7

Snoops and Kommando Redecorating

Greetings from Snoops and Kommando Kitty. Yep. Mom let us have the blog again this week. We’re pretty excited. She’s talking about redecorating two of the bedrooms. Dad had a lot of stuff he needed when he was sick that she got rid of, so there’s empty space in her room. Additionally, we have extra room in the library/human sister’s old bedroom.

Redwood

kittymansions.com

Mom thinks she might put a cat tree or something in her room. Maybe a window seat. Wonder if she’d get two? We could get one for the east window and one for the south window. Or two for the south; it’s a double window. We could compare notes. The birds are all on the south side. Do they make double-deck window seats?

Hopefully, she doesn’t think that will keep us from sleeping on her. We should check on that. She wouldn’t be that dumb, would she? She loves sleeping with us. We’d probably have to promise not to jump on her from the tree. That would be fun though.

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She was buying a dress on the computer, so we thought we’d look for some new furniture. Hope she doesn’t mind that we added her to all those mailing lists.

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I wonder if she’d consider moving her furniture to the library. Except the bed. We could have the bed and cat stuff. It would be perfect.

Buckingham Palace

kittymansions.com

Ooooh. The library window is right above the roof for the sun room, and that’s flat. Maybe we can talk her into a penthouse catio. She could do her writing and drawing and stuff in there. We better get back on the computer.

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14

Cat Forum: A Winter Poem

Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We would like to thank all of you for your kind words and prayers over the past week. We were very touched by the number of friends we have made here in blogworld.

Mom still is a little unmotivated creatively, so we wrote you a poem. We hope you like it.

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A Winter Poem

We think that we shall never know

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What lies hidden cross the snow.

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Could it be a bunny there?

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Or its cousin, the snowshoe hare?

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Maybe a woodchuck warm and fat.

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Or might just be the neighbor’s cat.

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We don’t know, but that’s okay.

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Neath warm blankets where we’ll stay.

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

13

Cat Forum: Valentine’s Day

Kommando: Hey Snoops, look. It’s an advertisement for Valentine’s Day.

Snoops: I didn’t know Valentine had his own day.

Kommando: I think they just stole his name. This is all about buying jewelry and stuff. It says you should do it to show her how much you care.

Snoops: I wonder who she is, and why she needs so much stuff. Let’s see if we can find it on the Internet.

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Kommando: Ooh. Good idea. They know everything there.

Snoops: Hmm. It says it’s the feast of St. Valentine. The celebration of love and affection.

Kommando: And getting stuff. It’s another human holiday for getting stuff.

Snoops: It’s supposed to be romantic. A lot of people use it as a day to propose.

Kommando: Well, it can’t be too important, we didn’t know about it.

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Snoops: That’s because it’s for humans.

Kommando: They love us. Why don’t we get gifts?

Snoops: We don’t like chocolate or jewelry.

Kommando: They could give us salmon.

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Snoops: Humans don’t think salmon is romantic.

Kommando: It’s not for them, it’s for us.

Snoops: Wait a minute. This Internet thing says there are Valentine’s gifts for cats.

Kommando: Does it show a salmon?

Snoops: Forget about the salmon. Humans don’t think dead fish are romantic.

Kommando: Humans are weird. So what do they think we’d like?

Snoops: Actually, this first thing is kinda nice.

Kommando: Ooh. A fake sheep bed! I like fake sheep. It’s really warm.

Snoops: Yeah. That says “love” to me.

Kommando: Anything else good?

Snoops: Well, there’s a collar. But it has a bell on it. It would be worthless when I’m mousing.

Kommando: OK. We’ll put that in the “no” column.

Snoops: I like this next one:

Kommando: Purr-fect! A castle. Mom calls us princesses. She might get us that.

Snoops: Maybe. I think it’d really add to the decor around here.

Kommando: Is there anything there that says, “I love you” in human?

Snoops: Well, this bowl looks like something they might think is romantic:

Kommando: That’d be pawsome! Hearts for the human, food for us! I think we need to talk to Mom about this Valentine’s Day thing.

Snoops: Definitely. Anything that reminds her to feed us is good.

Kommando: Yeah. A food dish and some salmon. The perfect Valentine’s Day.

 

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Gift ideas courtesy of https://www.catster.com/lifestyle/valentines-day-10-gifts-for-cats-gift-guide

Photos courtesy of Google Images

 

 

14

Don’t Worry Mama, We’ll Help

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The last time Mama Kitty had been sick in bed, she got up to a complete mess. There were dishes everywhere, food on the counter, toys all over the front room, and mud on all the floors. She just wanted to go back to bed.

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After she had cleaned everything up, Mama Kitty held a family meeting. She said that she understood that the kittens were little, but that if she was sick, everyone had to do something to help out. The kittens nodded solemnly.

Not long after, Mama Kitty caught a bad cold and had to stay in bed. Remembering what she said, the kittens got together to talk.

Muffin: Remember what Mama said? We all have to help. I’m going to make her some catnip tea.

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Thomas: That’s a good idea. You can be in charge of cooking too. I’ll be in charge of muddy footprints.

Princess: I’ll put away toys.

Bubba: And I’ll eat all the leftover food.

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The kittens agreed it was a good plan.

Muffin didn’t know how much catnip to put in the tea, so she guessed. When she was finished, she took it to Mama.

Muffin: Mama, I made you some catnip tea. I thought it would make you feel better.

Mama: That’s sweet, honey.

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She took the cup, and sipped it. She started coughing.

Mama: Sweetie, how much catnip did you put in the tea?

Muffin: I wasn’t sure how much to use, so I filled the teapot halfway.

Mama (trying not to choke): That’s a little too much. Next time, a teaspoon will do. But I love this.

She took a long drink and emptied the cup, hoping Muffin wouldn’t offer any more.

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Mama: Thank you so much. I think I need to sleep now.

Muffin happily left the room with the empty cup.

Mama slept all afternoon, trying to ignore the banging and bumping in the next room. She politely refused the tuna that Muffin brought in later.

Mama stayed in bed for two days and got up the third morning feeling much better after all that sleep.

When she went into the front room, Mama was surprised. It looked a lot cleaner than she had expected. The floor was clean. No toys and no mud.

Mama: You kittens did a wonderful job of keeping the house clean.

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Princess: Thank you, Mama. I didn’t realize we had so many toys. I filled up the toyboxes and had to put the rest in that chest over there.

Mama looked to see her china cabinet overflowing with stuffed mice and bags of catnip. At least they were soft toys.

Mama: Thank you for keeping the front room so clean. I don’t have to worry about tripping on anything.

Thomas: Come into the kitchen and see what I did to keep the mud out.

Mama hesitated. Was she ready to see that mess? But Thomas was waiting, so she followed.

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Thomas: See? I put down towels at the door so we could wipe our feet.

Mama looked down at her best linen towels covered in mud. But there was no mud anywhere else in the house.

Mama: Thomas, that’s a wonderful idea! Thank you.

Mama looked around. The kitchen was fairly clean. There were dishes in the sink, but the counters were clean.

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Mama: The kitchen looks good. I’m proud of you.

Bubba: Thank you, Mama. I ate all the extra food, so it wouldn’t sit out.

Mama looked at Bubba. Despite his name, he was not a large kitten.

Mama: How did you do that, sweetheart? You usually can’t even finish your own food.

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Bubba: I didn’t realize how much food it would be. I took some to share with my friends. We had a party.

Mama Kitty started to laugh. She hadn’t realized how resourceful her kittens were.

Mama: I’m so proud of all of you. You took care of the house for two days and it looks wonderful.

Then they all curled up in front of the fire and cuddled.

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14

Cat Forum: The Purr-Fect Gift

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Greetings Fellow Felines. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. It’s time once again for us to give gift suggestions for the holidays. But unlike last year’s list of gifts for the well-to-do cat, this year we have ideas for you to gift your human. (We know it’s backwards, but we do try to be humorous once in a while.)

Does your human like to work in the garden? Do they come in smelling of dirt (or worse)? Do they complain about you leaving “deposits” among their flowers? Are the tables and counters full of fresh veggies part of the year?

Maybe a gardening companion:

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Or a new plant:

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Does your human like to dress up? Do they leave you alone a lot while they go out?

How about a fancy companion:

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Or some new  clothes:

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Does your human like to do crafts? Knit? Crochet?

Maybe their own living pincushion:

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Or some nice fabric:

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Does your human sleep a lot? When you want to eat? When you want to play?

Maybe a pillow buddy:

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Or some new bedding:

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Haven’t seen anything good?

In that case, we recommend the gift no cat-owned human can resist:

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

13

Humans in Cheeseland

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We recently received an email that we found a little puzzling. The writer was a human who accused us of not paying appropriate attention to people in our writing.

What puzzled us wasn’t the question. Rather it was how they had found us in the first place.

Generally speaking, there are only a few people who would go to a blog that openly proclaims that it is edited by mice. For some reason, there is a prejudice against mice in many parts of the human world.

Additionally, it seems to us that there are enough magazines, blogs, videos, and so on dedicated to humans. There are magazines for potato farmers, croquette players, and lighthouse keepers, and everyone else (it seems).

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However, humans are mammals. In light of our non-speciest pledge, we decided to speak with this person. We sent Lexi, our language specialist.

Lexi: Welcome to Cheeseland. I’m Lexi.

Human: Hello, Lexi. I’m Charles. Thank you for meeting with me. I hope you don’t mind that I brought along someone to document our meeting.

Lexi: I guess not. Why is he wearing protective gear?

Charles: I was hoping to meet someone a little more, um, exotic.

Lexi: Really? Like what?

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Charles: I was thinking a crocodile or hippo.

Lexi: You realize that we’re not in Africa, don’t you?

Charles (embarrassed): I didn’t think I was going to be meeting with an actual animal.

Lexi: Excuse me?

Charles: You know. A non-human. I thought this was a gimmick for some type of animal rights group. You are an actual dog, aren’t you?

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Lexi: Of course I am.

Charles: You wouldn’t mind me touching you just to make sure, would you?

Lexi growls.

Charles: OK. Don’t get excited. Just let me talk to the humans who work here.

Lexi: What are you talking about?

Charles: You know. The people who write the articles.

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Lexi: Have you actually read Cheeseland?

Charles: A little. You don’t expect me to believe that cats and a mongoose and an elephant write articles do you?

Lexi: Why not?

Charles: What do they do? Use their furry little paws to type? And their furry little brains to think?

Lexi growls again.

Charles: OK, OK. Let me see the newsroom. I can decide who to talk to there.

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Lexi: Fine.

They walk down the hall and enter the newsroom. There are a few cats, a couple of dogs, a hedgehog, and a couple of ravens.

Charles: Very funny. A room full of animals making a bunch of noise.

Lexi: This is the newsroom. And these are the reporters. The editors are next door.

Charles: There aren’t any real computers in here.

Lexi: Those are real computers. They have voice recognition technology instead of keyboards. That way we don’t have to use our “furry little paws” to type.

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Charles: Let me talk to one of the reporters. I want that cat over there.

He points to a gentle-looking mixed breed. Lexi talks to her.

Lexi: Dar, this man would like to speak to you. He has the strange idea that we’re all humans dressed up like animals. You’ll have to listen carefully, he has a very thick human accent.

Dar: Hello. My name is Darlene. How may I help you?

Charles: Will you please take me to the humans who are running this place? I don’t understand all the animals running around thinking they’re people, but I’m going to get to the bottom of this.

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Darlene: Why would we think we’re people? We’re happy the way we are.

Charles (frustrated): Just show me any human.

Darlene: We don’t have humans, just other species.

Charles: There has to be a person somewhere.

Lexi: The only human we know is Cat. She pays for the blog.

Charles: I knew it! Take me to her office.

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Lexi: She doesn’t have an office. She doesn’t live in Cheeseland.

Charles: Fine. I’ve had enough. You get all of this, Willy?

Willy: Yep. But people are never going to believe it.

Charles: That’s OK. It’s not fake, so they’ll know there’s something weird out here.

Charles and Willy returned home. They posted the video to YouTube and waited for the response. The only comment they got was “???”. When they looked at the video again, all it showed was Charles talking and a German Shepard barking. Then Charles talking and a cat meowing.

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