11

More Christmas Carols for Cats

Hello! It’s Thunder, back in action! Last year, I wrote a list of well-known Christmas songs to make them more cat friendly. Sadly, as I listen to more Christmas music this year, I realized that people have not taken the hint, and continue to write songs as if only people are listening to them. Harrumph! So, I decided to edit eleven more songs, and a very special bonus from Kommando Kitty(!) to reflect the feelings of a cat! Please enjoy the updated versions to some of our favorite Christmas carols.

 

Angels We Have Heard on High

This song was done in honor of my sister, Angel! I’m not totally sure why songwriters would choose to feature the slightly less beautiful, less charismatic sister (no offense, Angel!), but oh well! Her name is probably easier to work with in the Christmas season.

“Angels who meow at me,

purring, sitting prettily.

Staring at the food she sees,

waiting for the human to come and feed.

Meow-oooooow-oooooow-ooooow-ia!

It is finally dinner time!

Meow-oooooow-oooooow-ooooow-ia! Now we will finally get to eat!”  

Grownup Christmas List

Grownups have too much stuff (not as much as human kittens, though. They have even more stuff, and most of it is useless!) So why do they need a Christmas list to request more dust gathering junk? Cats, on the other hand, never have enough things. Our boxes get crushed, our beds deflate, our toys hide under couches, and our food disappears! It’s plain awful! Clearly, cats need a Christmas list much more than grownups. I’m thinking our list would like a bit like this:

“Do you remember me?

I have lots of needs.

A mousie and a box in which to play

I also need a bowl, and please fill it up full.

I’m also thirsty, so some water please!

I do need a mat, soft, and furry, and flat.

On this surface I plan to nap!

No more loud noises outside, and no more rain I need to hide, and no more vacuums by my side!

Every cat would have a friend, and naps would never end, and scurchies on the tail bend!

This is my kitty Christmas list.”

Away in a Manger

I asked my human what a manger was, since it sounds suspiciously close to mange, a life-threatening condition that only your vet should treat. She showed me a picture of some trough thing that looked super uncomfortable. But in the song, Jesus had to sleep in one of these “mangers”. A bed sounds much better! And I’m pawsitive Jesus wouldn’t have minded sharing the space!

“Away in a manger,

there lays a tired cat.

She is trying to sleep but keeps getting pats on the back.

She blinks and her eyes close

and on to her back she rolls.

And she hopes that morning will come but very, very slow”. 

Let It Snow

I hate snow. It is cold, it is water, and it has no place anywhere near me. Why anyone would advocate for it snowing is beyond me. The only good thing is sometimes we get so much snow that my humans stay home and cuddle with me all day. So, I suppose snow does have some sort of use. Such as:

“Oh, the weather outside is frightful!

But the cat is so delightful!

And since our car won’t go,

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping, so I can be on the couch napping.

Turn the lights off now!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!”

O Come, All Ye Faithful

Large gatherings of people are annoying. They’re loud, and there’s a huge risk of someone stepping on your tail (especially if it’s as long as mine)! The only reason I could see people gathering is to feed and pamper a gaggle of cats. Also, I’ve suspiciously noticed that even people who claim to be cat lovers leave us for hours on end to go to “work” or to “shop and socialize”. This seems a bit odd to me, so I’ve changed “faithful” to “people”.

“Oh come, all you people!

Come and adore me!

I am beautiful

and you are lucky to be by me!

I am a kitty!

Very furry and pretty.

Oh, come and pet me!

Oh, come and feed me!

Oh, come and play and nap with me, right now, human!”  

Deck the Halls

I love it when my humans decorate! It gives me an opportunity to find new toys and to give my own touch to the holidays! There are shiny things, and balls, and twinkling lights- it’s like paradise! As such, I wrote a joyful reflection to this:

“Deck the halls and please the kitties!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Hang the balls, get in a tizzy!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Chase the sparkling lights around us!

Fa-la-la-la-la la la-la-la-la!

Feast on gourmet Christmas food now!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!”

 

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

This song is not solely dedicated to Angel, although once again, it shares her name (she seriously has the easiest name to sing about)! Although, to be fair, all cats sing lovely songs, at all times of the day! Clearly the song should be more like:

“Hark! The herald kitties meow!

At the top of their lungs, they’re super loud!

Peace in the house will be found with food;

this responsibility lies on you.

Joyful when the can arrives!

Pour it out from way up high!

Peace is finally in this house!

Now I shall go and hunt a mouse!

Hark! The herald kitties meow!

Peace in the house is finally found!”

 

Last Christmas

Cats are great at remembering the past (especially when you forget to feed us). So I thought it was fitting that there was a song that reminded you how generous we were in the past year. 

“Last Christmas, I gave you a mouse.

But you screamed really loud, and ran out of the house.

This year, to save you from fear, I’ll bring you a bird instead.”

Mary Did You Know

I’m not really sure who Mary was. And I’m not really sure what she was supposed to know. But after hearing the apparent grief she went through prior to people realizing Jesus was a really good guy to have on your side, I’m betting she wished she had a cat. If Jesus had been a cat, we could have sang:

“Mary did you know,

that a lonely cat would fall asleep in your lap?

Mary did you know,

that a kitty cat would ride along in your sack?

Did you know that you’d have to feed a gorgeous, starving feline?

When you get your milk in the morning, get me a bowl to drink!

Mary did you know…” 

 

Need a Little Christmas

Cats deserve the world. We need everything, and should have everything. And Christmas just isn’t centered around cats enough. So, I fixed it! 

“Haul out the boxes!

Put up a string of lights for the world to see!

Fill up the glasses.

Make sure they’re full of something I find yummy, please!

For we need a little Christmas! Right this very minute!

Shiny balls hanging! Tearing at the presents,

yes, we need a little Christmas! Right this very minute.

There hasn’t been a single flurry, but I don’t care because I’m furry!”

We Wish You a Merry Christmas 

This one seems pretty easy to turn cat friendly: we wish you a meowy catmas! But, of course, humans are too self centered to think about us poor, neglected felines. So, I took it upon myself to write:

“We wish you a meowy Catmas!

We wish you a meowy Catmas!

We wish you a meowy Catmas!

And a sleepy new year!

Good boxes we bring, to you and your friends.

Good munchies on Catmas, and a happy new year!

We wish you a meowy Catmas! We wish you a meowy Catmas!

We wish you a meowy Catmas!

And a sleepy new year!”

And now, what we’ve all been waiting for… The Kommando Kitty bonus! Kommando texted me with this idea, and I fell in love! It is so much better than my version of “Deck the Halls “. I am pleased to introduce to you “Wreck the Halls “, by Kommando Kitty! 

Wreck the Halls

“Wreck the halls while chasing mousies! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. 

Break the bulbs and pounce on Frosty! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. 

Dangle from the pretty wreath now! Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la. 

Shred the presents and eat the bows! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!”

I hope you enjoyed these updated and improved carols. Have a safe and happy Catmas, and may it be full of boxes, shiny ribbons, and naps! 

Furs and purrs,

Thunder K. Katt

14

Jake Rabbit, the Very Bad Hibernation Lodger – Part 2

Can My Bunny Play In The Snow? - Bunny Parents

Where we are: Jake Rabbit had been planning to spend the winter with his girlfriend Suzy in the home of the hibernating Woodchuck family. Unfortunately, he made too much noise and woke up the Woodchucks. Now he had to find a new place to stay. You can read Part 1 here.

Early the next morning, Suzy set out to find Jake. It didn’t take long. He was under the other end of the porch where the Woodchucks had burrowed. He looked pretty bedraggled.

sleepy bunny Free Photo Download | FreeImages

Suzy: Jake! What are you doing here?

Jake (embarrassed): I kinda got lost last night. After hopping around for a while, I came back here to get a little sleep.

Suzy: Where are you going to go?

Jake: I don’t know. Do you think I can go back and apologize to Wally?

Suzy: I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’s sleeping.

Jake: Oh, right. Maybe he wouldn’t notice if I just slipped back in.

You Shall Not Pass: Sweet But Angry Groundhog Tries to Scare People Off With Evil Laughter

Suzy: That is not a good idea.

Jake: Maybe we can find a place of our own.

Suzy: It’s the middle of winter. All of the good spots are taken. And there aren’t any leaves or grass around to make a bed.

Jake: Right. That’s a problem.

Suzy: What about your buddies? Maybe you can stay with one of them?

Jake: Nah. They’re a bunch of slobs. It would drive me nuts living with them.

Suzy: Could you move back home?

Jake: I don’t want to go back there.

Rabbit Fact Sheet | Blog | Nature | PBS

Suzy: Why not? I’m sure your Mom would let you stay.

Jake: It’s embarrassing. I said I was ready to leave home.

They went for a walk around the woods. It was a beautiful day. There were deer and squirrels running around. They didn’t see any of their friends, but ran into a couple of Jake’s sisters.

Jasmine: Jacob! How are you? We miss you!

Jake: I’m good.

Rabbits -- sad rabbit.

Jenny: How do you like living with the Woodchucks? Is it hard being quiet all the time?

Jasmine (looking at Suzy): We have a bet about how long he’s going to last before he gets in trouble.

Jenny (laughing): Yeah. Jake’s kinda loud for a rabbit.

Suzy and Jake looked at each other but didn’t say anything. Jenny stopped laughing.

Jenny: What’s wrong? Isn’t it working out?

Jake: That stupid woodchuck threw me out last night.

How High Can Rabbits Jump? - Sand Creek Farm | Rabbit jumping, Wild bunny, Animals

Suzy: Jake! He’s not stupid! You woke him up. He had a right to be mad.

Jake: Whose side are you on? I thought you were my girlfriend.

Suzy: I am. But you knew they were sleeping, and you had a party.

Jasmine: That was kinda dumb, Jake.

Jenny: Yeah. We love you, but no one could sleep through one of your parties.

Jake: I guess you’re right. It was dumb. But now I don’t have anywhere to live.

Pet-n-Sur - How do rabbits show happiness?

They all sat and thought for a few minutes. Jasmine started smiling.

Jasmine: Hey, Jen. Didn’t Aunt Sheila say that she was looking for someone to help around the house?

Jenny: That’s right! She’s been having a terrible time trying to find anyone.

Suzy: Isn’t she the one that lives in that gorgeous burrow by the big oak tree?

Jenny: Yep. It’s huge.

Suzy: You should talk to her.

HD lots of rabbits wallpapers | Peakpx

Jake: I don’t know. She has like a million kids. It’s a zoo over there.

Jenny: That’s why she needs someone to help.

Jasmine: You’d be perfect! You’re like a big kid.

The three girl rabbits talked Jake into visiting Sheila. He didn’t really like little rabbits, but he didn’t want to spend another night hiding under the porch. He nervously knocked at the door.

Sheila: Jake! It’s so nice to see you! How are you? Jennifer! Jasmine! And a beautiful stranger! Come in!

100 years ago: Rabbits burrow into willow tree | Environment | The Guardian

They all entered the burrow. It was beautiful. Sheila listened while Jake explained that he was looking for a place to spend the winter. There were several young rabbits running around, but it was not at all crowded.

Sheila: You are welcome to stay here if you would like, Jake. You can have a room at the back.

Jake: That would be wonderful! Can I have friends over?

Sheila:  Certainly. We can’t have any parties, of course, because of the children. But your girlfriend is more than welcome to visit, if she’d like. And, of course, your family is welcome.

Jake couldn’t believe his luck. He promised himself that this time would be different.

30 Cute Bunny Pictures to Make You Smile — Adorable Bunnies

Pictures courtesy Google Images.

21

Jake Rabbit, the Very Bad Hibernation Lodger

Teddy wants everyone to see his party hat and give him compliments : r/ Rabbits

Suzy Bunny had been subletting a room from Wally Woodchuck and his family for several months. She was a very sweet bunny, and they treated her like a daughter. Towards the end of summer, she brought her boyfriend Jake home to meet the Woodchucks.

Suzy: Everyone, this is Jake.

They all greeted him and invited him for dinner. He was a very charming rabbit and soon won everyone over with his jokes and laid-back manner. It wasn’t long before he was visiting every day.

When the weather began to cool down, Jake had an idea.

The rabbit on hind legs Desktop wallpapers 1366x768

Jake: Suzy, how about I move in with you for the winter? I need a place to get out of the snow, and it’s really nice here under the porch.

Suzy: You mean like we would be living together? That sounds awesome!

Jake: Yeah! Do you think it would be okay with the Woodchucks?

Suzy: I don’t know why they would mind they seem to really like you.

Jake: You should ask. I know they think of you like family.

Groundhog Day 2018 Results Are Very Different | Time

Suzy approached Wally and Wanda, explaining that she would like to have Jake move in. They looked at each other.

Wally: You know that we love you, Suzy. But we hibernate in the winter, and we’re just getting ready to settle down. We think it’s fine for you to stay here, but we really don’t know about having anyone else in the burrow.

Wanda: He seems like a nice young man, but rabbits don’t hibernate. We really need our rest.

Suzy was disappointed, but she went back to tell Jake that the answer was no. He didn’t say anything right away. But the next time he visited for dinner, he brought it up.

Two bunnies cuddling (Melts my Heart) : r/aww

Jake: You know, winter is coming and I really need someplace to stay in the bad weather. I’ve been dating Suzy for about six months now, and it would be perfect if I could just move in with her.

Wally: Where are you now, Jake?

Jake: I’m with my parents, but I don’t really belong there, being a fully grown rabbit and all.

Wally: That’s probably true. They’ll be having little ones in the spring, more likely than not.

Jake: Exactly. And I really don’t have any privacy. It’s not like I can take Suzy back there.

HotSpot Pictures | Sleepy groundhog

Wanda: We really like you, Jake. But we’re concerned about having someone coming and going at all hours while we’re trying to hibernate. Suzy is very quiet, and we think that she’ll be fine. We really don’t know you very well.

Jake: You won’t even know I’m here. I promise.

Suzy: You have my word. I’ll make sure he’s as quiet as I am.

5 Natural Ways To Get Rid of Groundhogs - Farmers' Almanac - Plan Your Day.  Grow Your Life.

The Woodchucks thought about it for a few days, and decided to let Jake move in. It was only a couple of weeks before hibernation, and they were busy gathering their nesting materials and eating extra to put on some weight. The only thing that they really noticed was that he seemed to have a lot of friends all of a sudden.

Wally: Well, this is good-night for the season. The kids are all settled in. Wanda and I wanted to see if you had any questions before we turn in.

Jake: Where do you keep the extra food? I noticed that there really isn’t much in the pantry.

Wanda: We don’t keep food over the winter. We’re sleeping. It’s up to you and Suzy to feed yourselves.

Jake: Oh. I guess I hadn’t really thought it through. That makes sense.

Do Rabbits Hibernate in Winter? {How do they Survive?} » Birds & Wild

Suzy: It’s okay, sweetie. You’ve foraged before haven’t you?

Jake: Not, really. I lived at home. Guess I’ll have to pick it up.

Wally: Anything else?

Jake: Exactly how soundly do you guys sleep? I mean, what if there’s an emergency?

Wally: What kind of emergency?

Jake: I don’t know. What if we need you?

Punxsutawney Phil's Groundhog Day 2012: A Shadowy Science

Wally and Wanda looked at each other.

Wally: Good night, Jake. Have a good winter, Suzy.

Suzy: Sleep well, guys. See you in the spring.

Jake started hopping around.

Jake: This is really weird. They’re going to sleep for months?

Suzy: That’s how hibernation works. We’ll be fine.

Commentary: Hibernation? Give it a rest | Chanhassen Opinion |  swnewsmedia.com

The Woodchucks get settled in for the winter, and are peacefully hibernating. Suzy and Jake were adjusting to life together.

Jake: We should have a party! You know, like a housewarming!

Suzy: We can’t have a party. The Woodchucks are hibernating.

Jake: How about something small? Just a few of our friends.

Reluctantly, Suzy agreed. A few rabbits came over one night. Suzy checked on the Woodchucks, and they seemed to be fine.

Group of rabbits eating food in the garden | Rabbit feeding, What to feed  rabbits, Rabbit eating

Jake: See? I told you it would be okay.

Jake got into the habit of having a few of his buddies over every couple of days. One or two of them seemed to be pretty much living at the burrow. Suzy didn’t really notice because she was busy outside of the burrow. She really liked winter. Jake didn’t notice that the Woodchucks were a little restless in the their hibernation.

Jake: Suzy, this is great! It’s like having our own place. It’s like the Woodchucks aren’t even here.

Suzy: I’m getting nervous, Jake. This isn’t our place, and we really don’t know how much noise they won’t hear. I promised them I would be quiet.

Jake: Relax. They’re out for the season.

Researchers find the secret of the bunny hop: it's all in the genes |  Genetics | The Guardian

Jake decided to throw a party. Suzy went along because she really liked Jake. Things were going pretty well until a bunch of rabbits started dancing. They were shaking the whole burrow. Suddenly, a very large form stood in the doorway.

Wally: I thought I told you that you needed to be quiet?

Jake didn’t even see him. Suzy poked him to attention.

Jake: What?

Groundhog Day 2022: Forecast, Facts, and Folklore - Farmers' Almanac - Plan  Your Day. Grow Your Life.

Wally: I TOLD YOU TO BE QUIET IF YOU WANTED TO STAY HERE!

Jake: Did we wake you?

Wally: Of course, you woke me. You woke everyone in the neighborhood. You need to leave. Now.

The other rabbits had scattered when they saw the large woodchuck. It was only Suzy and Jake in the burrow.

Suzy: I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was going to be so loud. I shouldn’t have agreed to it.

Wally: No, you shouldn’t have. He has to go. Or you both have to go. Now.

Jake slunk out into the darkness. He had no idea where he was going. Suzy was in tears. Wally stomped back to bed.

Next week: What is going to happen to Jake?

Can Rabbits Stay Outside in the Winter? | Rabbit Hole Hay

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

11

Live Big: Celebrate National American Bison Day

Plains Bison (Bison bison bison) | U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service

Greetings. Exciting news. Today is National American Bison Day! You know, those huge hairy beasts roaming the North American plains. The ones everyone used to call buffaloes. They’re the largest mammal in North America, and they have their own day to celebrate their awesomeness.

Bison Bellows: A New Initiative to Celebrate Bison (U.S. National Park  Service)

We’re lucky we still have this beauties with us. Before the European settlers arrived, there were approximately 30-60 million bison roaming around. (We know that’s a wide range, but bison weren’t very good recordkeepers.) Native Americans used bison for food, clothing, shelter, and other things, but the settlers hunted them almost to extinction. (They were also not very good with rifles.) We only have about 10,000 left, living in 17 herds. They live in the western U.S. and Canada.

Bison Interests - Investment Firm, Oil and Gas Investments

Every year since 2012, the US Senate has passed a resolution declaring the first Saturday in November as National Bison Day. (No, we have no idea why they have to do it every year. It doesn’t really seem controversial.) Even better, on May 9, 2012 President Obama made the American Bison the National Mammal of the U.S. with the National Bison Legacy Act.

First baby bison of the year born at Fermilab

Bison Fun Facts

  • They can weigh up to 1,000 pounds (that’s like 100 cats)
  • They originated in Southeast Asia about 2.5-2.6 million years ago. Yellowstone Park is the only place in the U.S. where they have lived continuously since prehistoric times.
  • They are a lot faster than they look. They can run up to 35 miles per hour.
  • They have poor eyesight, but their hearing and sense of smell help compensate.
  • They live up to 20 years.
  • The babies are called red dogs.

9 Laughing Animals | Laughing animals, Baby animals, Cute animals

Bison Riddles

What did the mother say when her son went to college?  Bison.

How can you tell there’s a bison under your sleeping bag? The ceiling of your tent is very close.

How can you tell a bison from a field mouse? Try to pick it up. If you can’t, it’s either a bison or a very large mouse.

What do you get when you cross peanut butter with a bison? Either peanut butter that roams the range or a bison that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

What do you call a bison at the North Pole? Lost.

What kind of car does a bison drive? A Furrari.

What animal is always the designated driver? Water buffalo.

What time is it when a bison sits on your bed? Time to get a new bed.

65 Different Species of Animals Laugh, Says a New Study

Bison Jokes

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a bison walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the bison’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!” “Not really,” said the bison. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

A man and his pet bison walk into a bar. It’s about 5 pm, but they settle in for a night of drinking. They spend the night drinking, one drink after another. Finally, it’s last call. The man says, ” One more for me, and one more for my bison.” The bartender sets them up, and they down the drinks. The bison falls over, dead. The mans throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat, and goes to leave. The bartender yells after him, “You can’t leave that lyin’ there.:The man responds, “It’s not a lion; it’s a bison.”

Bovini/Bisonte Americano(Bison Bison): | American bison, Animals, Herding

A bison sits down next to a man in a movie theater. The man asks, “Are you a bison?” “Yes, I am.” The man is surprised. “Why are you at the movies.” The bison replies, “I liked the book.”

A policeman stops a man who has a baby bison in the front seat of his car. “Why do you have a baby bison? You should take him to the zoo.” The man nods and drives off. The next week, the officer sees them again. They are both wearing hats and sunglasses. He pulls the car over. “I thought I told you to take the bison to the zoo.” The man replies, “I did, officer. We had such a good time, we’re going to the beach this week.”

Numbat - ZooBorns

Hope you found this entertaining. In case you’re interested, November 5th is also National Redhead Day, World Tsunami Awareness Day, Chinese Food Takeout Day, and World Numbat Day. Numbats are banded anteaters (also known as walpurti), who live in western Austalia. If you live in the UK, it is primarily known as Guy Fawkes Day/Gunpowder Day/Bonfire night. They are celebrating either an attempt to blow up Parliament or the successful repression of that attempt.

Regardless, we think it’s Bison who rule the day.

National Bison Month - American Humane - American Humane

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Jokes courtesy of http://www.jokes4us.com/animaljokes/buffalojokes.

21

What’s Worse Than a New Cat in the House?

Cute Photos of Cats and Babies Sure to Steal Your Heart

Greetings, everyone. We, Snoops and Kommando Kitty, are welcoming our new brother Sgt Stripes to the blog because we are all in a terrible situation this weekend. We have been overrun by two small (13 months and 2 years), loud children. And we are not happy.

Snoops here. They arrived Thursday, and nothing seemed out of place. Our human sister brings them over once in a while. They stick around for a few hours, make a lot of noise, smell weird, and then go home. Then our sister and her husband left, but the rugrats stayed. I was pleasant and didn’t run away, but one of them tried to touch me. I am now watching from a distance.

Sgt Stripes reporting. I had a terrible night. The way it usually works is that I have the run of the upstairs house during the day. Then the humans spend time with me at night before I go to my room and Kommando (and maybe Snoops) sleeps with Mom. Last night, they brought up these two creatures. I’ve never seen anything like them before. I guess they’re miniature humans. But the one tried to CHASE me.

Cats That Think They Are The Masters At Hiding - I Can Has Cheezburger?

I was terrified. I love cuddling with the big humans, and have no problem letting them pick me up. But this creature was trying to grab me! And he was making a lot of noise. I hid under the bed. Later, the bigger one started crying. A lot. There was no way I was coming out. After they were finally asleep, the humans coaxed me out. But I refused to go in my room. That’s where they tried to grab me. At least they slept for a long time. They went back downstairs in the morning. But I think they’ll be back tonight.

Kommando here. Today was even worse than yesterday. Mom had them in the kitchen while she was doing the dishes. The little one unplugged our fountain and dumped the water. Mom didn’t think he could get to the cord. Now we have to drink out of a bowl until they leave. Our kibble and wet food can’t sit on the floor right now either unless we are being fed. One of them tried to eat it. When the little humans visit, their parents usually put a fence in place to keep them out of the kitchen. But the fence keeps me out too. (I’m not really a jumper.)

I tried to get cuddles while Mom was watching TV. But that little human was on the sofa with her. And he PETTED me. It was very traumatic. Now I’m with Snoops watching them from a distance.

Lolcats - tail - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

We’re not sure how long they’re staying. Mom says a couple more days. That is a long time. Our eating is messed up. And our bedtime routines are scrambled. Mom says they’re trying to be friendly because they have kitties of their own. We’ve heard stories that our cousins Angel and Thunder even let them touch their tails. Not gonna happen here.

We don’t have much experience with small humans, but they smell even worse than big humans. Maybe because they’re down here on the ground with us. And sometimes they make a lot of noise. Mom tries to keep them quiet and entertained, but sometimes it doesn’t work and they cry. Really loud.

We thought it was tough trying to get used to other cats. This is a whole different animal.

40 Funny Grumpy Cat Memes

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

17

Cat Forum: Are You the Hunter or the Hunted?

Hi Everyone. It’s Kommando Kitty leading off today. I am not a happy cat. My mom and human brother are calling me a scaredy cat. They keep trying to introduce our new invader brother, and I don’t want to meet him. Snoops pretty much ignores him, but I run when he comes near. Mom says he’s going to think I’m prey. I don’t understand why they can’t just leave him upstairs.

Back when I moved in, things were different. I was a tiny kitten, and Snoops had just been adopted after having kittens. She adopted me, but I made sure that I was in charge. Over the years, she’s gotten more assertive, so we’ve been more-or-less equals for a while. Now there’s a new guy. He doesn’t seem mean or aggressive. Nobody’s even heard him hiss or growl. He has a LOT of energy. And I just want to hang out.

This is Snoops. The humans are taking things slowly here. It should be okay soon. It’s just weird, because Kommando has really mellowed out over the years. She used to be a little bully. Now I have to protect her. It’s like she got a personality transplant.

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We’ve been looking at the different types of personalities that cats have. It’s pretty interesting. Apparently, someone has been doing a lot of work and identified the five basic personality traits of kitties. They are: skittishness, outgoingness, dominance, impulsiveness, and agreeableness. All of us have some degree of each trait to make up our unique selves.

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Skittishness (or Neuroticism) – This measures where you fall on the calm to stressed out scale. The more neurotic you are, the more easily you get stressed out. You are more likely to be anxious or depressed. You will run from the unknown or strange things. It’s not a bad thing to be skittish. Just make sure you have a place to hide and feel safe. You may be braver when you are more comfortable with the situation.

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Outgoingness (or Extroversion) –  Let’s face it. Some cats are party animals and some are not. (We are not, but we think that Sgt Stripes probably is.) This measurement looks at how impulsive you are versus being cautious. We are all curious, but some of us take it to the extreme. Some cats go through life looking for adventures, while others are happy living with set limits. Outgoing cats are sometimes called “nosy.” They are easily bored and need more mental stimulation than their more introverted friends. They may get destructive when they get bored. If you are an extroverted cat, make sure you have plenty of toys. Playing with your human will help you avoid boredom.

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Dominance – Dominant cats are the ones who always want to be first and try to run everything. You know the type. They may try to control everything in the house (food, toys, litter box). Dominant cats sometimes try to dominate the humans as well as other cats. They will chase the others, pick fights, try to make others move, steal food/toys, and generally be obnoxious. At the other end of the scale are the meek cats who are content to be at whatever level they find. One way to deal with a dominant cat is to make sure that there are enough water bowls, food dishes, litter boxes, etc. for everyone. Even the head cat can’t be everywhere at once.

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Impulsivity – Some cats seem to be unpredictable. One day, they will act one way and the next day completely different. One day they like something, the next day they don’t. These cats are usually high energy and may be a little anxious. Cats may be more impulsive when they are uncertain of their surroundings. Giving this type of cat some structure may help, like set feedings and playtime. Humans need to be extra calm around impulsive kitties to help lower their anxiety levels.

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Agreeableness –  This measures where you fall on the Nice to Unfriendly scale. Agreeable cats are nice – they get along with everyone, and are usually happy to give a cheerful hello, rub, or head bonk. Well-socialized, healthy kitties are usually nice kitties. A cat who is disagreeable or aggressive usually has been poorly socialized, poorly treated, or in pain. On the other hand, we all have bad days. (And sometimes humans are just annoying.)

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Obviously, we all have our own personalities. And there’s no such thing as a bad kitty. If you are interested in taking a Cat Personality Test, you can find the one from IDR Labs here.  It’s free and fun.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

24

Sgt Stripes Reporting for Duty

Hello, everyone! My name is Sgt Stripes, and I am the new cat in the house. I moved in three weeks ago after my surgery. They said they had to “fix” me. Pretty insulting if you ask me. I think they actually broke me. The doc said I was going to need a couple of weeks to recuperate fully. I was up and exploring by that night.

I was supposed to be separated from the lady cats (Snoops and Kommando) for two weeks while I healed and then introduced. It didn’t work out that way. I got loose after a couple of days and ran downstairs. I woke up Snoops. She was not pleased. I’ve never seen a cat that fluffy. She sounded really mad too.

Then I got out and met Kommando. I tried to walk up to her, but she ran away from me. She hid under the bed. I didn’t even get a chance to introduce myself. I hope she’s not really afraid of me. I didn’t chase her or anything. And I didn’t make any noise.

So they’ve been letting me stay upstairs during the day and in my room at night. I really like it here. I have my own full-size bed. They have a cat-size bed too, but I’m not sure who’s supposed to be staying in that one. They gave me some kind of blanket that warms up. I really like it since it’s gotten kinda cold. There are all kinds of places to jump on. And lots of windows to look out. But it’s kind of boring all by myself.

I have a big fish that I play with, but my favorite is something that Mom calls a “puffy.” I guess humans put soap in them and use them when they take a bath. It’s the perfect size for me to pull on the edges and use as a kick toy. Humans take weird baths. I thought water was just for drinking. I’ve discovered that I really like toilet paper. It shreds like crazy. It’s the perfect workout for my claws. For some reason, the humans don’t like having it all over the room.

The food is pretty good. I get wet food in the morning, and kibble at night. I haven’t seen any mice or voles on the menu yet. I’m hoping that I’ll get a shot at fresh meat soon. I tried some of my brother’s pasta today. Human food is fun, but some of it doesn’t taste very good.

The humans spend quite a bit of time with me. I like humans. They cuddle and pet me. I had to learn not to try to eat Mom though. She got really fussy when I tried gnawing on her arm. Head bonks seem popular. And humans are nice and warm! I like the computer too. But I haven’t figured out how to catch the animals in there.

I learned how to turn on the ceiling fan. The cord is long and I can pull it from my bed. The only problem is, that makes the room kind of cold. Mom said something about getting a different cord. I haven’t really had a chance to check out all the cool things on the top of the dresser yet.

I tried going downstairs again this evening. Snoops seemed okay with it. Not thrilled, but she stayed normal-size. Mom says tomorrow’s the day for the formal introduction. She’s going to bring in a huge catnip plant to distract the other cats. I’m going to have full run of the house. I can’t wait.

25

A Cat’s Guide to Welcoming Fall

Greetings fellow felines. Snoops and Kommando here. Whether you realized it or not, fall has fallen. Last Thursday was the autumnal equinox, which means that fall has officially arrived in the northern hemisphere. We like this time of year because the days are getting shorter and that means more time for cuddling. We also get to break out our favorite blankets.

We’ve been looking around the Internet to see what other kitties enjoy doing this time of year, and to be honest, we were a little surprised. It seems that a lot of cats enjoy taking in the sights this time of year. We’ve gathered a few of the most popular ideas.

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Visit a Pumpkin Patch

Some patches allow pets, so if you’re the adventurous type, maybe you want to stroll among the pumpkins. They come is all sizes and we’re sure your human could use the help when it comes to picking out the perfect one for your porch. And it will make a great social media post. Just make sure you’re in a stroller or on a harness/leash. You don’t want to be left there.

4 years of kittens on Twitter: "https://t.co/k9j32wIf1o" / Twitter

Play in the Leaves

Once they come down off the trees, leaves are a lot of fun to play in. You can run and jump and hide. Loose leaves blowing in the wind are fun to chase. It’s also a lot of fun to supervise the humans putting them into big piles for us to jump in. If you don’t want to play with them outside, maybe you can talk your human into bringing a few into the house. If they put a couple of small logs in a box with the leaves, you will have a pawsome sensory pit. Your human can also decorate your catio with fall foliage.

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Go Hiking

If you like walking outside, now is the perfect time. It’s not too hot to enjoy wandering around. There should be lots of leaves and other stuff on the ground to explore. If you don’t want to walk; try talking your human into carrying you in a backpack. Or a stroller would be cool too. Make sure you don’t snack on anything you can’t identify.

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Go for a Drive

We’re told that some cats love cars. We are not those cats. But if you are, this is a great time to talk your human into a drive around the neighborhood to look at the fall colors and how things are changing. Maybe they’ll even stop at a cat-friendly shop and get you a spiced pumpkin cream drink.

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Make Pumpkin Treats

Many cats love pumpkin puree. It’s full of fiber and is good for our digestive systems. Pumpkin has lots of vitamins A and C, as well as antioxidants. You can either get it canned or out of one of those pumpkins you found at the pumpkin patch. Some kitties like it mixed with a little chicken or tuna. You can even have your human grind up the seeds and mix them in.

Came down stairs and my cat was just chilling, watching tv like this :  r/funny

Watch a Scary Movie

It’s perfect weather for curling up under a blanket and watching a movie with your favorite human. The best part is that they won’t move for a couple of hours. Maybe you can talk them into getting you some freeze-dried cat treats as a special movie munchie.

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Visit a Fall Festival

This doesn’t really sound like all that much fun to us, but we’re putting it out there for you ultra social types. There are lots of outdoor festivals in the fall, but they usually come with a lot of people and noise. If your human thinks you might enjoy it, insist on a stroller or backpack. A related idea is Oktoberfest which also has activities in a brewery, some of which are pet-friendly. You can enjoy a snack on the patio.

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Go Apple Picking

Some orchards allow pets on the premises. You might want to join your human when they go to pick apples. We recommend a backpack or stroller – those places are huge! Definitely see if you can score a bite or two of apple while you’re there.

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Tour a Corn Maze

We really don’t understand the appeal of a corn maze. Human wander around down rows of corn plants, trying not to get lost. But it sounds like it would be a fun way to get some fresh air. You definitely want a backpack or stroller. Who knows how long your human might be wandering around.

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Do a Photo Shoot

Does your human need more pictures of beautiful you? This is the perfect opportunity. If you like to dress up, you can do a Halloween shoot. Otherwise, just some pictures among the fall foliage would be beautiful.

These are only a few of the things we found to do this time of year. Of course, you can always follow our lead: fall is the time when we both move back onto Mom’s bed for lots of cool weather snuggling.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

22

What to Do When Your Human Gets Sick

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here again. Mom’s sick, so we’re back on blog duty, as if being the talent wasn’t enough trouble without needing to keep this whole operation afloat by ourselves. Since this clearly won’t stand, we’re going to nurse her back to health. Mom says we’re not “Get Well” kitties, though. (She keeps talking about some former cat – we hate it when she loses focus on us like that.) So we’re going to us this post to prove her wrong. Here are some common human ailments, and what you can do about them.

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Coughing

Just like us, humans cough sometimes. Unlike us, it’s not because they get hairballs. Since they aren’t actually coughing anything up, the whole thing is a bit of an unsightly waste of time. Sometimes it can help to lay on your human’s chest. However, if they are really seriously coughing, then this isn’t always enough. Not to mention that it can make their chest seriously unstable, what with all the convulsions. In these cases, we advise laying over your human’s mouth and nose, which is almost guaranteed to stop their coughing.

Fever

If you’ve ever thought that your human is even warmer than usual, then they might have had what Mom calls a fever. You’re not dreaming; they actually do get warmer! As an added bonus, they’re even more likely to lay down when it happens, so make sure to take full advantage and get in a nice nap with your human. Ours keeps water on the bedside table when she has a fever, which we think is extra-considerate, since it means we only have to get up if we need to eat or use the litter box. Humans reading this, take note.

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Runny Nose/Stuffy Nose

You’d think a nose as basic as the average human’s would require little to no upkeep, but you’d be wrong. Somehow, it’s one of the most failure-prone parts of many humans, whether it gets clogged or starts to ooze human juice. On the whole, it’s pretty gross, so we recommend that you stay away until your human is healed on their own. It might feel callous, but there’s really nothing you can do. Humans are tougher than they look (thank goodness).

sleepy cat Blank Template - Imgflip

Lethargy/Drowsiness

On a more positive note, your human may become tired and lie down because of their illness. This is what we mentioned when were talking about fevers. As we stated earlier, this is the perfect time to catch up on all those missed nap opportunities from when your human was making lame excuses to leave the house, like “work.” (Your very presence should comfort and reassure your human. If it doesn’t, or if you can’t tell, make sure your human knows you’re there, by batting at their face, jumping on their chest, gently gnawing their toes, or whatever you normally do to get their attention. Your human might be sick, but that’s no excuse for them to be ungrateful.)

Headaches

Occasionally, your human might complain about a sore head. We’ve seen how their brains work, so this isn’t surprising. In general, they’re kind of like fevers, where making sure your human is resting and recovering on their own is the best option. Some headaches are made worse by loud noises, though. If your human winces and holds their head when you hear something noisy, take note. We recommend loudly meowing to cover up the noise aggravating your human’s condition – be sure to drown it out entirely, working in a team if necessary.

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Upset Stomach

Some humans have very delicate dispositions. For example, Mom gets queasy when Snoops brings her mousy bits to snack on. Many humans complain of tummy trouble from time to time. Our best advice is to just be proactive and keep an eye on what your human is eating. If there’s anything you don’t recognize, you should at least give it a sniff test, if not a taste test. remember that your human might no know what’s best for them, and don’t be afraid to be persistent if they don’t want to let you see their food. If you’re not careful, Bast knows what they will put in their mouths. Ours keep trying to eat lentils.

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This list, with the exception of lethargy/drowsiness, is by no means exhaustive, but we hope it provides insight on some of the more common human maladies. Proper care, treatment, and maintenance will have your human performing at peak efficiency – a properly taken care of human takes care of you properly. Also, we had to prove that we’re better get-well kitties than what’s-her-name. With that done, we wish you the best of luck using our tips to keep your own human in tip-top shape!

Purrs & Headbonks,

Snoops and Kommando Kitty

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

12

Gator Family Vacation: A Punk Croc Odessey – Part 2

Alligators spotted at Lake Worth over Memorial Day Weekend | wfaa.com

Where we are – The gators decided to head north for a family vacation on Lake Michigan. Meanwhile, Uncle Stu has been road-tripping with his favorite punk croc band, Acrocalypse. Stu called Granny to have Stan meet him in Detroit. Stan and his family pull up outside a landmark club on Detroit’s west side, The Swamp. You can read Part 1 here.

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Justine: Gee, Dad. This place looks a little scary.

Stan: Don’t worry, girls. It’s just showing its age. This club has been around for years.

Stan walked up and tried to open the door, but it was locked. He walked around back and tried that door.

Stan: That’s odd. I know Stu said The Swamp.

Adele: Knowing Stu, he got the right club in the wrong city. Try calling him.

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Stan dialed the number and it rang. No answer and the mailbox was full. Stan let out a low growl. He called his mother.

Stan: Hi, Mom. Have you heard from Uncle Stu? I’m at the club, and there’s no one around.

Granny: Didn’t you get his message?

Stan: What message?

Granny: The band went out last night, and the bus broke down. They need you to pick them up in Flint.

Stan: Flint! We just drove through Flint. Why didn’t he call me?

Granny: I don’t know, dear. But they need to be back in Detroit in time for tonight’s show, so you better hurry.

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Stan was growling loudly by now. He turned the car around, and they drove an hour back to Flint. It wasn’t hard to find the Acrocalype bus. There weren’t many black-and-purple VW buses roaming the streets. 

Stan: Uncle Stu! We finally found you!

Stu: Stan! You made it! I was getting worried about you. Adele! It’s so nice to see you. Beautiful as ever. And the girls growing more gorgeous daily. C’mon. Let me introduce you to the guys!

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Stu introduced them to three rather small crocodiles. 

Stu: This is Billy Joe, Iggy, and Mick. Better known as Acrocalypse.

Stan: Pleased to meet you.

Billy Joe: The pleasure is ours. We appear to be stranded.

Stan: What happened?

Stu: We decided to see a band up here on our night off. When we got up this morning, the van wouldn’t start. I need you to take a look at it.

Stan: Me? I’m not a mechanic. You had me drive all the way down here to look at your van?

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Stu: Don’t be silly. I invited you to the club. But first we have to get to the club. So I need you to get the van moving. (Whispers) These are nice guys, but they don’t know the first thing about anything practical.

Stan rolled his eyes. He could hear Justine and Suzy giggling. Adele was trying not to smile. Stan opened the hood and told Stu to try to start the engine. He listened for a minute.

Stan: When was the last time you put gas in this thing?

Stu: Um. Probably about three days ago. It usually lasts about a week while we’re on a gig. We should still have a couple days worth of gas left.

Stan: How far do you usually drive?

Stu: Just around the city.

Stan: You’re not in the city. You’re in Flint.

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Stu: Oh yeah. I shoulda got gas.

Iggy: Man, Stu, you really shoulda got gas.

Stu: Okay. Let’s get gas and get back. We gotta get Stan ready for the show.

Stan: What do you mean, get me ready for the show?

Mick: You’re our bass guy for the next few nights. Iggy’s got a bad paw.

Stan: I’m not a bass player.

Billie Joe: Stu said you can play.

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Stan: I’m an accountant.

Iggy: Stu, you said he could play. You said he could play our stuff.

Stu: He can play your stuff. He was in a band called Blind Justice. They were very popular locally.

Stan: That was years ago. And we weren’t punkers. We were rockers.

Stu: You were good.

Justine: You were in a band, Dad?

Stan: It was a long time ago. When I was in college and just after.

Adele: You still play once in a while.

Stan: Not professionally.

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Suzy: Dad, you have to try.

Stu drove with the gators back to Detroit. By the time they arrived, Stan had agreed to try playing with Billie Joe and Mick.

Mick: Okay. Let’s start with “I Wanna Eat Your Dog.”

Stan joined in after a few notes and kept up with the band. Stu was nodding his head and keeping time. They moved through a few more of the old hits: “I Wanna Be Your Frog,” “Eat on the Brat,” and “Cairo Calling.” Stan was having a great time. The girls weren’t sure whether they were impressed or appalled.

Suzy: Dad, you’re actually pretty good.

Justine: I’m impressed. I have to post this on my GatorGram.

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The band mates huddled together, whispering. Stu looked at them nervously. Finally, Mick motioned him over, and they whispered some more. 

Iggy: The doc says I can’t play for about a week. Think you can cover the gig?

Stan: I don’t know. I’m supposed to be back at work.

Stu: Call them. Tell them it’s a family emergency.

Adele: Go ahead, honey. How many chances like this will you get?

And Stan got to live out the fantasy of many middle-aged former rockers.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images.