8

2018 Animal Olympics Coverage Team

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It’s almost time for the Winter Animal Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. We noticed that the humans put out an announcement introducing their coverage team. We decided that would be a good idea, so here they are:

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General Coordination and Coverage – Riki T. Tavi (mongoose) – our Asian Correspondent

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Interpreters  – Lexi (German Shepard) and Yuma Cho (Raccoon Dog) – you may remember Lexi as the ace translator we discovered during the cat food crisis a couple of months ago.

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Cross-Country Tracking – Harold Hare – member of the gold medal-winning 2014 Snowshoe Hare team.

What it is: Teams compete to see who can locate the most food on a prepared track. There are separate events for carnivores and non-carnivores.

Favorites: badgers, hares, wolverines

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Freestyle Skiing – Margaret Malamute – member of the 2014 Olympic Mixed Sled-Dog Team

What it is: Teams compete for a combined score based on how quickly its members get down the mountain. The skier must remain upright and no equipment is allowed.

Favorites: Dall sheep, reindeer

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Freestyle Sledding – Edie Ermine – gold medalist, 2014

What it is: Teams are scored on how quickly its members are able to get down the mountain in the same position (back, front, sitting).

Favorites: ermine, seals, penguins

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Ice Hockey – Bruno Brown Bear – member of the 2014 Brown/Grizzly Team

What it is: Teams compete to see how many chunks of ice they can get into their opponents goal. Players will be ejected for drawing blood on an opposing team member.

Favorites: polar bears, black bears

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Luge – Penelope Penguin – silver medalist, 2014

What it is: Teams are scored on how quickly its members can get down an iced track on their backs

Favorites:  penguins, polar bears

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Raptor Grab – Arnie, member of the 2014 American Kestrel team

What it is: Teams compete to collect the largest number of fish in the shortest period of time. Points are deducted for bringing back game not marked with the Olympic. Participants are disqualified for bringing back prey that is not a fish.

Favorites: Red-Tailed Hawks, Golden Eagles

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Sleigh Pull – Rodney Reindeer, gold medalist in 2014

What it is: Teams of four animals compete to pull a sleigh of two (friendly) adult black bears. Participants are disqualified for tipping the sleigh over. Note: bears may not be as friendly at this point.

Favorites: caribou/reindeer, moose

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Underwater Relay – Oscar Otter, bronze medalist 2014

What it is: Teams of four animals compete to finish a circular obstacle course underwater with each member completing one quarter of the circuit. The winner is the fastest team with the fewest missed obstacles.

Favorites: otters, seals

We animals don’t tell time like the humans do. So just remember that all of the competitions will be during the day. But when it’s daytime in South Korea. So you might just want to set some kind of recording device or leave the channel on all the time.

See you in February!

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20

Cat Forum: Mid-Winter Get-Away

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Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Are you a freezing feline? A shivering Siamese? A chilly callie? If so, you’ve come to the right place. This winter has already been brutal, and it’s not even half over. Our special guest today is Trixie Tuxedo, who owns Trixie’s Terrific Travel. She specializes in cruises and tropical vacations for the discerning cat. Thank you for joining us Trixie. Why don’t you show us the recommendations you have brought for our followers?

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Hi everyone! I’m so happy to be here. I’ve got a lot of great ideas for the perfect mid-winter vacation. As cats, we all love the sun don’t we? And you won’t find better sun this time of year than on a tropical beach.

You need to decide what type of trip you want to take. Your first option is a cruise. Cruises are exciting adventures for many:

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but also offer opportunities to relax:

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We offer cruises to the Caribbean and Mexico. The advantage to a cruise is that you don’t have to get off the ship at all until the end of the trip if you don’t want to. You can visit the sites if you’d like, but be sure to get back in time for departure. We had one poor kitty who had to stay at Customs for several days after missing a ship.

A significant disadvantage for many cats is that cruise ships are full of humans.The humans are not checked for cat-compatibility which has caused some stress in the past. Although it was the humans who complained, not the cats.

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Some cats prefer to relax in one spot for the entire time. We offer 4-day, 7-day, and 14-day packages to a variety of locations. Some of our more popular destinations are Aruba, the Virgin Islands, and Key West. Are you looking for a romantic getaway? We can find you the perfect place.

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More of the outgoing type? We have something for you as well:

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Regardless of what type of trip you are taking, remember to protect yourself from overexposure to the sun. There’s nothing worse than coming home from vacation with burnt ears.

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Does all of this sound like a budget-buster for you? I understand that sometimes we just can’t afford to get away no matter how purr-fect it would be. Unlike other travel advisers, I won’t try to tell you that you can afford it. You won’t be happy if you’re worried about money.

Instead, how about a weekend trip to a local bed and breakfast to spend some quality time in front of a nice warm fire?

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The most important part is that you get away from your regular routine and relax. Stretching out in the sun is a cat’s right. Don’t let the winter weather get in the way. Visit my website trixiestrips@cat.cat and we’ll get started today.

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16

Limerick Lunacy

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(Limerick, Ireland)

Ed.Comment: Every once in a while, we like to let Cat write something for the blog. (It lets her feel like she’s part of the team, not just the site owner.) So here’s her contribution. We will be back to regular content next week.

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The young wolves were ready to howl.

They had spent the night on a prowl.

But the moon was not bright,

So they started to fight;

And were left in a mood quite foul.

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The kittens loved to play and romp.

On rubber mousies they would chomp.

They never stopped,

Or exhausted, flopped,

While trying to find things to whomp.

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The laughing bear cubs slid on the ice.

The slick ice on their paws felt quite nice.

Then one started to fall

And his mother did call,

Because he needed her ice advice.

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Sometimes our dear cats become jealous,

And may use many means to tell us

That they want to play

Or in our laps lay.

And on that point become quite zealous.

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Is the panda really a bear?

Or another species quite rare?

He’s adorably cute

In his black-and-white suit.

Relatives? He hasn’t a care.

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(not related, but very cute)

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

Animal Resolutions for 2018

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Greetings furry and non-furry friends. We at Cheeseland have discovered that humans do something called “making New Year’s resolutions” this time of year. We weren’t sure what that meant since most of us track time by food or sun. When we looked it up, it said that humans make promises to themselves to improve something about themselves. It also said that most of these promises were broken in a short period of time.

So that explained the shortage of pizza everyone once in a while. And the strange furniture that appeared with the Christmas tree and then went downstairs. It would make funny noises for a little bit and then make a great bed.

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We weren’t sure that animals needed to make resolutions. After all, most of us are pretty close to perfect the way we are. So we send our renowned cat-on-the-street team to interview various animals to see what they could find out.

As expected, most of the animals had no idea what we were talking about. However, a few decided to think about things that would make the humans happier. Names have been changed to prevent ridicule from friends and family.

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Cliff (cat) – I resolve to not to put anymore mice into the human’s shoes. Unless she starts wearing those tail-crunching high heels again. Or irritates me.

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Beverly (hedgehog) – I resolve to not prick my human anymore. Unless she puts her cold hands on my tummy. Or puts a costume on me.

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Josephine (llama) – I resolve not to spit at people. Unless they get too close. Or do annoying human things, like try to pet me when I’m relaxing.

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Ralph (bear) – I resolve not to try to scare campers. Unless they have really yummy food. Or try to catch my salmon. Or try to camp near my berries.

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Mollie (raccoon) – I resolve not to break into people’s houses. Unless it’s really cold. Or they leave food near an open window or door.

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Max (dog) – I resolve not to chew up the pillows. Unless the humans won’t let me sit on the sofa. Or I get bored.

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Those resolutions all sound reasonable to us. And it will be the humans’ fault if they fail.

Perfect.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

19

The Kittens’ Woodland Adventure – Conclusion

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Our story so far: Timmy and Tommy had gone on a trip to the woods with their Kitten Scout troop. They became separated from the troop and it began to rain. They decided to wait out the rain in the woods. They were awakened by a pup who wanted to play. When the pup’s mother came to get him, they discovered they had been playing with a baby wolf. To read the entire story, go here.

Mama Wolf: Stevie! I was wondering what happened to you. You shouldn’t run away like that. (Sees the kittens.) Oh! You were hunting! Good wolfie!

(Timmy and Tommy look at each other, terrified.)

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Stevie: Mama! I wasn’t hunting. These are my friends, Timmy and Tommy. They were staying here until the rain ended. We’ve been playing.

Mama Wolf: Sweetie, you’re a wolf. You don’t play with kittens. They’re prey.

Stevie: Not these ones. They’re my friends.

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Mama Wolf: Honey, they can’t be your friends. They’re kittens.

Stevie (starting to cry): Mama! I can’t eat them. I asked them to play. We’ve been having a lot of fun.

Mama Wolf didn’t know what to do. The kittens looked tasty. But Stevie had made friends with them. It didn’t seem right to eat his friends. And they were pretty cute.

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Meanwhile, Mr. Moggie had called Timmy and Tommy’s mother. She was frantic with worry. She wanted to go into the woods to look for her babies. It was almost night, and they wouldn’t know what to do by themselves.

Mr. Moggie reminded her that she didn’t have any idea where her kittens were and that she wouldn’t be safe wandering around alone either. She began to hiss at him, reminding him that she had trusted him with her kittens and now they were lost.

She sat at the edge of the woods and refused to move. Mr. Moggie sat next to her. It seemed the least he could do.

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Finally Mama Wolf decided that it was more important that Stevie keep his word to his friends than to teach him about appropriate friends.

Mama Wolf: All right, Stevie. We’ll take care of your friends tonight. We can’t go out of the woods at night because someone might shoot us. And it’s not safe to send them out by themselves.

Stevie: Thank you, Mama. I swear I’ll only play with wolves from now on.

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(Stevie went over to the kittens, who had been too terrified to move.)

Stevie: Did you hear that guys? Mama’s going to keep you safe tonight. And we’ll get you home tomorrow.

Timmy (nervously): That’s great, Stevie. Are you sure she won’t eat us?

Stevie: Don’t worry. Wolves are very loyal. If we say we won’t eat you, we won’t.

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Mama Wolf found a concealed place to lie down. She hoped none of the other wolves had seen her. Stevie and the kittens curled up in her tail and were soon fast asleep.

In the morning, Mama Wolf took the kittens to the edge of the woods closest to their home. She stayed back in the shadows.

Mama Wolf: OK, here we are. Please don’t tell anyone about what happened last night. Kittens aren’t safe in the woods.

Timmy and Tommy nodded. They thanked her and Stevie for protecting them. The wolves ran back into the forest, and the kittens ran out of it.

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Mama Cat ran over to Timmy and Tommy. She sniffed them to make sure they were OK. Aside from a strange scent, everything seemed fine.

Mama Cat: My babies! Are you all right? How did you manage in the woods by yourselves all night? I was so worried.

Timmy: We’re fine, Mama. We found a nice safe spot to spend the night. We didn’t wake up until the sun came out.

Mama Cat: You both need a bath. You smell like some kind of wild animal.

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Tommy (looking at Timmy): Well, it was a really good spot. A lot of other animals probably slept there too.

Mama Cat: I’m just glad you’re back home and safe. And next time, I’m going to be one of the mothers on the trip.

The kittens looked at each other and groaned.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

10

 The Kittens’ Woodland Experience

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Brothers Timmy and Tommy were very excited. Their Kitten Scout troop was taking a trip to the woods nearby. They had never been there and were hoping to see bears and wolves and all kinds of wild animals. Their mother tried to explain that they might see raccoons or squirrels, but that their leader would keep them away from anything dangerous.

They were up at dawn on the day of the trip. Oh no! It was raining. A lot. They were afraid the trip was canceled. Sure enough, their mother got a call from the scout master. But the trip wasn’t canceled; it was postponed until the afternoon when the weather was going to be better.

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There were ten kittens on the trip as well as the leader and two mothers. Each mother was responsible for five kittens. Timmy and Tommy were really glad that their mother hadn’t called in time to be one of the chaperones. She would have spent the whole time watching them. It would have been too embarrassing.

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The leader’s name was Mr. Moggie. He was a nice cat, but very easily confused. The kittens liked him because he usually let them do whatever they wanted while he was trying to get organized. Luckily, he was required to bring extra adults along on a trip like this.

When they got to the woods, Mr. Moggie told them to practice their “quiet walking” so the other animals wouldn’t be afraid of them. Being cats, walking quietly should have been natural; as kittens, it was impossible. He didn’t have much luck stopping their chatter either.

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Finally Mr. Moggie decided that he would teach the kittens about the different kinds of scents they could find in the forest. That sounded like fun to the kittens. They gathered around a tree and sniffed. The kittens guessed that it was a dog. Mr. Moggie told them that the scent belonged to a fox.

Next he took them to a pile of droppings. The kittens thought it was disgusting to have to go near it and sniff. They decided that it was some kind of big cat. It was a raccoon. As they went on, the kittens got better at identifying squirrels, rabbits, and woodchucks.

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But after a while they were bored. Mr. Moggie wasn’t sure what to do next. He had planned to show them how to fish in the creek and how to find shelter, but couldn’t decide. He wanted to talk to the mothers about it.

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He told the kittens to play close by while they discussed what would happen next. The kittens ran and chased each other around. Timmy was chasing Tommy when they realized that they had run away from the rest of the group. They headed back when it started to rain again.

As soon as it started to rain, Mr. Moggie told everyone to run out of the woods so they could go home. They raced through the trees. When they got out, Mr. Moggie did a tail count. There were only eight kittens! Timmy and Tommy were still in the forest.

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He panicked. What was he going to tell their mother? Should he go back in and try to find them? Should he take the other kittens home first? Could the lost kittens hear his voice if he yowled?

Meanwhile, Timmy and Tommy found a dry spot to wait out the storm. They weren’t going anywhere until it dried out. Soon they were fast asleep.

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The next thing he knew, Timmy felt a wet nose on his fur. He looked up and saw a huge dog! He started crying and woke his brother. They waited to be eaten.

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The “dog” looked at them in amazement. He had never seen kittens before. He wanted to play. The kittens weren’t sure, but he insisted. They romped around until the kittens were exhausted.

Finally, the “dog’s” mother came looking for him. When the kittens saw her, they were terrified. They hadn’t been playing with a dog. He was a wolf pup.

 

To be continued

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images

18

Cat Forum: Interview with Bad Cat Chris

Welcome. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We are very pleased to have Chris from Bad Cat Chris as our guest today. He’s here today talking about himself and his siblings Puck, Frankie and Floki. We’re not really sure why he’s called Bad Cat. He sounds pretty normal to us.

Please introduce your family members (nicely).

Hi everyone. I’m Chris and I will speak for everyone since I am in charge here. I am the oldest at 8 ½ years and just celebrated my eighth Gotcha Day.  They call me a bad cat because I am always doing things that I am not supposed to do but in my defense, rules are stupid. I am also the most affectionate cat in the house and nobody thinks that is bad.

I am a ginger like Frankie, who is the second oldest. Frankie is a rule breaker, like me, but he is younger and skinny and is harder to catch after he escapes, like he did at 4:00 a.m. this morning. Frankie was three years old when we adopted him in February, 2014 so that makes him almost seven.

Puck is a black cat who was adopted as a kitten in 2012. He was always the best behaved cat until he started pooping outside the box two years ago and peeing outside the box six months ago. He peed on the bed this morning so he and Frankie are both in trouble this morning.

Floki is a Siamese cat that we adopted as a kitten on the Fourth of July last year. Floki is now the official “good cat” of the house and the only mamma’s boy.

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Is there an “alpha” cat in the house?

That would be me but Frankie wants the job so I have to watch him closely

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Does everyone get enough time with the human of choice?

That is not a problem, the humans are pretty accommodating. Whenever I see Frankie on Dad’s lap there is always room for me too.

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What’s your favorite treat? Any nipheads among you?

Everybody loves freeze-dried raw food like Stella and Chewey’s and Instinct. We all like the nip too, especially me. Don’t let anyone come between me and my nip.

cat that looks like hippy trying to score some catnip, if you know anyone

Anybody have an odd quirk? (likes taking a bath, eating olives, etc.)

I like to hold Puck and Floki down by the scruff of the neck. Sometimes I drag them across floor that way. I don’t know why the humans think that’s weird.

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What’s your favorite way to relax?

I like to sleep with my head on top of Frankie . . . or Puck or Floki or whoever is around.

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What do you think is the weirdest thing about humans?

They are always doing this thing called work. I don’t get it. It doesn’t look fun at all. Sometimes they do it at home and sometimes they leave the house to do it. I guess that’s because humans are not as smart as cats.

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How do you feel about your human’s interest in feral cats? Any fear that you may get a new brother/sister?

I think it’s nice that they help those in need and I wouldn’t mind another subject in my kingdom but I think Puck would have a problem. He was still a good cat when it was just me and him.

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Does your human accurately reflect you in his blog or do you think he exaggerates sometimes?

He is not much of an exaggerator except when he talks about my weight. I am not fat! I just have a lot of storage space for energy that I sometimes use when I’m not sleeping.

Cat sitting human like as meme of how it feels when you overeaten and can't understand why your butt won't leave the floor.

Is there anything any of you would like to add?

I just want to thank you for considering us for your interview and I want to say I love all our readers. Also, if you want to get the real scoop, I handle our social media like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Dad just writes the blog.

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Memes courtesy of Cheezburger