16

The RHCCC: The Crabapple Cove Coastal Cafe

The 5 Best CAT CAFES in Tokyo | favy

The ladies are meeting for a quick lunch at the Crabapple Cove Coastal Cafe. It’s not their usual spot, but they want to support Giselle, Miki’s daughter, who recently started working there.

Daphne: This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before.

Miki: Really? You’ve worked on the beach for years.

Daphne: I don’t usually have the time.

Bella: It’s a little out of the way.

File:Cats on Beach.JPG - Wikimedia Commons

Fluffy: Besides, it’s kind of a tourist spot in the summer. It gets really crowded.

Miki: That’s true. Giselle said that’s why they wanted her to start now. So she could be trained for the warm weather.

Giselle comes up and smiles at them.

Giselle: Good afternoon, ladies. Welcome to the Coastal Cafe. My name is Giselle. May I take your order?

Daphne: Hi, Giselle. How’s it going?

Giselle: So far, so good. I’m still learning a lot.

Can Cats Eat Tuna? Is Tuna Safe For Cats? - CatTime

Fluffy: I’m sure you’ll be great. I’ll have the tuna salad and some spring water.

The other agreed that the tuna sounded good and ordered the same thing. As Giselle finished writing down the order, a small dog two tables down started barking insistently.

Dog: Waitress, come here! We’re ready to order!

Giselle: Just a moment, please. I’m almost finished.

brown and white long coated small dog on white round table photo – Free  Canine Image on Unsplash

Dog: We’re in a hurry!

Giselle walks over to the table. There is a mother dog and her two sons waiting with her. The boys order burgers, and she waits for the woman’s order.

Dog: Is the kibble fresh?

Giselle: Yes, ma’am. They make it every morning.

Dog: Does it have any seafood in it? I’m allergic to shellfish. I could die if you try to feed me fish.

Does Your Dog's Breath Smell Like Fish? - PetPlace

Giselle: We have two types, Sea Treasure and High Plains Bounty. You could eat the High Plains Bounty.

Dog: You’re sure there isn’t any fish in it.

Giselle: No ma’am. It’s made out of beef and lamb. Only the finest ingredients.

Dog: OK. I’ll try it. But make sure there’s no seafood in it.

Giselle (writing on her pad): Would you like full-size or petite?

Dog: What’s the difference?

Giselle: The petite has smaller chunks. It’s specially made for our more delicate diners.

I Has A Hotdog - impatient - Page 2 - Funny Dog Pictures | Dog Memes | Puppy  Pictures | Pictures of dogs - Dog Pictures - Funny pictures of dogs - Dog  Memes - Puppy pictures - doge - Cheezburger

Dog: Well, I’m pretty delicate. I’ll have the petite. And make it quick. We’re in a hurry.

Giselle places the dog’s order at the same time she puts in the order for her mother’s table. Because the burgers have to be cooked the tuna is ready before the dogs’ food. Giselle takes it over and starts to serve.

Dog: Girl! I told you we’re in a hurry! Why are you serving them first? It’s because they’re cats, isn’t it? You cats are all alike!

Daphne: We ordered first! We should get our food first. She didn’t do anything wrong.

Dog: It’s obvious favoritism.

State Cat - Maine Coon Cat | Maine Secretary of State Kids' Page

Miki starts to hiss. Giselle puts down their food quickly and goes to the kitchen. She returns with the burgers and kibble. The boys look at their burgers and start to scarf them down. The mother dog sniffs and does not look pleased.

Dog: You gave me cat kibble, and it has fish!

Giselle: We don’t have cat kibble. We only have Sea Treasure and High Plains Bounty. They can be eaten by any animal.

Dog: This smells like fish! You brought the wrong thing. It should have gone to the cat table!

Giselle: Let me take it back, and get you another bowl.

Distemper Cases Rise Among California's Foxes, Raccoons, Skunks – CDFW News

Giselle quickly gets a replacement bowl of kibble and places it in front of the dog.

Dog (sniffing): What is wrong with you? Are you trying to kill me?? This smells like fish! Get me the manager!

Giselle bursts into tears and runs away to find the manager. Her mother and her friends get up and start to go over. A raccoon sitting between them reaches the dog first.

Raccoon: Try to calm down ma’am. She’s gone to find someone to help you.

Dog: She’s an idiot! Smell this food! It’s obviously full of fish.

The raccoon sniffs the food. Then he takes a bite. He chews thoughtfully. Then he takes another bite.

Raccoon: That’s delicious! I don’t taste any fish.

Dog: Hmmph! What do you know?

30 Adorable Husky Pictures | Reader's Digest

The manager approaches the table with Giselle. He’s a young Siberian Husky with a deep voice.

Manager: What seems to be the problem?

Dog: This CAT is trying to feed me cat food that’s made from fish. And I’m allergic to fish.

Manager: Ma’am, we don’t sell cat kibble; we sell all-species kibble. It appears that she did serve you petite-style. Did you want it replaced with regular?

Dog: I want it replaced with something that doesn’t contain fish! She knows I’m allergic and she’s trying to poison me.

The manager took a pawful of the kibble and sniffed it thoroughly before he ate it. He looked at Giselle.

Why is my Siberian Husky not eating? – petsKB

Manager: I can’t taste any fish in this kibble. It’s definitely High Plains Bounty. Perhaps it’s the smell of the ocean so close that is confusing you.

Dog: I’m not confused! There’s fish in that kibble! This is outrageous!

Manager: I’d be happy to replace it with anything on the menu.  But this is the only non-seafood kibble we have.

The puppies are trying to pretend that nothing is happening as they finish their meals. The rest of the diners are watching the mother. She looks outraged. Finally, she stands up.

Dog: Boys, get up. We’re leaving. And we are never coming back here.

She storms out of the cafe without paying. The other diners applaud as she leaves. Miki gives her a final hiss.

Clap Your Hands - Daily Squee - Cute Animals - Cute Baby Animals - Cute  Animal Pictures - Animal Gifs - GIF Animals

17

Mac the Magic Mouse – Part 2

19 Cat And Mouse Friends Examples That Will Make You Believe In Love Again  | Cats, Cute animals, Funny animals

Where we are – Mac (a mouse) has convinced Jerry (a cat) that he has magical powers to keep from being eaten. So far, Mac has specialized in algebra, but Jerry wants Mac to get Buttercup to go to the spring dance with him. You can read Part 1 here.

Mac: I’ve been thinking about your Buttercup situation. You just need to be yourself. Go up and tell her how pretty she is and ask her out.

Jerry: That won’t work.

Mac: Why not?

The Skittish Kitty: How to Help Your Shy or Fearful Cat | Litter-Robot Blog

Jerry: She’s gorgeous. I can’t even remember my own name around her.

Mac: Does she already have a boyfriend?

Jerry: I don’t think so.

Mac: OK. What do you know about her?

Jerry: She beautiful. And has a beautiful smile. And beautiful eyes.

Cat looking up rsources on computer | NOVA Cat Clinic - Arlington, VA, Cat-Only  Veterinarian Hospital

Mac: Never mind. Let’s look her up on MeowTime.

Mac opens up the social media site and looks at Buttercup’s page. She looks pretty much like a typical cat to him.

Mac: Wait a minute! She’s president of the Inter-species Tolerance League. That’s a little different. You can talk to her about animal justice.

Jerry: Yeah!….Wait, what? What’s Inter-Species Tolerance?

Mac: It means she thinks cats should be nice to other animals, not just cats.

love by Melanie DeFazio | Pets, Cute baby bunnies, Cute cat gif

Jerry: That’s kind of weird. Are you sure?

Mac (sighing): Yes, I’m sure. Look at the pictures she posted.

Jerry scrolls down and sees Buttercup posing with a bunny, a dog, and a horse. Oh my cats! She took a picture with a mouse!

Jerry: She’s friends with a mouse? How did that happen? This is too bizarre. I need some time to think about this.

What Are the Cutest Cat Breeds? | Petfinder

Jerry went to school the next day. When he saw Buttercup, he couldn’t help staring. She was so pretty. But she liked mice??? As friends??

She saw him looking at her and smiled. He smiled back before hurrying home.

Jerry: Mac! Mac! She smiled at me! I think I’m in love. Make her want to go out with me.

Mac had been thinking since they had looked at MeowTime. He didn’t know that cats had inter-species tolerance leagues. It did seem a little weird, but maybe he could help Jerry after all.

Cats and mice can be friends too! : aww

Mac: Hey, Jerry! I had an idea. Since Buttercup is so open-minded about other animals, maybe you could send her a picture of us and that would kind of give you guys something in common.

Jerry: That’s a great idea!

Jerry posted a picture, “Jerry and Mac.” She responded with a heart emoji.

Jerry: Great idea, Mac! Now what?

Mac: Now you have to talk to her.

Jerry: Oh.

Woman Finally Films The Mysterious 'Lover' That Has Been Bringing Her  Flowers, And It's Not What She Expected | Bored Panda

The next day Mac had Jerry take a couple of flowers for Buttercup. He handed to them to her and blushed.

Buttercup: Thank you! I loved the picture you posted! I didn’t know you had a mouse friend! That’s so pawsome!

Jerry: Mac is my magical mouse. He lives in my drawer.

Buttercup: That’s sweet! I’d love to meet him sometime.

cats hugging - Bend Pet Express

They talked for several minutes and finally Jerry got up the nerve to ask Buttercup to the dance. She said that she would love to go with him. It was their first date, and they really liked each other.

Jerry decided to join the Tolerance League. Buttercup did meet Mac and they got along well. She explained to Jerry that Mac wasn’t magic, he was just really smart. Mac ended up feeling safe enough to stay in Jerry’s room.

Why do cats want to be with the person who is allergic? – Dog Doors | Cat  Doors

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

18

Mac the Magic Mouse

cat studying - Perth Cat Hospital

Jerry was getting more and more frustrated with his algebra homework.

Jerry: Who cares which train is getting to Topeka first? I’m a cat, for crying out loud. We don’t even ride trains.

He was starting to doodle on his paper when he heard a slight rustling in the corner. Naturally, he had to see what was making the noise. He stalked over and sat in a crouch, waiting.

How to Deal with Mice in the Walls - Bob Vila

Suddenly, he pounced and came up with a plump mouse.

Mouse: Put me down!

Jerry was startled. He dropped the mouse and put his paw on its tail.

Mouse: That’s a little better. Now release me.

Jerry: I’m not going to release you. You’re just the right size for a snack.

150 Adorable Pet Mouse Names | LoveToKnow

Mouse: You can’t eat me. I’m Mac the Magic Mouse.

Jerry: Right.

Jerry started to scoop up the mouse.

Mac: Stop! I can prove it! Have you ever met a talking mouse?

Jerry:  Dude, we’re cats. Most mice aren’t dumb enough to come into our house.

Can cats do logic? | plus.maths.org

Mac: Fair enough. I’ll prove I’m magic. Let me help you with the math.

Jerry hesitated. Mac did look really tasty. But it seemed rude to eat someone he had been talking to. Besides, he didn’t want to spend all night with the stupid trains.

Mac: OK. This train from Newark is going to get there in 6 hours, but the one from Phoenix would only take 4.5 hours.

Jerry: Are you sure? Or are you just trying to get away?

Mac: Of course I’m sure. What’s next?

Cute cat and mouse friendship 2 years apart - Imgur

The little mouse worked on the math for several minutes before Jerry’s mom called him for dinner.

Jerry wasn’t sure what to do with Mac. He had never heard of magic mice. What if he could escape?

Mac: Since you’re going to be eating, I’ll get going too.

Jerry: Sorry, little buddy. But I need you to finish helping me. If you’re really magic you’ll be useful for all sorts of things.

Cats as dinner guests | Worms & Germs Blog

Jerry put Mac in a drawer and went to eat. When he was finished with dinner, Jerry got the little mouse out again.

Mac: Am I dessert?

Jerry: Don’t be silly. I told you that I need you. Let’s finish the homework.

Mac quickly did the algebra. He was also helpful studying chemistry. The next day, Jerry discovered that Mac had done everything perfectly.

Jerry: You are magic! The teacher said it was the best work I’ve ever done!

I'm so glad to see you! | Excited cat, Cats, Crazy cats

Mac: I told you! Aren’t you glad you didn’t eat me? So I can leave?

Jerry: Of course not! Why would I release a magic mouse? What else can you do for me?

By the next afternoon, Mac was getting pretty nervous. He had been sure that he would be able to slip out while Jerry was at school, but the drawer was more secure than he realized. Jerry was being nice to him, but he was a cat. It was only a matter of time before something would trigger his natural instincts.

Jerry: Hi, Mac! Another great day at school! I think I’m beginning to get the hang of algebra. You really are magic! What else can you do?

My Catsa dance better then your Salsa dance cute photography cats images cat  eyes cat images animal images awesome images | Gatos bonitos, Gatos legais,  Gatos

Mac: Umm. It’s nothing really. You just needed some confidence. You don’t really need me around. It’s probably time for me to get going.

Jerry: Don’t be ridiculous. I have big plans for you. The spring dance is in a couple of weeks, and I want to ask Buttercup. She totally ignores me, but I’m sure that you can get her to go with me. It’s pawsome having my own magic mouse!

Mac (smiling nervously): Sure, buddy.

Mac had no idea what to do, so he went back to his drawer and began to pace.

Adorable :): | Cute animals, Unlikely animal friends, Animals friendship

Next week: Will Mac be able to work some magic on Buttercup or will Jerry discover that he’s just a really smart mouse?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

 

12

Scrolling Through Animal Twitter

Cat with a cell phone. The cat with a cell phone is on a beach , #Sponsored, #cell, #Cat, #phone, #beach, #cat #ad | Cats, Cat artwork, Funny animals

Before we get started, we would like to thank Oliver at Feline Opines for featuring us on this week’s chat.

Note: We don’t have Twitter. All references are figments of our imaginations and, hopefully, bear no resemblance to reality.

Black Bear

Marley Bear @bearcubmom

Cubs are adorable. And maybe one day, I’ll get all of the berry juice out of my fur. Or maybe I should just try to love purple fur.

Crushed nuts: Photographer captures a family of squirrels in a tree

Sophie Squirrel @squirreljinx

Looking for a roommate. Affordable rates. Must be willing to share tree with extended family and very noisy magpies. Would prefer sound sleeper. Please no raccoons or other creatures of the night.

My mom's 'no cats on the table' rule doesn't get enforced when you're this cute : cats

CatsCatsCats @CatsCatsCats

Read our review of “Cat Table Manners.” It’s another hilarious human book about ways to “train” us. They seem to think that we belong on the floor when the food is on the table.

pictures of unicorns - Google Search | Unicorn pictures, Real unicorn, Magical creatures

UnicornsRReal @unicornsunited

Unity rally taking place 1 pm this Friday at Memorial Park near the gazebo. We will march to City Hall and present our petition for formal recognition as a species. Bring your friends and family. No doubters/haters please.

Cute hedgehogs eating mushrooms | Cute animals, Animals, Animals beautiful

Hal Hedgehog @hoggyhal

Don’t forget Snail Fest this weekend. Fun for the whole family. Games and food for all. Be sure to stop by and try my homemade snail marinade. I’ve been working on it for weeks. My wife says it goes or I do.

Timeline Photos - Amazing World of Animals & Nature | Boxer puppies, Boxer dogs, Boxer puppy

Frankie @therealdealdog

City Council is working to tighten the leash laws again. No pun intended. All you dogs running around loose: get yourselves together. I don’t want to lose my park privileges because you can’t control yourselves.

Persian Cat Names - Over 200 Gorgeous Ideas!

Penelope Persian @genuineamericanbeauty

I can’t believe the humans are thinking about getting another cat! They barely have time to meet my needs. My breakfast was 10 minutes late this morning. And they completely forgot treats yesterday! How are they ever take care of two of us?

cell phone animals - St Mary Anne's Church

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

 

10

OMC! The Cats Have a Phone

Cat Phone GIFs | Tenor

Not really. But we did get to see a list of some of the abbreviations humans use on their phones. Some of them are pretty funny, and some of them are kind of lame. But we thought that we might be able to adapt some of them for ourselves. First is what you humans say, second is how we plan to use it.

ASAP – As Soon as Possible – needs to be replaced with RN (below)

BEG – Big Evil Grin – we like this one the way it is

BRB – Be Right Back – we’d like to use this with our humans. It would mean “Don’t move. I’ll be back in less than a couple of hours and will continue to want your undivided attention

44+] Cats in Snow Wallpaper on WallpaperSafari

CTWN – we made this one up – Change the Weather Now – for when the weather is too nasty to go out or is too bad for decent cat TV

DIY – Do it Yourself – seems like it will really come in handy if the humans are silly enough to ask us to do something

IDK – I Don’t Know – seems useless. Cats always know.

ILY – I Love You – We don’t really have a problem with it. We prefer ITY – I Tolerate You, particularly when it comes to all but our very favorite human(s) and other creatures

Opinionated? Me? - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat  pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

IMO – In My Opinion – seems kind of silly. We’re cats. Who else’s opinion would we care about?

LOL – Laugh Out Loud – cats don’t really laugh (See BEG). We prefer MOL – Meow Out Loud – to be used when we think something is amusing

NA – Not Available – We prefer OTB. But if you want to be delicate, this is an acceptable substitute

NP – No Problem – apparently humans use this when someone asks them to do something and they will do it. We like the concept. We’ll get around to whatever at some undefined point in the future

Excited kitty | Excited cat, Happy birthday cat, Cat memes

OMG – Oh my Goodness – no cat would ever say that. We’d say OMC – Oh my Cats

OTB – we made this one up – On the Box – it means DO NOT DISTURB

POS – Parents Over Shoulder – this is dumb, we don’t care if other cats are around. We prefer HOS – Human Over Shoulder – to be used when on Amazon, in the treats, etc. and the human is spotted

RN – Right Now – we like the concept. Is there a way to make it stronger?

Silver Vine: A Popular Alternative to Catnip • The Catnip Times

ROFL – Rolling on the Floor Laughing – we would not do this on the floor. We prefer ROFM/ROFP – Rolling on the Floor Meowing/Purring – to be used when extremely contented

TBH – To Be Honest – we don’t need this; cats are always honest

TGIF – Thank Goodness it’s Friday – we don’t care what day of the week it is. We prefer TGIS – Thank Goodness it’s Snacktime – to be used when we really need a break

Image result for cat meme i heard the word snacks | Cute cats, Cute  animals, Cats and kittens

TTYL – Talk to You Later – we don’t really talk. We prefer MTYL – Meow to You Later. To be used with friends

YOLO – You Only Live Once – we have nine lives. We prefer YOLNT – You Only Live Nine Times

Now we have to get on Amazon to get those phones.

Mama cat tells kitten he inst getting anything in store. Haha | Cute baby  cats, Funny cat memes, Cute animal quotes

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

15

The RHCCC: Talent Show – Part 1

The World's Most Famous Library Cat | Cats, Cat books, Bookstore cats

You can see the introduction to The Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove here.

Fluffy loved her position as the unofficial social director of Crabapple Cove. The only real downside was that it seemed like half of her life was spent trying to raise money for one worthy cause or another. She liked to try innovative ideas, but sometimes they just didn’t work.

3 Reasons Why Cat People Are The Best Kind Of People.

One example was the mess she was looking at just now. Someone had suggested a mini carnival to raise money for the Crabapple Cove Public Library. Living in Maine, she had some concerns about the weather so they were holding it in the high school gym. Fluffy had attended a private school. She didn’t realize that high school gyms have a “special” smell. Luckily, she seemed to be the only one who noticed.

The Dangers of Strings, Ribbons, and Yarn for Cats

On the other hand, why had she allowed the yarn-ball pit? It had seemed like a good idea when someone suggested it. Large balls of yarn in a huge basket for the kittens to jump around in. She didn’t have kittens. How was she supposed to know that they would start jumping on top of each other? Or that their mothers would get so upset that their little puff-balls got jumped on?

Lolcats - whack a mole - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with  words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with

Whack-a-Mouse wasn’t going as planned either. What type of weirdo would assume that she was going to provide real mice for them to wallop?

Image result for cat meme i heard the word snacks | Cats, Cute animals, Pets

The snacks seemed a little off too. Who knew that Mousie Krunchies wouldn’t have real mouse in them? Or that some people would expect high-grade free-range poultry in the moist treats? Everyone knows they are the best, but we’re trying to make money. Those snacks are really expensive.

Tumblr User Explain Why Cats Are Obsessed With Eating Bread | Bored Panda

The baked-goods table was a disaster. She finally had to kick out the kid who kept licking the cream off the salmon mousse. And who knew that you couldn’t have catnip-infused cookies inside a public school? Strangest of all, why did some of them think their entry ticket entitled them to a free snack of their choosing?

Cleaning the bathroom | Cat work, Cat memes, Cats

Fluffy went over to talk to Bella, who had been taking tickets.

Fluffy: This is a disaster.

Bella: I’m afraid you’re right. One of the moms is threatening to sue over the yarn-ball pit.

Daphne and Miki walked up.

Daphne: Don’t worry. I took care of that. She was fine once her kitten stopped crying.

Miki: You’re still not going to make much. Once word got out about the snacks and ‘nip, cats decided they didn’t want to bother coming out.

Bella: What do we do now?

Fluffy: Let me think about it. Right now, we need to make sure everything is cleaned up. I don’t think I ever want to see this room again, but I don’t want them banning me either.

My cat sleeps constantly, when should I worry? | Memphis Emergency Vet

Fluffy went home and slept for a few hours. When she woke up, she had an idea that she chatted to her friends:

Image - 27970] | Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Committeh | Know Your Meme

Brainstorm! Remember that little screech owl who auditioned for us a while ago? She sang horribly, but was so sweet we wanted to help her somehow? I’m going to put on a talent show for the library. Maybe she can connect with someone who will help her. Round up everyone you know with an actual talent, and we’ll get things rolling.

KKPS: a talent show? - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat  pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

Come back in a month for the talent show.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

22

You want to Bring Home a Dog??!!

8ac1ee0552a9da53b3e842c4c2002b53.jpg

Don’t worry. We are remaining an all-feline household. Mom says that she is much too lazy to have a dog. And our human siblings are completely Team Cat as well. But Mom and our human brother were talking recently about how our human dad had wanted a dog several years ago.

Over 65 Unforgettable Dog Memes Hilarious Pictures Unleashed! | Funny  animal jokes, Funny dog memes, Funny animal memes

We had no idea there were so many kinds of dogs. Some definitely sound like better housemates than others. Lower energy and easygoing personalities sound the best to us. Mom would have insisted on a shelter dog, so we probably would have ended up with a goofy fur sib.

Why Does My Dog or Cat Have Bad Breath? - Bothell Pet Hospital

It got our furry brains wondering what life would have been like with a doggy sibling. First thing, it would have probably not have smelled as good. Dogs just smell – different. They probably smell fine to other dogs. But we’re cats – with cat standards. It’s hard enough dealing with some of the funky human smells.

dog shaming food Archives | 3 Million Dogs

And dogs eat – different. From what we’ve been able to read, some are not really very selective about what they eat, particularly about whether what they put in their mouths belongs to them. Or is even food.

21 Dogs Who Clearly Have No Idea How HUGE They Are

We probably would have had to fight for cuddle time too. It’s bad enough with just us cats, but imagine what it would have been like with something that considers itself “man’s best friend.” And it would have been bigger than us too. Humans are so hard to retrain; it would have been a nightmare.

funny-dog-cat-big-bed-jerk - Holidog Times EN

It probably would have taken even longer to train the dog. Even though dogs are obviously intended to be minion material, it would have been a lot of work.

14 Times Cats Tried To Blame Everything On The Dog (Memes) - I Can Has  Cheezburger?

On the other paw, it might have been nice to have someone to blame for stuff getting knocked over or broken. And it probably would have been tall enough to get stuff down for us. And maybe we could have ridden it…

17 Dogs That Are Completely Terrified of Totally Normal Things | Rolig  katt, Gulliga katter, Galna katter

Note: If any of you hear your humans talking about a canine baby, these breeds were mentioned in more than one place as good personality matches with cats: Basset Hound, Beagle, Bichon Frise, Bulldog, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Collie, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, Maltese, Papillon, Poodle, Pug, Shetland Sheepdog

Intensive online training courses in proofreading | Funny animal pictures,  Animals doing funny things, Cute cats

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

39

Broken Routine –> Chaos

Everyone knows that we cats love our routines. Ours wasn’t perfect, but we were content. Now Mom has ruined it. She’s having an attack of some kind of nerve condition that won’t let her eat or talk. If she can’t eat, she can’t work. (We know. Usually people say they have to work to eat. She’s weird.)

 

She works overnight, so she’d feed us when she got home. No worries, right? She’s home, so the feeding stays the same. Wrong, She sleeps different hours now because of the medicine she’s taking, so no one can keep track of breakfast time. We’re pretty sure she’s trying to skimp on us though.

 

After we ate, the three of us would hang out on the sofa for a couple of hours while she did computer stuff. Then we’d all go up to bed. Now she can’t lie flat, so she has to sleep on the sofa. She’s downstairs ALL THE TIME. We’ve lost all our bed-warmer time. And the three of us can’t sleep comfortably on the sofa.

Our human brother would make dinner. Mom says he’s a really good cook. We’re not sure what she’s using to measure that. When Mom cooked we got to share meat and fish. He cooks with something called lentils a lot. They are NOT meat or fish. He uses quite a bit of chicken. But he cooks it in weird stuff.

It’s gotten worse since Mom can’t eat. It’s all mushy, soupy stuff. And the chicken is too small to pick out. More proof we’re starving because she can’t eat.

After dinner, the three of us would take a nap before she went to work. Now she goes back to the sofa and plays on her computer.

Our lives are a mess!

Ed. Note: Cat’s having an attack of trigeminal neuritis.It’s nothing serious despite the cats’ feelings about their situation.

26

How a Cool Cat Stays Warm

You may remember Thunder, the most outspoken of the kitties who own our human sister and her family. She’s back to offer her tips for surviving the winter as we live through its unending stay.

Hello everyone, Thunder here! To those who may not know, I’m a Michigan kitty, and that means we have yucky, cold weather for a good part of the year. After watching my humans freeze (that lack of fur must suck!), I decided to share some tips on how to stay warm, no matter what the temperature!

Have your human get a bed warmer (and make sure they leave it on)! Mom got one for Christmas, and it’s guaranteed to warm paws and tummies even on the coldest nights. Share your bed with more than one person? Sunbeam makes one with dual sided controls, so everyone can be comfortable! 

Curl up on any available fabric. If you aren’t lucky enough to have a 24/7 bed warmer, any fabric will do. This includes blankets, towels, clothing, and the sofa, amongst many other options. While they may not radiate heat, they’ll act as a soft and cozy insulation. 

Sit near the heating vent. If it’s on a wall, sit right up against it. If it’s on the floor, lay directly on top of it. This may not be the most comfortable option, so kitties with sensitive furs, be careful if choosing this option. Don’t worry if your human complains at you- how often have they allowed your food dish to run out?

Cuddle up with your humans. Humans heaters have two benefits- they’re extra warm, and in cold weather, they don’t like to move much; this means disturbances should be at a low. Make sure they’re wearing comfortable sweats, or even a blanket for the maximum experience. 

Utilize your furry siblings. Much like your humans, your cat (or dog) siblings are a direct heat source- and fur is bound to be more comfortable than skin! However, if your siblings are like mine, and seem to think social distancing applies to cats as well as humans, it’s best to avoid this measure.

Grab any available sun spot. Sun spots may be less common in these months, so if a sun spot appears, grab it (bonus points if the sun spot falls on a nice soft blanket or bed).

Try to spend the majority of your time in the warmest room in the house. Most humans seem to heat one or two rooms more than the others. In our case, it’s the kitchen, and the Human Kitten’s room. Plan your day so you spend most of it in the warmest spot. 

Showers may be wet and tedious- but the steam will make a nice warm pocket of air that you can lounge in for a couple of minutes. Just make sure you don’t sit in the actual tub until it’s dry- unless you’re a water loving kitty. 

Dryers are warm and rumbly when in use- make sure that your human keeps the top of the drying machine warm, and take a 45 minute nap when it’s in use. It’ll even stay warm for a couple of minutes afterwards, so there won’t be a rush for you to find a new spot right away. 

Image result for cat with toys meme

Humans have to cover their paws when they go outside. While these paw covers are great to play in, and possibly even hide your favorite mousie in, they track in all sorts of goop from the (not so) great outdoors. This includes clots of snow and ice. Not only are they cold, but they’re also wet! What a horrible combination! As we all know, humans are a bit clueless, so try to keep their shoe tray clear (an occasional toy or furball is fine). You also may need to put some of your larger, bulkier toys just inside the door frame- when they trip, or jump to avoid them, not only will you get some entertainment, but it’ll also remind your human to remove their gross paw coverings. After all, a warm house starts with a dry house. 

Bulk up- the larger you are, the warmer you tend to be. Your humans spend hours away each day, working hard for money. That money is made for you. And what better expenditure than cat food? Eat as much as you desire- any extra winter fluff will fall off when cat TV returns in the spring and you can chase the birds and squirrels again. 

Winter is brutal- remember that your happiness is top purrority. Stay inside if at all possible, and stay safe and warm. Nap often, and remember cat approved weather is on the way.

Furs and purrs,

Thunder K. Katt

26

The Well-Groomed Cat

Cute Cats Grooming Each Others - YouTube

Some humans think it’s a little weird how much we groom ourselves (It can take up 30-50% of our waking lives). They never stop to think about how weird we think it is that they bathe so rarely. Or how disgusting that is. We thought we’d take a few minutes to do a little educating on why we do what we do. Once again, it’s time to teach your human. (Our pictures include examples of why this important task should not be left to humans.)

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Grooming helps us cool down – You will notice that, unlike humans, we do not become drippy, smelly messes when it gets hot or we exercise. We sweat through our pads. The drying of the saliva from our grooming also helps us cool down.

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We can wash our own backs – Remember last week when we were talking about how cool it was that our collarbones don’t attach to the bones in our bodies (only our front legs)? Not only can we squeeze through small spaces, we can turn our heads around to reach our backs to wash them. Even between the shoulders.

Cat Overgrooming: Why Is My Cat Licking Itself So Much? | PetMD

Our grooming may be tied to our general health – Humans don’t need to worry about the amount we groom on a regular basis (we are ultra-clean animals). It’s if we groom more or less than usual. More grooming could mean stress or tension. Less grooming could mean we can’t reach the area anymore or it hurts to groom there. Or it could mean that we got into something yucky.

National Hairball Awareness Day: Help Your Cat Celebrate - Catster

Our amazing tongues are responsible for hairballs. You know how we have those little hooks that help carry the food and water back into our mouths? They also carry any loose furs back there. We have to swallow those furs. Then we have to hack them up. Voila! Hairball. You can use this information as a weapon if you’d like.

Why Do Cats Groom Each Other? - Catster

We bond through grooming – No surprise here. We’re not going to let just anyone put their mouth on our precious fur. Besides, our moms showed us they loved us through grooming. As adults, how else are we going to get the new guy in the house to smell decent? It marks us a one of the family.

Why Do Cats Lick People?

We only groom the humans we love – Once again, we are bonding like our moms taught us. Why do some humans immediately wash off our love? No clue, but we love them anyway. Even if they do smell like human.

Why Does My Cat's Fur Stand On End? | 1-800-PetMeds Cares™

Our furs have muscles – That’s the secret behind how we fluff up when we get scared. The guard hairs use their muscles to stand up. Humans have puny hair compared to us.

Dinosaur Cat Haircuts Are The New Grooming Trend And I'm Not Sure How To  Feel

Our furs have cuticles that point away from our bodies – It’s kind of like being covered with overlapping shingles. If the shingles are all pointing in the right direction, we’re smooth and silky. If some of the shingles get moved in the wrong direction, we can get rough and spiky. Sometimes humans think it’s funny to pet us in the wrong direction. Then they get offended when we immediately lick the furs back into place. It feels weird with the furs kinked up. We’re not the antisocial ones, they’re the ones messing up the natural order.

Top 10 Cats With Bad Haircuts | Cat haircut, Cat grooming, Stupid cat

Hopefully, we given you some good conversation starters. If you have trouble getting their attention, a hairball usually does the trick.

14 Kittens -- Licking and Grooming Each Other - YouTube

Pictures courtesy of Google Images