House Hunting in Cheeseland – Part 2

May 2, 2026 | cat9984

Muffy and Biff were looking for a place to live together. Their first day of looking had not gone well. You can read about it here. Muffy had been doing most of the research, and she was getting discouraged. They were on their way to look at more places.

Muffy: I can’t believe how hard this is. I must have spent three hours looking at pictures on KittyConnector and another two hours talking to our realtor Drusilla. She is so frustrating.

Biff: What do you mean?

Muffy: She has certain places she wants to sell, and I keep telling her I know what we want. I hope we find something today.

Drusilla is standing in the parking lot of her office when they arrive.

Drusilla: I’m glad you made it. I know you’re frustrated Muffy, but it takes a while to find the perfect spot.

They get into Drusilla’s car and take off.

Biff: Where are we going today?

Drusilla: I know you guys want something with a lot of windows. This place has a view of Critter Lake. It’s close to shopping and the price is really good.

Muffy: That sounds nice.

Drusilla pulls up in front of a row of townhouses. Biff looks around.

Biff: I don’t understand how this place can have a view of the lake. Those houses across the road are actually on the lake.

Drusilla: Let’s go inside and see what it looks like.

Muffy: Seems like a waste of time.

Biff: We’re already here. Let’s look around. Maybe there’s still a view.

They go inside and look around. It looks nice but the windows look directly on the houses across the street.

Drusilla: I think I found the view!

Muffy: Ooh! Let’s see.

Drusilla: If you look directly out the last window, it lines up with a break in the houses across the street.

Muffy: That is not lake view.

Biff: What else do you have?

Drusilla: It’s an apartment in town.

Biff: That might be okay. It would be close to everything we might need. Let’s go.

They pull into a parking lot downtown and walk to the apartment. It’s on Main Street, and there are shops up and down the street.

Muffy: It does have a good location. Let’s see what it looks like.

Biff: This is really nice. It has real wood floors and windows all across the front. It gets a lot of light.

Muffy: It has enough space for an office and a game room. I think it has definite possibilities.

Suddenly, there was a crash and the sound of breaking glass. The cats all jumped.

Muffy: What on earth was that?

Drusilla: That’s the downstairs tenant.

Muffy: Are they fighting?

Drusilla: No. The apartment is above a small restaurant.

Muffy: What kind of small resBifftaurant?

Biff (looking at his cell phone): It’s above Dino’s Sports Bar. They’re open until 2 am every night.

Muffy: That’s a definite no for me.

Drusilla: All I have left is an upstairs apartment just north of town.

Biff: We might as well look.

Muffy: This has not been a good day.

Biff: One more place won’t hurt.

Muffy: I guess.

They pull up outside a large house. There is a large bear on the porch. She comes down to meet them.

Bear: Welcome! My name is Chloe, and I own the house.

Drusilla: Hello. These cats are here to look at the apartment. I apologize. I didn’t realize you were a bear. Are you looking for a bear tenant?

Chloe: Not necessarily. My husband is gone, and I have this very large house. I just want some company once in a while. (She looks at Muffy and Biff.) Are you interested in looking at the apartment?

Biff: I don’t mean to be rude. Do you eat cats?

Muffy: Biff! Don’t say that. You’re embarrassing me.

Chloe (laughing): That’s okay. I am a rather large bear. No, I don’t eat cats. I’m pretty much a vegetarian these days. Although I do like fish when I get some. Come inside and look around.

Muffy: You have a beautiful home, Chloe.

Chloe: Thank you. Here are the stairs to the apartment. It also has a private entrance at the back of the house.

She led them upstairs. Muffy and Biff looked around and were speechless. On one side of the apartment was almost entirely glass including a sliding glass door to a balcony. The view was a field and a forest beyond it. There was a full kitchen with plenty of room for entertaining.

Drusilla: What do you think?

Muffy: We want it. when can we move in?

All pictures created by Gemini AI.

House Hunting in Cheeseland

April 25, 2026 | cat9984

Muffy and Biff had been together for about two years and decided they wanted to move in together. They were making a list of what they were looking for.

Muffy: We need lots of windows for sun puddles.

Biff: And close to shopping. I might need to make a late-night kibble run.

Muffy: Close to our families.

Biff: But not too close.

Muffy: What’s that supposed to mean? I love my family.

Biff: I know. But we want to be independent.

Muffy: Hmmph. It needs to be affordable.

Biff: Do you know what part of town you’d like?

Muffy: Not really. But I’d like to be close to a milk bar. And maybe a yoga studio.

Biff: Okay let’s see what’s available in KittyConnector in our price range.

They found several places that looked like possibilities. They contacted a KittyConnector agent and set up an appointment for the following weekend. They met at her office.

Biff: Hi, we’re Muffy and Biff. We have an appointment with Drusilla.

Drusilla: That’s me. I booked the places you are interested in. Ready to go?

Muffy and Biff followed her out and got into her car.

Drusilla: Let’s start with the furthest place and work our way back to the office. The first stop is the place on Cranberry Lake. It’s a beautiful location. Lots of space and plenty of small animals to keep you entertained.

Muffy: It seems to be taking a lot of time to get there. Are we even in town anymore?

Drusilla: Technically, it is within the town limits. We’re here!

Muffy: There’s no house here. It’s just a barn.

Drusilla: Plenty of cats live in barns. Just look at the view.

Muffy: I am not living in a barn. Let’s move on.

Drusilla: All right. The next stop is an apartment on Willow Road. It’s a high-rise on the river. It’s close to everything and gets excellent reviews from the tenants.

Biff: That sounds better. Let’s check it out.

They took an elevator to the tenth floor, and walked into the available apartment.

Drusilla (reading from a brochure): This place has several really nice features: in-apartment washer and dryer, sunken bathtub, and built-in vacuum system.

Biff and Muffy looked at each other in confusion.

Muffy: Why would a cat want any of those features? A built-in vacuum sounds terrifying.

Drusilla: Those aren’t intended to attract cats.

Biff: So who lives here?

Drusilla: It was built for humans, but anyone can live here.

Biff: How many of the apartments have humans in them?

Drusilla: It says approximately 85%.

Muffy: Let’s get out of here. I’ve been afraid of humans since a small human pulled my tail. Really hard.

Drusilla: Okay. On to the duplex on Maple.

Biff: Sounds good.

They pulled up to a beautiful house with lots of windows. The location was good too. Before they could get out of the car, one of the door opened, and two dogs came out. The dogs were having some sort of fight, with lots of snarling and bared teeth.

Muffy: Who are they? Are they moving out of the flat we’re interested in?

Drusilla: Umm, no. That is currently empty. The dogs would be your neighbors.

Biff: In the same house? Sharing walls?

Drusilla: That is correct.

Biff: Not interested. What’s next?

Drusilla: The rental on Concord.

They arrived at a big, old house. It was well maintained. Biff and Muffy were hopeful as they got out of the car, and rang the doorbell. A large, fluffy calico opened the door.

Calico: Hello.

Drusilla: Hi. My clients are interested in the space you have for rent.

Calico: Welcome! I’ll show you the room.

Biff: Room? Isn’t it an apartment?

As they walked through the house, they saw a group of cats working on a puzzle in the front room. There were also a few cats in the kitchen.

Calico: No, we don’t have apartments. Everything is communal, except the sleeping quarters. We divide everything else up.

Muffy: So we wouldn’t really have our own space?

Calico: No, we don’t believe in individual property. You would have chores to do for the greater good.

Muffy: That’s just weird. Cats don’t like to share.

Calico: You really don’t seem like a fit for our commune. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Muffy and Biff left the house feeling very dejected. Nothing was even close to what they were looking for. There had to be a better way to find somewhere to live.

Next week: The search continues.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

Onyx: Tails from the New Front

April 18, 2026 | cat9984

Onyx here. And I have some… interesting… news. My human brought home a kitten. A little black, white, fluffy ball of terror. She calls him Lightning. So far, he’s better than Thunder. (Thunder is the tabby who looks like a smaller Sgt Stripes.) But barely. She didn’t even ask me. Just disappeared with the cat carrier and came home announcing “Onyx, this is Lightning.”

No “hey, can we bring this intruder in?”, no extra treats or cuddles, not even extra kibble. But he’s not entirely bad. He’s kind of cute. And he’s less annoying than Thunder. Here’s what the first two weeks of Lightning have been like:

Week 1:

— A small puffy creature arrives. He smells funny and he squeaks. But he’s cute (not as cute as me).

–This puff plays with everything- his tail, my tail (not cool!) Thunder’s tail (pretty funny)… wrappers, rubber bands… it’s endless

–He really, really likes Pounce. Not sure how I feel about this.

–Thunder does NOT like him. Serves her right. Now she sees how it feels to have an annoying little sibling.

–He’s not litter trained! Horrors of all horrors! How disgusting!

–He’s eating my food… but so does Thunder…

Week 2:

— I’m starting to like this spunky little puff… he shares the food dish with me!

–He is litter trained! Miracles do happen! And his litter box is cleaner than the one I share with Thunder. Score!

–Maybe I don’t like him… he doesn’t understand hisses.

–Nah, he’s okay. He also cuddles.

–Ewww…. he likes swimming in the human litter box… ewww…

–He steals MY human at night!!!! Major strike!!!

Overall, I rate him a 6/10… pretty high if you ask me. I still think being an only cat would be better, but I prefer him to Thunder. Mom says we’re BFFs but I think she’s full of it. I’m only being nice to him until I get to know him better.

Notes from the Editors – We apologize for being behind in visiting. We lost both power and the Internet this past week. Additionally, some of your blogs will now only open in Firefox (we have a Chromebook) and some will only open in JetPack (only on our mobile devices).

A CatForce Job Applicant

March 21, 2026 | cat9984

Cat On Computer - Marin Humane

Archie was tired of living at home. He wanted to get his own place so he could get away from the new batch of kittens and all the rules his mother had. He wasn’t really what he wanted to do with his life. A buddy of his had found a pretty good spot as rodent control at a bakery. He told Archie to try CatForce.

Archie looked at the website: CatForce: Cats and Humans Working Together. Hmm. Barney hadn’t said anything about all of the jobs being with humans. He decided to give it a try.

So why do cats like laser-dots?. A scientific verse+video mashup, by… | by Organic Bandwidth | Real/Digital Hybrid Living | Medium

Step 1: Building your profile. That looked simple enough. The first section was easy: name, address, and contact information.

Step 2: What experience do you have? Archie thought. He didn’t have any experience working with humans.

Step 3: What skills do you have? General cat-type skills: hunting, pouncing, excellent at laser tag.

Wet Cat In The Rain Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Step 4: List three strengths: patient. (Rats! Why didn’t Barney tell him how hard this was going to be?) persistent, tidy

Step 5: List three weaknesses: can sleep anywhere (maybe that’s a strength?), don’t like rain, short attention span (sometimes; if it’s not about me)

Then the questions.

Purr-manently confused! Tilly the cat looks forever perplexed

On a scale of 1-10. how much do you like humans? Maybe 5? I don’t know any.

Do you want to work inside or outside? Inside. I don’t like bad weather.

Do you want to work days or nights? Either

Petting Aggression: Why Cats Bite the Hand They Love & What to Do (Vet-Approved) - Catster

Do you want a place to live on your job site or go home at the end of your shift? Depends on the job

Do you have any record of attacking humans? No.

Thank you for answering all of the questions. We are working on a list of the types of jobs you would match with as well as a list of jobs we would not recommend for you.

Recommended: Shop Cat, Library Cat, Factory Cat

Not Recommended: Barn Cat, Farm Cat, Lap Cat

Would you like to see open jobs in your Recommended categories? You can choose See More to look at details or Pass to remove it from your list of opportunities. Isn’t the point of answering all the questions? Yes, I want to see the jobs.

Cat smells owner's foot and retches – Michael Broad

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – See More (maybe there will be birds there)

Rodent Control Nick’s Shoe Emporium – Pass (ugh; naked human feet)

Rodent Control Nikki’s Noodle House – Pass (I don’t like noodles)

Why Your Cat Likes Sleeping on the Bed With or Without You | PawTracks

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – See More (sounds like there might be ice cream)

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – See More (getting paid to sleep = cat Nirvana)

Display Model Cats and More – See More (possibly another sleeping opportunity)

CatForce processes the information and presents the following job descriptions:

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – Become a valued member of our team. The Acme Feather Company has been creating cat toys for over fifteen years. The bins of feathers need to be protected from the teeth of the rodents in the warehouse. Excellent pay with top-of-the line benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie set up an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – Our apologies. The Health Department has required us to remove this posting.

Maine Coon vs mixed-breed short haired cat size comparison : r/interestingasfuck

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – Looking for someone to join our mattress testing team. The ideal candidate will be able to sleep on demand and give feedback on the quality of the mattress. Benefits include our state-of-the-art snack bar and competitive pay/benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose a spot on Monday morning.

Cat furniture by CatsPlay - CatsPlay Superstore

Display Model Cats and More – You know us from our unique cat trees and kitty condos. Be a part of our sales team. Work in the showroom demonstrating how comfortable our products really are. Excellent employee discount program. Vacations and health benefits programs. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose Monday afternoon.

I Bought a GIANT CAT TREE and My Cats Loved It!

Follow-up: Archie went to all three interviews. He chose the job at Cats and More. The humans were really nice and the products were extremely comfortable. The Acme Feather Company position was overnight, and Archie was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stay awake. The job at the State Street Spring and Mattress involved sleeping with strange humans. Archie was uncomfortable with the whole idea.

Why Do Cats Sleep So Much? Common Feline Sleep FAQs

Non-AI pictures courtesy of Google Images

Behind the Scenes at CatForce

March 14, 2026 | cat9984

Confused Cat Face

Thomas Tabby has started a new software platform, CatForce, to match working cats with humans who are looking for some feline assistance. The site was intended to allow humans to post positions and have the cats look for something that interested them. There was a bit of an unforeseen issue with the actual communication between the humans and the cats. While most cats are fluent in human, it is extremely rare to find a human who understands the language of cats.

Cats of the Call Center : r/midjourney

After some research, the CatForce Help Center is using AnimalTongue Cat as a translation tool. The human fills out the form describing what position they are trying to fill, the form is translated into Cat, and CatForce staff decides whether they will accept or decline the position. If a posting is declined, the human can contact the help center to make modifications to the posting. All communication is handled through CatForce Chat. Here are a few examples:

Katy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 1: I’m not sure. I only have one request.

Katy: Have you submitted a job description?

Human 1: Yes. And the email said it was denied.

45 Cat Cry Laptop Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Katy: There should be an order number on that email.

Human 1: Can’t you just use my name? Or email or something?

Katy: Unfortunately, our system sorts by order number. You should have received it when you first placed your request. It would have been on the denial email too.

Human 1: I want to talk to a human.

cat and computer Tag - Palm Press

Katy: I’m sorry, but this is a cat-owned business. There are no humans here.

Human 1: That’s ridiculous. Aren’t your managers human?

Katy: We are proudly 100% cat owned and operated. Unfortunately, I can’t assist you if you don’t have your order number.

Human 1 disconnects.

Can Cats Understand TV? - Wag!

Jiminy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 2: 125-303

Jiminy: Thank you for that information. Am I chatting with Jonelle Jones?

Human 2: Yes, you are. I want to know why my posting was rejected.

Meet the Cheshire Cat! (my opinions on the Cheshire Cat) | by Mara | Medium

Jiminy: It says that you are looking for a Cheshire cat. We aren’t certain what type of cat that would be and what the job would entail.

Jonelle: You don’t know about Cheshire Cats? They can make themselves invisible and move without anyone seeing them.

Jiminy: I don’t know anything about that type of cat.

Jonelle: You must know about them. They’re in a book.

The Real Cheshire Cat – Anitha Rao-Robinson

Jiminy: Are you referring to Alice in Wonderland?

Jonelle: Yes, that’s it. I need one of those cats to keep my children entertained.

Jiminy: I’m sorry, but that wasn’t a real cat. We can’t create a job request for something that doesn’t exist.

Jonelle: Are you sure?

Jiminy: I’m afraid not. Have a pleasant day.

Why Do Cats Like To Walk & Sit on Keyboards as Much as They Do? - Cats.com

Jonelle: Can you tell me where Wonderland is? Maybe I can find one myself.

Jiminy: I don’t think that exists either.

Jonelle: That’s unfortunate. Good-bye

They disconnect.

Buttercup: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 3: 130-267

Buttercup: You are David S and you are looking for guard cats?

David: Yes, that’s correct.

Buttercup: What do you want the cats to guard?

Neighbors react to tiger in neighborhood

David: My house.

Buttercup: How many cats are you looking to hire?

David: I think two. One for the front door and one for the back door.

Buttercup: Cats generally aren’t used for home protection. Are you sure about this?

David: I want big cats. Maybe tigers. Or panthers.

Black panther spotted prowling on rooftops | Metro News

Buttercup: CatForce works with domesticated cats, not wild animals.

David: Are you sure that you won’t have any big cats?

Buttercup: That is definitely not our target market.

David: I’m very sorry to hear that.

He disconnects.

It’s break time and the cats get together to discuss the strange humans they’ve been chatting with.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

A Word from Onyx

February 21, 2026 | cat9984

It’s Onyx here. And I am NOT a happy kitty!

30 Moving Memes That Hit A Little Too Close To Home - SayingImages.com

As many of you know, I moved. It wasn’t my choice; I didn’t even get asked. Blondie just uprooted me with no concern. I’d overheard her talking about moving, but I had assumed the new apartment would come to me. Nope! Here’s how the horrors unfolded:

That Cat Will Turn This Car Around

I was forced into a cage, shoved in a car, and we drove forever and ever (Blondie says it’s only 15 minutes. She’s wrong). It was bumpy, loud, and very scary. I yowled the whole time, hoping Blondie would let me out, but she didn’t. She said something about how she didn’t want me escaping from the car when the little humans opened the door. I think she planned the whole thing to torture me.

It Will Be Fun They Said | CatLoversUnite.net

Once we finally arrived, I assumed I’d be let out of the cage. The little humans were trying to let me out. But Blondie insisted I stay in my carrier. Something about the door being open so she could move boxes in, and she didn’t trust me not to dart into the road or take off. So I sat. And sat. And sat some more. It must have been hours.

Lolcats - hungry - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Once I was (finally) released from my carrier, I fully expected a dish full of kibble, some fresh water, and an abundance of treats. Unfortunately, the only thing waiting for me was a litter box. At least it was clean. But I was starving.

The worst part is, I fully expected to be an only cat. After all, why else would you remove me from my palace? But much to my chagrin, I found out that Thunder had moved back in with us! Thunder not only looks like a littler version of Sgt Stripes, she plays Pounce just like he does! And she doesn’t take a hint! No amount of hissing or growling deters her, and she follows me practically everywhere! I finally found refuge on the counter next to the microwave.

cat fight at food bowl - Cat Tales

But that’s not all. She steals practically all of the kibble and wet food, and keeps trying to break into my dairy treats! Everyone knows those are mine. She also steals attention from MY human, and sleeps on the bed with her! Blondie says there’s plenty of room for both of us, but I don’t do the whole sharing thing. I should just get the bed (seniority alone rules in my favor).

The new apartment is tiny compared to the house I was in. I had two floors and a basement to explore, and plenty of space to hide from the other cats. This is only one floor, with a tiny bathroom and two bedrooms (as well as the living space and kitchen). The two mini humans claimed one of the rooms, so I tend to avoid it. It’s loud in there. And smelly. Although they have lots of soft blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals to sleep on, so that’s been nice. But the best place to be is the counter. I can survey my domain, hide behind the microwave, and cuddle up by the warm cooking appliances if they’re on. But there’s no cat tree, no cat bed, not even any big toys. It’s just a bunch of little toy mice and jingly balls.

Another grievance I have is all of the boxes. Everyone knows that the boxes goes to the cat when it’s empty. But no, my human broke all of them down for recycling. She didn’t even leave any empty totes- she took them to the storage closet. What’s the point of packing and unpacking if you don’t get the box at the end?

I wish I could say that there were advantages to moving. But honestly, it just really stinks. The food situation is worse (no never ending kibble, thanks to Thunder), no cool spots to hang out in, nowhere to escape from Pounce, and one less adult human to cuddle on. I haven’t even found a good sun spot to nap in yet. Hopefully things will get better- if not, I’m moving back!

Memes courtesy of Google Images

Bye Bye Blondie

February 14, 2026 | cat9984

Snoops here. We had a very interesting day recently. After Mom left and our human brother left for work, it got really noisy. Sgt Stripes, who spends most of his time upstairs, came running down.

Gypsy: What’s up, Stripes?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know. I was sleeping and started hearing all of this banging and people moving around.

Snoops: No one cleared that much noise with me. Mom knows I need to prepare for any disruptions to my nap schedule.

Angel: Mom’s gone. It’s Blondie and some guy. What are they doing?

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like they’re breaking furniture. Whoa! What happened down here?

Gypsy: What are you talking about?

Sgt Stripes: Have you looked in the front room? It looks like Blondie finally cleaned it up.

Angel: Ooh. Yeah. Everything’s in bags and piled up.

Snoops: There is definitely something going on. We need to find Onyx. It’s her human that’s acting so weird.

Gypsy: There she is. Acting like she owns the kitchen again.

Sgt Stripes: What’s going on, Onyx?

Onyx: All I heard was that we are moving out.

Gypsy: Why are we moving out? I love it here.

Angel: I’m not going anywhere. I need to findhea hiding place.

Snoops: Onyx, are you sure everyone’s moving?

Onyx: I heard them say something about needing to get the bed put together so the small humans have someplace to sleep tonight.

Sgt Stripes: That does sound serious.Maybe you can just hide until they’re gone.

Gypsy: That’s a good idea. We can come back out when they leave.

The cats each find somewhere to get away from the noise and confusion. Eventually, they hear their human brother moving around, and everyone comes out of hiding.

Sgt Stripes: I think it’s safe. Blondie and the strange man are gone. And so is a lot of stuff. C’mon out everyone.

Gypsy: Good. They left without us.

Snoops: That’s okay with me. We’ve gotten used to you. Angel, are you around?

Angel: I am. But I have really bad news.

Gypsy: What’s wrong?

Angel: I saw Blondie put Onyx in a carrier. She’s gone. They’ve split up the Belleville Three.

Sgt Stripes: Well, rats. We were just getting into a good “pounce” rhythm.

Snoops: And she was finally getting socialized to being in a multi-cat household. She was even beginning to join us for breakfast.

Angel: It’s going to be weird without her.

Gypsy: Yeah. Since she started coming to breakfast, Mom has been opening three cans of food in the morning. We’re going to be back to two cans split between us.

Angel: That is bad news.

Sgt Stripes: But more treats to go around.

Snoops: Excellent point. And she really didn’t mingle with any of us.

Sgt Stripes: I think she was getting there. Is she going to be an only cat now?

Angel: I think Blondie said she was going to be reunited with Thunder Cat.

Gypsy: I hope they get along better than they did in our old house.

Sgt Stripes: Thunder Cat is a grey tabby, right?

Gypsy: Yes, she is.

Sgt Stripes: Oh, that’s right. Thunder is a girl, not a handsome mancat like me.

Snoops: She came to visit before you arrived, Sarge. She spent all of her time hiding under the cedar chest.

Gypsy: I forgot about that. Guess I’ll miss Blondie and the boys. But the boys were so loud they really scared me sometimes.

Sgt Stripes: They were excellent at handing out treats. Especially to me when I was upstairs.

The other cats agreed that it was going to be a big change then each went in search of some place to relax and wait for Mom.

Emergency Cat Council

January 17, 2026 | cat9984

Four of the cats were gathered in the kitchen waiting for breakfast. They knew that Sgt Stripes and Mom would be coming any minute. Then Sgt Stripes appeared, but Mom was nowhere in sight.

Angel: Stripes, where’s Mom?

Gypsy: Everyone knows that we get breakfast between 6:05 and 6:15 every morning that she goes to work.Weekends stink because we have to wait for her to get up. Sometimes I’m half-starved before she gets up.

Sgt Stripes: Our human brother doesn’t have to work today, so she decided to shower before she feeds us.

Onyx: Did you give her permission, Snoops?

Snoops: I certainly did not. Things are all messed up right now. We probably should have an emergency meeting while we wait so we can tell Mom what’s been going on.

Angel: I agree. I don’t mind the later breakfast if the little humans aren’t around. But the later it gets, the more likely it is that they are going to be romping around while we try to eat.

Gypsy: The dark-haired one scares me. He yells a lot and doesn’t watch where he’s going. He’s almost stepped on me a few times. That’s why I hide by the kibble whenever he’s around.

Onyx: That’s true. He is really loud. And he’s almost stepped on me too.

Sgt Stripes: The other one is better about not stepping on us.

Snoops: But he’s learned a new sound to make. It’s really high-pitched, and it hurts my ears. And he tried to push be back by my face the other day.

Sgt Stripes: Mom shut that down. Just like when he started to grab my tail.

Onyx: Blondie doesn’t let him do that to me either.

Angel: It’s really nice when they’re gone for a couple of days. Much quieter and less confusing.

Snoops: I wonder if there’s some way to make it a little calmer around here.

Gypsy: Maybe we could get them jobs.

Onyx: Doing what? They don’t really have any skills.

Angel: Maybe we could rent them out to wake up humans who sleep through their alarms.

Snoops: They are waking up a lot earlier than they used to. Stripes, would you please ask Mr Google if there are any jobs for waking up humans around the neighborhood?

Sgt Stripes: I’m on it. Are there any other ideas?

Gypsy: Sometimes, they make a lot of noise. Could they be scarecrows and keep birds away from crops?

Snoops: That’s a great idea! There are a couple of farms around here.

Angel: Do you think pet sitters would take them and train them?

Gypsy: If they can train dogs, they should be able to train little humans.

Onyx: That probably costs money. We should keep looking for something that will pay them.

Sgt Stripes: That’s a good point. They’re kind of expensive to have around. It would be nice to tell Mom that the boys can start paying for some of their own kibble.

Snoops: If that doesn’t work, maybe we can put them on PetFinder. I think there’s a section for “Other Animals”.

Onyx: Blondie isn’t going to let someone else have them full-time.

Snoops: Good point. We need to find something they can do while we eat breakfast and do our morning routines.`

Gypsy: Yes. We don’t want to get rid of them. We just want to live and relax in peace.

Sgt Stripes: Mom says it will improve with time. And they’re already better at giving out snacks. The older ones doesn’t throw them at us anymore.

Gypsy: That’s true. I didn’t even have to look for shelter the last time.

Onyx: Okay, Sgt Stripes. You need to find them a job until they grow out of this stage.

Sgt Stripes: I’ll let you know what I find. And Mom is finally here to feed us.

Post-Christmas Cat Council

December 27, 2025 | cat9984

The day after Christmas, the cats gathered to discuss the Christmas goings-on.

Snoops: Christmas 2025 seemed to go pretty well.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t see any huge new cat tree. I thought we were supposed to get a new cat tree.

Onyx: I heard them talking. Apparently the little humans got some kind of present called bunk beds. The male human appears to be the only one who can put stuff together and that comes before the cat tree.

Angel: That’s not fair. There’s only two of them and five of us.

Gypsy: Will they make less noise if they get the new beds?

Angel: Ooh. I’d wait for that.

Onyx: What’s a bunk bed?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know. But hopefully, they will stay in it later than the current beds. My morning routine has been ruined. I used to hang out with Mom in the morning on weekends. Now they’re up before I finish my first set of cuddles. And I used to be able to get a couple of rounds of treats. Now, I’m lucky if I get one.

Snoops: You don’t need extra treats, But the fewer cuddles are a problem.

Angel: They come downstairs and make noise too.

Gypsy: Good thing Blondie is still sleeping down here because of her foot surgery. Otherwise, we’d have to deal with them.

Snoops: I’m not sure new beds are the answer. Maybe they should have gotten some kind of snack bar. That one kid is always hungry.

Sgt Stripes: That would have been cool. We could have stored cat snacks in it too.

Onyx: The kid probably would have eaten those too.

Snoops: At least dinner was good.

Angel: Only if you eat human food.

Snoops: It was a big salmon in some kind of pastry. It was delicious. And they had cookies too. I fell asleep afterwards.

Sgt Stripes: They had something called eggnog too. I guess sometimes humans put other stuff in it, but ours was just some kind of cream. Very yummy.

Gypsy: I don’t really like lots of people. I stayed in my new favorite spot – a shelf in the pantry.

Angel: That is pretty sweet. Right above the heat.

Gypsy: It’s the perfect spot. There’s a chain on the door, so the little humans can’t get in. But I didn’t get to see most of Christmas. Did the humans like our presents?

Sgt Stripes: It didn’t turn out quite the way we hoped. It was hard to get on the computer. So we had to just add to the human order. I will say that Snoops did a fine job with our human brother. He got an ultra-plush, ultra-large cotton towel.

Snoops: I tested it after it got opened. It will be purr-fect for catnaps. To be fair, Sarge did a good job with our human sister Blondie. She got a plush robe with cat ears on the hood. Stylish, but really comfortable for laying on.

Gypsy: Sounds pawsome! What did you get Mom?

Snoops: Apparently Onyx didn’t understand the assignment. She got a lamp.

Onyx: What’s wrong with a lamp? It’s two cats that light up.

Angel: There isn’t anyplace for us to lay on.

Onyx: You can wrap around it. The bulb’s at the bottom. It should get warm. And she really likes it.

Angel: I’ll have to do the shopping when it’s time for her birthday.

Snoops: Anyway, that’s over. Now it’s time to choose our tree. I’m thinking that since it’s late, we should get something even better.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. Maybe a place for treats.

Gypsy: I want real wood to sharpen my claws.

Angel: And plush beds.

Sgt Stripes: Time to talk to Mr Google again.

A Very Cali Christmas

December 20, 2025 | cat9984

Nana Cali has been hosting a family Christmas dinner as long as anyone could remember. She had been doing all the work herself. She always made her family-famous fish stew. There were various kinds of kibble and a creamy eggnog or catnip punch to drink. She welcomed contributions but rarely got them.

It was usually a great time for all involved. But this year things didn’t seem to run as smoothly. It began with the invitations:

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Cousin Sally: Nana, you know that I’ve been seeing Richard for months. Why wasn’t he on the chat?

Cousin Ruth: Probably because when he came to the picnic, he spent all of his time complaining about the location and the food.

Cousin Jenny: And he snarfed down enough for a Maine Coon.

(The younger family members had convinced Nana to use a group chat rather than just spreading the word. She was already regretting it.)

Cousin Sally: Well, I’m not coming if he can’t come.

Nana: Sweetie, you’re overreacting. I only sent it to family. There will be plenty of food.

Aunt Gertrude: That reminds me. Can we get something other than fish this year? My Calista really doesn’t like fish.

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Uncle Dill: You’re welcome to bring whatever you want for her. Mom makes the stew, but she doesn’t mind if others bring additional food.

Aunt Gertrude: Then it’s really not hosting, is it?

Aunt Jess: Do you always have to be so dramatic, Gert? Of course, she’s hosting. It’s at her house. There’s plenty of food and drink. And you’re welcome to bring something more if you want.

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Cousin Bruno: Do you know what would be really epic? Let’s get a roast pig!

Cousin Drago: Yeah! That would be the best thing ever!

Nana was very upset. She thought that she had been doing a nice thing, and now it looked like no one was going to be happy. She talked it over with Gramps.

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Nana: I think maybe I shouldn’t have the dinner this year.

Gramps: Why not? It’s one of the few times we get to see all of our kids and grandkids.

Nana: They talked me into creating what they call a group chat. No body actually talks to anybody. It seems like they just type whatever they want to in it. I don’t want to make a roast pig.

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Gramps: A roast pig? Why would you make that? It would be three times as big as you are.

Nana: And they don’t want the fish stew. They want me to make all kinds of other food. I don’t think I want to do it anymore. I think I’m just getting too old.

Gramps read the chat. He was furious. He called their and told them to come over for a family meeting. Soon Gertrude, Dill, Jess, and Moonlight were there. Moonlight didn’t follow the chat and was very confused to see her parents so upset.

Gramps: Okay, listen up. Which one of you decided that it would be a good idea to let the entire family weigh in on how Nana does her dinner?

Gertrude: I guess it was me. It’s how the kids make plans, so I thought it would be good for us. It lets everyone contribute to what’s going on.

Gramps: Thanks to your brilliant idea, Nana doesn’t want to do Christmas dinner anymore.

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Moonlight: Wait a minute. What? Why?

Nana: Because apparently people are tired of my fish stew. They want more variety. And a roast pig.

Moonlight: That’s ridiculous. I hate social media. Everyone thinks they can say whatever garbage pops into their heads. What idiot suggested a roast pig for a cat family dinner?

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Dill: I think it was my sons. Sorry, Mom. I didn’t realize you’d take them seriously.

Nana: Well, I might not have if Gertrude hadn’t said that I should make something different for Calista. I thought everyone liked my fish stew. I said you were welcome to bring your own dishes if you wanted to.

Jess and Dill glared at Gertrude.