Tag Archives: Humor

21

What’s Worse Than a New Cat in the House?

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Cute Photos of Cats and Babies Sure to Steal Your Heart

Greetings, everyone. We, Snoops and Kommando Kitty, are welcoming our new brother Sgt Stripes to the blog because we are all in a terrible situation this weekend. We have been overrun by two small (13 months and 2 years), loud children. And we are not happy.

Snoops here. They arrived Thursday, and nothing seemed out of place. Our human sister brings them over once in a while. They stick around for a few hours, make a lot of noise, smell weird, and then go home. Then our sister and her husband left, but the rugrats stayed. I was pleasant and didn’t run away, but one of them tried to touch me. I am now watching from a distance.

Sgt Stripes reporting. I had a terrible night. The way it usually works is that I have the run of the upstairs house during the day. Then the humans spend time with me at night before I go to my room and Kommando (and maybe Snoops) sleeps with Mom. Last night, they brought up these two creatures. I’ve never seen anything like them before. I guess they’re miniature humans. But the one tried to CHASE me.

Cats That Think They Are The Masters At Hiding - I Can Has Cheezburger?

I was terrified. I love cuddling with the big humans, and have no problem letting them pick me up. But this creature was trying to grab me! And he was making a lot of noise. I hid under the bed. Later, the bigger one started crying. A lot. There was no way I was coming out. After they were finally asleep, the humans coaxed me out. But I refused to go in my room. That’s where they tried to grab me. At least they slept for a long time. They went back downstairs in the morning. But I think they’ll be back tonight.

Kommando here. Today was even worse than yesterday. Mom had them in the kitchen while she was doing the dishes. The little one unplugged our fountain and dumped the water. Mom didn’t think he could get to the cord. Now we have to drink out of a bowl until they leave. Our kibble and wet food can’t sit on the floor right now either unless we are being fed. One of them tried to eat it. When the little humans visit, their parents usually put a fence in place to keep them out of the kitchen. But the fence keeps me out too. (I’m not really a jumper.)

I tried to get cuddles while Mom was watching TV. But that little human was on the sofa with her. And he PETTED me. It was very traumatic. Now I’m with Snoops watching them from a distance.

Lolcats - tail - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

We’re not sure how long they’re staying. Mom says a couple more days. That is a long time. Our eating is messed up. And our bedtime routines are scrambled. Mom says they’re trying to be friendly because they have kitties of their own. We’ve heard stories that our cousins Angel and Thunder even let them touch their tails. Not gonna happen here.

We don’t have much experience with small humans, but they smell even worse than big humans. Maybe because they’re down here on the ground with us. And sometimes they make a lot of noise. Mom tries to keep them quiet and entertained, but sometimes it doesn’t work and they cry. Really loud.

We thought it was tough trying to get used to other cats. This is a whole different animal.

40 Funny Grumpy Cat Memes

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

17

Cat Forum: Are You the Hunter or the Hunted?

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Hi Everyone. It’s Kommando Kitty leading off today. I am not a happy cat. My mom and human brother are calling me a scaredy cat. They keep trying to introduce our new invader brother, and I don’t want to meet him. Snoops pretty much ignores him, but I run when he comes near. Mom says he’s going to think I’m prey. I don’t understand why they can’t just leave him upstairs.

Back when I moved in, things were different. I was a tiny kitten, and Snoops had just been adopted after having kittens. She adopted me, but I made sure that I was in charge. Over the years, she’s gotten more assertive, so we’ve been more-or-less equals for a while. Now there’s a new guy. He doesn’t seem mean or aggressive. Nobody’s even heard him hiss or growl. He has a LOT of energy. And I just want to hang out.

This is Snoops. The humans are taking things slowly here. It should be okay soon. It’s just weird, because Kommando has really mellowed out over the years. She used to be a little bully. Now I have to protect her. It’s like she got a personality transplant.

Enneagram Memes - Funny Images For Enneagram Types 1 - 9

We’ve been looking at the different types of personalities that cats have. It’s pretty interesting. Apparently, someone has been doing a lot of work and identified the five basic personality traits of kitties. They are: skittishness, outgoingness, dominance, impulsiveness, and agreeableness. All of us have some degree of each trait to make up our unique selves.

How Can You Tell If Your Cat is Stressed? - Rehome by Adopt-a-Pet.com

Skittishness (or Neuroticism) – This measures where you fall on the calm to stressed out scale. The more neurotic you are, the more easily you get stressed out. You are more likely to be anxious or depressed. You will run from the unknown or strange things. It’s not a bad thing to be skittish. Just make sure you have a place to hide and feel safe. You may be braver when you are more comfortable with the situation.

Caturday Pootie Diary: I've Seen Enough - Dance Party Time

Outgoingness (or Extroversion) –  Let’s face it. Some cats are party animals and some are not. (We are not, but we think that Sgt Stripes probably is.) This measurement looks at how impulsive you are versus being cautious. We are all curious, but some of us take it to the extreme. Some cats go through life looking for adventures, while others are happy living with set limits. Outgoing cats are sometimes called “nosy.” They are easily bored and need more mental stimulation than their more introverted friends. They may get destructive when they get bored. If you are an extroverted cat, make sure you have plenty of toys. Playing with your human will help you avoid boredom.

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Dominance – Dominant cats are the ones who always want to be first and try to run everything. You know the type. They may try to control everything in the house (food, toys, litter box). Dominant cats sometimes try to dominate the humans as well as other cats. They will chase the others, pick fights, try to make others move, steal food/toys, and generally be obnoxious. At the other end of the scale are the meek cats who are content to be at whatever level they find. One way to deal with a dominant cat is to make sure that there are enough water bowls, food dishes, litter boxes, etc. for everyone. Even the head cat can’t be everywhere at once.

Off Topic - Silly cat - Forum - Path of Exile

Impulsivity – Some cats seem to be unpredictable. One day, they will act one way and the next day completely different. One day they like something, the next day they don’t. These cats are usually high energy and may be a little anxious. Cats may be more impulsive when they are uncertain of their surroundings. Giving this type of cat some structure may help, like set feedings and playtime. Humans need to be extra calm around impulsive kitties to help lower their anxiety levels.

Top 10 Friendliest Cats - AZ Animals

Agreeableness –  This measures where you fall on the Nice to Unfriendly scale. Agreeable cats are nice – they get along with everyone, and are usually happy to give a cheerful hello, rub, or head bonk. Well-socialized, healthy kitties are usually nice kitties. A cat who is disagreeable or aggressive usually has been poorly socialized, poorly treated, or in pain. On the other hand, we all have bad days. (And sometimes humans are just annoying.)

Does Your Cat Still Need an Annual Exam? - Feline Medical Clinic

Obviously, we all have our own personalities. And there’s no such thing as a bad kitty. If you are interested in taking a Cat Personality Test, you can find the one from IDR Labs here.  It’s free and fun.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

24

Sgt Stripes Reporting for Duty

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Hello, everyone! My name is Sgt Stripes, and I am the new cat in the house. I moved in three weeks ago after my surgery. They said they had to “fix” me. Pretty insulting if you ask me. I think they actually broke me. The doc said I was going to need a couple of weeks to recuperate fully. I was up and exploring by that night.

I was supposed to be separated from the lady cats (Snoops and Kommando) for two weeks while I healed and then introduced. It didn’t work out that way. I got loose after a couple of days and ran downstairs. I woke up Snoops. She was not pleased. I’ve never seen a cat that fluffy. She sounded really mad too.

Then I got out and met Kommando. I tried to walk up to her, but she ran away from me. She hid under the bed. I didn’t even get a chance to introduce myself. I hope she’s not really afraid of me. I didn’t chase her or anything. And I didn’t make any noise.

So they’ve been letting me stay upstairs during the day and in my room at night. I really like it here. I have my own full-size bed. They have a cat-size bed too, but I’m not sure who’s supposed to be staying in that one. They gave me some kind of blanket that warms up. I really like it since it’s gotten kinda cold. There are all kinds of places to jump on. And lots of windows to look out. But it’s kind of boring all by myself.

I have a big fish that I play with, but my favorite is something that Mom calls a “puffy.” I guess humans put soap in them and use them when they take a bath. It’s the perfect size for me to pull on the edges and use as a kick toy. Humans take weird baths. I thought water was just for drinking. I’ve discovered that I really like toilet paper. It shreds like crazy. It’s the perfect workout for my claws. For some reason, the humans don’t like having it all over the room.

The food is pretty good. I get wet food in the morning, and kibble at night. I haven’t seen any mice or voles on the menu yet. I’m hoping that I’ll get a shot at fresh meat soon. I tried some of my brother’s pasta today. Human food is fun, but some of it doesn’t taste very good.

The humans spend quite a bit of time with me. I like humans. They cuddle and pet me. I had to learn not to try to eat Mom though. She got really fussy when I tried gnawing on her arm. Head bonks seem popular. And humans are nice and warm! I like the computer too. But I haven’t figured out how to catch the animals in there.

I learned how to turn on the ceiling fan. The cord is long and I can pull it from my bed. The only problem is, that makes the room kind of cold. Mom said something about getting a different cord. I haven’t really had a chance to check out all the cool things on the top of the dresser yet.

I tried going downstairs again this evening. Snoops seemed okay with it. Not thrilled, but she stayed normal-size. Mom says tomorrow’s the day for the formal introduction. She’s going to bring in a huge catnip plant to distract the other cats. I’m going to have full run of the house. I can’t wait.

25

A Cat’s Guide to Welcoming Fall

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Greetings fellow felines. Snoops and Kommando here. Whether you realized it or not, fall has fallen. Last Thursday was the autumnal equinox, which means that fall has officially arrived in the northern hemisphere. We like this time of year because the days are getting shorter and that means more time for cuddling. We also get to break out our favorite blankets.

We’ve been looking around the Internet to see what other kitties enjoy doing this time of year, and to be honest, we were a little surprised. It seems that a lot of cats enjoy taking in the sights this time of year. We’ve gathered a few of the most popular ideas.

Can Cats Eat Pumpkin? (+ Pumpkin Cat Food Recipes) - Fluffy Kitty

Visit a Pumpkin Patch

Some patches allow pets, so if you’re the adventurous type, maybe you want to stroll among the pumpkins. They come is all sizes and we’re sure your human could use the help when it comes to picking out the perfect one for your porch. And it will make a great social media post. Just make sure you’re in a stroller or on a harness/leash. You don’t want to be left there.

4 years of kittens on Twitter: "https://t.co/k9j32wIf1o" / Twitter

Play in the Leaves

Once they come down off the trees, leaves are a lot of fun to play in. You can run and jump and hide. Loose leaves blowing in the wind are fun to chase. It’s also a lot of fun to supervise the humans putting them into big piles for us to jump in. If you don’t want to play with them outside, maybe you can talk your human into bringing a few into the house. If they put a couple of small logs in a box with the leaves, you will have a pawsome sensory pit. Your human can also decorate your catio with fall foliage.

Adventure cats: These felines love to surf, swim and hike

Go Hiking

If you like walking outside, now is the perfect time. It’s not too hot to enjoy wandering around. There should be lots of leaves and other stuff on the ground to explore. If you don’t want to walk; try talking your human into carrying you in a backpack. Or a stroller would be cool too. Make sure you don’t snack on anything you can’t identify.

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Go for a Drive

We’re told that some cats love cars. We are not those cats. But if you are, this is a great time to talk your human into a drive around the neighborhood to look at the fall colors and how things are changing. Maybe they’ll even stop at a cat-friendly shop and get you a spiced pumpkin cream drink.

Baking cat biscuits: quick, easy and delicious | zooplus Magazine

Make Pumpkin Treats

Many cats love pumpkin puree. It’s full of fiber and is good for our digestive systems. Pumpkin has lots of vitamins A and C, as well as antioxidants. You can either get it canned or out of one of those pumpkins you found at the pumpkin patch. Some kitties like it mixed with a little chicken or tuna. You can even have your human grind up the seeds and mix them in.

Came down stairs and my cat was just chilling, watching tv like this : r/funny

Watch a Scary Movie

It’s perfect weather for curling up under a blanket and watching a movie with your favorite human. The best part is that they won’t move for a couple of hours. Maybe you can talk them into getting you some freeze-dried cat treats as a special movie munchie.

Oktoberfest Newquay - Posts | Facebook

Visit a Fall Festival

This doesn’t really sound like all that much fun to us, but we’re putting it out there for you ultra social types. There are lots of outdoor festivals in the fall, but they usually come with a lot of people and noise. If your human thinks you might enjoy it, insist on a stroller or backpack. A related idea is Oktoberfest which also has activities in a brewery, some of which are pet-friendly. You can enjoy a snack on the patio.

Can Cats Eat Apples? Are Apples Safe For Cats? - CatTime

Go Apple Picking

Some orchards allow pets on the premises. You might want to join your human when they go to pick apples. We recommend a backpack or stroller – those places are huge! Definitely see if you can score a bite or two of apple while you’re there.

Can Cats Eat Corn? - All About Cats

Tour a Corn Maze

We really don’t understand the appeal of a corn maze. Human wander around down rows of corn plants, trying not to get lost. But it sounds like it would be a fun way to get some fresh air. You definitely want a backpack or stroller. Who knows how long your human might be wandering around.

28 Good Looking Animals That Take Better Pictures Than You | Team Jimmy Joe | Animals, Funny animals, Cats and kittens

Do a Photo Shoot

Does your human need more pictures of beautiful you? This is the perfect opportunity. If you like to dress up, you can do a Halloween shoot. Otherwise, just some pictures among the fall foliage would be beautiful.

These are only a few of the things we found to do this time of year. Of course, you can always follow our lead: fall is the time when we both move back onto Mom’s bed for lots of cool weather snuggling.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

22

What to Do When Your Human Gets Sick

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Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here again. Mom’s sick, so we’re back on blog duty, as if being the talent wasn’t enough trouble without needing to keep this whole operation afloat by ourselves. Since this clearly won’t stand, we’re going to nurse her back to health. Mom says we’re not “Get Well” kitties, though. (She keeps talking about some former cat – we hate it when she loses focus on us like that.) So we’re going to us this post to prove her wrong. Here are some common human ailments, and what you can do about them.

Why do cats sleep on people? - Quora

Coughing

Just like us, humans cough sometimes. Unlike us, it’s not because they get hairballs. Since they aren’t actually coughing anything up, the whole thing is a bit of an unsightly waste of time. Sometimes it can help to lay on your human’s chest. However, if they are really seriously coughing, then this isn’t always enough. Not to mention that it can make their chest seriously unstable, what with all the convulsions. In these cases, we advise laying over your human’s mouth and nose, which is almost guaranteed to stop their coughing.

Fever

If you’ve ever thought that your human is even warmer than usual, then they might have had what Mom calls a fever. You’re not dreaming; they actually do get warmer! As an added bonus, they’re even more likely to lay down when it happens, so make sure to take full advantage and get in a nice nap with your human. Ours keeps water on the bedside table when she has a fever, which we think is extra-considerate, since it means we only have to get up if we need to eat or use the litter box. Humans reading this, take note.

7 Common Household Items That Can Kill Your Curious Cat | Atlantic Vet Seattle

Runny Nose/Stuffy Nose

You’d think a nose as basic as the average human’s would require little to no upkeep, but you’d be wrong. Somehow, it’s one of the most failure-prone parts of many humans, whether it gets clogged or starts to ooze human juice. On the whole, it’s pretty gross, so we recommend that you stay away until your human is healed on their own. It might feel callous, but there’s really nothing you can do. Humans are tougher than they look (thank goodness).

sleepy cat Blank Template - Imgflip

Lethargy/Drowsiness

On a more positive note, your human may become tired and lie down because of their illness. This is what we mentioned when were talking about fevers. As we stated earlier, this is the perfect time to catch up on all those missed nap opportunities from when your human was making lame excuses to leave the house, like “work.” (Your very presence should comfort and reassure your human. If it doesn’t, or if you can’t tell, make sure your human knows you’re there, by batting at their face, jumping on their chest, gently gnawing their toes, or whatever you normally do to get their attention. Your human might be sick, but that’s no excuse for them to be ungrateful.)

Headaches

Occasionally, your human might complain about a sore head. We’ve seen how their brains work, so this isn’t surprising. In general, they’re kind of like fevers, where making sure your human is resting and recovering on their own is the best option. Some headaches are made worse by loud noises, though. If your human winces and holds their head when you hear something noisy, take note. We recommend loudly meowing to cover up the noise aggravating your human’s condition – be sure to drown it out entirely, working in a team if necessary.

Cats Don't Beg For Food Pictures, Photos, and Images for Facebook, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Twitter

Upset Stomach

Some humans have very delicate dispositions. For example, Mom gets queasy when Snoops brings her mousy bits to snack on. Many humans complain of tummy trouble from time to time. Our best advice is to just be proactive and keep an eye on what your human is eating. If there’s anything you don’t recognize, you should at least give it a sniff test, if not a taste test. remember that your human might no know what’s best for them, and don’t be afraid to be persistent if they don’t want to let you see their food. If you’re not careful, Bast knows what they will put in their mouths. Ours keep trying to eat lentils.

Lolcats - medical - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

This list, with the exception of lethargy/drowsiness, is by no means exhaustive, but we hope it provides insight on some of the more common human maladies. Proper care, treatment, and maintenance will have your human performing at peak efficiency – a properly taken care of human takes care of you properly. Also, we had to prove that we’re better get-well kitties than what’s-her-name. With that done, we wish you the best of luck using our tips to keep your own human in tip-top shape!

Purrs & Headbonks,

Snoops and Kommando Kitty

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

12

Gator Family Vacation: A Punk Croc Odessey – Part 2

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Alligators spotted at Lake Worth over Memorial Day Weekend | wfaa.com

Where we are – The gators decided to head north for a family vacation on Lake Michigan. Meanwhile, Uncle Stu has been road-tripping with his favorite punk croc band, Acrocalypse. Stu called Granny to have Stan meet him in Detroit. Stan and his family pull up outside a landmark club on Detroit’s west side, The Swamp. You can read Part 1 here.

Police wrangle 9-foot alligator outside Florida apartment building – WSVN 7News | Miami News, Weather, Sports | Fort Lauderdale

Justine: Gee, Dad. This place looks a little scary.

Stan: Don’t worry, girls. It’s just showing its age. This club has been around for years.

Stan walked up and tried to open the door, but it was locked. He walked around back and tried that door.

Stan: That’s odd. I know Stu said The Swamp.

Adele: Knowing Stu, he got the right club in the wrong city. Try calling him.

Alligator Crawling out of Apartment Storm Drain Shocks Local Residents

Stan dialed the number and it rang. No answer and the mailbox was full. Stan let out a low growl. He called his mother.

Stan: Hi, Mom. Have you heard from Uncle Stu? I’m at the club, and there’s no one around.

Granny: Didn’t you get his message?

Stan: What message?

Granny: The band went out last night, and the bus broke down. They need you to pick them up in Flint.

Stan: Flint! We just drove through Flint. Why didn’t he call me?

Granny: I don’t know, dear. But they need to be back in Detroit in time for tonight’s show, so you better hurry.

Back seat alligator | Animals | Know Your Meme

Stan was growling loudly by now. He turned the car around, and they drove an hour back to Flint. It wasn’t hard to find the Acrocalype bus. There weren’t many black-and-purple VW buses roaming the streets. 

Stan: Uncle Stu! We finally found you!

Stu: Stan! You made it! I was getting worried about you. Adele! It’s so nice to see you. Beautiful as ever. And the girls growing more gorgeous daily. C’mon. Let me introduce you to the guys!

The Three Crocodiles. The sun crept below the mangroves… | by Auden Wright | The Authentic Eclectic | Medium

Stu introduced them to three rather small crocodiles. 

Stu: This is Billy Joe, Iggy, and Mick. Better known as Acrocalypse.

Stan: Pleased to meet you.

Billy Joe: The pleasure is ours. We appear to be stranded.

Stan: What happened?

Stu: We decided to see a band up here on our night off. When we got up this morning, the van wouldn’t start. I need you to take a look at it.

Stan: Me? I’m not a mechanic. You had me drive all the way down here to look at your van?

Robert Irwin Shares Video Of Alligator Enjoying A Car Ride | ETCanada.com

Stu: Don’t be silly. I invited you to the club. But first we have to get to the club. So I need you to get the van moving. (Whispers) These are nice guys, but they don’t know the first thing about anything practical.

Stan rolled his eyes. He could hear Justine and Suzy giggling. Adele was trying not to smile. Stan opened the hood and told Stu to try to start the engine. He listened for a minute.

Stan: When was the last time you put gas in this thing?

Stu: Um. Probably about three days ago. It usually lasts about a week while we’re on a gig. We should still have a couple days worth of gas left.

Stan: How far do you usually drive?

Stu: Just around the city.

Stan: You’re not in the city. You’re in Flint.

Gator Snaps Up Low Fuel Prices at Flagler Airport - GoToby.com: Florida Real Estate Newsalligator at flagler airport - GoToby.com: Florida Real Estate News

Stu: Oh yeah. I shoulda got gas.

Iggy: Man, Stu, you really shoulda got gas.

Stu: Okay. Let’s get gas and get back. We gotta get Stan ready for the show.

Stan: What do you mean, get me ready for the show?

Mick: You’re our bass guy for the next few nights. Iggy’s got a bad paw.

Stan: I’m not a bass player.

Billie Joe: Stu said you can play.

Global Times - 【Odd】A baby crocodile holds an electric guitar as it leans against a tree at a crocodile breeding sanctuary in Tangerang, Indonesia. Photo: IC http://www.globaltimes.cn/content/1030457.shtml | Facebook

Stan: I’m an accountant.

Iggy: Stu, you said he could play. You said he could play our stuff.

Stu: He can play your stuff. He was in a band called Blind Justice. They were very popular locally.

Stan: That was years ago. And we weren’t punkers. We were rockers.

Stu: You were good.

Justine: You were in a band, Dad?

Stan: It was a long time ago. When I was in college and just after.

Adele: You still play once in a while.

Stan: Not professionally.

Scientists Gave Alligators Ketamine and Headphones to Understand Dinosaur Hearing

Suzy: Dad, you have to try.

Stu drove with the gators back to Detroit. By the time they arrived, Stan had agreed to try playing with Billie Joe and Mick.

Mick: Okay. Let’s start with “I Wanna Eat Your Dog.”

Stan joined in after a few notes and kept up with the band. Stu was nodding his head and keeping time. They moved through a few more of the old hits: “I Wanna Be Your Frog,” “Eat on the Brat,” and “Cairo Calling.” Stan was having a great time. The girls weren’t sure whether they were impressed or appalled.

Suzy: Dad, you’re actually pretty good.

Justine: I’m impressed. I have to post this on my GatorGram.

American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)

The band mates huddled together, whispering. Stu looked at them nervously. Finally, Mick motioned him over, and they whispered some more. 

Iggy: The doc says I can’t play for about a week. Think you can cover the gig?

Stan: I don’t know. I’m supposed to be back at work.

Stu: Call them. Tell them it’s a family emergency.

Adele: Go ahead, honey. How many chances like this will you get?

And Stan got to live out the fantasy of many middle-aged former rockers.

29 Funny alligators ideas | funny, bones funny, funny pictures

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

16

Gator Family Vacation: A Punk Croc Odessey

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Why Are Alligators Showing Up on Beaches? | The Weather Channel

Stan and Adele were basking in the warm Michigan sun. For some reason, the family had decided to vacation Up North by Lake Michigan this year.

Suzy: Hey, Dad. Who planned this year’s vacation? It’s really pretty here.

Justine: It is pretty. But I got cold last night. You should have packed blankets, Mom.

Adele: It’s no worse than home in the winter.

Alligator On Sand - DesiComments.com

Stan: We’re only going to be here a few more days. I really like the sand. It doesn’t catch in my toes like the rocks by our creek.

Adele: I’m pretty sure your cousin Danny suggested it. He came up here when he was interviewing for a residency.

Suzy: I can’t believe he graduated from Animal Tech and is a real bird doctor.

Justine: I still think it’s goofy that he wants to treat birds. Where’s he going to work?

Stan: He got a really good offer from a clinic in the Everglades.

Everglades Holiday Park Airboat Tours & Rides | Alligators

Justine: Ooh! Gator nirvana! And he won’t have to worry about snow like up here. I can’t believe he even considered Michigan.

Adele: I guess they have a lot of birds in all these trees.

Just then, they heard a loud splash. Cousin Penelope had married her boyfriend Maxwell. They were trying to get their son Stephen into the water.

Penelope: C’mon, sweetie. Let’s go in the water.

Stephen: I don’t want to, Mama. You know I don’t like water.

Do Alligators Live in Saltwater or Freshwater? - AZ Animals

Maxwell: Don’t be ridiculous. You’re an alligator. We love water. It’s how we cool down.

Stephen: I’m not hot.

Maxwell: We’ll just get our feet wet.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Penelope: It’ll be fun.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Maxwell snuck up behind Stephen and pushed hard with his snout. Stephen landed in the water with a thud. The water only came partway up his legs, but Stephen was not happy. He started howling.

Young alligators basking under the sun. - Picture of Alligator Adventure, North Myrtle Beach - Tripadvisor

Penelope: Stephen, just relax. It’s only water. You’ll have fun if you stop complaining. Look at your cousins. They’re having a great time.

Stephen: I don’t care. I don’t like water.

Finally, Penelope and Maxwell gave up. They all returned to the beach. Stephen was shivering.

Justine: How bizarre.

Suzy (giggling): You know what a princess Penelope has always been. The kid’s just like her.

Alligator Adventure - North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - Top Brunch Spots

The gators laid on the warm sand and enjoyed the sun with their eyes closed. Stan was just about asleep.

Granny: Stan! Wake up! I have to talk to you.

Stan opened one eye.

Stan: What’s up?

Granny: It’s your Uncle Stu. He needs your help.

Stu was a beloved elder member of the family. He kept the others entertained with his stories. Part of the reason he had so many stories was his legendarily bad sense of direction. He spent many hours being in the wrong place and trying to get home.

dreamt that alligators and crocodiles became famous music artists and it was very popular news, they also wore headphones for some reason : r/Dreams

He hadn’t joined the family vacation because he was spending the summer touring with his favorite punk croc band, Acrocalypse. He had been a fan for years, since it had evolved from its swamp rock roots, the band Creedence Crocodile Redemption.

Stu had been welcomed by the band and had been traveling with them on the tour bus. He did odd jobs along the way. It seemed to be working out well for everyone.

Stan: What happened? Did he miss the bus?

Granny: I don’t think so. He said he needs your help.

Gators – Gatorland

Stan: Doing what?

Granny: He didn’t say. But he want you to meet him in Detroit.

Stan loved Uncle Stu, but it was always an adventure when Stu needed help. Nothing was ever easy.

Stan: Why me? Everyone’s in Michigan. Can’t someone else go? What about my family?

You can take them with you. Please? Do it for me.

Stan sighed. He talked to Adele, and they made plans to leave for Detroit in the morning.

Next week: If he wasn’t lost, why did Stu need Stan?

Robert Irwin Shares Video Of Alligator Enjoying A Car Ride | ETCanada.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

21

Home Alone Feline Edition: This Time it’s Personal

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Snoops and Kommando here. And we are not pleased. Our humans have abandoned us. Our human sister and her very loud family came over a couple of days ago. Of course, we hid. When we came out, our humans were gone. That’s not usual. They disappear regularly, but they always come back.

 But it’s been light and dark and light and dark, and they’re still gone. A strange man came in yesterday and fed us. He said they are on vacation. Vacation? Who would need a vacation from us? Apparently they are going to be gone for a few days.

Now we have to think of a way to get even. The question is, should we do something while they’re gone or should we wait until they get back?

Lolcats - hairball - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Maybe a nice hairball.

Fancy cats and dead gifts - Meme by Capra24 :) Memedroid

Or some kind of varmint.

Lolcats - destroy - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Maybe we can take it out on the plants.

LALALALALALA. Not Listening!

We can give them the silent treatment when they get home.

No touch me, im angy - iFunny :)

Or maybe just act really grumpy.

We think that we’ll just look really cute when they get back. Then they’ll feel bad for leaving us alone. (If you have a better idea, please leave it in the comments.)

Memes courtesy of Google Images.

17

There Goes the Neighborhood: The Groundhogs’ Bad Season: Part 2

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Groundhog Day: Munching Marmots Emerge From the Scientific Shadows - The New York Times

Where we are: Harold and Madge Groundhog were concerned that their yard was being beautified in preparation of being sold. They were rather fond of their human; they and the other animals pretty much had the run of the place. You can read Part 1 here.

Harold: It’s getting worse. Now the other human, the younger one, is starting to clean up the yard too.

Madge: I know. The sticks are all gone, and the grass is shorter than it’s been in ages.

Harold: And the sidewalks are all clean.

Glastonbury Bittersweet Battlers: Invasive Plants Journal: Wild Grape: A Mixed Blessing

Madge: Our human is out every weekend, clearing away the weeds. I guess it’s more the way humans like it, but I miss the overgrowth. She got rid of all the grape vines. She said they were “invasive.”

Harold: Just because they were trying to root in the vinyl siding.

Sara Squirrel: Isn’t that like ivy-league? I thought that was high-class for humans.

Madge: Beats me. All I know is that the sun is getting into our home a lot more than it used to. And I don’t really feel safe anymore.

Roger Raccoon: Me and my friends have been trying to keep it from getting too clean. We’ve dumped the catnip and tomato plants a couple of times.

Ricky Raccoon: Not that you can tell. It gets cleaned up first thing in the morning.

Harold: And they moved some of the stuff inside.

Madge: They keep putting the catnip back down for that new cat to lie in.

Sara Squirrel: Yeah. Those two cats act like they own the place. I thought for sure the inside cats would try to drive them off, but they don’t seem to care.

Pierre Rabbit: I saw the human planting some stuff in front of the house.

Just then a bat flew over. The bats didn’t really like the rest of the animals, but he was curious about what was going on.

Benson: Hey, guys. What’s up?

Madge: We’re worried that the humans are getting the place ready to sell.

Raccoon Will Clean Your House For Treats [VIDEO] | Raccoon funny, Pet raccoon, Raccoon

Benson: You should see what’s going on inside. Major cleaning. Whole rooms are being cleared out.

Madge: Are they talking about moving?

Benson: I wish. My whole family has been living peacefully in the attic. They stirred everything up; we’re all moving out to the bat house. It’s ridiculous inside.

 Madge: But that’s your home!

Benson: It’s not worth it. The human is afraid of us. Every time she sees a bat, she gets the younger one and he puts us out. We’d rather leave on our own terms.

Guide to game: Rabbit and hare

Pierre: It’s not so bad out here. We have a lot of room, and no one bothers us.

Priscilla Rabbit: Did you hear the humans say anything about selling the house?

Benson: No. That’s not what’s going on. I guess that the other main human died a couple of years ago. They’re just finally getting around to really cleaning everything up. It’s a big house and a big yard.

Harold: Yeah. I guess it would take a lot of energy to get things straightened out.

Benson: The humans who are left said something about the one who’s gone being a pack rat. I don’t really know what that means. I saw pictures. He looks like all the other humans.

Cute Mouse Wallpapers - Top Free Cute Mouse Backgrounds - WallpaperAccess

Harold: Weird. I don’t think we have rats around here. I think they look like big mice.

Mortimer Mouse: Yeah. Kinda. But not so cute.

Harold: Do you know what a pack rat is?

Mortimer: I think it has something to do with the way that some rats hoard things.

Benson: Yeah. That sounds right. They are throwing away a LOT of stuff in the house.

Harold: And a lot of stuff out here.

cat loves bunny | Cat love, Rabbit pictures, Pet bunny

Priscilla: But they attracted those two cats. I don’t really like cats.

Pierre: But as long as they feed the cats, the cats don’t bother us.

Priscilla: Good point.

Roger: If they’re not cleaning to sell, we can probably stop trashing the plants on the porch.

Ricky: Sounds good to me. They’re not growing anything good anyway.

Madge (sighing): I guess that means I have to live with less privacy.

Woodchuck Food Habits - Woodchuck Wonderland

Benson: I overheard them say something about moving some of the peonies into the space they cleared.

Madge: Ooh! I love peonies. I hope that’s soon.

Benson: I did hear one other thing. There is no plan to clear the back area anytime soon.

Ricky: All right! Block party this weekend!!

My favorite animal in i party hat, how cute!! | Pet raccoon, Dumb animals, Raccoon funny

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

There Goes the Neighborhood: The Groundhogs’ Bad Season

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Groundhog Photos and Facts

The groundhog family had been living under the porch of the old farmhouse for generations. It was a pretty nice location: the humans didn’t spend too much time outside, and they never bothered the groundhogs. There was plenty of clover to eat and even an ornamental peach tree to climb.

Life had been particularly good in the past couple of years. Something had happened to the male human, and the female human stopped working in the yard almost entirely. The garden in front of the porch got overgrown, and it was hard to even see under the porch. The groundhogs were thrilled. Nothing bothered them, and they came and went as they pleased.

File:Groundhog on rock.jpg - Wikipedia

But this past spring something changed.

Harold: Hey Madge, you notice that the human seems more active than usual?

Madge: Yeah. She’s been over at the side of the house digging around. She’s talking about putting in a rock garden.

Harold: That would be nice. It would give us someplace to sun.

Madge: That’s true. We wouldn’t have to walk around to the back of the house anymore.

Harold: I hope she doesn’t dig up all the clover.

Madge: I wouldn’t worry about it. It hasn’t happened in the 20 years our family’s lived here.

Harold: Excellent point.

Woodchuck Food Habits - Woodchuck Wonderland

Indeed, soon enough the human stopped digging up the side of the house. She came back one day with a bunch of plants that she put on the porch.

Madge: Did you see all that gorgeous greenery. It looks pretty yummy.

Harold: It’s awfully close to the house. I’m not going up there to explore.

Madge: I think she’s going to plant some of it in our yard.

Harold: Oooh. That will be nice. The more green, the better.

Nature Notes: Winter is Coming | The Michigan Nature Guy's Blog

However, the human didn’t put the new plants in the yard. She moved them into larger pots and left them on the porch. One morning, the groundhogs heard digging.

Harold: Look, Madge. She’s clearing the part of the yard by the other front porch. Maybe that’s where she’s going to grow our new plants.

Madge: That would be convenient. I wonder if we should figure out a way to tell her where to put the stuff we like best.

Harold: Let’s go explore what’s up there.

Woodchuck Food Habits - Woodchuck Wonderland

The groundhogs discovered that most of the plants were too high to reach. There were a couple of bushes and some catnip. They also found tomatoes and peppers in pots.

Harold: This is very disappointing. I hope the good stuff is in the pots up top.

Madge: Let’s ask the rabbits to check it out for us. They can jump up there and see.

Safe Wood and Other Plants For Rabbits

The next night, Pierre jumped up on the railing and had a look around. All he could see were herbs. Except, there was one particularly appetizing smell.

Pierre: Bad news, guys. There’s nothing really good up there. Oregano, sage, rosemary. Nothing that’s really going to appeal to anyone.

Harold: Well, rats.

Madge: I hope she finishes putting it in soon. At least we won’t have to worry about having a human out all the time.

Groundhog Trapping & Removal Near Willow Grove, Pennsylvania

The human continued cleaning out the yard. The groundhogs weren’t really paying much attention. One Saturday, they woke up to loud noises a few feet from their nest. They looked out in horror.

Madge: Do something, Harold! She’s digging up right next to our porch! We’re going to lose all our privacy.

Harold: What do you want me to do about it?

Madge: I don’t know. We have to stop this.

violentbaudelaire: A squirrel lunch meeting | Cute squirrel, Cute animals, Animals wild

Later that day, they heard the humans discussing the work. They were very excited about how much “nicer” it looked and how much better it would be once all of the weeds were gone. The groundhogs decided it was time for a neighborhood meeting.

Harold: We wanted to get everyone together to discuss what’s going on in the neighborhood.

Sara Squirrel: You mean the humans’ “Beautification” project? It’s awful. They’re picking up all the sticks, digging out all the weeds, and cleaning up the sidewalks.

Roger Raccoon: Before we know it, the whole place is going to look like it belongs on the front of one of those sales brochures. Like it was when the humans first moved in.

Pierre: We can’t let that happen. What if this human decides to sell it? No one is ever going to be as easy to manipulate as she is.

Texas family wakes up to raccoon on bathroom sink - ABC7 New York

Roger: That’s true. She lets us pretty much run the place.

Harold: Maybe. But she’s destroying my peace of mind right now. She’s ruining the entrance to our home.

Priscilla Rabbit: She’s bringing in nasty plants too. I thought she had planted some fennel. Super yummy. But when I dug up the bulbs, it was only the plant, not the edible kind. Talk about rude.

Madge: A couple of cats have started hanging around too. You know the neighborhood won’t be safe anymore if they stick around.

Roger: We have to do something before we get beautified out of our happy homes.

Next Week: The animals’ plan and how it works out.