10

Who’s Our New Neighbor?

Image result for rich cat

Everyone was excited in Calico Corners, an exclusive subdivision of mainly executives in the food industry. It sounded like they finally had a buyer for the Foster property. It had been empty since Suzy Moggy-Foster had been reassigned to the research facility in Paraguay.

It was unusual for the house to still be on the market since it was an extremely desirable location, and houses often sold before they could be listed on the market. Many cats wondered if it had something to do with Suzy’s rather odd hobby of breeding and selling muskrats.

Image result for muskrat

Suzy’s replacement was an outsider who really didn’t understand the business. Luckily, he and the company decided it wasn’t working out before he had bought a house. They had no idea who would hire a Rottweiler to be lead taste tester over a team of cats.

It had been four months and the neighbors were really hoping someone would buy it. It was annoying to have those real estate people in the neighborhood. And some of their client cats tromped through the gardens as if they owned the place. Those cats would never fit in at Calico Corners.

Image result for cat and gardens

Now it looked like it had been sold to someone. Cielle Calico, heiress to the family who had started the company, told the head of the private school, Tracie Tuxie, to expect some new students. Cielle wasn’t sure how many, but probably 10-12.

The cats were appalled. What type of cat family had that many kittens? Didn’t they know it was bad manners to have more than one litter with all the overpopulation issues? In fact, some couples were choosing not to have kittens at all.

Image result for tabby cat

At the homeowners’ association meeting, the cats wanted answers.

Tammy Tabby: Is it true that you finally sold the Foster house?

Cielle: Yes, we did. And they’re lovely animals.

Sammy Shorthair: What do they do?

Image result for cats and construction

Cielle: The tom owns a construction business and he’s opening a branch here.

Frankie Forest: What breed of cat are they?

Cielle: I’m not really sure. I’m working with a broker.

Frankie: Well, where are they coming from?

Image result for african cats

Cielle: Somewhere in Africa.

Tammy: Wow. That’s a long way. It will be exciting to have such interesting neighbors.

Sammy: I can guarantee that they’ll have short fur like me. When are they moving in.?

Cielle: As soon as we have their property ready.

Image result for cats new house move

Tammy: What are you doing to it?

Cielle hesitated.

Cielle: We’re taking out all of the grass and bringing in extra dirt.

Image result for cats in dirt

Frankie: What? We don’t want that in our neighborhood. Do you have any idea what that’s going to look like? It’ll ruin the appeal of the entire subdivision.

Morrie Manx: That’s for sure. Exactly what type of cats are these?

Image result for curious cat meme

Next week: The new neighbors move in.

 Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

17

Cat Forum: New Year’s Resolutions

Image result for cat happy new year

Greetings fellow felines and assorted others. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. The is our first opportunity to tell you about our New Year’s resolutions. We decided to make joint resolutions this year. So, here they are:

Related image

We resolve not to fight so much.

Kommando: You mean you won’t lick my neck only to chomp on it?

Snoops: I have to make sure it’s clean. And it’s not like I can actually get to the skin through all that thick fur. Besides, I think it’s more directed at you hiding out and then attacking me.

Kommando: I do not hide out.

Image result for cat pouncing

Snoops: What do you call running in from another room or behind a box?

Kommando: Strategic placement of my body.

Snoops: Grrr.

Image result for cat fighting over food meme

We resolve not to eat each other’s food.

Kommando: Yeah. No more snarfing my canned food.

Snoops: I do not snarf your food.

Kommando: I’ve seen you do it.

Snoops: I don’t touch your food until you’ve left the room. Besides you do the same thing.

Image result for cat fighting over food meme

Kommando: I still think you get more than your share.

Snoops: What about you? I wait at the kibble dish or the water fountain while someone fills it, and as soon as you hear the sound of them being refilled you run in and push me out of the way.

Kommando: I’m just trying to protect you from being poisoned. You should thank me.

Snoops: Thank you? Mom is not going to poison us. You’re just being rude.

Image result for cats cuddling people

We resolve not to fight over Mom.

Snoops: Meaning that you will not step on me or push me out of the way to get next to Mom.

Kommando: She’s MY human.

Snoops: She belongs to both of us.

Image result for cats fighting meme

Kommando: Nope. Don’t you remember? Your humans were Dad and the blond girl. My humans were Mom and blondie’s brother. It was all Kommando, all the time for Mom. You can’t blame me because you ran out of humans and mine are both still here.

Snoops: That’s just mean. Mom said that she’s the primary human for both of us.

Kommando: It doesn’t mean that I don’t get first cuddles.

Image result for two cats with people meme

Snoops: Lucky Mom goes out of her way to make sure I get enough pets and cuddles.

Kommando: Grrr.

Snoops: Was there anything else?

Kommando: No. I think apart from those things, we’re pretty much perfect.

Snoops: I agree. Let’s take a nap.

Kommando: Sounds good to me.

All pictures (except us) courtesy of Google Images

14

Ellie Alligator, Exchange Student

Image result for alligator at school"

Swampland High School in the Everglades has started a student exchange program with Great Lakes Academy on the western shore of Lake Michigan. The program is 6 months long – July – December. Below are selected entries on the school’s blog. 

July 1 – Hey Fellow Swampies, It’s me, the Elinator. That’s right, it’s Ellie N. Alligator with her first report from sunny Michigan. I’m so glad you elected me as the first exchange student in our new program. The flight up here was a little scary. Can you believe they were going to make me fly cargo because some family of sheep felt threatened? Like I was a savage or something. I had to sit way at the back, but at least I was inside.

Anyway, I’m staying with the Stones. They’re really nice, but they’re Turtles! I knew there weren’t any alligator families up here, but I didn’t know there really aren’t many big reptiles at all. A few iguanas but that’s about it. These turtles aren’t big enough to eat the kind of food I eat. Mrs. Stone said we’d figure something out. Gotta go. They’re going to show me around Manistee.

Image result for alligator basking"

 July 15 – Michigan is so weird! Remember how we decided that this would be a good place to exchange students with because it’s hot and humid part of the year? They think 85 degrees is hot. I mean, it’s pleasant but what’s going to happen when it cools down? And the big lake that we all thought would be fun. Flash – it’s cold water! And it has a cool breeze coming off it. that kind of ruins the hot and humid. It’s really nice basking in the sun, but this is not what I expected.

Image result for big black bear"

August 8 – I just found out about my classmates when school starts. The place is full of mammals. I mean the biggest collection of furry creatures I’ve ever seen. There are beavers, skunks, lynx, and even a couple of bears. Bears around here are big! If the bears are regular students, no one better tell me I’m scary. We toured the school. It’s all inside, can you believe it? They said it was because the weather gets cool and wet. And then it snows. How am I supposed to store up energy? Apparently that’s not a problem for furry animals. I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this.

Image result for alligator running"

September 12 – I am not having fun on this trip. The other animals are really nice to me, but I miss all of you. No one speaks Gator up here, so I’m always trying to find the right thing to say. And the teachers won’t give me enough time to get from one class to another. They say that I could move faster if I wanted to. I tried to tell them that we only run if we’re chasing food, but they don’t care. Maybe I should pretend they’re some kind of delicacy. Just have to remember it’s a game before I eat them.

Image result for alligator in a sweater"

October 30 – It is cold here. I can barely move most of the time. Both the Stones and the school have bought me heat lamps. I know they’re doing the best they can, but this is no place for alligators. If they turn the heat up high enough for me, everyone else is too warm. I saw something called a sweater in a catalog. They’re made out of wool or fake wool, and you wear them to keep warm. I wonder if they come in alligator sizes?

Image result for alligator in snow"

November 20 – Remember how we all thought it would be fun to see snow? It isn’t. It’s cold and wet and disgusting. And there’s a lot of it. It’s been higher than me since the first time it came down. All of the mammals love it. They can run around and play in it. I sit under my heat lamp and shiver. I want to know who did the research on this place. I am never coming back.

Image result for alligator in swamp"

December 5 – I’m back!! The people in Michigan felt so sorry for me that they let me come home a month early and still earn full credit. I’ve been in the swamp for 3 days and am finally beginning to feel normal again. It is so nice to be able to go out and lay in the sun. I’m surprised my tail didn’t freeze off up there. Gotta go. I still need a lot of sun to get my old energy back.

Advice: Michigan is nice to visit, but two weeks is definitely enough time to do everything that might interest an alligator.

Image result for alligator in lake michigan"

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

6

Cat Forum: The Visitors Respond

Image result for large groups of cats"

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. You may recall that a few weeks ago we had invaders visitors. Mom said that since we had a post to tell the truth complain, they should have the opportunity to give their side of the story. In the interest of fairness, we have agreed.

 Please introduce yourself with your name and one interesting fact about yourself.

I’m Onyx – I’m very quiet and laid back, but love being around my people.

I’m Spaz – I’m the oldest (and according to Mom, the crankiest). Unlike Onyx, I would be happy by myself with one servant.

I’m Angel – I love playing! (And climbing, and running, and eating. Really, I’m easy to please).

I’m Gypsy – I like playing hide and seek. My beautiful muted colors make it really easy to hide.

Did your humans ask if you wanted to come to our house?

Spaz– No, they did not. First Mom and Dad disappeared for three nights (they said something about a wedding), then they show back up, load us into cages and transport us across at least half the state. It was really disturbing.

Image result for presents for cats meme"

Did they bring back presents to make up for leaving you?

Onyx– although they brought back gifts for other humans, the only cat approved item brought for us was a large paper bag- and you will not believe the challenges I’ve faced, keeping the other cats (especially Angel) out of it.

Did you like staying at our house?

Gypsy– it was a lot roomier, which was nice. And the quality (and quantity) of both sofas, chairs and cat trees were much nicer. We would definitely approve if Mom and Dad were to move all of us in.

We heard Mom tried to starve you.* Have you recovered?

Angel– Barely. Since we’ve stayed, I’ve started fighting to make sure I get the most food- and that I’m fed first. After all, what if next time we get nothing? I’ve also started stockpiling extra food- although Onyx and Spaz don’t seem to want to share their rations for the cost.

What do you think of our Mom (excluding the whole starving thing)?

Gypsy– She was really nice, and seemed to have more attention to give us. She wasn’t distracted by “video games” like Dad or “working double shifts” like Mom.

Do you want to come back or was once enough?

Onyx– Although we appreciate the hospitality, once was definitely enough. The travel to and from is traumatic enough, and we missed our familiar smells and sun spots.

Sorry we weren’t allowed downstairs. Did you want to meet us or were you happier with just the four of you?

Spaz-I waz okay without you. I guess it would have been tolerable to meet you, although I am of the opinion that each kitty should be a single kitty, with individualized attention. Don’t take it personally though- I am still trying to convince Dad to get rid of the other cats (Mom keeps saying no).

Image result for cat in cat tree meme"

Do you miss anything about being here?

Angel– yes, as a matter of fact. The extra space, the additional cat trees, all of the toys, the abundance of sun and nap spots… The 24/7 access to kibble was nice as well (we’re supposed to have that at home, but Mom and Dad are really bad about remembering to refill the dish when it runs empty).

Do you want to say anything else?

Onyx– if your humans say they’ll be home soon, don’t believe them. Humans are really bad at measuring time. Also, if the carrier comes out, run.

Image result for cat waiting meme"

Spaz– bring extra food, and bulk up before all road trips.

Angel– appreciate the little things in life. Our humans aren’t cool enough to have multiple cat trees.

Gypsy– thank you for having us. We appurciate it furry much.

Image result for hungry cat meme"

*While they were here, they got a half can of wet food and all the kibble they wanted. At home they each get a full can. They are sleek and definitely are not being overfed at home.

Memes courtesy of Google Images

 

 

Gallery
17

Cat Forum: 2019 Christmas Wish List

Image result for christmas cat"

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here. It’s that time of year again. You need to get your list of gift requests to your human before you get another ugly Christmas sweater “because you look so cute in sweaters.” We may look cute in sweaters, but it’s the equivalent of you getting your human ugly Christmas socks every year. Boring. So, once again, we have some suggestions you can put next to your human’s morning coffee. We can guarantee it will get a better response than the mouse you left the last time.

We have included links for your convenience.

Crown Bed Micro Plush Pink  – $62

Get the bed that reflects the princess that you really are. It’s soft and comfy. Just what you need after a long day lounging in the sun and running after your favorite toy. It looks good anywhere, so it can go in your favorite spot.

Cat Condo – $133

On2Pets Cat Condo Furniture

If you’re like us, nothing beats climbing into a nice safe spot where we can relax in peace. This cat condo will be perfect for all you indoor cats who don’t get a chance to climb the real thing. If you look closely, you will be able to see the tuxie in the middle of the tree. Perfect camouflage or what?

Perch Cat Tree – $76.06

Are you looking for the perfect piece of furniture for both scratching and sleeping? Let us introduce you to this rattan beauty. A pole to scratch, a carpet to scratch, a toy to play with, and a big comfy bed. There’s also a perch at the top for a better view of your domain. We think any cat would be happy with this gift.

Luxury Pet Stroller – $218.86

HPZ Pet Rover Prime 3-in-1 Luxury Dog/Cat/Pet Stroller (Travel Carrier +Car Seat +Stroller) with Detach Carrier/Pump-Free Rubber Tires/Aluminum Frame/Reversible Handle for Medium & Small Pets

Are you an indoor cat dying to see the world, but wouldn’t wear a leash if your life depended on it. We have the perfect solution. Your human can wheel you around in style. It’s good looking, with plenty of room to carry your favorite snacks and toys. It comes with rubber wheels and great suspension, so you won’t have to worry about your human thumping you around as you survey life in the neighborhood.

Tunnel Bed – $37.99

Kitty City Large Cat Tunnel Bed, Cat Bed, Pop Up Bed, Cat Toys, Christmas Tree

What we like about this item is the plush tunnel topped by the plush bed. If you get too tired playing, you can just jump on top and take a quick cat nap. We think it’s perfect for a multi-cat household. As you can see, the top level is a great ambush spot for jumping on brothers and sisters.

We hope you have found something interesting in these suggestions, or at least they’ve given you something to think about. Please alert your human to the fact that these gifts are much less expensive than they ones we usually show.

Happy Shopping!

10

Halber Home for Traumatized Turkeys – Part 2

Image result for 3 pigs

Where we are: Three pigs have come to Halber Home looking for refuge from being made into hams. Mrs. Thomas, the administrator, has called a meeting with several other turkeys to see what they think. You can access part 1 from the Recent Posts at the right.

Mrs. Thomas asked Suzy and Larry, counselors at the home. She also invited two of the long-term residents, Charlie and Howard.

Image result for turkeys talking

Mrs. Thomas: Thank you all for coming. We have a situation I need your help with. A little while ago, three pigs showed up who need sanctuary. They are in danger from their human.

Howard: Why can’t they stay with their own kind? We don’t have any pigs here.

Mrs. Thomas: There aren’t any pig facilities around here.

Suzy: How long would they be here? This isn’t a permanent arrangement, is it?

Mrs. Thomas: Oh, no. They will be moving south in less than a week.

Image result for pigs and turkeys together

Howard: Why can’t they stay where they were? No one eats fresh pig on Thanksgiving.

Mrs. Thomas: They’re going to be turned into hams for Easter.

Suzy: That’s awful. We should find some way to help them.

Larry: We definitely can’t just send them back out on the road.

Image result for pigs on the road

Charlie: I’d feel like I killed them myself.

Howard starts to get agitated. He knows that they should help the pigs, but he’s terrified of strangers.

Howard: That’s ridiculous. We all found our way here.

Mrs. Thomas: That’s my point. They found their way here too.

Larry: And our sign does say that everyone is welcome.

Image result for welcome turkey sign

Howard: It’s written in Turkey. That should tell them who’s welcome here.

Larry: Howard, please calm down. You know we want to keep everyone safe and comfortable. That’s why we’re meeting. Mrs. Thomas wants your input.

Charlie: Please don’t be mean, Howard. We all needed help when we got here.

Howard: But we’re all turkeys!

Suzy: Howard, are you afraid of the pigs?

Image result for frightened turkey meme

Howard: They might eat me.

Mrs. Thomas: We won’t let them eat you.

Howard: What if they chase me down? They eat anything.

Larry (trying not to laugh): Do you know what pigs look like? They’d never catch you .

Howard: Are you sure?

Larry: Trust me.

Image result for turkey sleeping

Howard: What if they come after me while I’m sleeping?

The others realized that Howard was not going to feel safe with the pigs around. Everyone was quiet for a few minutes.

Charlie: I’ve got an idea. Do you remember that big yard we had for turkeys who were too traumatized to be with the general public when they first got here?

Mrs. Thomas: You mean the one we put up before we had counselors on-site?

Image result for turkey roost

Charlie: Yes. Is it still there? Could we use it?

Howard: I’m not going to be locked away because of some stupid pigs.

Charlie: Not for us. For them. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about them roaming around at night with hatchets.

Suzy: That’s a great idea! What do you think, Mrs. Thomas?

Mrs. Thomas: Yes. I think that would work. We don’t use it for anything else. What do you think, Howard?

Howard: I guess that would be OK. They’re only staying a few days, right?

Image result for 3 pigs

Mrs. Thomas: Yes. They are just waiting to hear from the woman’s family.

Howard: OK. They can stay if they don’t leave the pen until they’re ready to go.

The rest of the turkeys were relieved. They did not want to put the pigs in danger.

Mrs. Thomas went to the pigs and explained what had happened. They were thrilled with the outcome. They were used to being fenced in, and they would be safe.

Junior: That’s wonderful! Please thank the other turkeys for us.

Penny: Yes. We don’t know what we would have done without all of you.

The pigs stayed for four days before they got the directions South. When they arrived, they sent a letter telling the turkeys that they were safe and thanked them one more time.

Image result for frightened pig meme

 

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

7

The Animal Rights Coalition – Part 4

Image result for animals as attorneys meme

Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) has been working to stop humans from using their names as insults. They have had no luck with submitting a petition or trying to meet with the members of the Human Council. Gregg Bear and Ivan Tiger decide that it is time to consult with a lawyer. (Links to the previous sections are found at the right)

Gregg and Ivan are waiting in the offices of Sharkfin and Sharkfin to meet with the attorney. A well-groomed Siamese cat approached them.

Siamese: Hello, I’m Greta. I’ve been assigned your case.

Image result for confused bear

Gregg and Ivan looked at each other. Was this some kind of joke? This cat was not going to intimidate a bunch of humans. What was she going to do? Purr loud?

Ivan: Meaning no disrespect….

Greta: You want to know why I’m not a shark, right?

Gregg: Actually, yes. We’ve been trying to get a bunch of humans to listen to us and we wanted someone to get their attention.

Greta: Actually, that’s why they sent me. If you two aren’t going to intimidate them, we certainly won’t.

Image result for tiger with human

Ivan: What do we do?

Greta: First, you have to know what is going to get their attention. What can you do that they can’t ignore? When do you interact with the humans?

Ivan: We see them at the stores and at work. But that’s just the regular humans.

Greta: OK. But they’re all just regular humans.

Image result for animal business meme

Ivan: Some of them are more important. They own things and tell other people what to do.

Gregg: We want to get their attention.

Greta: Then you need to make them understand that their insults are having an impact on their business. You need to tell people to stop using their products until the humans stop insulting you.

Gregg and Ivan left, confused. They had wanted to hire someone to sue the humans. This cat wanted them to educate the humans. They called another ARC meeting.

Image result for animal meeting

Gregg: We met with a lawyer. She said that we need to get the humans to see that we’re important to their business before they’ll listen to us.

Cecile Ferret: I guess that makes sense. They’ve thought they’re better and smarter than us forever.

Joe Iguana: They take us for granted.

Ivan: That’s what the lawyer said.

Ralph: OK. What do we do?

Image result for clean dog

The animals talked about which businesses they might be able to influence. They decided that they would only do one at first to see if anything happened. The first business they targeted was Adderson’s Shoe Supplies. They posted this message outside shoe stores:

“Please buy a brand other than Adderson’s. Their advertising calls tired, stinky feet “dogs”. We want them to find a different way to sell their product. Thank you. ARC

The signs didn’t work. People still bought the shoes.

Gregg: I don’t think this is a very good idea.

Image result for animal picnic meme

Joe: I don’t know why we chose shoes. We don’t wear shoes. We should have done food. Food is always good.

Cecile: Did you hear? We made the news!

“Tonight’s local take is the boycott ARC is trying to start against Adderson’s Shoes for slander. It seems the animals are finally tired of being insulted. Good luck!”

Image result for luck animal

Ivan: Great. We’ll need it.

Cecile: It gets better. Look at this:

Animal call for end to insults spreads. Several areas have picked up on the ARC animals’ quest to end animal name insults. Protest is gaining momentum.

Three months later: Due to grass-roots pressure from their customers, humans included, the Human Council began the process to identify and eliminate institutional animal insults.

Image result for happy animals

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.