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Keep Your Paws Off My Hedge

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Ian and Janis Hedgehog moved into Commerce Commons about a year ago. It was a small community of hedge-loving creatures: rabbits, small snakes, mice, and a variety of insects.

Coming home one day, Ian saw a notice at the end of the brush pile he called home. It appeared that someone had complained about the “blight” at Commerce Commons and was saying that it had to go. Ian called out to Janis.

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Ian: Janis! Did you see this sign?

Janis: Yes, I did. Isn’t it terrible? We all think it came from a human. I don’t understand why a human would care about our home. No humans live here. And they don’t own the property.

Ian: I don’t know either, but I’m going to get to the bottom of it.

Janis: Everyone is really upset. We’re all going to meet tomorrow night to talk it over. In the meantime, we all have assignments. We’re supposed to find out who this person is who wants to make us move.

Ian: How did we get such a tough assignment?

Janis: That’s a silly question. You’re a researcher at the best law firm around here.

Ian: I guess it won’t be too hard to research a human. Let me see what I can find.

The next evening when Ian came home the Commons was abuzz with angry critters. He had not realized how many beetles and snails lived in “Bug Town” at the other end of the wood pile. There were ground beetles, lady beetles, and tiger beetles. A big fluffy squirrel came up to him and Janis and started talking very fast.

Jess: Hi! My name is Jessica, but you can call me Jess. I organized tonight’s meeting. It’s just awful what they’re trying to do to you. I think it’s a crime. I really do. And who are you? I know I’ve seen you around the yard.

Janis: Hello. I’m Janis, and this is Ian. We live in that space (points to an opening in the branches. I don’t mean to be rude, but why is a squirrel organizing all of this? You don’t live in either the hedge or the brush pile.

Jess: That is an excellent question. I am not at all offended. It does seem that it should be run by one of you, doesn’t it? Truth of the matter is, I saw how upset everyone was and had to do something. I asked who was in charge of the protest, and everyone looked at me like I was off my nut, so to speak.

Ian: Who did you want to protest against?

Jess: Whoever put up that sign. That human, Chester Allen. That’s why I’m so excited you’re here. Phoebe the mouse said you worked for an attorney and might be able to look him up. Did you find anything?

Ian: I did some research and…

Jess (breaking in): Everyone! Hello! Everyone! Come over here. Ian has information about Chester Allen.

The rabbits, mice, voles, reptiles, and insects moved closer and quieted down.

Ian: Hello, everyone. I did find out who Chester Allen is. He works for the local government as a property inspector. He’s the guy who makes sure everyone is following the rules regarding what can and cannot be on the property.

Emma Mouse: Is he a human?

Ian: No, he’s a badger.

Emma: A badger is throwing us out? (She points.) We have a couple of badgers living over there. Lovely animals.

Bob Bunny: And this Hedge has been here for years. We’ve worked very hard to get the brush pile to look this good. Why is it a problem now?

Ian: I thought it was very odd too. So I called a guy I know at Town Hall and asked him to look into it.

Jess: Any luck?

Ian: He says that Chester’s a pretty decent guy, but he likes to take the path of least resistance. Pretty much responds to whoever makes the most noise.

Bob: So, who’s making the noise?

Ian: My guy said he didn’t want to get in trouble, but it was one of our neighbors. A human neighbor.

Jess: I should have known. It’s the jerk who’s putting in the golf course down the road.

Victor Vole: How does he even know we’re here? It’s not like we’re on the main road.

Jess: According to the Squirrel Network, he’s been going around the neighborhood looking for things that don’t meet his approval.

Roxanne Rabbit: I did some research too. That definition of blight doesn’t apply unless the property is owned by humans. All of the land around here belongs to a holding company owned by a confederation of foxes.

Sally Salamander: This is just ridiculous. We need to refuse to move.

Victor: Won’t that be dangerous?

Jess: It might be. Particularly if Chester allows the human onto our property.

Ian: We should talk to Chester and tell him the rules don’t apply to us. He sounds like someone who can be reasonable.

Jess: Maybe you could ask one of your attorneys for advice.

Ian: Let me think everything through before I call.

Next week: Can Chester be reasoned with?

16

June and the Bears’ Camping Trip – Part 3

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Where we are: June Longfur went on a camping trip with her best friends, Ilsa and Heather McBear, and their parents. The first evening went well, but when Mummy and Daddy McBear wake up, the girls are gone. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Mummy: Where could they have gone?

Daddy: I’m sure they’re fine. We’ve taught them how to get around in the woods.

Mummy: What if the humans took them?

Daddy: Do you really think humans could take two bear cubs and a kitten without us hearing?

Mummy: I guess not. Where do you think they are?

Daddy is sniffing around the campsite. He straightens up and points into the woods.

Daddy: They went that way into the woods.

Mummy: I wonder why.

They follow the trail for several minutes before Mummy stops.

Mummy: Do you hear that? To the right.

Daddy listens, then starts to run toward the sound with Mummy right behind him. They finally reach June who is crying inconsolably. Mummy picks her up and cuddles her.

Mummy: What happened, sweetie? Are you okay?

June still can’t talk. Daddy comes back with Ilsa and Heather.

Mummy: Why is June so upset?

Ilsa: She had a really bad night.

Heather: We thought she was going to be bird-napped.

Mummy: Bird-napped?

June: It was awful. I was so scared.

Daddy: What happened? Why were you all the way out here?

June started to cry again.

Heather: We didn’t start out here. June said that she needed to use the litter box, so we went a little way from camp. But as soon as she was finished…

Ilsa: A huge owl swooped down and tried to grab her.

Mummy: Poor kitty. That must have been terrifying.

June nodded and snuggled against Mummy.

Daddy: Why didn’t the owl take her?

Ilsa: We heard it swooping in.

Heather: We remembered what you taught us about defending ourselves.

Ilsa: We stood up on our back legs and got as big as we could. As soon as the owl was close enough, we swatted it from both sides.

Heather: That bird didn’t know what hit it. Before he could recover, we grabbed June and hid in the woods.

Daddy: That was quick thinking, girls. Excellent job!

Heather: Thanks, Daddy!

Daddy: Everyone ready to go back to camp?

The girls all nodded. June clung to Mommy as they walked back. Mummy set June down in her fluffy bed.

Mummy: You girls had a rough night. Why don’t you take a nap while Daddy and I catch breakfast?

Ilsa and Heather slept next to June’s bed. Before they knew it, they were smelling grilled fish.

June: That smells wonderful.

Mummy: Thank you! Are you feeling better?

June: I am! That was very scary, but I feel safe now.

Daddy: Do you want to go home?

Ilsa: Why would she want to leave?

Daddy: I thought she might be scared and want to sleep at home tonight.

June: I want to stay, if it’s not too much trouble. Ilsa and Heather were amazing last night. I’ve never seen a bird that big.

Daddy: Of course, you can stay. Just wake us up if you need to go out in the dark. We’ll keep you safe.

June: I promise.

They took a hike in the woods, then spent the rest of the day at the beach.

Heather: Come in the water, June. It’s nice and warm.

June: I don’t really like water. It makes my fur look weird. And I can’t swim.

Ilsa: We could teach you.

June: No thanks. Water’s not really a cat thing.

Heather: That’s too bad. Let’s build a sandcastle.

Mummy and Daddy were having a lot of fun splashing in the lake. When the castle was done, the girls went to rinse off the sand in the lake. June gingerly put her paws in.

June: That’s not so bad.

Ilsa: You’ll dry off fast in the sun. We can help you fluff up, if you’d like.

The last part of the trip passed quickly. Before she knew it, the McBears were dropping June off at home. June couldn’t stop talking about her great time camping with the bears. Ilsa and Heather became the most popular girls in the class.

(Ed Note – We apologize for not getting around to everyone’s posts this week. We are working through them.)

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

14

Interview with Onyx

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(Ed Note – We know you were expecting the ending to June’s camping trip with the bears. Cat is sick; so Onyx agreed to writing this week’s post. Please come back next week for the conclusion of the story.)

Lightning here! Today, I am going to be interviewing Onyx, whose primary human is Blondie. Since renturning home, Blondie has required a lot of therapaw services from Onyx. I’m sitting down and dissecting a day in the life as the primary emotional support kitty.

Lightning: “Hi, Onyx. Thanks for sitting down with me. Why don’t we start with a general day in the life of…”

Onyx: “Hi, Lightning. My days are pretty strenuous. Blondie wakes up between 6 and 7, so I need to be up nice and early to anticipate her needs.”

Lightning: “That is early. Do you at least get a special breakfast treat?”

Onyx: “Nope. The little humans get food, but they’re much whinier than I am. So I get ignored, aside from the occasional pat.”

Lightning: “What happens after breakfast?”

Onyx: “Well, Blondie hasn’t returned to work yet, although she’s doing that Tuesday. But while she was off work, she would usually drop off the little humans at their school, then come home and nap with me. This is my favorite part of the day. Unfortunately, once she’s back at work, I fear my mid-morning naps with Blondie will be cancelled.”

Lightning: “That sounds nice. So is that all you do? Nap support?”

Onyx: “Not at all! We wake up at 12:30 to have lunch. Still no special treat, but at least the little humans aren’t around wrecking havoc everywhere.” 

Lightning: “Naps and meal duty. Sounds like my kind of job! Do you do any sort of work that involves leaving the realm of being a cat?

Onyx: “Of course! At 1:00 we start something called IOP (Intensive Outpatient Therapy). Or sometimes we meet with her clinicians. 

Lightning: “Ooohhh, that sounds exciting!” 

Onyx: “It really is. I get to be the star of the Zoom call. I get all sorts of awws and accolades. 

Lightning: “So what do you do during these IOP meetings?”

Onyx: “Well, it’s very important that I am physically on Blondie to help manage her anxiety. If I sense a panic attack creeping up, I go into action. I stick my nose in her ear and purr to get her to calm down. She can also hug me and pet me for a tactile distraction. I also provide tech support by making various screens appear on her computer and typing out words that make a lot of sense in Cat, but not so much in Human. 

Lightning: “That sounds strenuous. How long do you have to do this for?”

Onyx: “Well, she has 3 different meetings, one from 1-2, one from 2:15-3, and one from 3:15-4. There are snacks and a break in those missing 15 minutes. I do take advantage of the breaks to use the litter box, eat (since I still don’t get any good treats!), and stretch. 

Lightning: “So you’re in action for a looooong time. How do you avoid napping?”

Onyx: “I don’t. Assuming Blondie’s heart rate and breathing are stable, I happily fall asleep on her keyboard.”

Lightning: “That sounds like a solid plan. What happens when IOP is over?”

Onyx: “Unfortunately, it’s time to pick up the mini humans. They’re really loud. I don’t like loud. So I hide out in my cubby until Blondie replenishes the kibble.”

Lightning: “All of that work, and still no special treats?”

Onyx: “Nope.”

Lightning: “She needs to realize how lucky she is to have you.”

Onyx: “I agree! I do everything for her. I love her, but her lack of gratitude is wearing thin.”

Lightning: “Maybe you need to take a day or two off. Show her what she’s really missing. 

Onyx: “You know, that’s not a bad idea. I might take that one up!” 

Lightning: “Thanks for the interview, Onyx”. 

Onyx: “Any time, Lightning.”

24

June and the Bears’ Camping Trip – Part 2

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Where we are: Ilsa and Heather McBear have invited their kitten friend June on a family camping weekend in the woods. You can read the beginning of the story here. About 4p on Friday, June Longfur hear a car pull into the driveway.

(Not sure where the extra cub came from)

June: Papa! They’re here! Bring my stuff, please!

Papa comes into the room with a large bag. He opens the door and waves to Daddy McBear. June runs past him to the car.

Ilsa: Daddy! Daddy! Open the door so June can get in.

Angus McBear gets out of the car and opens the door to the back seat. June jumps in, and they start chattering as if they hadn’t left school together an hour before. Matilda McBear smiles at them from the front seat. Angus turns to Papa Longfur.

Daddy: Here, let me take that from you. Oof. What’s in there, bricks?

Papa: I’m sorry. I know that you said you’d take care of everything except June’s bed. But my wife was concerned that cats are really different from bears, and you wouldn’t know how to feed her or keep her busy all the time. This is a huge improvement from where we started. She originally had two bigger bags packed.

Daddy McBear laughed as he threw the bag in the back.

Daddy: Don’t worry. June will be safe with us. We’ll be back before dinner on Sunday.

Papa: Have fun, Princess. Be sure you listen to the McBears.

June: Bye, Papa! I’ll see you Sunday!

They arrived at the campsite around dinnertime. June had never seen so many trees. She wasn’t sure she liked the forest, but she tried to be brave.

Mummy: Why don’t you girls go explore while Daddy and I set up the camp. Since we don’t have any fish yet, I’m making burgers. How would you like yours, June?

June looked confused and didn’t say anything.

Ilsa: She means, do you eat meat raw or cooked?

June: Mama says that raw meat is for feral cats. May I have it cooked?

Mummy: Of course, sweetie. We can eat it either way. Ilsa, Heather – show June how we collect wood, please.

They grabbed a cloth from the trunk and run toward the wood. June races after them. They stop after a few minutes.

Heather: This looks like a good place.

They spread out the cloth and start putting sticks in it. June watches them.

June: I don’t think I can help. I need all of my paws for standing.

Heather: That’s okay. You can look for sticks and stand by them.

It didn’t take long to fill the cloth with sticks. Each cub grabbed two corners to hold the sticks in place.

Ilsa: Want a ride, June?

June: I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll make it too heavy.

Heather: No, you won’t. We’re strong.

June jumped on and rode back to camp like royalty. Mummy and Daddy laughed when they saw her.

Daddy: That’s one way to make sure she didn’t get lost.

June jumped down and looked around. There was a fire pit and shelter. A large basket held food. Fishing supplies were propped against a tree. The back of the car was open, and June could see more food. It looked like mainly snacks. She could see her fluffy bed under the shelter.

June: I thought you were supposed to hang your food from trees when you camp?

The bears looked at each other.

Daddy: Do you know why they say that?

June: I guess it stays fresher that way with no refrigerator.

The bears relaxed and laughed.

Mummy: No, that’s a human thing. They think bears won’t touch their food if they hang it up.

June: I thought you guys could climb trees.

Ilsa: We can. Since the humans are in our space, some bears think they have a right to the humans’ food.

Heather: I don’t really like it unless it’s berries or something.

Daddy: Don’t worry, June. Our food is safe; even your kitty kibble.

Dinner was delicious. The McBears put some kind of honey sauce on their burgers. June tried some, but it stuck to her paws and face. Definitely not cat-friendly. Soon it was getting dark.

Daddy: Who wants a marshmallow roasted?

Heather: I do!

Isla: I do!

Daddy: How about you, June?

June: What’s a marshmallow?

Heather: It’s a white cube kinda thing. They’re really sweet. Bears love them.

Isla: And raccoons.

June: I don’t really like sweet things.

Heather: You can try a bite of mine.

She took a bite and handed the rest to June. June tried to bite it, but it got in here long fur. Why did bears eat so many sticky things?

June: Ugh. Thanks, but I’ll just watch.

The bears and June sat around the fire telling scary stories. June didn’t get scared. She was sure the bears would protect her. Besides, she really didn’t understand a lot of the stories. They were mainly about humans, and she didn’t know any humans.

Daddy: Okay. We’ve all had a long day. Time for bed.

The bears all chose spots under the shelter. Everyone else slept on the ground, but June was happy in her fluffy bed between the girls. They were a short distance from the adult bears.

Mummy woke up when the sun rose. She poked Daddy to get him up too. They needed to fish for breakfast. As they walked past the girls, Mummy looked over. No one was there.

Mummy: They’re gone! My babies are gone! Humans must have taken them. What should we do?

Daddy: I doubt humans took them.

Mummy: They’re so cute! Of course, humans took them. They always grab cute animals.

Daddy: Matilda, calm down. We need to look around. They probably just wandered off.

Next week: Where did they go?

All pictures generated with Gemi

14

June and the Bears’ Camping Trip

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The McBear family had moved into a quiet, mixed-species neighborhood the previous year. Angus T McBear was a large, friendly black bear. However, his size had caused some discomfort at first.

He and his wife Matilda had enrolled their daughters, Ilsa and Heather in the local school. Being the only bears in the school, it took a while for the other animals to become friendly. The one exception was June Longfur. She had a plush Teddy Bear that she loved, and wanted to get to know the “real teddy bears” in her class.

Within a few weeks, the three friends were inseparable at school. They all loved the fish sticks in the cafeteria. They ran around and played hide-and-seek at lunch and recess. Junes’s cat friends were still afraid of the bears, but they let Ilsa and Heather sit at their table.

One morning Ilsa and Heather came to school very excited.

Ilsa: June! June!

Heather: Guess what? We have something to tell you, and it’s totally pawsome!

 

The bear cubs started talking over each other. June was having trouble understanding what either one was saying. Finally, they slowed down.

Heather: “… and Daddy said we could invite you!

June: Invite me to what?

Ilsa: Our next camping weekend. It’s going to be so much fun!

June: What’s camping? Is it a bear thing?

Ilsa and Heather looked at each other. It hadn’t occurred to them that cats might not camp.

Heather: Don’t cats go out into the woods and sleep outside?

Ilsa: And swim and fish and explore?

June: I don’t think so. None of my friends do. I think cats go for more spa-like vacations. You know, lying on the beach or something.

Ilsa: You should try camping. It’s a lot of fun. And it’s the first time Daddy has let us invite anyone.

June: It does sound like fun, but I’ll have to ask my parents.

That evening, June asked her parents if they had ever gone camping.

Mama: You mean go sleep in the open where all the uncivilized animals are?

Papa: It’s not really a cat thing. If I can sleep in a bed in a nice house, why wouldn’t I?

June: Ilsa and Heather said it’s a lot of fun. They get to catch their own fish.

Mama: Ilsa and Heather? Aren’t those the bears that moved in a few months ago?

June: Yes. They’re like real, living teddy bears. They’re my best friends. And they asked me to go camping with them.

Mama: I don’t think that’s a good idea. We don’t really know anything about them. Maybe they’re setting a trap so they can eat you.

June: Papa, tell her they’re not going to eat me. They’re black bears. They don’t eat cats.

Papa: That’s generally true. But we don’t know what they’d do if they were starving.

June: They’re not starving. They live in our neighborhood.

Mama: You’re probably right. I was walking past their house a few days ago. They look like they’re already getting ready for hibernation, if you know what I mean.

June: Mama! That’s just what healthy bears look like. May I go? It’s only one weekend.

Papa: We need to meet these bears. I’m not letting anyone have my princess if I don’t know them.

Mama: Let’s go over there now. They won’t be able to trick us if we surprise them.

The McBears live a few streets over. Mama and Papa spend the travel time imagining how uncivilized their house would be inside. The outside looked nice. Papa knocked on the door.

Angus: Hello. May I help you?

Papa: I’m Jonathan Longfur and this is my wife Cybal. We’re June’s parents. She’s a friend of your daughters.

Angus: Pleased to meet you. I’m glad we finally get to meet the marvelous June. The girls can’t stop talking about her.

Angus turns around and yells.

Angus: Ilsa! Heather! Guess who came to visit.

The girls came running out. June is overwhelmed by a group hug. Angus turns to her parents.

Angus: Please excuse my manners The girls have been having trouble making friends in their new school, and June has been extremely kind. You have no idea how excited the girls are to have her join us in the woods. Won’t you please come in?

Mama and Papa look at each other. This was not the reception they were expecting. The front room was immaculate. The furniture was bear-sized, but otherwise perfectly normal. A bear appeared from the kitchen with a tray.

Matilda: Hello. I’m Matilda, the girls’ mother. I hope you like catmint tea. Heather insisted I get it in case you came over. I have honey from my hives too, if you’d like some.

Mama: That is so kind. Thank you. I’m Cybal by the way. Your house is lovely.

Matilda: Thank you. It’s so nice of you to stop by. It seems that some of our neighbors are afraid of us. One little hedgehog told Ilsa that her mother wouldn’t let her play with them because the mother was afraid we might eat her. Can you imagine?

Mama: I guess animals might be afraid of what they don’t know.

Papa: Speaking of which – we don’t know the first thing about camping. Will June be safe? Are there predators out there that might hurt her?

Angus: Speaking as a rather large bear, I’ve never had a problem. I promise that I will not let anything happen to June.

Mama and Papa looked at each other.

Papa: Then you can count her in. Let us know what we should send with her.

The girls had been listening from a corner of the room. They started yelling and dancing.

All pictures were generated by Gemini AI.

17

Cheeseland Day Camp – Parents Day

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The campers at Camp Muckamac had been working hard all week getting their skits ready for their parents The plan was for the parents to arrive after lunch on Friday and take the young animals home after the program.

It’s finally Friday, and everyone is very excited. There was a hike in the morning followed by cleaning. Finally, it was time for the skits. They always held the end-of-camp gathering in the Chow Hall in case of bad weather.

Ms Kimmy: Hello, everyone! In case I haven’t met anyone, I’m Ms Kimmy, director of Camp Muckamac. I’ve had the pleasure of being with your children for the past two weeks, and I’ve really had a good time. We didn’t have to send anyone home for not following the rules, and there were no major medical emergencies.

The parents applauded. The campers, who were sorted into their skit groups, looked at Ms Cate. They were waiting for the signal that it was time to start.

Ms Cate (whispering): Not yet. She needs to introduce the counselors first.

All of the counselors, except Ms Cate, lined up behind Ms Kimmy. Ms Kimmy introduced them one-by-one to continued applause. After they were introduced, they went back to the campers.

Ms Kimmy: Now it’s time for our program. Let’s give a big welcome to the first group: Mr Arthur and Forest Safety.

Two young raccoons run in with a banner saying, “Forest Safety.” They stand at the back of the stage. A kitten and a guinea pic walk onto the stage. They take turns reading from a paper.

Kitten: The forest is a wonderful, magical place, but you need to respect it.

Guinea Pig: Yes, you should always pay attention to where you are.

A group of young animals run onto the stage and stop. They start looking around.

Puppy: Do you guys know where we are?

Goat: Not really. We made a lot of turns.

Lamb: It’s kind of dark in here. I don’t like it. I want to go home.

Groundhog: Me too. I’m getting hungry.

Puppy: Should we blow the whistle?

Bear Cub: Don’t be a loser. We’re not lost. I live around here.

Hedgehog: So, which way do we go?

Bear Cub (pointing): That way.

A couple of minutes later.

Bear Cub: I don’t think this is right.

Kitten: I’m hungry.

Bear Cub: Just eat some berries.

Puppy: Wait a minute. Are those safe to eat?

Kitten: I don’t think so. Besides, cats don’t eat berries.

Puppy: That’s it. I’m blowing the whistle.

Two rabbits come out with an easel saying to always know where you are, don’t eat anything you don’t know, and bring something to help others find you if you get lost.

The audience applauded. The young animals bow, collect a few flowers that were thrown, and run off the stage.

Two young wolves run in with a banner saying, “Forest Foods and Medicine.” They stand at the back of the stage. Two meerkats walk on stage with a piece of paper. Mr Joseph stands at the side of the stage.

Meerkat 1: The last group talked about being safe in the forest. We agree you shouldn’t be careless.

Meerkat 2: But if you study the forest, it’s full of tasty things and things that can make you feel better.

A group of young animals come out dressed to forage.

Young Goat: First, you need to know what is dangerous to your species.

Puppy: We can’t eat onions or garlic.

Kitten: Us either.

Bear Cub: But for me wild leeks are delicious.

Young Goat: Pretty much anyone can eat dandelions.

Groundhog: And you can eat almost all of it. Starting with the leaves. They make a delicious salad.

Hedgehog: Did you know you can make wine from the flowers and a hot drink from the roots?

Capybara: You can add broadleaf plantain to your salad or cook them for a side dish.

Lamb: Ostrich Fern can be added to the salad or cooked too. I wonder if anyone cooks them with Broadleaf Plantain.

Bear Cub: Don’t forget wild berries. They are delicious!

Alpaca: Broadleaf Plantain can be used as a poultice for wounds and insect bites.

Kitten: Yarrow can be used for wounds and fevers. It’s not poisonous, but don’t eat too much.

Gopher: We can’t forget all the mushrooms that are safe to eat: morels, chanterelle, hen-of-the-woods, oyster, golden oyster, chicken-of-the-woods, and giant puffball.

A puppy walks in with a sign, “Know what you are eating.”

Kitten: That’s all for us. But we want to invite Mr Joseph out here for a surprise.

Mr Joseph had been whispering with Ms Cate at the side of the stage. Her group was going to do a skit about the Teddy Bears’ Picnic as soon as the current skit was over. Mr Joseph walked out onto the stage.

Kitten: We didn’t know how much Mr Joseph knew about native plants. We had a really good idea, and he helped us do it.

Everyone clapped although no one understood what was going on. The group left the stage. Two young foxes walked out with a banner the said, “Teddy Bears Picnic.” The stood at the back of the stage. A badger walked out and read from a piece of paper.

Badger: There is a song called “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.” We thought it would be fund to do a skit about a picnic.

A group of small animals came onto the stage carrying picnic baskets and blankets. They spread the blankets on the ground and started to open the picnic baskets.

Lamb: What food did we bring on our picnic, Mama?

Sheep: I’m not sure. I didn’t pack it.

The audience laughed.

Squirrel: That’s weird. My basket is empty.

Ms Cate was not amused. They had rehearsed an entire skit that was not centered on food.

Voice from Offstage: Hello? Hello? Did someone order picnic food? I have an order for a party of teddy bears.

Bear Cub: I didn’t order any food, but I’m a bear.

Voice: That’s good enough for me.

Suddenly, the stage was full of small animals carrying salads, bowls of berries, pots of honey, and other foods. Ms Cate was very confused. Mr. Joseph explained what was happening.

Mr Joseph: The kitten in my group is friends with the kitten in your group. Some of the older campers thought it would be funny to see what happened if they switched up the skit. Sort of a senior prank. The others didn’t agree. My group wanted to help, so they asked if we could actually gather what we were talking about.

Ms Cate: They did an amazing job.

Kitten: Ms Cate, would you please come out.

Ms Cate walked out, trying to avoid the munching animals. There was a group of animals holding bouquets of catnip.

Kitten: We all wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for our program.

They handed her the bouquets, and Ms Cate walked offstaghe.

Ms Kimmy: I’m not happy that a few campers decided to change things around without telling anyone, but all’s well that ends well. It looks like there is still a lot of food if anyone wants some.

Ed Note: The plants referenced are native to Michigan forests.

21

Cheeseland Day Camp – Week 2

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Everyone made it through the first week of day camp. The campers made sand castles and sand candles. They had learned camp songs and how to tie knots. They had been on hikes in the woods and learned how to make simple shelters.

The session on forest plants had been a little rough. No matter how many times the leaders said, “Look but don’t touch.” someone always tried to touch. It wasn’t too bad, except when Felice (a Golden Retriever) got a poison ivy rash on her muzzle. Her brother said she had too much fur to worry about that. He was wrong.

There was also Julius (a bear cub) who ate some nightshade berries because he thought they were a different kind of blueberry. Luckily someone saw him do it and stopped him before he ate them all. He had a very uncomfortable afternoon but was fine by the time his mother picked him up.

 

On the second Monday of camp, everyone was gathered in the Chow Hall.

Ms Kimmy: Welcome back to Camp Muckamac. I’m glad to see you all again. I think we had a very good first week. Did your parents like the crafts we sent home?

Joachim: My mom says we need to use better glue. My macaroni heart fell apart as soon as we got home and some birds ate it.

Ms Kimmy: That is unfortunate.

Kenzie: My sister really liked the friendship bracelet I made for her. Unfortunately, the dumb dog that lives next door got it and ate it. Then he got sick and threw it up.

Benny: Maybe dogs aren’t dumb. Maybe cats are dumb for leaving their stuff laying around.

Kenzie: I didn’t say dogs are dumb. I said that dog is dumb. But I do think dogs are dumber than cats.

Benny: They are not. Dogs are smarter than everyone.

Petunia: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Pigs are smarter than both of you.

Ms Kimmy: Okay. That’s enough. Let’s keep things moving. I want to talk about Parents Day at the end of the week. We have something special planned that we are going to work on every afternoon. Ms. Cate has some very special talents that she is going to share with you. She has experience in the theater.

Ms Cate: Hello everyone. We thought it would be fun to put on a couple of skits for your parents.

Ms Kimmy: Doesn’t that sounds like fun?

The young animals look at each other. Finally, a small voice speaks up.

Nikki: Ms Kimmy, what’s a skit?

Ms Cate: Skits are like short plays, and they are usually not too serious. I was thinking about dividing you up into three groups. The first group will be led by Mr Arthur, and it would be about forest safety. The second group will be led by Mr Joseph and would be about what kinds of foods and medicines are in the forest. I will lead the third group. I have two ideas: either what happens when you don’t communicate on a walk through the forest or something to do with The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.

Campers (very loudly): The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.

Kimmy (whispering to Mr Joseph): Did she really think they wouldn’t take teddy bears?

Ms Cate: Okay! We have our skits. Let’s divide you up into groups.

Ms Cate stayed at the front of the room. Mr Arthur and Mr Joseph each took one of the back corners. The other camp counselors were split between the groups The campers were split into three groups.

Ms Kimmy: Okay, everyone. Take a few minutes to discuss your skit before we get started on today’s activity. We’re going to learn how to not get lost in the woods.

An Adult Voice: We probably should have done that last Monday. It would have saved campers getting lost on the way to the latrine.

In one corner:

Mr Arthur: Hello, campers. We are going to act out what happens when someone breaks a safety rule. Any ideas?

Charmaine: I know! Don’t touch anything you can’t identify.

Jillian: Don’t eat anything you can’t identify.

Max: If you’re in a strange place, don’t wander off alone.

Steve: Don’t go in the water by yourself.

Mr Arthur: Those are all excellent points. We can start working on them right after lunch.

In another corner.

Mr Joseph: What are some of the things in the forest that are good to eat?

Helene: Berries!

Jackson: Mushrooms!

Clive: Insects!

Mr Joseph: That’s very good. And there are also many kinds of plants that you can use for a stomachache, a headache or other problems. We can talk about it more this afternoon.

At the front of the room. 

Ms Cate: I was thinking that we could put on a little play about the teddy bears getting ready to go on their picnic.

Hazel: What kind of food will we have?

Ms Cate: This is make-believe. There won’t be any real food.

Maria: It won’t be a picnic if there isn’t real food.

Ms Cate: It isn’t really about food. It’s about the teddy bears going out and having fun while the humans are busy.

Maria: How can they have fun if there isn’t any food?

Jesse: We definitely need food. What kinds of games are we going to play?

Ms Cate: We’re not going to play real games. It’s not a real picnic. We’re just pretending so your parents can see how much fun you’re having at Camp Muckamac.

Maria: It won’t be any fun if there are any food or games.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

25

Cheeseland Day Camp

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Cheeseland Day Camp was a summer tradition that parents looked forward to every summer. For two weeks, they could look forward to having the days to themselves. Every morning, buses picked up the campers from several drop-off locations and took them to Camp Muckamac for a variety of activities.

The campers were divided by age, and each age group had a leader and a co-leader with several volunteer assistants for each activity. Today is Paint Day. Ms Cate is the leader for the youngest group with Mr Arthur as the co-leader. Three young otters are volunteering: Heather, Suzy, and Emma.The otters meet the bus when it arrives at camp.

Emma: Good morning! Over here, Team Green campers.

A few of the campers go to their assigned color, but most of the small animals continue chatting with their friends. Finally, Ms Kimmy, the Director of the camp, blows a whistle.

Ms Kimmy: Listen up campers! We have a big day ahead of us. e, not all going to be painting today. Please go to your assigned color pole

There are four color poles segregated by age: green, blue, yellow, and red.The assigned color was on each camper’s name tag. It was an unfortunate choice for identification. Some of the animals had trouble distinguishing colors. Someone had chosen the tags online, not realizing it was a human site..

Jasper: Ms Kimmy, my mother said that I couldn’t make a mess. She said I couldn’t do the painting. What else can I do?

Ms Kimmy: Every camper had to have their parent sign the same form. If a camper is not allowed to participate in an activity, it is their responsibility to bring something to do. Or the camper can miss that day.

Mimi (Jasper’s twin): My mom says that’s your responsibility. She’s paying good money to have us here, and you have to find something for us to do.

Ms Kimmy: How many other campers won’t be able to paint today?

She looked around. No one else raised their hand.

Ms. Kimmy: Okay, Jasper and Mimi. You can stay in the meal hall and color. We don’t have the money for two sets of activities.

Jasper: All day? That sounds really boring.

Mimi: Yeah. Can’t we watch TV?

Ms Kimmy: I’m afraid not. I’m not sure why that’s here. There is no signal at Camp Muckamac. Maybe the cook can find something you can help with.

The cook and her assistant glare at Ms Kimmy

Ms Kimmy: Or maybe not.

Jasper: We don’t want to be free help anyway.

Ms Kimmy, Jasper, and Mimi head for the meal hall. Everyone else goes to their place at camp.

Ms Cate: Okay, campers. Find a seat at the table. We’ve placed brushes and paper at each seat. Put on the smock on the seat

Antwan: What’s a smock?

Mr Arthur: It’s like a shirt.

Heather: It keeps the paint off your fur,

Celia: What if I want to paint my fur?

Mr Arthur: Unless you have a signed letter from a parent saying you can paint your fur, you’re not allowed to do it.

Zak: That’s not fair. They didn’t say I couldn’t do it.

Mr Arthur: Sorry, buddy. Rules are rules.

Delilah: I can’t put this on.

Suzy: It’s pretty easy. Just put the loop at the top over your head.

Delilah: I want help. It’s all twisted.

The leaders looked at their campers. A couple had figured it out and even snapped it closed, but several were struggling.

Ms Cate: Let’s get you all situated here so we can get started.

Soon everyone was sitting at the table, ready to go and chattering.

Ms Cate: Okay, everybody. Have you all thought of something to paint?

The small animals nodded.

Ms Cate: That’s great! We have three pots of each color, so we’ll need to share. Everyone will pick one color to start with. When you are done with that color, you can take your next color. Mr Arthur, Heather, Suzy, and I will be walking around if you need help.

After some minor disagreements, everyone has their first color.

Vince: Ms Cate, I want to paint my house, so I need the blue to start. I got stuck with brown.

Ms Cate: There must be something in your picture that is brown. What do you mean stuck? There are plenty of other colors available.

Vince: But I want blue.

Mr Arthur: Then you’ll need to wait until someone is done with it.

Mr Arthur turned around to say something to Ms Cate, when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Emma was leaning across the table for a pot of paint.

Emma: No! Don’t do that!

Josh was tipping a pot of red paint onto the table.

Emma: Why are you doing that?

Josh: I want to paw-paint. It will be amazing!

Emma: We’re not paw-painting today. We’re brush painting.

Josh: That’s no fun.

Emma: We don’t want to send you home with red fur.

The painting progressed well until Mr Arthur saw a small lamb crying.

Bethany: I couldn’t find the green paint, so I painted the leaves on my bushes yellow. Now everyone’s laughing at me.

Mr Arthur: They’re wrong, Bethany. You can paint the leaves whatever color you want. (Louder) Campers, quiet down. I want to show everyone Bethany’s beautiful picture. It’s a house with yellow bushes in front of it.

Clara: Leaves are green, not yellow.

Ms Cate: Actually some bushes do have yellow leaves. And some green leaves turn yellow in the fall here in Michigan. That doesn’t really matter, anyway. Bethany can paint things whatever color she chooses. It’s a lovely picture, Bethany.

Bethany: Thank you Ms Cate.

A bell rang in the distance.

Mr Arthur: Who knows what that means?

Everyone: Lunch time!

Ms Cate: Leave your paintings here, and go with the girls.

The campers ran off with Heather, Suzy, and Emma. Ms Cate and Mr Arthur cleaned up the table and got ready for the afternoon.

All pictures were generated by Gemini AI.

22

Introducing Lightening Kat

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Hi all! It’s Lightning, here for my first blog post! Unfortunately, it has been a bit of a bumpy road. One of my two big humans has abandoned me! Blondie has been admitted into some sort of long term care facility for an “eating disorder “. I’m not really sure what that means; maybe she didn’t have enough prey to hunt? All I know is, she’s been gone for a really long time. And I miss her.

There are only 4 servants to pamper me as it is, and now I’m down to three. And two of the three don’t really count, as they’re human kittens and can’t reach the treat box to spoil me with extra treats. So that leaves one human. And both Onyx and Thunder think he should pay attention to them. So here I am, all alone and abandoned.

But it’s really Blondie who’s been missing out! While she’s been gone, I’ve become a master at Pounce (much to Onyx’s chagrin). I also graduated from kitten chow to adult kibble (this wasn’t really something she planned on. I was supposed to stay on kitten chow for six to twelve months. But the big kitties have endless kibble, so I decided to advocate for myself and start eating theirs. It’s really yummy). I’m also getting really long. I’m going to be a big kitty when I grow up! 

There are some things I miss about her. Like I mentioned above, I’m down to one human (although the younger of the two human kittens is my buddy). This means less cuddles, especially at bedtime, when Thunder steals the big human. I also don’t get nearly enough pets and cuddles with her gone. Our food and treats are not continually full. And I don’t have a constant stream of attention focused solely on me.

But she’s missing out on more. Like seeing me grow, or me learning how to hunt (I’m really good at getting jingly balls and the red dot). And she’s missing cuddles before it gets too hot. If I had known I was coming into a sick household, I would have asserted claim over the remaining big human. Or I would have sat on her for a really long time so she couldn’t leave. But no one warned me, and now I’m down a human. But that’s okay, I’ll just train the little one. 

The other cats are pretty cool. I love playing Pounce with Onyx! She hisses and growls at me, but still engages in the game. Thunder is less fun to play with; she always hides under the bed. But luckily we both fit under there, so she can still play with me! They can also thank me for getting an additional litter box; now there are bathroom options throughout the apartment. 

They haven’t been great about my missing human; Onyx says she does this a lot, and Thunder offered no advice on how to get her to come home. Maybe I’ll leave a trail of treats leading to our apartment. I miss her. As you can see, my life is pretty stressful without a human! I guess I’ll have to get started on that treat trail in the hope it brings her home. 

25

And Now…A Word from the Cats

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The lady cats decided they needed to talk to Sgt Stripes. Since Gypsy is only one who really gets along with him, she started.

Gypsy: Hey, Stripes. How’s it going?

Sgt Stripes: Not bad. How about you?

Gypsy: We were all wondering why you were getting so much more time in the blog than we are.

Sgt Stripes: Probably because I work in Cheeseland rather than lying around in the sun all day.

Snoops: Everyone knows you only got that job because you’re a tabby.

Sgt Stripes: Tabbies do kinda rock.

Angel: Don’t let it go to your head.

Gypsy: You did do a good job with the Mayor. He sounds exhausting.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. I’m guessing he’ll be out the door before too long.

Gypsy: Are you going to be his new Chief of Staff?

Sgt Stripes: Not a chance. I need to concentrate on the home front for a bit.

Angel: What’s wrong here?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t want to point a paw at anyone, but the dynamic has shifted a bit in the last few weeks.

Snoops: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes hesitated.

Gypsy: You know what’s going on. You’re at the center of it.

Angel: What are you two talking about?

Gypsy: After the boys left, we had a pretty good dynamic. You and Snoops had the first floor, I had the second floor, and Sgt Stripes bounced between them.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. Snoops pretty much deserted the second floor when I first got here and never really went back up.

Snoops: You know that we older cats can get into a rut with our routines.

Angel: And Snoops was sick for a while earlier in the year.

Snoops: I was NOT as sick as Mom thought I was. It was mainly stress. Now I’m back to myself.

Sgt Stripes: You mean trying to rule over both floors?

Snoops: I am the Empress. I go where I please. You notice I don’t have any problems getting up and down the stairs.

Angel: It was kind of funny how Mom put out more litter boxes to make it easier for you.

Sgt Stripes: We all appreciate the new convenience. The new ones are more popular than the old ones.

Snoops: I do like choices.

Sgt Stripes: Now that you’re upstairs at bedtime, we’re running out of bedtime treats. It was bad enough sharing with Gypsy after she came back upstairs. Now Mom needs to order more of my favorite bedtime treat.

Snoops: That’s not my fault. I don’t like beef and liver.

Gypsy: That’s kind of weird, Snoops. They are delicious.

Sgt Stripes: Gypsy, you know those were my favorite. You’ve kind of taken over treat time. And the best seat in the bedroom.

Gypsy: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes: The cat tree has really good cat TV and you’ve taken it over.

Gypsy: The other window looks out on a bunch of trees. That’s good cat TV too.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah, but it’s not as comfortable. I guess that’s okay because my non-fur sib has really good cat TV too.

Angel: So what is your point? It sounds like you’ve got it pretty good.

Sgt Stripes: Umm. Oh yeah. Gypsy’s taken over my prime treat spot. I’ve been getting nighttime treats on the nightstand for years. Now when she hears Mom coming upstairs, Gypsy races to MY treat spot. Even though Mom gives Gypsy hers on the cat tree SHE STOLE FROM ME.

Angel: Okay. So things have changed a little. Everybody is probably a little cranky from the heat.

Gypsy: The no AC thing was tough this week. We couldn’t even open the windows at night for a couple of days.

Snoops: That was unpleasant. Glad it finally cooled down enough to open things up this morning.

Sgt Stripes: The new windows downstairs are cat-astic! And there’s finally enough room for everyone to have a window.

Angel: Life is pretty good here, after all.

The other cats nod.