Sgt Stripes’ First Christmas

December 24, 2022 | cat9984

Hello everyone! Sgt Stripes here. I’m still living upstairs, but it’s come to my attention that something major is going on. They brought up a little green tree and put it on my dresser. It doesn’t taste very good. Mom says it’s my Christmas tree.

I asked Mr. Google about Christmas trees. He says humans decorate them for the holiday. Mom didn’t decorate mine. She said she was afraid I was going to try to eat the decorations. I wouldn’t have eaten them unless they tasted better than the tree.

This is my first year inside. I don’t really know what Christmas is all about. There’s a much bigger tree downstairs but I can’t go down there. The lady cats are still kind of afraid of me. Mom and my human brother are trying to work that out. I’m sorry I’m going to miss the big tree. It would probably be fun to climb. And all kinds of sparkly things to play with. It’s wasted on the other cats.

I have a stocking. It’s kind of weird. It’s way too big for my paws. There’s nothing in it. Mom says that Santa Paws is going to put presents in it. I’m pretty excited. I’ve never had presents before. Mom helped me pick out presents for my new human brother and sister. This is going to be so much fun!

There’s a lot of wrapping paper and ribbons and bags and stuff laying around too. So much stuff to play with! Holidays are the best!

Mom says the little humans are going to be spending the night on Christmas Eve. Their parents are going to be sharing my room. I’m not really sure I like that. The little ones scared me the last time they were here. I think I might hide out in Mom’s room until they go.

We’re supposed to be getting special food. Yummy! The humans are having a goose. I hope I get some of that. Apparently, they aren’t serving any of my favorites from outside. But their stuff should be good too.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas. (Or at least a very nice weekend if you don’t celebrate Christmas.)

Chloe Cat’s Christmas Guest – Part 2

December 17, 2022 | cat9984

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Where we are: Chloe is home from college on Christmas break. She has brought her friend Sasha with her. Her family knew Sasha was coming, but Chloe had neglected to tell them that he was a large dog. Christmas Eve dinner has become rather tense. You can read Part 1 here.

Mama Cat has brought Grandma some cream to help her get over her fainting spell. Grandma seems rather confused.

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Grandma: I must be going crazy. I thought I saw a huge dog in your living room.

Mama: No, you’re not crazy. Chloe brought home a dog.

Grandma: Why would she do that? We’re cats. Some of us are afraid of dogs.

Gretchen: Especially some of us smaller kitties. He might eat us.

Mama: I’m sure Chloe’s friend won’t eat us. Although I really wish she had mentioned it before he showed up at the door.

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They heard a loud voice in the front room.

Uncle Charley: See here, dog. You can’t come in here and scare the living daylights out of decent cats.

Raphael: Don’t get too excited Uncle Charley, you don’t want to have a heart attack or something.

Uncle Charley: I’m not going to have a heart attack. I just want this dog to know that I’ve been around, and I can take care of myself. He needs to behave himself.

Sasha: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare anyone.

Chloe: Why is everyone so excited? Sasha’s a dog. So what? We’re all civilized cats.

Regina: Maybe it’s because you said you were bringing home a boy. We all expected a handsome mancat. Instead you bring home a huge doggo. Extremely disappointing.

Sophie: We thought you finally had a social life.

Chloe: I do have a social life. Sasha is my friend. I asked if I could bring home a friend for Christmas.

Gretchen: You’re not actually dating a dog are you?

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Chloe: What if I am?

Aunt Mildred: Dear, I know you’re not the most attractive kitty in the bunch, but even so…

Mama: Mildred! Sasha is our guest. And who Chloe dates really isn’t any of your business.

Papa Cat’s nose had been twitching.

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Papa: Sasha! I couldn’t help noticing. Did you bring something to add to the Christmas feast?

Sasha: Indeed I did. I asked Chloe what cats ate for Christmas. She said that you were having chicken, but that fish is always welcome. So I went to the market and got a bunch of smoked mackerel. I hope you will accept it with my appreciation for being welcomed.

Papa: Well, I’m not sure that you’re feeling very welcome, but your fish smells delicious.

Sasha: I didn’t realize I would be so much larger than everyone else. It never crossed my mind that I could be scary. I’m just a big goofball in my own family.

Papa: A lot of these cats have never met a dog up close before. I think they were mainly surprised.

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Sasha looked around and saw that the cats were watching him. They weren’t looking as startled as they had been which he took as a good sign. Grandma and Uncle Charley were talking in the corner. Finally, Grandma came over.

Grandma: Hello, Sasha.

Sasha: Hello, ma’am. I’m very sorry I frightened you. I hope you are feeling better.

Grandma: I am, thank you. So you’re a friend of Chloe’s?

Sasha: Yes, I am. She’s a very sweet girl.

Grandma: You’re right. Are you her boyfriend?

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Sasha (embarrassed): No, ma’am, we’re regular friends.

Grandma: Do you want to be her boyfriend?

Chloe: Grandma! You’re embarrassing me! Sasha is a friend from school.

Grandma: I just want to make sure he’s not going to break your heart. You really can’t trust anyone who’s not a cat. And you can’t trust all cats.

Sasha: Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt Chloe. I like her too much for that.

Chloe rubbed up against him and purred.

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Grandma: I don’t know. That looks like more than friends.

Chloe: Don’t worry, Grandma. I’ll be fine.

Mama Cat had been putting the finishing touches on dinner. She added Sasha’s fish to her own food. It all smelled delicious.

Mama: Everyone, it’s time to eat.

They sat down and began to eat. Uncle Charley kept drinking the catnip punch, and became more and more vocal. He was looking directly at Sasha while he was telling a story about fighting another cat for one of the many loves of his life.

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Uncle Charley: Sasha, have you ever fought for love?

Sasha: Can’t say that I have.

Uncle Charley: Would you be willing to fight for Chloe?

Sasha: I think that Chloe can defend herself. Cats are excellent fighters.

Uncle Charley: I meant fight for her love.

Chloe: Uncle Charley, we’re not in love.

Uncle Charley: Then why is he here?

Chloe and Sasha looked at each other. Finally, he nodded.

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Chloe: Sasha is a friend of mine from Chemistry. He told me about a class he’s taking in Cat Psychology. He said that he was having trouble understanding how cats think. I asked him if he wanted to spend some time with my family and see how we get along.

Sasha: I thought it was a great idea, but that it would only work if you didn’t know I was doing research. That way you would all behave normally. So we decided that I would just come as her friend.

Chloe: I didn’t realize that everyone would think I was bringing home a boyfriend.

Sasha: I’m sorry I upset everyone. I’ll leave after dinner.

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The cats looked at each other. There were a few minutes of silence.

Mama: That makes a lot more sense than any other explanation. I don’t know if you will get the information you need, but you are welcome to stay.

Papa: Absolutely! I can teach you how cats hunt.

Uncle Charley: And I’ll teach you how we fight.

And that is how a very large dog got the best grade in his Cat Psychology class.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Chloe Cat’s Christmas Guest

December 10, 2022 | cat9984

300+ Free Christmas Cat & Christmas Images - Pixabay

Mama Cat had been working hard for days getting everything ready for Christmas. She was having a big family dinner on Christmas Eve. It was the first time the whole family had been together in several years. The best part was that her daughter Chloe was coming home from college for the first time since the beginning of the school year. And she was bringing a friend. A male friend!

Mama Cat: I’m so excited to see Chloe! It’s been months since she’s been home.

Papa Cat: I’ve really missed her. She’s my little buddy. I hope we get a chance to go hunting while she’s home.

Mama Cat: I wouldn’t count on it. She’s bringing a boy home. She’ll probably want to spend all her time with him.

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Regina: Don’t you think it’s a little weird that she never talks about him? We don’t really know anything except that she met him in her Chemistry class.

Sophie: Yeah. So we know that he’s probably a nerd like she is.

Mama Cat: Be nice, girls. She’s never brought anyone home before. It must be serious.

Papa Cat: How serious can it be? She’s only been gone four months.

Mama: We need to be nice to him. He’s going to be staying here for a few days.

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Meanwhile, Chloe was preparing to go home.

Chloe: Sasha, are you ready to leave yet?

Sasha: Not quite finished packing. Are you sure I’ll be welcome?

Chloe: Absolutely. My family is great! Mama says they’re really excited about meeting you.

Sasha: What have you told them?

Chloe: Just that I met you in Chemistry, and that we’ve become good friends. And that I wanted to bring you home for the holidays so you wouldn’t be alone.

Sasha: Do they think I’m your boyfriend?

Chloe: It never really came up.

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Sasha rubbed his head against Chloe and she purred.

Chloe: Okay. We’ll leave mid-morning. Remember, we have to be there by 2 pm. Mama doesn’t want anyone to be late for dinner. And I haven’t seen them in months so I don’t want to miss anything.

Sasha: Don’t worry. I’ll be ready bright and early.

Christmas Eve was a beautiful day. Sunny and cold. The family started gathering around noon. Grandma and Grandpa were the first to arrive. As usual, Grandma had brought her favorite catnip cookies.

Sophie: Yummy! One of the best parts of Christmas.

Grandma: Is Chloe here? I can’t wait to see her. I hear she finally has a beau.

Mama: Mother! Don’t embarrass her. She’s calling him a friend. We have to be nice.

Grandma: I’m going to be nice. It’s just good to see she finally has a social life.

Mama: Mother —

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Uncle Charley was next. He was a little eccentric. Rather conservative and prone to speaking his mind.

Papa: Charley! Good to see you. How are things?

Uncle Charley: Not bad. Glad to see the elections are finally over. Didn’t see too many dogs or other lowlifes voted into office this time. Maybe we’re finally back on track to getting things back under control.

Regina: Uncle Charley, would you like some milk or some water?

Uncle Charley: Do you have anything stronger?

Mama: I was going to make some punch if anyone wanted it.

Uncle Charley: The good stuff with catnip AND silver vine?

Mama: That’s the one. I’ll go get started.

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While Mama was in the kitchen, most of the rest of the family arrived. There were about 20 cats in the extended family, and everyone had come. Except Chloe.

Mama: I wonder where Chloe is. I told her not to be late.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

Mama: How odd. Who would that be?

Sophie: I see Chloe’s suitcase out front. Maybe she has a surprise.

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Mama opened the door and saw Chloe’s surprise guest. She could barely speak.

Mama: Welcome to our home; you must be Sasha.

Sasha: Indeed, I am. Thank you for having me.

The others heard voices but couldn’t recognize the accented words. Sophie ran up.

Sophie: Oh my cats! You’re a dog!!

Sasha: Why, yes I am.

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Sasha was the largest dog she had ever seen. And he was standing in the doorway to her house. Her father stepped up.

Papa: Sasha, please come in.

Sasha stepped into the room and looked around the room full of cats. He wasn’t sure whether to be amused or frightened. Chloe was still paying the driver and getting their things organized. Finally she came up.

Chloe: Hello everyone. I see you’ve met Sasha.

Her grandmother had been in another room. She came out when she heard Chloe’s voice, took one look at Sasha and fainted. Uncle Charley arched his back and began to hiss. Sasha looked like he wanted to head for the door. He wasn’t sure what to do with the box of smoked fish he was holding.

Next week: Will the family have a Merry Christmas? You can read the conclusion here.

Christmas Cat Pictures | Download Free Images on Unsplash

More Christmas Carols for Cats

December 3, 2022 | cat9984

Hello! It’s Thunder, back in action! Last year, I wrote a list of well-known Christmas songs to make them more cat friendly. Sadly, as I listen to more Christmas music this year, I realized that people have not taken the hint, and continue to write songs as if only people are listening to them. Harrumph! So, I decided to edit eleven more songs, and a very special bonus from Kommando Kitty(!) to reflect the feelings of a cat! Please enjoy the updated versions to some of our favorite Christmas carols.

Angels We Have Heard on High

This song was done in honor of my sister, Angel! I’m not totally sure why songwriters would choose to feature the slightly less beautiful, less charismatic sister (no offense, Angel!), but oh well! Her name is probably easier to work with in the Christmas season.

“Angels who meow at me,

purring, sitting prettily.

Staring at the food she sees,

waiting for the human to come and feed.

Meow-oooooow-oooooow-ooooow-ia!

It is finally dinner time!

Meow-oooooow-oooooow-ooooow-ia! Now we will finally get to eat!”

Grownup Christmas List

Grownups have too much stuff (not as much as human kittens, though. They have even more stuff, and most of it is useless!) So why do they need a Christmas list to request more dust gathering junk? Cats, on the other hand, never have enough things. Our boxes get crushed, our beds deflate, our toys hide under couches, and our food disappears! It’s plain awful! Clearly, cats need a Christmas list much more than grownups. I’m thinking our list would like a bit like this:

“Do you remember me?

I have lots of needs.

A mousie and a box in which to play

I also need a bowl, and please fill it up full.

I’m also thirsty, so some water please!

I do need a mat, soft, and furry, and flat.

On this surface I plan to nap!

No more loud noises outside, and no more rain I need to hide, and no more vacuums by my side!

Every cat would have a friend, and naps would never end, and scurchies on the tail bend!

This is my kitty Christmas list.”

Away in a Manger

I asked my human what a manger was, since it sounds suspiciously close to mange, a life-threatening condition that only your vet should treat. She showed me a picture of some trough thing that looked super uncomfortable. But in the song, Jesus had to sleep in one of these “mangers”. A bed sounds much better! And I’m pawsitive Jesus wouldn’t have minded sharing the space!

“Away in a manger,

there lays a tired cat.

She is trying to sleep but keeps getting pats on the back.

She blinks and her eyes close

and on to her back she rolls.

And she hopes that morning will come but very, very slow”.

Let It Snow

I hate snow. It is cold, it is water, and it has no place anywhere near me. Why anyone would advocate for it snowing is beyond me. The only good thing is sometimes we get so much snow that my humans stay home and cuddle with me all day. So, I suppose snow does have some sort of use. Such as:

“Oh, the weather outside is frightful!

But the cat is so delightful!

And since our car won’t go,

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping, so I can be on the couch napping.

Turn the lights off now!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!”

O Come, All Ye Faithful

Large gatherings of people are annoying. They’re loud, and there’s a huge risk of someone stepping on your tail (especially if it’s as long as mine)! The only reason I could see people gathering is to feed and pamper a gaggle of cats. Also, I’ve suspiciously noticed that even people who claim to be cat lovers leave us for hours on end to go to “work” or to “shop and socialize”. This seems a bit odd to me, so I’ve changed “faithful” to “people”.

“Oh come, all you people!

Come and adore me!

I am beautiful

and you are lucky to be by me!

I am a kitty!

Very furry and pretty.

Oh, come and pet me!

Oh, come and feed me!

Oh, come and play and nap with me, right now, human!”

Deck the Halls

I love it when my humans decorate! It gives me an opportunity to find new toys and to give my own touch to the holidays! There are shiny things, and balls, and twinkling lights- it’s like paradise! As such, I wrote a joyful reflection to this:

“Deck the halls and please the kitties!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Hang the balls, get in a tizzy!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

Chase the sparkling lights around us!

Fa-la-la-la-la la la-la-la-la!

Feast on gourmet Christmas food now!

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!”

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

This song is not solely dedicated to Angel, although once again, it shares her name (she seriously has the easiest name to sing about)! Although, to be fair, all cats sing lovely songs, at all times of the day! Clearly the song should be more like:

“Hark! The herald kitties meow!

At the top of their lungs, they’re super loud!

Peace in the house will be found with food;

this responsibility lies on you.

Joyful when the can arrives!

Pour it out from way up high!

Peace is finally in this house!

Now I shall go and hunt a mouse!

Hark! The herald kitties meow!

Peace in the house is finally found!”

Last Christmas

Cats are great at remembering the past (especially when you forget to feed us). So I thought it was fitting that there was a song that reminded you how generous we were in the past year.

“Last Christmas, I gave you a mouse.

But you screamed really loud, and ran out of the house.

This year, to save you from fear, I’ll bring you a bird instead.”

Mary Did You Know

I’m not really sure who Mary was. And I’m not really sure what she was supposed to know. But after hearing the apparent grief she went through prior to people realizing Jesus was a really good guy to have on your side, I’m betting she wished she had a cat. If Jesus had been a cat, we could have sang:

“Mary did you know,

that a lonely cat would fall asleep in your lap?

Mary did you know,

that a kitty cat would ride along in your sack?

Did you know that you’d have to feed a gorgeous, starving feline?

When you get your milk in the morning, get me a bowl to drink!

Mary did you know…”

Need a Little Christmas

Cats deserve the world. We need everything, and should have everything. And Christmas just isn’t centered around cats enough. So, I fixed it!

“Haul out the boxes!

Put up a string of lights for the world to see!

Fill up the glasses.

Make sure they’re full of something I find yummy, please!

For we need a little Christmas! Right this very minute!

Shiny balls hanging! Tearing at the presents,

yes, we need a little Christmas! Right this very minute.

There hasn’t been a single flurry, but I don’t care because I’m furry!”

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

This one seems pretty easy to turn cat friendly: we wish you a meowy catmas! But, of course, humans are too self centered to think about us poor, neglected felines. So, I took it upon myself to write:

“We wish you a meowy Catmas!

We wish you a meowy Catmas!

And a sleepy new year!

Good boxes we bring, to you and your friends.

Good munchies on Catmas, and a happy new year!

We wish you a meowy Catmas! We wish you a meowy Catmas!

We wish you a meowy Catmas!

And a sleepy new year!”

And now, what we’ve all been waiting for… The Kommando Kitty bonus! Kommando texted me with this idea, and I fell in love! It is so much better than my version of “Deck the Halls “. I am pleased to introduce to you “Wreck the Halls “, by Kommando Kitty!

Wreck the Halls

“Wreck the halls while chasing mousies! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Break the bulbs and pounce on Frosty! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Dangle from the pretty wreath now! Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.

Shred the presents and eat the bows! Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!”

I hope you enjoyed these updated and improved carols. Have a safe and happy Catmas, and may it be full of boxes, shiny ribbons, and naps!

Furs and purrs,

Thunder K. Katt

Merry Christmas!!

December 25, 2021 | cat9984

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Wherever you are, we hope you are having a wonderful day!

Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except us)

Christmas Carols for Cats by Thunder

December 18, 2021 | cat9984

I Can Has Cheezburger?

Hello! It’s Thunder, and I am so glad to be back! Christmas is one of my favorite holidays (after all, I get lots of yummy food and cool gifts), but I noticed a disturbing trend: the Christmas music humans listen to is just not cat friendly! (I would know- Mom insists on listening to it from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas is over.) So, I went through and rewrote the lyrics to some well known songs to make them better (I did 12 songs to represent the 12 days of Christmas. I better get gifts all 12 of those days). Enjoy!

“The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t be Late)”

I was really excited when I saw the title of this song. I thought for sure it would be about the chipmunks we see on cat TV! But it doesn’t even mention chipmunks- how disappointing! So, I’ve updated it to

Christmas, Christmas time is here.

Time to chase the chipmunks and deer.

They seem fun but they won’t play.

All they do is stay outside all day.

Want a friend to chase the dot- and a chipmunk with lots of nuts!

We can hardly stand the wait, so Christmas don’t be late.

All I Want for Christmas is You

I was a little disturbed when I realized that the singer wanted a human for Christmas. But then I realized many shelter cats would love a human! Obviously, this song was written for all displaced and homeless pets. The correct lyrics would go

I don’t want a lot for Christmas,

There are just a few things I need.

A warm lap to cuddle up on, and some food that I can eat.

I just need a light to chase, and a litter box in a clean place.

Make my wish come true,

Because just for Christmas, I choose you!

Jingle Bell Rock

The author of this song got one thing right- bells do rock! Some of my favorite toys have bells in them. But bells have nothing to do with sleighs or horses. What they could have composed would be more along the lines of

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

Jingle bells play and jingle bells stay – in the way of Mom and Dad- when they trip they get really mad.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

Jingle bells are fun when you place them in socks.

Bat them, and swat them, and hunt them down- and listen to the bell sound!

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree

This song is proof that trees are meant to be played with- a fact that we cats already knew (after all, why else would you put shiny, dangly balls all over them?) But humans must play in a boring way. The cat-tastic lyrics would read

Rocking around the Christmas tree,

Chase the ribbons on the box.

Ornaments hung where you can see,

Every kitty starts to swat.

Rocking around the Christmas tree, every kitty stops in shock.

Shinies and danglies all around, let us knock them to the ground.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I’m not really sure what a Christmas is supposed to look like, but if the month of December is any indication, it involves a lot of boxes, wrapping paper, and bows. Sounds more like Cat-mas! After all, I’ve never seen my big humans entertained by a box (the human kittens are another story). Thus, more appropriate lyrics would read

It’s beginning to look a lot like Cat-mas!

Toys all over the floor.

Look at the giant box, and the tins of lox,

With shiny ribbons and wrapping papers and bows!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Cat-mas. Lights in every door.

But the prettiest sight to see will be the presents that will be for all cats to adore!

Silent Night

Clearly this person lived alone under a rock. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a silent night (although to be fair, Angel likes to practice her singing around 2am every night). However, if this make believe scenario were to happen, some more appropriate lyrics might read

Silent night! Kitties don’t fight!

All the mice are quiet and nice.

Tinsel hangs on the big Christmas tree.

Kitties pounce on the decor with glee.

Now let my humans awake!

So they can feed me at day break.

Holly Jolly Christmas

There isn’t really anything wrong with this song, except it is so heavily biased towards humans enjoying the holiday, and not cats. A more cat friendly song would read

Have a holly jolly Christmas!

It’s the best time of the year.

Lots of food, a festive mood, and pets go all around.

Have a holly jolly Christmas!

And when you walk down the street,

Stop in the store, go and explore, and buy me a tasty treat!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I couldn’t decide if she was hunting small prey, or if she was psychotic. For the sake of writing, I’ll go with the former assumption. Because cats have better (and slightly more selective) hearing, my version would read

Said the kitty cat to her feline friend-

Do you hear what I hear?

It sounds like the opening of a can!

Do you hear what I hear?

A can, a can, opens in the night,

It will fill our tummies with delight! It will fill our tummies with delight!

Up on the Housetop

We get a stray cat and squirrels on our roof. We have a metal roof, so they’re really noisy- it’s quite annoying. Several naps have been interrupted because of this. Whoever wrote this seems to think it’s a good thing when someone is on your roof, so maybe it’s better at Christmas time. I will find out. In the hopes that this is true, I wrote these words to replace the traditional song:

Up on the housetop kitties jump.

They sit and lay and lounge in the sun.

Then comes dinner time and they go inside.

And stay all night to nap and hide.

Oh, oh, oh, where did kitty go?

Oh, oh, oh, nobody knows.

There she is, in the window she sits!

Watching Santa Paws and a guy named Nick.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Apparently some big dude is supposed to break into our house and give the human kittens presents. I have yet to decide if this is cool or creepy. I guess as long as he brings food and big boxes, he can’t be too bad. But his song should go more like this:

You better watch out, you better not cry.

There’s a big man bringing meats and mice and pies.

Santa Paws is coming to town,

Santa Paws is jumping down, Santa Paws is coming around!

He’s making dinner lists, chicken and rice. Sausage and gravy and beef and mice.

Santa Paws is coming to town,

Santa Paws is jumping down, Santa Paws is coming around!

We Three Kings

This song is pretty cat-oriented to begin with- lots of people travel to spoil the baby with cool gifts. Sounds like paradise to me. But the gifts sound disgusting- my humans said they were spices and metal. I’ve adapted a better version:

We three cats of Orient are

Very hungry after traveling far.

Tummies growling, low meowing, as we stare at a food jar.

Oh-oh, can of wonder, can of delight!

Can with dinner meant for tonight!

Smells like chicken, chops a licking,

Fills my tummy up for the night.

Joy to the World

There is nothing more joyful than a cat! I realize the song is referring to Jesus, who, don’t get me wrong, seems like a really cool guy. I bet he had a cat. But if we’re talking about bringing joy to the world, the lyrics should definitely be more like:

Joy to the world!

The cat has come!

She brings a mousie gift!

Let every cat receive a nap,

And treats and pets galore! And treats and pets galore!

And treats, and pets and snuggles for her!

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the updated Cat-mas music! If you like any of the classics (Mom does), I apologize that you’ve been listening to the wrong lyrics your whole life. Have a merry and safe Christmas, and may you recieve lots of boxes and shiny ribbons!

Author’s note- this blog was written in memory of my human dad’s father, Morten Weisfeld (July 15th, 1951-December 1st, 2021). Even though you were a dog owner, may you have eternal sun spots and plenty of naps. We will miss you, and will always love you.

Purrs and furs,

Thunder K. Katt

Gator Family Christmas – Part 2

December 11, 2021 | cat9984

This is the Santa Alligator, he brings presents to every Alligator who serves in the Alligator Army, you all have been added to his nice list :) : r/Alligator_Army

Where we are – Stan and Adele have invited the family to South Carolina to celebrate Christmas. On his way to pick up his son Vinny, Uncle Stu met a woman and thinks he’s in love. You can read Part 1 here.

It was two days before Christmas. Vinny pulled into the driveway and everyone went out to meet him.

Stan: Welcome! Glad you made it.

Stan looks in the car.

Stan: Where’s Uncle Stu?

800-pound gator caught on camera - CNN Video

Vinny: The last time I saw him, he was baking Christmas cookies.

Granny started laughing.

Granny: Stu’s never baked anything in his life. Your mother was afraid to let him in the kitchen.

John: Remember when he tried to grill that turkey? He didn’t realize you had to light the fire ahead of time. He ended up setting the turkey on fire.

Vinny (laughing): Yeah. We had to go buy clam chowder for everyone to eat. Maybe I shouldn’t have said he was baking. He was sitting in the kitchen while Katya was doing all the work.

Granny: That sounds more like Stu.

Cuddling yacares | Pantanal, Cuddling, Animals

Adele: Is Katya his new soul mate?

Vinny: I guess. She seems nice enough.

Adele: How did he meet her?

Vinny: He went up to her house to ask for directions. He couldn’t figure out how to get to my house. She asked him to come in, and he’s still there.

Granny: We should have guessed. So he wants to stay with her rather than us for Christmas?

Vinny: You know Dad. She was nice to him, so he thinks he’s in love.

Gator Country - Gators need cuddles, too!! | Facebook

Stan: In fairness, he does irritate a lot of people. It was probably nice to find someone agreeable.

Vinny: He’s safer with her than some of the other characters he runs across.

Justine: Reading his stories on GatorGab is amazing, Uncle Stu leads a very interesting life for a retired gator.

Adele: He does have some interesting adventures.

Granny: He’s too trusting. He lets other people talk him into doing stupid things. So he’s not coming for Christmas.

Vinny: Katya told him he was welcome to spend the holidays with her if he would like. He thinks it would be a nice change.

Granny: Change from what? He’s never been to Stan and Adele’s. It’s our first Christmas here.

Vinny shrugged. He was disappointed his father hadn’t come with him, but knew that there was no point in arguing with him. His father was as stubborn an alligator as he’d ever met.

Suzy: Well, that’s disappointing. He’s funny and he tells great stories.

Adele: I agree, honey. Maybe we can invite him again next year.

The rest of the gators spent the evening catching up with Vinny. On Christmas Eve, everyone put their presents under the tree. They drank eggnog and at cookies while Granny told stories about Stan and his brothers when they were young alligators.

Justine, Suzy, and Danny listened intently. They loved hearing about Christmas at the swamp. Before long, it was bedtime.

Granny: You kids better get to bed. It’s time for Santa Claws to come.

Suzy: Oh, Granny! You know we’re too old for Santa.

Granny: I know, dear. But I need some peace and quiet. I’m not used to having everyone around. I want to be well-rested for the big meal tomorrow.

In the morning, they were opening their presents when there was a commotion outside.

Florida Woman Fights to Keep Her Pet Alligator Who Wears Clothes and 'Rides' ATVs - ABC News

Adele: What is all that noise?

Stan: It sounds like sleigh bells.

Adele: We live in South Carolina. It can’t be sleigh bells.

Justine: It’s definitely bells.

This Woman Is Dangerous: Alligator at the door

Someone knocked on the door. Then rang the doorbell. And rang the bell again. And again.

Adele: Hold on. I’m coming.

She opened the door.

Adele: Stu! What are you doing here?

Stu: I thought I was invited for Christmas. Today’s Christmas.

Adele: You were invited. But you told Vinny that you were staying in Florida. With Katya.

Stu: I never said that. I said I wasn’t coming with him.

Vinny: Dad, you said you were staying there.

Florida woman shocked to find 'aggressive' eight-foot alligator knocking on her door | Daily Mail Online

Stu: I did stay there. But now I’m here. Can I come in?

Adele: Of course. How did you get here? Did you drive by yourself?

Stu: No. Katya drove me. She has an excellent sense of direction.

Adele: Where is she?

Stu: I told her she wasn’t invited. She’s in the car waiting for me.

Granny: Stu! You’re an idiot. Tell her to get in here. It’s Christmas. We’re not going to make her wait in the car after she was nice enough to bring you all the way up here.

American Alligators resting

Stu: Okay. I didn’t want to impose on Adele. You’re really going to like her.

Stu went out to the car and invited Katya in. She explained that Stu hadn’t told her that he was supposed to be going to a big family Christmas. Once she found out what he was missing, she insisted on driving him up so he wouldn’t get lost. Her own family was celebrating later in the week so she wouldn’t miss anything by helping Stu.

Stu acted as if nothing unusual occurred. He sat at the head of the table and got the biggest slice of roast beef.

How an Alligator attack got my family into Ducks – Doing Manly Things (Mostly)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Gator Family Christmas

December 4, 2021 | cat9984

Stan and Adele and their daughters Justine and Suzy are hosting the family Christmas this year. Most of the relatives from south Florida will be coming to South Carolina for the festivities. You can read about their family reunion here and here.

Justine: I’m so excited! I can’t believe Granny’s going to be here for Christmas! When are they arriving?

Adele: Your Uncle John is supposed to be driving everyone up the week before in his camper.

Suzy: What about Cousin Danny? Is he coming?

Adele: He’s in school until that Tuesday. So he’ll be coming separately.

Stan: Cousin Vinny’s going to be able to get some time off from the resort for the holidays. So he and Uncle Stu will be coming separately. They won’t be staying as long.

Adele: Thank goodness! I was afraid Stu was going to try to find the house by himself, and we’d never see him again.

Justine: It is kind of scary how bad his sense of direction is. We’re friends on GatorGab. Last week, he was walking on the beach and was partway to Daytona before he realized he missed the turn into his subdivision.

Adele: We should probably start cleaning so we can get everything decorated before they get here.

Suzy: Where is everyone going to stay? Our house isn’t that big.

Stan: I’m renting a sauna. They said it feels just like southern Florida in the summer.

Justine: Oooh! That sounds nice.

Stan: And I’m going to set up a sunlamp in the basement.

Granny Gertie arrived with John, Jacob, and Norm a few days before Christmas.

Suzy: Hi Granny! Did you have a good trip?

Granny: It was long. Your Uncle John doesn’t really believe in taking rest breaks while he’s driving. I feel stiff.

John: Mom, you’re an alligator. You always walk like that.

Norm: Besides, it would have taken forever if we had stopped every time you wanted to. You wanted to eat every time you saw a picture of food.

Granny: It all looked so delicious.

John: How are things here? Adele, the house looks amazing.

Adele: Thanks, John. We’re doing well. Today was my last day of work before the holidays. We had our big potluck.

Justine: Mom took swamp grass cookies. They’re always a big hit.

Adele: We exchanged “Secret Santa” gifts. Here’s mine.

She held up a package of “Roadkill Helper.”

Adele: Apparently someone thinks I don’t know how to cook.

Justine: You said your Secret Santa was that goofy chameleon. He’s just afraid of you.

Stan: You did threaten to step on him once.

Granny: Don’t worry about it dear. You can give it back to him at next year’s gift exchange. Could someone show me where we’re sleeping? I’d like to take a nap before dinner.

The visiting gators settled in. Danny arrived a few days later. Three days before Christmas, Vinny and Stu still had not arrived. Justine was scrolling through GatorGab and saw a post from Uncle Stu.

Justine: Hey, guys. Uncle Stu says that he left for South Carolina yesterday. Has anyone heard from him?

Stan: No. Does it say anything about Vinny?

Justine: He says that he is going to pick up Vinny and head here.

Suzy: He’s picking up Vinny?

Norm: It’s supposed to be the other way around. Somebody better call Vinny.

Granny: I’ll try to reach Stu. My brother has the common sense of a pumpkin.

Granny and Stan started trying to figure out what was going on while the others paced around the house.

Granny: Stu got bored waiting for Vinny and decided that he would go to South Miami to pick him up at the club. He says he’s north of the city at a very nice lady gator’s house.

Stan: So Vinny can pick him up there?

Granny: He’s not sure he wants to come anymore. He thinks she might be his soul mate. I told him he’s an idiot.

Stan: Vinny wants to know what he should do.

Granny: He should pick up his idiot father and bring him to the family Christmas.

Justine: Maybe we should invite the lady gator too. Uncle Stu just changed his relationship status to “It’s Complicated” on GatorGab.

Granny Gator began to make a low growling noise deep in her throat.

Next week: Will Uncle Stu and Cousin Vinny make it to South Carolina for Christmas? (see part 2 here)

Santa Claws and the New Delivery System – Part 2

December 28, 2019 | cat9984

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Where we are: Mortimer Weasel has convinced Santa Claws that he needs to have his toys built by elves all over the world rather than just the North Pole. Santa would be able to pick up the toys locally for delivery to the kittens in the area. Unfortunately, Santa finds out three days before Christmas that some of the toys won’t be ready.

(The link to the first part of the story is at the right.)

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Santa: What am I going to do? That idiot has ruined Christmas for all of those poor little kittens.

Mrs. Claws: I have an idea.

Santa: Thank you, dear. But I don’t think there’s time for anything now.

Mrs. Claws: Just trust me.

Image result for cat running in snow"

Mrs. Claws ran off while Santa continued to pace back and forth. Finally, he curled up in front of the fire and went to sleep. He dreamed about chasing weasels through the snow.

When Santa woke up, it was dark. Mrs. Claws still wasn’t back. He walked back to the house; she wasn’t there either. Where had she gone? Finally, she came in and nuzzled Santa.

Santa: There you are! I was getting worried. Where have you been?

Mrs. Claws: I told you. I had an idea about how to fix your problem.

Image result for cats nuzzling"

Santa: Did it work?

Mrs. Claws: We’ll know in the morning.

Santa and Mrs. Claws had dinner. They curled up and went to sleep. Before they knew it, someone was ringing the bell. Santa got up and answered the door. It was Greta. She had been chief of toy production before Mortimer eliminated her job.

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Santa: Greta! It’s wonderful to see you! How have you been? What brings you here?

Greta: I’m great, Santa. Mrs. Claws came to see me yesterday and told me about your problems. We elves had been wondering how this new system was going to work. Everyone’s feeling badly that we let that weasel talk us into it.

Santa: It’s not your fault, Greta. I’m sure he made it sound fool-proof.

Greta: Anyway, is Mrs. Claws here?

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Mrs. Claws: Greta! How are you doing?

Greta: We’re ready to show Santa the big surprise.

Santa: What big surprise?

Mrs. Claws: You’ll see. Come with us.

The three of them walked toward the toy shop. Santa was surprised to see all the lights on. The local elves had finished their work at the beginning of the month and were all on vacation until after Christmas.

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Greta opened the door, and Santa saw the elves working feverishly, building the extra toys he needed.

Santa: Greta, how did you do this? I thought everyone had left town.

Greta: No one wanted to miss Christmas Eve, even if we weren’t working. When Mrs. Claws told us about the kittens who were going to miss their visit from Santa Claws, we got to work. You should have everything you need before you go.

Santa: Greta, I can’t believe you would do that. Particularly after the way Mortimer treated you.

Image result for kittens with toys"

Greta: It doesn’t have anything to do with him. It’s about the kittens.

Santa: That’s true. It is about the kittens. I don’t know how to thank you. Please tell the elves that they’ll be getting double their regular Christmas bonus regardless of whether or not they get everything finished.

Santa and Mrs. Claws left the elves to their work. Santa was beside himself with excitement. Maybe it was going to be all right after all.

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The next day, Santa got dressed and ready for the trip. He went to the toy shop to see how everything had worked out. He was amazed to see everything he needed for the area around Guam.

Greta: What do you think, Santa? They’re all here; no kitten with be without a gift. I’m really proud of the team.

Santa: Greta, the team is truly incredible. Excellent as always. I couldn’t have done this Christmas without all of you.

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Santa Claws made his trip around the world. The new regional delivery system wasn’t too bad, but he didn’t like not having control of the quality. Some things just weren’t up to his and Greta’s standards.

When Santa returned to the North Pole, he fired Mortimer and gave Greta her old job back. He didn’t want to fire all of the regional elves, so Greta worked out a system where they would do early production. Everything would be sent to the North Pole for completion and quality control.

All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Cat Forum: The Purr-Fect Gift

December 15, 2018 | cat9984

Image result for cat under christmas tree

Greetings Fellow Felines. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. It’s time once again for us to give gift suggestions for the holidays. But unlike last year’s list of gifts for the well-to-do cat, this year we have ideas for you to gift your human. (We know it’s backwards, but we do try to be humorous once in a while.)

Does your human like to work in the garden? Do they come in smelling of dirt (or worse)? Do they complain about you leaving “deposits” among their flowers? Are the tables and counters full of fresh veggies part of the year?

Maybe a gardening companion:

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