7

Bye Bye Blondie

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Snoops here. We had a very interesting day recently. After Mom left and our human brother left for work, it got really noisy. Sgt Stripes, who spends most of his time upstairs, came running down.

Gypsy: What’s up, Stripes?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know. I was sleeping and started hearing all of this banging and people moving around.

Snoops: No one cleared that much noise with me. Mom knows I need to prepare for any disruptions to my nap schedule.

Angel: Mom’s gone. It’s Blondie and some guy. What are they doing?

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like they’re breaking furniture. Whoa! What happened down here?

Gypsy: What are you talking about?

Sgt Stripes: Have you looked in the front room? It looks like Blondie finally cleaned it up.

Angel: Ooh. Yeah. Everything’s in bags and piled up.

Snoops: There is definitely something going on. We need to find Onyx. It’s her human that’s acting so weird.

Gypsy: There she is. Acting like she owns the kitchen again.

Sgt Stripes: What’s going on, Onyx?

Onyx: All I heard was that we are moving out.

Gypsy: Why are we moving out? I love it here.

Angel: I’m not going anywhere. I need to findhea hiding place.

Snoops: Onyx, are you sure everyone’s moving?

Onyx: I heard them say something about needing to get the bed put together so the small humans have someplace to sleep tonight.

Sgt Stripes: That does sound serious.Maybe you can just hide until they’re gone.

Gypsy: That’s a good idea. We can come back out when they leave.

The cats each find somewhere to get away from the noise and confusion. Eventually, they hear their human brother moving around, and everyone comes out of hiding.

Sgt Stripes: I think it’s safe. Blondie and the strange man are gone. And so is a lot of stuff. C’mon out everyone.

Gypsy: Good. They left without us.

Snoops: That’s okay with me. We’ve gotten used to you. Angel, are you around?

Angel: I am. But I have really bad news.

Gypsy: What’s wrong?

Angel: I saw Blondie put Onyx in a carrier. She’s gone. They’ve split up the Belleville Three.

Sgt Stripes: Well, rats. We were just getting into a good “pounce” rhythm.

Snoops: And she was finally getting socialized to being in a multi-cat household. She was even beginning to join us for breakfast.

Angel: It’s going to be weird without her.

Gypsy: Yeah. Since she started coming to breakfast, Mom has been opening three cans of food in the morning. We’re going to be back to two cans split between us.

Angel: That is bad news.

Sgt Stripes: But more treats to go around.

Snoops: Excellent point. And she really didn’t mingle with any of us.

Sgt Stripes: I think she was getting there. Is she going to be an only cat now?

Angel: I think Blondie said she was going to be reunited with Thunder Cat.

Gypsy: I hope they get along better than they did in our old house.

Sgt Stripes: Thunder Cat is a grey tabby, right?

Gypsy: Yes, she is.

Sgt Stripes: Oh, that’s right. Thunder is a girl, not a handsome mancat like me.

Snoops: She came to visit before you arrived, Sarge. She spent all of her time hiding under the cedar chest.

Gypsy: I forgot about that. Guess I’ll miss Blondie and the boys. But the boys were so loud they really scared me sometimes.

Sgt Stripes: They were excellent at handing out treats. Especially to me when I was upstairs.

The other cats agreed that it was going to be a big change then each went in search of some place to relax and wait for Mom.

 

20

A Gator Family Housewarming

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A New York man's pet alligator was seized after 30 years. Now, he wants Albert back | WUSF

Uncle Stu and Amanda had been married almost a year when they decided to have a party. It was part anniversary party, part housewarming. They were going to live in Amanda’s house in South Carolina so she could be near her grand-gators. Vinny, Stu’s only son, was still single. However, when Vinny and Stu moved all of his things up there was no way it was all going to fit comfortably. So he put it in storage, and they went house-hunting. Now they were having family and friends over to celebrate.

Alligator comes knocking at Florida home

Vinny: I have to admit, you found a good place, Dad. How did you end up here?

Stu: We had to be careful where we bought. There are a lot of nice neighborhoods that are full of humans. Humans are not all nice.

Amanda: You know Stu. He thinks the best of everyone.

Stu: A man asks me if I wanted lunch. Of course, I did. Who doesn’t want lunch? He and his buddy were talking about what a nice shade of green I am.

Justine: That’s weird. Why would they say that? You’re basic alligator green.

Stu: The waiter took me aside and said I needed to leave.

Alligator seen outside Port St. Lucie home causes stir

Justine: What a weird place.

Stu: They were going to make shoes out of me. Remember to always be nice to waiters and other workers. Amanda came and picked me up.

Adele: You have the most interesting adventures, Uncle Stu.

Amanda: Needless to say, we did not end up in that neighborhood.

Close-up of an american alligator hiding in grass and sunning with eyes open, florida, united states | Premium Photo

Stu: It was a lot harder to find a place than I thought it would be. I thought that a place with a nice yard for sunning would be easy to find. But it gets cold up here. Miami is warm all the time. Charleston, not so much.

Amanda: A friend told me about this place.

Adele: it is beautiful.

Amanda: And look at the sun porch. Plenty of room for a whole congregation of us to relax. (Ed. Note: Yes, that’s what a group of alligators is called.)

Granny: Stu, sometimes I worry about you being so far from home. Vinny won’t be around to get you out of scrapes.

Amanda: Stan and Adele are only a few blocks away. We’re hoping that we can keep him from getting into too many scrapes.

Stu: You all talk like I’m incapable of taking care of myself.

Amanda: You’re way too trusting, Stu. Remember how you almost bought a lifetime supply of olive oil because that sales clerk said it would make your skin soft?

Justine: Was that another try at making him into a snack?

Amanda: Thankfully, no. But alligators don’t need soft skin.

Stu: Sometimes it works out. I got a great deal on a hot tub. And what alligator doesn’t love a warm bath.

Amanda: That is true. Especially in the cooler weather.

Vinny: I saw where you guys got snow a while back.

Stu: It wasn’t a problem. It came and went.

Have you ever seen an alligator in the snow? 🐊 📷: Hend Noman

Amanda: He wanted to make a snow gator, but it didn’t last.

Stan: Didn’t learn anything from the frostbite on your trip to Canada?

Stu: Truthfully, I had forgotten about that. Almost lost my tail.

Toucan Fact Sheet | Blog | Nature | PBS

There’s a knock at the door. Amanda leaves to answer it.

Stu: I hope that’s the toucans that I invited.

Vinny: Where did you meet toucans, Dad?

Stu: I was talking to someone at the bus stop and mentioned that we were having a housewarming. She seemed very nice. Big flamingo. I told her to stop by if she’d like.She asked if she could bring a few friends. Some exotic friends. I figured if they were more exotic than a flamingo, they must be toucans.

Alligator appears on doorstep of Florida woman, who then takes photos

Amanda: Stu, why are there half-naked human women at our door?

Stu: I have no idea.

Amanda: You need to handle this.

Vinny: I work at a club in Miami. Let me handle it.

Amanda: Thank you.

Vinny goes out to talk to the humans. He returns a few minutes later, laughing.

Flamingo Fact Sheet | Blog | Nature | PBS

Vinny: Dad, that “flamingo” was a lady dressed up like a bird. She asked you if you wanted exotic dancers at your party.

Suzy: What’s an exotic dancer?

Vinny: They are human dancers who work wearing very little clothing.

Suzy: Why would they think an alligator would want to see almost naked humans?

Justine: Eww.

First an alligator came crashing through her window. Now what?

Stu: She seemed like such a nice flamingo. I thought her friends would be nice too. Were they angry when you told them there had been a misunderstanding?

Vinny: Not at all. They thought there might have been a mistake when an alligator opened the door.

Granny: It looks like you haven’t solved the issues of keeping Stu out of trouble yet.

Floridians Can Party With Alligators Now | TIME.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

18

Emma Rabbit’s Job Hunt – Part 2

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I want to get 2 more rabbits for my 2 girls, any advice for bonding a pair with a pair : r/Rabbits

Where we are: Emma Rabbit is trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to have children.She has been using the Animal Hunter website to find an opening, but the postings she’s been receiving are not rabbit friendly. You can see Part 1 here. he was at lunch with her best friend, Musette, when the topic came up.

Funny rabbit with computer pet on laptop | Premium Photo

Musette: How’s the job hunt going Emma? Are you having any luck finding a new career?

Emma: I’m pretty disappointed. All they send me are carnivore jobs.

Musette: That’s strange. You’re using AnimalHunter, right?

Emma: It’s really the only thing out there that doesn’t charge a fee.

Bunny Yoga: Exercise classes with rabbits raise awareness of abandoned animals | The Independent | The Independent

Musette: I’ve heard really good things about it. What did you put for your job interests and requirements?

Emma: What do you mean by requirements? I put in my personal information and told them that I used to teach aerobics. Isn’t that all you need?

Musette: What did you put in the section about preferred working conditions.

Emma: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

7 Things I Learned About Workplace Culture From Watching Rabbit Videos

Musette: Why don’t you show me what you put in your profile. Maybe I can help you figure out what’s wrong.

Emma pulled up her profile. Musette looked over what was there.

Musette: Why don’t you have anything for your preferred work environment?

Emma: I don’t really care where I work.

Can pet rabbits live outside? – how to keep your bunny safe outside in summer and winter - ExoticDirect

Musette: But, look. You can choose whether you’re inside or outside and whether you want to work with humans.

Emma: I guess I should have at least clicked on it. I want to be outside with no humans.

Musette: Got it. What about the animals classification section?

Emma: I don’t remember seeing that. Is that one of those sections that aren’t required?

Musette: It’s not required, but it helps them find the right type of job for you. They want to know if you’re carnivore or herbivore. Once you put in herbivore, it’s asks you if you would be comfortable working with carnivores or omnivores.

Emma: I think I’d like to work with other herbivores. The smell of meat makes me sick, so I don’t want to work with that either.Kawaii Bunny Cutie Rabbit Cute Bunny

Musette: Okay. The last question is about what species you are. You don’t have to answer it, but it does narrow down the jobs it will send you.

Emma: Okay. You can put down rabbit. I don’t want any more cat jobs.

Musette: Here we go. Let’s see what you get back now.

AnimalHunter has a match for you. Duke and Edna’s Farmers Market is looking for an energetic animal to manage the stalls Friday-Sunday. Must have excellent communication skills and experience with scheduling vendors. Very fast-paced.

Emma: The farmer’s market sounds great, but I don’t think I’m cut out to work with assertive animals.

Wild Rabbit Rabbit Not Feeding Babies Eastern Cottontail Rescuing Baby Bunnies Mother Rabbit Cottontail

AnimalHunter has a match  for you. Mama rabbits, are your kits grown? Miss having little ones around? You can be a live-in nanny. Teach our little ones, feed them, and take them to the park. Room and board with a small living allowance. References will be checked. No friends over while you’re working. Sundays off.

Emma: Nope. If I want more kits, I will have my own.

Puffs the cute bunny goes shopping!

AnimalHunter has a match for you. We’re expanding and have openings for cashiers, stockers, maintenance, and more. Competitive wages and employee discounts.

Emma: Ooh. This might work. It’s not outside, but it’s all herbivores. Let me click “Apply”.

Emma got an interview at Allyson’s. They were so impressed with the way she presented herself that she was hired as the assistant produce inspector. She spends her time deciding whether the vegetables are too wilted to be sold.

Guide to Making Your Rabbit Happy: Tips & Techniques - Planet Pet

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

19

Emma Rabbit’s Job Hunt

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Discount mother bunny Top Sale Cute Rabbit Brown And White Rabbit Mother And Baby Walking In

Emma Rabbit was heading back into the workforce. Before she’d had her kids, she’d been an aerobics instructor. She had enjoyed it, but didn’t really want to work that hard anymore. She was scrolling through the advertisements on the AnimalHunter website and entered her information to see what they might match her with.

How Much Exercise Do Rabbits Need Each Day? — Rabbit Care Tips

She waited nervously to see if they had anything for a returning-to-the-workforce ex-aerobics instructor. It wasn’t long before her phone started pinging.

   

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Receptionist at You and Your Teeth. Looking for an outgoing, friendly self-starter to greet clients and schedule appointments at our all-species denture lab. Must not be intimidated by large mammals with toothaches. Excellent pay and benefits. Free samples.

Emma did think she would do well with grumpy tigers. She was frightened by large domesticated cats when they got angry.

Animal Hunter has found a match for you. Account representative for Iron Butterfly Gyms. Put your outgoing  personality to work for you. Sell memberships to our ever-expanding chain of gyms. Potential to work up to a trainer position. Salary plus commission. Free gym membership included.

Emma wondered what she had put into her account that would make anyone think she would be a good salesperson. She was a typical rabbit, sweet and cuddly. And afraid of most large animals.

A cartoon drawing of a butcher shop with a variety of meats | Premium AI-generated image

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Meat cutter at MegaMart. Requirements: good interpersonal skills, attention to detail, ability to work without close supervision. Join the largest team in the U,S, Competitive wages and benefits for full-time employees. Employee discount from date of hire.

Emma couldn’t click out fast enough. She was definitely not going to work for the human MegaMart Corporation. In the meat department no less. Then she looked at the next four messages.

Annie's Homegrown Sets Bunnies Loose in a Grocery Store for Shamelessly Cute Ad

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Join the MegaMart team in your neighborhood. Full and part-time positions available. Flexible hours all shifts. Cashiers, stocking, floor positions available. Choose which position you want at the location most convenient to you. Join the largest team in the U.S. Competitive wages and benefits for full-time employees. Employee discount from date of hire.

Emma was getting irritatated. Why would AnimalHunter be sending jobs at a human store?   AnimalHunters was supposed to be for animals. Were there really animals desperate enough to work there? Humans were icky. And they smell weird. And make jokes about having you for dinner. NEVER.

40,000+ Cat School Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock | Cat backpack, Otters, Cat exercise

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Pre-School Attendant at Dee’s Kitty Cove. Do you think small cats are totally adorable? Are you looking for a schedule that matches your child’s? Do you enjoy teaching kittens how to be cats? You will love working at the Kitty Cove. Your kittens can attend for free. Must be flexible and willing to work extra hours at short notice. Must have up-to-date rabies and distemper shots.

That would be a good job, thought Emma. IF I WAS A CAT. Jobs in Cheeseland weren’t supposed to be segregated by species. But who was going to be able to teach a kitten how to be a cat if they weren’t a cat. Emma wondered if maybe she could sort by something rabbit-friendly.

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Do you love the water? Are you a natural swimmer? Cheeseland Country Club is looking for swimming instructors and life guards. Must be able to easily swim at least 100 meters and know basic water first-aid to become an instructor. Must be trained in basic water rescue for the lifeguard positions. Skills will be tested at the interview. Get to know the pillars of your community. Pays minimum wage, but the networking possibilities are endless.

Emma quickly clicked past. There must have been some part of the profile that she had missed. Rabbits only swim when they are forced to. Her heavy fur coat was not meant for the water. She had to keep looking.

I was in the middle of cleaning my room when my rabbit decided to claim the dustpan : r/Rabbits

AnimalHunter has found a match for you. Do you want to set your own schedule? Work when it’s convenient for you? Join the Maid4You team. We specialize in cleaning homes and small offices. You can choose which jobs to accept and which to pass by. Initial allowance for the things you’ll need. Then you’re on your own. Bid on the jobs that work for you. You’re a free agent with the recognized name of Maid4You getting the word out for you. Follow our link to sign up.

Emma tried to figure out how this would be a good job for her. Cleaning up other people’s messes with the lowest bidder always getting the work. Her own equipment and transportation. No job security at all. She moved on.

Rabbit Walking | Other Mammals | Animals | Pixoto

After a few more postings, Emma decided to go for a walk. She’d try a new profile tomorrow and see if her luck improved. If not, she could go back to teaching aerobics.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

Emergency Cat Council

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Four of the cats were gathered in the kitchen waiting for breakfast. They knew that Sgt Stripes and Mom would be coming any minute. Then Sgt Stripes appeared, but Mom was nowhere in sight.

Angel: Stripes, where’s Mom?

Gypsy: Everyone knows that we get breakfast between 6:05 and 6:15 every morning that she goes to work.Weekends stink because we have to wait for her to get up. Sometimes I’m half-starved before she gets up.

Sgt Stripes: Our human brother doesn’t have to work today, so she decided to shower before she feeds us.

Onyx: Did you give her permission, Snoops?

Snoops: I certainly did not. Things are all messed up right now. We probably should have an emergency meeting while we wait so we can tell Mom what’s been going on.

Angel: I agree. I don’t mind the later breakfast if the little humans aren’t around. But the later it gets, the more likely it is that they are going to be  romping around while we try to eat.

Gypsy: The dark-haired one scares me. He yells a lot and doesn’t watch where he’s going. He’s almost stepped on me a few times. That’s why I hide by the kibble whenever he’s around.

Onyx: That’s true. He is really loud. And he’s almost stepped on me too.

Sgt Stripes: The other one is better about not stepping on us.

Snoops: But he’s learned a new sound to make. It’s really high-pitched, and it hurts my ears. And he tried to push be back by my face the other day.

Sgt Stripes: Mom shut that down. Just like when he started to grab my tail.

Onyx: Blondie doesn’t let him do that to me either.

Angel: It’s really nice when they’re gone for a couple of days. Much quieter and less confusing.

Snoops: I wonder if there’s some way to make it a little calmer around here.

Gypsy: Maybe we could get them jobs.

Onyx: Doing what? They don’t really have any skills.

Angel: Maybe we could rent them out to wake up humans who sleep through their alarms.

Snoops: They are waking up a lot earlier than they used to. Stripes, would you please ask Mr Google if there are any jobs for waking up humans around the neighborhood?

Sgt Stripes: I’m on it. Are there any other ideas?

Gypsy: Sometimes, they make a lot of noise. Could they be scarecrows and keep birds away from crops?

Snoops: That’s a great idea! There are a couple of farms around here.

Angel: Do you think pet sitters would take them and train them?

Gypsy: If they can train dogs, they should be able to train little humans.

Onyx: That probably costs money. We should keep looking for something that will pay them.

Sgt Stripes: That’s a good point. They’re kind of expensive to have around. It would be nice to tell Mom that the boys can start paying for some of their own kibble.

Snoops: If that doesn’t work, maybe we can put them on PetFinder. I think there’s a section for “Other Animals”.

Onyx: Blondie isn’t going to let someone else have them full-time.

Snoops: Good point. We need to find something they can do while we eat breakfast and do our morning routines.`

Gypsy: Yes. We don’t want to get rid of them. We just want to live and relax in peace.

Sgt Stripes: Mom says it will improve with time. And they’re already better at giving out snacks. The older ones doesn’t throw them at us anymore.

Gypsy: That’s true. I didn’t even have to look for shelter the last time.

Onyx: Okay, Sgt Stripes. You need to find them a job until they grow out of this stage.

Sgt Stripes: I’ll let you know what I find. And Mom is finally here to feed us.

21

Reindeer Spa Day

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All of the post-Christmas cleanup and debriefing was finally done, and Santa was treating his reindeer to a day at the spa. It was a full day of sauna, massage, herbal wraps, and hoof polishing. The spa even offered a full bath if anyone was interested. The reindeer weren’t too sure about the idea. They were alpha-male athletes and didn’t want anyone to get the idea that they were pampered princes.

Reindeer Pulling a Sled · Free Stock Photo

Santa: I booked you all for a day tomorrow at Glinda’s Sauna and Day Spa. Is everyone coming?

Dasher: I don’t know, boss. We’re hard-working pack animals. I’m not sure spas fit with the image.

Comet: What if some kid sees us dripping with seaweed?

Santa: It’s the North Pole. No children live up here.

Ask Dr. Jenn: Facts about Santa's Reindeer

Blitzen: I think it sounds great. We do a really stressful job. We deserve to relax.

The next day, everyone arrive at 9 am.

Glinda: Hello, boys. Welcome to Glinda’s. We have a special day planned for you: sauna, deep muscle massage, seaweed wrap, more sauna, and a quick roll in the snow.

Donner: I think I’ll skip the sauna. I have a lot of fur.

The other reindeer nodded. They didn’t want to ruin the day by passing out in the heat.

Glinda: I hadn’t really thought about the fur. The elves love it. And we occasionally get humans who like it too. Let’s get you ready for your massage.

She led them to a room with a row of tables. Each reindeer laid on a table and closed his eyes. They heard soft music and felt strong hands massaging their backs.

Vixen: Do you guys hear anything?

Dancer: Yes, silly. They’re playing music.

relaxing reindeer

Vixen: No. Like someone moving around.

Dancer: Of course someone’s moving around. We’re getting massages. Just close your eyes and relax.

Vixen: I guess. Maybe I need this more than I thought.

The reindeer were feeling very relaxed. 

Glinda: Okay, everyone. Time for a quick shower before your seaweed wrap.

Prancer: What’s a shower?

Comet: It’s like a bath, but they dump water on you.

Prancer: That sounds extremely unpleasant. I think I’ll skip that.

Glinda: It’s warm water that comes out of a spray. It’s not like having cold water dumped on you.

Surprisingly, the reindeer all enjoyed the shower. 

Glinda: Shake off the excess water and follow me. It’s time for your wraps. Because of the fur, we’re going to use mud and warm towels. You’re going to relax for 45 minutes. Your fur will look amazing.

Watch this deer have the time of his life splashing in the mud 🦌🤣, This is the moment a hidden camera trap caught a happy deer jumping around in a muddy puddle. , Ecological consultant Dr Jochen ...

She led them back to the tables where each reindeer was covered in mud and then wrapped up.They closed their eyes and felt something being gently massaged into their faces.

Blitzen: I was right. This is wonderful.

Dasher: It is rather pleasant.

Vixen: Can you hear it this time?

Two Reindeer With Bells in Snowy Setting, Ready for Christmas 72002863 Stock Video at Vecteezy

Donner: What are you talking about?

Vixen: I think there’s someone in here with us.

Comet: There’s a lot of folks in here.

Vixen: No. someone who isn’t with the staff or with us.

Shaggy deer

Cupid: Just relax and enjoy the feeling.

Vixen: I guess. It just feels weird.

Glinda: Time to unwrap. Let’s see how you look. How do you feel?

Blitzen: I feel great, but I need to get the mud out of my fur.

Watch Deer Roll Around and Experience Their FIrst Snow

Glinda pointed to toward the door, and the reindeer went out and rolled in the snow.

Comet: My fur is so soft.

Prancer: And you look better too.

Glinda: Everyone back into the hoof salon. Time for trimming and buffing.

Soon the reindeer were finished and walked home. Their muscles were relaxed, their fur was silky, and their hooves were trimmed. It had been a good day. That night, Dancer looked at the news. The top story was Exclusive:How Santa’s Reindeer Relax. It was full of pictures of the reindeer with Glinda. Vixen was right: someone had gotten in and taken a lot of pictures.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images and AI

18

Yak Express Returns

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Yak - Wikipedia

Today, we are behind the scenes at Yak Express, as they try to process the overload of post Christmas returns they’re getting.

How to Clean a Cat Tree in 11 Simple Steps - Catster

Borris: “Man, everyone and their grandmother must have bought a Deluxe Kitty Condo: 3 Levels of Pawsome!”

Zack: “Except it’s not so pawsome. This is the 5th one I’ve returned. 

Borris: “I wonder what’s wrong with them?”

Husky takes over cat tree

Zack: “The first one said it wasn’t plush enough. Then one said it smelled like a dog. This one, the color isn’t soothing enough.”

Borris: They were heavy enough to deliver when they were properly packaged. This is just miserable.

Steen: “At least yours is all in solid pieces. I just had an exploding nip mouse explode all over me. It’ll take days to get my hair back to normal again.”

Somebody loves the fuzzy blanket : r/cats

Borris: “Maybe you could hang out with the cats that are returning their kitty condos. It sounds like they need to relax.”

Steen: “And don’t even get me started on the food returns! Mackerel, tuna, liver… all of it smells disgusting. And it comes in those heavy tin cans. 

Zack: “Notice no one is returning the plush blankets or fuzzy robes. Those were easy to travel with- and comfortable.”

Borris: “Come on, I had one returned!”

Steen: “Yeah, because the cat who had it hacked a hairball up and couldn’t get the stain out. That’s disgusting.”

Borris: “I’d say the worst for returning are the soaps and perfumes. The scent always makes me gag. And it lingers on my hooves.”

Zack: “That’s true. No one ordered “grassy fields”. They’re all weird scents, like “vanilla cinnamon” and “lush cotton”

Steen: “It could be worse. I hear some humans like to smell like leather. Who’d want to smell like a cow all the time?”

Borris: “And what about these kitchen appliances! They’re heavy, and my back isn’t as good as it used to be.”

Get your cat exercising more with a cat treadmill

Steen: Or the exercise equipment! Who decided we were returning weights and treadmills?

Borris: “The stupid thing is, it’s not like the manufacturer is going to resell it. We’re doing all of this work just for these items to end up in the trash”.

Steen: “I agree, it’s stupid.”

Herd of yaks walking on the Everest Base Camp Trekking, Nepal

Borris: “And we don’t ever get overtime pay. I vote we go at our own pace. There’s no need to rush this stuff back. 

Zack: Isn’t that why we got complaints about our Christmas deliveries?”

Steen: “Yeah, but everyone just likes to complain. No one knows how hard it truly is working for Yak Express.”

Zack: “This job isn’t for the old, that’s for sure.”

Steen: “Or the pretty. This is wrecking havoc on my hooves and hair.”

Borris: “I vote that next year, we sell our returns to a third party vendor.”

A cat is sitting next to a clock the cat has its paw on the clock the clock is made of metal and has a white face the cat is looking at

Zack: “Definitely. It’ll be worth a little money to save my back.”

Borris: “And don’t even get me started on the late deliveries. We always get the blame, but it’s not our fault they chose not to order in time!”

Steen: “It just keeps coming and coming… it’ll never end.”

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images and ChatGPT

22

Post-Christmas Cat Council

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     The day after Christmas, the cats gathered to discuss the Christmas goings-on. 

 

Snoops: Christmas 2025 seemed to go pretty well.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t see any huge new cat tree. I thought we were supposed to get a new cat tree.

Onyx: I heard them talking. Apparently the little humans got some kind of present called bunk beds. The male human appears to be the only one who can put stuff together and that comes before the cat tree.

Angel: That’s not fair. There’s only two of them and five of us.

Gypsy: Will they make less noise if they get the new beds?

Angel: Ooh. I’d wait for that.

Onyx: What’s a bunk bed?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know. But hopefully, they will stay in it later than the current beds. My morning routine has been ruined. I used to hang out with Mom in the morning on weekends. Now they’re up before I finish my first set of cuddles. And I used to be able to get a couple of rounds of treats. Now, I’m lucky if I get one.

Snoops: You don’t need extra treats, But the fewer cuddles are a problem.

Angel: They come downstairs and make noise too.

Gypsy: Good thing Blondie is still sleeping down here because of her foot surgery. Otherwise, we’d have to deal with them.

Snoops: I’m not sure new beds are the answer. Maybe they should have gotten some kind of snack bar. That one kid is always hungry.

Sgt Stripes: That would have been cool. We could have stored cat snacks in it too.

Onyx: The kid probably would have eaten those too.

Snoops: At least dinner was good.

Angel: Only if you eat human food.

Snoops: It was a big salmon in some kind of pastry. It was delicious. And they had cookies too. I fell asleep afterwards.

Sgt Stripes: They had something called eggnog too. I guess sometimes humans put other stuff in it, but ours was just some kind of cream. Very yummy.

Gypsy: I don’t really like lots of people. I stayed in my new favorite spot – a shelf in the pantry.

Angel: That is pretty sweet. Right above the heat.

Gypsy: It’s the perfect spot. There’s a chain on the door, so the little humans can’t get in. But I didn’t get to see most of Christmas. Did the humans like our presents?

Sgt Stripes: It didn’t turn out quite the way we hoped. It was hard to get on the computer. So we had to just add to the human order. I will say that Snoops did a fine job with our human brother. He got an ultra-plush, ultra-large cotton towel.

Snoops: I tested it after it got opened. It will be purr-fect for catnaps. To be fair, Sarge did a good job with our human sister Blondie. She got a plush robe with cat ears on the hood. Stylish, but really comfortable for laying on.

Gypsy: Sounds pawsome! What did you get Mom?

Snoops: Apparently Onyx didn’t understand the assignment. She got a lamp.

Onyx: What’s wrong with a lamp? It’s two cats that light up.

Angel: There isn’t anyplace for us to lay on.

Onyx: You can wrap around it. The bulb’s at the bottom. It should get warm. And she really likes it.

Angel: I’ll have to do the shopping when it’s time for her birthday.

Snoops: Anyway, that’s over. Now it’s time to choose our tree. I’m thinking that since it’s late, we should get something even better.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. Maybe a place for treats.

Gypsy: I want real wood to sharpen my claws.

Angel: And plush beds.

Sgt Stripes: Time to talk to Mr Google again.

22

A Very Cali Christmas

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Christmas Calico 🎄 : r/cats
Nana Cali has been hosting a family Christmas dinner as long as anyone could remember. She had been doing all the work herself. She always made her family-famous fish stew. There were various kinds of kibble and a creamy eggnog or catnip punch to drink. She welcomed contributions but rarely got them.
It was usually a great time for all involved. But this year things didn’t seem to run as smoothly. It began with the invitations:
Tortoiseshell and calicoes and torbies, oh my! - Way of Cats
Cousin Sally: Nana, you know that I’ve been seeing Richard for months. Why wasn’t he on the chat?
Cousin Ruth: Probably because when he came to the picnic, he spent all of his time complaining about the location and the food.
Cousin Jenny: And he snarfed down enough for a Maine Coon.
Cat On The Phone GIFs | Tenor
(The younger family members had convinced Nana to use a group chat rather than just spreading the word. She was already regretting it.)
Cousin Sally: Well, I’m not coming if he can’t come.
Nana: Sweetie, you’re overreacting. I only sent it to family. There will be plenty of food.
Aunt Gertrude: That reminds me. Can we get something other than fish this year? My Calista really doesn’t like fish.
8 Cats Who Love Fish In Honor Of 'Go Fishing Day' - CatTime
Uncle Dill: You’re welcome to bring whatever you want for her. Mom makes the stew, but she doesn’t mind if others bring additional food.
Aunt Gertrude: Then it’s really not hosting, is it?
Aunt Jess: Do you always have to be so dramatic, Gert? Of course, she’s hosting. It’s at her house. There’s plenty of food and drink. And you’re welcome to bring something more if you want.
Ever seen a cat catching a ride on a pig? 🐷🐱 This is Silo the pig & Opal the cat! Thanks for sharing Jessica Hebert!
Cousin Bruno: Do you know what would be really epic? Let’s get a roast pig!
Cousin Drago: Yeah! That would be the best thing ever!
Nana was very upset. She thought that she had been doing a nice thing, and now it looked like no one was going to be happy. She talked it over with Gramps.
How Do Cats Communicate With Each Other? (It's Complicated.) - Petful
Nana: I think maybe I shouldn’t have the dinner this year.
Gramps: Why not? It’s one of the few times we get to see all of our kids and grandkids.
Nana: They talked me into creating what they call a group chat. No body actually talks to anybody. It seems like they just type whatever they want to in it. I don’t want to make a roast pig.
How this pig and cat became BFFs | story | Kids News
Gramps: A roast pig? Why would you make that? It would be three times as big as you are.
Nana: And they don’t want the fish stew. They want me to make all kinds of other food. I don’t think I want to do it anymore. I think I’m just getting too old.
Gramps read the chat. He was furious. He called their and told them to come over for a family meeting. Soon Gertrude, Dill, Jess, and Moonlight were there. Moonlight didn’t follow the chat and was very confused to see her parents so upset.
What Is a Group of Cats Called?
Gramps: Okay, listen up. Which one of you decided that it would be a good idea to let the entire family weigh in on how Nana does her dinner?
Gertrude: I guess it was me. It’s how the kids make plans, so I thought it would be good for us. It lets everyone contribute to what’s going on.
Gramps: Thanks to your brilliant idea, Nana doesn’t want to do Christmas dinner anymore.
Using Your Smartphone to Keep Your Pet Healthy - The Animal Medical Center
Moonlight: Wait a minute. What? Why?
Nana: Because apparently people are tired of my fish stew. They want more variety. And a roast pig.
Moonlight: That’s ridiculous. I hate social media. Everyone thinks they can say whatever garbage pops into their heads. What idiot suggested a roast pig for a cat family dinner?
How Do I Apologize to My Cat in A Way They Understand? 7 Vet-Approved Ways - Catster
Dill: I think it was my sons. Sorry, Mom. I didn’t realize you’d take them seriously.
Nana: Well, I might not have if Gertrude hadn’t said that I should make something different for Calista. I thought everyone liked my fish stew. I said you were welcome to bring your own dishes if you wanted to.
Jess and Dill glared at Gertrude.
Non-Recognition Aggression Syndrome In Cats - Good Pet Parent
Jess: Tell Dad what you said to that suggestion.
Gertrude looked embarrassed.
Gertrude: I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.
Your Cat Etiquette Guide: What to Keep in Mind If You're Hosting Thanksgiving - Vetstreet | Vetstreet
Gramps: What did you say?
Gertrude: I said it didn’t really sound like hosting if we had to bring our own food.
Gramps: Why would you say that?
Ever get bored and drink with your cat ? This is a chicken Churu flavored Icelandic spring water Meow-tini. I had a vesper on my side. : r/cocktails
Gertrude: I don’t know. It was probably the two niptinis I had. It was a bad day.
Dill: If you’ve messed up our Christmas dinner, Gertrude, you better run because I’m coming after you.
Jess: Yep. It’s the highlight of the holiday season.
Moonlight: You’re not really going to cancel the dinner, are you, Mom?
How to keep your cat from jumping on the table while you're eating - Dr. Marty Becker
Nana: I don’t know. It really hurt to hear that you aren’t happy with it.
Jess: We didn’t say we wanted to change anything. It was just the princess over there.
Gertrude: I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how it sounded. I can make some turkey if you’ll keep the rest of it.
Happy Thanksgiving!! From Maya and her giant turkey leg 🍗 We're so grateful to be a part of such an incredible community, and to get to know all of you!! 💛💛 (For
The cats looked at Nana and waited.
Nana: Okay. I guess it’s back on.
Gramps: And the group chat is off.
Merry Christmas Animated Images Free GIFs | Tenor
Pictures courtesy of Google Images.
17

Cats Christmas Shopping

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Snoops: Hey guys. It’s time to get our presents for the humans.

Sgt Stripes: Why are we getting them presents?

Snoops: It’s almost Christmas. I thought maybe this year we should all get together and get one gift for each human.

Onyx: I think the gift of me should be sufficient.

Gypsy: What’s that supposed to mean?

Angel: You know she’s always on a princess vibe. She probably thinks her mere presence is a gift.

Onyx: Well, I am an emotional support cat. Besides, for the first couple of years I pretty much stayed up in Blondie’s room. Now I’ve joined everyone else downstairs. So the humans can all enjoy the house panther.

Gypsy: You mean chasing the house panther. You’re so clueless you went out on the inside porch and almost got frozen.

Onyx: That little blonde kid let me in.

Snoops: Ladies, let’s focus. I was thinking more of buying something for the humans.

Sgt Stripes: I know how to use Mr Google. I bet he can help us find stuff.

Gypsy: What are we using for money?

Sgt Stripes: I’ve been watching when Mom buys stuff. All she has to do is press a button and stuff comes to the house.

Snoops: Hmm. He’s right. I’ve seen her do it too.

Sgt Stripes: I think Snoops is right. We should get the humans gifts. I was listening to the humans talk. I’m pretty sure they’re getting us something good. Mom said something about extra money and new cat tree.

Angel: Really? That would be great. I could get away from Sgt Stripes when he wants to play pounce.

Snoops: Excellent point. If we’re sitting in a tree, we could swat at him.

Sgt Stripes: Seriously? Why can’t you guys try playing with me? It would be fun. Ask Gypsy. She’s a lot of fun for a girl cat.

Gypsy: Thank you, Sarge. What kind of gifts are you thinking about, Snoops?

Snoops: I have two favorite spots: Chewy and PetSmart. They’re not really pets, so I think we should look at Chewy.

Sgt Stripes: Excellent idea! That’s one of the places that fill in the payment. Let’s ask Mr. Google to take us there.

Angel: They have a lot of choices. How do we know where to start?

Onyx: I know! One of the small humans likes to curl up in that big cat bed upstairs. We can get one for each of them.

Snoops: That sounds like a good idea. What else do they have?

Sgt Stripes: It’s sorted by type of animal. Nothing says humans.

Gypsy: I saw them use kitty litter to get the car unstuck in the snow. Let’s get them some of that.

Snoops: How about a litter mat? Maybe they’ll stop tracking snow inside. I hate stepping on it with bare paws.

Onyx: And maybe some treats. i wonder if they come in lentil. That seems to be a favorite.

Snoops:You’re going to have to look in the dog section. No self-respecting cat would eat those.

Sgt Stripes: I see sweet potato, carrots, and kale.

Angel: That sounds terrible.

Sgt Stripes: There’s one that has super foods in it.

Angel: What’s a super food?

Sgt Stripes: I have no idea. But I think we should get them. Nothing’s too good for our humans.

Snoops: That sounds like a good selection. Let’s do it.

Onyx: I agree.

The other cats nodded.

Gypsy: Now we have to figure out how to get it in the house and hide it until Christmas.