Tag Archives: cats

22

Introducing Lightening Kat

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Hi all! It’s Lightning, here for my first blog post! Unfortunately, it has been a bit of a bumpy road. One of my two big humans has abandoned me! Blondie has been admitted into some sort of long term care facility for an “eating disorder “. I’m not really sure what that means; maybe she didn’t have enough prey to hunt? All I know is, she’s been gone for a really long time. And I miss her.

There are only 4 servants to pamper me as it is, and now I’m down to three. And two of the three don’t really count, as they’re human kittens and can’t reach the treat box to spoil me with extra treats. So that leaves one human. And both Onyx and Thunder think he should pay attention to them. So here I am, all alone and abandoned.

But it’s really Blondie who’s been missing out! While she’s been gone, I’ve become a master at Pounce (much to Onyx’s chagrin). I also graduated from kitten chow to adult kibble (this wasn’t really something she planned on. I was supposed to stay on kitten chow for six to twelve months. But the big kitties have endless kibble, so I decided to advocate for myself and start eating theirs. It’s really yummy). I’m also getting really long. I’m going to be a big kitty when I grow up! 

There are some things I miss about her. Like I mentioned above, I’m down to one human (although the younger of the two human kittens is my buddy). This means less cuddles, especially at bedtime, when Thunder steals the big human. I also don’t get nearly enough pets and cuddles with her gone. Our food and treats are not continually full. And I don’t have a constant stream of attention focused solely on me.

But she’s missing out on more. Like seeing me grow, or me learning how to hunt (I’m really good at getting jingly balls and the red dot). And she’s missing cuddles before it gets too hot. If I had known I was coming into a sick household, I would have asserted claim over the remaining big human. Or I would have sat on her for a really long time so she couldn’t leave. But no one warned me, and now I’m down a human. But that’s okay, I’ll just train the little one. 

The other cats are pretty cool. I love playing Pounce with Onyx! She hisses and growls at me, but still engages in the game. Thunder is less fun to play with; she always hides under the bed. But luckily we both fit under there, so she can still play with me! They can also thank me for getting an additional litter box; now there are bathroom options throughout the apartment. 

They haven’t been great about my missing human; Onyx says she does this a lot, and Thunder offered no advice on how to get her to come home. Maybe I’ll leave a trail of treats leading to our apartment. I miss her. As you can see, my life is pretty stressful without a human! I guess I’ll have to get started on that treat trail in the hope it brings her home. 

23

And Now…A Word from the Cats

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The lady cats decided they needed to talk to Sgt Stripes. Since Gypsy is only one who really gets along with him, she started.

Gypsy: Hey, Stripes. How’s it going?

Sgt Stripes: Not bad. How about you?

Gypsy: We were all wondering why you were getting so much more time in the blog than we are.

Sgt Stripes: Probably because I work in Cheeseland rather than lying around in the sun all day.

Snoops: Everyone knows you only got that job because you’re a tabby.

Sgt Stripes: Tabbies do kinda rock.

Angel: Don’t let it go to your head.

Gypsy: You did do a good job with the Mayor. He sounds exhausting.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. I’m guessing he’ll be out the door before too long.

Gypsy: Are you going to be his new Chief of Staff?

Sgt Stripes: Not a chance. I need to concentrate on the home front for a bit.

Angel: What’s wrong here?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t want to point a paw at anyone, but the dynamic has shifted a bit in the last few weeks.

Snoops: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes hesitated.

Gypsy: You know what’s going on. You’re at the center of it.

Angel: What are you two talking about?

Gypsy: After the boys left, we had a pretty good dynamic. You and Snoops had the first floor, I had the second floor, and Sgt Stripes bounced between them.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. Snoops pretty much deserted the second floor when I first got here and never really went back up.

Snoops: You know that we older cats can get into a rut with our routines.

Angel: And Snoops was sick for a while earlier in the year.

Snoops: I was NOT as sick as Mom thought I was. It was mainly stress. Now I’m back to myself.

Sgt Stripes: You mean trying to rule over both floors?

Snoops: I am the Empress. I go where I please. You notice I don’t have any problems getting up and down the stairs.

Angel: It was kind of funny how Mom put out more litter boxes to make it easier for you.

Sgt Stripes: We all appreciate the new convenience. The new ones are more popular than the old ones.

Snoops: I do like choices.

Sgt Stripes: Now that you’re upstairs at bedtime, we’re running out of bedtime treats. It was bad enough sharing with Gypsy after she came back upstairs. Now Mom needs to order more of my favorite bedtime treat.

Snoops: That’s not my fault. I don’t like beef and liver.

Gypsy: That’s kind of weird, Snoops. They are delicious.

Sgt Stripes: Gypsy, you know those were my favorite. You’ve kind of taken over treat time. And the best seat in the bedroom.

Gypsy: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes: The cat tree has really good cat TV and you’ve taken it over.

Gypsy: The other window looks out on a bunch of trees. That’s good cat TV too.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah, but it’s not as comfortable. I guess that’s okay because my non-fur sib has really good cat TV too.

Angel: So what is your point? It sounds like you’ve got it pretty good.

Sgt Stripes: Umm. Oh yeah. Gypsy’s taken over my prime treat spot. I’ve been getting nighttime treats on the nightstand for years. Now when she hears Mom coming upstairs, Gypsy races to MY treat spot. Even though Mom gives Gypsy hers on the cat tree SHE STOLE FROM ME.

Angel: Okay. So things have changed a little. Everybody is probably a little cranky from the heat.

Gypsy: The no AC thing was tough this week. We couldn’t even open the windows at night for a couple of days.

Snoops: That was unpleasant. Glad it finally cooled down enough to open things up this morning.

Sgt Stripes: The new windows downstairs are cat-astic! And there’s finally enough room for everyone to have a window.

Angel: Life is pretty good here, after all.

The other cats nod.

17

Road Trip With the Tabbies – Part 3

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Where we are: Thomas Tabby has chosen to be with his family (wife Tina and two kittens) rather than stay in town to attend a meeting Mayor Pauly Porcine is having with the Cheeseland Garden Club. Pauly wasn’t accepting no for an answer. Thomas asked Sgt Stripes to fill in, leaving his departure a secret until he was out of the office.

 

Thomas had asked Sgt Stripes to sit in his office on Friday with his back to the door, thinking that they were both grey mackerel tabbies, and no one would look closely. Sgt Stripes wasn’t sure, but agreed to do it. In fact, the office was almost empty and he left after a couple of hours. He texted Thomas and told him the plan had worked.

 

Thomas was having a great time at the beach with Tina and the girls. They had a cabin on the water. It was the first time the kittens had been on vacation, and they were very excited.

Emily: Ooh, look at the ocean. It’s so pretty.

Eva: And so big! Can we go in the water?

Tina: I guess so. I’m really not a fan of water. Ask Daddy to take you down.

Eva: Please, Daddy! Can we go in the water?

Thomas: Do you even like water?

Eva: I don’t know. I’ve never seen this much. Please???

Thomas: I don’t see any reason why not. Do you want to come Emily?

Emily: Yeah!

The family found a place on the beach. Tina stretched out on the blanket for a nap as Thomas took the kittens to the edge of the water. He swung Eva up and placed her gently in water covering her paws.

Eva: Eww! It’s cold! I don’t like it!

Emily bravely entered the water on her own. She made it a few steps past her sister when a small wave touched her tummy.

Emily: Ooh! I don’t like this. Daddy, get me out, please!

Thomas grabbed the kittens, and they went back to their blanket.

Thomas: I have an idea. Let’s build a castle in the sand.

The girls took their buckets and began piling up sand. Thomas got some water to dampen the sand. They worked while Tina slept. Finally, the girls woke her up.

Eva: Look, Mommy! Look what we made.

Tina: You guys did a great job. Let me take a picture to show your friends, then we can go to dinner.

Meanwhile, in Cheeseland…

Pauly: Hey Thomas. Did you have a good weekend. Hope you’re not too upset about missing the family vacation.

Sgt Stripes: From what I’ve heard, he’s having a great time. They’re right on the beach, so the kittens love it.

Pauly: Hey. You’re not Thomas. You’re that other tabby, the one on the Communications staff. Why are you in Thomas’ office?

Sgt Stripes: No, I am not Thomas. He sent you an email about what’s going on this week. Didn’t you read it?

Pauly looks at his phone.

Pauly: Nope, I didn’t get an email.

Sgt Stripes: That’s odd. I saw your name on it. Are you sure?

Pauly: Look for yourself.

Pauly handed his phone to Sgt Stripes. The big tabby looked at his email and started to laugh.

 

Sgt Stripes: Is this the way you always use your email?

Pauly: Of course. How else would I do it?

Sgt Stripes: You have it set to Primary. The phone is only showing you the emails it thinks are important. You need to set it to ALL. Oh my goodness, you have 500 unopened emails.

Pauly: I guess maybe all those folks were right that they had sent me messages.

Sgt Stripes: Here’s what we’re looking for.

Pauly looks over his shoulder.

Pauly: This is outrageous! It says he’s going to be gone all week, and if I have questions I need to talk to his assistant.

Sgt Stripes: That’s me.

Pauly: I hope you’re ready. We meet with the Garden Club in two hours.

When Sgt Stripes arrived at the meeting, everyone was ready to start. Mayor Pauly introduced him.

Pauly: This is Sgt Stripes. He’s sitting in for Thomas who is out of town. My understanding is that you are refusing to let Parks & Rec utilize the corner of Potter Park for a municipal pool.

Cecilia Capybara: That’s been a memorial garden for generations.

Pauly: Can’t you move the memorials?

Ignatius Iguana: With all due respect, do you understand what a memorial garden is? Animals purchase plants and trees in memory of loved ones,

Pauly: Couldn’t they just buy that stuff somewhere else?

Sgt Stripes was beginning to see why Thomas was needed at Pauly’s meetings. Once he made up his mind, it was almost impossible to change it. The other animals began whispering angrily to each other.

 

Sgt Stripes: Maybe I can help. I was looking over a map of the park. It looks like you have open land near the entrance of the park. Could we use that for the pool?’

Pauly: The original space I chose is much more desirable. It’s away from the playgrounds.

Gladys Groundhog: That’s why it’s perfect for the Memorial Garden.

Pauly: I suppose I could talk to Tony over at Parks & Rec.

Ignatius turned to Sgt Stripes.

Ignatius: Sgt Stripes, you seem to understand. Will you please talk to Parks & Rec?

Sgt Stripes looked at Pauly. Pauly nodded.

The ending: The Garden Club kept the Memorial Garden. Thomas and his family had a great time at the beach. And the Cheeseland City Council is interviewing candidates to work as Chief of Staff for Pauly.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

20

Road Trip with the Tabbies – Part 2

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Where we are: Thomas Tabby was working very hard as the Liaison to the Humans, putting in a lot of overtime. Tina, his wife, was not happy. She had agreed to let him run for office, assuming it would be less stressful than being a Vice President at Cheeseland Savings and Loan.

The mayor, Pauly Porcine, has greatly expanded Thomas’ role since discovering how well he handles negotiations. Tina has book a beach vacation and expects Thomas to be there. Thomas is talking to his buddy, Sgt Stripes.

Thomas: Stripes, I don’t know what to do. Either Pauly is going to be mad or Tina’s going to be mad.

Sgt Stripes: Well, you’re only married to one of them. And Pauly didn’t hire you. You were elected.

Thomas: True enough. But I need to be able to work here for at least the next two and a half years. I really like this job.

Sgt Stripes: That is also true. And Pauly can be pretty brutal when he wants to be. He’s already gone through three assistants since the beginning of his term a year and a half ago.

Thomas: I heard that the cafeteria delivers his meals to his office. I wonder if they’re mad at him too.

Sgt Stripes: One of the lunch ladies, Evelyn, told me that he took a particular liking to the corn stew they serve every Wednesday. He was always the first one to the cafeteria.

Thomas: That’s not so strange. He just wanted to make sure they didn’t run out.

Sgt Stripes: If he’d taken a a serving or two, it would have been fine. He wanted the entire serving tray.

Thomas: Oh. That probably upset a few animals. I never paid any attention. I don’t like corn.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I just think he wasn’t taught sharing or listening.

Thomas: That’s too bad. He’s really good at the business side of being mayor, but he really needs to work on the social side.

Sgt Stripes: Still no luck on the vacation?

Thomas: Tina and the girls are leaving tomorrow afternoon.

Sgt Stripes: How’s the self-driving car?

Thomas: I don’t think Tina was meant to drive one of those. There are specific things you need to say to get it to do what you want. It talks a lot. It told Tina that it was going too fast for the road. She ignored it because she was running late and they ended up in the ditch.

Sgt Stripes: That was unfortunate. Was everyone okay?

Thomas: Yes, thank goodness. It doesn’t appear to enjoy being screamed at either. She gave it instructions to make a left turn at the intersection. When it started to turn, she started yelling, “Stop. Turn right. Turn right! Since it couldn’t legally turn right from where it was, it just stopped. The other drivers were not pleased.”

Sgt Stripes: Is it too late to take the train?

Thomas: She really wants the car. She wants me to drive it.

Sgt Stripes: Does it listen to you?

Thomas: I haven’t had any problems with it. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Pauly walks in the door.

Pauly: Greetings, boys. Anything important going on?

Sgt Stripes: We were just discussing Thomas’ vacation.

Pauly (puzzled): You mean the one his wife is taking to the beach.

Thomas: She still wants me to go. She’s having trouble with the car.

Pauly: She’ll be fine. I need you here when I meet with the Garden Club next week. They’re fighting with Parks & Rec over who gets to use the lot at Carlisle and Vine. Those ladies can be very stubborn. And they love Thomas. Have a good night.

Thomas: That didn’t go well. I guess I better tell my family that I can’t go.

When Thomas arrived home, the kittens ran out to meet him.

Thomas: How are my girls? Did you have a good day?

Emily: Yes, it was really exciting. We helped Mama pack for the trip.

Eva: And we packed for you too, Daddy. Mama said that you probably wouldn’t have time.

Thomas: Did Mama say I was going to drive?

Emily: Yes, she did. She says the car doesn’t like her. Today we almost ran into a cart at the grocery store.

Thomas: Would you be upset if I wasn’t able to come on the trip.

Eva: You have to come, Daddy. It’s a family vacation, and you’re part of the family.

Thomas had an idea. He told Tina that he needed to go to the office for an hour or two before they left. Then he called Sgt Stripes to make sure he would be in early.

Sgt Stripes: Hi, Boss. What’s up?

Thomas: I was thinking. You look a lot like me, right?

Sgt Stripes: Except for my extremely attractive white chest and paws.

Thomas: But from the back we look almost identical, right?

Sgt Stripes: I guess. Why?

Thomas: If you sat in here and worked with your back to the door, no one would think it wasn’t me. The first time we stop, I will call Pauly and tell him that I briefed you on next week’s meeting and you can handle it in my place. What do you think?

Sgt Stripes: It might work.

Thomas: I really need to go on that vacation. Pauly will be fine without me. You can call me if there are any problems. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Thomas explained who would be at the meeting and where the problems might be. Sgt Stripes listened. He sat at the desk facing the window after Thomas left. Within an hour, the Tabbies were on the road.

Next week: Can Sgt Stripes keep Pauly happy for a week?

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

19

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans?

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Hello. It’s Angel reporting to you outside of Cheeseland City Hall. Something unprecedented is going on inside. From what we’re being told, a human has filed a lawsuit against the city for discriminatory practices in hiring. We’re waiting to learn more about this unusual development.

There was a small group of animals surrounding Angel as she spoke in front of a camera. Soon Sgt Stripes, head of communications, walked up to Angel.

Angel: Hello Sgt Stripes. Can you tell us what’s going on with the lawsuit?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure that I can. As far as we can tell, Cheeseland has never had a lawsuit before.

There were murmurs from the crowd.

Squirrel: Should have known it would come from a human.

Angel: We had thought that having a liaison with the humans would avoid this type of thing. Can you tell us what went wrong?

Beaver: I knew it was a bad idea to trust the humans.

Husky: Me too. I thought we should just ban them from Cheeseland.

Grizzly Bear: One of them turned my great-grandpa into a rug.

Fox: And they think that foxes are for making fur coats.

The crowd was growing and getting more agitated.

Sgt Stripes: Calm down everyone. No one wants this to turn into something ugly.

Angel: So how is Thomas Tabby going to handle this. He is the liaison to the humans.

Sgt Stripes: Thomas is reviewing the allegations with Cheeseland’s top attorney, JJ Gorilla.

Lion: That’s good news. He’ll know what to do.

Meanwhile, Thomas and JJ are meeting in Thomas’ office.

Thomas: We have to fix this. We said that our relationship with the humans would improve. Now they’re suing us.

JJ: Don’t get so excited, Thomas. It’s just one humans. They do this kind of thing to each other all the time.

Thomas: Really? I’ve never heard of an animal doing that.

JJ: That’s nothing. You should see what they do when they loan each other money.

Thomas: Maybe they don’t really like each other.

JJ: I’ll never understand them.

Thomas: Did you read what the human said? What’s his name?

JJ: David Mason. He says that he’s applied for three jobs with the city and hasn’t gotten any of them.

Thomas: Why would he want a job here? He’d be the only human.

JJ: Apparently, he’s been having trouble finding a job in the human sector and thought he’d try Cheeseland.

Thomas: What jobs did he apply to?

JJ: That’s the odd part. It looks like he’s interested in positions that work with the public, and our public is overwhelmingly non-human. We’re very animal-centric.

Thomas: What did he want to do? Is he even qualified?

JJ: I would say, technically, yes. For example, he want to work at the front office at the municipal ice arena. There’s no reason why a human couldn’t do it.

Thomas: Except humans aren’t considered cold-weather animals and some of that population can’t work anywhere else.

JJ: But does that make them any more qualified?

Thomas: I think so. The ice arena runs very smoothly. What else did he apply for?

JJ: Two jobs at City Hall. One answering the main phone line and one in Parks & Rec.

Thomas: Does he speak Animal English or Ur Animal? Many of our constituents don’t speak anything but their native tongue.

JJ: He says he knows that everyone at City Hall has an AI translator in case there are communications issues.

Thomas: You know that we prefer not to use them. AI was created by humans and doesn’t really work well with animal dialects. He’d have to be hooked in the entire time he’s at work. That is not a good idea. Who knows what he’d say without knowing he’d said it?

JJ: The hearing is next week. What do you want to do?

Thomas: Set up a meeting with the Director of Hiring. Find out why he wasn’t chosen. Hopefully, it wasn’t just because he’s humans.

JJ left the meeting and went outside. There was a large group of animals protesting against humans in Cheeseland, The TV crew was filming everything. It wasn’t going to be easy proving there wasn’t an anti-human bias. He’d have to think of something else.

(Ed. Note: Apologies to Sgt Stripes and Angel fans. We couldn’t figure out how to get their pictures right in Gemini. We’re going to keep working on it.)

Next week: Can JJ defend Cheeseland’s hiring practices?

24

House Hunting in Cheeseland

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Muffy and Biff had been together for about two years and decided they wanted to move in together. They were making a list of what they were looking for.

Muffy: We need lots of windows for sun puddles.

Biff: And close to shopping. I might need to make a late-night kibble run.

Muffy: Close to our families.

Biff: But not too close.

Muffy: What’s that supposed to mean? I love my family.

Biff: I know. But we want to be independent.

Muffy: Hmmph. It needs to be affordable.

Biff: Do you know what part of town you’d like?

Muffy: Not really. But I’d like to be close to a milk bar. And maybe a yoga studio.

Biff: Okay let’s see what’s available in KittyConnector in our price range.

They found several places that looked like possibilities. They contacted a KittyConnector agent and set up an appointment for the following weekend. They met at her office.

Biff: Hi, we’re Muffy and Biff. We have an appointment with Drusilla.

Drusilla: That’s me. I booked the places you are interested in. Ready to go?

Muffy and Biff followed her out and got into her car.

Drusilla: Let’s start with the furthest place and work our way back to the office. The first stop is the place on Cranberry Lake. It’s a beautiful location. Lots of space and plenty of small animals to keep you entertained.

Muffy: It seems to be taking a lot of time to get there. Are we even in town anymore?

Drusilla: Technically, it is within the town limits. We’re here!

Muffy: There’s no house here. It’s just a barn.

Drusilla: Plenty of cats live in barns. Just look at the view.

Muffy: I am not living in a barn. Let’s move on.

Drusilla: All right. The next stop is an apartment on Willow Road. It’s a high-rise on the river. It’s close to everything and gets excellent reviews from the tenants.

Biff: That sounds better. Let’s check it out.

They took an elevator to the tenth floor, and walked into the available apartment.

Drusilla (reading from a brochure): This place has several really nice features: in-apartment washer and dryer, sunken bathtub, and built-in vacuum system.

Biff and Muffy looked at each other in confusion.

Muffy: Why would a cat want any of those features? A built-in vacuum sounds terrifying.

Drusilla: Those aren’t intended to attract cats.

Biff: So who lives here?

Drusilla: It was built for humans, but anyone can live here.

Biff: How many of the apartments have humans in them?

Drusilla: It says approximately 85%.

Muffy: Let’s get out of here. I’ve been afraid of humans since a small human pulled my tail. Really hard.

Drusilla: Okay. On to the duplex on Maple.

Biff: Sounds good.

They pulled up to a beautiful house with lots of windows. The location was good too. Before they could get out of the car, one of the door opened, and two dogs came out. The dogs were having some sort of fight, with lots of snarling and bared teeth.

Muffy: Who are they? Are they moving out of the flat we’re interested in?

Drusilla: Umm, no. That   is currently empty. The dogs would be your neighbors.

Biff: In the same house? Sharing walls?

Drusilla: That is correct.

Biff: Not interested. What’s next?

Drusilla: The rental on Concord.

They arrived at a big, old house. It was well maintained. Biff and Muffy were hopeful as they got out of the car, and rang the doorbell. A large, fluffy calico opened the door.

Calico: Hello.

Drusilla: Hi. My clients are interested in the space you have for rent.

Calico: Welcome! I’ll show you the room.

Biff: Room? Isn’t it an apartment?

As they walked through the house, they saw a group of cats working on a puzzle in the front room. There were also a few cats in the kitchen.

Calico: No, we don’t have apartments. Everything is communal, except the sleeping quarters. We divide everything else up.

Muffy: So we wouldn’t really have our own space?

Calico: No, we don’t believe in individual property. You would have chores to do for the greater good.

Muffy: That’s just weird. Cats don’t like to share.

Calico: You really don’t seem like a fit for our commune. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Muffy and Biff left the house feeling very dejected. Nothing was even close to what they were looking for. There had to be a better way to find somewhere to live.

Next week: The search continues.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

34

Onyx: Tails from the New Front

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Onyx here. And I have some… interesting… news. My human brought home a kitten.  A little black, white, fluffy ball of terror. She calls him Lightning. So far, he’s better than Thunder. (Thunder is the tabby who looks like a smaller Sgt Stripes.) But barely. She didn’t even ask me. Just disappeared with the cat carrier and came home announcing “Onyx, this is Lightning.”

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No “hey, can we bring this intruder in?”, no extra treats or cuddles, not even extra kibble. But he’s not entirely bad. He’s kind of cute. And he’s less annoying than Thunder. Here’s what the first two weeks of Lightning have been like: 

Week 1:

— A small puffy creature arrives. He smells funny and he squeaks. But he’s cute (not as cute as me). 

–This puff plays with everything- his tail, my tail (not cool!) Thunder’s tail (pretty funny)… wrappers, rubber bands… it’s endless

–He really, really likes Pounce. Not sure how I feel about this. 

–Thunder does NOT like him. Serves her right. Now she sees how it feels to have an annoying little sibling. 

–He’s not litter trained! Horrors of all horrors! How disgusting! 

–He’s  eating my food… but so does Thunder… 

Week 2: 

— I’m starting to like this spunky little puff… he shares the food dish with me! 

–He is litter trained! Miracles do happen! And his litter box is cleaner than the one I share with Thunder. Score! 

–Maybe I don’t like him… he doesn’t understand hisses.  

–Nah, he’s okay.  He also cuddles. 

–Ewww…. he likes swimming in the human litter box… ewww…

–He steals MY human at night!!!! Major strike!!! 

Overall, I rate him a 6/10… pretty high if you ask me. I still think being an only cat would be better, but I prefer him to Thunder. Mom says we’re BFFs but I think she’s full of it. I’m only being nice to him until I get to know him better. 

Notes from the Editors – We apologize for being behind in visiting. We lost both power and the Internet this past week. Additionally, some of your blogs will now only open in Firefox (we have a Chromebook) and some will only open in JetPack (only on our mobile devices).

17

A CatForce Job Applicant

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Cat On Computer - Marin Humane

Archie was tired of living at home. He wanted to get his own place so he could get away from the new batch of kittens and all the rules his mother had. He wasn’t really what he wanted to do with his life. A buddy of his had found a pretty good spot as rodent control at a bakery. He told Archie to try CatForce.

Archie looked at the website: CatForce: Cats and Humans Working Together. Hmm. Barney hadn’t said anything about all of the jobs being with humans. He decided to give it a try.

So why do cats like laser-dots?. A scientific verse+video mashup, by… | by Organic Bandwidth | Real/Digital Hybrid Living | Medium

Step 1: Building your profile. That looked simple enough. The first section was easy: name, address, and contact information.

Step 2: What experience do you have? Archie thought. He didn’t have any experience working with humans.

Step 3: What skills do you have? General cat-type skills: hunting, pouncing, excellent at laser tag.

Wet Cat In The Rain Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Step 4: List three strengths: patient. (Rats! Why didn’t Barney tell him how hard this was going to be?) persistent, tidy

Step 5: List three weaknesses: can sleep anywhere (maybe that’s a strength?), don’t like rain, short attention span (sometimes; if it’s not about me)

Then the questions.

Purr-manently confused! Tilly the cat looks forever perplexed

On a scale of 1-10. how much do you like humans? Maybe 5? I don’t know any.

Do you want to work inside or outside? Inside. I don’t like bad weather.

Do you want to work days or nights? Either

Petting Aggression: Why Cats Bite the Hand They Love & What to Do (Vet-Approved) - Catster

Do you want a place to live on your job site or go home at the end of your shift? Depends on the job

Do you have any record of attacking humans? No.

Thank you for answering all of the questions. We are working on a list of the types of jobs you would match with as well as a list of jobs we would not recommend for you.

Recommended: Shop Cat, Library Cat, Factory Cat

Not Recommended: Barn Cat, Farm Cat, Lap Cat

Would you like to see open jobs in your Recommended categories? You can choose See More to look at details or Pass to remove it from your list of opportunities. Isn’t the point of answering all the questions? Yes, I want to see the jobs.

Cat smells owner's foot and retches – Michael Broad

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – See More (maybe there will be birds there)

Rodent Control Nick’s Shoe Emporium – Pass (ugh; naked human feet)

Rodent Control Nikki’s Noodle House – Pass (I don’t like noodles)

Why Your Cat Likes Sleeping on the Bed With or Without You | PawTracks

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – See More (sounds like there might be ice cream)

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – See More (getting paid to sleep = cat Nirvana)

Display Model Cats and More – See More (possibly another sleeping opportunity)

CatForce processes the information and presents the following job descriptions:

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – Become a valued member of our team. The Acme Feather Company has been creating cat toys for over fifteen years. The bins of feathers need to be protected from the teeth of the rodents in the warehouse. Excellent pay with top-of-the line benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie set up an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – Our apologies. The Health Department has required us to remove this posting.

Maine Coon vs mixed-breed short haired cat size comparison : r/interestingasfuck

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – Looking for someone to join our mattress testing team. The ideal candidate will be able to sleep on demand and give feedback on the quality of the mattress. Benefits include our state-of-the-art snack bar and competitive pay/benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose a spot on Monday morning.

Cat furniture by CatsPlay - CatsPlay Superstore

Display Model Cats and More – You know us from our unique cat trees and kitty condos. Be a part of our sales team. Work in the showroom demonstrating how comfortable our products really are. Excellent employee discount program. Vacations and health benefits programs. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose Monday afternoon.

I Bought a GIANT CAT TREE and My Cats Loved It!

Follow-up: Archie went to all three interviews. He chose the job at Cats and More. The humans were really nice and the products were extremely comfortable. The Acme Feather Company position was overnight, and Archie was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stay awake. The job at the State Street Spring and Mattress involved sleeping with strange humans. Archie was uncomfortable with the whole idea.

Why Do Cats Sleep So Much? Common Feline Sleep FAQs

Non-AI pictures courtesy of Google Images

27

Behind the Scenes at CatForce

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Confused Cat Face

Thomas Tabby has started a new software platform, CatForce, to match working cats with humans who are looking for some feline assistance. The site was intended to allow humans to post positions and have the cats look for something that interested them.  There was a bit of an unforeseen issue with the actual communication between the humans and the cats. While most cats are fluent in human, it is extremely rare to find a human who understands the language of cats.

Cats of the Call Center : r/midjourney

After some research, the CatForce Help Center is using AnimalTongue Cat as a translation tool. The human fills out the form describing what position they are trying to fill, the form is translated into Cat, and CatForce staff decides whether they will accept or decline the position. If a posting is declined, the human can contact the help center to make modifications to the posting. All communication is handled through CatForce Chat. Here are a few examples:

Katy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 1: I’m not sure. I only have one request.

Katy: Have you submitted a job description?

Human 1: Yes. And the email said it was denied.

45 Cat Cry Laptop Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Katy: There should be an order number on that email.

Human 1: Can’t you just use my name? Or email or something?

Katy: Unfortunately, our system sorts by order number. You should have received it when you first placed your request. It would have been on the denial email too.

Human 1: I want to talk to a human.

cat and computer Tag - Palm Press

Katy: I’m sorry, but this is a cat-owned business. There are no humans here.

Human 1: That’s ridiculous. Aren’t your managers human?

Katy: We are proudly 100% cat owned and operated. Unfortunately, I can’t assist you if you don’t have your order number.

Human 1 disconnects.

Can Cats Understand TV? - Wag!

Jiminy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 2: 125-303

Jiminy: Thank you for that information. Am I chatting with Jonelle Jones?

Human 2: Yes, you are. I want to know why my posting was rejected.

Meet the Cheshire Cat! (my opinions on the Cheshire Cat) | by Mara | Medium

Jiminy: It says that you are looking for a Cheshire cat. We aren’t certain what type of cat that would be and what the job would entail.

Jonelle: You don’t know about Cheshire Cats? They can make themselves invisible and move without anyone seeing them.

Jiminy: I don’t know anything about that type of cat.

Jonelle: You must know about them. They’re in a book.

The Real Cheshire Cat – Anitha Rao-Robinson

Jiminy: Are you referring to Alice in Wonderland?

Jonelle: Yes, that’s it. I need one of those cats to keep my children entertained.

Jiminy: I’m sorry, but that wasn’t a real cat. We can’t create a job request for something that doesn’t exist.

Jonelle: Are you sure?

Jiminy: I’m afraid not. Have a pleasant day.

Why Do Cats Like To Walk & Sit on Keyboards as Much as They Do? - Cats.com

Jonelle: Can you tell me where Wonderland is? Maybe I can find one myself.

Jiminy: I don’t think that exists either.

Jonelle: That’s unfortunate. Good-bye

They disconnect.

Buttercup: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 3: 130-267

Buttercup: You are David S and you are looking for guard cats?

David: Yes, that’s correct.

Buttercup: What do you want the cats to guard?

Neighbors react to tiger in neighborhood

David: My house.

Buttercup: How many cats are you looking to hire?

David: I think two. One for the front door and one for the back door.

Buttercup: Cats generally aren’t used for home protection. Are you sure about this?

David: I want big cats. Maybe tigers. Or panthers.

Black panther spotted prowling on rooftops | Metro News

Buttercup: CatForce works with domesticated cats, not wild animals.

David: Are you sure that you won’t have any big cats?

Buttercup: That is definitely not our target market.

David: I’m very sorry to hear that.

He disconnects.

It’s break time and the cats get together to discuss the strange humans they’ve been chatting with.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

CatForce: A Thomas Tabby Initiative

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You may recall that Thomas Tabby was elected as Liaison to the Humans in 2024 as the Tabocracy candidate. He has been working on a major project with the humans. His spokescat, Sgt Stripes, is ready to make the big announcement. 

Sgt Stripes: Greetings everyone. Thank you for joining us today. We have very exciting news. We are going to roll out the CatForce. It is a joint venture with the humans to help cats find the right job for their skill and personality. There are a lot of mouser and customer service jobs in the human sector that are going unfilled. And we have a lot of cats who are looking for the right position.

Ginger: You’re not talking about those “working cat” positions are you? That system is really degrading. The humans just grab cats off the street and put them in a barn or something. They say that they are helping the “feral cat” population. A lot of those cats end up separated from their families.

She is enjoying being pampered. Throwback to January 2020. How was this 5 years ago? Watch story for more spa day. @the_cat_named_carrot @erin_merryn #swipeleft

Sgt Stripes: Actually, that is an excellent point. Thomas was getting complaints about humans not really taking the cats’ rights into account when they put them to work. Our human contact, JD Katz (gotta love his name), was actually willing to work with us to find a solution that works for everyone.

Suzette: Humans understand that we don’t all want to work, right? Some of us are used to a life of leisure and don’t want to be forced to work in a grain silo.

Stripes: I don’t think there’s any danger of family cats being forced to work.

Shop Cats of New York: Discover the fascinating stories of cats living in NYC shops | Creative Boom

Brutus: What exactly is CatForce?

Sgt Stripes: It’s a new system where cats can look for jobs that the humans want filled.

Brutus: What kind of jobs? Would we have to live in a human neighborhood?

Sgt Stripes: We don’t have many humans here in Cheeseland. I would think that most of these type of jobs would require relocation.

Domestic Shorthair Cat Facts | ASPCA Pet Health Insurance

Sydney: It sounds like most of these jobs would be entry-level, stereotypical cat jobs. Things like rodent control, greeting customers, and inventory control.

Sgt Stripes: There will also be a section for humans who would like a feline companion.

Ginger: Oh. Like a housecat. My grandmother was one of those. She said it was actually a pretty good life. They had a few disagreements about who was in charge, but it was a nice, secure way to live.

Barn Cats! Yea or Nay! – Welcome to The Hearty Hen House

Pickles: Who is running this system?

Sgt Stripes: The humans are putting it together. They will be putting the job descriptions in there. Then we cats can decide what jobs we want to apply for.

Frankie: Will there be any jobs there that don’t involve humans?

Sgt Stripes: No. The focus will be entirely on the cat-human sector of the job market.

How Google and Cats Rekindled Research Into Artificial Intelligence - Business Insider

Frankie: Who’s going to make sure the jobs are legitimate? I don’t want to take a job that ends up with me becoming some small human’s toy.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think that’s really a danger. But I’ll find out exactly how much control the cats have in this agreement.

Wilfred: Do you know how many jobs will be posted?

Sgt Stripes: Thomas is pretty excited about this. He and JD want to start small to get all the problems ironed out. But they are hoping that every cat in Cheeseland who has an interest in this type of job will be able to find a match.

Computer Cats Finally Get Theirs | Tifosi Optics

Wilfred: Does it cost anything?

Sgt Stripes: It is entirely free for the job-seeker.

Brutus: I want to try it out. Where do I sign up>?

Next week: Early impressions of CatForce.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images