Tales from a Curvy Kitty

March 12, 2022 | cat9984

Today’s post comes courtesy of Angel, sister to Thunder and Onyx, who have both posted here. She lives with our human sister. Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty

Greetings everyone, big and small, furry and not furry! I’m Angel Katt, and I’m often called a big kitty (or, as the vet very rudely said, a “really, quite overweight cat”). A little while ago, my human was complaining about the lack of affordable clothing and accessory options available for her size (she has the opposite problem of me- she’s small, much like Thunder). As I kept listening to her whine and whine, I realized that she- and many others- have no idea how difficult it is to be a plus sized kitty in a small cat’s world. From toys to litter boxes, and beds to the size of food cans, we face a daily struggle that’s practically unspoken about. However, I am here to enlighten you to my- and many other kitties- plight.

I’d say my biggest purrsonal issue is the struggle with cuddling. I happen to love snuggling up on a nice warm lap, and soaking in the attention that is owed to me. But at 15 pounds, I often feel too heavy for my humans to keep me on them long- and, on top of that, all of my weight is concentrated into a short body, so I find it difficult to position myself comfortably. The mini humans try, but I weigh the same as one, and am only 5 pounds lighter than the second one. So they usually settle for chewing on or yanking my tail, which is not the relaxing cuddle that I seek.

Big kitties come with big paws; little kitties come with little paws. Unfortunately, toy manufacturers seem to see cat toys as a “one size fits all” product. While there are some larger cat toys (I have a crinkly carrot that’s made for kicking, and several large stuffed fish to chase), I’ve noticed the rest of our toys are designed with smaller cats in mind. Every mousie, ball, and red dot just disappears under my paw. I would love to see a wider selection of Angel-sized toys (excluding kick toys, since those are big enough for me) grace the shelves.

We have a cat tree that is absolutely great! There are dangly balls to swat, high perches to sit on, and scratching posts to destroy. There are also two cubbies. One is a tight squeeze. The other one I can’t fit into, and it makes me really sad when I see my sister’s curling up in them, and I can’t. The cat tree isn’t the only issue; we have another hideout that has the exact same issue. Really, how hard would it be for the creators of these toys to create the hideaways just a little bigger, so kitties of all sizes can enjoy them?

One of my favorite spots to sit is a criss-crossed cardboard perch that fits perfectly in a prime sunspot. It’s infused with catnip, I can scratch it without repercussions, and it’s so comfortable to nap on. Sadly, though, I find my humans needing to replace it monthly. Mom (finally) read the label, and realized that the maximum weight was 12 pounds- how disappointing! And she couldn’t find one made for higher weights, which just seems rude to me. But that’s not the only perch that’s prone to upset big kitties. When searching for a window perch, Mom kept finding them easily for cats under 15 pounds, she was harder pressed to find an affordable perch for big kitties! So I have to either watch my weight, which would involve dieting (and Thunder’s disgusting “lettuce”), or I have to risk breaking the perch and hurting myself. How horrible are those choices? Hopefully the future cats won’t have to find out!

Have you seen the size of a can of wet food? It’s abysmal! I’m not sure how any cat can survive on one of those per day (although I do have 24/7 access to dry kibble), let alone a cat who requires more intake! I conducted an independent study one night, and for the sake of health and science, managed to bring myself to eat not only my nightly can of food, but also Onyx’s and Thunder’s! I came to the conclusion that 3 cans was barely enough- 4 really would have been better. Unfortunately, since I can’t seem to convince anyone of this logic, I’ll have to hope that some merciful canner takes mercy on us larger cats and makes a can of food sized accordingly.

Litter boxes have several rules: keep them clean. Put them in a private area. Make sure each cat has their own. And make sure the box is big enough for the cat. I will admit, larger litter boxes are fairly common. But, there is definitely a surplus of small and medium sized boxes in comparison. The larger box costs quite a bit more, which doesn’t seem fair to me (after all, we all need bathrooms). And, to rub salt into the wound, they don’t even feature big kitties in the photo on the label- they use a cute, little kitty! Litter box equality has proven to be a real struggle.

Every cat should have a nice, thick, warm bed that they can come back to nap after nap. A bed that, like the pillows humans sleep with, will fluff itself up and provide comfort and support. Sadly, I have found that my beds start to sag and lose their firmness within a year. A dent forms and keeps sinking deeper, eventually making it so that the bed is more of a nuisance than a luxury. Purrsonally, I would love to see a wide cat bed made with extra thick, super durable layers of foam and fleece, perfect for larger cats to enjoy throughout the years. This would avoid the disappointment of finding a great bed, then saying goodbye to it because it lost shape due to being unable to support the weight of its kitty user.

Physical activity is an important part of each cat’s day. We run, jump, pounce, and leap. We hunt hard, and knead our humans. We climb and chase, and scratch and stalk. Being bigger makes these activities more tasking. I run out of breath and have to take more frequent breaks. There are some corners that my toys get wedged in that I can’t access, and then my toy is lost until Mom notices or Thunder steals it out. I’m prone to wheezing after wrestling with Thunder. And I land my jumps very hard and loud, which totally ruins the stealth in hunting (I’ve lost several red dots this way)! I also notice that things I jump on move or break easier, depending on the height of my jump or what angle I land it at. Although I’m considered to be an overall healthy kitty cat, I definitely notice some struggles with physical activity.

I would like to take a moment to say that all cats are beautiful. All body shapes are beautiful. Even if the vet is a meanie, big kitties and small kitties are both beautiful. However, there are some struggles that large kitties face. In my case, it’s because I’m a Scandinavian breed of cat, not because of my eating habits. But still, day in and day out I face hardships due to my size. Still, I wouldn’t change for anything- I’ll just figure out a way to have everything change for me! Big kitties, keep being pawsome- there’s plenty of love to go around!

Get a Job! Cats in the Workforce

March 5, 2022 | cat9984

Man Trying To Work From Home Gets Constantly Interrupted By His Cat, Tricks It Into Being Calm By Placing A Box On His Desk | Bored Panda

We are very excited that our Mom has finally gotten a new job! She’ll be working days and only has to work one job to support us in our accustomed lifestyle. In honor of that, we decided to look at cats with jobs. As you know, lots of cats have jobs. We add class and sophistication to many places. Basically, there are two major types of employed kitties: “Office Cats” and “Working Cats”. (Mom says she’ll be “working” in an “office,” so we’re a little confused about where she would fit in this post.)

Why do cats purr? | International Cat Care

Personally, we have no desire to work outside the home. However, there are many kitties in shelters who would be wonderful additions to an office. Among the advantages of having an office cat:

We are calming – Petting cats is known to lower human stress levels. Our purring is therapeutic. What could be better than having a cute ball of fur to stroke during a stressful day? Just seeing our furry little faces makes people smile.

Microsoft Teams ar Twitter: "@hobiehenning Hey Hobie, it looks like this is the PAWfect spot for an afternoon nap during a Teams meeting! What is your cat's name?" / Twitter

We encourage teamwork – Having an office kitty is a team project. Even if one person is mainly responsible, everyone comes together to take care of the office cat. Who can resist a non-judgmental teammate?

cat-on-computer - Vermont Foodbank

We help prevent burnout – People are encouraged to take short breaks when the office cat comes by wanting attention. Or it’s a good excuse to get up from your desk if you’re struggling with a problem. Short breaks have been proven to help workers recharge and refocus. And we can help type.

So, Should You Be Bringing Your Cat To Work? | Hive

We increase morale – Helping kitties makes humans feel better about themselves. And keeping us out of the shelter is definitely helping.

Barn Cat Adoption - The Cat Corner, Inc.

Of course, just like humans not all kitties belong in offices. In fact, some kitties would just as soon not be around people. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t excellent workers.

Working cats are experts in vermin control – They find jobs in barns, warehouses, corporate campuses, plant nurseries, wineries, and other places where rodents and other pests are a problem. Working cats also get jobs in stores and churches, although sometimes those require more socialized kitties.

Henry our winery cat | Winery, Cats, Photo and video

We are ecologically friendly and pesticide-free – No need for chemicals if you have a cat (or two) around.

Working Cats Programs Give “Unadoptable” Felines a Safe Home—and a | BeChewy

We are low-maintenance – All we really need is a permanent shelter where we are safe from the elements and other dangers, food, water, and litter.

8 of the World's Hardest-Working Cats

If you think you want a job, but these sound a little mundane, how about one of the following?

Politician – You can be mayor, sit on the City Council, or work on the local School Board.

Cat Selfie - Imgur

Actor – Beware – This usually involved working closely with human actors.

Computer : r/cats

Typist/Writer – You get to spend all your time on the computer! And share your thoughts with the world. Does the world deserve your genius?

Lolcats - therapy - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Therapy Cat – You get paid to get snuggles.

Pro Steampunk ⚙️ on Twitter: ""I'm King of the World" https://t.co/VZbQDqHtCw" / Twitter

Sailor – Cool breeze in your fur.

Wakayama's workaholic cats - WAttention.com

Train Stationmaster – Make sure the humans are heading in the right direction. Good luck with that.

cat massage Memes - Imgflip

Masseuse – You get to help others relax.

Cat with a cell phone. The cat with a cell phone is on a beach , #Sponsored, #cell, #Cat, #phone, #beach, #cat #ad | Cats, Funny animals, Cute cats

Internet Star – Share your passions and opinions with the world. The world needs more cat content.

Working Cat Program - Planned PEThood of Georgia

What is important about all cats with jobs is that they are cats who are safe and loved (even if it’s from a distance). Every cat who has a position is a kitty who is out of the shelters and off the streets.

How to stay productive while working from home with your cat - Times of India

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Groundhog Day: What Happened on Hog Hill?

February 19, 2022 | cat9984

Things had been a little tense on Hog Hill on February 2 (Groundhog Day). When Gus Groundhog made his annual prediction, he only appeared for a couple of minutes and made the actual announcement on his Twitter account. Not at all the festivities we were expecting. We decided to do do a little investigating.

The first thing we discovered was that Gus hadn’t been on any type of social media since Groundhog Day. Had he gone back into hibernation? We spoke to some of the neighbors.

Peter Rabbit: It’s been very quiet over there. Usually, Gus has a big party after the announcement. But this year, there was nothing.

Penelope Rabbit: Maybe he’s sick.

Bethany Deer: Maybe. He didn’t look very well on the 2nd.

Joe Squirrel: Maybe he just got tired of all the fuss. You know folks blame him for the weather when it’s still snowing in April.

Josie Squirrel: Maybe someone turned off all his accounts. Maybe it’s a conspiracy against groundhogs. Someone should look into that.

Obviously, we are going to have to talk to Gus.

We went to the burrow. But no one answered the door. Maybe there was something wrong. Was he even still in town?

What next? We staked it out, watching both entrances. No movement for over a week. The other animals in the neighborhood were getting curious.

Josie: No luck? I hope everything’s OK. Maybe we should just go in.

Penelope: Do you think so?

Josie: What if he’s really sick? Maybe we should call the animal welfare hotline.

Joe: Hold up, ladies. Groundhogs hibernate. Not seeing one in February is no reason to go bursting into his house. For all we know, he saw that there was going to be a lot more winter, rolled over, and went back to sleep. We’d scare him half to death breaking into his house. He’d have every right to attack us. Have you seen those claws and teeth?

We realized Joe might be right. Maybe there was no story. Just then, Peter hopped up.

Peter: Hey, guys. What’s up?

Joe: Everyone’s worried about Gus. Apparently the media has got everyone wondering about him. Personally, I think we should just let him be.

We felt badly. We had thought it was a quick human interest story. It was never intended to be an investigation. We didn’t want to upset anyone, so we started to pack up our stuff.

Josie: Don’t blame them. They haven’t bothered him. And it’s weird that we haven’t seen Gus during his big time of the year. Usually he’s active after he gets up for the announcement.

A car drove up and stopped in front of Gus’s burrow. A matronly groundhog got out and looked around. She seemed surprised by the group of animals.

Groundhog: Hello. I’m Emma. Is everything okay?

Peter: Hello. We’re well. And yourself?

Emma: Yes, I’m wonderful. I’m here to visit my grandbabies.

Josie squealed.

Josie: Grandbabies? Gus had babies?

Emma (laughing): Technically, Georgette had the babies. But yes – Gus is a daddy. Didn’t he tell you?

Penelope: No, we haven’t heard a thing since he came outside for a couple of minutes on Groundhog Day.

Josie: We’ve been worried about him. He even disappeared off social media. And he’s a local celebrity, so he’s always on Twitter.

Emma: There’s no need to worry. He’s just running around in circles with his five little chucklings.

Emma went up to the door, and Gus let her into the burrow. He lifted a paw and waved at his neighbors.

Gus: Hey, guys! Sorry to have been off the radar. Tons of snaps coming soon. Watch for me!

That was the Gus we knew and loved. It wouldn’t be long before he was back.

We KNEW there had been a story.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

The RHCCC: Valentine’s Dance

February 12, 2022 | cat9984

Valentine's Day 2022 pet spending: You won't believe what we'll shell out for our dogs and cats | Fox Business

It’s been a while since we checked in with the ladies who make up the Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove (RHCCC). They are all looking forward to the big Valentine’s Day party thrown annually by the Loyal Order of the Saber Tooth Tiger. Everyone except Bella, that is.

Bella: I think I’m going to skip the party this year. I’m not really in the mood.

Fluffy: You have to go! We already paid for the table.

Miki: Yeah. We always go together. It’s a tradition.

Bella: I know. But I don;t have a date. I don;t want to be the only single kitty at the Valentine’s party. It’s too depressing.

What is Kitten Season?

Daphne: What happened to that guy you were seeing? Jack?

Bella: I had to dump him. Turns out he had two other girlfriends. And one has kittens.

Fluffy: The two-timing rat! I knew he was no good! The ones that seem to good to be true are always trouble. I’m sorry, sweetie.

Bella: It’s OK. But I don’t feel much like partying.

Miki: Do you want Ralph to get one of his friends to join us? He knows some nice guys.

Bella: Thanks. But I don’t think so.

Fluffy: I’m on the organizing committee, so I’ll be pretty busy. If I don’t bring a date, will you come?

Bella (hesitating): I guess.

How to Throw a Birthday Party for Your Cat - Catster

Miki (clapping her paws): Pawsome! We’ll have a great time!

Bella arrived at the party early and helped Fluffy get things set up. Before long, Miki and Daphne showed up with their husbands. Daphne’s husband Sam was grumbling.

Sam: I don’t understand why they call this a party. It’s a dinner. They only call it a party so they can charge more.They don’t even have an open catnip bar.

Miki: I told you. The Saber Tooth TIgers only have one fundraiser every year, and they don’t want a bunch of stoned cats getting into fights.

Daphne (laughing): Ignore him. He’s just grumpy because the kids were teasing him about his fur.

Hair kitty kitty kitty - meet the world's fluffiest cat - Daily Star

Ralph: You are looking extra fluffy tonight.

Sam: Yeah. Daphne talked me into going to the groomer today. She went wild on the blow-out.

Daphne: Well, I think you look adorable. And isn’t that what matters?

Sam: I guess. I’ll just avoid the mirrors.

Fluffy came up with a tray of niptinis.

Top 10 Wine Loving Cats At Wine O'Clock

Fluffy: Enjoy, everyone! Gunther makes the best niptinis in town.

The others began lapping up the drinks and talking. Before long, it was time for dinner. The food was wonderful – a seafood buffet with various greens. After the food, there was dancing.

Fluffy was mingling. She was a very social cat and loved big parties. She knew everyone and was having a great time.

Daphne and Sam got up to dance as soon as the music started. Miki didn’t want to leave Bella at the table by herself, so she and Ralph stayed around to talk. But the loud music made it difficult to hold a conversation.

Does Your Cat Beg at the Dinner Table? - The Conscious Cat

Bella: You guys go ahead and dance. I can’t even hear myself think in here. I’ll go see if I can help with something.

Miki and Ralph left the table. Bella looked around. She didn’t really know anyone working. She had just followed Fluffy around earlier.

Finally, Bella decided that she wanted some tuna juice. She went up to the bar and said hello to Gunther. Things were fairly quiet at the bar.

Gunther: What would you like, pretty kitty?

Bella: Tuna juice, please.

Gunther: Anything for your date?

Bella looked around, confused.

Bella: I don’t have a date.

How Do Cats Communicate with Each Other?

Gunther: Good. I was just making sure before I asked if I could join you for a drink. I’m going on break, and I’d like to spend it with you. I’ve been watching you ever since Fluffy introduced us.

Bella was flattered, but nervous. She was a quiet, shy cat and not used to this type of attention.

Bella: I guess so.

They sat near the bar and sipped tuna juice.

Bella: Crabapple Cove is a small place. I don’t remember seeing you around. Are you visiting someone?

cat-typing | odd letters

Gunther: Actually, I moved up her to write the Great American Cat novel. I made a bunch of money in New York, and then relocated.

Bella: Really? I work at the library, and I love reading. That’s wonderful! Very impressive.

Gunther (laughing): Not yet. All I have so far is the idea and the outline.

Bella: I’m still impressed. I never met a novelist before. Why are you here tonight?

Gunther: I ran into your friend Fluffy at the meat market. She told me about the party and convinced me to come help. She’s very persuasive.

Bella (laughing): She usually gets what she wants.

Gunther: I’m glad I came. I don’t know many folks, and it’s been great meeting everyone. And I got to meet you.

Bella blushed under her fur.

Cat Cafés, Library Cats and Museum Cats – Oh My! – Columbus EMP

Bella: Well, I’m sure I’m the least interesting cat here.

Gunther: I don’t believe that. Tell me about yourself.

Bella talked about the library and her daycare. They had just started talking about books when Gunther was called back to the bar.

Gunther: That was fun. I’d like to talk some more. Can I take you home after the party?

Bella: I’d like that.

Bella went back to her table and watched the dancing. When the party finally ended, Gunther escorted Bella home. And he was a purr-fect gentleman.

cats-cuddling-big - Pet Haven of Minnesota

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Yak Express: Not Living Up to Its Name

February 5, 2022 | cat9984

Snoops and Kommando here. This story was written by our cousins Thunder and Onyx with the help of their human. Hope you enjoy it. (It actually explains a lot.)

Since a horrible illness took over the world, cat consumables have been hard to come by. From luxuries such as catnip and heated blankets, to basics such as canned chicken and kitty kibble, nothing was safe from the shortages that had befallen Cattusville. To compile the issue, all humans had been stressed to the max, which made home cuddles and attention dwindle to an unacceptable rate. After some investigating, the cats of Cattusville discover that the holdup on goods has nothing to do with human error, and everything to do with the transportation yaks that swam across the ocean to deliver goods from one country to another. This frustrates the felines, who are now in the midst of discussing this horrible issue.

Jolene– What a horrible day! I just spent 20 minutes in line at CatMart. All for 7 items! I’m about to stop shopping there and try Furrs. They’re a bit pricier, but I hear their customer service is on point.

Bonnie– Speaking of pricier, I noticed even at Bargain Felines, their prices skyrocketed. A can of tuna used to cost a dollar- I just spent two dollars, and I swear there was less juice in it than usual!

Saran Wrap– at least you can find tuna! I’ve been to three different stores, and still am missing half my shopping list. I can’t find silver vine anywhere. And there was only one catnip plant available in the city, and it looked horrendous. Almost like a dog had been nibbling on it! *The cats all shuddered.* I’m about to just use my human’s credit card and order everything online! At least then I’m guaranteed to get something!

Cookie– You know what the real issue is, right? It isn’t a lack of servants, or less fish available to catch and sell; it’s the transport yaks.

Tailor-made Nepal, Tibet & Bhutan Tour | Enchanting Travels

Jolene– Transport yaks? What on earth are transport yaks?

Bonnie– Yeah, I just assumed humans were being lazy and not putting things on shelves for me to purchase. And that they raised the prices to get more for less.

Saran Wrap– Isn’t a yak a big, scary creature? I saw a photo of one once. It didn’t look friendly, or very tasty. The only benefit I saw to it was the fur, which would make a wonderful blanket.

Cookie– Well, yes, yaks are bigger than us. And I’m not sure if they’re friendly- I’ve never actually met one. But they’re the reason we’re having issues buying our items. Our whole country relies on their services. And there’s been so much demand lately, our yaks aren’t able to keep up with it.

Jolene– I’m not sure how a big, scary blanket is supposed to be in charge of our economy and buying. Don’t the humans just say, “hey, we need this”, and it magically appears?

Bonnie– That sounds about right.

Cookie– No, that isn’t how it works. You see, Cattusville gets a lot of their marketables from different countries, such as Katzenlot, or Gatomanor.

Saran Wrap– But those countries are so far away! Like, 20 nap times away!

Cookie– Exactly! We cats have much better things to do with our time, so we contract yaks to swim across the ocean and deliver our goods. But because of the hoarding that the illness caused, Cattusville keeps demanding more and more items from everywhere else. So then more and more yaks get sent to swim to us. But the shore can only process a couple of yaks at a time, no matter what the demand is. So the extra yaks get stuck at sea, waiting to drop their load. However, by the time the water-logged yaks make it to shore, it might have been months. This naturally makes the yaks very grumpy, so they are slow in letting the humans remove the load from them. Then, they take a couple of weeks to relax before swimming back to their native country. But that takes up space on our shore, so that slows down the process even more.

Jolene– Wow, how awful. Thank goodness we’re not yaks! *The others nod in agreement*

Himalayan Yak & Yak Products in Nepal | Visit Nepal 2020 | Bookingsansar

Cookie- But that’s not all. Some yaks get so upset at the wait, that they turn around and head back to their native shore. That delays our shipments even more.

Bonnie– Oh, no! I know they’re not treated well. But that doesn’t seem fair to us, either.

Cookie– Well, it’s really not. But can you blame them?

Saran Wrap– I can’t blame them at all. I thought I had seen a report on RabbitNews, saying that some yaks had not only returned to shore, but were so disgusted by working conditions, that they’re refusing to work until things get better. Some were even considering hibernating, just to make a point. I had just assumed it was fake news, since there’s so much of that nowadays.

Cookie– I saw that report as well. Sadly, it is very true.

Jolene– Wow. I never knew all of this.

Bonnie– Yeah. Now I feel bad about hissing at my human for bringing home beef treats instead of turkey. The yaks probably haven’t had a chance to deliver the turkey treats yet.

Lolcats - scratching post - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words

Saran Wrap– And I guess I should stop mewling about the raise of price in scratching posts. Those can’t be easy to transport, and the yaks do deserve extra compensation for doing such a hard job.

Cookie– It doesn’t make it less frustrating, but at least you now know the root of the issue. But, enough talk about yaks. Who wants to find a nice sun spot to lounge in for the next three hours?

The other cats run off with Cookie, eager to stop talking about yaks and lounge in the sun. Even with as evil as the world illness has been, at least it hasn’t stolen the sunspots- at least, not yet.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Our View of Winter

January 22, 2022 | cat9984

Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We have been wracking our brains trying to come up with a winter-friendly post. We live in Michigan, where it is cold for several months each year. Usually it’s snowy too. And gray. We’re indoor kitties, so this is not our favorite time of year.

We can’t use our catio:

20+ Photos Proving That Cats and Snow Are Not Meant for Each Other / Bright Side

Cat TV is really bad most of the time:

Cat Standing In The Snow | Know Your Meme

The humans track in snow and cold:

And it gets cold inside sometimes (by our standards):

Baby it's cold outside... Click the Photo For More Adorable and Cute Cat Videos and Photos #cutecats #cats #kittens #catv… | Cute baby cats, Baby cats, Pretty cats

All in all, we really don’t like winter:

44+] Cats in Snow Wallpaper on WallpaperSafari

That said, we know that some cats adapt rather well to the weather. We found a few activities that you might try if you are one of those outdoorsy types.

Playing catch:

Fur Laughs: Watch Funny Cats Versus Snow In Winter [VIDEOS] - CatTime

Building a snow cat:

Live cats pose with neighborhood snow cat - The Columbian

Skiing:

Watch Taddy the Cat Nail Some Nasty Snowboard Tricks - Nerdist

Sledding:

Dog Pulls Cat Around In Sled...And The Cat LOVES It - Videos - The Dodo

Mountain-climbing:

This Alberta cat loves to ski, paddle or 'meow-taineer' with his human | CBC News

We hope that all of you are enjoying your winters. We’re kinda hanging out, getting extra snuggles, and waiting for spring.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except us)

Tuesday Morning Catnip Anonymous (CA) Meeting

January 15, 2022 | cat9984

Catnip memes | StareCat.com

Pete was nervous. It was his first time at a CA meeting. He wasn’t even sure he belonged. He was really more of a silver vine guy. He got a cup of tuna juice and sat near the back of the room. There were quite a few cats already waiting. By the time the meeting started, there were almost 20 participants. Pete had no idea there were so many cats with ‘nip problems.

Leader: Welcome, kitties! We’re glad to see so many of you here. A couple of new faces and a couple that we haven’t seen for a bit. Would anyone like to start us off?

Two Cats Cuddling | Holistic Vet and Pet Nutrition Journal

Jonah: Hi, I’m Jonah. And I’m addicted to catnip.

Group: Hi, Jonah!

Jonah: I’ve had a pretty good week. I met a girl named Tina at the fish market. We went for a walk. I think she likes me.

Leader (nodding): That’s great, Jonah! Did you have any nip issues?

Jonah: No, it was great. She never touches the stuff.

No, Cats Should Never Drink Wine or Beer - Catster

Leader: Who’s next?

Sarah: I’m Sarah. And I’m addicted to catnip.

Group: Hi, Sarah!

Sarah: I finally broke up with my boyfriend, Tim. He was a really bad influence. He kept insisting that niptinis weren’t the same as eating catnip. I told him that all catnip is a problem for me. He really isn’t supportive, so I decided to move back home.

The other cats clapped for her.

Is Catnip a Cat Drug? - Meowy Janes

Mel: Hi, I’m Mel and I’m addicted to catnip.

Group: Hi, Mel!

Mel: This is my first time here. I went to a party on Saturday night and woke up under the table. I decided that it was time to get my habit under control.

Leader: Welcome, Mel. We’re here for you. I’ll help you find a mentor and get started on the program. Let’s take a short break.

The leader took Mel aside and introduced him to a couple of other cats. The remaining cats got up and wandered around. A large cat walked up to Pete.

10 Cat Breeds That Are the Most Affectionate

Cat: Hey, I’m Carl. I haven’t seen you here before.

Pete: Hey. I’m Pete. It’s my first time. I’m a little nervous.

Carl: Don’t worry about it. we’ve all been there. What brings you in?

Pete: Honestly, I’m here because I told my wife I’d come. She had a bag of ‘nip that I got into.

Carl: One time? That doesn’t sound so bad.

Pete: That’s what I thought.

Carl: Was it a lot?

9GAG Cute - Cats high on catnip is my favorite thing By... | Facebook

Pete: She got it for a party.

Carl: Oh. A big party?

Pete: It was for a weekend away. It probably wouldn’t have been an issue except I kind of fell asleep in the middle of the table.

Carl: Oh.

Pete: And I might have gotten a little testy when she tried to move me.

Carl: Oh.

Pete: And I got really agitated when I saw some flashing lights. I might have growled a little.

Carl: Oh. But it was just the one time?

Our And Our Neighbor's Cats Found Catnip And Cat.exe Stopped Functioning (30 Pics) | Bored Panda

Pete: Pretty much. Except when we walked past the lady’s garden, and I refused to leave.

Carl: What lady?

Pete: A human in our neighborhood grows catnip for the local cats. She gives it away. I don’t think she minded that I moved in for a couple of days. My wife said I embarrassed her.

Carl: Well, if it was intended for everyone….

Pete: I only stayed a couple of days. She didn’t have any real food. I had to go home to eat. My wife thinks I have a problem.

Can Cats Eat Catnip? Here's What You Should Know About the Herb

Carl: Ummmm.

Pete: I’m not really sure I belong here. Talking about it, I think I just had a couple of bad experiences. I’m really glad I had a chance to talk to you.

Pete finished his juice and left.

Photographer Takes Hilarious Photos of Cats on Catnip

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Kitty Profiles on Prrrr

January 8, 2022 | cat9984

cats-cuddling-big - Pet Haven of Minnesota

We know a lot of you will be looking for love in the new year, so we thought that we would show you a few of the kitties currently on Prrrr, today’s hottest feline dating site.

Evie

19 Best Cat Toys and Supplies (2021): Scratchers, Window Perches, Etc | WIRED

Life is too short not to love.

Purr Ons: cuddles, sun puddles, fluffy blankets

Purr Offs: baths, wet kisses, vacuums

Bessie

Straw Hat Cat | Know Your Meme

Grab life and roll around it in.

Purr Ons: warm grass, back rubs, good food

Purr Offs: running games, cold rain, head pats

Vivian

Cute Cat posing kitty

Come explore with me.

Purr Ons: long walks, talking, massage

Purr Offs: whining, wet paws, cheap kibble

Finnegan

Hats For Cats

Did you see that?

Purr Ons: adventure, the red dot, fast toys

Purr Offs: rainy days, dirty windows, commitment

Brody

Gravis, Part-Time 8-Bit Toaster on Twitter: "i have felt for many years that there is nothing more satisfying and correct than a cat with a fish in its mouth https://t.co/j3PtIqezVw" / Twitter

I’m an even bigger catch than this fish

Purr Ons: running games, fishing, the red dot

Purr Offs: too much talking, baths, staying inside

Raphael

Young cat posing | Cat pose, Cats, Fur babies

Life is an adventure. Share it with me.

Purr Ons: traveling, talking, cuddling

Purr Offs: loud noises, timid cats, being ignored

Mike

130 Funny Cat Poses ideas | cats, crazy cats, cute cats

Been looking for love in all the wrong places.

Purr Ons: cuddling, massages, chasing the red dot

Purr Offs: being locked in, teases, bad weather

Phinneas

Cool cat | Fancy cats, Hipster cat, Cute baby cow

Chill and enjoy life’s ride

Purr Ons: sun puddles, warm fireplaces, cuddles

Purr Offs: bad fashion, bad moods, bad food

The first 30 days on Prrrr is free. Why not check it out?

Two Cuddling Cats | Cat cuddle, Cats, Cute animals

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Tips for a Happy New Year

January 1, 2022 | cat9984

Funny Cats "Happy New Years" song - YouTube

Greetings! Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. The humans are starting a new year today. We wanted to find ways to help Mom actually have a happy new year, so we asked Mr. Google. He sure knows a lot of stuff. Too much stuff. It was hard to sort out what might really work. We put together a list and gave it to her. Guess now we have to wait and see what happens.

Kissing Kitties! - 23rd November 2017 - We Love Cats and Kittens

Kiss someone you love at midnight. It’s supposed to make the love last all year. We hate being kissed, but it’s worth it if she’s happy for a year.

Asheville Cat Weirdos launches food pantry to help pet-owners in need

Fill up your wallet and pantry before midnight. It keeps you from being poor and and hungry all year. Mr. Google didn’t say where to get the money to fill up her wallet. Especially after she spent all that money filling up the pantry. But we did notice that we have lots of food and treats, so it sounds good to us.

14+ Memes Clean House - Factory Memes

Don’t clean your house OR clean your house thoroughly. This was one of the places where Mr. Google really confused us. One place said that she shouldn’t clean so she didn’t wash/sweep away any good fortune that was coming her way. But another place said that she should clean thoroughly to sweep away all the bad luck from the past year. We hate the vacuum cleaner, but we hate clutter where we sit, so Mom’s on her own for this one.

Sad Cat Wallpapers - Top Free Sad Cat Backgrounds - WallpaperAccess

Don’t cry. If she cries on New Year’s, it could mean that she will be sad for the rest of the year. We hate it when she’s sad, so this one is really important.

PsBattle: This cat trying to enter a house : r/photoshopbattles

Don’t leave the house until someone else comes in. Mom actually had experience with this one. Her grandmother was from Scotland, and refused to leave the house until a tall, dark-haired man visited with a coin, something to eat, something to drink, and something to warm the house. (Luckily, our grandpa fit the bill so he always first-footed her.) Traditional gifts include coins, bread, salt, coal, and whiskey to ensure prosperity, food, flavor, warmth, and good cheer all year long. We don’t know anyone who fits the bill, so hopefully this one isn’t vital.

Post Cats Eating Weird Things | Bored Panda

Eat black-eyed peas and collard greens. The black-eyed peas bring good luck and the collard greens bring prosperity. We don’t like either one, but she’s also supposed to eat pork (wealth and progress) or herring (good luck) and soba noodles (longevity and prosperity), so she can make a meal of it all and we’ll share the stuff we like.

Cat vs Lobster! A fight between a lobster and three cats recently took place on the bank of Daguan River in Kunming, southwest Chi… | Cats, Cat boarding, Three cats

Don’t eat lobster before midnight. Apparently lobsters move backwards, and eating one too close to the new year might cause the human to have setbacks during the year. We’ve never had a lobster, but they look pretty scary, so not having one in the house is fine.

The Best Vacuums for Pet Hair for 2019

Make lots of noise at midnight to scare away evil spirits and omens. We hate loud noises, but as long as it’s not a vacuum we should be okay. Besides, it sounds like she only needs to do it for a short period of time.

Grapes are his favourite; not to eat but to play with! 😂 : r/CatsBeingCats

We also threw away a few.

Eat exactly 12 grapes at midnight. Each grape is supposed to represent a month of happiness. But she had to be done with the grapes at 12:01. We were afraid she might choke if she tried to eat them that fast. That would be really bad luck.

Open the door just before midnight to let the old year out and the new year in. We think that the year should be smart enough to get here on its own.

Suitcase Cats : Animals and Pets : r/aww

Carry an empty suitcase around. It’s supposed to bring a year of travel and adventure. We don’t like travel at all, so we’re not going to encourage it.

Wear red underwear. Some people think that wearing red underwear on New Year’s will bring romance into their lives. Mom doesn’t need romance; she has us. Besides, we don’t think she should be showing her underwear to other people.

good luck kitty ... | Dog station, Cute cats, Cat memes

Eat vasilopitta (sweet Greek bread) or king cake. The person who finds the coin in either pastry is supposed to have good luck for the year. But first you have to be lucky enough to find the coin. What happens to the rest of the people?

Hogmanay Blessings

While we’re waiting to see if our suggestions work, we want to wish everyone a happy new year. (And those in Scotland, a Happy Hogmanay – end of the old one.)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Christmas Carols for Cats by Thunder

December 18, 2021 | cat9984

I Can Has Cheezburger?

Hello! It’s Thunder, and I am so glad to be back! Christmas is one of my favorite holidays (after all, I get lots of yummy food and cool gifts), but I noticed a disturbing trend: the Christmas music humans listen to is just not cat friendly! (I would know- Mom insists on listening to it from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas is over.) So, I went through and rewrote the lyrics to some well known songs to make them better (I did 12 songs to represent the 12 days of Christmas. I better get gifts all 12 of those days). Enjoy!

“The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t be Late)”

I was really excited when I saw the title of this song. I thought for sure it would be about the chipmunks we see on cat TV! But it doesn’t even mention chipmunks- how disappointing! So, I’ve updated it to

Christmas, Christmas time is here.

Time to chase the chipmunks and deer.

They seem fun but they won’t play.

All they do is stay outside all day.

Want a friend to chase the dot- and a chipmunk with lots of nuts!

We can hardly stand the wait, so Christmas don’t be late.

All I Want for Christmas is You

I was a little disturbed when I realized that the singer wanted a human for Christmas. But then I realized many shelter cats would love a human! Obviously, this song was written for all displaced and homeless pets. The correct lyrics would go

I don’t want a lot for Christmas,

There are just a few things I need.

A warm lap to cuddle up on, and some food that I can eat.

I just need a light to chase, and a litter box in a clean place.

Make my wish come true,

Because just for Christmas, I choose you!

Jingle Bell Rock

The author of this song got one thing right- bells do rock! Some of my favorite toys have bells in them. But bells have nothing to do with sleighs or horses. What they could have composed would be more along the lines of

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

Jingle bells play and jingle bells stay – in the way of Mom and Dad- when they trip they get really mad.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

Jingle bells are fun when you place them in socks.

Bat them, and swat them, and hunt them down- and listen to the bell sound!

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree

This song is proof that trees are meant to be played with- a fact that we cats already knew (after all, why else would you put shiny, dangly balls all over them?) But humans must play in a boring way. The cat-tastic lyrics would read

Rocking around the Christmas tree,

Chase the ribbons on the box.

Ornaments hung where you can see,

Every kitty starts to swat.

Rocking around the Christmas tree, every kitty stops in shock.

Shinies and danglies all around, let us knock them to the ground.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I’m not really sure what a Christmas is supposed to look like, but if the month of December is any indication, it involves a lot of boxes, wrapping paper, and bows. Sounds more like Cat-mas! After all, I’ve never seen my big humans entertained by a box (the human kittens are another story). Thus, more appropriate lyrics would read

It’s beginning to look a lot like Cat-mas!

Toys all over the floor.

Look at the giant box, and the tins of lox,

With shiny ribbons and wrapping papers and bows!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Cat-mas. Lights in every door.

But the prettiest sight to see will be the presents that will be for all cats to adore!

Silent Night

Clearly this person lived alone under a rock. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a silent night (although to be fair, Angel likes to practice her singing around 2am every night). However, if this make believe scenario were to happen, some more appropriate lyrics might read

Silent night! Kitties don’t fight!

All the mice are quiet and nice.

Tinsel hangs on the big Christmas tree.

Kitties pounce on the decor with glee.

Now let my humans awake!

So they can feed me at day break.

Holly Jolly Christmas

There isn’t really anything wrong with this song, except it is so heavily biased towards humans enjoying the holiday, and not cats. A more cat friendly song would read

Have a holly jolly Christmas!

It’s the best time of the year.

Lots of food, a festive mood, and pets go all around.

Have a holly jolly Christmas!

And when you walk down the street,

Stop in the store, go and explore, and buy me a tasty treat!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I couldn’t decide if she was hunting small prey, or if she was psychotic. For the sake of writing, I’ll go with the former assumption. Because cats have better (and slightly more selective) hearing, my version would read

Said the kitty cat to her feline friend-

Do you hear what I hear?

It sounds like the opening of a can!

Do you hear what I hear?

A can, a can, opens in the night,

It will fill our tummies with delight! It will fill our tummies with delight!

Up on the Housetop

We get a stray cat and squirrels on our roof. We have a metal roof, so they’re really noisy- it’s quite annoying. Several naps have been interrupted because of this. Whoever wrote this seems to think it’s a good thing when someone is on your roof, so maybe it’s better at Christmas time. I will find out. In the hopes that this is true, I wrote these words to replace the traditional song:

Up on the housetop kitties jump.

They sit and lay and lounge in the sun.

Then comes dinner time and they go inside.

And stay all night to nap and hide.

Oh, oh, oh, where did kitty go?

Oh, oh, oh, nobody knows.

There she is, in the window she sits!

Watching Santa Paws and a guy named Nick.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Apparently some big dude is supposed to break into our house and give the human kittens presents. I have yet to decide if this is cool or creepy. I guess as long as he brings food and big boxes, he can’t be too bad. But his song should go more like this:

You better watch out, you better not cry.

There’s a big man bringing meats and mice and pies.

Santa Paws is coming to town,

Santa Paws is jumping down, Santa Paws is coming around!

He’s making dinner lists, chicken and rice. Sausage and gravy and beef and mice.

Santa Paws is coming to town,

Santa Paws is jumping down, Santa Paws is coming around!

We Three Kings

This song is pretty cat-oriented to begin with- lots of people travel to spoil the baby with cool gifts. Sounds like paradise to me. But the gifts sound disgusting- my humans said they were spices and metal. I’ve adapted a better version:

We three cats of Orient are

Very hungry after traveling far.

Tummies growling, low meowing, as we stare at a food jar.

Oh-oh, can of wonder, can of delight!

Can with dinner meant for tonight!

Smells like chicken, chops a licking,

Fills my tummy up for the night.

Joy to the World

There is nothing more joyful than a cat! I realize the song is referring to Jesus, who, don’t get me wrong, seems like a really cool guy. I bet he had a cat. But if we’re talking about bringing joy to the world, the lyrics should definitely be more like:

Joy to the world!

The cat has come!

She brings a mousie gift!

Let every cat receive a nap,

And treats and pets galore! And treats and pets galore!

And treats, and pets and snuggles for her!

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the updated Cat-mas music! If you like any of the classics (Mom does), I apologize that you’ve been listening to the wrong lyrics your whole life. Have a merry and safe Christmas, and may you recieve lots of boxes and shiny ribbons!

Author’s note- this blog was written in memory of my human dad’s father, Morten Weisfeld (July 15th, 1951-December 1st, 2021). Even though you were a dog owner, may you have eternal sun spots and plenty of naps. We will miss you, and will always love you.

Purrs and furs,

Thunder K. Katt

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