Category Archives: cats

18

Bring a Human to School Day

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One of the things Thomas Tabby had been working on as Liaison to the Humans was finding new ways for the animals to interact with humans. He thought that if animals could see humans in different settings, it might make them more comfortable interacting with them. He thought that bringing small humans in to talk at the Felix T Khat Academy would be a good way for the young cats to interact with humans. Some of the cats had never seen a human before. Ms Oliver and five of her 10-year-old students were invited to speak at an assembly in the auditorium.

The visit was off to a rough start. On their way to the auditorium the students had walked through the halls filled with students and seemed a little overwhelmed by all of the cats.

Girl #1: Ooh! Look at all of the kitties! They’re so cute!

Girl #2: Ms Oliver, can we each take one of them home? They’re so fluffy!

Boy #1: Let me get one for you. Which one do you want?

Thomas, who was chaperoning the group, was appalled. He hissed at Ms. Oliver and spoke quickly to the interpreter, Mr Dudley.

Thomas: Tell them that if anyone touched one of the cats without asking permission, that would be the end of the trip. These cats came from good homes and were not up for adoption.

Mr Dudley relayed the information. The children looked disappointed.

Girl #1: I thought we were going to play with the kitties. Why can’t we touch them?

Ms Oliver: Cheeseland cats are different than cats where you live. They mostly don’t live with humans. We’re here as representatives of our species. They want to know more about humans.

Thomas: Okay , everyone. We’re going to wait here for a couple of minutes while the students all find a seat. I’ll introduce you, and the students will have an opportunity to ask you questions. Don’t be nervous.

Boy #2: This is weird. We’re supposed to answer questions from a bunch of cats?

Ms Oliver: Didn’t you listen to what I told you when you were chosen for this trip? You’re in Cheeseland. The animals run everything here. A lot of them have never met a human. It’s an honor to be here.

Boy #2: I guess. But it’s still weird.

Thomas is onstage, talking to the group.

Thomas: Hello everyone. My name is Thomas Tabby, and I am very excited to be here. I’m the Liaison to the Humans here in Cheeseland. My job is to make working and living with humans a little bit easier. Today we have five 10-year-old humans visiting us who are going to answer questions you might have about humans. Please welcome Ms Oliver and her students. They’ve come from Roosevelt Elementary in a town called Redford.

The humans walked onto the stage and stood next to Thomas. The felines were whispering to each other.

Thomas: Okay. Who has a question?

Jasmine: I’ll go first. Are all humans so big? And why do you only use your back legs?

The humans were puzzled. They were definitely not large by human standards, but they were also very large compared to some of the cats.

Girl #1: We’re pretty average size for human kids. We’re still growing, though.

Jasmine: So you’ll get bigger?

The children nodded.

Girl #1: I don’t know why we only use our back legs. It’s just the way we are.

Penelope: Do you eat cats?

Girl #2: Eww! No

Muffin: Are there cats where you live?

Girl #3: There are lots of cats where we live. But they don’t talk or go to school.

Muffin: Why not?

The children looked at Ms Oliver.

Ms Oliver: I’m not sure why it’s only the humans who talk and go to school where we live. You kitties would be an inspiration to them.

Giselle: Are you going to get jobs soon? Ten seems pretty old to still be in school.

Boy #1: No. Humans go to school for a long time.

Giselle: Do you live with your litter all that time?

Boy #1: Uhh. Pretty much, yeah.

Bronte: Do humans celebrate holidays?

Boy #2: Yes. We have a lot of them.

Bronte: What’s your favorite?

Boy #2: Halloween. It’s coming up in a couple of weeks.

Bronte: What’s Halloween?

Boy #2: It’s where we get dressed up and go out to get candy from our neighbors.

Girl #1: Yes. A lot of girls dress up like cats. It’s really cute.

Bronte: That’s really weird. You don’t look anything like cats.

Thomas: I think that’s about all the time we have for questions. Please thank our guests for coming over here today.

The cats purred appreciatively. On the ride back to their school, the children were pretty quiet.

Boy #1: I don’t think I’m going to tell anyone about this.

Girl #2: No one would believe it.

Since we had to break our “absolutely no pictures of humans” rule, we decided to go with Gemini AI cartoons,

17

Who Turned Out the Lights?

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Snoops: Can you believe what happened last week? I’m still annoyed.

Gypsy: What are you talking about?

Snoops: The power going out. We couldn’t post for the first time since Kommando and I took over.

Gypsy: Wow. That’s a long time.

Snoops: We even posted when our human dad crossed the bridge.

Sgt Stripes: And when Kommando joined him on the other side.

Angel: What does “the power went out” mean?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not really sure. It’s some kind of magic that makes the black boxes work.

Snoops: It does more than that. Didn’t you see how dark the house was?

Angel: I wonder if they’re sorry they planted all those trees.

Sgt Stripes: I hope not. They provide excellent Cat TV.

Gypsy: And it’s cooler with the shade.

Angel: We do have a lot fewer sun puddles.

Snoops: I don’t think Mom did a very good job with our litter boxes.

Sgt Stripes: It was hard to see things for a couple of days before the rain finally went away.

Gypsy: That wasn’t as bad as the water.

Angel: Yeah. That magic stuff must make our fountains run too.

Snoops: The human litter boxes didn’t work either. And Mom couldn’t wash any dishes.

Gypsy: Mom says the well has an electric pump. Whatever that means.

Sgt Stripes: I think it means they had to use rain water to make their litter stuff go down the drain.

Angel: That wouldn’t have happened if they used regular litter boxes.

Gypsy: Why were the humans around so much. We almost never see both of them hanging around that much.

Snoops: That’s why Mom was so mad. She had an extra day off on Monday for Labor Day. Then she took three days off last week to get rid of the fleas.

Sgt Stripes: Where did all of those fleas come from? This is the first time Mom’s had a problem with them biting her.

Gypsy: You know those big brown animals the humans think are so cute? I think they’re called groundhogs.

Sgt Stripes: Oh yeah. The giant mice.

Gypsy: Apparently they live under the outside porch, and they have fleas.

Angel: So what? We don’t go under the porch.

Gypsy: It doesn’t matter. The floor isn’t very well sealed, and the fleas came up through the inside porch.

Snoops: So when we were basking in those pawsome sun puddles, the fleas were finding a new home.

Sgt Stripes: Yuck! Why isn’t Mom doing something?

Snoops: Weren’t you listening? She took time off last week to handle it. She did a lot of cleaning on Wednesday. Then the power went out on Thursday and didn’t come back on until Monday afternoon.

Angel: It got fixed just in time. Mom was almost out of plates to feed us. She had to use the plates the humans use for cake because she ran out of our bowls.

Sgt Stripes: It’s the end of the week. Why do we still have fleas?

Gypsy: You know Mom had to work.

Sgt Stripes: She was here Wednesday.

Gypsy: She was sick. Didn’t you hear her coughing?

Sgt Stripes: It was a little annoying while I was trying to sleep on her. She still sounds pretty bad. Are we just going to be overrun?

Angel: I hope not. I really don’t like taking the medicine.

Snoops: Don’t worry. She said that she’s doing it this weekend.

Gypsy: Where are we going. I am not staying in a kennel.

Angel: Me either.

Sgt Stripes: Is that like the vet? I lost some very important stuff when I stayed overnight at the vet.

Snoops: Don’t panic everyone. She bought some kind of all natural flea stuff that doesn’t hurt animals. Once she sprays it, she has to vacuum every day for a month.

Angel: Vacuum every day? That sounds terrible.

Gypsy: It’s better than itching all the time.

Sgt Stripes: What about the groundhogs? Do they need to be flea-dipped?

Snoops: It probably would be a good idea.

Angel: I heard Mom say that she got some stuff to seal up the inside porch.

Snoops: Yeah. Once the fleas are gone, she’s going to make sure they can’t get back in.

Gypsy: Just in time for our fluff-a-licious winter coats to grow in.

AI pictures courtesy of Gemini AI

15

Cat Council: Late Summer

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Sgt Stripes: You’re probably wondering why I called this council.

Snoops: Definitely. There’s nothing going on to talk about.

Angel: Life is much more peaceful without the small humans.

Sgt Stripes: That’s true. But there are so many fewer treats being handed out.

Gypsy: He’s right about that. I heard Mom tell our human brother that she’s probably going to cut down the number of treats she orders from Chewy.

Snoops: She can’t do that. You know how hard it is to get something back in the budget after they cut it out.

Angel: She might forget what we really like.

Sgt Stripes: We definitely need to protect the treats, but that’s not why we’re here.

Snoops: Then why are we here?

Sgt Stripes: Do any of you read the blog? Our blog?

Snoops: Of course I do. Kommando and I rescued it from obscurity. We’re the ones who hired the mice and tightened the focus. All animals, all the time.

Sgt Stripes: That’s great. But when was the last time you were featured? Bet you can’t remember.

Gypsy: What’s your point, Stripes?

Sgt Stripes: It’s been a long time since anyone got an update on what we’re doing.

Angel: What did you want to tell them?

Sgt Stripes: Well… we got new windows at the end of May. They’re pretty nice, but then it got really hot and we couldn’t open them.

Snoops: That’s right. Now it’s cooled off, and the windows are still closed.

Gypsy: Mom says that’s because there are no cats on the main floor when she goes to work. That’s also why she doesn’t need as many treats. Morning Treat Time went from 4 cats to zero cats for a while.

Angel: It was really hot.

Snoops: And the basement is nice and cool. I can’t believe they don’t have air conditioning. Mom says it’s because it’s an old farmhouse and isn’t set up for it. I think she just doesn’t want to pay to get the house updated.

Angel: It is really nice in the basement since they sealed it up last year. No more smelling like mildew or walking through muck.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know why Mom felt deserted. You never left, Gypsy.

Gypsy: Yeah, but you know how I am. I pick a spot and pretty much don’t move for a couple of months. I really like the new kitchen window. So, I’m not really doing cuddles at the moment.

Angel: I’m becoming really attached to my spot in the basement.

Snoops: Me too. We’ve even got our own litterbox. I’m upstairs more than Angel. She only shows up for breakfast. Doesn’t even stick around for morning treats.

Gypsy: It was actually kind of nice being the only one upstairs.

Sgt Stripes: I got bored being downstairs all the time.

Angel: Exactly what is your new routine? It seems like you’ve disappeared from downstairs.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t really like it down there except when it’s really hot. There’s no place soft to sleep. I think you ladies will move back upstairs when it gets a little cooler.

Angel: What do you think, Snoops?

Snoops: He’s probably right. It’s pretty cold down here in the winter. And we have the house to ourselves most of the days.

Sgt Stripes: I’m getting the treat schedule back on track. I’m sleeping with Mom so I’m getting morning and evening treats again. You guys are on your own to make sure you don’t miss out.

Gypsy: I thought you wanted to talk about the blog. Why are we still talking about treats?

Snoops: Yeah. This is cutting into my naptime.

Angel: Are we looking for things to write about?

Sgt Stripes: Yes. But it has to be about us. Enough cute bears and hedgehogs.

Gypsy: We could tell them about the great flea scare.

Angel: Yuck. Who wants to hear about fleas.

Snoops: How about our new window seats?

Gypsy: You mean the ones nobody uses?

Sgt Stripes: I know! Mom’s doing fall cleaning this week. We can help!

The other cats nod in agreement, happy to be at the end of the meeting.

15

Interview with Onyx

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(Ed Note – We know you were expecting the ending to June’s camping trip with the bears. Cat is sick; so Onyx agreed to writing this week’s post. Please come back next week for the conclusion of the story.)

Lightning here! Today, I am going to be interviewing Onyx, whose primary human is Blondie. Since renturning home, Blondie has required a lot of therapaw services from Onyx. I’m sitting down and dissecting a day in the life as the primary emotional support kitty.

Lightning: “Hi, Onyx. Thanks for sitting down with me. Why don’t we start with a general day in the life of…”

Onyx: “Hi, Lightning. My days are pretty strenuous. Blondie wakes up between 6 and 7, so I need to be up nice and early to anticipate her needs.”

Lightning: “That is early. Do you at least get a special breakfast treat?”

Onyx: “Nope. The little humans get food, but they’re much whinier than I am. So I get ignored, aside from the occasional pat.”

Lightning: “What happens after breakfast?”

Onyx: “Well, Blondie hasn’t returned to work yet, although she’s doing that Tuesday. But while she was off work, she would usually drop off the little humans at their school, then come home and nap with me. This is my favorite part of the day. Unfortunately, once she’s back at work, I fear my mid-morning naps with Blondie will be cancelled.”

Lightning: “That sounds nice. So is that all you do? Nap support?”

Onyx: “Not at all! We wake up at 12:30 to have lunch. Still no special treat, but at least the little humans aren’t around wrecking havoc everywhere.” 

Lightning: “Naps and meal duty. Sounds like my kind of job! Do you do any sort of work that involves leaving the realm of being a cat?

Onyx: “Of course! At 1:00 we start something called IOP (Intensive Outpatient Therapy). Or sometimes we meet with her clinicians. 

Lightning: “Ooohhh, that sounds exciting!” 

Onyx: “It really is. I get to be the star of the Zoom call. I get all sorts of awws and accolades. 

Lightning: “So what do you do during these IOP meetings?”

Onyx: “Well, it’s very important that I am physically on Blondie to help manage her anxiety. If I sense a panic attack creeping up, I go into action. I stick my nose in her ear and purr to get her to calm down. She can also hug me and pet me for a tactile distraction. I also provide tech support by making various screens appear on her computer and typing out words that make a lot of sense in Cat, but not so much in Human. 

Lightning: “That sounds strenuous. How long do you have to do this for?”

Onyx: “Well, she has 3 different meetings, one from 1-2, one from 2:15-3, and one from 3:15-4. There are snacks and a break in those missing 15 minutes. I do take advantage of the breaks to use the litter box, eat (since I still don’t get any good treats!), and stretch. 

Lightning: “So you’re in action for a looooong time. How do you avoid napping?”

Onyx: “I don’t. Assuming Blondie’s heart rate and breathing are stable, I happily fall asleep on her keyboard.”

Lightning: “That sounds like a solid plan. What happens when IOP is over?”

Onyx: “Unfortunately, it’s time to pick up the mini humans. They’re really loud. I don’t like loud. So I hide out in my cubby until Blondie replenishes the kibble.”

Lightning: “All of that work, and still no special treats?”

Onyx: “Nope.”

Lightning: “She needs to realize how lucky she is to have you.”

Onyx: “I agree! I do everything for her. I love her, but her lack of gratitude is wearing thin.”

Lightning: “Maybe you need to take a day or two off. Show her what she’s really missing. 

Onyx: “You know, that’s not a bad idea. I might take that one up!” 

Lightning: “Thanks for the interview, Onyx”. 

Onyx: “Any time, Lightning.”

22

Introducing Lightening Kat

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Hi all! It’s Lightning, here for my first blog post! Unfortunately, it has been a bit of a bumpy road. One of my two big humans has abandoned me! Blondie has been admitted into some sort of long term care facility for an “eating disorder “. I’m not really sure what that means; maybe she didn’t have enough prey to hunt? All I know is, she’s been gone for a really long time. And I miss her.

There are only 4 servants to pamper me as it is, and now I’m down to three. And two of the three don’t really count, as they’re human kittens and can’t reach the treat box to spoil me with extra treats. So that leaves one human. And both Onyx and Thunder think he should pay attention to them. So here I am, all alone and abandoned.

But it’s really Blondie who’s been missing out! While she’s been gone, I’ve become a master at Pounce (much to Onyx’s chagrin). I also graduated from kitten chow to adult kibble (this wasn’t really something she planned on. I was supposed to stay on kitten chow for six to twelve months. But the big kitties have endless kibble, so I decided to advocate for myself and start eating theirs. It’s really yummy). I’m also getting really long. I’m going to be a big kitty when I grow up! 

There are some things I miss about her. Like I mentioned above, I’m down to one human (although the younger of the two human kittens is my buddy). This means less cuddles, especially at bedtime, when Thunder steals the big human. I also don’t get nearly enough pets and cuddles with her gone. Our food and treats are not continually full. And I don’t have a constant stream of attention focused solely on me.

But she’s missing out on more. Like seeing me grow, or me learning how to hunt (I’m really good at getting jingly balls and the red dot). And she’s missing cuddles before it gets too hot. If I had known I was coming into a sick household, I would have asserted claim over the remaining big human. Or I would have sat on her for a really long time so she couldn’t leave. But no one warned me, and now I’m down a human. But that’s okay, I’ll just train the little one. 

The other cats are pretty cool. I love playing Pounce with Onyx! She hisses and growls at me, but still engages in the game. Thunder is less fun to play with; she always hides under the bed. But luckily we both fit under there, so she can still play with me! They can also thank me for getting an additional litter box; now there are bathroom options throughout the apartment. 

They haven’t been great about my missing human; Onyx says she does this a lot, and Thunder offered no advice on how to get her to come home. Maybe I’ll leave a trail of treats leading to our apartment. I miss her. As you can see, my life is pretty stressful without a human! I guess I’ll have to get started on that treat trail in the hope it brings her home. 

25

And Now…A Word from the Cats

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The lady cats decided they needed to talk to Sgt Stripes. Since Gypsy is only one who really gets along with him, she started.

Gypsy: Hey, Stripes. How’s it going?

Sgt Stripes: Not bad. How about you?

Gypsy: We were all wondering why you were getting so much more time in the blog than we are.

Sgt Stripes: Probably because I work in Cheeseland rather than lying around in the sun all day.

Snoops: Everyone knows you only got that job because you’re a tabby.

Sgt Stripes: Tabbies do kinda rock.

Angel: Don’t let it go to your head.

Gypsy: You did do a good job with the Mayor. He sounds exhausting.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. I’m guessing he’ll be out the door before too long.

Gypsy: Are you going to be his new Chief of Staff?

Sgt Stripes: Not a chance. I need to concentrate on the home front for a bit.

Angel: What’s wrong here?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t want to point a paw at anyone, but the dynamic has shifted a bit in the last few weeks.

Snoops: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes hesitated.

Gypsy: You know what’s going on. You’re at the center of it.

Angel: What are you two talking about?

Gypsy: After the boys left, we had a pretty good dynamic. You and Snoops had the first floor, I had the second floor, and Sgt Stripes bounced between them.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. Snoops pretty much deserted the second floor when I first got here and never really went back up.

Snoops: You know that we older cats can get into a rut with our routines.

Angel: And Snoops was sick for a while earlier in the year.

Snoops: I was NOT as sick as Mom thought I was. It was mainly stress. Now I’m back to myself.

Sgt Stripes: You mean trying to rule over both floors?

Snoops: I am the Empress. I go where I please. You notice I don’t have any problems getting up and down the stairs.

Angel: It was kind of funny how Mom put out more litter boxes to make it easier for you.

Sgt Stripes: We all appreciate the new convenience. The new ones are more popular than the old ones.

Snoops: I do like choices.

Sgt Stripes: Now that you’re upstairs at bedtime, we’re running out of bedtime treats. It was bad enough sharing with Gypsy after she came back upstairs. Now Mom needs to order more of my favorite bedtime treat.

Snoops: That’s not my fault. I don’t like beef and liver.

Gypsy: That’s kind of weird, Snoops. They are delicious.

Sgt Stripes: Gypsy, you know those were my favorite. You’ve kind of taken over treat time. And the best seat in the bedroom.

Gypsy: What do you mean?

Sgt Stripes: The cat tree has really good cat TV and you’ve taken it over.

Gypsy: The other window looks out on a bunch of trees. That’s good cat TV too.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah, but it’s not as comfortable. I guess that’s okay because my non-fur sib has really good cat TV too.

Angel: So what is your point? It sounds like you’ve got it pretty good.

Sgt Stripes: Umm. Oh yeah. Gypsy’s taken over my prime treat spot. I’ve been getting nighttime treats on the nightstand for years. Now when she hears Mom coming upstairs, Gypsy races to MY treat spot. Even though Mom gives Gypsy hers on the cat tree SHE STOLE FROM ME.

Angel: Okay. So things have changed a little. Everybody is probably a little cranky from the heat.

Gypsy: The no AC thing was tough this week. We couldn’t even open the windows at night for a couple of days.

Snoops: That was unpleasant. Glad it finally cooled down enough to open things up this morning.

Sgt Stripes: The new windows downstairs are cat-astic! And there’s finally enough room for everyone to have a window.

Angel: Life is pretty good here, after all.

The other cats nod.

15

House Hunting in Cheeseland – Part 2

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Muffy and Biff were looking for a place to live together. Their first day of looking had not gone well. You can read about it here. Muffy had been doing most of the research, and she was getting discouraged. They were on their way to look at more places.

Muffy: I can’t believe how hard this is. I must have spent three hours looking at pictures on KittyConnector and another two hours talking to our realtor Drusilla. She is so frustrating.

Biff: What do you mean?

Muffy: She has certain places she wants to sell, and I keep telling her I know what we want. I hope we find something today.

Drusilla is standing in the parking lot of her office when they arrive.

Drusilla: I’m glad you made it. I know you’re frustrated Muffy, but it takes a while to find the perfect spot.

They get into Drusilla’s car and take off.

Biff: Where are we going today?

Drusilla: I know you guys want something with a lot of windows. This place has a view of Critter Lake. It’s close to shopping and the price is really good.

Muffy: That sounds nice.

Drusilla pulls up in front of a row of townhouses. Biff looks around.

Biff: I don’t understand how this place can have a view of the lake. Those houses across the road are actually on the lake.

Drusilla: Let’s go inside and see what it looks like.

Muffy: Seems like a waste of time.

Biff: We’re already here. Let’s look around. Maybe there’s still a view.

They go inside and look around. It looks nice but the windows look directly on the houses across the street.

Drusilla: I think I found the view!

Muffy: Ooh! Let’s see.

Drusilla: If you look directly out the last window, it lines up with a break in the houses across the street.

Muffy: That is not lake view.

 Biff: What else do you have?

Drusilla: It’s an apartment in town.

Biff: That might be okay. It would be close to everything we might need. Let’s go.

They pull into a parking lot downtown and walk to the apartment. It’s on Main Street, and there are shops up and down the street.

Muffy: It does have a good location. Let’s see what it looks like.

Biff: This is really nice. It has real wood floors and windows all across the front. It gets a lot of light.

Muffy: It has enough space for an office and a game room. I think it has definite possibilities.

Suddenly, there was a crash and the sound of breaking glass. The cats all jumped.

Muffy: What on earth was that?

Drusilla: That’s the downstairs tenant.

Muffy: Are they fighting?

Drusilla: No. The apartment is above a small restaurant.

Muffy: What kind of small resBifftaurant?

Biff (looking at his cell phone): It’s above Dino’s Sports Bar. They’re open until 2 am every night.

Muffy: That’s a definite no for me.

Drusilla: All I have left is an upstairs apartment just north of town.

Biff: We might as well look.

Muffy: This has not been a good day.

Biff: One more place won’t hurt.

Muffy: I guess.

They pull up outside a large house. There is a large bear on the porch. She comes down to meet them.

Bear: Welcome! My name is Chloe, and I own the house.

Drusilla: Hello. These cats are here to look at the apartment. I apologize. I didn’t realize you were a bear. Are you looking for a bear tenant?

Chloe: Not necessarily. My husband is gone, and I have this very large house. I just want some company once in a while. (She looks at Muffy and Biff.) Are you interested in looking at the apartment?

Biff: I don’t mean to be rude. Do you eat cats?

Muffy: Biff! Don’t say that. You’re embarrassing me.

Chloe (laughing): That’s okay. I am a rather large bear. No, I don’t eat cats. I’m pretty much a vegetarian these days. Although I do like fish when I get some. Come inside and look around.

Muffy: You have a beautiful home, Chloe.

Chloe: Thank you. Here are the stairs to the apartment. It also has a private entrance at the back of the house.

She led them upstairs. Muffy and Biff looked around and were speechless. On one side of the apartment was almost entirely glass including a sliding glass door to a balcony. The view was a field and a forest beyond it. There was a full kitchen with plenty of room for entertaining.

Drusilla: What do you think?

Muffy: We want it. when can we move in?

All pictures created by Gemini AI.

24

House Hunting in Cheeseland

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Muffy and Biff had been together for about two years and decided they wanted to move in together. They were making a list of what they were looking for.

Muffy: We need lots of windows for sun puddles.

Biff: And close to shopping. I might need to make a late-night kibble run.

Muffy: Close to our families.

Biff: But not too close.

Muffy: What’s that supposed to mean? I love my family.

Biff: I know. But we want to be independent.

Muffy: Hmmph. It needs to be affordable.

Biff: Do you know what part of town you’d like?

Muffy: Not really. But I’d like to be close to a milk bar. And maybe a yoga studio.

Biff: Okay let’s see what’s available in KittyConnector in our price range.

They found several places that looked like possibilities. They contacted a KittyConnector agent and set up an appointment for the following weekend. They met at her office.

Biff: Hi, we’re Muffy and Biff. We have an appointment with Drusilla.

Drusilla: That’s me. I booked the places you are interested in. Ready to go?

Muffy and Biff followed her out and got into her car.

Drusilla: Let’s start with the furthest place and work our way back to the office. The first stop is the place on Cranberry Lake. It’s a beautiful location. Lots of space and plenty of small animals to keep you entertained.

Muffy: It seems to be taking a lot of time to get there. Are we even in town anymore?

Drusilla: Technically, it is within the town limits. We’re here!

Muffy: There’s no house here. It’s just a barn.

Drusilla: Plenty of cats live in barns. Just look at the view.

Muffy: I am not living in a barn. Let’s move on.

Drusilla: All right. The next stop is an apartment on Willow Road. It’s a high-rise on the river. It’s close to everything and gets excellent reviews from the tenants.

Biff: That sounds better. Let’s check it out.

They took an elevator to the tenth floor, and walked into the available apartment.

Drusilla (reading from a brochure): This place has several really nice features: in-apartment washer and dryer, sunken bathtub, and built-in vacuum system.

Biff and Muffy looked at each other in confusion.

Muffy: Why would a cat want any of those features? A built-in vacuum sounds terrifying.

Drusilla: Those aren’t intended to attract cats.

Biff: So who lives here?

Drusilla: It was built for humans, but anyone can live here.

Biff: How many of the apartments have humans in them?

Drusilla: It says approximately 85%.

Muffy: Let’s get out of here. I’ve been afraid of humans since a small human pulled my tail. Really hard.

Drusilla: Okay. On to the duplex on Maple.

Biff: Sounds good.

They pulled up to a beautiful house with lots of windows. The location was good too. Before they could get out of the car, one of the door opened, and two dogs came out. The dogs were having some sort of fight, with lots of snarling and bared teeth.

Muffy: Who are they? Are they moving out of the flat we’re interested in?

Drusilla: Umm, no. That   is currently empty. The dogs would be your neighbors.

Biff: In the same house? Sharing walls?

Drusilla: That is correct.

Biff: Not interested. What’s next?

Drusilla: The rental on Concord.

They arrived at a big, old house. It was well maintained. Biff and Muffy were hopeful as they got out of the car, and rang the doorbell. A large, fluffy calico opened the door.

Calico: Hello.

Drusilla: Hi. My clients are interested in the space you have for rent.

Calico: Welcome! I’ll show you the room.

Biff: Room? Isn’t it an apartment?

As they walked through the house, they saw a group of cats working on a puzzle in the front room. There were also a few cats in the kitchen.

Calico: No, we don’t have apartments. Everything is communal, except the sleeping quarters. We divide everything else up.

Muffy: So we wouldn’t really have our own space?

Calico: No, we don’t believe in individual property. You would have chores to do for the greater good.

Muffy: That’s just weird. Cats don’t like to share.

Calico: You really don’t seem like a fit for our commune. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Muffy and Biff left the house feeling very dejected. Nothing was even close to what they were looking for. There had to be a better way to find somewhere to live.

Next week: The search continues.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

34

Onyx: Tails from the New Front

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Onyx here. And I have some… interesting… news. My human brought home a kitten.  A little black, white, fluffy ball of terror. She calls him Lightning. So far, he’s better than Thunder. (Thunder is the tabby who looks like a smaller Sgt Stripes.) But barely. She didn’t even ask me. Just disappeared with the cat carrier and came home announcing “Onyx, this is Lightning.”

*

No “hey, can we bring this intruder in?”, no extra treats or cuddles, not even extra kibble. But he’s not entirely bad. He’s kind of cute. And he’s less annoying than Thunder. Here’s what the first two weeks of Lightning have been like: 

Week 1:

— A small puffy creature arrives. He smells funny and he squeaks. But he’s cute (not as cute as me). 

–This puff plays with everything- his tail, my tail (not cool!) Thunder’s tail (pretty funny)… wrappers, rubber bands… it’s endless

–He really, really likes Pounce. Not sure how I feel about this. 

–Thunder does NOT like him. Serves her right. Now she sees how it feels to have an annoying little sibling. 

–He’s not litter trained! Horrors of all horrors! How disgusting! 

–He’s  eating my food… but so does Thunder… 

Week 2: 

— I’m starting to like this spunky little puff… he shares the food dish with me! 

–He is litter trained! Miracles do happen! And his litter box is cleaner than the one I share with Thunder. Score! 

–Maybe I don’t like him… he doesn’t understand hisses.  

–Nah, he’s okay.  He also cuddles. 

–Ewww…. he likes swimming in the human litter box… ewww…

–He steals MY human at night!!!! Major strike!!! 

Overall, I rate him a 6/10… pretty high if you ask me. I still think being an only cat would be better, but I prefer him to Thunder. Mom says we’re BFFs but I think she’s full of it. I’m only being nice to him until I get to know him better. 

Notes from the Editors – We apologize for being behind in visiting. We lost both power and the Internet this past week. Additionally, some of your blogs will now only open in Firefox (we have a Chromebook) and some will only open in JetPack (only on our mobile devices).

17

A CatForce Job Applicant

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Cat On Computer - Marin Humane

Archie was tired of living at home. He wanted to get his own place so he could get away from the new batch of kittens and all the rules his mother had. He wasn’t really what he wanted to do with his life. A buddy of his had found a pretty good spot as rodent control at a bakery. He told Archie to try CatForce.

Archie looked at the website: CatForce: Cats and Humans Working Together. Hmm. Barney hadn’t said anything about all of the jobs being with humans. He decided to give it a try.

So why do cats like laser-dots?. A scientific verse+video mashup, by… | by Organic Bandwidth | Real/Digital Hybrid Living | Medium

Step 1: Building your profile. That looked simple enough. The first section was easy: name, address, and contact information.

Step 2: What experience do you have? Archie thought. He didn’t have any experience working with humans.

Step 3: What skills do you have? General cat-type skills: hunting, pouncing, excellent at laser tag.

Wet Cat In The Rain Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Step 4: List three strengths: patient. (Rats! Why didn’t Barney tell him how hard this was going to be?) persistent, tidy

Step 5: List three weaknesses: can sleep anywhere (maybe that’s a strength?), don’t like rain, short attention span (sometimes; if it’s not about me)

Then the questions.

Purr-manently confused! Tilly the cat looks forever perplexed

On a scale of 1-10. how much do you like humans? Maybe 5? I don’t know any.

Do you want to work inside or outside? Inside. I don’t like bad weather.

Do you want to work days or nights? Either

Petting Aggression: Why Cats Bite the Hand They Love & What to Do (Vet-Approved) - Catster

Do you want a place to live on your job site or go home at the end of your shift? Depends on the job

Do you have any record of attacking humans? No.

Thank you for answering all of the questions. We are working on a list of the types of jobs you would match with as well as a list of jobs we would not recommend for you.

Recommended: Shop Cat, Library Cat, Factory Cat

Not Recommended: Barn Cat, Farm Cat, Lap Cat

Would you like to see open jobs in your Recommended categories? You can choose See More to look at details or Pass to remove it from your list of opportunities. Isn’t the point of answering all the questions? Yes, I want to see the jobs.

Cat smells owner's foot and retches – Michael Broad

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – See More (maybe there will be birds there)

Rodent Control Nick’s Shoe Emporium – Pass (ugh; naked human feet)

Rodent Control Nikki’s Noodle House – Pass (I don’t like noodles)

Why Your Cat Likes Sleeping on the Bed With or Without You | PawTracks

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – See More (sounds like there might be ice cream)

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – See More (getting paid to sleep = cat Nirvana)

Display Model Cats and More – See More (possibly another sleeping opportunity)

CatForce processes the information and presents the following job descriptions:

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – Become a valued member of our team. The Acme Feather Company has been creating cat toys for over fifteen years. The bins of feathers need to be protected from the teeth of the rodents in the warehouse. Excellent pay with top-of-the line benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie set up an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – Our apologies. The Health Department has required us to remove this posting.

Maine Coon vs mixed-breed short haired cat size comparison : r/interestingasfuck

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – Looking for someone to join our mattress testing team. The ideal candidate will be able to sleep on demand and give feedback on the quality of the mattress. Benefits include our state-of-the-art snack bar and competitive pay/benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose a spot on Monday morning.

Cat furniture by CatsPlay - CatsPlay Superstore

Display Model Cats and More – You know us from our unique cat trees and kitty condos. Be a part of our sales team. Work in the showroom demonstrating how comfortable our products really are. Excellent employee discount program. Vacations and health benefits programs. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose Monday afternoon.

I Bought a GIANT CAT TREE and My Cats Loved It!

Follow-up: Archie went to all three interviews. He chose the job at Cats and More. The humans were really nice and the products were extremely comfortable. The Acme Feather Company position was overnight, and Archie was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stay awake. The job at the State Street Spring and Mattress involved sleeping with strange humans. Archie was uncomfortable with the whole idea.

Why Do Cats Sleep So Much? Common Feline Sleep FAQs

Non-AI pictures courtesy of Google Images