18

Snoops and Kommando: The Liebster Award

Triumphant Cat | Cat stands, Funny animals, Cats

Snoops and Kommando here. When our pal Suki nominated us for the Liebster Award, Mom said she was too busy to do it. But we pulled out all the stops on our adorableness and finally she said that she would help us. So thanks for nominating us Suki!

The way it’s supposed to work is that we thank Suki, answer his questions, nominate 11 new bloggers, and send them new questions. However, Mom said that she didn’t have time to do that (sigh). She did agree that we could give a meow-out to some of our buddies at the end, so we settled for the compromise. If anyone would like to answer our questions, you can consider yourself Liebster-ized. If you’d like to answer a few in the Comments, that would be pawsome too.

Dear owner, I hope this letter finds you well. I'm writing to let you know  I am out of milk. Please refill di… | Funny animals, Funny cat pictures,  Funny cat videos

Here are the questions:

If cats could speak to humans, what do you think they would say?

The first thing would be to tell her to stop buying those boxes of wet cat food. Some of our favorites are in there, but so is a lot of really disgusting stuff. The other thing we would do is to make her feel guilty for leaving us alone so much since she got a second job. Oh, and the most important part: she needs to stop bossing us around.

Have you ever done catnip, and what was it like for you?

Catnip totally rocks. Complete bliss. Unimaginable energy.

A cat with a rather large fish in his mouth : photoshopbattles

Tuna or Salmon?

We get a lot more tuna. They share their salmon with us, but we’d like our own can once in a while.

Who’s your favorite celebrity feline?

We don’t spend much time on the Internet, so we don’t really know any famous cats. We are very fond of Simon’s Cat. His attitude is an inspiration to all cats.

I Has A Hotdog - nose - Page 6 - Funny Dog Pictures | Dog Memes | Puppy  Pictures | Pictures of dogs - Dog Pictures - Funny pictures of dogs - Dog  Memes - Puppy pictures - doge - Cheezburger

Dogs in purses: yea or nay?

Why on earth would we want them anywhere near to us. They should stay at home, where they belong

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

Mom put down a couple of bags of groceries and knocked over a glass of water. She always yells at us if we do it, so it was funny when she did it and didn’t have anyone to yell at.

It's Official, Cats Are Extremely Talented At Sitting… | Purrtacular

Do you have a sibling and did they ever sit on you?

When we wrestle, one of us usually ends up on the bottom. Snoops is bigger, so it’s not really fair. (Kommando’s comment)

Do you wish you had fur instead of that weird skin?

(We think Suki’s human must have written this questions.) We’re sure all humans would rather be beautiful, fluffy creatures.

Lolcats - door - Page 2 - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with  words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures

If  your pet had opposable thumbs, what’s the first thing they’d do in your house?

We’d take down the doors. Then we could go wherever we wanted to.

If you were a feline, what would your name be?

(Another question from the human) We might name ours Cuddles. Maybe she’d spend more time cuddling with us.

How to get my cat to stop eating human food - Quora

Have you ever eaten someone else’s food when they’re not looking?

Of course we steal each other’s food. But that’s no challenge. It’s more fun to try to steal human food. Sometimes their food is nasty, so be sure to take a good sniff before you grab and go.

Your Cat Has A Question For You | Paws Pet Care

Here are our questions:

How did you choose your human?

Have you ever sneaked outside?

What’s your favorite season?

Do you have any siblings of a different species (you may include humans)?

If you could only have one channel of Cat TV, what would it be?

What is your proudest moment?

Does your human have any habits that drive you crazy?

If you could only have one toy, what would it be?

Have you ever gotten even with someone after they got you in trouble/embarrassed you?

Have you been able to train your human to hunt?

Do you have a favorite hangout?

Sorry, Cat Haters, Science Isn't On Your Side | Popular Science

And finally, a long-distance snuzzle and purr to our friends (in no particular order. Mom forgot to alphabetize them.)

We have more, but Mom made us stop. Purrs and cuddles to you all.

cat | girlywithdacurl

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

26

Boots McMittens: Cat on the Street

Small tabby kitten, holding and singing into microphone photo WP42168

Boots McMitten here. Today I am reporting from the streets of Marona, a small town across the state. I have been talking to cats over the past few days about life during the current crisis. I’m getting interesting responses about the impact on their lives.

Is the crisis impacting your relationship with your human?

cat « Vincent Eaton Storyteller

Caesar: Most definitely. She is still out of work, and I’m about ready to get a job myself. Her job can’t be done and home, and she is on the phone or doing something loud all of the time. I love her, but I need my “me” time. And how much bread does one family really need?

Different Cat Behaviors And Their Explanation | Housediver

Bella: I’ll say. She’s working from home, and seems to think that my lair is her office. She has even started putting papers on my tree, if you can believe it. And she said I was “making it hard to type.” She told me there are plenty of other spots in the house I can use. I was there first. I think she should move.

Lolcats - kids - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with ...

Cinnamon: My human isn’t really the problem. She’s always worked at home, so we have our routine. The problem is the small humans. They have been home furr-ever! No school, no camp, no sports, nothing. They are always underfoot, but they never fed me or give me treats. Really, I see no point in having them home at all.

How about the food situation?

My Cat Won't Eat After Being Spayed

Zinnia: The humans told me that since money was a problem, we would all have to sacrifice. So they started buying me discount cat food. It is so disgusting! It is even worse than the diet food they tried to get me to eat last year. It’s a good thing the dog and I learned how to open and close the refrigerator door.

Check out these funny cat memes to help you through quarantine ...

Oreo: My day-to-day food is about the same. But my humans used to have other humans over a lot. That’s not happening, so there’s no extra burgers or fish to snatch and run with. I don’t miss the other humans, but I do miss the food.

Homemade Cat Treats Recipe - 3 Ingredient Salmon Cat Treats

Tabitha: I like the food being delivered to the door. The human has it coming on some kind of schedule, so I don’t have to deal with “I’m sorry, I forgot the kibble. I’ll get it tomorrow.” I get treats more regularly too. All in all, this crisis has worked out pretty well for me and my food.

General Comments

Appalled cat : pics

Pickles: I think some humans look better with their faces covered. They should wear masks all the time.

6 Christmas Safety Tips for Cat Owners - Catster

Miki: I hope this is over by Christmas. I don’t want it to impact my presents.

Woman Forced to Find Home for 350 Cats She Had No Permit For

Bert: I feel sorry for all the kitties whose humans are sick. I’m trying to convince my human to adopt all of them. No luck so far.

With that, I’m Boots McMitten, reporting from Marona.

Why lions roar and wildcats meow | The Weekly Cat

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

18

Dear Tabby: Modern Advice for Today’s Cat

Here's Your streets.m(ad)n(ess) Bracket | streets.mn

Hello, dear readers. Once again we will dive into my trove of your questions to give guidance on today’s most vexing questions.

Dear Tabby – My human has been at home forever (it seems). She interrupted my naps with all her noise from working. I had been really looking forward to her return to work (whatever that means). Yesterday, I heard her tell someone that she was going to be working at home all the time! My routines are going to be permanently ruined and I’m never going to regain what’s I’ve lost missing my beauty sleep. What do I do? Sleepy Siamese

Cat Cosima Sleeps Down From The Closet | Sleepy cat, Cats, Cat ...

Dear Sleepy – You have a serious problem there. I think that you need to find a fairly quiet spot and stake it out. Then make as much noise as you possibly can. Howl, knock things over, whatever it takes. Eventually she will shut the door and you can sleep in peace. If you do this for several days running, your problem will probably disappear.

Cat looking out Window: 5 Ways To Increase Comfort

Dear Tabby – My human finally went back to work. While she was home, she rearranged all of the furniture in my hangout. (She calls it her office.) She moved my cat tree away from the window. I have missed two months of Cat TV. She says the light is better there, so her desk is where my tree should be. Now she says the move is permanent. What should I do? In the Dark

Why Is Sam Sleeping at His Desk? | Aha!

Dear Dark – You must replace your cat tree with her desk. Claim a spot for yourself next to the window and spend as much time as you can in that space. If she tries to move you, turn on your “cat gravity” and make yourself extremely hard to move. If she tries to kick you out, howl until she gives in. Eventually you will find that your cat tree is next to the desk by the window, and Cat TV has returned.

Dear Tabby – I have been an only cat for two years. It’s been great. I had the humans wrapped around my paw. The other day they brought home a kitten. I couldn’t believe it. Now they’re all tied up with the intruder and aren’t paying nearly enough attention to me. What should I do? Suddenly Old

Introducing Kitten to Cat: 5 Basic Steps | UK Pets

Dear Old – You have to make friends with the kitten. Soon the two of you will be able to plot against the humans. If they get mad, the kitten can put on her “cute face” and all will be forgiven. Make sure that each of you bond with a different person. That way, there will never be agreement on who’s the “good kitty” and who’s the troublemaker. You never win a fight with a kitten, but you can make sure they grow up to be a real cat.

Dear Tabby – My human has taken away my never-ending supply of kibble because a relative told her I weighed too much. A relative, not my doctor! Now I get a tiny bowl, once a day. She’s trying to starve me to death, I know it. She also changed the brand. She says it’ll help me “maintain a healthy weight.” I am soo hungry. What should I do? Hungry John

Uh sir, - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat ...

Dear Hungry – I see three options. The first is to catch additional food to eat. Most neighborhoods have a good-size supply of rodents. My favorite solution is to “share” with the humans while they’re not looking. You have to be fast, but you will get pawsome treats. If you can get the refrigerator open, you get to choose from the best of their food. Finally, you can make their lives miserable by moping and moaning until they get the hint. Hacking up a hairball after eating will add to the scene.

Keep the letters coming.

Toodles from Tabby

 Pin by Cat Lover on Waving Hello Or Goodbye | Cute animals ...

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

22

Cat Forum: Our Grandparents Ate That?

Tumblr User Explain Why Cats Are Obsessed With Eating Bread ...

Greetings from Snoops and Kommando Kitty. Welcome to Cat Forum. We received a suggestion about doing a four-hour documentary on kibble. Unfortunately, we were not able to find much information on kibble. It figures. Most of the writers were human.

.So we decided to look into cat food in general. The story really begins in the middle of the nineteenth century. Prior to that, cats were popular for rodent control. Many farmers used milk and meat to attract cats and keep them happy.

Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with ...

Things got a little weird early on once the humans decided to start making food for us . A man decided to make dog biscuits to sell. They were made out of compressed beet root, other vegetables, meat, and wheat. Some people thought they would be good food for cats as well. We disagree.

Tiny Cat Has Been Best Friends With His Horse Since He Was A ...

Small businesses began to sell their own brands of cat food. It was mainly horse meat. Apparently there were a lot of dead horses. Only rich cats got to eat store food  in this era.

Curiosity killed the cat... - Imgflip

Not all prepared food was created equal .  The government set up the Association of Feed Control Officials in 1909. In 1917, they created rules to standardize the creation of cat food and create minimum health standards.

Don’t worry fellow felines For once it wasn’t a case of species-ism on the part of the humans. Their prepackaged food was at least as bad. At least we consider rats part of a balanced diet.

Cat and Mouse (With images) | Cats

Now it gets weird again. Some human was watching a machine make cheese puffs (a tasty human treat that does not use cheese). He decided to use the machine to make cat food. And that was the beginning of kibble.

At this point, most cats went outside at least part of the time. Any problems with the quality of the food could be supplemented with nature’s buffet.

LOOK: Quarantined cat memes for your entertainment — Animal Scene ...

A smart human found out that people were willing to spend more money to get better quality food for their furry friends. A man named Paul Iams created the first meat-based, high-protein food for cats.

As the humans say, the rest is history. Today there are shelves in the store dedicated to cat food. In decent stores, there is one aisle for the dry food and one for canned food and treats.

My cat hates me - Imgflip

Humans can go one their computers and find all kinds of food and treats for us. Of course, we still need to let them know what is acceptable and what is not. Naturally, their palates are not refined enough.

17 Cats Enjoying The Finer Things

 

 

20

Cat Forum: New Year’s Resolutions

Image result for cat happy new year

Greetings fellow felines and assorted others. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. The is our first opportunity to tell you about our New Year’s resolutions. We decided to make joint resolutions this year. So, here they are:

Related image

We resolve not to fight so much.

Kommando: You mean you won’t lick my neck only to chomp on it?

Snoops: I have to make sure it’s clean. And it’s not like I can actually get to the skin through all that thick fur. Besides, I think it’s more directed at you hiding out and then attacking me.

Kommando: I do not hide out.

Image result for cat pouncing

Snoops: What do you call running in from another room or behind a box?

Kommando: Strategic placement of my body.

Snoops: Grrr.

Image result for cat fighting over food meme

We resolve not to eat each other’s food.

Kommando: Yeah. No more snarfing my canned food.

Snoops: I do not snarf your food.

Kommando: I’ve seen you do it.

Snoops: I don’t touch your food until you’ve left the room. Besides you do the same thing.

Image result for cat fighting over food meme

Kommando: I still think you get more than your share.

Snoops: What about you? I wait at the kibble dish or the water fountain while someone fills it, and as soon as you hear the sound of them being refilled you run in and push me out of the way.

Kommando: I’m just trying to protect you from being poisoned. You should thank me.

Snoops: Thank you? Mom is not going to poison us. You’re just being rude.

Image result for cats cuddling people

We resolve not to fight over Mom.

Snoops: Meaning that you will not step on me or push me out of the way to get next to Mom.

Kommando: She’s MY human.

Snoops: She belongs to both of us.

Image result for cats fighting meme

Kommando: Nope. Don’t you remember? Your humans were Dad and the blond girl. My humans were Mom and blondie’s brother. It was all Kommando, all the time for Mom. You can’t blame me because you ran out of humans and mine are both still here.

Snoops: That’s just mean. Mom said that she’s the primary human for both of us.

Kommando: It doesn’t mean that I don’t get first cuddles.

Image result for two cats with people meme

Snoops: Lucky Mom goes out of her way to make sure I get enough pets and cuddles.

Kommando: Grrr.

Snoops: Was there anything else?

Kommando: No. I think apart from those things, we’re pretty much perfect.

Snoops: I agree. Let’s take a nap.

Kommando: Sounds good to me.

All pictures (except us) courtesy of Google Images

7

Cat Forum: The Visitors Respond

Image result for large groups of cats"

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. You may recall that a few weeks ago we had invaders visitors. Mom said that since we had a post to tell the truth complain, they should have the opportunity to give their side of the story. In the interest of fairness, we have agreed.

 Please introduce yourself with your name and one interesting fact about yourself.

I’m Onyx – I’m very quiet and laid back, but love being around my people.

I’m Spaz – I’m the oldest (and according to Mom, the crankiest). Unlike Onyx, I would be happy by myself with one servant.

I’m Angel – I love playing! (And climbing, and running, and eating. Really, I’m easy to please).

I’m Gypsy – I like playing hide and seek. My beautiful muted colors make it really easy to hide.

Did your humans ask if you wanted to come to our house?

Spaz– No, they did not. First Mom and Dad disappeared for three nights (they said something about a wedding), then they show back up, load us into cages and transport us across at least half the state. It was really disturbing.

Image result for presents for cats meme"

Did they bring back presents to make up for leaving you?

Onyx– although they brought back gifts for other humans, the only cat approved item brought for us was a large paper bag- and you will not believe the challenges I’ve faced, keeping the other cats (especially Angel) out of it.

Did you like staying at our house?

Gypsy– it was a lot roomier, which was nice. And the quality (and quantity) of both sofas, chairs and cat trees were much nicer. We would definitely approve if Mom and Dad were to move all of us in.

We heard Mom tried to starve you.* Have you recovered?

Angel– Barely. Since we’ve stayed, I’ve started fighting to make sure I get the most food- and that I’m fed first. After all, what if next time we get nothing? I’ve also started stockpiling extra food- although Onyx and Spaz don’t seem to want to share their rations for the cost.

What do you think of our Mom (excluding the whole starving thing)?

Gypsy– She was really nice, and seemed to have more attention to give us. She wasn’t distracted by “video games” like Dad or “working double shifts” like Mom.

Do you want to come back or was once enough?

Onyx– Although we appreciate the hospitality, once was definitely enough. The travel to and from is traumatic enough, and we missed our familiar smells and sun spots.

Sorry we weren’t allowed downstairs. Did you want to meet us or were you happier with just the four of you?

Spaz-I waz okay without you. I guess it would have been tolerable to meet you, although I am of the opinion that each kitty should be a single kitty, with individualized attention. Don’t take it personally though- I am still trying to convince Dad to get rid of the other cats (Mom keeps saying no).

Image result for cat in cat tree meme"

Do you miss anything about being here?

Angel– yes, as a matter of fact. The extra space, the additional cat trees, all of the toys, the abundance of sun and nap spots… The 24/7 access to kibble was nice as well (we’re supposed to have that at home, but Mom and Dad are really bad about remembering to refill the dish when it runs empty).

Do you want to say anything else?

Onyx– if your humans say they’ll be home soon, don’t believe them. Humans are really bad at measuring time. Also, if the carrier comes out, run.

Image result for cat waiting meme"

Spaz– bring extra food, and bulk up before all road trips.

Angel– appreciate the little things in life. Our humans aren’t cool enough to have multiple cat trees.

Gypsy– thank you for having us. We appurciate it furry much.

Image result for hungry cat meme"

*While they were here, they got a half can of wet food and all the kibble they wanted. At home they each get a full can. They are sleek and definitely are not being overfed at home.

Memes courtesy of Google Images

 

 

50

Cat Forum: Interview with Kosmo

Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Welcome to Cat Forum. We have a  very special guest this month: Kosmo, who comes all the way from Finland. We didn’t know where Finland is, so we had to look it up. It is a LONG way from Michigan. And he speaks really good American cat (which is a good thing, since we didn’t even know there was a Finnish cat language.) Kosmo appears in the blog Photofinland with a lot of really cool pictures. In fact, Horatio Hedgehog convinced us to put a second link further down when Kosmo talks about the hedgehogs he knows.

Finland-Map.jpg (593×478)

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

 My name is Kosmo and I live in the western part of Finland. I am about Four years old. I don´t remember much of my childhood, but one day when I was walking around hungry and tired, I heard humans talking in one yard. So I walked there, a woman was sitting on the steps and I walked straight to her lap. She asked me if I am hungry, and then I knew I will live in this house forever.

Kosmo´s mom: We tried to find Kosmo´s home with no result, nobody had seen him earlier. Kosmo had been a home cat, because he was used to living inside.

Kosmo’s Mom is also an extremely talented photographer

Your humans seem to really love the outdoors. Do you get to help them with their projects?

Not much, because at first I was really afraid to go out, because of my past, somebody had left me out. Dad took me out at first in his lap, then in a leash, and now after three years effort I walk well in a leash. I have my own path and I walk it with Dad twice a day.

You may know that we live with Horatio Hedgehog. Have you ever met one?

Oh yes! Hedgehogs are living in my yard. In a most peaceful corner in my yard is a place for hedgehogs to hibernate. Dad has made two small houses for them and then covered the houses with dry leaves and branches. In our blog are photos of one house and hedgehogs.

It looks really snowy and cold there (and dark). Do you get extra snuggles this time of year?

Yes, my humans like to snuggle with me, because I am snoring really loud, and they love it.

Do you live with other creatures (furry or non-furry) aside from your adult humans?

 No, just we three together. One cat girl comes every day to eat here. She is waiting outside the door, then I invite her to come in to eat. We know where her home is, but our food is better, I think. I just watch her eat, maybe some days we are playing together.

What’s your favorite thing to do with your humans?

 Snuggling, of course, daily brushing, playing “running around like crazies”, and my walks outside with Dad.

What’s your favorite way to play?

Pawball is the number one.

Are there special Finnish treats that you get? Maybe something fishy?

This is really embarrassing, but I am afraid of fish. When I was new here, my humans had real, tiny fishes for me, I and ran away under the bed.

Do you have good cat TV (window viewing) there?

I have two great cat TV’s and lots of birds.

Is there anything you would like to add?

 This interview in your blog is a great honour to me , thank you!

Horatio here. Kosmo really is a good guy – for a cat. If you get to Finland, you should definitely look him up.

 

18

How Dogs Solved the Cat Food Crisis

Image result for cats eating food

Our story so far: It appears that local cats have been getting sick from bad cat food, “Power Cat”. With the help of some German Sheperds at the local distribution center, we have discovered that the food is being manufactured in Guangzhou, China. The labels on the shipping labels were written in Shar-Pei, so we are hoping to follow the trail through our German Sheperd contact in Livingston, Lexi. You can read it here.

Our reporter, Penelope Porcine, talked over the situation with Lexi. There was no point in them trying to go to China to investigate the situation further. Cheeseland’s Asian correspondent, mongoose Riki T. Tavi, wouldn’t be able to help since it would take several weeks to permission to enter the country as a correspondent. He would also need a translator who spoke Shar-Pei. Lexi spoke Shar-Pei, but didn’t have Chinese contacts. They would have to see what she could do through the local Shar-Pei community.

Image result for shar pei

As luck would have it, there was no local Shar-Pei with ties to China. However, Lexi did learn about an online Shar-Pei community that might be able to help. She explained the situation and asked for help. The first thing she learned was that most Chinese Shar-Pei did not have Internet access. After several days of waiting, Lexi received a message from a Shar-Pei in San Francisco. His extended family included a branch in Guangzhou. He was trying to reach them to see if they could help.

Image result for german shepherd on computer

So Lexi waited again. Finally she received a message from Shar-Pei 2231. Shar-Pei 2231 said that he lived in Guanzhou and had several friends who worked at the cat food plant. He had talked to them and asked what they knew. Shar-Pei 3367 actually worked with the humans. She agreed to help Lexi. (None of the Chinese dogs would speak on the record.)

Shar-Pei 3367 said that the secret ingredient in “Cat Power” was earthworms. The worms had a lot of protein and would make the cats stronger. Each factory had a garden attached where they grew the worms. Humans harvested the worms. As far as she knew, everything they brought in was processed. The worms were turned into a paste and added to the rest of the food mixture.

Image result for rinsing worms

Lexi asked about the sanitation procedures at the plant. The worms were rinsed in a vat of water before they were put into the machines. The machines were rinsed daily and sanitized twice a week. She wasn’t sure about inspections for health or safety. Once in a while, humans came in, looked around, and talked to the workers. She wasn’t sure who they were.

Lexi thanked Shar-Pei 3367 for all her help. She and Penelope knew that the problem wasn’t the worms; it was the way they were processed into the food. The ground could be contaminated and the machines were almost certainly full of bacteria. It was time to get the humans involved.

Related image

George, one of our editors, spoke with his original human contact. He told her that we had discovered that the problem with the cat food was almost certainly contamination at the plant in China. He recommended that she ask the government to launch a formal inquiry. She agreed that would be the only solution. In the meantime, she posted messages on every social media site she could think of, telling people not to buy the food. The resulting boycott caused the cat food company to pressure the government into action.

We are happy to report that “Cat Power” is back in the stores. The worms are now grown in sterilized soil in a lab. Strict sanitation procedures have been put in place, and health inspectors send reports to the company every six months.

(We have also hired Lexi as a translator.)

Image result for happy cat

 

 

 

18

How Dogs Solved the Cat Food Crisis

Image result for cat eating

We got a very unusual call recently. It was from a human. We almost never hear from humans; most of them assume we are a foreign-language publication. A very nice lady said that some neighborhood cats were very sick. The veterinarian said that it was probably just a virus.

The lady and her friends think it is a new food that they got for their furry friends. It’s supposed to have a special additive that would improve their immune systems. It’s called “Cat Power”. She wanted to know if there was a way for us to check it out. Our editor George said we would see what we could find out.

Image result for pig

We put one of our best reporters, Penelope Porcine, on the case. She discovered that “Cat Power” is sent out by a large distributor in the U.S. There was no information about who actually made the food. She decided to talk to the distributor. The closest distribution center is in the middle of the state.

Penelope drove up to Livingston and found the plant. She called, but only got a recording. She tried to see someone in person (so to speak). There was only one entrance, and it was guarded by a very large German Shepherd. The German Shepherd refused to talk to her. He said he couldn’t speak pig.

Image result for german shepherd and pig

Penelope decided that we needed to find a German Shepherd of our own to help. Not having one on staff, we thought it would be best to recruit one locally. It was a small town; they might even know the guard.

We posted a notice: “Looking for a German Shepherd. Temporary assignment. Must be fluent in several animal languages. The position requires persistence and a persuasive personality. Compensation will be discussed if you are called for an interview.”

Image result for german shepherd writing

Apparently there is a shortage of positions for German Shepherds in Livingston. We immediately received more than 20 responses. Some of them we could delete right away:

“Speak several dialects: Pekinese, Beagle, and Chow. Have trouble communicating with other species. Once I misunderstood a mynah bird and ate him.”

“Experience speaking with other animals. Would prefer it not be any animals that I might consider as toys. Especially cats or squirrels.”

“I am qualified for your position. Compensation must include both kibble and meats of my choosing.”

We interviewed three candidates. We hired a wonderful dog named Lexi. She has a gentle disposition but is a very determined manner. Lexi speaks flawless pig, cat, mouse and hedgehog as well as a variety of dog dialects.

Penelope explained the situation to Lexi, telling her that we needed to find out where the food came from. Lexi was appalled and thought that humans had to be involved. She promised to call Penelope the next day after she had spoken with the guard.

Image result for two german shepherd

The next day Lexi said that she needed to meet with Penelope in person to tell her what the guard had said. Penelope wondered what could be so important that it couldn’t be told over the phone.

When she arrived at the restaurant, Penelope discovered that Lexi had two other German Shepherds with her. She hoped they were friendly. Three large dogs were a little intimidating.

The dogs patrolled inside the plant. The place was full of humans, but none of them had anything to do with making the food. The cans came in huge crates that the humans opened and put on conveyor belts. At the end of the belts were trucks that delivered the “Cat Power” and other foods to the stores.

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Penelope asked if they had any idea where the food came from. One of the dogs, Brutus, said that the crates were written in Shar-Pei. Brutus said that he hoped Shar-Pei’s were only clerks and not actually involved in poisoning anyone.

Penelope thanked Brutus and his friend. She bought dinner in appreciation. They said they had never met such a nice pig. Or any pig, for that matter.

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Later Lexi told Penelope that she had done further research on Shar-Pei’s and discovered that they specialize as guard dogs in Guangzhou, in southern China. She had also learned that there were two factories that made cat food in Guangzhou, both of them owned by the same company.

To be continued

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10

Davy Kitten, Superstar

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Davy Kitten fell asleep after his mother had read him several stories from his favorite book, 100 Cats Who Changed Civilization by Sam Stall. He began to dream about a beautiful cat. Her name was Colette. She told him that any cat as good-looking as he was should be a model. Davy blushed.

Colette told Davy to follow her. They went into a building and down a long hall. Davy was a little frightened. What if she was taking him to some big dogs who were going to eat him? He was afraid of dogs. Finally Colette slid through a crack into a large bright room.

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“Ah, Colette! You found me a model for my cat beds! He will be purrfect.” The man picked up Davy and cuddled him. Davy began to purr and rub his head against the man’s face.

“Now, little one, all you have to do is lay in my beds and pretend to sleep. I will take pictures. You will be famous! And so will my beds.” Davy curled up in several of them. Finally, the man was done.

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Davy went home with the man, whose name was Bob. Bob gave Davy good food and a nice warm bed. Shortly after, Bob showed him a magazine with Davy’s picture in it. Davy thought that he actually did look pretty good. He purred at Bob.

Bob’s phone rang. He talked for a few minutes. Then he told Davy, “You won’t believe it! That was Mon Cheri Cat Food. They want you to be their spokescat. What do you think about that?” Davy wasn’t sure; he didn’t know what a spokescat was. He didn’t speak human.

They went to the Mon Cheri offices. The studio was huge. There were all types of rooms for Davy to wander through. Finally they showed him the food they wanted him to sell. “Eww! That’s awful! I can’t eat that.”

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Bob picked up Davy. “You don’t have to really eat it. It’s all pretend. I’ll see if they have another flavor.” They put another bowl in front of Davy. That one was yummy. Davy ate it all as the people took the pictures.

The cat food ads were a huge success. Davy began to get fan mail. They took pictures of him, made him put his paw in something gooey and press it on the picture. His fans loved it.

Finally the cat food people decided that he needed to go on tour. Davy didn’t like to travel. Bob said he’d be right beside him, so Davy agreed to go. He had a big bus with his picture on the side. Bob made him a special bed for the trip. Davy thought it might not be so bad.

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At the first stop, they put a harness on Davy and took him out to meet his fans. Davy had never heard so much noise. And they all tried to touch him! Nobody had said anything about sticky fingers in his beautiful fur.

The fans adored him and the tour continued. In California, he was set up with a cameo in a movie. They gave him a bath in some kind of stinky soap and blew his coat dry. He looked in the mirror. He was a ball of fur. He went on the set. There were so many people. And they all wanted to touch him.

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Davy couldn’t take it anymore. He ran away from Bob and out the door. Outside there were more people who wanted to grab him. He couldn’t get away.

“Davy! Over here! Davy! Davy!

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Davy felt someone pushing him. He opened his eyes. It was Mama!

“Mama, I had the worst dream! There were humans everywhere and they all wanted to touch me. I couldn’t get away. I never want to be a famous cat. It was terrible!”

Mama snuggled Davy next to her and started to groom him. She decided to read about historical cats that night.

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