Tag Archives: cats

17

Keep Your Paws Off My Hedge – Part 2

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(Ed. Note – Due to a glitch in the Tags last week, the post did not show up in the live feed until late Saturday afternoon last week. It looks like that kept some of you from seeing the post at all. Part 2 will make a lot more sense if you look at Part 1 here before reading this post. We apologize for any inconvenience.)

Where we are: Ian and Janis Hedgehog’s hedge is going to be torn down due to being described as “blighted”. All of the creatures who share the hedge/brush pile are devastated. They are counting on Ian to convince the head of zoning, Chester Allen, that they should be allowed to stay.

Ian and Janis were up early Monday morning.

Janis: How are you going to handle talking to Chester?

Ian: I’ve been looking through the zoning regulations. It appears that “blight” is only mentioned in Part IV of the document. The section on the notice is for IV.3.c. It does say that brush piles are considered blight. But directly below that, IV.3.d says the rule doesn’t apply to properties over 2 acres or owned by native non-humans.

Janis: I don’t know about the size of the property, but it’s owned by foxes who are definitely native.

Ian: Wish me luck. Hopefully, Chester will listen to reason.

Janis: As soon as you tell him why the rule doesn’t apply to us, we’ll be fine.

When he got to work, Ian discussed the situation with a few of his coworkers. He showed the regulations to the group.

Gus Gopher: It looks pretty well defined. You should be okay.

Adam Anteater: You should look up the paperwork the foxes had to file when their bought the property so he doesn’t try to tell you that someone else owns it.

Ian: I hadn’t thought about it. That’s a great idea.

Cate Calico: I had to work with Chester on one of my cases. He’s not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. And he’s kind of stubborn.

Gus: I think all badgers are stubborn. Once they have an idea, it’s hard to move them.

Ian decided that he would start with an email detailing why the ordinance didn’t apply to Commerce Commons.

Chester’s reply was short and to the point. “The ordinance defines brush piles as blight. We are going to remove the brush pile at the end of thirty days.”

Ian: I can’t believe this guy! He didn’t even respond to the part of it being owned by foxes. He just doesn’t like the brush pile.

Cate: I was afraid of that. Someone got to him before you did, and now he hates brush piles. He probably didn’t care one way or the other before that.

Gus: He most likely has brush piles in his neighborhood and never paid any attention until now. What are you going to do?

Ian: I need to talk to him. I’ll call so I can explain our position.

Ian tried to call Chester several times over the next few days. He left messages but got no response. By Friday, he’d had enough. Ian decided to stop by Town Hall on his way to work. He arrived before everyone else and waited. When they opened the door, he told the receptionist Suzy that he was waiting for Chester Allen.

Suzy: Is Mr Allen expecting you?

Ian: Not really. I’ve been trying to talk to him all week.

Suzy: Oh. Are you…

Ian: Yes, I am Ian Hedgehog, and I need to speak with Chester.

Suzy: Mr Allen is very busy. I’m sure he’ll call you back as soon as he has a moment.

Just then a badger and a couple of beavers came in discussing their golf game the previous afternoon. The badge saw Ian waiting. He immediately picked up his pace. Ian followed him to his office.

Ian: Good Morning, Chester. I’m Ian Hedgehog. I need to speak with you, and it seems that you have been ignoring my calls. I thought this might be the only way to catch you.

Chester: I think I was clear. Brush piles are blight and yours has to go.

Ian: What about everyone living there?

Chester: That’s not really my concern. There are plenty of spots nearby.

Ian: Spoken by someone who lives underground. Why is this brush pile so important to you?

Chester: It’s unsightly, and there may be vermin living there.

Ian: Vermin? That’s a human word not an animal word. You’re doing it for the humans, aren’t you? No self-respecting animal would ever use that word.

Chester: It’s a good word. Besides, that’s not the point. The brush pile is prohibited under the regulations.

Ian: We are exempt because it’s animal-owned.

Chester: You’re making those words carry a lot of weight trying to get around the rules.

Ian: Because they’re the law! I’ve been working at JJ Gorilla and Associates for several years. In court, it’s always what’s in writing.

Chester: You work for an attorney?

Ian: Actually, several of them.

Chester: I don’t want to go to court.

Ian: I don’t want to lose my home.

Chester: You’re not going to back down, are you?

Ian: I am not.

Chester: Maybe we can find some common ground.

Ian: What common ground? You want to destroy our homes.

Chester: Maybe you could move to a bigger, nicer brush pile further from the road?

Ian: Where will that come from?

Chester (thinking): Did you see the beavers who came in with me? They run Parks & Rec, and they are really good with building. We can take down the old brush pile and build something even better with it.

Ian (suspicious): Why would you do that?

Chester: I have to tear it down. But we have some interns who can help you rebuild it, bigger and better.

Ian: I guess that would work.

All pictures created by Gemini AI.

18

June and the Bears’ Camping Trip – Part 3

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Where we are: June Longfur went on a camping trip with her best friends, Ilsa and Heather McBear, and their parents. The first evening went well, but when Mummy and Daddy McBear wake up, the girls are gone. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Mummy: Where could they have gone?

Daddy: I’m sure they’re fine. We’ve taught them how to get around in the woods.

Mummy: What if the humans took them?

Daddy: Do you really think humans could take two bear cubs and a kitten without us hearing?

Mummy: I guess not. Where do you think they are?

Daddy is sniffing around the campsite. He straightens up and points into the woods.

Daddy: They went that way into the woods.

Mummy: I wonder why.

They follow the trail for several minutes before Mummy stops.

Mummy: Do you hear that? To the right.

Daddy listens, then starts to run toward the sound with Mummy right behind him. They finally reach June who is crying inconsolably. Mummy picks her up and cuddles her.

Mummy: What happened, sweetie? Are you okay?

June still can’t talk. Daddy comes back with Ilsa and Heather.

Mummy: Why is June so upset?

Ilsa: She had a really bad night.

Heather: We thought she was going to be bird-napped.

Mummy: Bird-napped?

June: It was awful. I was so scared.

Daddy: What happened? Why were you all the way out here?

June started to cry again.

Heather: We didn’t start out here. June said that she needed to use the litter box, so we went a little way from camp. But as soon as she was finished…

Ilsa: A huge owl swooped down and tried to grab her.

Mummy: Poor kitty. That must have been terrifying.

June nodded and snuggled against Mummy.

Daddy: Why didn’t the owl take her?

Ilsa: We heard it swooping in.

Heather: We remembered what you taught us about defending ourselves.

Ilsa: We stood up on our back legs and got as big as we could. As soon as the owl was close enough, we swatted it from both sides.

Heather: That bird didn’t know what hit it. Before he could recover, we grabbed June and hid in the woods.

Daddy: That was quick thinking, girls. Excellent job!

Heather: Thanks, Daddy!

Daddy: Everyone ready to go back to camp?

The girls all nodded. June clung to Mommy as they walked back. Mummy set June down in her fluffy bed.

Mummy: You girls had a rough night. Why don’t you take a nap while Daddy and I catch breakfast?

Ilsa and Heather slept next to June’s bed. Before they knew it, they were smelling grilled fish.

June: That smells wonderful.

Mummy: Thank you! Are you feeling better?

June: I am! That was very scary, but I feel safe now.

Daddy: Do you want to go home?

Ilsa: Why would she want to leave?

Daddy: I thought she might be scared and want to sleep at home tonight.

June: I want to stay, if it’s not too much trouble. Ilsa and Heather were amazing last night. I’ve never seen a bird that big.

Daddy: Of course, you can stay. Just wake us up if you need to go out in the dark. We’ll keep you safe.

June: I promise.

They took a hike in the woods, then spent the rest of the day at the beach.

Heather: Come in the water, June. It’s nice and warm.

June: I don’t really like water. It makes my fur look weird. And I can’t swim.

Ilsa: We could teach you.

June: No thanks. Water’s not really a cat thing.

Heather: That’s too bad. Let’s build a sandcastle.

Mummy and Daddy were having a lot of fun splashing in the lake. When the castle was done, the girls went to rinse off the sand in the lake. June gingerly put her paws in.

June: That’s not so bad.

Ilsa: You’ll dry off fast in the sun. We can help you fluff up, if you’d like.

The last part of the trip passed quickly. Before she knew it, the McBears were dropping June off at home. June couldn’t stop talking about her great time camping with the bears. Ilsa and Heather became the most popular girls in the class.

(Ed Note – We apologize for not getting around to everyone’s posts this week. We are working through them.)

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

15

Interview with Onyx

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(Ed Note – We know you were expecting the ending to June’s camping trip with the bears. Cat is sick; so Onyx agreed to writing this week’s post. Please come back next week for the conclusion of the story.)

Lightning here! Today, I am going to be interviewing Onyx, whose primary human is Blondie. Since renturning home, Blondie has required a lot of therapaw services from Onyx. I’m sitting down and dissecting a day in the life as the primary emotional support kitty.

Lightning: “Hi, Onyx. Thanks for sitting down with me. Why don’t we start with a general day in the life of…”

Onyx: “Hi, Lightning. My days are pretty strenuous. Blondie wakes up between 6 and 7, so I need to be up nice and early to anticipate her needs.”

Lightning: “That is early. Do you at least get a special breakfast treat?”

Onyx: “Nope. The little humans get food, but they’re much whinier than I am. So I get ignored, aside from the occasional pat.”

Lightning: “What happens after breakfast?”

Onyx: “Well, Blondie hasn’t returned to work yet, although she’s doing that Tuesday. But while she was off work, she would usually drop off the little humans at their school, then come home and nap with me. This is my favorite part of the day. Unfortunately, once she’s back at work, I fear my mid-morning naps with Blondie will be cancelled.”

Lightning: “That sounds nice. So is that all you do? Nap support?”

Onyx: “Not at all! We wake up at 12:30 to have lunch. Still no special treat, but at least the little humans aren’t around wrecking havoc everywhere.” 

Lightning: “Naps and meal duty. Sounds like my kind of job! Do you do any sort of work that involves leaving the realm of being a cat?

Onyx: “Of course! At 1:00 we start something called IOP (Intensive Outpatient Therapy). Or sometimes we meet with her clinicians. 

Lightning: “Ooohhh, that sounds exciting!” 

Onyx: “It really is. I get to be the star of the Zoom call. I get all sorts of awws and accolades. 

Lightning: “So what do you do during these IOP meetings?”

Onyx: “Well, it’s very important that I am physically on Blondie to help manage her anxiety. If I sense a panic attack creeping up, I go into action. I stick my nose in her ear and purr to get her to calm down. She can also hug me and pet me for a tactile distraction. I also provide tech support by making various screens appear on her computer and typing out words that make a lot of sense in Cat, but not so much in Human. 

Lightning: “That sounds strenuous. How long do you have to do this for?”

Onyx: “Well, she has 3 different meetings, one from 1-2, one from 2:15-3, and one from 3:15-4. There are snacks and a break in those missing 15 minutes. I do take advantage of the breaks to use the litter box, eat (since I still don’t get any good treats!), and stretch. 

Lightning: “So you’re in action for a looooong time. How do you avoid napping?”

Onyx: “I don’t. Assuming Blondie’s heart rate and breathing are stable, I happily fall asleep on her keyboard.”

Lightning: “That sounds like a solid plan. What happens when IOP is over?”

Onyx: “Unfortunately, it’s time to pick up the mini humans. They’re really loud. I don’t like loud. So I hide out in my cubby until Blondie replenishes the kibble.”

Lightning: “All of that work, and still no special treats?”

Onyx: “Nope.”

Lightning: “She needs to realize how lucky she is to have you.”

Onyx: “I agree! I do everything for her. I love her, but her lack of gratitude is wearing thin.”

Lightning: “Maybe you need to take a day or two off. Show her what she’s really missing. 

Onyx: “You know, that’s not a bad idea. I might take that one up!” 

Lightning: “Thanks for the interview, Onyx”. 

Onyx: “Any time, Lightning.”

26

June and the Bears’ Camping Trip – Part 2

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Where we are: Ilsa and Heather McBear have invited their kitten friend June on a family camping weekend in the woods. You can read the beginning of the story here. About 4p on Friday, June Longfur hear a car pull into the driveway.

(Not sure where the extra cub came from)

June: Papa! They’re here! Bring my stuff, please!

Papa comes into the room with a large bag. He opens the door and waves to Daddy McBear. June runs past him to the car.

Ilsa: Daddy! Daddy! Open the door so June can get in.

Angus McBear gets out of the car and opens the door to the back seat. June jumps in, and they start chattering as if they hadn’t left school together an hour before. Matilda McBear smiles at them from the front seat. Angus turns to Papa Longfur.

Daddy: Here, let me take that from you. Oof. What’s in there, bricks?

Papa: I’m sorry. I know that you said you’d take care of everything except June’s bed. But my wife was concerned that cats are really different from bears, and you wouldn’t know how to feed her or keep her busy all the time. This is a huge improvement from where we started. She originally had two bigger bags packed.

Daddy McBear laughed as he threw the bag in the back.

Daddy: Don’t worry. June will be safe with us. We’ll be back before dinner on Sunday.

Papa: Have fun, Princess. Be sure you listen to the McBears.

June: Bye, Papa! I’ll see you Sunday!

They arrived at the campsite around dinnertime. June had never seen so many trees. She wasn’t sure she liked the forest, but she tried to be brave.

Mummy: Why don’t you girls go explore while Daddy and I set up the camp. Since we don’t have any fish yet, I’m making burgers. How would you like yours, June?

June looked confused and didn’t say anything.

Ilsa: She means, do you eat meat raw or cooked?

June: Mama says that raw meat is for feral cats. May I have it cooked?

Mummy: Of course, sweetie. We can eat it either way. Ilsa, Heather – show June how we collect wood, please.

They grabbed a cloth from the trunk and run toward the wood. June races after them. They stop after a few minutes.

Heather: This looks like a good place.

They spread out the cloth and start putting sticks in it. June watches them.

June: I don’t think I can help. I need all of my paws for standing.

Heather: That’s okay. You can look for sticks and stand by them.

It didn’t take long to fill the cloth with sticks. Each cub grabbed two corners to hold the sticks in place.

Ilsa: Want a ride, June?

June: I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll make it too heavy.

Heather: No, you won’t. We’re strong.

June jumped on and rode back to camp like royalty. Mummy and Daddy laughed when they saw her.

Daddy: That’s one way to make sure she didn’t get lost.

June jumped down and looked around. There was a fire pit and shelter. A large basket held food. Fishing supplies were propped against a tree. The back of the car was open, and June could see more food. It looked like mainly snacks. She could see her fluffy bed under the shelter.

June: I thought you were supposed to hang your food from trees when you camp?

The bears looked at each other.

Daddy: Do you know why they say that?

June: I guess it stays fresher that way with no refrigerator.

The bears relaxed and laughed.

Mummy: No, that’s a human thing. They think bears won’t touch their food if they hang it up.

June: I thought you guys could climb trees.

Ilsa: We can. Since the humans are in our space, some bears think they have a right to the humans’ food.

Heather: I don’t really like it unless it’s berries or something.

Daddy: Don’t worry, June. Our food is safe; even your kitty kibble.

Dinner was delicious. The McBears put some kind of honey sauce on their burgers. June tried some, but it stuck to her paws and face. Definitely not cat-friendly. Soon it was getting dark.

Daddy: Who wants a marshmallow roasted?

Heather: I do!

Isla: I do!

Daddy: How about you, June?

June: What’s a marshmallow?

Heather: It’s a white cube kinda thing. They’re really sweet. Bears love them.

Isla: And raccoons.

June: I don’t really like sweet things.

Heather: You can try a bite of mine.

She took a bite and handed the rest to June. June tried to bite it, but it got in here long fur. Why did bears eat so many sticky things?

June: Ugh. Thanks, but I’ll just watch.

The bears and June sat around the fire telling scary stories. June didn’t get scared. She was sure the bears would protect her. Besides, she really didn’t understand a lot of the stories. They were mainly about humans, and she didn’t know any humans.

Daddy: Okay. We’ve all had a long day. Time for bed.

The bears all chose spots under the shelter. Everyone else slept on the ground, but June was happy in her fluffy bed between the girls. They were a short distance from the adult bears.

Mummy woke up when the sun rose. She poked Daddy to get him up too. They needed to fish for breakfast. As they walked past the girls, Mummy looked over. No one was there.

Mummy: They’re gone! My babies are gone! Humans must have taken them. What should we do?

Daddy: I doubt humans took them.

Mummy: They’re so cute! Of course, humans took them. They always grab cute animals.

Daddy: Matilda, calm down. We need to look around. They probably just wandered off.

Next week: Where did they go?

All pictures generated with Gemi

16

June and the Bears’ Camping Trip

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The McBear family had moved into a quiet, mixed-species neighborhood the previous year. Angus T McBear was a large, friendly black bear. However, his size had caused some discomfort at first.

He and his wife Matilda had enrolled their daughters, Ilsa and Heather in the local school. Being the only bears in the school, it took a while for the other animals to become friendly. The one exception was June Longfur. She had a plush Teddy Bear that she loved, and wanted to get to know the “real teddy bears” in her class.

Within a few weeks, the three friends were inseparable at school. They all loved the fish sticks in the cafeteria. They ran around and played hide-and-seek at lunch and recess. Junes’s cat friends were still afraid of the bears, but they let Ilsa and Heather sit at their table.

One morning Ilsa and Heather came to school very excited.

Ilsa: June! June!

Heather: Guess what? We have something to tell you, and it’s totally pawsome!

 

The bear cubs started talking over each other. June was having trouble understanding what either one was saying. Finally, they slowed down.

Heather: “… and Daddy said we could invite you!

June: Invite me to what?

Ilsa: Our next camping weekend. It’s going to be so much fun!

June: What’s camping? Is it a bear thing?

Ilsa and Heather looked at each other. It hadn’t occurred to them that cats might not camp.

Heather: Don’t cats go out into the woods and sleep outside?

Ilsa: And swim and fish and explore?

June: I don’t think so. None of my friends do. I think cats go for more spa-like vacations. You know, lying on the beach or something.

Ilsa: You should try camping. It’s a lot of fun. And it’s the first time Daddy has let us invite anyone.

June: It does sound like fun, but I’ll have to ask my parents.

That evening, June asked her parents if they had ever gone camping.

Mama: You mean go sleep in the open where all the uncivilized animals are?

Papa: It’s not really a cat thing. If I can sleep in a bed in a nice house, why wouldn’t I?

June: Ilsa and Heather said it’s a lot of fun. They get to catch their own fish.

Mama: Ilsa and Heather? Aren’t those the bears that moved in a few months ago?

June: Yes. They’re like real, living teddy bears. They’re my best friends. And they asked me to go camping with them.

Mama: I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t really know anything about them. Maybe they’re setting a trap so they can eat you.

June: Papa, tell her they’re not going to eat me. They’re black bears. They don’t eat cats.

Papa: That’s generally true. But we don’t know what they’d do if they were starving.

June: They’re not starving. They live in our neighborhood.

Mama: You’re probably right. I was walking past their house a few days ago. They look like they’re already getting ready for hibernation, if you know what I mean.

June: Mama! That’s just what healthy bears look like. May I go? It’s only one weekend.

Papa: We need to meet these bears. I’m not letting anyone have my princess if I don’t know them.

Mama: Let’s go over there now. They won’t be able to trick us if we surprise them.

The McBears live a few streets over. Mama and Papa spend the travel time imagining how uncivilized their house would be inside. The outside looked nice. Papa knocked on the door.

Angus: Hello. May I help you?

Papa: I’m Jonathan Longfur and this is my wife Cybal. We’re June’s parents. She’s a friend of your daughters.

Angus: Pleased to meet you. I’m glad we finally get to meet the marvelous June. The girls can’t stop talking about her.

Angus turns around and yells.

Angus: Ilsa! Heather! Guess who came to visit.

The girls came running out. June is overwhelmed by a group hug. Angus turns to her parents.

Angus: Please excuse my manners The girls have been having trouble making friends in their new school, and June has been extremely kind. You have no idea how excited the girls are to have her join us in the woods. Won’t you please come in?

Mama and Papa look at each other. This was not the reception they were expecting. The front room was immaculate. The furniture was bear-sized, but otherwise perfectly normal. A bear appeared from the kitchen with a tray.

Matilda: Hello. I’m Matilda, the girls’ mother. I hope you like catmint tea. Heather insisted I get it in case you came over. I have honey from my hives too, if you’d like some.

Mama: That is so kind. Thank you. I’m Cybal by the way. Your house is lovely.

Matilda: Thank you. It’s so nice of you to stop by. It seems that some of our neighbors are afraid of us. One little hedgehog told Ilsa that her mother wouldn’t let her play with them because the mother was afraid we might eat her. Can you imagine?

Mama: I guess animals might be afraid of what they don’t know.

Papa: Speaking of which – we don’t know the first thing about camping. Will June be safe? Are there predators out there that might hurt her?

Angus: Speaking as a rather large bear, I’ve never had a problem. I promise that I will not let anything happen to June.

Mama and Papa looked at each other.

Papa: Then you can count her in. Let us know what we should send with her.

The girls had been listening from a corner of the room. They started yelling and dancing.

All pictures were generated by Gemini AI.

22

Introducing Lightening Kat

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Hi all! It’s Lightning, here for my first blog post! Unfortunately, it has been a bit of a bumpy road. One of my two big humans has abandoned me! Blondie has been admitted into some sort of long term care facility for an “eating disorder “. I’m not really sure what that means; maybe she didn’t have enough prey to hunt? All I know is, she’s been gone for a really long time. And I miss her.

There are only 4 servants to pamper me as it is, and now I’m down to three. And two of the three don’t really count, as they’re human kittens and can’t reach the treat box to spoil me with extra treats. So that leaves one human. And both Onyx and Thunder think he should pay attention to them. So here I am, all alone and abandoned.

But it’s really Blondie who’s been missing out! While she’s been gone, I’ve become a master at Pounce (much to Onyx’s chagrin). I also graduated from kitten chow to adult kibble (this wasn’t really something she planned on. I was supposed to stay on kitten chow for six to twelve months. But the big kitties have endless kibble, so I decided to advocate for myself and start eating theirs. It’s really yummy). I’m also getting really long. I’m going to be a big kitty when I grow up! 

There are some things I miss about her. Like I mentioned above, I’m down to one human (although the younger of the two human kittens is my buddy). This means less cuddles, especially at bedtime, when Thunder steals the big human. I also don’t get nearly enough pets and cuddles with her gone. Our food and treats are not continually full. And I don’t have a constant stream of attention focused solely on me.

But she’s missing out on more. Like seeing me grow, or me learning how to hunt (I’m really good at getting jingly balls and the red dot). And she’s missing cuddles before it gets too hot. If I had known I was coming into a sick household, I would have asserted claim over the remaining big human. Or I would have sat on her for a really long time so she couldn’t leave. But no one warned me, and now I’m down a human. But that’s okay, I’ll just train the little one. 

The other cats are pretty cool. I love playing Pounce with Onyx! She hisses and growls at me, but still engages in the game. Thunder is less fun to play with; she always hides under the bed. But luckily we both fit under there, so she can still play with me! They can also thank me for getting an additional litter box; now there are bathroom options throughout the apartment. 

They haven’t been great about my missing human; Onyx says she does this a lot, and Thunder offered no advice on how to get her to come home. Maybe I’ll leave a trail of treats leading to our apartment. I miss her. As you can see, my life is pretty stressful without a human! I guess I’ll have to get started on that treat trail in the hope it brings her home. 

25

And Now…A Word from the Cats

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The lady cats decided they needed to talk to Sgt Stripes. Since Gypsy is only one who really gets along with him, she started.

Gypsy: Hey, Stripes. How’s it going?

Sgt Stripes: Not bad. How about you?

Gypsy: We were all wondering why you were getting so much more time in the blog than we are.

Sgt Stripes: Probably because I work in Cheeseland rather than lying around in the sun all day.

Snoops: Everyone knows you only got that job because you’re a tabby.

Sgt Stripes: Tabbies do kinda rock.

Angel: Don’t let it go to your head.

Gypsy: You did do a good job with the Mayor. He sounds exhausting.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. I’m guessing he’ll be out the door before too long.

Gypsy: Are you going to be his new Chief of Staff?

Sgt Stripes: Not a chance. I need to concentrate on the home front for a bit.

Angel: What’s wrong here?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t want to point a paw at anyone, but the dynamic has shifted a bit in the last few weeks.

Snoops: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes hesitated.

Gypsy: You know what’s going on. You’re at the center of it.

Angel: What are you two talking about?

Gypsy: After the boys left, we had a pretty good dynamic. You and Snoops had the first floor, I had the second floor, and Sgt Stripes bounced between them.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. Snoops pretty much deserted the second floor when I first got here and never really went back up.

Snoops: You know that we older cats can get into a rut with our routines.

Angel: And Snoops was sick for a while earlier in the year.

Snoops: I was NOT as sick as Mom thought I was. It was mainly stress. Now I’m back to myself.

Sgt Stripes: You mean trying to rule over both floors?

Snoops: I am the Empress. I go where I please. You notice I don’t have any problems getting up and down the stairs.

Angel: It was kind of funny how Mom put out more litter boxes to make it easier for you.

Sgt Stripes: We all appreciate the new convenience. The new ones are more popular than the old ones.

Snoops: I do like choices.

Sgt Stripes: Now that you’re upstairs at bedtime, we’re running out of bedtime treats. It was bad enough sharing with Gypsy after she came back upstairs. Now Mom needs to order more of my favorite bedtime treat.

Snoops: That’s not my fault. I don’t like beef and liver.

Gypsy: That’s kind of weird, Snoops. They are delicious.

Sgt Stripes: Gypsy, you know those were my favorite. You’ve kind of taken over treat time. And the best seat in the bedroom.

Gypsy: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes: The cat tree has really good cat TV and you’ve taken it over.

Gypsy: The other window looks out on a bunch of trees. That’s good cat TV too.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah, but it’s not as comfortable. I guess that’s okay because my non-fur sib has really good cat TV too.

Angel: So what is your point? It sounds like you’ve got it pretty good.

Sgt Stripes: Umm. Oh yeah. Gypsy’s taken over my prime treat spot. I’ve been getting nighttime treats on the nightstand for years. Now when she hears Mom coming upstairs, Gypsy races to MY treat spot. Even though Mom gives Gypsy hers on the cat tree SHE STOLE FROM ME.

Angel: Okay. So things have changed a little. Everybody is probably a little cranky from the heat.

Gypsy: The no AC thing was tough this week. We couldn’t even open the windows at night for a couple of days.

Snoops: That was unpleasant. Glad it finally cooled down enough to open things up this morning.

Sgt Stripes: The new windows downstairs are cat-astic! And there’s finally enough room for everyone to have a window.

Angel: Life is pretty good here, after all.

The other cats nod.

17

Road Trip With the Tabbies – Part 3

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Where we are: Thomas Tabby has chosen to be with his family (wife Tina and two kittens) rather than stay in town to attend a meeting Mayor Pauly Porcine is having with the Cheeseland Garden Club. Pauly wasn’t accepting no for an answer. Thomas asked Sgt Stripes to fill in, leaving his departure a secret until he was out of the office.

 

Thomas had asked Sgt Stripes to sit in his office on Friday with his back to the door, thinking that they were both grey mackerel tabbies, and no one would look closely. Sgt Stripes wasn’t sure, but agreed to do it. In fact, the office was almost empty and he left after a couple of hours. He texted Thomas and told him the plan had worked.

 

Thomas was having a great time at the beach with Tina and the girls. They had a cabin on the water. It was the first time the kittens had been on vacation, and they were very excited.

Emily: Ooh, look at the ocean. It’s so pretty.

Eva: And so big! Can we go in the water?

Tina: I guess so. I’m really not a fan of water. Ask Daddy to take you down.

Eva: Please, Daddy! Can we go in the water?

Thomas: Do you even like water?

Eva: I don’t know. I’ve never seen this much. Please???

Thomas: I don’t see any reason why not. Do you want to come Emily?

Emily: Yeah!

The family found a place on the beach. Tina stretched out on the blanket for a nap as Thomas took the kittens to the edge of the water. He swung Eva up and placed her gently in water covering her paws.

Eva: Eww! It’s cold! I don’t like it!

Emily bravely entered the water on her own. She made it a few steps past her sister when a small wave touched her tummy.

Emily: Ooh! I don’t like this. Daddy, get me out, please!

Thomas grabbed the kittens, and they went back to their blanket.

Thomas: I have an idea. Let’s build a castle in the sand.

The girls took their buckets and began piling up sand. Thomas got some water to dampen the sand. They worked while Tina slept. Finally, the girls woke her up.

Eva: Look, Mommy! Look what we made.

Tina: You guys did a great job. Let me take a picture to show your friends, then we can go to dinner.

Meanwhile, in Cheeseland…

Pauly: Hey Thomas. Did you have a good weekend. Hope you’re not too upset about missing the family vacation.

Sgt Stripes: From what I’ve heard, he’s having a great time. They’re right on the beach, so the kittens love it.

Pauly: Hey. You’re not Thomas. You’re that other tabby, the one on the Communications staff. Why are you in Thomas’ office?

Sgt Stripes: No, I am not Thomas. He sent you an email about what’s going on this week. Didn’t you read it?

Pauly looks at his phone.

Pauly: Nope, I didn’t get an email.

Sgt Stripes: That’s odd. I saw your name on it. Are you sure?

Pauly: Look for yourself.

Pauly handed his phone to Sgt Stripes. The big tabby looked at his email and started to laugh.

 

Sgt Stripes: Is this the way you always use your email?

Pauly: Of course. How else would I do it?

Sgt Stripes: You have it set to Primary. The phone is only showing you the emails it thinks are important. You need to set it to ALL. Oh my goodness, you have 500 unopened emails.

Pauly: I guess maybe all those folks were right that they had sent me messages.

Sgt Stripes: Here’s what we’re looking for.

Pauly looks over his shoulder.

Pauly: This is outrageous! It says he’s going to be gone all week, and if I have questions I need to talk to his assistant.

Sgt Stripes: That’s me.

Pauly: I hope you’re ready. We meet with the Garden Club in two hours.

When Sgt Stripes arrived at the meeting, everyone was ready to start. Mayor Pauly introduced him.

Pauly: This is Sgt Stripes. He’s sitting in for Thomas who is out of town. My understanding is that you are refusing to let Parks & Rec utilize the corner of Potter Park for a municipal pool.

Cecilia Capybara: That’s been a memorial garden for generations.

Pauly: Can’t you move the memorials?

Ignatius Iguana: With all due respect, do you understand what a memorial garden is? Animals purchase plants and trees in memory of loved ones,

Pauly: Couldn’t they just buy that stuff somewhere else?

Sgt Stripes was beginning to see why Thomas was needed at Pauly’s meetings. Once he made up his mind, it was almost impossible to change it. The other animals began whispering angrily to each other.

 

Sgt Stripes: Maybe I can help. I was looking over a map of the park. It looks like you have open land near the entrance of the park. Could we use that for the pool?’

Pauly: The original space I chose is much more desirable. It’s away from the playgrounds.

Gladys Groundhog: That’s why it’s perfect for the Memorial Garden.

Pauly: I suppose I could talk to Tony over at Parks & Rec.

Ignatius turned to Sgt Stripes.

Ignatius: Sgt Stripes, you seem to understand. Will you please talk to Parks & Rec?

Sgt Stripes looked at Pauly. Pauly nodded.

The ending: The Garden Club kept the Memorial Garden. Thomas and his family had a great time at the beach. And the Cheeseland City Council is interviewing candidates to work as Chief of Staff for Pauly.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

20

Road Trip with the Tabbies – Part 2

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Where we are: Thomas Tabby was working very hard as the Liaison to the Humans, putting in a lot of overtime. Tina, his wife, was not happy. She had agreed to let him run for office, assuming it would be less stressful than being a Vice President at Cheeseland Savings and Loan.

The mayor, Pauly Porcine, has greatly expanded Thomas’ role since discovering how well he handles negotiations. Tina has book a beach vacation and expects Thomas to be there. Thomas is talking to his buddy, Sgt Stripes.

Thomas: Stripes, I don’t know what to do. Either Pauly is going to be mad or Tina’s going to be mad.

Sgt Stripes: Well, you’re only married to one of them. And Pauly didn’t hire you. You were elected.

Thomas: True enough. But I need to be able to work here for at least the next two and a half years. I really like this job.

Sgt Stripes: That is also true. And Pauly can be pretty brutal when he wants to be. He’s already gone through three assistants since the beginning of his term a year and a half ago.

Thomas: I heard that the cafeteria delivers his meals to his office. I wonder if they’re mad at him too.

Sgt Stripes: One of the lunch ladies, Evelyn, told me that he took a particular liking to the corn stew they serve every Wednesday. He was always the first one to the cafeteria.

Thomas: That’s not so strange. He just wanted to make sure they didn’t run out.

Sgt Stripes: If he’d taken a a serving or two, it would have been fine. He wanted the entire serving tray.

Thomas: Oh. That probably upset a few animals. I never paid any attention. I don’t like corn.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I just think he wasn’t taught sharing or listening.

Thomas: That’s too bad. He’s really good at the business side of being mayor, but he really needs to work on the social side.

Sgt Stripes: Still no luck on the vacation?

Thomas: Tina and the girls are leaving tomorrow afternoon.

Sgt Stripes: How’s the self-driving car?

Thomas: I don’t think Tina was meant to drive one of those. There are specific things you need to say to get it to do what you want. It talks a lot. It told Tina that it was going too fast for the road. She ignored it because she was running late and they ended up in the ditch.

Sgt Stripes: That was unfortunate. Was everyone okay?

Thomas: Yes, thank goodness. It doesn’t appear to enjoy being screamed at either. She gave it instructions to make a left turn at the intersection. When it started to turn, she started yelling, “Stop. Turn right. Turn right! Since it couldn’t legally turn right from where it was, it just stopped. The other drivers were not pleased.”

Sgt Stripes: Is it too late to take the train?

Thomas: She really wants the car. She wants me to drive it.

Sgt Stripes: Does it listen to you?

Thomas: I haven’t had any problems with it. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Pauly walks in the door.

Pauly: Greetings, boys. Anything important going on?

Sgt Stripes: We were just discussing Thomas’ vacation.

Pauly (puzzled): You mean the one his wife is taking to the beach.

Thomas: She still wants me to go. She’s having trouble with the car.

Pauly: She’ll be fine. I need you here when I meet with the Garden Club next week. They’re fighting with Parks & Rec over who gets to use the lot at Carlisle and Vine. Those ladies can be very stubborn. And they love Thomas. Have a good night.

Thomas: That didn’t go well. I guess I better tell my family that I can’t go.

When Thomas arrived home, the kittens ran out to meet him.

Thomas: How are my girls? Did you have a good day?

Emily: Yes, it was really exciting. We helped Mama pack for the trip.

Eva: And we packed for you too, Daddy. Mama said that you probably wouldn’t have time.

Thomas: Did Mama say I was going to drive?

Emily: Yes, she did. She says the car doesn’t like her. Today we almost ran into a cart at the grocery store.

Thomas: Would you be upset if I wasn’t able to come on the trip.

Eva: You have to come, Daddy. It’s a family vacation, and you’re part of the family.

Thomas had an idea. He told Tina that he needed to go to the office for an hour or two before they left. Then he called Sgt Stripes to make sure he would be in early.

Sgt Stripes: Hi, Boss. What’s up?

Thomas: I was thinking. You look a lot like me, right?

Sgt Stripes: Except for my extremely attractive white chest and paws.

Thomas: But from the back we look almost identical, right?

Sgt Stripes: I guess. Why?

Thomas: If you sat in here and worked with your back to the door, no one would think it wasn’t me. The first time we stop, I will call Pauly and tell him that I briefed you on next week’s meeting and you can handle it in my place. What do you think?

Sgt Stripes: It might work.

Thomas: I really need to go on that vacation. Pauly will be fine without me. You can call me if there are any problems. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Thomas explained who would be at the meeting and where the problems might be. Sgt Stripes listened. He sat at the desk facing the window after Thomas left. Within an hour, the Tabbies were on the road.

Next week: Can Sgt Stripes keep Pauly happy for a week?

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

19

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans?

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Hello. It’s Angel reporting to you outside of Cheeseland City Hall. Something unprecedented is going on inside. From what we’re being told, a human has filed a lawsuit against the city for discriminatory practices in hiring. We’re waiting to learn more about this unusual development.

There was a small group of animals surrounding Angel as she spoke in front of a camera. Soon Sgt Stripes, head of communications, walked up to Angel.

Angel: Hello Sgt Stripes. Can you tell us what’s going on with the lawsuit?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure that I can. As far as we can tell, Cheeseland has never had a lawsuit before.

There were murmurs from the crowd.

Squirrel: Should have known it would come from a human.

Angel: We had thought that having a liaison with the humans would avoid this type of thing. Can you tell us what went wrong?

Beaver: I knew it was a bad idea to trust the humans.

Husky: Me too. I thought we should just ban them from Cheeseland.

Grizzly Bear: One of them turned my great-grandpa into a rug.

Fox: And they think that foxes are for making fur coats.

The crowd was growing and getting more agitated.

Sgt Stripes: Calm down everyone. No one wants this to turn into something ugly.

Angel: So how is Thomas Tabby going to handle this. He is the liaison to the humans.

Sgt Stripes: Thomas is reviewing the allegations with Cheeseland’s top attorney, JJ Gorilla.

Lion: That’s good news. He’ll know what to do.

Meanwhile, Thomas and JJ are meeting in Thomas’ office.

Thomas: We have to fix this. We said that our relationship with the humans would improve. Now they’re suing us.

JJ: Don’t get so excited, Thomas. It’s just one humans. They do this kind of thing to each other all the time.

Thomas: Really? I’ve never heard of an animal doing that.

JJ: That’s nothing. You should see what they do when they loan each other money.

Thomas: Maybe they don’t really like each other.

JJ: I’ll never understand them.

Thomas: Did you read what the human said? What’s his name?

JJ: David Mason. He says that he’s applied for three jobs with the city and hasn’t gotten any of them.

Thomas: Why would he want a job here? He’d be the only human.

JJ: Apparently, he’s been having trouble finding a job in the human sector and thought he’d try Cheeseland.

Thomas: What jobs did he apply to?

JJ: That’s the odd part. It looks like he’s interested in positions that work with the public, and our public is overwhelmingly non-human. We’re very animal-centric.

Thomas: What did he want to do? Is he even qualified?

JJ: I would say, technically, yes. For example, he want to work at the front office at the municipal ice arena. There’s no reason why a human couldn’t do it.

Thomas: Except humans aren’t considered cold-weather animals and some of that population can’t work anywhere else.

JJ: But does that make them any more qualified?

Thomas: I think so. The ice arena runs very smoothly. What else did he apply for?

JJ: Two jobs at City Hall. One answering the main phone line and one in Parks & Rec.

Thomas: Does he speak Animal English or Ur Animal? Many of our constituents don’t speak anything but their native tongue.

JJ: He says he knows that everyone at City Hall has an AI translator in case there are communications issues.

Thomas: You know that we prefer not to use them. AI was created by humans and doesn’t really work well with animal dialects. He’d have to be hooked in the entire time he’s at work. That is not a good idea. Who knows what he’d say without knowing he’d said it?

JJ: The hearing is next week. What do you want to do?

Thomas: Set up a meeting with the Director of Hiring. Find out why he wasn’t chosen. Hopefully, it wasn’t just because he’s humans.

JJ left the meeting and went outside. There was a large group of animals protesting against humans in Cheeseland, The TV crew was filming everything. It wasn’t going to be easy proving there wasn’t an anti-human bias. He’d have to think of something else.

(Ed. Note: Apologies to Sgt Stripes and Angel fans. We couldn’t figure out how to get their pictures right in Gemini. We’re going to keep working on it.)

Next week: Can JJ defend Cheeseland’s hiring practices?