21

You want to Bring Home a Dog??!!

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Don’t worry. We are remaining an all-feline household. Mom says that she is much too lazy to have a dog. And our human siblings are completely Team Cat as well. But Mom and our human brother were talking recently about how our human dad had wanted a dog several years ago.

Over 65 Unforgettable Dog Memes Hilarious Pictures Unleashed! | Funny  animal jokes, Funny dog memes, Funny animal memes

We had no idea there were so many kinds of dogs. Some definitely sound like better housemates than others. Lower energy and easygoing personalities sound the best to us. Mom would have insisted on a shelter dog, so we probably would have ended up with a goofy fur sib.

Why Does My Dog or Cat Have Bad Breath? - Bothell Pet Hospital

It got our furry brains wondering what life would have been like with a doggy sibling. First thing, it would have probably not have smelled as good. Dogs just smell – different. They probably smell fine to other dogs. But we’re cats – with cat standards. It’s hard enough dealing with some of the funky human smells.

dog shaming food Archives | 3 Million Dogs

And dogs eat – different. From what we’ve been able to read, some are not really very selective about what they eat, particularly about whether what they put in their mouths belongs to them. Or is even food.

21 Dogs Who Clearly Have No Idea How HUGE They Are

We probably would have had to fight for cuddle time too. It’s bad enough with just us cats, but imagine what it would have been like with something that considers itself “man’s best friend.” And it would have been bigger than us too. Humans are so hard to retrain; it would have been a nightmare.

funny-dog-cat-big-bed-jerk - Holidog Times EN

It probably would have taken even longer to train the dog. Even though dogs are obviously intended to be minion material, it would have been a lot of work.

14 Times Cats Tried To Blame Everything On The Dog (Memes) - I Can Has  Cheezburger?

On the other paw, it might have been nice to have someone to blame for stuff getting knocked over or broken. And it probably would have been tall enough to get stuff down for us. And maybe we could have ridden it…

17 Dogs That Are Completely Terrified of Totally Normal Things | Rolig  katt, Gulliga katter, Galna katter

Note: If any of you hear your humans talking about a canine baby, these breeds were mentioned in more than one place as good personality matches with cats: Basset Hound, Beagle, Bichon Frise, Bulldog, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Collie, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, Maltese, Papillon, Poodle, Pug, Shetland Sheepdog

Intensive online training courses in proofreading | Funny animal pictures,  Animals doing funny things, Cute cats

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

22

Snoops and Kommando: The Liebster Award

Triumphant Cat | Cat stands, Funny animals, Cats

Snoops and Kommando here. When our pal Suki nominated us for the Liebster Award, Mom said she was too busy to do it. But we pulled out all the stops on our adorableness and finally she said that she would help us. So thanks for nominating us Suki!

The way it’s supposed to work is that we thank Suki, answer his questions, nominate 11 new bloggers, and send them new questions. However, Mom said that she didn’t have time to do that (sigh). She did agree that we could give a meow-out to some of our buddies at the end, so we settled for the compromise. If anyone would like to answer our questions, you can consider yourself Liebster-ized. If you’d like to answer a few in the Comments, that would be pawsome too.

Dear owner, I hope this letter finds you well. I'm writing to let you know  I am out of milk. Please refill di… | Funny animals, Funny cat pictures,  Funny cat videos

Here are the questions:

If cats could speak to humans, what do you think they would say?

The first thing would be to tell her to stop buying those boxes of wet cat food. Some of our favorites are in there, but so is a lot of really disgusting stuff. The other thing we would do is to make her feel guilty for leaving us alone so much since she got a second job. Oh, and the most important part: she needs to stop bossing us around.

Have you ever done catnip, and what was it like for you?

Catnip totally rocks. Complete bliss. Unimaginable energy.

A cat with a rather large fish in his mouth : photoshopbattles

Tuna or Salmon?

We get a lot more tuna. They share their salmon with us, but we’d like our own can once in a while.

Who’s your favorite celebrity feline?

We don’t spend much time on the Internet, so we don’t really know any famous cats. We are very fond of Simon’s Cat. His attitude is an inspiration to all cats.

I Has A Hotdog - nose - Page 6 - Funny Dog Pictures | Dog Memes | Puppy  Pictures | Pictures of dogs - Dog Pictures - Funny pictures of dogs - Dog  Memes - Puppy pictures - doge - Cheezburger

Dogs in purses: yea or nay?

Why on earth would we want them anywhere near to us. They should stay at home, where they belong

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Mom put down a couple of bags of groceries and knocked over a glass of water. She always yells at us if we do it, so it was funny when she did it and didn’t have anyone to yell at.

It's Official, Cats Are Extremely Talented At Sitting… | Purrtacular

Do you have a sibling and did they ever sit on you?

When we wrestle, one of us usually ends up on the bottom. Snoops is bigger, so it’s not really fair. (Kommando’s comment)

Do you wish you had fur instead of that weird skin?

(We think Suki’s human must have written this questions.) We’re sure all humans would rather be beautiful, fluffy creatures.

Lolcats - door - Page 2 - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with  words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures

If  your pet had opposable thumbs, what’s the first thing they’d do in your house?

We’d take down the doors. Then we could go wherever we wanted to.

If you were a feline, what would your name be?

(Another question from the human) We might name ours Cuddles. Maybe she’d spend more time cuddling with us.

How to get my cat to stop eating human food - Quora

Have you ever eaten someone else’s food when they’re not looking?

Of course we steal each other’s food. But that’s no challenge. It’s more fun to try to steal human food. Sometimes their food is nasty, so be sure to take a good sniff before you grab and go.

Your Cat Has A Question For You | Paws Pet Care

Here are our questions:

How did you choose your human?

Have you ever sneaked outside?

What’s your favorite season?

Do you have any siblings of a different species (you may include humans)?

If you could only have one channel of Cat TV, what would it be?

What is your proudest moment?

Does your human have any habits that drive you crazy?

If you could only have one toy, what would it be?

Have you ever gotten even with someone after they got you in trouble/embarrassed you?

Have you been able to train your human to hunt?

Do you have a favorite hangout?

Sorry, Cat Haters, Science Isn't On Your Side | Popular Science

And finally, a long-distance snuzzle and purr to our friends (in no particular order. Mom forgot to alphabetize them.)

We have more, but Mom made us stop. Purrs and cuddles to you all.

cat | girlywithdacurl

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

26

How to Tell a Cat From a Dog

Places That Will Take Care Of Your Pet If Something Happens To You ...

We would lo point out some obvious differences between cats and dogs. Hopefully, you will find this entertaining, but not informative. If any of this information is new to you, we recommend you spend some time volunteering at an animal shelter. Better yet, adopt a shelter animal.

Cats are more flexible.

25 Hysterically Flexible Cats Who Broke All the Laws of Physics

Is your dog clumsy? Top 10 most accident-prone dogs

Dogs are friendlier.

Ten Cats With Their Terrible Friends Who Embarrass Them | Animals ...

I Has A Hotdog - friendly - Funny Dog Pictures | Dog Memes | Puppy ...

Cats are self-cleaning.

How to Clean Your Cat Without Bathing

Not a bathtub - Imgflip

They both want to lay in your lap, regardless of their size.

Woman Shared Beautiful Photos Of Her Maine Coon Cat - And It's ...

25 Big Dogs Who Think They're Lap Dogs [GALLERY] - DogTime

Cats do not require being walked in the rain.

a cat watching the rain through a window Wallpaper and Background ...

dog walking Archives

Cats train their humans; dogs allow humans to train them.

Carl ~ On Training Your Human | Life With Catnip

A Well Trained Dog Will Make No Attempt to Shareyour Lunch He Will ...

Cats are better at hide-and-seek.

Teach Your Skittish Cat to Be Less Fearful of Strangers

159 Dogs Who Suck At Hide-And-Seek | Bored Panda

Inspired by some new friends of the family:

(Duke, Georgia, Lily, and Tyler)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except the boxers).

23

Stupid Question: Are Cats Smart?

Smart Cat Blank Template - Imgflip

Well, of course we are.

Pin on Funny

Cats are Smarter than Dogs

Humans always talk about how smart dogs are. That’s because dogs are dumb enough to take the humans’ tests. We cats have better things to do with our time.

My brain just exploded - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats ...

Our brain structure and folding (that thing that make brains look lumpy) is 90% similar to the humans. We’re not really sure we agree that thinking like humans makes us smart, but they do. We have 300 million neurons (nerve cells) in the part of the brain that controls thinking and decision-making (the cerebral cortex). Dogs only have 160 million neurons. Cats rule.

This cat opening a door by himself is truly impressive - Entertainment

We Learn the Same Way Humans Do

Cats have what they call procedural learning. We watch and then we do it ourselves. That’s why we can open doors, ring bells, and turning on lights. Generally, we don’t turn lights out (that’s left to our human minions).

We also have what is called object permanence recognition. Just because we can’t see something doesn’t mean we don’t know it’s there. That’s why it’s a really bad idea for humans to hide our treats. We know they’re somewhere, and we will find them.

39 Photos For Anyone Who's Just Having A Bad Day | Funny animals ...

We totally rock at taking new information and applying it to what we already know. Then we can use what we have learned in new situations. We are extremely intelligent kitties.

Cat Protects His Couch - I Can Has Cheezburger?

We are Smarter than Your Human Baby

We can eat our food by ourselves within a few weeks of being born. Your baby needs to be fed for an extended period of time.

20 Of The Cutest Pictures Of Cats And Babies

There is no question that we are cleaner than your baby. Your baby doesn’t care what they look like or what they are covered in. We wouldn’t dream of going out without being fully groomed. And we bathe ourselves.

We are capable of catching our own food. When was the last time you saw a human baby catch a mouse for dinner?

A Cat's Guide to Training Your Human - YouTube

We Train our Humans, They Don’t Train Us

We do what we want to do, when we want to do it. We have our humans trained to feed us, cuddle us, and clean up after us. They play when we want to. A few purrs and cute looks, and they are wrapped around our paws.

So stand tall, fellow cats. We are the superior beings.

This is a picture of a cat., The cat is strutting its stuff.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

(We just passed 1,000 followers. Thank you all very much.)

 

 

20

“And the Home of the Brave (Cat)”

Cats Can Be Your Hero. Cats Who Saved The Humans They Love ...

In honor of the United State’s Independence Day, we were going to tell you about some cats who served in the military. But since there is no record of George Washington having cats with his troops, we decided to look a little farther to see what we could find.

German cats were messengers during the World Wars. And cats are excellent at sniffing out drugs and bombs. But we decided to focus closer to home. We found five cats who displayed great bravery at home.

cats and dogs fighting quotes - Google Search | Cat quotes funny ...

First, we have Tara. She was outside with her small human (4 years old), when he was attacked by several dogs. Without a thought for her own safety, Tara ran into the group of dogs. She hissed, growled, and attacked the dogs until they ran away. The boy ran into the house and is fine. We assume he is now a “cat person” for life.

23 Funny Animal Pictures Of The Day | Funny animal photos, Cute ...

Next we have Jack. Jack is a cat who knows how to protect his turf. When a bear wandered into his yard, Jack was not pleased. He went into full attack mode. Jack chased the bear out of his yard and up a neighbor’s tree. We assume the bear went home and told his friends to avoid the crazy cat’s yard.

Buidling On Fire? Cat Meme - Cat Planet | Cat Planet

Next, we have Baby. Baby’s human parents were sleeping on the sofa when Baby smelled smoke in the back bedroom. She went into the front room and wouldn’t stop crying and pawing them until the humans woke up. Everyone was fine, and the mom had twins a few weeks later. Baby probably doesn’t have to worry about her humans sleeping too soundly anymore.

Cat-tain planet. He's a hero. | Cat memes, Cat pics, Funny cats

Schnautzie started her career as a hero early. When she was just a kitten, she smelled something strange. She went in to wake up her human parents. They were a little difficult to wake up, but she didn’t stop nuzzling them and crying until they wre awake. It was lucky that sh e was so persistent. She saved the family from a possible explosion due to a gas leak. With a little fresh air, the family was fine.

15 Cats Who Are Waking You Up For An Important Task... (Memes) - I ...

Last, but not least, is Pudding. He had just settled in for his first night in his new forever home. Suddenly, his human ,Mom started to act strangely. He didn’t know what was going on, so he went over to his human and tried to make her stop. He was so persistent that she oused herself from a diabetic seizure to call out to her son. He called 911, and she is fine. Puddinghas no worries about ever losing his forever home.

Just thinking about these brave cats makes us proud to be feline. It also makes us very tired.

Exhausted Cat - Tap the link now to see all of our cool cat ...

Pictures courtesy of Google Images. 

21

Springtime in the Subdivision – Conclusion

Baby Giraffe & Golden Retriever Dog - Best Friends! - Eating ...

Where we are: The residents of Mountain Valley Estates are up in arms about their neighbor Fred’s efforts to keep the neighborhood in compliance with the Association’s rules. His insistence on an overly strict interpretation of the rules has irritated most of his neighbors. They have told Jim, the Association President, that either he gets rid of Fred or they will vote him out of office. You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The animals have agreed to give Jim two weeks to solve the problem. Toward the end of that time, several of the guys were talking.

People Are Loving The Adventures Of This Hedgehog And Its Bengal ...

Jean-Luc Hedgehog: I haven’t seen Fred of a while. Is he hiding?

Ben Bruin: We were pretty rough on him.

Steve Skunk: Yeah. He was just trying to do his job. And he is our friend.

Al Angora: Maybe. But I get angry when someone makes Fluffy cry.

Henry Goat: Don’t worry guys. He’s OK. He just went to see his brother for the two weeks.

Ben: Good. That will get his mind off what is happening here.

I now call the First Annual meeting of the Unbearably Cute Animals ...

On the promised day, Jim called a meeting to give an update. The animals waited in anticipation.

Jim: Thank you for being here today. Fred and I have come to the decision that he is going to retire.

The animals couldn’t believe what they were hearing. No one really thought that Fred would give up his job.

Amelia Alligator: Did you force him to retire? What’s Fred going to do with his time?

Al:Yeah. I was pretty upset. But I thought you’d be able to come up with some kind of compromise.

GeorgeWBush Library on Twitter: "#ArchivesCUTE First Dog Barney ...

Jim: No, I didn’t fire him. Fred, why don’t you come up here and explain why you are retiring.

Fred: While I was staying with my brother, I did some thinking. I’ve been able to tell that you’re not happy with me. I was going to suggest that we have some meetings to find common ground.

The animals were nodding approvingly, but still wondered how this led to retirement.

Fred: One day, my brother and I went to a diner for breakfast. The waitress and I talked for a long time. We went out that night and were together for the rest of my visit. I’d like to introduce you to the wonderful lady who is going to be my wife. Come on up here, Sweetie.

At first, the animals were stunned into silence. But as the beautiful German Shepard joined Fred, they burst into cheers.

German Shepherd Dog Breed Information and Pictures

Fred: This is Vicki, everyone. She made me the happiest dog in the world when she agreed to marry me.

Steve: But why are you retiring?

Fred: Vicki said that she would make sure I had plenty to do.

Everyone laughed.

Jean-Luc: That’s wonderful, Fred. Congratulations!

Ellen Elk: Congratulations, Fred. But who’s going to make sure the subdivision is going to keep looking good?

German Shepherd memes | Page 2 | German Shepherds Forum

Jim walked back and took the microphone.

Jim: Since I just found out, Fred has agreed to continue until the wedding. Vicki promised to keep him in line.

Everyone laughed again.

Amelia: But what happens after that?

Jim: I’m going to take applications, and the Board will vote on the candidates. We have a month until the wedding.

Accommodating goat gives a chicken a warm roost. | Goats, Farm animals

A few weeks later, Jim called another meeting.

Jim: There were only two applicants interested in the job. The board had an extremely hard time deciding who to choose. So, Emma Chicken and Fred Goat will share the responsibilities. They will write up what they see as violations and give the information to me. At our weekly meeting, the Board will decide whether a letter should be sent to the homeowner.

That decision sounded fair to the animals. Fred’s last month was uneventful. He and Vicki had a beautiful wedding with all of his friends attending.

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Adopt A German Shepherd

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

21

Springtime in the Subdivision – Part 2

Protesting Cats | Occupy Cuteness seantrank.com | sean.trank | Flickr

Where we are: Fred Fido and two friends have volunteered to police the subdivision for outside violations of the Association’s code. Some of the other residents think Fred is taking his responsibilities a little too seriously. Jim Giraffe, the Association President, has called for a meeting to discuss the rules. See Part 1 here.

Jim: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for attending this meeting. We have some important business to discuss.

Al Angora: We certainly do. I want you to put him on a leash.

Angry Dogs Compilation - YouTube

He points at Fred, who bares his teeth.

Al: Figurative speaking, of course.

Fred relaxes a little.

Jim: Al, those are pretty strong words. Are you sure that’s what you meant to say?

Why Do Cats Hiss? | Cuteness

Al: Yes, I’m sure. He got Fluffy crying, and she begged me to come home and cut the grass. It wasn’t even a quarter inch over the required height.

Fred: But you admit that it was too long.

Al arched his back and sat down.

Peppi Pomeranian: I agree with Al. Fred is going too far. I was watering my lawn on the correct day when Fred came by and said that my lawn was wet enough.

Funny Dogs Playing With Hose Compilation - YouTube

Fred: She was wasting water. It was running into the street.

Peppi: That’s because I forgot to turn off the water when you and your crew started yelling at me.

Fred: So you acknowledge that you were wasting water.

Peppi growled and sat down.

Warm weather prompts early alligator appearances in Myrtle Beach ...

Jim: OK. Fred and his friends may have been a little over-enthusiastic. But that’s no reason to be hostile. Remember, he is volunteering his time, and the neighborhood looks a lot better.

Sarah Squirrel: I don’t care. We got a citation for having a lawn ornament. The “ornament” was my mother-in-law sleeping in the sun for a couple of days in a row.

Amelia Alligator: He did the same thing to me about my kids. He said he didn’t know that alligators have to bask in the sun to stay alive.

Meme Maker - everyone-talking-about-cats-and-im-like-bears-are-cool

Ben Bruin: He gave me a noise citation in the middle of the day. My neighbors didn’t call to complain. They know it’s just my natural voice.

The animals started to talk over each other, getting angrier as time went by. It seemed as if Fred had upset everyone in the neighborhood.

Cute animal picture of the day: baby giraffe

Jim: All right, everyone. Let’s settle down so we can discuss this like civilized animals.

Fred: I’m sorry if I offended you. I was just trying to be helpful.

Peppi: You used to be a good dog, Fred. We were buddies.

Amelia: Yeah. You were the first one to welcome us to the neighborhood.

12 Baby Skunks That Are Just Too Stinkin' Cute! - I Can Has ...

Some of the other animals nodded and shared stories.

Steve Skunk: I agree. But you still have to go. You complained about the smell in the house that was getting outside through the open window. Seriously, Fred? We’re skunks.

Al: Sorry, Fred. I agree with Steve. I want you to find something else to do with your spare time.

Fred’s ears and tail were drooping.

Do Dogs Grieve Other Dogs? – American Kennel Club

Fred: I guess I need to quit. You’ll have to hire a professional to do the job.

Jim: Wait a minute, Fred. I like your attitude. Let me think of some way we can compromise on this.

The animals groaned and looked at each other.

Al: You better think of something fast, or we’ll get rid of you too.

Black tabby is angry. | Turkish angora cat, Turkish van cats ...

Next week: Will Jim’s plan work and bring peace to Mountain Valley Estates?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

22

Springtime in the Subdivision

Oregon Golf Course to Offer Trained Goat Caddies | SwingU Clubhouse

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and spring was in the air. Everything looked tranquil in Mountain Valley Estates. A golf cart carrying a dog, a goat, and a chicken was slowly driving around the subdivision.

A group of women were standing in the yard of one of the houses talking when they saw the cart.

In areas of rapid urban development, squirrels and alligators have ...

Sarah Squirrel: Look who’s coming. It’s the Yard Police.

Amelia Alligator: Sarah, we better get home.

Josephine Jaguar: You’re right. We all know what happens if you’re not at home when they stop by.

Amelia: They write your name in their little book and you get a letter from the Association about some imaginary violation.

Writing an Effective Dog Professional Bio – dogbiz

Sarah: It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually worked for the Association. But Fred Fido got bored and talked Henry Goat and Emma Chicken into doing this. The whole thing is ridiculous.

Amelia: I agree. And you can’t talk to them about anything. If they say it’s a problem, it’s a problem.

Sarah and Amelia went home, and Josephine went inside. On her way home, Sarah saw Fred talking to Fluffy Angora.

Turkish Angora Cats, The Cats That Love To Play.

Fred: I need to talk to you about a problem with your yard.

Fluffy: What’s the problem?

Fred: Henry measured your grass, and it’s almost an inch and a half high. You know the Association rules say that it shouldn’t be more than one and a quarter inches high, and the preferred height is one inch.

STALKER CAT IS WATCHING YOU | Stalker Meme on ME.ME

Fluffy: But the Association made an exception for us. Al works out of town as a mouser, and we have four young kittens.

Fred: OK. Then I’ll write it up as a warning. You need to tell Al to get home and mow it. I’m going to talk to Jim (the Association President) and tell him what’s going on.

Fluffy: All right.

Fred: Have a good day.

Fluffy: Thank you.

Family owned and operated! QUALITY Lawn maintenance + a whole lot ...

Fluffy closed the door. How dare that dog accuse them of not taking care of their yard. And that goat had been eating the grass, not measuring it.

Fred: Sometimes, I hate doing this job. It seems like no one appreciates us.

Emma: They just don’t understand how difficult it is to keep a place this big looking good.

Henry: Look! Over there! Water usage violation.

Should You Give Hedgehogs a Bath? - HedgehogNation

Fred went up to Jean-Luc Hedgehog who was holding container of water.

Fred: Jean-Luc, are you aware that you are in violation of the water usage code the Association has distributed?

Jean-Luc: What do you mean?

Fred: Your house’s address ends in an odd number. You can’t water your lawn until tomorrow.

Jean-Luc: I’m not watering my lawn.

Fred: Then why are you carrying water around?

Thoughts on Hedgehog vegetable car? - Hedgehog

Jean-Luc: It’s a watering can. I’m watering my vegetables.

Fred: They’re green, so they’re part of your lawn.

Jean-Luc: That’s ridiculous. They’re new plant. They’ll die if I don’t water them every day.

Fred: I’m sorry. It’s a violation. Here’s your ticket, and you’ll be hearing from the Association.

Jean-Luc took the ticket and stomped into the house. If he’d stayed outside, he was afraid he would have dumped the water on Fred.

Baby Elk- Cutie! Updated - WetCanvas

Fred walked back to the cart. They rode in silence for a while. Then they spotted a tent in Ellen Elk’s backyard.

Fred knocked at the door, but there was no answer. Emma wrote a note and taped it to the door:

Dear Neighbor – The tent in your backyard is a violation of Association rules. If you have guests, they are required to stay in your house, not a separate structure. Please remove the tent immediately. Your Friendly Neighborhood Guardians

When Ellen got home, she read the note. Ellen was furious. She called the Association, but no one answered.

Why Your Dog Loves Antlers | HealthyPets Blog

Note: The dog is holding on voluntarily

They knew she had a tent in her yard. She had to pay a $50 permit fee to put it there. No one was living in it. She was going to use it for her daughter’s birthday party.

The golf cart made a few more stops before they went home. They decided not to stop a Josephine’s house to cite her for violets in her yard. They were all afraid of her.

A few days after this round of visits, everyone received a letter. Jim Giraffe was inviting everyone to a meeting to discuss Association rules.

92 Best ANGRY ANIMALS images | Animals, Angry animals, Cats

Next week: Will the Association management side with Fred or the homeowners?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

 

7

The Animal Rights Coalition – Part 4

Image result for animals as attorneys meme

Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) has been working to stop humans from using their names as insults. They have had no luck with submitting a petition or trying to meet with the members of the Human Council. Gregg Bear and Ivan Tiger decide that it is time to consult with a lawyer. (Links to the previous sections are found at the right)

Gregg and Ivan are waiting in the offices of Sharkfin and Sharkfin to meet with the attorney. A well-groomed Siamese cat approached them.

Siamese: Hello, I’m Greta. I’ve been assigned your case.

Image result for confused bear

Gregg and Ivan looked at each other. Was this some kind of joke? This cat was not going to intimidate a bunch of humans. What was she going to do? Purr loud?

Ivan: Meaning no disrespect….

Greta: You want to know why I’m not a shark, right?

Gregg: Actually, yes. We’ve been trying to get a bunch of humans to listen to us and we wanted someone to get their attention.

Greta: Actually, that’s why they sent me. If you two aren’t going to intimidate them, we certainly won’t.

Image result for tiger with human

Ivan: What do we do?

Greta: First, you have to know what is going to get their attention. What can you do that they can’t ignore? When do you interact with the humans?

Ivan: We see them at the stores and at work. But that’s just the regular humans.

Greta: OK. But they’re all just regular humans.

Image result for animal business meme

Ivan: Some of them are more important. They own things and tell other people what to do.

Gregg: We want to get their attention.

Greta: Then you need to make them understand that their insults are having an impact on their business. You need to tell people to stop using their products until the humans stop insulting you.

Gregg and Ivan left, confused. They had wanted to hire someone to sue the humans. This cat wanted them to educate the humans. They called another ARC meeting.

Image result for animal meeting

Gregg: We met with a lawyer. She said that we need to get the humans to see that we’re important to their business before they’ll listen to us.

Cecile Ferret: I guess that makes sense. They’ve thought they’re better and smarter than us forever.

Joe Iguana: They take us for granted.

Ivan: That’s what the lawyer said.

Ralph: OK. What do we do?

Image result for clean dog

The animals talked about which businesses they might be able to influence. They decided that they would only do one at first to see if anything happened. The first business they targeted was Adderson’s Shoe Supplies. They posted this message outside shoe stores:

“Please buy a brand other than Adderson’s. Their advertising calls tired, stinky feet “dogs”. We want them to find a different way to sell their product. Thank you. ARC

The signs didn’t work. People still bought the shoes.

Gregg: I don’t think this is a very good idea.

Image result for animal picnic meme

Joe: I don’t know why we chose shoes. We don’t wear shoes. We should have done food. Food is always good.

Cecile: Did you hear? We made the news!

“Tonight’s local take is the boycott ARC is trying to start against Adderson’s Shoes for slander. It seems the animals are finally tired of being insulted. Good luck!”

Image result for luck animal

Ivan: Great. We’ll need it.

Cecile: It gets better. Look at this:

Animal call for end to insults spreads. Several areas have picked up on the ARC animals’ quest to end animal name insults. Protest is gaining momentum.

Three months later: Due to grass-roots pressure from their customers, humans included, the Human Council began the process to identify and eliminate institutional animal insults.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

8

The Animal Rights Coalition

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Chester Rabbit called the quarterly meeting of the Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) to order.

Chester: Welcome everyone. We need to finish one item from our last meeting before we can move on to today’s agenda. We have to finish our discussion about how to address the human use of animal names as insults. The first thing we need to do is reopen the topic.

The animals started to talk among themselves. This item was very important to all of them and they were eager to get back to work.

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Buddy Squirrel: I move to reopen the topic.

Ralph Badger: I second the motion.

Chester: All right. How many in favor?

Paws and hands went up around the room.

Chester: How many opposed?

Dead silence.

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Chester: The motion passed. Ballou, please turn on the recorder.

Ballou Bear, whose mother was a huge movie fan, flipped the switch. It was so much easier to get started now that they could record rather than manually write down the notes. The simians had insisted on the purchase. They were tired of always being the ones to write.

Chester: The best way to start is to identify exactly what we mean by insults. Remember the rules: no talking over others, no arguing with someone’s ideas, and no intimidation. One idea per animal. If you choose to present multiple ideas, wait until after the others have had their turn.

The animals quickly lined up to speak:

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“catty/catfight” – Why is it that when two women say nasty things to each other it’s being catty? We’re not mean. But even worse, if they end up actually hitting each other, it’s a catfight? Everyone knows that most of us don’t fight, and if we do, it’s most likely the males.

“eat like a pig/act like a pig” – Where did we get the reputation that we’re sloppy and eat too much? We’re actually clean animals; we use the mud to cool off. And we don’t eat that much compared to what we weight. We’re this big because of the way we’re made, not because we eat too much.

“dog-faced/dog” – Why are we the standard for ugly? We’re just like every other species. Some of us are good looking, some not so much. But to classify all of us as ugly is just mean.

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“eat like a bird” – They say it like it’s some kind of eating disorder. We eat like we do because we have beaks. We can’t pick up a lot of food at one time. We eat all through the day; we need energy for flying.

“ugly duckling” – This insult is just rude. Why would you call someone’s child ugly? We know it’s because the baby swan didn’t look like the baby ducks, but that doesn’t mean it was really ugly.

“batty/bats in the belfry” – What makes us the standard for crazy? We fly at night, but so do owls, and they’re supposed to be wise. As far as hanging out in a belfry, it’s a good place to sleep. It’s high, it’s isolated, and the humans can’t get at us.

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“a leopard can’t change his spots” – Of course we can’t. That would be like asking them to change their skin. Why does that get connected to people who can’t change their bad habits? Our fur is not something that should be changed.

“big as a cow” – we agree with the pigs. Just because we’re made a certain way doesn’t entitle humans to use it to insult other humans. Maybe they should be more like us and just accept each other.

“badger someone” – We’re persistent and thorough. How did that get translated into a person who becomes offensive trying to make a point? It seems like they don’t even understand how any of us really are.

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The other animals all nodded in agreement.

Chester: I think that’s a good start. Now we need a few animals to draft our petition to the humans. Is anyone interested?

A bear, two gorillas, and a beaver all agreed to work on something.

Chester: Does anyone want to schedule an extra meeting for next month to decide what our next steps will be?

Douglas Gorilla: So moved.

Ballou: Second.

The motion passed.

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Next week: Do the animals think the petition is ready to go to the humans?