1

Road Trip With the Tabbies – Part 3

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Where we are: Thomas Tabby has chosen to be with his family (wife Tina and two kittens) rather than stay in town to attend a meeting Mayor Pauly Porcine is having with the Cheeseland Garden Club. Pauly wasn’t accepting no for an answer. Thomas asked Sgt Stripes to fill in, leaving his departure a secret until he was out of the office.

 

Thomas had asked Sgt Stripes to sit in his office on Friday with his back to the door, thinking that they were both grey mackerel tabbies, and no one would look closely. Sgt Stripes wasn’t sure, but agreed to do it. In fact, the office was almost empty and he left after a couple of hours. He texted Thomas and told him the plan had worked.

 

Thomas was having a great time at the beach with Tina and the girls. They had a cabin on the water. It was the first time the kittens had been on vacation, and they were very excited.

Emily: Ooh, look at the ocean. It’s so pretty.

Eva: And so big! Can we go in the water?

Tina: I guess so. I’m really not a fan of water. Ask Daddy to take you down.

Eva: Please, Daddy! Can we go in the water?

Thomas: Do you even like water?

Eva: I don’t know. I’ve never seen this much. Please???

Thomas: I don’t see any reason why not. Do you want to come Emily?

Emily: Yeah!

The family found a place on the beach. Tina stretched out on the blanket for a nap as Thomas took the kittens to the edge of the water. He swung Eva up and placed her gently in water covering her paws.

Eva: Eww! It’s cold! I don’t like it!

Emily bravely entered the water on her own. She made it a few steps past her sister when a small wave touched her tummy.

Emily: Ooh! I don’t like this. Daddy, get me out, please!

Thomas grabbed the kittens, and they went back to their blanket.

Thomas: I have an idea. Let’s build a castle in the sand.

The girls took their buckets and began piling up sand. Thomas got some water to dampen the sand. They worked while Tina slept. Finally, the girls woke her up.

Eva: Look, Mommy! Look what we made.

Tina: You guys did a great job. Let me take a picture to show your friends, then we can go to dinner.

Meanwhile, in Cheeseland…

Pauly: Hey Thomas. Did you have a good weekend. Hope you’re not too upset about missing the family vacation.

Sgt Stripes: From what I’ve heard, he’s having a great time. They’re right on the beach, so the kittens love it.

Pauly: Hey. You’re not Thomas. You’re that other tabby, the one on the Communications staff. Why are you in Thomas’ office?

Sgt Stripes: No, I am not Thomas. He sent you an email about what’s going on this week. Didn’t you read it?

Pauly looks at his phone.

Pauly: Nope, I didn’t get an email.

Sgt Stripes: That’s odd. I saw your name on it. Are you sure?

Pauly: Look for yourself.

Pauly handed his phone to Sgt Stripes. The big tabby looked at his email and started to laugh.

 

Sgt Stripes: Is this the way you always use your email?

Pauly: Of course. How else would I do it?

Sgt Stripes: You have it set to Primary. The phone is only showing you the emails it thinks are important. You need to set it to ALL. Oh my goodness, you have 500 unopened emails.

Pauly: I guess maybe all those folks were right that they had sent me messages.

Sgt Stripes: Here’s what we’re looking for.

Pauly looks over his shoulder.

Pauly: This is outrageous! It says he’s going to be gone all week, and if I have questions I need to talk to his assistant.

Sgt Stripes: That’s me.

Pauly: I hope you’re ready. We meet with the Garden Club in two hours.

When Sgt Stripes arrived at the meeting, everyone was ready to start. Mayor Pauly introduced him.

Pauly: This is Sgt Stripes. He’s sitting in for Thomas who is out of town. My understanding is that you are refusing to let Parks & Rec utilize the corner of Potter Park for a municipal pool.

Cecilia Capybara: That’s been a memorial garden for generations.

Pauly: Can’t you move the memorials?

Ignatius Iguana: With all due respect, do you understand what a memorial garden is? Animals purchase plants and trees in memory of loved ones,

Pauly: Couldn’t they just buy that stuff somewhere else?

Sgt Stripes was beginning to see why Thomas was needed at Pauly’s meetings. Once he made up his mind, it was almost impossible to change it. The other animals began whispering angrily to each other.

 

Sgt Stripes: Maybe I can help. I was looking over a map of the park. It looks like you have open land near the entrance of the park. Could we use that for the pool?’

Pauly: The original space I chose is much more desirable. It’s away from the playgrounds.

Gladys Groundhog: That’s why it’s perfect for the Memorial Garden.

Pauly: I suppose I could talk to Tony over at Parks & Rec.

Ignatius turned to Sgt Stripes.

Ignatius: Sgt Stripes, you seem to understand. Will you please talk to Parks & Rec?

Sgt Stripes looked at Pauly. Pauly nodded.

The ending: The Garden Club kept the Memorial Garden. Thomas and his family had a great time at the beach. And the Cheeseland City Council is interviewing candidates to work as Chief of Staff for Pauly.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

20

Road Trip with the Tabbies – Part 2

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Where we are: Thomas Tabby was working very hard as the Liaison to the Humans, putting in a lot of overtime. Tina, his wife, was not happy. She had agreed to let him run for office, assuming it would be less stressful than being a Vice President at Cheeseland Savings and Loan.

The mayor, Pauly Porcine, has greatly expanded Thomas’ role since discovering how well he handles negotiations. Tina has book a beach vacation and expects Thomas to be there. Thomas is talking to his buddy, Sgt Stripes.

Thomas: Stripes, I don’t know what to do. Either Pauly is going to be mad or Tina’s going to be mad.

Sgt Stripes: Well, you’re only married to one of them. And Pauly didn’t hire you. You were elected.

Thomas: True enough. But I need to be able to work here for at least the next two and a half years. I really like this job.

Sgt Stripes: That is also true. And Pauly can be pretty brutal when he wants to be. He’s already gone through three assistants since the beginning of his term a year and a half ago.

Thomas: I heard that the cafeteria delivers his meals to his office. I wonder if they’re mad at him too.

Sgt Stripes: One of the lunch ladies, Evelyn, told me that he took a particular liking to the corn stew they serve every Wednesday. He was always the first one to the cafeteria.

Thomas: That’s not so strange. He just wanted to make sure they didn’t run out.

Sgt Stripes: If he’d taken a a serving or two, it would have been fine. He wanted the entire serving tray.

Thomas: Oh. That probably upset a few animals. I never paid any attention. I don’t like corn.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I just think he wasn’t taught sharing or listening.

Thomas: That’s too bad. He’s really good at the business side of being mayor, but he really needs to work on the social side.

Sgt Stripes: Still no luck on the vacation?

Thomas: Tina and the girls are leaving tomorrow afternoon.

Sgt Stripes: How’s the self-driving car?

Thomas: I don’t think Tina was meant to drive one of those. There are specific things you need to say to get it to do what you want. It talks a lot. It told Tina that it was going too fast for the road. She ignored it because she was running late and they ended up in the ditch.

Sgt Stripes: That was unfortunate. Was everyone okay?

Thomas: Yes, thank goodness. It doesn’t appear to enjoy being screamed at either. She gave it instructions to make a left turn at the intersection. When it started to turn, she started yelling, “Stop. Turn right. Turn right! Since it couldn’t legally turn right from where it was, it just stopped. The other drivers were not pleased.”

Sgt Stripes: Is it too late to take the train?

Thomas: She really wants the car. She wants me to drive it.

Sgt Stripes: Does it listen to you?

Thomas: I haven’t had any problems with it. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Pauly walks in the door.

Pauly: Greetings, boys. Anything important going on?

Sgt Stripes: We were just discussing Thomas’ vacation.

Pauly (puzzled): You mean the one his wife is taking to the beach.

Thomas: She still wants me to go. She’s having trouble with the car.

Pauly: She’ll be fine. I need you here when I meet with the Garden Club next week. They’re fighting with Parks & Rec over who gets to use the lot at Carlisle and Vine. Those ladies can be very stubborn. And they love Thomas. Have a good night.

Thomas: That didn’t go well. I guess I better tell my family that I can’t go.

When Thomas arrived home, the kittens ran out to meet him.

Thomas: How are my girls? Did you have a good day?

Emily: Yes, it was really exciting. We helped Mama pack for the trip.

Eva: And we packed for you too, Daddy. Mama said that you probably wouldn’t have time.

Thomas: Did Mama say I was going to drive?

Emily: Yes, she did. She says the car doesn’t like her. Today we almost ran into a cart at the grocery store.

Thomas: Would you be upset if I wasn’t able to come on the trip.

Eva: You have to come, Daddy. It’s a family vacation, and you’re part of the family.

Thomas had an idea. He told Tina that he needed to go to the office for an hour or two before they left. Then he called Sgt Stripes to make sure he would be in early.

Sgt Stripes: Hi, Boss. What’s up?

Thomas: I was thinking. You look a lot like me, right?

Sgt Stripes: Except for my extremely attractive white chest and paws.

Thomas: But from the back we look almost identical, right?

Sgt Stripes: I guess. Why?

Thomas: If you sat in here and worked with your back to the door, no one would think it wasn’t me. The first time we stop, I will call Pauly and tell him that I briefed you on next week’s meeting and you can handle it in my place. What do you think?

Sgt Stripes: It might work.

Thomas: I really need to go on that vacation. Pauly will be fine without me. You can call me if there are any problems. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Thomas explained who would be at the meeting and where the problems might be. Sgt Stripes listened. He sat at the desk facing the window after Thomas left. Within an hour, the Tabbies were on the road.

Next week: Can Sgt Stripes keep Pauly happy for a week?

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

17

Road Trip With the Tabbies

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Things are a little tense at home for Thomas Tabby. Thomas had seriously underestimated how much of his time would be needed as liaison to the humans. They had designed the position as a way for the animals address issues with their humans for those animals  who live with humans. Or work with humans. These animals are a small percentage of Cheeseland residents.

The first few incidents had gone so well that the mayor, Pauly Porcine, had started inviting Thomas to sit in on issues that were entirely animal-to-animal. Cheeseland loved Thomas; he was much more popular than Pauly. They also had not foreseen the recent lawsuit by a humans to get a job in Cheeseland. Thomas had been heavily involved in the entire process. And Tina Tabby was not happy.

Thomas: I’m home! Where is everybody?

Tina: The girls are asleep. They have school tomorrow.

Thomas: Rats! I didn’t realize I was that late.

Tina: It’s the second time this week.

Thomas: You remember that human who insisted on working in Cheeseland?

Tina: I thought that was settled.

Thomas: So did I. This morning I had to go over to the plant. Turns out he doesn’t like the smell of manure. He wanted to be transferred to a part of the plant that, in his words, “Didn’t smell like cow @*%#.”

Tina: What did he expect a fertilizer plant to smell like?

Thomas: Apparently, humans make some kind of fertilizer that doesn’t use animals. At any rate, he deeply offended some of his coworkers. We ended up with a meeting between the humans and the supervisor, who happens to be a cow.

Tina: Oh, my. That probably didn’t;t end well.

Thomas: It did not. Yvette, the supervisor, came in and the human started sniffing the air. He told her she smelled like the fertilizer, and he couldn’t stay in a room with her. They called security and escorted him from the premises. He won’t be back.

Tina: Maybe you can spend some time with your family now.

Thomas: Pauly has some things coming up that he needs me for.

Tina: I don’t care about Pauly. I’ve rented a car, and we’re going to the beach.

Thomas: Let me talk to Pauly.

Tina: Talk all you want. The girls are out of school in a couple of weeks, and we’re going to the beach. They want you to come too.

Thomas: That sounds really nice. I’ll see what I can do.

By the time Thomas got to the office the next morning, he still didn’t have a plan.

Sgt Stripes: Morning, Boss. You look terrible. What’s wrong?

Thomas: Tina wants me to go on vacation with her and the girls, but it’s at the same time as the mayor’s big beautification project.

Sgt Stripes: What’s the problem? You’re not involved with Parks & Rec or the anti-graffiti folks.

Thomas: He told the beautification team that they’re less important than the neighborhood safety team, and they’re all angry with him.

Sgt Stripes: Ouch. He can be a little outspoken.

Juana Iguana walked up.

Juana: I couldn’t help hearing what you guys were talking about. Has Tina already planned the trip?

Thomas: She rented a car and reserved a beach house upstate.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t know Tina could drive.

Thomas: She can’t. She got one of those smart cars that drives itself.

Juana: Is that safe? I’ve heard really scary stories about humans using those things. Maybe they should take a train.

Thomas: She wants to be able to get around after they get to the town. Are they really that dangerous?

Sgt Stripes: New technology is always scary. Especially when it involves humans.

Juana nodded. Thomas went to his office to think. A few minutes later, Pauly Porcine stopped by.

Thomas: Hi, Pauly. How are things?

Pauly: Not bad. I think the head of the Beautification project, Shelly Squirrel is talking to me again. At least she didn’t immediately hang up on me.

Thomas: That is a good sign. Speaking of the project, I may not be able to be here for the kick-off. Tina made reservations at Emerald Lake that week for a family vacation.

Pauly: Can’t she change them?

Thomas: Probably not. It’s a really popular place.

Pauly: Thomas, I really need your support on this. You know I’ve offended some of the animals working on it, and I need a smooth start. Talk to Tina and see if you can change her mind.

Thomas walked home in a gloomy mood. He knew he didn’t stand a chance changing Tina’s plans. Suddenly, he heard screeching tires. He looked up in time to see Tina drive past in a bright red car. She was headed for their house.

Next week: Can Thomas make both Tina and Pauly happy?

All pictures are generated by Gemini AI

21

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans? Part 2

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Where we are: Cheeseland has received notice of its first-ever lawsuit. The city is being sued for discrimination in its hiring practices. Cheeseland is being represented by JJ Gorilla, widely considered the best animal for the job. David (the human) wasn’t as lucky. He’s talking with a couple of friends.

David: Pete, you told me this was going to be easy. “How hard can it be? They’re just a bunch of dumb animals.” I can’t even find a lawyer.

Steve: Why not? It should be simple. Obviously, a human is more qualified than a polar bear to sell tickets at an ice arena.

David: You would think. But apparently that’s not true if the customers are all animals. They say that some of the animals are afraid of humans. I’m not sure, but I think they said rabbits and deer.

Pete: Did you tell them you’re not going to eat the customers?

David: The whole thing didn’t go well. When they said Animal English, I thought it would be like talking to someone with an accent. It was a really strong accent.

Steve: What are you going to do? Give up?

David: No. I think the animals need to see that humans deserve jobs too.

 

Steve: Are you going without a lawyer?

David: No, they’re required to give me representation.

Pete: Are you getting a gorilla too? Or a shark?

Steve: Or a snake? That would be cool.

David: Um, no. The free representation is provided by animals just out of school. And they’re trying to open the profession up to a wider variety of animals.

Steve: So what is it?

David: She’s a French Poodle. Her name is Abbie, and she’s really smart. She’s meeting with that gorilla this afternoon.

David’s friends laughed, and the conversation moved on. Meanwhile, JJ and Abbie were meeting.

JJ: Thank you for coming to my office, Abbie. The judge prefers that the two sides meet before the court date to see if they can find common ground.

Abbie: Of course. I can’t believe I’m in the same court case as JJ Gorilla. Your book on compromise is required reading at law school. You’re a big part of why we have so little legal conflict in Cheeseland, Mr Gorilla.

JJ: Please call me JJ. It’s very kind of you to say that.

 

Abbie: Do you think we can find a compromise? My client wants either a job or money.

JJ: Sounds like a human. Does he know that money isn’t really used in Cheesland the way it is in human cities?

Abbie: I tried to explain that working in Cheeseland probably wasn’t a good move financially because we do a lot of barter here, so he may not find a job in his expected compensation range.

JJ: And even if he wins his suit, he isn’t going to get a lot of money.

Abbie: Do you have any idea what he might Goget if he does win? I don’t think he’s really qualified to get a job where he talks to animals. I’m having a lot of trouble understanding him. He uses some type of human translator that isn’t very good.

 

JJ: Then he’s not actually qualified for customer service positions. We’ll assume he’s doing that human thing where they expect us to pay to have him not go around telling everyone how horrible it is to be a human in Cheeseland.

Abbie: You are correct. So how much would Cheeseland be willing to pay him?

JJ: He wants $500,000, which is totally ridiculous. We don’t really care if his human friends don’t want to come here. Luckily for him, animals are a little more ethical. We try to do the right thing.

JJ starts to work on his laptop while Abbie looks at the books in his office. After a few minutes, he invites Abbie over to look at his screen.

JJ: Since your client doesn’t really have a case, here’s what we can do. Fifty thousand dollars in cash, one year’s free pass to all Cheeseland municipal events and parks, and a lifetime supply of fertilizer.

 

Abbie realizes that she will need to speak to her client, and he will not be happy. She goes outside to present the offer. She comes back a few minutes later.

Abbie: My client has refused your offer. He says it’s either a job or he’s going to sue for $1 million.

JJ: Any type of job?

Abbie: Yes. He says that he has to have a job or he’s suing in human court.

JJ: That would be very unfortunate. Let me make a couple of calls. You’re sure he would take any job?

Abbie: That’s what he says.

JJ talks to a couple of animals while Abbie waits outside. She returns after JJ opens the door.

JJ: I have two job opportunities for your client. Can we call him together? I’ll link him into AnimalView.

Abbie called her client and nodded to JJ.

JJ: Hello David. I’m JJ Gorilla, and I’m representing Cheeseland. Can you understand what I’m saying?

David: Yes…you hear me?

JJ looked at Abbie. She nodded again.

JJ: I understand that you want a job in Cheeselabnd and will sue us if you can’t get one.

David: That’s correct. It’s my right as a human being.

JJ: Okay. I have two offers to choose from. If you take either of them, you need to sign a form saying you will not sue Cheeseland. Do you understand?

David nodded.

JJ: After reviewing your qualifications, we’ve found two jobs that match. You have to choose one of the jobs if you want to work here. You want to be treated exactly the same as the animals, correct?

David nodded again.

JJ: The first job is at the fertilizer plant. Your job would be in client relations for the human accounts.

David: That sounds pretty good. What’s the other job?

 

JJ: That one is on an apple farm. You would be responsible for building maintenance. It’s a pretty physical job, but you don’t really have to worry about talking.

David: The first job, definitely. Thank you for straightening everything out, Mr. Gorilla. Thank you, Abbie.

After the details were ironed out, JJ called Angel Cat to tell her she could report on the outcome of the lawsuit.

Pictures generated using Gemini AI

19

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans?

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Hello. It’s Angel reporting to you outside of Cheeseland City Hall. Something unprecedented is going on inside. From what we’re being told, a human has filed a lawsuit against the city for discriminatory practices in hiring. We’re waiting to learn more about this unusual development.

There was a small group of animals surrounding Angel as she spoke in front of a camera. Soon Sgt Stripes, head of communications, walked up to Angel.

Angel: Hello Sgt Stripes. Can you tell us what’s going on with the lawsuit?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure that I can. As far as we can tell, Cheeseland has never had a lawsuit before.

There were murmurs from the crowd.

Squirrel: Should have known it would come from a human.

Angel: We had thought that having a liaison with the humans would avoid this type of thing. Can you tell us what went wrong?

Beaver: I knew it was a bad idea to trust the humans.

Husky: Me too. I thought we should just ban them from Cheeseland.

Grizzly Bear: One of them turned my great-grandpa into a rug.

Fox: And they think that foxes are for making fur coats.

The crowd was growing and getting more agitated.

Sgt Stripes: Calm down everyone. No one wants this to turn into something ugly.

Angel: So how is Thomas Tabby going to handle this. He is the liaison to the humans.

Sgt Stripes: Thomas is reviewing the allegations with Cheeseland’s top attorney, JJ Gorilla.

Lion: That’s good news. He’ll know what to do.

Meanwhile, Thomas and JJ are meeting in Thomas’ office.

Thomas: We have to fix this. We said that our relationship with the humans would improve. Now they’re suing us.

JJ: Don’t get so excited, Thomas. It’s just one humans. They do this kind of thing to each other all the time.

Thomas: Really? I’ve never heard of an animal doing that.

JJ: That’s nothing. You should see what they do when they loan each other money.

Thomas: Maybe they don’t really like each other.

JJ: I’ll never understand them.

Thomas: Did you read what the human said? What’s his name?

JJ: David Mason. He says that he’s applied for three jobs with the city and hasn’t gotten any of them.

Thomas: Why would he want a job here? He’d be the only human.

JJ: Apparently, he’s been having trouble finding a job in the human sector and thought he’d try Cheeseland.

Thomas: What jobs did he apply to?

JJ: That’s the odd part. It looks like he’s interested in positions that work with the public, and our public is overwhelmingly non-human. We’re very animal-centric.

Thomas: What did he want to do? Is he even qualified?

JJ: I would say, technically, yes. For example, he want to work at the front office at the municipal ice arena. There’s no reason why a human couldn’t do it.

Thomas: Except humans aren’t considered cold-weather animals and some of that population can’t work anywhere else.

JJ: But does that make them any more qualified?

Thomas: I think so. The ice arena runs very smoothly. What else did he apply for?

JJ: Two jobs at City Hall. One answering the main phone line and one in Parks & Rec.

Thomas: Does he speak Animal English or Ur Animal? Many of our constituents don’t speak anything but their native tongue.

JJ: He says he knows that everyone at City Hall has an AI translator in case there are communications issues.

Thomas: You know that we prefer not to use them. AI was created by humans and doesn’t really work well with animal dialects. He’d have to be hooked in the entire time he’s at work. That is not a good idea. Who knows what he’d say without knowing he’d said it?

JJ: The hearing is next week. What do you want to do?

Thomas: Set up a meeting with the Director of Hiring. Find out why he wasn’t chosen. Hopefully, it wasn’t just because he’s humans.

JJ left the meeting and went outside. There was a large group of animals protesting against humans in Cheeseland, The TV crew was filming everything. It wasn’t going to be easy proving there wasn’t an anti-human bias. He’d have to think of something else.

(Ed. Note: Apologies to Sgt Stripes and Angel fans. We couldn’t figure out how to get their pictures right in Gemini. We’re going to keep working on it.)

Next week: Can JJ defend Cheeseland’s hiring practices?

15

House Hunting in Cheeseland – Part 2

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Muffy and Biff were looking for a place to live together. Their first day of looking had not gone well. You can read about it here. Muffy had been doing most of the research, and she was getting discouraged. They were on their way to look at more places.

Muffy: I can’t believe how hard this is. I must have spent three hours looking at pictures on KittyConnector and another two hours talking to our realtor Drusilla. She is so frustrating.

Biff: What do you mean?

Muffy: She has certain places she wants to sell, and I keep telling her I know what we want. I hope we find something today.

Drusilla is standing in the parking lot of her office when they arrive.

Drusilla: I’m glad you made it. I know you’re frustrated Muffy, but it takes a while to find the perfect spot.

They get into Drusilla’s car and take off.

Biff: Where are we going today?

Drusilla: I know you guys want something with a lot of windows. This place has a view of Critter Lake. It’s close to shopping and the price is really good.

Muffy: That sounds nice.

Drusilla pulls up in front of a row of townhouses. Biff looks around.

Biff: I don’t understand how this place can have a view of the lake. Those houses across the road are actually on the lake.

Drusilla: Let’s go inside and see what it looks like.

Muffy: Seems like a waste of time.

Biff: We’re already here. Let’s look around. Maybe there’s still a view.

They go inside and look around. It looks nice but the windows look directly on the houses across the street.

Drusilla: I think I found the view!

Muffy: Ooh! Let’s see.

Drusilla: If you look directly out the last window, it lines up with a break in the houses across the street.

Muffy: That is not lake view.

 Biff: What else do you have?

Drusilla: It’s an apartment in town.

Biff: That might be okay. It would be close to everything we might need. Let’s go.

They pull into a parking lot downtown and walk to the apartment. It’s on Main Street, and there are shops up and down the street.

Muffy: It does have a good location. Let’s see what it looks like.

Biff: This is really nice. It has real wood floors and windows all across the front. It gets a lot of light.

Muffy: It has enough space for an office and a game room. I think it has definite possibilities.

Suddenly, there was a crash and the sound of breaking glass. The cats all jumped.

Muffy: What on earth was that?

Drusilla: That’s the downstairs tenant.

Muffy: Are they fighting?

Drusilla: No. The apartment is above a small restaurant.

Muffy: What kind of small resBifftaurant?

Biff (looking at his cell phone): It’s above Dino’s Sports Bar. They’re open until 2 am every night.

Muffy: That’s a definite no for me.

Drusilla: All I have left is an upstairs apartment just north of town.

Biff: We might as well look.

Muffy: This has not been a good day.

Biff: One more place won’t hurt.

Muffy: I guess.

They pull up outside a large house. There is a large bear on the porch. She comes down to meet them.

Bear: Welcome! My name is Chloe, and I own the house.

Drusilla: Hello. These cats are here to look at the apartment. I apologize. I didn’t realize you were a bear. Are you looking for a bear tenant?

Chloe: Not necessarily. My husband is gone, and I have this very large house. I just want some company once in a while. (She looks at Muffy and Biff.) Are you interested in looking at the apartment?

Biff: I don’t mean to be rude. Do you eat cats?

Muffy: Biff! Don’t say that. You’re embarrassing me.

Chloe (laughing): That’s okay. I am a rather large bear. No, I don’t eat cats. I’m pretty much a vegetarian these days. Although I do like fish when I get some. Come inside and look around.

Muffy: You have a beautiful home, Chloe.

Chloe: Thank you. Here are the stairs to the apartment. It also has a private entrance at the back of the house.

She led them upstairs. Muffy and Biff looked around and were speechless. On one side of the apartment was almost entirely glass including a sliding glass door to a balcony. The view was a field and a forest beyond it. There was a full kitchen with plenty of room for entertaining.

Drusilla: What do you think?

Muffy: We want it. when can we move in?

All pictures created by Gemini AI.

24

House Hunting in Cheeseland

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Muffy and Biff had been together for about two years and decided they wanted to move in together. They were making a list of what they were looking for.

Muffy: We need lots of windows for sun puddles.

Biff: And close to shopping. I might need to make a late-night kibble run.

Muffy: Close to our families.

Biff: But not too close.

Muffy: What’s that supposed to mean? I love my family.

Biff: I know. But we want to be independent.

Muffy: Hmmph. It needs to be affordable.

Biff: Do you know what part of town you’d like?

Muffy: Not really. But I’d like to be close to a milk bar. And maybe a yoga studio.

Biff: Okay let’s see what’s available in KittyConnector in our price range.

They found several places that looked like possibilities. They contacted a KittyConnector agent and set up an appointment for the following weekend. They met at her office.

Biff: Hi, we’re Muffy and Biff. We have an appointment with Drusilla.

Drusilla: That’s me. I booked the places you are interested in. Ready to go?

Muffy and Biff followed her out and got into her car.

Drusilla: Let’s start with the furthest place and work our way back to the office. The first stop is the place on Cranberry Lake. It’s a beautiful location. Lots of space and plenty of small animals to keep you entertained.

Muffy: It seems to be taking a lot of time to get there. Are we even in town anymore?

Drusilla: Technically, it is within the town limits. We’re here!

Muffy: There’s no house here. It’s just a barn.

Drusilla: Plenty of cats live in barns. Just look at the view.

Muffy: I am not living in a barn. Let’s move on.

Drusilla: All right. The next stop is an apartment on Willow Road. It’s a high-rise on the river. It’s close to everything and gets excellent reviews from the tenants.

Biff: That sounds better. Let’s check it out.

They took an elevator to the tenth floor, and walked into the available apartment.

Drusilla (reading from a brochure): This place has several really nice features: in-apartment washer and dryer, sunken bathtub, and built-in vacuum system.

Biff and Muffy looked at each other in confusion.

Muffy: Why would a cat want any of those features? A built-in vacuum sounds terrifying.

Drusilla: Those aren’t intended to attract cats.

Biff: So who lives here?

Drusilla: It was built for humans, but anyone can live here.

Biff: How many of the apartments have humans in them?

Drusilla: It says approximately 85%.

Muffy: Let’s get out of here. I’ve been afraid of humans since a small human pulled my tail. Really hard.

Drusilla: Okay. On to the duplex on Maple.

Biff: Sounds good.

They pulled up to a beautiful house with lots of windows. The location was good too. Before they could get out of the car, one of the door opened, and two dogs came out. The dogs were having some sort of fight, with lots of snarling and bared teeth.

Muffy: Who are they? Are they moving out of the flat we’re interested in?

Drusilla: Umm, no. That   is currently empty. The dogs would be your neighbors.

Biff: In the same house? Sharing walls?

Drusilla: That is correct.

Biff: Not interested. What’s next?

Drusilla: The rental on Concord.

They arrived at a big, old house. It was well maintained. Biff and Muffy were hopeful as they got out of the car, and rang the doorbell. A large, fluffy calico opened the door.

Calico: Hello.

Drusilla: Hi. My clients are interested in the space you have for rent.

Calico: Welcome! I’ll show you the room.

Biff: Room? Isn’t it an apartment?

As they walked through the house, they saw a group of cats working on a puzzle in the front room. There were also a few cats in the kitchen.

Calico: No, we don’t have apartments. Everything is communal, except the sleeping quarters. We divide everything else up.

Muffy: So we wouldn’t really have our own space?

Calico: No, we don’t believe in individual property. You would have chores to do for the greater good.

Muffy: That’s just weird. Cats don’t like to share.

Calico: You really don’t seem like a fit for our commune. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Muffy and Biff left the house feeling very dejected. Nothing was even close to what they were looking for. There had to be a better way to find somewhere to live.

Next week: The search continues.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

34

Onyx: Tails from the New Front

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Onyx here. And I have some… interesting… news. My human brought home a kitten.  A little black, white, fluffy ball of terror. She calls him Lightning. So far, he’s better than Thunder. (Thunder is the tabby who looks like a smaller Sgt Stripes.) But barely. She didn’t even ask me. Just disappeared with the cat carrier and came home announcing “Onyx, this is Lightning.”

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No “hey, can we bring this intruder in?”, no extra treats or cuddles, not even extra kibble. But he’s not entirely bad. He’s kind of cute. And he’s less annoying than Thunder. Here’s what the first two weeks of Lightning have been like: 

Week 1:

— A small puffy creature arrives. He smells funny and he squeaks. But he’s cute (not as cute as me). 

–This puff plays with everything- his tail, my tail (not cool!) Thunder’s tail (pretty funny)… wrappers, rubber bands… it’s endless

–He really, really likes Pounce. Not sure how I feel about this. 

–Thunder does NOT like him. Serves her right. Now she sees how it feels to have an annoying little sibling. 

–He’s not litter trained! Horrors of all horrors! How disgusting! 

–He’s  eating my food… but so does Thunder… 

Week 2: 

— I’m starting to like this spunky little puff… he shares the food dish with me! 

–He is litter trained! Miracles do happen! And his litter box is cleaner than the one I share with Thunder. Score! 

–Maybe I don’t like him… he doesn’t understand hisses.  

–Nah, he’s okay.  He also cuddles. 

–Ewww…. he likes swimming in the human litter box… ewww…

–He steals MY human at night!!!! Major strike!!! 

Overall, I rate him a 6/10… pretty high if you ask me. I still think being an only cat would be better, but I prefer him to Thunder. Mom says we’re BFFs but I think she’s full of it. I’m only being nice to him until I get to know him better. 

Notes from the Editors – We apologize for being behind in visiting. We lost both power and the Internet this past week. Additionally, some of your blogs will now only open in Firefox (we have a Chromebook) and some will only open in JetPack (only on our mobile devices).

23

The Gator Family vs The Homeowners’ Association – Conclusion

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Where we are: Uncle Stu Alligator organized a group of animals to go to the Homeowners’ Association (HOA) Board Meeting to protest violations they had received on their lots. He may have been a little too successful. The gathering had frightened the board members into locking the doors and telling the animals that their requests for review had to be put into writing. Disappointed, the animals returned to their homes. If you missed the beginning of the story or the middle of the story, you can catch up here and here.

Stu and Amanda had invited Stan, Adele, and the girls over for a barbecue on Saturday.

Justine: What happened with your protest, Uncle Stu?

Stu: Can you believe we scared the board members so they wouldn’t even let us talk?

Justine: That’s not fair! The last time we were here, they told you that you had to go to the meeting.

Stu: I know that. I think it’s because it’s run by that Erskine Weasel. He won’t even look at me when we’re out at the same time.

Suzy: The board is run by a weasel? Who else is on the board?

Stu: Let’s see. There’s a cow, a goat, a gerbil, and a jackrabbit.

Justine: Uncle Stu, I know that we’re civilized gators and don’t eat our neighbors. But those animals all sound rather delicious.

Stan: Justine! Are you suggesting Uncle Stu eat the board members?

Justine: Not at all. I’m just thinking that a big, strong alligator like Uncle Stu might look threatening to them. Especially when he had all those other animals with him.

Stu: That’s ridiculous. I only eat meat that has been ethically sourced.

Amanda had gone out for the mail.

Amanda: Stu, you might not want to laugh. We just got a letter from the HOA Board.

Stu: What does it say?

Amanda: “Dear Neighbors, After much discussion and thought, the board of the Orchard Bluff Homeowners Association is resigning. In light of the kerfuffle at our most recent board meeting, we do not feel safe being responsible for enforcing the agreed-upon rules. We will be holding an election at the next board meeting. Sincerely, Erskine J Weasel.”

Justine: Wow. He really is a weasel. Someone stands up to him and he runs away.

Amanda: Can they do that? How will we find a new board in less than a month?

Stan: I was looking into the agreement you and Stu signed. It says that board members must give 60 days notice if they resign before their term ends.

Adele: I suppose fear of being eaten is probably considered an extenuating circumstance.

Stu: Who do you suppose will be dumb enough to try and run this place? Oh, well. Time for the food.

It became clear over the next couple of weeks that the only thing the neighbors could agree on was that they hadn’t realized how different they were from each other. They liked each other well enough as neighbors, but they didn’t want anyone telling them what to do with their houses or yards.

The next board meeting was extremely well attended. This time there were no signs or chants, just an edgy group of animals.

Erskine: I now call this meeting to order. Janelle, will you please read the agenda for tonight?

Janelle: There are only two issues on the agenda. First, the acceptance of the current board’s resignations. Second, elect a new board.

Erskine: Very well. We will conduct business by voice vote. All those in favor of accepting the board’s resignations, say “aye.”

There was broad approval.

Erskine: Those opposed.

A few voices were heard.

Erskine: We’ll now open the floor to discussion of the candidates.

Bucky Beaver: I nominate Stu Gator for President of the board.

Stu shook his head vigorously, but no one seemed to notice.

Eddy Black Bear: I agree. Let’s vote.

No one knew if it had been prearranged or not, but Stu won by an overwhelming voice vote.

Stu: I really appreciate it, everyone. But I’m not cut out to run the HOA. I need a list for more than one thing at the supermarket.

Adele nodded. It really didn’t sound like a good idea. But the crowd was sure. They quickly found four other animals to round out the Board.

Stu: Okay. If you insist. Let me talk with the new Board members for a few minutes, and we’ll get things started.

He went into a small room with Ziggy Iguana, Seth Sheepdog, Bucky Beaver, and Talulah Tabby. They emerge a few minutes later, nodding in agreement.

Stu: The Board and I came to a unanimous agreement. We’re throwing out the old agreement. The new agreement is much easier to keep straight. You can do what you want to in your backyard as long as it doesn’t move into your neighbors’ yards. In the front, it’s still no lawn ornaments, no rusting vehicles or vehicles without wheels, and nothing invasive that’s going to be moving to your neighbors’ yards without permission. We’ll be writing it up and sending it out in the next few days.

Voice from the Crowd: What will you guys be doing?

Stu: We really don’t know. We’re going to go through the by-laws and see if there’s still a role for us. If not, we’ll be dissolving the Board. Now let’s all go to Sally’s Sundaes. We can use some of the fees the HOA has been collecting.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

20

The Gator Family vs the Homeowners Association – Part 2

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Where we are: Following an inspection from their Howeowners Association (HOA), Stu and Amanda Gator have received citations for seven violations. Apparently a new board was recently elected, and they want to focus on keeping the subdivision as uniform in appearance as possible. Stu was furious. He talked to some of his friends and neighbors. All of them had complaints.

Josey Black Bear: Did you know they have rules against having dead wood in your yard? We can’t teach our kids how to make a decent den without branches and trunks.

Eddy Black Bear: Yeah. We’re not supposed to dig holes in the yard either.

Stu: Not even your backyard?

Eddy: , That’s what they said. They’re dangerous and detract from the aesthetic of the neighborhood.

Stu: What’s that supposed to mean? It’s a subdivision full of animals. We’re not supposed to act like animals?

Josey: Rumor has it that the new president of the HOA used to live near humans and that’s where he got the idea.

Bucky Beaver: I guess you heard that we have to take down our dams. They’re considered an “eyesore” by the HOA.

Stu: What do they want you to have instead?

Bucky: They suggested we take out a permit to put in a fish pond.

Stu: You guys don’t eat fish, do you?

Bucky: No, we don’t. But it wouldn’t matter if we did. The pond is only for looking at, not for raising food.

A few of the neighborhood ladies stopped by to talk to Stu.

Germaine Gazelle: They told me I’m only allowed to have two colors of flowers in my garden.

Stu: Which two?

Germaine: They don’t care as long as there’s only two.

Cindy Calico: And no flowering shrubs.

Stu: Why not?

Cindy: I’m not sure, but all shrubs need to be green.

Stu: they told me I wasn’t allowed to have more than two.

Cindy: That’s right. One on either side of the door. They don’t want the front to look cluttered.

Pauline Poodle: They are making us paint or side our house a new color. They don’t allow forest green.

Stu: I don’t think they want anything that’s not living to be in green. What colors do they allow?

Pauline: White, beige, and brown. And only red brick.

Jeffy Zebra: And they won’t let me hang the flag from my school anymore either.

Stu decided that they needed to do something. He sent a message to the homeowners’ chat page telling them to meet at his house on Tuesday so they could march to the meeting together.

Amanda: I don’t know, honey. It sounds like the goat might be right. We did sign the paperwork.

Stu: The paperwork was drafted by a human for humans. That weasel in charge is trying to force us to do things that are against our nature.

Amanda: You don’t need to call him names.

Stu: I’m not calling him names. His name is Erskine Weasel. And he used to live with humans. So he has their weird ideas about how we relate to nature. Just because we live in a subdivision like humans do, doesn’t mean we have to act like them. Are you with us or against us?

Amanda: You know I’m always with you.

It was an hour before the meeting, and no one had shown up. Stu was pacing around, getting nervous. Bucky Beaver was the first to arrive, followed by the bears and the cats. By the time they left, there were thirty families represented. As they marched down the street, the waved signs and shouted.

Stu: What do we want?

Animals: Freedom to be animals!

Stu: Whose houses?

Animals: Our houses!

Stu: Whose rules?

Animals: Our rules!

Stu: Who decides?

Animals: We decide!

Erskine Weasel had heard that there might be a few unhappy homeowners at the board meeting. He asked the members to arrive early so they could strategize. The board met for an hour before the start of the meeting. The members were the inspectors Maxine Cow and Effie Goat, as well as Jimmy Gerbil and Janelle Jackrabbit. They were all administrative types, not eager for confrontation. They heard noise outside.

Jimmy: What’s all that noise?

Erskine: Let me see.

He opened the door.

Erskine: Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness gracious.

Maxine: What’s out there?

They all got up to look. They saw a large group of very angry animals coming towards them.

Jimmy: I did not sign up for this. My job is to organize potlucks and bingo.

Janelle: My job is to take notes at meetings.

Maxine: We all agreed to enforce the Homeowners Agreement. We knew there would be some unhappy animals.

Effie: Not this many and not this angry. What are we going to do?

Erskine pushed everyone back inside and locked the door.

Erskine: They need to put their requests in writing. This meeting is now closed-door.

They could hear the angry animals on the other side of the door.

Next week: Will Orchard Bluff become an orderly, uniform subdivision?

Images are AI-generated using Google Gemini