Category Archives: Humor

4

The Gator Family vs the Homeowners Association – Part 2

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Where we are: Following an inspection from their Howeowners Association (HOA), Stu and Amanda Gator have received citations for seven violations. Apparently a new board was recently elected, and they want to focus on keeping the subdivision as uniform in appearance as possible. Stu was furious. He talked to some of his friends and neighbors. All of them had complaints.

Josey Black Bear: Did you know they have rules against having dead wood in your yard? We can’t teach our kids how to make a decent den without branches and trunks.

Eddy Black Bear: Yeah. We’re not supposed to dig holes in the yard either.

Stu: Not even your backyard?

Eddy: , That’s what they said. They’re dangerous and detract from the aesthetic of the neighborhood.

Stu: What’s that supposed to mean? It’s a subdivision full of animals. We’re not supposed to act like animals?

Josey: Rumor has it that the new president of the HOA used to live near humans and that’s where he got the idea.

Bucky Beaver: I guess you heard that we have to take down our dams. They’re considered an “eyesore” by the HOA.

Stu: What do they want you to have instead?

Bucky: They suggested we take out a permit to put in a fish pond.

Stu: You guys don’t eat fish, do you?

Bucky: No, we don’t. But it wouldn’t matter if we did. The pond is only for looking at, not for raising food.

A few of the neighborhood ladies stopped by to talk to Stu.

Germaine Gazelle: They told me I’m only allowed to have two colors of flowers in my garden.

Stu: Which two?

Germaine: They don’t care as long as there’s only two.

Cindy Calico: And no flowering shrubs.

Stu: Why not?

Cindy: I’m not sure, but all shrubs need to be green.

Stu: they told me I wasn’t allowed to have more than two.

Cindy: That’s right. One on either side of the door. They don’t want the front to look cluttered.

Pauline Poodle: They are making us paint or side our house a new color. They don’t allow forest green.

Stu: I don’t think they want anything that’s not living to be in green. What colors do they allow?

Pauline: White, beige, and brown. And only red brick.

Jeffy Zebra: And they won’t let me hang the flag from my school anymore either.

Stu decided that they needed to do something. He sent a message to the homeowners’ chat page telling them to meet at his house on Tuesday so they could march to the meeting together.

Amanda: I don’t know, honey. It sounds like the goat might be right. We did sign the paperwork.

Stu: The paperwork was drafted by a human for humans. That weasel in charge is trying to force us to do things that are against our nature.

Amanda: You don’t need to call him names.

Stu: I’m not calling him names. His name is Erskine Weasel. And he used to live with humans. So he has their weird ideas about how we relate to nature. Just because we live in a subdivision like humans do, doesn’t mean we have to act like them. Are you with us or against us?

Amanda: You know I’m always with you.

It was an hour before the meeting, and no one had shown up. Stu was pacing around, getting nervous. Bucky Beaver was the first to arrive, followed by the bears and the cats. By the time they left, there were thirty families represented. As they marched down the street, the waved signs and shouted.

Stu: What do we want?

Animals: Freedom to be animals!

Stu: Whose houses?

Animals: Our houses!

Stu: Whose rules?

Animals: Our rules!

Stu: Who decides?

Animals: We decide!

Erskine Weasel had heard that there might be a few unhappy homeowners at the board meeting. He asked the members to arrive early so they could strategize. The board met for an hour before the start of the meeting. The members were the inspectors Maxine Cow and Effie Goat, as well as Jimmy Gerbil and Janelle Jackrabbit. They were all administrative types, not eager for confrontation. They heard noise outside.

Jimmy: What’s all that noise?

Erskine: Let me see.

He opened the door.

Erskine: Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness gracious.

Maxine: What’s out there?

They all got up to look. They saw a large group of very angry animals coming towards them.

Jimmy: I did not sign up for this. My job is to organize potlucks and bingo.

Janelle: My job is to take notes at meetings.

Maxine: We all agreed to enforce the Homeowners Agreement. We knew there would be some unhappy animals.

Effie: Not this many and not this angry. What are we going to do?

Erskine pushed everyone back inside and locked the door.

Erskine: They need to put their requests in writing. This meeting is now closed-door.

They could hear the angry animals on the other side of the door.

Next week: Will Orchard Bluff become an orderly, uniform subdivision?

Images are AI-generated using Google Gemini

20

The Gator Family vs The Homeowners Association

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Stan, Adele, and the Girls were visiting Uncle Stu and Amanda. They were sitting on the back deck overlooking the basking pool. 

Adele: This really is a beautiful place. I love the landscaping.

Stu: Thank you. Amanda is very talented.

Amanda: We did it together. We’re really lucky to live here. The Homeowner’s Association (HOA) here is very relaxed about what we can put in. The last place I lived, they were very strict with the rules.

Stu: That reminds me. You should see what the beavers a couple of streets over did. They put in some dams and waterfalls. It’s very relaxing.

Suddenly, there was a voice from the front.

Voice: Hello? Hello? Is anyone home?

Amanda: Maxine, we’re around back.

A cow and a goat came around the house. The cow spoke.

Maxine: Good afternoon, gators. I hope all is well. Effie and I are here to do our inspection for the HOA.

Amanda: What kind of inspection?

Effie: We’re just doing a tour of the neighborhood to make sure everything’s in compliance with our rules.

Amanda: We’ve been here over a year. Why are you doing it now?

Effie: The Board realized that we’ve been a little lax in enforcing our rules. Some of the residents are taking advantage, and we need to get things under control.

Maxine: You should have been expecting us. We sent out letters and emails.

Amanda: We haven’t gotten any messages.

Effie: Let’s see. They were sent to gatorguystu@animail.com.

Stu: That’s me.

Amanda: Let me see your phone, Stu.

She scrolled through his mail. She found a folder labeled “House”.

Amanda: Why are the messages in the House folder?

Stu: I put anything I get about the house in there, in case I need it later. I must have forgotten to read them before I filed them.

Effie: This won’t take long. We just need to look around outside and make notes about anything that doesn’t meet the rules.

Stan: What happens if something doesn’t meet the rules?

Maxine: It will need to be removed or replaced.

Stan: Even if no one has a problem with it?

Effie: Those are the rules. They signed the agreement.

Stu: Can you ignore what’s here now and we can follow the rules going forward?

Effie: Unfortunately not. There is entirely too much diversity in the yards here in Orchard Bluff. We want to present a coherent picture of who we are.

Stu: But this yard is who we are.

Maxine: But that’s not necessarily what Orchard Bluff is.

Maxine & Effie walked around the property taking notes. When they finished, Maxine gave Stu a list of things that needed to be changed. He was in shock.

Amanda: How long do we have to make these changes?

Effie: The entire neighborhood needs to be up to standard in 90 days.

Stu: Who do we talk to if we don’t agree with the changes.

Maxine: There’s a board meeting in two weeks if you want to appeal the changes. But the board has decided that we need to standardize the appearance of the subdivision.

They left and the gators looked over the list

  • Grass is higher than three inch maximum in the backyard
  • Unauthorized flag hanging in front
  • Unapproved pool in back yard
  • Unauthorized house accent color (green) 
  • Unauthorized flowering shrub
  • More than two shrubs
  • No rock gardens

Stu: This is outrageous! Alligators need long grass to lie in.

Justine: I can’t believe you can’t fly your Gator Nation flag.

Adele: And no alligator green on the house.

Amanda: It’s not a real pool. It’s just for basking.

Stu: What did they say? The meeting’s in two weeks.

Amanda: If we want to challenge anything. I don’t think it will do any good. We did sign the agreement.

Stan: What are you thinking, Stu?

Stu: I think it might be time to start organizing the neighbors.

Next week: The HOA Board Meeting

Pictures AI generated.

17

A CatForce Job Applicant

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Cat On Computer - Marin Humane

Archie was tired of living at home. He wanted to get his own place so he could get away from the new batch of kittens and all the rules his mother had. He wasn’t really what he wanted to do with his life. A buddy of his had found a pretty good spot as rodent control at a bakery. He told Archie to try CatForce.

Archie looked at the website: CatForce: Cats and Humans Working Together. Hmm. Barney hadn’t said anything about all of the jobs being with humans. He decided to give it a try.

So why do cats like laser-dots?. A scientific verse+video mashup, by… | by Organic Bandwidth | Real/Digital Hybrid Living | Medium

Step 1: Building your profile. That looked simple enough. The first section was easy: name, address, and contact information.

Step 2: What experience do you have? Archie thought. He didn’t have any experience working with humans.

Step 3: What skills do you have? General cat-type skills: hunting, pouncing, excellent at laser tag.

Wet Cat In The Rain Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Step 4: List three strengths: patient. (Rats! Why didn’t Barney tell him how hard this was going to be?) persistent, tidy

Step 5: List three weaknesses: can sleep anywhere (maybe that’s a strength?), don’t like rain, short attention span (sometimes; if it’s not about me)

Then the questions.

Purr-manently confused! Tilly the cat looks forever perplexed

On a scale of 1-10. how much do you like humans? Maybe 5? I don’t know any.

Do you want to work inside or outside? Inside. I don’t like bad weather.

Do you want to work days or nights? Either

Petting Aggression: Why Cats Bite the Hand They Love & What to Do (Vet-Approved) - Catster

Do you want a place to live on your job site or go home at the end of your shift? Depends on the job

Do you have any record of attacking humans? No.

Thank you for answering all of the questions. We are working on a list of the types of jobs you would match with as well as a list of jobs we would not recommend for you.

Recommended: Shop Cat, Library Cat, Factory Cat

Not Recommended: Barn Cat, Farm Cat, Lap Cat

Would you like to see open jobs in your Recommended categories? You can choose See More to look at details or Pass to remove it from your list of opportunities. Isn’t the point of answering all the questions? Yes, I want to see the jobs.

Cat smells owner's foot and retches – Michael Broad

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – See More (maybe there will be birds there)

Rodent Control Nick’s Shoe Emporium – Pass (ugh; naked human feet)

Rodent Control Nikki’s Noodle House – Pass (I don’t like noodles)

Why Your Cat Likes Sleeping on the Bed With or Without You | PawTracks

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – See More (sounds like there might be ice cream)

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – See More (getting paid to sleep = cat Nirvana)

Display Model Cats and More – See More (possibly another sleeping opportunity)

CatForce processes the information and presents the following job descriptions:

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – Become a valued member of our team. The Acme Feather Company has been creating cat toys for over fifteen years. The bins of feathers need to be protected from the teeth of the rodents in the warehouse. Excellent pay with top-of-the line benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie set up an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – Our apologies. The Health Department has required us to remove this posting.

Maine Coon vs mixed-breed short haired cat size comparison : r/interestingasfuck

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – Looking for someone to join our mattress testing team. The ideal candidate will be able to sleep on demand and give feedback on the quality of the mattress. Benefits include our state-of-the-art snack bar and competitive pay/benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose a spot on Monday morning.

Cat furniture by CatsPlay - CatsPlay Superstore

Display Model Cats and More – You know us from our unique cat trees and kitty condos. Be a part of our sales team. Work in the showroom demonstrating how comfortable our products really are. Excellent employee discount program. Vacations and health benefits programs. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose Monday afternoon.

I Bought a GIANT CAT TREE and My Cats Loved It!

Follow-up: Archie went to all three interviews. He chose the job at Cats and More. The humans were really nice and the products were extremely comfortable. The Acme Feather Company position was overnight, and Archie was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stay awake. The job at the State Street Spring and Mattress involved sleeping with strange humans. Archie was uncomfortable with the whole idea.

Why Do Cats Sleep So Much? Common Feline Sleep FAQs

Non-AI pictures courtesy of Google Images

27

Behind the Scenes at CatForce

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Confused Cat Face

Thomas Tabby has started a new software platform, CatForce, to match working cats with humans who are looking for some feline assistance. The site was intended to allow humans to post positions and have the cats look for something that interested them.  There was a bit of an unforeseen issue with the actual communication between the humans and the cats. While most cats are fluent in human, it is extremely rare to find a human who understands the language of cats.

Cats of the Call Center : r/midjourney

After some research, the CatForce Help Center is using AnimalTongue Cat as a translation tool. The human fills out the form describing what position they are trying to fill, the form is translated into Cat, and CatForce staff decides whether they will accept or decline the position. If a posting is declined, the human can contact the help center to make modifications to the posting. All communication is handled through CatForce Chat. Here are a few examples:

Katy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 1: I’m not sure. I only have one request.

Katy: Have you submitted a job description?

Human 1: Yes. And the email said it was denied.

45 Cat Cry Laptop Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Katy: There should be an order number on that email.

Human 1: Can’t you just use my name? Or email or something?

Katy: Unfortunately, our system sorts by order number. You should have received it when you first placed your request. It would have been on the denial email too.

Human 1: I want to talk to a human.

cat and computer Tag - Palm Press

Katy: I’m sorry, but this is a cat-owned business. There are no humans here.

Human 1: That’s ridiculous. Aren’t your managers human?

Katy: We are proudly 100% cat owned and operated. Unfortunately, I can’t assist you if you don’t have your order number.

Human 1 disconnects.

Can Cats Understand TV? - Wag!

Jiminy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 2: 125-303

Jiminy: Thank you for that information. Am I chatting with Jonelle Jones?

Human 2: Yes, you are. I want to know why my posting was rejected.

Meet the Cheshire Cat! (my opinions on the Cheshire Cat) | by Mara | Medium

Jiminy: It says that you are looking for a Cheshire cat. We aren’t certain what type of cat that would be and what the job would entail.

Jonelle: You don’t know about Cheshire Cats? They can make themselves invisible and move without anyone seeing them.

Jiminy: I don’t know anything about that type of cat.

Jonelle: You must know about them. They’re in a book.

The Real Cheshire Cat – Anitha Rao-Robinson

Jiminy: Are you referring to Alice in Wonderland?

Jonelle: Yes, that’s it. I need one of those cats to keep my children entertained.

Jiminy: I’m sorry, but that wasn’t a real cat. We can’t create a job request for something that doesn’t exist.

Jonelle: Are you sure?

Jiminy: I’m afraid not. Have a pleasant day.

Why Do Cats Like To Walk & Sit on Keyboards as Much as They Do? - Cats.com

Jonelle: Can you tell me where Wonderland is? Maybe I can find one myself.

Jiminy: I don’t think that exists either.

Jonelle: That’s unfortunate. Good-bye

They disconnect.

Buttercup: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 3: 130-267

Buttercup: You are David S and you are looking for guard cats?

David: Yes, that’s correct.

Buttercup: What do you want the cats to guard?

Neighbors react to tiger in neighborhood

David: My house.

Buttercup: How many cats are you looking to hire?

David: I think two. One for the front door and one for the back door.

Buttercup: Cats generally aren’t used for home protection. Are you sure about this?

David: I want big cats. Maybe tigers. Or panthers.

Black panther spotted prowling on rooftops | Metro News

Buttercup: CatForce works with domesticated cats, not wild animals.

David: Are you sure that you won’t have any big cats?

Buttercup: That is definitely not our target market.

David: I’m very sorry to hear that.

He disconnects.

It’s break time and the cats get together to discuss the strange humans they’ve been chatting with.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

CatForce: A Thomas Tabby Initiative

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You may recall that Thomas Tabby was elected as Liaison to the Humans in 2024 as the Tabocracy candidate. He has been working on a major project with the humans. His spokescat, Sgt Stripes, is ready to make the big announcement. 

Sgt Stripes: Greetings everyone. Thank you for joining us today. We have very exciting news. We are going to roll out the CatForce. It is a joint venture with the humans to help cats find the right job for their skill and personality. There are a lot of mouser and customer service jobs in the human sector that are going unfilled. And we have a lot of cats who are looking for the right position.

Ginger: You’re not talking about those “working cat” positions are you? That system is really degrading. The humans just grab cats off the street and put them in a barn or something. They say that they are helping the “feral cat” population. A lot of those cats end up separated from their families.

She is enjoying being pampered. Throwback to January 2020. How was this 5 years ago? Watch story for more spa day. @the_cat_named_carrot @erin_merryn #swipeleft

Sgt Stripes: Actually, that is an excellent point. Thomas was getting complaints about humans not really taking the cats’ rights into account when they put them to work. Our human contact, JD Katz (gotta love his name), was actually willing to work with us to find a solution that works for everyone.

Suzette: Humans understand that we don’t all want to work, right? Some of us are used to a life of leisure and don’t want to be forced to work in a grain silo.

Stripes: I don’t think there’s any danger of family cats being forced to work.

Shop Cats of New York: Discover the fascinating stories of cats living in NYC shops | Creative Boom

Brutus: What exactly is CatForce?

Sgt Stripes: It’s a new system where cats can look for jobs that the humans want filled.

Brutus: What kind of jobs? Would we have to live in a human neighborhood?

Sgt Stripes: We don’t have many humans here in Cheeseland. I would think that most of these type of jobs would require relocation.

Domestic Shorthair Cat Facts | ASPCA Pet Health Insurance

Sydney: It sounds like most of these jobs would be entry-level, stereotypical cat jobs. Things like rodent control, greeting customers, and inventory control.

Sgt Stripes: There will also be a section for humans who would like a feline companion.

Ginger: Oh. Like a housecat. My grandmother was one of those. She said it was actually a pretty good life. They had a few disagreements about who was in charge, but it was a nice, secure way to live.

Barn Cats! Yea or Nay! – Welcome to The Hearty Hen House

Pickles: Who is running this system?

Sgt Stripes: The humans are putting it together. They will be putting the job descriptions in there. Then we cats can decide what jobs we want to apply for.

Frankie: Will there be any jobs there that don’t involve humans?

Sgt Stripes: No. The focus will be entirely on the cat-human sector of the job market.

How Google and Cats Rekindled Research Into Artificial Intelligence - Business Insider

Frankie: Who’s going to make sure the jobs are legitimate? I don’t want to take a job that ends up with me becoming some small human’s toy.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think that’s really a danger. But I’ll find out exactly how much control the cats have in this agreement.

Wilfred: Do you know how many jobs will be posted?

Sgt Stripes: Thomas is pretty excited about this. He and JD want to start small to get all the problems ironed out. But they are hoping that every cat in Cheeseland who has an interest in this type of job will be able to find a match.

Computer Cats Finally Get Theirs | Tifosi Optics

Wilfred: Does it cost anything?

Sgt Stripes: It is entirely free for the job-seeker.

Brutus: I want to try it out. Where do I sign up>?

Next week: Early impressions of CatForce.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

12

Update from Forest Dreams Hibernation Lodge

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You may recall, that last fall we left Marva and Barney at Forest Dreams, a lodge offering hibernation space. It offered lodging from October through April, promising that the rabbits who run would make sure that no one was disturbed while they were sleeping. Barney wasn’t too sure about staying at a lodge, preferring to just find a nice den to settle into. But Marva’s friend Dolly assured her that Everyone was hibernating indoors now.

British hedgehog guide: where to see and how to help hedgehogs - Countryfile.com

They checked in at the beginning of November. Barney was worried that they would be the only bears going there because most of the animals checking in with them were much smaller animals: marmots, woodchucks, and hedgehogs. However, when they were shown to their den, he realized that most of the bears had arrived earlier and were already settled in.

Dine Like A Black Bear At Nature Center Friday

After spending several days at the all-you-can-eat buffet, Marva and Barney settled in for the winter. He had to admit that the climate-control was nice. No worries of being woken up too early by an unseasonable warm spell. They planned to stay until late March when things should be warming up.

Unfortunately, they were woken up by a commotion in the corridor. Barney was not pleased when he stumbled to the opening in their compartment.

Barney: What is all that noise? Don’t you know we’re trying to sleep in here?

He looked around. The place was full of woodchucks.

Marva: What’s going on?

Barney: The place is full of woodchucks.

Groundhog Control - Varment Guard Wildlife Services

Marva: I know we’re in the bear section. Why are there woodchucks?

Woodchuck: Because it’s Groundhog Day, ma’am. We all get up on February 2 to go outside and decide whether it’s time to get up.

Barney: Why are you here?

Woodchuck: We discovered that we’re going to have an early spring. We thought we should spread the news.

A curious brown bear standing up.

The bear in the new den over came out.

Bear: Young man, that is a terrible idea. I recommend you get out of our section of the lodge before someone decides to eat you. I know there are a few Grizzlies around.

Woodchuck: Okay. Okay. Just trying to keep everyone informed. You don’t have to be beastly about it.

He led the rest of the woodchucks out of the hallway.

Marva and Barney snuggled back up and slept for a few weeks. Then there was a pounding on the wall of their den. They tried to ignore it.

Loud Voice: Pizza! I have your pizza!

Marva decided she should probably go out this time. There was a yak standing in the hall with a pizza box.

Marva: Why are you yelling about pizza? We’re trying to hibernate. Nobody ordered pizza.

The Secret Life of Sleeping Bears - FOUR PAWS in US - Global Animal Protection Organization

Yak: Let me see. One extra-large vegetarian, no sauce. Delivered to Ruda at Forest Dreams. Nobody was at the front desk, so I decided I should try to find her.

Marva: You are in the middle of a bunch of sleeping bears. You do not want to be here.

Yak: She already paid. I gotta find Ruda and give it to her.

Continental Giant Rabbit — Peak Wildlife Park

Barney started to growl from inside the den. The yak looked a little nervous.

Yak: You guys wouldn’t attack a delivery yak, would you? I’m just following orders.

A large rabbit jump around the corner. It was Ruda.

Ruda: You were supposed to leave that at the front desk.

I've fed my bun bun pizza once… – Open Diary

Yak: There wasn’t anyone at the front desk.

Ruda: It’s in the instructions. “Leave at front desk.”

Yak: I’m not allowed to leave without handing the pizza to someone. I can’t just leave it at the desk.

Ruda: Well you can’t be back here annoying the guests. They’re here for the hibernation season.

Adult Female Grizzly Bear And Cub Sleep - Canvas Wall Art | Adam Jones

Yak: I am very sorry to have interrupted your sleep Mr. and Mrs. Bear. Sweet dreams.

Marva returned to bed. Barney was shaking his head.

Barney: I’m not doing this again. Those rabbits are worthless at keeping down the noise. Maybe we should go to whatever section Dolly is in. She’s the one who recommended this place. She must know all the tricks.

Marva: Actually, Dolly’s not here.

Barney: Why not?

Marva: The year she came, they were all woken up by some little human girls trying to sell them cookies. Hungry bears and Girl Scout cookies were not a good combination. The girls were fine, but the cookies were a total loss. She’s not allowed back.

Barney: We should have eaten the pizza.

Buddy's Pizza feeds animal-friendly pizzas to polar bears, wolves at Detroit Zoo | WLNS 6 News

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

22

A Word from Onyx

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It’s Onyx  here. And I am NOT a happy kitty! 

30 Moving Memes That Hit A Little Too Close To Home - SayingImages.com

As many of you know, I moved. It wasn’t my choice; I didn’t even get asked. Blondie just uprooted me with no concern. I’d overheard her talking about moving, but I had assumed the new apartment would come to me. Nope! Here’s how the horrors unfolded: 

That Cat Will Turn This Car Around

I was forced into a cage, shoved in a car, and we drove forever and ever (Blondie says it’s only 15 minutes. She’s wrong). It was bumpy, loud, and very scary. I yowled the whole time, hoping Blondie would let me out, but she didn’t. She said something about how she didn’t want me escaping from the car when the little humans opened the door. I think she planned the whole thing to torture me. 

It Will Be Fun They Said | CatLoversUnite.net

Once we finally arrived, I assumed I’d be let out of the cage. The little humans were trying to let me out. But Blondie insisted I stay in my carrier. Something about the door being open so she could move boxes in, and she didn’t trust me not to dart into the road or take off. So I sat. And sat. And sat some more. It must have been hours.

Lolcats - hungry - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Once I was (finally) released from my carrier, I fully expected a dish full of kibble, some fresh water, and an abundance of treats. Unfortunately, the only thing waiting for me was a litter box. At least it was clean. But I was starving. 

The worst part is, I fully expected to be an only cat. After all, why else would you remove me from my palace? But much to my chagrin, I found out that Thunder had moved back in with us! Thunder not only looks like a littler version of Sgt Stripes, she plays Pounce just like he does! And she doesn’t take a hint! No amount of hissing or growling deters her, and she follows me practically everywhere! I finally found refuge on the counter next to the microwave.

cat fight at food bowl - Cat Tales

But that’s not all. She steals practically all of the kibble and wet food, and keeps trying to break into my dairy treats! Everyone knows those are mine. She also steals attention from MY human, and sleeps on the bed with her! Blondie says there’s plenty of room for both of us, but I don’t do the whole sharing thing. I should just get the bed (seniority alone rules in my favor). 

The new apartment is tiny compared to the house I was in. I had two floors and a basement to explore, and plenty of space to hide from the other cats. This is only one floor, with a tiny bathroom and two bedrooms (as well as the living space and kitchen). The two mini humans claimed one of the rooms, so I tend to avoid it. It’s loud in there. And smelly. Although they have lots of soft blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals to sleep on, so that’s been nice. But the best place to be is the counter. I can survey my domain, hide behind the microwave, and cuddle up by the warm cooking appliances if they’re on. But there’s no cat tree, no cat bed, not even any big toys. It’s just a bunch of little toy mice and jingly balls. 

Another grievance I have is all of the boxes. Everyone knows that the boxes goes to the cat when it’s empty. But no, my human broke all of them down for recycling. She didn’t even leave any empty totes- she took them to the storage closet. What’s the point of packing and unpacking if you don’t get the box at the end?

I wish I could say that there were advantages to moving. But honestly, it just really stinks. The food situation is worse (no never ending kibble, thanks to Thunder), no cool spots to hang out in, nowhere to escape from Pounce, and one less adult human to cuddle on. I haven’t even found a good sun spot to nap in yet. Hopefully things will get better- if not, I’m moving back! 

Memes courtesy of Google Images

24

Bye Bye Blondie

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Snoops here. We had a very interesting day recently. After Mom left and our human brother left for work, it got really noisy. Sgt Stripes, who spends most of his time upstairs, came running down.

Gypsy: What’s up, Stripes?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know. I was sleeping and started hearing all of this banging and people moving around.

Snoops: No one cleared that much noise with me. Mom knows I need to prepare for any disruptions to my nap schedule.

Angel: Mom’s gone. It’s Blondie and some guy. What are they doing?

Sgt Stripes: It sounds like they’re breaking furniture. Whoa! What happened down here?

Gypsy: What are you talking about?

Sgt Stripes: Have you looked in the front room? It looks like Blondie finally cleaned it up.

Angel: Ooh. Yeah. Everything’s in bags and piled up.

Snoops: There is definitely something going on. We need to find Onyx. It’s her human that’s acting so weird.

Gypsy: There she is. Acting like she owns the kitchen again.

Sgt Stripes: What’s going on, Onyx?

Onyx: All I heard was that we are moving out.

Gypsy: Why are we moving out? I love it here.

Angel: I’m not going anywhere. I need to findhea hiding place.

Snoops: Onyx, are you sure everyone’s moving?

Onyx: I heard them say something about needing to get the bed put together so the small humans have someplace to sleep tonight.

Sgt Stripes: That does sound serious.Maybe you can just hide until they’re gone.

Gypsy: That’s a good idea. We can come back out when they leave.

The cats each find somewhere to get away from the noise and confusion. Eventually, they hear their human brother moving around, and everyone comes out of hiding.

Sgt Stripes: I think it’s safe. Blondie and the strange man are gone. And so is a lot of stuff. C’mon out everyone.

Gypsy: Good. They left without us.

Snoops: That’s okay with me. We’ve gotten used to you. Angel, are you around?

Angel: I am. But I have really bad news.

Gypsy: What’s wrong?

Angel: I saw Blondie put Onyx in a carrier. She’s gone. They’ve split up the Belleville Three.

Sgt Stripes: Well, rats. We were just getting into a good “pounce” rhythm.

Snoops: And she was finally getting socialized to being in a multi-cat household. She was even beginning to join us for breakfast.

Angel: It’s going to be weird without her.

Gypsy: Yeah. Since she started coming to breakfast, Mom has been opening three cans of food in the morning. We’re going to be back to two cans split between us.

Angel: That is bad news.

Sgt Stripes: But more treats to go around.

Snoops: Excellent point. And she really didn’t mingle with any of us.

Sgt Stripes: I think she was getting there. Is she going to be an only cat now?

Angel: I think Blondie said she was going to be reunited with Thunder Cat.

Gypsy: I hope they get along better than they did in our old house.

Sgt Stripes: Thunder Cat is a grey tabby, right?

Gypsy: Yes, she is.

Sgt Stripes: Oh, that’s right. Thunder is a girl, not a handsome mancat like me.

Snoops: She came to visit before you arrived, Sarge. She spent all of her time hiding under the cedar chest.

Gypsy: I forgot about that. Guess I’ll miss Blondie and the boys. But the boys were so loud they really scared me sometimes.

Sgt Stripes: They were excellent at handing out treats. Especially to me when I was upstairs.

The other cats agreed that it was going to be a big change then each went in search of some place to relax and wait for Mom.

 

20

A Gator Family Housewarming

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A New York man's pet alligator was seized after 30 years. Now, he wants Albert back | WUSF

Uncle Stu and Amanda had been married almost a year when they decided to have a party. It was part anniversary party, part housewarming. They were going to live in Amanda’s house in South Carolina so she could be near her grand-gators. Vinny, Stu’s only son, was still single. However, when Vinny and Stu moved all of his things up there was no way it was all going to fit comfortably. So he put it in storage, and they went house-hunting. Now they were having family and friends over to celebrate.

Alligator comes knocking at Florida home

Vinny: I have to admit, you found a good place, Dad. How did you end up here?

Stu: We had to be careful where we bought. There are a lot of nice neighborhoods that are full of humans. Humans are not all nice.

Amanda: You know Stu. He thinks the best of everyone.

Stu: A man asks me if I wanted lunch. Of course, I did. Who doesn’t want lunch? He and his buddy were talking about what a nice shade of green I am.

Justine: That’s weird. Why would they say that? You’re basic alligator green.

Stu: The waiter took me aside and said I needed to leave.

Alligator seen outside Port St. Lucie home causes stir

Justine: What a weird place.

Stu: They were going to make shoes out of me. Remember to always be nice to waiters and other workers. Amanda came and picked me up.

Adele: You have the most interesting adventures, Uncle Stu.

Amanda: Needless to say, we did not end up in that neighborhood.

Close-up of an american alligator hiding in grass and sunning with eyes open, florida, united states | Premium Photo

Stu: It was a lot harder to find a place than I thought it would be. I thought that a place with a nice yard for sunning would be easy to find. But it gets cold up here. Miami is warm all the time. Charleston, not so much.

Amanda: A friend told me about this place.

Adele: it is beautiful.

Amanda: And look at the sun porch. Plenty of room for a whole congregation of us to relax. (Ed. Note: Yes, that’s what a group of alligators is called.)

Granny: Stu, sometimes I worry about you being so far from home. Vinny won’t be around to get you out of scrapes.

Amanda: Stan and Adele are only a few blocks away. We’re hoping that we can keep him from getting into too many scrapes.

Stu: You all talk like I’m incapable of taking care of myself.

Amanda: You’re way too trusting, Stu. Remember how you almost bought a lifetime supply of olive oil because that sales clerk said it would make your skin soft?

Justine: Was that another try at making him into a snack?

Amanda: Thankfully, no. But alligators don’t need soft skin.

Stu: Sometimes it works out. I got a great deal on a hot tub. And what alligator doesn’t love a warm bath.

Amanda: That is true. Especially in the cooler weather.

Vinny: I saw where you guys got snow a while back.

Stu: It wasn’t a problem. It came and went.

Have you ever seen an alligator in the snow? 🐊 📷: Hend Noman

Amanda: He wanted to make a snow gator, but it didn’t last.

Stan: Didn’t learn anything from the frostbite on your trip to Canada?

Stu: Truthfully, I had forgotten about that. Almost lost my tail.

Toucan Fact Sheet | Blog | Nature | PBS

There’s a knock at the door. Amanda leaves to answer it.

Stu: I hope that’s the toucans that I invited.

Vinny: Where did you meet toucans, Dad?

Stu: I was talking to someone at the bus stop and mentioned that we were having a housewarming. She seemed very nice. Big flamingo. I told her to stop by if she’d like.She asked if she could bring a few friends. Some exotic friends. I figured if they were more exotic than a flamingo, they must be toucans.

Alligator appears on doorstep of Florida woman, who then takes photos

Amanda: Stu, why are there half-naked human women at our door?

Stu: I have no idea.

Amanda: You need to handle this.

Vinny: I work at a club in Miami. Let me handle it.

Amanda: Thank you.

Vinny goes out to talk to the humans. He returns a few minutes later, laughing.

Flamingo Fact Sheet | Blog | Nature | PBS

Vinny: Dad, that “flamingo” was a lady dressed up like a bird. She asked you if you wanted exotic dancers at your party.

Suzy: What’s an exotic dancer?

Vinny: They are human dancers who work wearing very little clothing.

Suzy: Why would they think an alligator would want to see almost naked humans?

Justine: Eww.

First an alligator came crashing through her window. Now what?

Stu: She seemed like such a nice flamingo. I thought her friends would be nice too. Were they angry when you told them there had been a misunderstanding?

Vinny: Not at all. They thought there might have been a mistake when an alligator opened the door.

Granny: It looks like you haven’t solved the issues of keeping Stu out of trouble yet.

Floridians Can Party With Alligators Now | TIME.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

18

Emma Rabbit’s Job Hunt – Part 2

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I want to get 2 more rabbits for my 2 girls, any advice for bonding a pair with a pair : r/Rabbits

Where we are: Emma Rabbit is trying to re-enter the workforce after taking time off to have children.She has been using the Animal Hunter website to find an opening, but the postings she’s been receiving are not rabbit friendly. You can see Part 1 here. he was at lunch with her best friend, Musette, when the topic came up.

Funny rabbit with computer pet on laptop | Premium Photo

Musette: How’s the job hunt going Emma? Are you having any luck finding a new career?

Emma: I’m pretty disappointed. All they send me are carnivore jobs.

Musette: That’s strange. You’re using AnimalHunter, right?

Emma: It’s really the only thing out there that doesn’t charge a fee.

Bunny Yoga: Exercise classes with rabbits raise awareness of abandoned animals | The Independent | The Independent

Musette: I’ve heard really good things about it. What did you put for your job interests and requirements?

Emma: What do you mean by requirements? I put in my personal information and told them that I used to teach aerobics. Isn’t that all you need?

Musette: What did you put in the section about preferred working conditions.

Emma: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

7 Things I Learned About Workplace Culture From Watching Rabbit Videos

Musette: Why don’t you show me what you put in your profile. Maybe I can help you figure out what’s wrong.

Emma pulled up her profile. Musette looked over what was there.

Musette: Why don’t you have anything for your preferred work environment?

Emma: I don’t really care where I work.

Can pet rabbits live outside? – how to keep your bunny safe outside in summer and winter - ExoticDirect

Musette: But, look. You can choose whether you’re inside or outside and whether you want to work with humans.

Emma: I guess I should have at least clicked on it. I want to be outside with no humans.

Musette: Got it. What about the animals classification section?

Emma: I don’t remember seeing that. Is that one of those sections that aren’t required?

Musette: It’s not required, but it helps them find the right type of job for you. They want to know if you’re carnivore or herbivore. Once you put in herbivore, it’s asks you if you would be comfortable working with carnivores or omnivores.

Emma: I think I’d like to work with other herbivores. The smell of meat makes me sick, so I don’t want to work with that either.Kawaii Bunny Cutie Rabbit Cute Bunny

Musette: Okay. The last question is about what species you are. You don’t have to answer it, but it does narrow down the jobs it will send you.

Emma: Okay. You can put down rabbit. I don’t want any more cat jobs.

Musette: Here we go. Let’s see what you get back now.

AnimalHunter has a match for you. Duke and Edna’s Farmers Market is looking for an energetic animal to manage the stalls Friday-Sunday. Must have excellent communication skills and experience with scheduling vendors. Very fast-paced.

Emma: The farmer’s market sounds great, but I don’t think I’m cut out to work with assertive animals.

Wild Rabbit Rabbit Not Feeding Babies Eastern Cottontail Rescuing Baby Bunnies Mother Rabbit Cottontail

AnimalHunter has a match  for you. Mama rabbits, are your kits grown? Miss having little ones around? You can be a live-in nanny. Teach our little ones, feed them, and take them to the park. Room and board with a small living allowance. References will be checked. No friends over while you’re working. Sundays off.

Emma: Nope. If I want more kits, I will have my own.

Puffs the cute bunny goes shopping!

AnimalHunter has a match for you. We’re expanding and have openings for cashiers, stockers, maintenance, and more. Competitive wages and employee discounts.

Emma: Ooh. This might work. It’s not outside, but it’s all herbivores. Let me click “Apply”.

Emma got an interview at Allyson’s. They were so impressed with the way she presented herself that she was hired as the assistant produce inspector. She spends her time deciding whether the vegetables are too wilted to be sold.

Guide to Making Your Rabbit Happy: Tips & Techniques - Planet Pet

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.