19

Cheeseland Interview: George and Lenny

bear at a computer keyboard | Bear, Animals wild, Black bear

Eva Bruin, cub reporter at the Critter Cover High School Weekly Clarion, is sitting down with our editors George and Lenny for their first interview. They are excited that for once they will be the story.

Mouse using mouse: pics

How did you start your careers?

George: I started out like you, Eva, on my high school paper. I was editor my senior year.

Lenny: Yeah. He took over from a guy who got eaten.

George: An unfortunate case of mistaken identity. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Blog - Difference Between Mice And Rats

Have you always been a team?

George: Actually, we’re cousins. We come from a close family.

Lenny: Our dads are brothers.

George: We grew up together and the job just sort of happened.

Lenny: Yeah. We’re like brothers. I’m the good-looking one. He’s the brains.

George: Aww. Thanks, Lenny.

cute-rat-mouse-eating-paper » Naijaloaded | Nigeria's Most Visited Music &  Entertainment Website

What made you decide to come to Cheeseland?

George: I answered an ad on the MousterWorks job site for a blog editor.

Lenny: I saw it first, but they called George for some reason.

George: I actually sent them my resume, remember?

Lenny: Oh, yeah. I got frustrated with all the questions on MousterWorks. I think they might have closed my account, come to think of it.

Chilling gorilla lloking at mouse - Funny pictures of animals

Is it hard working with cats?

George: Actually, Cheeseland is a zero-tolerance workplace. We’ve never faced any discrimination.

Lenny: They do all of the hiring virtually. Cat didn’t know that we were mice until we did the final interview.

George: It isn’t really a problem. We have all kinds of animals here: raccoons, rabbits, a gorilla, cats, …

Lenny: And Cat has a strict “No eating family members” rule. We’re all considered family.

Two cute alligators | Two alligators of the Walter Zoo lying… | Flickr

Are there any interesting stories coming up soon?

George: We heard an interesting news story the other day. At Yellowstone, the humans want to have garbage cans that are too difficult for the bears to get into, but easy enough that any human can use them. Apparently, there’s a problem because some bears are smarter than some people.

Lenny: We want to go talk to the bears and get their side of things.

George: It’s also been awhile since we did a reptile story.

Lenny: We have quite a few alligator fans, so we’re putting something together for them.

George: We’ve had several requests for a hedgehog-friendly story too.

Can Cats Tell Time? - The Conscious Cat

What are the best and worst parts of your jobs?

George: Paws down, the best part of this job is the animals we work with. I have never been at a place that is so mutli-cultural. And everyone is so nice. Very low stress.

Lenny: And there’s no pressure to make things more human-centric. With a human owner, the blog could have run in an entirely different direction.

George: I guess the worst part is the deadlines. We like to keep things fresh, but sometimes it’s a struggle to get it out on time.

Lenny: If we could just find a non-human typist, it would be a lot easier…

happy mouse. | Smiling animals, Happy animals, Cute animals

Do you have anything you want to say to your readers?

George: Thank you for all your support. We couldn’t do it without you.

Lenny: Please try to think of mice as something other than a snack.

Find Your Own Bear - 24 Carrot Writing

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

21

Letters to the Editor

Computer Cat | Cute little animals, Cute cat memes, Cute cats

We love hearing from our readers. Your comments are always welcome. We would like to share a few of the letters we have recently received.

Altered protein makes mice smarter – Science of Singularity

Dear Cheeseland,

What happened to you? You used to be so cosmopolitan. A place where any animal could go to get news and stories. Now it’s cats, cats, cats. Since the beginning of the year, there has only been one story where the main focus was something other than a cat. Mac the Magic Mouse was cool, but everyone else in that story is a cat too. We hope this is not a permanent development.

Leo, President

Lions, Tigers, Bears, Inc.

Pin by The InSource Group on Lines verden | Bear, Pet people, Bear sitting

Dear Leo,

We are sorry to hear of your disappointment. We strive to both entertain and inform. We hope that you noticed that our most topical stories, such as Scrolling Through Animal Twitter, do include other animals. We welcome guest columnists, so any of your members are welcome to contribute a pertinent post. 

Cat and mouse play together in Westport, Ireland but are they still friends? | Daily Mail Online

Dear Tom and Jerry,

Are you really both mice? You know, there is a famous cat-and-mouse team with the same name. Are you really in charge?

Sincerely,

Josie

Wrong Neighboorhood Cats Meme - Imgflip

Dear Josie,

We are afraid that you are somewhat confused. Our names are George and Lenny. We are both extremely literate mice. We are responsible for assigning the topics and ensuring that they are released in a semi-literate format. We are not responsible for the opinions of our writers, nor their actions when they are not writing for us.

Cats Talking With Their Humans 2018 [NEW] - YouTube

Dear Cheeseland,

I want to thank you for all the useful information you provide. I particularly like the way that you talk to us cats rather than the humans. They can be so arrogant! Do you know of a device that will allow me to speak directly to them? They insist that they cannot understand a word I say. I’m sure they’re lying, and it is so frustrating!

Pixie

Cute Cats - We Will Not Be Ignored - Imgflip

Dear Pixie,

We are not in the business of recommending products. Unfortunately, in your case, we would not be able to even if we wanted to. It is a source of unending irritation in the cat world that humans refuse to learn to speak cat. Apparently they don’t really see a need for it since they are bigger and are the ones with the opposable thumbs.

Secret Ballot, Public Voting: The Subtle and Not-So-Subtle Persuasion of the "I Voted" Sticker | viz.

Dear Cheeseland,

We have noticed that you do not talk about politics. Why not?

John Doe

Who Cleaned The Litter Box? - Funny Kitten MEME

Dear John

Politics are for humans. We are concerned with higher matters, like catching mice and clean litterboxes.

Seventeen Cats Who Are Plotting to Rule The World One Day (Memes) - I Can Has Cheezburger? | Cats, Funny animal pictures, Newborn kittens

Dear George and Lenny

Thank you for continuing to cover the world of animals. We are horribly underrepresented in the press. Cats rule the Internet, but it’s not enough. We need to rule the world! Thank you for doing your part.

Sincerely

Ralph, President

Cats of the World

Thank you to all of our writers. All polite communication is welcome.

Happy animals [Amazing Photo of the Day] | dotTech

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

14

The RHCCC: Mousing School

4 Ways To Get Into 'Back To School' Mode With Your Cat - CatTime

When we introduced the Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove, you might recall that Daphne works on the docks. She is a crew chief in charge of vermin control.

The Maine Coon Cat

Crabapple Cove is a hot tourist destination, and every summer the businesses hire extra staff to deal with the crowds. The owners all like to have at least a couple of mousers on staff as a guard against anything stealing the food or scaring the guests. It was a great job for kids on summer break.

Daphne noticed that a lot of the young cats didn’t last long on the job. When she asked around, she found out that they really didn’t understand what the job of mouser entailed. Sensing an opportunity, she decided to open a small mouser school at her house. Her first class had four students. It didn’t take long to find the issues.

Teacher Cat (@realteachercat) | Twitter

Daphne: Hi! I’m Daphne. Welcome to Mousing 101. Please introduce yourselves and tell us why you’re here.

Tyler: My mom said I had to get a summer job.

Mindy: Molly and I want to work on the docks. It’s the best place to meet cute guys when they first get here.

Molly (giggling): Yeah. Less competition than in town.

26 Funny Mafia Cat Pictures. | Cat island, Cat island japan, Cat pics

Daphne: It’s hard work on the docks. Have either of you two moused before?

Mindy and Molly looked at each other.

Mindy: Isn’t that why we’re here?

Molly: My mom doesn’t let mice in our house. She says they’re disgusting.

Daphne looked at the final young cat.

Joseph: I think that all cats should know how to mouse, and I never had a chance to learn.

Why Does My Cat Pounce?

Daphne: Okay, class. First, I’ll demonstrate the proper form. You listen carefully. When you think you hear something, get into your pounce stance and wait patiently. Don’t move until you see the target and think you have a good jump on it. You don’t want to spend a lot of energy running around if you don’t have to.

Daphne crouched into the correct position and sat. 

Daphne: Okay, everyone try the position.

Exercise for your cat - PDSA

The young cats mimicked her crouch. Daphne stood in front and looked at them. She didn’t say anything. A few seconds passed.

Molly: How long do we have to sit like this? It’s boring.

Daphne: You have to wait until the mouse appears.

Molly: You didn’t say anything about waiting for a mouse.

Daphne sighed.

What to Do When Your Cat Brings You a 'Gift'

Daphne: Okay. It looks like everyone gets the concept. I’m going to release four mice somewhere in the room. You need to listen for one of them, then practice your pounce. Do NOT hurt the mouse. We are practicing.

Tyler: I can’t eat my mouse? Why should I bother catching it?

Daphne: These are special mice who have been trained to help teach you. They’re not a snack.

Mindy: Thank goodness. I don’t like the taste of mice.

Lonely Cat On The Dock - Stock Video | Motion Array

Joseph: Are you sure you want to work on the dock? I don’t think they practice catch-and-release with what they find.

Mindy: I only want to work there until I find a boyfriend.

Joseph: Maybe you can get a job sitting there looking pretty. That way they won’t miss you when you quit.

Daphne: All right. I released the mice behind the walls. Everyone find a mouse.

The young cats stalked around the room listening carefully. One by one, they found a mouse to concentrate on. Each cat sat patiently waiting for their mouse to appear. Joseph pounced first and came up with the mouse in his mouth.

Funny Cat and Mouse Videos | Tom and Jerry Real Life Best funny - YouTube

Daphne: Excellent form! You’re a natural. You can let your mouse go.

Joseph released the mouse and thanked Daphne. He went to sit on the sofa and wait for the other cats. Molly was the next one with a mouse. She dropped it, and held it with her paw.

Daphne: Pawsome! You’ll be fine working as a mouser.

Molly joined Joseph on the sofa just as Mindy came up with her mouse. As soon as Mindy tasted the mouse, she dropped it and cried.

Mindy: Eww! That’s disgusting! How can you cats stand to have those in your mouths.  Blech!!

A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went str… | Laughing cat, Laughing animals, Laughing pictures

Daphne started laughing. The other cats joined in.

Daphne: Mindy, I’m afraid you’re going to have to find a different line of work. You are definitely not cut out to be a mouser.

Mindy: Fine. This is revolting. I’m don’t want to date any cat that’s impressed by this.

karen (Woodside, NY)'s review of I Could Pee On This: And Other Poems By Cats

Mindy jumped up on the sofa to watch Tyler. He seemed to be having trouble locating his mouse. Suddenly, the mouse ran out past him. Tyler took off after the mouse only to lose him in a corner. Tyler waited a while longer, but the mouse didn’t reappear.

Tyler: This is stupid. I’m not going to wait all day for some stupid mouse to come out. I’ll find a job doing something else.

Mindy: Me too. Let’s get out of here.

Tyler and Mindy left together.

PsBattle: Two cats walking side by side | Cute cats, Pretty cats, Pets

Daphne: Molly and Joseph, you did excellent work today. I’d like to invite you both back next week for a follow-up lesson in stalking.

Both cats nodded their heads. They left together talking excitedly about how much more fun it was to catch a mouse than they thought it was going to be.

Two Cats Cuddle While Walking Together and the Internet Can't Handle It

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

18

Snoops’ Guide to Happy Hunting

Greetings! Snoops here. Kommando has decided to take the week off, so I thought that I would share some hunting tips with you. As most of you know, I am an indoor kitty so the live action will be limited to mice and bugs. However, I do have the inside scoop on the red dot, as you’ll see below.

19 Cat And Mouse Friends Examples That Will Make You Believe In Love Again  | Cats, Cute animals, Funny animals

Catching Mice

We live in an old farmhouse, so the mice were here before I was. Mom can’t stand the idea of traps, so I do my best to keep the population under control.

Patience is the key to any successful mouse hunt. The humans used to laugh when I sat staring at the walls, but now they say that I’m on “Mouse Patrol.” I try to patrol the pantry when no one is around. There is nothing worse than being on the verge of flushing out a tasty treat, then having some human come in because they “forgot to grab the pasta.” Sheesh.

Lolcats - mouse - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on  them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

I like to hunt alone. Kommando likes to participate in the chase aspect. I can let her do the initial flushing out. But if she gets too involved in the actual hunt, she turns it into a game. Then I either spend hours trying to corner the mouse or it gets away completely. What a waste – no snack and no trophy.

I’m torn on the whole eat or share issue. I used to give all of my dead mice to the humans. (They are really bad hunters.) But they throw the mice away which is a real waste. On the other hand, mice are not as tasty as kibble or my wet food. And it is always entertaining when they find my gift.

11 Bugs to Watch Out For If You Have Pets

Insects

I’m not sure what happened, but we don’t get anywhere close to as many bugs in the house as we used to. Mom works overnight, so the moths don’t come around since there aren’t any lights on. Ants are boring, and I don’t like the way they taste. Our human brother takes care of the stinging insects. (Thanks!)

Tired of insects? A perfect non-toxic insect/bug exterminator: the cat! ( insect vs cats compilation) - YouTube

That only leaves the occasional creepy-crawly or fly. Flies are tough. You have to catch them mid-air, so planning is vital. You need to decide ahead of time whether or not you want them as a snack. If so, a direct paw-to-mouth action is required. Catch-and-release is much easier. Creepy-crawlies are easier to catch, but you have to be careful because a lot of them bite or taste bad.

Overall, I think insects are a waste of time. I think humans should dispose of them. Maybe we just don’t get the right kind of bugs.

Why Do Cats Bunny Kick? | Hill's Pet

Wand Toys

Wand toys are a lot of fun if you don’t have a sister cat who always takes over the game. You should try to identify which human is least likely to play for a couple of minutes and get bored. There is nothing worse than getting all revved up to play just to have your human suddenly find something else to do.

4 Simple DIY Pet Toys for Dogs and Cats | SPOT Pet Insurance

Be sure to give the toy time to get set. Jumping too soon can take all the challenge out of the chase. And don’t play with it too long after you catch it or your human will use that as an excuse to do something else.

Try not to chew through the string. Kommando is really bad about this. We only have one wand toy and it’s not the kind that retracts because Mom refuses to buy any more of those. She’s says they’re a waste of money because they only last one session. Some cats!

The Best Of The "Restraining Cat" Meme | Funny cat pictures, Cat memes,  Funny animal pictures

Red Dot

As promised, I have discovered a secret about the red dot: it’s part of a human conspiracy! Mom’s uncle was over and he was playing with us. He said that he was controlling the dot! Sure enough, he could turn it on and off. And he kept me from being able to catch it. He was entertaining himself at my expense.

My advice is to enjoy chasing the dot. But you will probably never be able to catch it because the humans don’t want you to catch it. So think of it more as a way to get rid of extra energy or a bad case of the zoomies.

Why Does Your Cat Bring You Gifts? - The Conscious Cat

Stuffed Toys

Stuffed toys may be the best to hunt. Especially if you can train your human to hide them for you. And the best part is if you give your “kill cry” with a realistic toy. It is a lot less work for the same reaction.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except me!)

17

Mac the Magic Mouse – Part 2

19 Cat And Mouse Friends Examples That Will Make You Believe In Love Again  | Cats, Cute animals, Funny animals

Where we are – Mac (a mouse) has convinced Jerry (a cat) that he has magical powers to keep from being eaten. So far, Mac has specialized in algebra, but Jerry wants Mac to get Buttercup to go to the spring dance with him. You can read Part 1 here.

Mac: I’ve been thinking about your Buttercup situation. You just need to be yourself. Go up and tell her how pretty she is and ask her out.

Jerry: That won’t work.

Mac: Why not?

The Skittish Kitty: How to Help Your Shy or Fearful Cat | Litter-Robot Blog

Jerry: She’s gorgeous. I can’t even remember my own name around her.

Mac: Does she already have a boyfriend?

Jerry: I don’t think so.

Mac: OK. What do you know about her?

Jerry: She beautiful. And has a beautiful smile. And beautiful eyes.

Cat looking up rsources on computer | NOVA Cat Clinic - Arlington, VA, Cat-Only  Veterinarian Hospital

Mac: Never mind. Let’s look her up on MeowTime.

Mac opens up the social media site and looks at Buttercup’s page. She looks pretty much like a typical cat to him.

Mac: Wait a minute! She’s president of the Inter-species Tolerance League. That’s a little different. You can talk to her about animal justice.

Jerry: Yeah!….Wait, what? What’s Inter-Species Tolerance?

Mac: It means she thinks cats should be nice to other animals, not just cats.

love by Melanie DeFazio | Pets, Cute baby bunnies, Cute cat gif

Jerry: That’s kind of weird. Are you sure?

Mac (sighing): Yes, I’m sure. Look at the pictures she posted.

Jerry scrolls down and sees Buttercup posing with a bunny, a dog, and a horse. Oh my cats! She took a picture with a mouse!

Jerry: She’s friends with a mouse? How did that happen? This is too bizarre. I need some time to think about this.

What Are the Cutest Cat Breeds? | Petfinder

Jerry went to school the next day. When he saw Buttercup, he couldn’t help staring. She was so pretty. But she liked mice??? As friends??

She saw him looking at her and smiled. He smiled back before hurrying home.

Jerry: Mac! Mac! She smiled at me! I think I’m in love. Make her want to go out with me.

Mac had been thinking since they had looked at MeowTime. He didn’t know that cats had inter-species tolerance leagues. It did seem a little weird, but maybe he could help Jerry after all.

Cats and mice can be friends too! : aww

Mac: Hey, Jerry! I had an idea. Since Buttercup is so open-minded about other animals, maybe you could send her a picture of us and that would kind of give you guys something in common.

Jerry: That’s a great idea!

Jerry posted a picture, “Jerry and Mac.” She responded with a heart emoji.

Jerry: Great idea, Mac! Now what?

Mac: Now you have to talk to her.

Jerry: Oh.

Woman Finally Films The Mysterious 'Lover' That Has Been Bringing Her  Flowers, And It's Not What She Expected | Bored Panda

The next day Mac had Jerry take a couple of flowers for Buttercup. He handed to them to her and blushed.

Buttercup: Thank you! I loved the picture you posted! I didn’t know you had a mouse friend! That’s so pawsome!

Jerry: Mac is my magical mouse. He lives in my drawer.

Buttercup: That’s sweet! I’d love to meet him sometime.

cats hugging - Bend Pet Express

They talked for several minutes and finally Jerry got up the nerve to ask Buttercup to the dance. She said that she would love to go with him. It was their first date, and they really liked each other.

Jerry decided to join the Tolerance League. Buttercup did meet Mac and they got along well. She explained to Jerry that Mac wasn’t magic, he was just really smart. Mac ended up feeling safe enough to stay in Jerry’s room.

Why do cats want to be with the person who is allergic? – Dog Doors | Cat  Doors

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

20

Mac the Magic Mouse

cat studying - Perth Cat Hospital

Jerry was getting more and more frustrated with his algebra homework.

Jerry: Who cares which train is getting to Topeka first? I’m a cat, for crying out loud. We don’t even ride trains.

He was starting to doodle on his paper when he heard a slight rustling in the corner. Naturally, he had to see what was making the noise. He stalked over and sat in a crouch, waiting.

How to Deal with Mice in the Walls - Bob Vila

Suddenly, he pounced and came up with a plump mouse.

Mouse: Put me down!

Jerry was startled. He dropped the mouse and put his paw on its tail.

Mouse: That’s a little better. Now release me.

Jerry: I’m not going to release you. You’re just the right size for a snack.

150 Adorable Pet Mouse Names | LoveToKnow

Mouse: You can’t eat me. I’m Mac the Magic Mouse.

Jerry: Right.

Jerry started to scoop up the mouse.

Mac: Stop! I can prove it! Have you ever met a talking mouse?

Jerry:  Dude, we’re cats. Most mice aren’t dumb enough to come into our house.

Can cats do logic? | plus.maths.org

Mac: Fair enough. I’ll prove I’m magic. Let me help you with the math.

Jerry hesitated. Mac did look really tasty. But it seemed rude to eat someone he had been talking to. Besides, he didn’t want to spend all night with the stupid trains.

Mac: OK. This train from Newark is going to get there in 6 hours, but the one from Phoenix would only take 4.5 hours.

Jerry: Are you sure? Or are you just trying to get away?

Mac: Of course I’m sure. What’s next?

Cute cat and mouse friendship 2 years apart - Imgur

The little mouse worked on the math for several minutes before Jerry’s mom called him for dinner.

Jerry wasn’t sure what to do with Mac. He had never heard of magic mice. What if he could escape?

Mac: Since you’re going to be eating, I’ll get going too.

Jerry: Sorry, little buddy. But I need you to finish helping me. If you’re really magic you’ll be useful for all sorts of things.

Cats as dinner guests | Worms & Germs Blog

Jerry put Mac in a drawer and went to eat. When he was finished with dinner, Jerry got the little mouse out again.

Mac: Am I dessert?

Jerry: Don’t be silly. I told you that I need you. Let’s finish the homework.

Mac quickly did the algebra. He was also helpful studying chemistry. The next day, Jerry discovered that Mac had done everything perfectly.

Jerry: You are magic! The teacher said it was the best work I’ve ever done!

I'm so glad to see you! | Excited cat, Cats, Crazy cats

Mac: I told you! Aren’t you glad you didn’t eat me? So I can leave?

Jerry: Of course not! Why would I release a magic mouse? What else can you do for me?

By the next afternoon, Mac was getting pretty nervous. He had been sure that he would be able to slip out while Jerry was at school, but the drawer was more secure than he realized. Jerry was being nice to him, but he was a cat. It was only a matter of time before something would trigger his natural instincts.

Jerry: Hi, Mac! Another great day at school! I think I’m beginning to get the hang of algebra. You really are magic! What else can you do?

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Mac: Umm. It’s nothing really. You just needed some confidence. You don’t really need me around. It’s probably time for me to get going.

Jerry: Don’t be ridiculous. I have big plans for you. The spring dance is in a couple of weeks, and I want to ask Buttercup. She totally ignores me, but I’m sure that you can get her to go with me. It’s pawsome having my own magic mouse!

Mac (smiling nervously): Sure, buddy.

Mac had no idea what to do, so he went back to his drawer and began to pace.

Adorable :): | Cute animals, Unlikely animal friends, Animals friendship

Next week: Will Mac be able to work some magic on Buttercup or will Jerry discover that he’s just a really smart mouse?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

 

15

The RHCCC: Talent Show – Part 1

The World's Most Famous Library Cat | Cats, Cat books, Bookstore cats

You can see the introduction to The Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove here.

Fluffy loved her position as the unofficial social director of Crabapple Cove. The only real downside was that it seemed like half of her life was spent trying to raise money for one worthy cause or another. She liked to try innovative ideas, but sometimes they just didn’t work.

3 Reasons Why Cat People Are The Best Kind Of People.

One example was the mess she was looking at just now. Someone had suggested a mini carnival to raise money for the Crabapple Cove Public Library. Living in Maine, she had some concerns about the weather so they were holding it in the high school gym. Fluffy had attended a private school. She didn’t realize that high school gyms have a “special” smell. Luckily, she seemed to be the only one who noticed.

The Dangers of Strings, Ribbons, and Yarn for Cats

On the other hand, why had she allowed the yarn-ball pit? It had seemed like a good idea when someone suggested it. Large balls of yarn in a huge basket for the kittens to jump around in. She didn’t have kittens. How was she supposed to know that they would start jumping on top of each other? Or that their mothers would get so upset that their little puff-balls got jumped on?

Lolcats - whack a mole - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with  words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with

Whack-a-Mouse wasn’t going as planned either. What type of weirdo would assume that she was going to provide real mice for them to wallop?

Image result for cat meme i heard the word snacks | Cats, Cute animals, Pets

The snacks seemed a little off too. Who knew that Mousie Krunchies wouldn’t have real mouse in them? Or that some people would expect high-grade free-range poultry in the moist treats? Everyone knows they are the best, but we’re trying to make money. Those snacks are really expensive.

Tumblr User Explain Why Cats Are Obsessed With Eating Bread | Bored Panda

The baked-goods table was a disaster. She finally had to kick out the kid who kept licking the cream off the salmon mousse. And who knew that you couldn’t have catnip-infused cookies inside a public school? Strangest of all, why did some of them think their entry ticket entitled them to a free snack of their choosing?

Cleaning the bathroom | Cat work, Cat memes, Cats

Fluffy went over to talk to Bella, who had been taking tickets.

Fluffy: This is a disaster.

Bella: I’m afraid you’re right. One of the moms is threatening to sue over the yarn-ball pit.

Daphne and Miki walked up.

Daphne: Don’t worry. I took care of that. She was fine once her kitten stopped crying.

Miki: You’re still not going to make much. Once word got out about the snacks and ‘nip, cats decided they didn’t want to bother coming out.

Bella: What do we do now?

Fluffy: Let me think about it. Right now, we need to make sure everything is cleaned up. I don’t think I ever want to see this room again, but I don’t want them banning me either.

My cat sleeps constantly, when should I worry? | Memphis Emergency Vet

Fluffy went home and slept for a few hours. When she woke up, she had an idea that she chatted to her friends:

Image - 27970] | Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Committeh | Know Your Meme

Brainstorm! Remember that little screech owl who auditioned for us a while ago? She sang horribly, but was so sweet we wanted to help her somehow? I’m going to put on a talent show for the library. Maybe she can connect with someone who will help her. Round up everyone you know with an actual talent, and we’ll get things rolling.

KKPS: a talent show? - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat  pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

Come back in a month for the talent show.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

32

Snoops and Kommando’s Guide to Halloween

Halloween Safety for Cats

It’s that time of year again to start preparing for Halloween. Of course, this year will be a little different, with social distancing and all. Your gathering may be a lot smaller than in years past.

Pin by Michael E. Porter on  Animaliiiiii...mistiiiiiiiiiiii...insetti...roditori...eccetera..eccetera...  | Cute animals, Animals, Cats and kittens

Don’t let that stop you from having a great time. You can still break out the niptinis and mouse puffs. Some berries would be fun. And don’t forget the pumpkin (you can eat it after the party.) Helpful hint: If you don’t have enough mouse, you can substitute any finely chopped meat.

Cat drinking game. Every time they say "here kitty" you have to take a drink.  - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

You’ll need to make the niptinis ahead of time. All you need to do is put a couple of pawfuls of catnip in a pot of boiling water. Turn down the heat and let it simmer for 5 minutes. Repeat for every two guests. Remove it from the stove and refrigerate.

Can Cats Drink Tea? Find the Purrfect Tea for Your Feline Friend

Just before the party pour the niptinis into bowls. Be sure everyone gets some of the leaves. The fortuneteller will need them later.

Ten Pictures of Cats Reading Books Trying to Educate Themselves

As you know, we refuse to wear clothing of any type. Therefore, we are not offering any suggestions for costumes. However, we hope that you will not go as any type of food or a dog. Too embarrassing.

Mods asleep upvote cat dressed as dog. #dogs #pets #dog #Adopt #love #cute  #animals #puppy | Cute cat costumes, Cat costumes, Cute cats

Some cats have a dance contest. If you want to do this, we recommend that you wait until the ‘nip has had a chance to work. Most cats don’t like to dance.

Untitled | Interpretive dance, Funny dance quotes, Dancing cat

Another idea is a seance. If you do try to reach a departed relative, avoid the ones who talked constantly or were whiners. You’re supposed to be having fun.

Coworker threw a b-day party. For her cat. | GBCN

Whatever you do, have a great time this year. And remember, if you need to distance from a stranger, it’s three body-lengths of the average cat or two body-lengths of the bigger breeds.

Practice social distancing in 2020 | Cat diy, Cat items, Cats

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

32

Technology: Cat Friend or Foe?

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Humans keep getting more and more electronic toys. A lot of them seem to be called “Get off of that” or “You can’t sit there.” They’re taking up more and more of our humans’ time. That’s a bad thing. They’ve even come up with what they call “cat apps” that are supposed to appeal to us. (We think it’s just to keep us occupied so they don’t have to play.)

We’ve come up with a list of questions that you can answer and show to your human.

Do you prefer old television sets or new ones?

10 Scene-Stealing Cats in Movies and TV (Photos)

There is no doubt that the old ones were far superior to lay on: large heated flat surfaces.

Videos for Cats: Tales from Cat TV - Cadry's Kitchen

But if you want to watch with a friends, today’s larger screens are a definite plus.

Would you rather lay on a book or a computer while your human is reading/using it?

Why I Haven't Read That Book Yet: Sleep | Cute animals, Crazy cats ...

Books are extremely comfy beds. If you can lay on it while it’s on your human’s lap, you can have comfort and cuddles.

Here's Why Your Laptop is So Irresistible to Your Cat | Reader's ...

But you can actually help your human on a computer.

Do you like live mice better than computer mice?

Funny Cats Chasing Mouse Compilation - YouTube

Live mice are fun to chase and play with.

Cute Cat having computer mouse in mouth ;) | Grappige dieren ...

Computer mice are easier to catch.

Do you prefer live Cat TV or computer Cat TV?

Create a Bird Watching Station For Cats - NWF | Ranger Rick

You never know what you’ll see on live Cat TV.

CAT COMPUTER GAMES - Cheezburger - Funny Memes | Funny Pictures

However, some games are only available on the computer.

Do you like old telephones better than smart phones?

Cat blamed for 999 prank call after police break down door to find ...

Old phones were better for napping.

Can Cats See Phone Screens? | Healthy Paws Pet Insurance

With a smart phone, you can screen your calls to avoid talking to that really annoying neighbor.

Do you prefer running for fun or for exercise?

Pros and Cons of the Outdoor Life for Cats | Perfect Fit™

You never know who you might find to play with outside.

Minimum Effort New Year's Resolutions - Campus Socialite

Treadmills make excellent beds. (And you can usually avoid being annoyed by your human there.)

Do you prefer games with your human or games with their computer?

Playing With Your Cat | International Cat Care

Your human will probably have more than one game to play. (But probably will quit before you are done.)

Is your cat fascinated with movement on your computer screen? Well ...

If you can get your human to buy you your own computer, you can play whatever you want, whenever you want.
It’s really up to you how much technology you let into your life. But whatever choice you make, be sure to include your human in the fun.
Lolcats - technology - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures ...
Thanks to Bored Panda for the inspiration.
Pictures courtesy of Google Images
20

Advice for Today’s Cat

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Welcome to House of Cats, the home of all things cat. Put your humans in another room and enjoy some time with us. Today we are welcoming Muffy Fluffington, the author of Own Your Human, Don’t Let Your Human Own You. Today Muffy is going to answer some of the most common questions she gets.

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My human says I never do anything, but when I try to help her, she puts me on the floor.

This is a common problem. Humans just don’t understand that they need help with their typing, cooking, and needlework. If they won’t let you do anything else, at least share some fur. Everything is better with fur.

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My food tastes terrible since my human changed it. I think she’s trying to put me on a diet.

Humans do have a funny idea about what we should look like. I think it’s part of the whole body image issue they have with their own kind. They can’t control their own weight, so they want to control ours. In your case, I would force your human to taste some of the food they want you to eat. I can guarantee they won’t like it.

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My human rearranged the furniture. My favorite tree and pillow aren’t near the windows anymore.

This one is easily solved. Pull your blanket over to whatever they have put by the window and sleep there. When they move you, go back as soon as they leave. Before long, you’ll have your sunny window back.

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I have been trying to teach my human to catch mice for three years. Should I give up?

As much as humans complain about mice in the house, most of them never learn how to catch the little guys. I would say that you should give them one more shot. Don’t go after the mice yourself. Once there are a few running around, your human may be more motivated to follow your example.

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My humans just got one of those miniature humans. It never shuts up. How do I get some sleep?

Those baby humans are a problem. Before you know it, the kid will be running after you and trying to give you hugs with sticky hands. For right now, I recommend that you convince your humans to get you one of those snuggle sacks that you can crawl into. That should keep out a lot of the noise. Another option is to use whatever spot you have for when they turn on the cat-sucking cleaning machine.

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My human wants to bathe me. Just because she read that cats should be bathed once in a while.

What an awful idea! You have no option but to make bath time so miserable for her that she gives up. I recommend you start with hissing and growling. If that doesn’t work, move on to squirming. As a last resort, kick your way to freedom. And hide where she can’t reach you.

That’s all the time we have for this week’s House of Cats. Thank you all for tuning in. You can release your humans now.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images