6

Feral Purrfessionals: Cats to the Rescue – Part 3

Sunday's Fun And Aww: Hard At Work And Not Appreciating The ...

Where we are: Katie Calico and her friend Elise are working at Mercy General to help the humans in their fight to overcome an extremely contagious virus. Things are going well, although their supervisor Matilda does not seem to be very fond of cats. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The first week went by quickly. The patients seemed to be happy to have the cats there, helping keep the humans from getting sick. The feedback from the medical staff had also been positive. The only real problem was that Matilda was continuing to complain about the cats’ work ethic and ability to work with humans.

If you think cats are antisocial, maybe it's you, scientists find ...

When Katie and Elise arrived on Monday, Matilda met them at the door.

Matilda: Julie wants to see you. I bet she fires you. Cats have no place in a hospital.

Katie and Elise looked at each other. Timidly, they knocked on Julie’s door.

Julie: Come in and have a seat, ladies. How was your weekend?

Katie: It was very nice. It was good to relax a little. And yours?

Julie: Fine. I’d like to get right to the point. The feedback on your work here last week has been almost entirely positive. However, there is one thing that seems to be a problem.

Elise (nervously): What is that?

IM On Ur Desk Cat Meme - Cat Planet | Cat Planet

Julie: I need to know who’s been covering for you at lunchtime. The wait times are terrible and the reports going back to the medical staff are inaccurate. Matilda says that you must not have trained whoever you chose. They need to be trained today or the whole cat program will need to be re-evaluated.

Katie: You’ve already talked to Matilda about this?

Julie: Yes. And she’s very concerned. She can’t tell who is working because they are using your log-in information. Which is also against hospital rules.

Katie and Elise looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Matilda had been working during lunches.

The Hilarious History of Cat Memes | Dr. Elsey's

Julie: You’re not in trouble. Your work has been outstanding. But I need to fix this problem. I want you to be able to stay.

Katie (hesitantly): I’m not sure how to say this…

Elise: It’s Matilda. She’s been covering our lunches.

Julie: That’s ridiculous. Why would Matilda lie about something like this? Besides, she’s worked in the department for years. She wouldn’t make these types of mistakes. I don’t know who you’re trying to protect, but I need the truth.

Katie: We’re not trying to protect anyone. Matilda covers our lunches.

Cute Cat Meme - Imgflip

Julie: I’m sorry. You’re not going to be able to work here if I can’t trust you.

Elise started to cry. Katie tried to think of a way to prove what they were saying.

Katie: There are security cameras everywhere in the hospital. There must be one in the triage area. Or in the computer we use. Can’t you look at that?

Julie: I really don’t like the idea of spying on my employees, but I’ll see what I can find. Go back to work for now.

They worked all day, nervous and scared. At the end of the day, they were called into Julie’s office. Matilda was already there. She glared at the cats when they walked in.

Julie: Please sit down. Matilda and I have been looking over the security footage. I would like to apologize for not believing you earlier.

Skeptical Cat - Imgur

Katie and Elise looked at each other, not believing what they were hearing.

Julie: The security cameras are not very good, but it is definitely a human, not a cat, who is there when you are not. But why are you not logging off at lunchtime?

Elise: We do log off. Matilda said we would be fired if we didn’t.

Julie: OK. Let me find out who has access to your security information.

Matilda: What difference does it make? They’re cats. They’re probably lying.

Therapy Cat Is evaluating. - Cheezburger - Funny Memes | Funny ...

Julie: I need to get to the bottom of this. It concerns our duty to our patients.

Julie called the Technology Department. Matilda started flipping through a file she had brought to the meeting. Julie asked several questions, and then hung up the phone.

Julie: That was strange. Matilda, he said that the only people who have access to passwords are the immediate supervisor and senior management. I know I wasn’t covering the lunches. The cats seem certain that they logged off. That only leaves you.

Programmers need a perfect pet and we know the best one – MissMeowni

Matilda: Why would I use their accounts? I have my own.

Julie: That’s a good point. Why would you?

Julie didn’t say anything more and looked at Matilda. Katie and Elise looked at Matilda. The room was tense. Finally, Matilda spoke.

Matilda: OK. Fine. I did it.

Katie: Why would you do that?

Matilda: Cats don’t belong in hospitals. You eat vermin, sleep all the time, and don’t use soap and water when you bathe.

cats desk Memes & GIFs - Imgflip

Julie: What does that have to do with anything? Look at them. They’re as clean as you are. And I haven’t seen them even resting while they’re on duty.

Matilda: They’re animals, and they don’t belong in a hospital.

Julie: Why did you make all of those mistakes? I know you are better than that.

Matilda: I wanted to let everyone know that they aren’t perfect.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, Therefore I am perfect ...

The other three looked at her in disbelief. She was putting the patients and staff in danger because she didn’t like cats.

Julie: Katie and Elise, I would like to apologize again. I had no idea something like this would happen. You can go home, and I’ll see you in the morning.

Relieved, Katie and Elise left. When they returned the next morning, Matilda was not there. She had been terminated for security violations.

The cat program turned out to be a great success at Mercy General. Katie and Elise stayed until the end of the crisis, then returned to their real jobs. They had learned a great deal about hospital administration and human sickness that would be useful as their careers progressed.

Sorry, Cat Haters, Science Isn't On Your Side | Popular Science

 Pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

Feral Purrfessional: Cats to the Rescue – Part 2

Top 10 Cat Emergencies | Animal Medical Center of the Village

Where we are: Katie Calico and several of her former classmates have been asked to help the humans in their fight to overcome an extremely contagious virus. The virus can be fatal to humans, but does not affect cats. The cats all agreed to help and are waiting for their assignments. You can read Part 1 here.

Katie learned that she would be assigned to Mercy General Hospital starting on Monday. When she arrived, she saw that her partner was Elise.

An Adorable Gallery of Hugging Cats

Katie: Elise! I’m so happy to see you!

Elise: I know! Just like old times.

Their reunion was interrupted by a female human voice.

Human: All right, you two. No time for chatting. I can’t believe they sent me cats to replace my girls. You better not spend all of your time sleeping. I know how cats are. My name is Matilda, and I’ll be your supervisor.

How much do cats sleep, and how many hours do they really need ...

Elise: My name is Elise and this is Katie.

Katie: Pleased to me you, Matilda.

Matilda: I’ll show you where you’ll be working. One mistake and you’re out of here. CATS! I can’t believe they sent me cats! What’s next? A hedgehog?

Katie and Elise looked at each other, wondering if all the people were going to be like her.

Doctor game - null | Hedgehog pet, Cute kawaii animals, Baby hedgehog

Matilda: I’ll let you two get settled. And remember: no sleeping.

Matilda stomped off and started talking to another woman.

Katie: Do you think she’s ever met a cat?

Elise: I doubt it. Otherwise, she’d know we can hear every word she’s saying, and she might be nicer.

Katie: Probably not. She definitely has her opinions.

For your overly opinionated relative - Album on Imgur

They laughed. After a few minutes, the other woman came over.

Woman: Hi ladies. I’m Julie, and I run this department.

Katie: Hi. I’m Katie and this is Elise.

Julie: I see you’ve met Matilda. Don’t let her get to you. She’s all noise.

Maverick Philosopher: Cats

The cats looked at each other doubtfully.

Julie: I am so happy you are here! It’s so kind of you to help us. If you have any questions, just ask. I want you to be comfortable.

Julie walked off.

Katie: Wow. I hope she’s around more than Matilda.

Elise: Definitely. But now we need to see what all this stuff is.

While the cats were studying the machines, they heard a tap at the window.

Dorchester woman creates popular meme site about feral cats | The ...

Woman: I’m Susan Meyers and… Oh my goodness! You’re cats! Horace, come here! The news was right. Cats are working at the hospital.

Horace: Please excuse my wife. She’s very excitable. We’re happy you’re here to help.

Susan: Oh, yes! And you’re just adorable!

Katie: Thank you ma’am. Are you the one who is ill or is it your husband?

Susan: It’s me. I have a fever and chills. I need to find out if I have “it”.

Katie: Well, you’ve come to the right place. I’ll open the door, and you can speak with Elise.

Lolcats - medical - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures ...

Elise took the woman to a cubicle where she checked Susan’s vital signs and asked her a few questions about her symptoms.

Elise: I’m afraid your symptoms do match those of the virus. You’ll need to wait for the doctor in the quarantine room.

Susan: What about Horace?

Elise: We’ll let him know what’s going on. He can stay where he is, and we’ll keep him updated.

Susan: Thank you so much. I really am happy you’re here.

The morning went by quickly. Most of the humans were pleasant and didn’t seem to be bothered working with the cats. Soon they heard Matilda’s voice.

Cats having their lunch - Picture of The Company of Cats ...

Matilda: Lunchtime, ladies. You get a half hour, and you can’t go at the same time. I’ll examine the patients while you’re gone.

Katie and Elise looked at each other.

Elise: I’ll go first.

The hour seemed like it would never end. Finally, they were back together.

Working cat Memes

Elise: That was horrible.

Katie: She was really slow. People were getting upset.

Elise: She wasn’t any nicer to the patients than she was to us.

Katie: I know. I wonder how she keeps her job.

Elise: The virus is probably afraid of her.

Cat Laughing Hysterically | Funny cat photos

They both laughed and went back to work, this time with Elise at the desk. The afternoon was as busy as the morning, so the time flew by. The cats went home, happy but exhausted.

Next week: Does Matilda adapt to working with cats?

Tired little kitty....in the library! Cats must love books ...

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Snoops and Kommando here. We want to offer condolences to our non-furry sister and her husband. Their cat Spaz crossed over the Rainbow Bridge earlier this week. You may remember Spaz from her and her siblings visit with us last fall or when we interviewed her and her furry siblings

23

Feral Purrfessionals: Cats to the Rescue

Image result for cats being doctors

We last saw Katie Calico and her friend Elise at the end of their first year at Mid-America Animal Tech. They were studying medicine to be able to help treat feral cats. You can read the story at Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5. In the last part, Katie received a scholarship to work with Maria Meowski at her clinic for feral cats. Also in that part, Katie’s mother and Elise’s dad (the dean at the school) married each other.

Katie and Elise have graduated from Animal Tech. Elise has continued to work at Maria’s clinic and loves it. She plans to stay there for the foreseeable future. Elise is working as a lab instructor at the school.

 One day, Katie got a call from her stepfather Edgar asking her to come to the school for a meeting. When Katie arrived, she saw that Elise was there, as well as several other graduates.

Image result for group of cats talking

Edgar: Thank you all for coming. I received a call from a human doctor asking for our help.

Maria: Why do they want our help?

Elise: They have some kind of sickness going around that’s really contagious.

Susie: What’s that got to do with us? Do they want to make us sick too?

Edgar: Nothing like that. Whatever this is, cats can’t get it. But human doctors and other medical personnel are at significant risk, particularly when people first some into an emergency room or clinic.

Image result for funny quarantine memes

Katie: Why is that?

Edgar: They don’t know whether the person has this sickness or not.

Katie: What type of sickness is it?

Edgar: It’s a virus that attacks their lungs and their breathing.

Maria: That sounds awful.

Edgar: The humans are very concerned. It’s not just the virus itself. If the medical people get it, they won’t be able to help the others.

Image result for cat playing nurse

Susie: What do they want us to do?

Edgar: A lot of the clinics have stopped seeing walk-in patients. Everyone has to call first.

Elise: But hospitals have to stay open.

Edgar: They want us to be the face of the hospital. There would be a cat at the front desk. Cats would also be doing triage for the emergency room.

Josie: Exactly what does that mean?

Edgar: You would be the ones who greet the people, take their temperature, and type out their symptoms. There would be two cats working as partners.

Image result for cat typing meme

Katie: When does this start and how long will it last?

Edgar: They’d like you as soon as possible. They don’t know how long they will need you.

Katie: What about our current jobs? I definitely want to keep working with Maria.

(The other cats nodded.)

Edgar: I’m sure you can get a leave for this situation. I can speak with anyone who has questions.

Josie: I’m not sure I want to do this. Humans have turned a hose on me and chased me away.

Image result for cat at desk meme

Edgar: No one will be forced to do it. It’s entirely up to you. Is anyone interested?

All of the cats raised their paws, even Josie. They knew it would be an excellent opportunity to learn new skills. Even if they were practicing on humans.

Edgar: Excellent! The humans will be very happy to hear it. I’ll email you your assignments as soon as I know.

The cats left, nervous but excited.

Next week: Will the cats and humans work together effectively?

Image result for cats being doctors

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

27

Cat Forum: What is a Calico?

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to another edition of Cat Forum.

Kommando: Hey, Snoops. Why does Mom call you her favorite cali?

Snoops: It’s short for calico. That’s what they call the beautiful coloring of my fur.

Kommando: That’s strange. I looked up cali (with a c) in the dictionary, and they said it was a city in Colombia

Snoops: Hmm. That’s odd.

Image result for cat destroying things meme

Kommando: Yeah. That’s what I thought. So I looked it up with a “k”.

Snoops: What did it say?

Kommando: The Hindu goddess of death and destruction. That seemed a bit extreme, since you’re usually pretty laid back.

Snoops: Thanks. Like I said, it’s just short for Calico.

Kommando: OK, that makes more sense.

Pauses. Then looks up again.

Kommando: Uh, Snoops? This says that calico is a cotton material imported from India or some other type of cotton material

Image result for white calico catcalico cloth

Snoops: That’s not right. Keep looking.

Kommando: OK, OK. Let’s see. How about a blotched or spotted animal? One that is predominantly white with red and black patches.

Snoops: Good grief. What are you reading?

Kommando: It’s called Merriam-Webster.

Snoops: Well. I don’t know who that it, but they’re crazy.

Kommando: That sounds pretty ugly. Are you sure Mom means it as a compliment?

Snoops: Yes. I’m sure. I think that Miriam lady hates cats.

Image result for white calico cat

Kommando: Maybe. There are some strange people out there.

Snoops: Anyway. We do have three colors. And usually they’re white, black and orange. Some are predominantly white and some are predominantly black.

Kommando: So humans just go in and order a calico in the colors they want?

Snoops. Of course not. We’re not a breed. It’s a coat pattern.

Kommando: Oh. So you’re just a regular cat.

Image result for maneki neko calico

Snoops: Hmmph. Some people think we’re lucky.

Kommando: Really?

Snoops: Yep. Here and in England, male calico cats are lucky because they’re so rare.

Kommando: OK. So that lets you out. You’re a girl.

Snoops: True. But in Japan, Maneki neko (a cat talisman) is almost always a calico, and they think she brings good fortune and wealth. Not only that, traditionally Japanese sailors brought calicos on voyages to chase away storms and angry ancestral spirits.

Kommando: That’s pretty cool.

Image result for calico cat maryland

Snoops: And we’re the official state cat of Maryland. That’s kinda weird though. They didn’t pick us because we’re awesome. They picked us because we look like their state bird, the oriole.

Kommando: It says that sometimes humans confuse you guys with tortoiseshells.

Snoops: That’s weird. Torties don’t have white in their coats. Humans just don’t pay attention.

Kommando: That’s true enough.  Well, I guess being three colored is better than being a goddess of destruction.

Image result for calico cat memes

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

20

Advice for Today’s Cat

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Welcome to House of Cats, the home of all things cat. Put your humans in another room and enjoy some time with us. Today we are welcoming Muffy Fluffington, the author of Own Your Human, Don’t Let Your Human Own You. Today Muffy is going to answer some of the most common questions she gets.

Image result for cat helping cook

My human says I never do anything, but when I try to help her, she puts me on the floor.

This is a common problem. Humans just don’t understand that they need help with their typing, cooking, and needlework. If they won’t let you do anything else, at least share some fur. Everything is better with fur.

Image result for dieting cat meme

My food tastes terrible since my human changed it. I think she’s trying to put me on a diet.

Humans do have a funny idea about what we should look like. I think it’s part of the whole body image issue they have with their own kind. They can’t control their own weight, so they want to control ours. In your case, I would force your human to taste some of the food they want you to eat. I can guarantee they won’t like it.

Image result for cat lying on furniture

My human rearranged the furniture. My favorite tree and pillow aren’t near the windows anymore.

This one is easily solved. Pull your blanket over to whatever they have put by the window and sleep there. When they move you, go back as soon as they leave. Before long, you’ll have your sunny window back.

Image result for cat hunting mice meme

I have been trying to teach my human to catch mice for three years. Should I give up?

As much as humans complain about mice in the house, most of them never learn how to catch the little guys. I would say that you should give them one more shot. Don’t go after the mice yourself. Once there are a few running around, your human may be more motivated to follow your example.

Image result for cat with baby

My humans just got one of those miniature humans. It never shuts up. How do I get some sleep?

Those baby humans are a problem. Before you know it, the kid will be running after you and trying to give you hugs with sticky hands. For right now, I recommend that you convince your humans to get you one of those snuggle sacks that you can crawl into. That should keep out a lot of the noise. Another option is to use whatever spot you have for when they turn on the cat-sucking cleaning machine.

Image result for cat bath meme

My human wants to bathe me. Just because she read that cats should be bathed once in a while.

What an awful idea! You have no option but to make bath time so miserable for her that she gives up. I recommend you start with hissing and growling. If that doesn’t work, move on to squirming. As a last resort, kick your way to freedom. And hide where she can’t reach you.

That’s all the time we have for this week’s House of Cats. Thank you all for tuning in. You can release your humans now.

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

15

Show and Tell Surprise – Conclusion

Image result for sad moose

Where we are: Ms. Beaver’s elementary school class is going to have its first Show and Tell. Mike Moose has told his friends that he has a great idea about what he’s bringing, but he really doesn’t have any ideas. You can read Part 1 here.

Mike got home without any ideas coming to mind.

Mom: Hi, sweetie. How was school?

Mike (gloomily): It was terrible. We couldn’t go outside today, and everyone was really bored. Then Ms. Beaver said that we would have Show and Tell tomorrow to make it better.

Image result for moose mother and calf

Mom: That’s not so bad. At least you’ll have a better day tomorrow.

Mike: Not really. I want to take something awesome. But I don’t have anything awesome.

Mom: What do you think is awesome?

Mike: I don’t know. Just something that no one else has.

Mike’s mom thought for a few minutes. Then she made a suggestion that Mike really liked. He was excited the next day when he went to school and could hardly wait for Show and Tell. Finally, it was time.

Image result for happy wild animals

Ms. Beaver: It’s time for Show and Tell. Who would like to go first?

Everyone raised their hand. Ms. Beaver decided that the only fair way would be to go around the room. The children each showed their item. There were favorite books, pictures of gardens, favorite toys, and a few other things. Finally, it was Mike’s turn.

Mike: I had a lot of trouble deciding what to bring today. Finally, my mom made a really good suggestion. I’d like to introduce you to my grandmother, Joanie Moose.

The children started to giggle. Why would he bring in his grandmother? Was she supposed to be the great idea?

Image result for laughing bear

Joanie: Hello, children. I bet you’re wondering what’s so special about me, aren’t you?

Egbert Bear: No offense intended. We were just wondering why Mike would bring in his grandmother.

Joanie: Mike thought that you might enjoy a story that I have to tell about when I was a young moose.

The children quieted down and listened.

Image result for reindeer

Joanie: When I was a young moose, I met one of Santa’s reindeer. He wasn’t one of the famous ones. Julius was one of the backups in case someone got sick on Christmas Eve. We went out a few times and had really liked each other.

Finally, he asked me to come home with him and meet Santa and the other reindeer. You can imagine how excited I was. Santa was really nice, just like you hear in the stories. And the reindeer were all kind. It was a wonderful trip.

At the end, Julius asked me to stay with him at the North Pole. I thought about it, but decided that I wanted to be at home with my family. So, I came back down here to Northland. I met Mike’s grandfather and had a wonderful family. But once in a while I think about my visit to the North Pole.

Image result for moose cuddling

The children were enthralled. She had met Santa! They asked her a lot of questions until Ms. Beaver said it was time to get back to work, and Joanie went home. After school, the children were still talking about it.

Egbert: Okay, I was wrong. You did have the best Show and Tell.

Joey Hare: Yeah. That was amazing. Maybe sometime we could come over to your house and talk to her some more.

Mike: Maybe. She would probably like that.

The children were still talking about Joanie for several days after that.

Image result for moose family

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

25

Show and Tell Surprise

Image result for wild animals in snow

It had been a long winter at Northland Elementary School. There was a ban on recess until the worst of the snow storms had passed. Being inside was making everyone stir-crazy.

Ms. Beaver: That’s it for math today. Does anyone have any questions?

Pete Seal: Can we go outside after lunch?

Image result for seals playing in snow

Ms. Beaver: You know we can’t Peter. The school says we can’t go out until the weather gets better.

Annie Fox: What does the weather have to do with anything? We’re northern animals. We live in the snow.

Ms. Beaver: It’s not really the snow. It’s that Brian Brown-Bear ran away during the first heavy snow of the season and no one knew he was gone until everyone got back inside. By the time they found him, he was asleep in his home den.

Jeffrey Otter: So what? Because he went home, no one can go out?

Image result for bear sleeping

Ms. Beaver: They’re afraid that someone might get lost or taken by a bad human, and we wouldn’t know in time to do anything.

The children groaned.

Billy Beaver: It’s only February! That means it’s forever until we can go out.

Ms. Beaver: Don’t be dramatic, Billy. It’s only during heavy snowfalls or storms that we can’t go outside.

Suzy Ermine: I’m bored.

Image result for animal show and tell meme

Ms. Beaver: I have an idea. Do you know what show-and-tell is?

The children shook their heads that they did not.

Ms. Beaver: Everybody brings in something special from home and tells the rest of the class about it.

Billy: What kind of stuff?

Ms. Beaver: It can be anything, really. Your favorite toy. Something from a hobby. Something that someone has given to you.

Image result for animal playing with toys meme

Billy: Is there stuff we can’t bring?

Ms. Beaver: Anything that might offend or scare the rest of the class. And nothing dangerous.

Pete: No trophy kills, right?

Ms. Beaver: Definitely not.

Annie: When should we bring our things in?

Ms. Beaver: Why don’t we do it tomorrow? It’s still supposed to be storming and it will give us a nice break.

Image result for excited animal meme

The children were excited about the idea and talked about their ideas during lunch and after school. On the way home, three of the boys were bragging about who would bring in the best thing to show.

Egbert Bear: I think I’m going to show my collection of eagle feathers.

Joey Hare: Bert! She said no prey.

Egbert: They’re not prey. I pick them up off the ground.

Joey: Oh. I think I’ll bring in the empty nest I found. That’s a lot better than a bunch of feathers.

Image result for angry hare

Egbert: Is not! You probably don’t even know what kind of nest it is!

Joey: Is too!

Egbert: Is not! What about you, Mike?

Michael Moose had no idea what he was going to bring. He didn’t have anything as good as feathers or a nest. But he didn’t want to tell the guys that.

Mike: It’s a secret. But it’s tons better than either one of those.

Image result for moose calf in snow

Next week: Will Mike find something special by the next day to show his class?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images