Tag Archives: food

11

Cheeseland Day Camp – Parents Day

|

The campers at Camp Muckamac had been working hard all week getting their skits ready for their parents The plan was for the parents to arrive after lunch on Friday and take the young animals home after the program.

It’s finally Friday, and everyone is very excited. There was a hike in the morning followed by cleaning. Finally, it was time for the skits. They always held the end-of-camp gathering in the Chow Hall in case of bad weather.

Ms Kimmy: Hello, everyone! In case I haven’t met anyone, I’m Ms Kimmy, director of Camp Muckamac. I’ve had the pleasure of being with your children for the past two weeks, and I’ve really had a good time. We didn’t have to send anyone home for not following the rules, and there were no major medical emergencies.

The parents applauded. The campers, who were sorted into their skit groups, looked at Ms Cate. They were waiting for the signal that it was time to start.

Ms Cate (whispering): Not yet. She needs to introduce the counselors first.

All of the counselors, except Ms Cate, lined up behind Ms Kimmy. Ms Kimmy introduced them one-by-one to continued applause. After they were introduced, they went back to the campers.

Ms Kimmy: Now it’s time for our program. Let’s give a big welcome to the first group: Mr Arthur and Forest Safety.

Two young raccoons run in with a banner saying, “Forest Safety.” They stand at the back of the stage. A kitten and a guinea pic walk onto the stage. They take turns reading from a paper.

Kitten: The forest is a wonderful, magical place, but you need to respect it.

Guinea Pig: Yes, you should always pay attention to where you are.

A group of young animals run onto the stage and stop. They start looking around.

Puppy: Do you guys know where we are?

Goat: Not really. We made a lot of turns.

Lamb: It’s kind of dark in here. I don’t like it. I want to go home.

Groundhog: Me too. I’m getting hungry.

Puppy: Should we blow the whistle?

Bear Cub: Don’t be a loser. We’re not lost. I live around here.

Hedgehog: So, which way do we go?

Bear Cub (pointing): That way.

A couple of minutes later.

Bear Cub: I don’t think this is right.

Kitten: I’m hungry.

Bear Cub: Just eat some berries.

Puppy: Wait a minute. Are those safe to eat?

Kitten: I don’t think so. Besides, cats don’t eat berries.

Puppy: That’s it. I’m blowing the whistle.

Two rabbits come out with an easel saying to always know where you are, don’t eat anything you don’t know, and bring something to help others find you if you get lost.

The audience applauded. The young animals bow, collect a few flowers that were thrown, and run off the stage.

Two young wolves run in with a banner saying, “Forest Foods and Medicine.” They stand at the back of the stage. Two meerkats walk on stage with a piece of paper. Mr Joseph stands at the side of the stage.

Meerkat 1: The last group talked about being safe in the forest. We agree you shouldn’t be careless.

Meerkat 2: But if you study the forest, it’s full of tasty things and things that can make you feel better.

A group of young animals come out dressed to forage.

Young Goat: First, you need to know what is dangerous to your species.

Puppy: We can’t eat onions or garlic.

Kitten: Us either.

Bear Cub: But for me wild leeks are delicious.

Young Goat: Pretty much anyone can eat dandelions.

Groundhog: And you can eat almost all of it. Starting with the leaves. They make a delicious salad.

Hedgehog: Did you know you can make wine from the flowers and a hot drink from the roots?

Capybara: You can add broadleaf plantain to your salad or cook them for a side dish.

Lamb: Ostrich Fern can be added to the salad or cooked too. I wonder if anyone cooks them with Broadleaf Plantain.

Bear Cub: Don’t forget wild berries. They are delicious!

Alpaca: Broadleaf Plantain can be used as a poultice for wounds and insect bites.

Kitten: Yarrow can be used for wounds and fevers. It’s not poisonous, but don’t eat too much.

Gopher: We can’t forget all the mushrooms that are safe to eat: morels, chanterelle, hen-of-the-woods, oyster, golden oyster, chicken-of-the-woods, and giant puffball.

A puppy walks in with a sign, “Know what you are eating.”

Kitten: That’s all for us. But we want to invite Mr Joseph out here for a surprise.

Mr Joseph had been whispering with Ms Cate at the side of the stage. Her group was going to do a skit about the Teddy Bears’ Picnic as soon as the current skit was over. Mr Joseph walked out onto the stage.

Kitten: We didn’t know how much Mr Joseph knew about native plants. We had a really good idea, and he helped us do it.

Everyone clapped although no one understood what was going on. The group left the stage. Two young foxes walked out with a banner the said, “Teddy Bears Picnic.” The stood at the back of the stage. A badger walked out and read from a piece of paper.

Badger: There is a song called “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.” We thought it would be fund to do a skit about a picnic.

A group of small animals came onto the stage carrying picnic baskets and blankets. They spread the blankets on the ground and started to open the picnic baskets.

Lamb: What food did we bring on our picnic, Mama?

Sheep: I’m not sure. I didn’t pack it.

The audience laughed.

Squirrel: That’s weird. My basket is empty.

Ms Cate was not amused. They had rehearsed an entire skit that was not centered on food.

Voice from Offstage: Hello? Hello? Did someone order picnic food? I have an order for a party of teddy bears.

Bear Cub: I didn’t order any food, but I’m a bear.

Voice: That’s good enough for me.

Suddenly, the stage was full of small animals carrying salads, bowls of berries, pots of honey, and other foods. Ms Cate was very confused. Mr. Joseph explained what was happening.

Mr Joseph: The kitten in my group is friends with the kitten in your group. Some of the older campers thought it would be funny to see what happened if they switched up the skit. Sort of a senior prank. The others didn’t agree. My group wanted to help, so they asked if we could actually gather what we were talking about.

Ms Cate: They did an amazing job.

Kitten: Ms Cate, would you please come out.

Ms Cate walked out, trying to avoid the munching animals. There was a group of animals holding bouquets of catnip.

Kitten: We all wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for our program.

They handed her the bouquets, and Ms Cate walked offstaghe.

Ms Kimmy: I’m not happy that a few campers decided to change things around without telling anyone, but all’s well that ends well. It looks like there is still a lot of food if anyone wants some.

Ed Note: The plants referenced are native to Michigan forests.

22

A Word from Onyx

|

  

It’s Onyx  here. And I am NOT a happy kitty! 

30 Moving Memes That Hit A Little Too Close To Home - SayingImages.com

As many of you know, I moved. It wasn’t my choice; I didn’t even get asked. Blondie just uprooted me with no concern. I’d overheard her talking about moving, but I had assumed the new apartment would come to me. Nope! Here’s how the horrors unfolded: 

That Cat Will Turn This Car Around

I was forced into a cage, shoved in a car, and we drove forever and ever (Blondie says it’s only 15 minutes. She’s wrong). It was bumpy, loud, and very scary. I yowled the whole time, hoping Blondie would let me out, but she didn’t. She said something about how she didn’t want me escaping from the car when the little humans opened the door. I think she planned the whole thing to torture me. 

It Will Be Fun They Said | CatLoversUnite.net

Once we finally arrived, I assumed I’d be let out of the cage. The little humans were trying to let me out. But Blondie insisted I stay in my carrier. Something about the door being open so she could move boxes in, and she didn’t trust me not to dart into the road or take off. So I sat. And sat. And sat some more. It must have been hours.

Lolcats - hungry - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Once I was (finally) released from my carrier, I fully expected a dish full of kibble, some fresh water, and an abundance of treats. Unfortunately, the only thing waiting for me was a litter box. At least it was clean. But I was starving. 

The worst part is, I fully expected to be an only cat. After all, why else would you remove me from my palace? But much to my chagrin, I found out that Thunder had moved back in with us! Thunder not only looks like a littler version of Sgt Stripes, she plays Pounce just like he does! And she doesn’t take a hint! No amount of hissing or growling deters her, and she follows me practically everywhere! I finally found refuge on the counter next to the microwave.

cat fight at food bowl - Cat Tales

But that’s not all. She steals practically all of the kibble and wet food, and keeps trying to break into my dairy treats! Everyone knows those are mine. She also steals attention from MY human, and sleeps on the bed with her! Blondie says there’s plenty of room for both of us, but I don’t do the whole sharing thing. I should just get the bed (seniority alone rules in my favor). 

The new apartment is tiny compared to the house I was in. I had two floors and a basement to explore, and plenty of space to hide from the other cats. This is only one floor, with a tiny bathroom and two bedrooms (as well as the living space and kitchen). The two mini humans claimed one of the rooms, so I tend to avoid it. It’s loud in there. And smelly. Although they have lots of soft blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals to sleep on, so that’s been nice. But the best place to be is the counter. I can survey my domain, hide behind the microwave, and cuddle up by the warm cooking appliances if they’re on. But there’s no cat tree, no cat bed, not even any big toys. It’s just a bunch of little toy mice and jingly balls. 

Another grievance I have is all of the boxes. Everyone knows that the boxes goes to the cat when it’s empty. But no, my human broke all of them down for recycling. She didn’t even leave any empty totes- she took them to the storage closet. What’s the point of packing and unpacking if you don’t get the box at the end?

I wish I could say that there were advantages to moving. But honestly, it just really stinks. The food situation is worse (no never ending kibble, thanks to Thunder), no cool spots to hang out in, nowhere to escape from Pounce, and one less adult human to cuddle on. I haven’t even found a good sun spot to nap in yet. Hopefully things will get better- if not, I’m moving back! 

Memes courtesy of Google Images

18

Yak Express Returns

|

Yak - Wikipedia

Today, we are behind the scenes at Yak Express, as they try to process the overload of post Christmas returns they’re getting.

How to Clean a Cat Tree in 11 Simple Steps - Catster

Borris: “Man, everyone and their grandmother must have bought a Deluxe Kitty Condo: 3 Levels of Pawsome!”

Zack: “Except it’s not so pawsome. This is the 5th one I’ve returned. 

Borris: “I wonder what’s wrong with them?”

Husky takes over cat tree

Zack: “The first one said it wasn’t plush enough. Then one said it smelled like a dog. This one, the color isn’t soothing enough.”

Borris: They were heavy enough to deliver when they were properly packaged. This is just miserable.

Steen: “At least yours is all in solid pieces. I just had an exploding nip mouse explode all over me. It’ll take days to get my hair back to normal again.”

Somebody loves the fuzzy blanket : r/cats

Borris: “Maybe you could hang out with the cats that are returning their kitty condos. It sounds like they need to relax.”

Steen: “And don’t even get me started on the food returns! Mackerel, tuna, liver… all of it smells disgusting. And it comes in those heavy tin cans. 

Zack: “Notice no one is returning the plush blankets or fuzzy robes. Those were easy to travel with- and comfortable.”

Borris: “Come on, I had one returned!”

Steen: “Yeah, because the cat who had it hacked a hairball up and couldn’t get the stain out. That’s disgusting.”

Borris: “I’d say the worst for returning are the soaps and perfumes. The scent always makes me gag. And it lingers on my hooves.”

Zack: “That’s true. No one ordered “grassy fields”. They’re all weird scents, like “vanilla cinnamon” and “lush cotton”

Steen: “It could be worse. I hear some humans like to smell like leather. Who’d want to smell like a cow all the time?”

Borris: “And what about these kitchen appliances! They’re heavy, and my back isn’t as good as it used to be.”

Get your cat exercising more with a cat treadmill

Steen: Or the exercise equipment! Who decided we were returning weights and treadmills?

Borris: “The stupid thing is, it’s not like the manufacturer is going to resell it. We’re doing all of this work just for these items to end up in the trash”.

Steen: “I agree, it’s stupid.”

Herd of yaks walking on the Everest Base Camp Trekking, Nepal

Borris: “And we don’t ever get overtime pay. I vote we go at our own pace. There’s no need to rush this stuff back. 

Zack: Isn’t that why we got complaints about our Christmas deliveries?”

Steen: “Yeah, but everyone just likes to complain. No one knows how hard it truly is working for Yak Express.”

Zack: “This job isn’t for the old, that’s for sure.”

Steen: “Or the pretty. This is wrecking havoc on my hooves and hair.”

Borris: “I vote that next year, we sell our returns to a third party vendor.”

A cat is sitting next to a clock the cat has its paw on the clock the clock is made of metal and has a white face the cat is looking at

Zack: “Definitely. It’ll be worth a little money to save my back.”

Borris: “And don’t even get me started on the late deliveries. We always get the blame, but it’s not our fault they chose not to order in time!”

Steen: “It just keeps coming and coming… it’ll never end.”

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images and ChatGPT

22

Post-Christmas Cat Council

|

     The day after Christmas, the cats gathered to discuss the Christmas goings-on. 

 

Snoops: Christmas 2025 seemed to go pretty well.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t see any huge new cat tree. I thought we were supposed to get a new cat tree.

Onyx: I heard them talking. Apparently the little humans got some kind of present called bunk beds. The male human appears to be the only one who can put stuff together and that comes before the cat tree.

Angel: That’s not fair. There’s only two of them and five of us.

Gypsy: Will they make less noise if they get the new beds?

Angel: Ooh. I’d wait for that.

Onyx: What’s a bunk bed?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know. But hopefully, they will stay in it later than the current beds. My morning routine has been ruined. I used to hang out with Mom in the morning on weekends. Now they’re up before I finish my first set of cuddles. And I used to be able to get a couple of rounds of treats. Now, I’m lucky if I get one.

Snoops: You don’t need extra treats, But the fewer cuddles are a problem.

Angel: They come downstairs and make noise too.

Gypsy: Good thing Blondie is still sleeping down here because of her foot surgery. Otherwise, we’d have to deal with them.

Snoops: I’m not sure new beds are the answer. Maybe they should have gotten some kind of snack bar. That one kid is always hungry.

Sgt Stripes: That would have been cool. We could have stored cat snacks in it too.

Onyx: The kid probably would have eaten those too.

Snoops: At least dinner was good.

Angel: Only if you eat human food.

Snoops: It was a big salmon in some kind of pastry. It was delicious. And they had cookies too. I fell asleep afterwards.

Sgt Stripes: They had something called eggnog too. I guess sometimes humans put other stuff in it, but ours was just some kind of cream. Very yummy.

Gypsy: I don’t really like lots of people. I stayed in my new favorite spot – a shelf in the pantry.

Angel: That is pretty sweet. Right above the heat.

Gypsy: It’s the perfect spot. There’s a chain on the door, so the little humans can’t get in. But I didn’t get to see most of Christmas. Did the humans like our presents?

Sgt Stripes: It didn’t turn out quite the way we hoped. It was hard to get on the computer. So we had to just add to the human order. I will say that Snoops did a fine job with our human brother. He got an ultra-plush, ultra-large cotton towel.

Snoops: I tested it after it got opened. It will be purr-fect for catnaps. To be fair, Sarge did a good job with our human sister Blondie. She got a plush robe with cat ears on the hood. Stylish, but really comfortable for laying on.

Gypsy: Sounds pawsome! What did you get Mom?

Snoops: Apparently Onyx didn’t understand the assignment. She got a lamp.

Onyx: What’s wrong with a lamp? It’s two cats that light up.

Angel: There isn’t anyplace for us to lay on.

Onyx: You can wrap around it. The bulb’s at the bottom. It should get warm. And she really likes it.

Angel: I’ll have to do the shopping when it’s time for her birthday.

Snoops: Anyway, that’s over. Now it’s time to choose our tree. I’m thinking that since it’s late, we should get something even better.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. Maybe a place for treats.

Gypsy: I want real wood to sharpen my claws.

Angel: And plush beds.

Sgt Stripes: Time to talk to Mr Google again.

21

Hibernation at Forest Dreams

|

.Tips for Mother's Day from BEAR SANCTUARY Arbesbach

Marva and Barney were going to be going into hibernation for the first time since the cubs moved into their own dens. Marva was not looking forward to the foraging that always preceded their winter nap. looked up from her computer. 

Computer Programming | Hall of Beorn

Marva: Dolly just sent me information about the best place to go this winter.

Barney: What do you mean by go away this winter? We hibernate. All we need to do is make sure we’ve eaten enough and have enough covering to stay warm.

Marva: Don’t be so old-fashioned. Everyone is going to lodges for the winter now.

Barney: Who is everyone? I don’t know anyone who is leaving the neighborhood for hibernation.

Beekeeping 101: How To Prevent Bears From Ruining Your Beehives

Marva: Well, Dolly’s cousin Ellie is lodging, and so are all her friends.

Barney: Isn’t Ellie the one who thought it would be a good idea to build hives so she could raise her own honey?

Marva: It would have been a good idea if she hadn’t had the hives so close to the den. Who would have thought those cute little bees could be so violent? She still has scars on the side of her nose. Besides, this is different.

Black bear crashes Thanksgiving dinner in Manitoba - Cottage Life

Barney: So what’s her brilliant idea this time?

Marva: Come over and look at the pictures. It really looks nice. It’s called Forest Dreams.

Barney: It looks like some kind of barracks.

ESA - Bear sleeping

Marva: No, silly. There’s a main room and hallways going out in a bunch of directions to the sleep rooms. The main room is where you eat until you’re at hibernation weight. Then you go to one of the sleeping dens for the winter.

Barney: That looks like our den. Why do you want to spend money to go someplace that’s just like home?

How to Care for a Pet Rabbit | Reviews by Wirecutter

Marva: It’s like our place, but without all the work. It would be a treat.

Barney: Why are the ads full of rabbits? I don’t want to sleep with a bunch of rabbits. They don’t hibernate.

Marva: That’s the beauty of it. The rabbits do all the work for us. They gather the honey, nuts and berries. They even have fish and insects to eat. It’s an all-you-can-eat buffet. Then they clean while we sleep. There’s more food to get us started in the spring.

Barney: I don’t know it seems kind of silly to me. Bears have been hibernating for years without the help of rabbits.

Prepare for the Bear | Outside Bozeman

Marva: Wouldn’t it be nice to just show up and get all the food you want rather than needing to fight other bears?

Barney: I guess. If it’s really what you want to do, we can try it.

Barney and Marva arrive at Forest Dreams, and register for their room. They hear a loud, angry bear at one of the desks.

Barney: My goodness. He really doesn’t sound happy. I wonder what’s wrong.

March Napness contest: Sleepy sanctuary bears get bracket treatment

Marva: I think I heard something about sharing space. I wonder if he didn’t get the room he wanted.

Clerk: Unfortunately, he didn’t read the agreement. It says that in case of overbooking, we reserve the right to make you share your space.

Marva: For the entire winter?

Clerk. It usually happens if we have two single bears taking up two of our sleeping pods. There’s plenty of room for at least two bears in each of the pods.

How to Care for a Pet Rabbit | Reviews by Wirecutter

Barney: Thank goodness there are two of us.

Clerk: That’s correct, we won’t be putting anyone in with you unless there’s an emergency. Have you read the rules for staying at Forest Dreams?

Marva: I read what’s on your website.

Clerk: Then you’re aware that once you’ve moved into your pod, you are not allowed to leave Forest Dreams until the end of the winter. We lock the doors on November 15 and open them on March 15.

Can you see a bear in the winter? – Kodiak Wildlife Products | Bear Spray | Bear Bangers | Wild Life Safety Kits | Bear Bells

Barney: Isn’t that a little early for a full hibernation? Can we stay longer if there’s still snow?

Clerk: Unfortunately, the building is used in the summer as a camp for humans. We need to clean it thoroughly between groups. They really don’t like the old fish smell.

Barney: How long does the all-you-can-eat buffet stay open?

What Happened To Our Pumpkin? | Lake Lure North Carolina

Clerk: It’s pretty much until we run out of food. It depends on the clientele. Generally the honey and fish are gone pretty quickly. But we usually have enough insects and nuts to last until everyone is asleep.

Barney: What if I want a mid-winter snack?

Clerk: We have a fully stocked granola bar all winter.

Spring is here, and with it some very hungry bears - NDOW

Marva: And in the spring?

Clerk: We send you on your way with a basket of goodies. All bear-approved.

Barney: I guess we better get eating.

Come back in the spring, when we’ll find out whether Barney and Marva enjoyed their stay at Forest Dreams.

Two Bears

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

21

Onyx Dishes the Dirt

|

Hello Everyone. It’s me, Onyx. I saw that Gypsy and Angel were talking about me last week. I’m here to set the record straight. It is true that I got out of the house a few times while the weather was still warm. But I’m not the same cat who moved in here a couple of years ago.

Blondie rescued me from the Humane Society when I was young. We bonded and were pretty much inseparable at our old place. It was a good life. But it was loud and crowded. None of us really minded getting more space. Gypsy was a little overwhelmed, but she finally seems to be relaxing a bit.

After we had to move out, both Blondie and I were pretty traumatized, and we stuck together. When she had to go to the hospital the first year, I stayed in our room almost entirely. I generally ignored the “upstairs cats,” Sgt Stripes and Gypsy. I just hung out and waited.

By this summer, I was a lot braver. I started to go into Mom’s room and let her give me pets and treats. Blondie was gone for a long time. I decided it was time to explore the rest of the house. I really liked it on the freezer in the laundry room. I could watch everything from on high.

I’ve been making a lot of changes. I even eat wet food once in a while. I’ve discovered I like fish a lot. I like hanging out in the kitchen. You never know when something yummy is going to appear.

But enough about me. I have things to tell you about all of the cats. The really big news is that Sgt Stripes and Gypsy are a “thing.” They got close when they were both upstairs. But she’s the only one who really bonded with him out of all of us lady cats.

Gypsy has gotten pretty close with Snoops too. When Mom works from home, they tag-team so that one of them is always in her lap. And they don’t even hiss at each other to move. Gypsy has never been social. It’s weird/

Gypsy’s really spoiled. The heat is off in the house. (It’s supposed to be fixed on Tuesday – whatever that is.) Mom put a towel in a clothes basket so Gypsy wouldn’t get cold. Nobody offered me a blanket.

And that big tabby has stolen my prime spot on the freezer. One day, he just bounced out and took it. He’s done the same thing with my eating spot in the kitchen. He just jumps up and sits there in my spot. He is so rude! Mom told me to just ignore him, that he’s really gentle. She wouldn’t want someone three times her size to take her seat.

I can’t forget Angel. She’s pretty much okay. She really wants my spot with Blondie. She hangs out with her when they watch TV in the living room. Blondie is having foot surgery again soon, so she’ll be staying downstairs for awhile. I need to make sure Angel doesn’t steal my human entirely.

I think the last thing is that Snoops fell asleep on guard duty the other day. She was supposed to be making sure the cookies got safely put away. I guess she got bored. It was pretty funny to watch. At least she hasn’t fallen asleep on mouse patrol. She really is the only excellent mouser in the group.

I guess that’s all the news here. Hope you enjoyed the rundown.

29

Gypsy Katt and The Mating Game

|

Hey Everyone! It’s me, Gypsy. Hope I didn’t scare you with the title. This is NOT about me finding a mate. I have my buddy Sgt Stripes and that is enough mancat drama for me. I have something a lot more fun. 

I don’t know about the weather around you, but here it has not been great for watching Cat TV. It’s been humid, overcast, and HOT. The only time anything’s moving is really early and after dark. But I found something on that box the humans watch that is really good and made for the feline audience. It’s called The Mating Game.

The way it works is that a lady cat sits in front of a screen. Behind the screen, there are three guy cats all called Tom. The lady asks the Toms a bunch of questions, trying to decide which one she’d like to go on a romantic walk with. (If you live with a really old human, like Mom, they might remember the human version. I saw one show. The cat version is a LOT better.) Here’s some highlights from the most recent episode:

A cat sits on a stool with the word cat on it. | Premium AI-generated image

Lady Guinevere: Tom #1, describe yourself in three words.

Tom 1: Fun, adventurous, and fearless.

Lady Guinevere: Ooh. What about you, Tom #2?

Tom 2: Smart, quiet, and regal.

Viral Video of Two Stray Cats in Love Seen by 26M: 'Us in Another Universe' - Newsweek

Lady Guinevere: Sounds promising. Tom #3?

Tom 3: Quiet, caring, and polite (for a cat).

Lady Guinevere: Very nice. Tom #2, describe a perfect evening.

Tom 2: We could go to a small cafe, enjoy some tuna and catnip tea, then go for a walk in the moonlight.

Lady Guinevere: That does sound nice. What about you, Tom #3?

Cats Who Love Salad - Messy Vegan Cook

Tom 3: I would bring you a mouse, then I would make you a shrimp and cat grass salad. I’d walk you home to make sure you arrived safely.

Lady Guinevere: Is that a live mouse or a toy?

Tom 3: Your choice, m’lady.

Lady Guinevere: You are a kind kitty. What about you, Tom #1?

Is It OK To Let Your Cat Go On The Balcony? - The Dodo

Tom 1: I would take you to my balcony and teach you how to jump on humans.

Lady Guinevere: I’m not sure that’s quite my style.

Tom 1: You’d love it if you gave it a try. Humans can yell really loud.

Lady Guinevere: Maybe. Final question. Tom #3, who’s your favorite human (living or dead)?

Tom 3: Definitely the one I live with. She doesn’t even get mad when I hack up a hairball.

Egyptian Mau Cat Breed Profile: Characteristics, Care & More - Modern Cat

Lady Guinevere: She does sound excellent. Tom #1?

Tom #1: Those Egyptian dudes. They worshipped us.

Lady Guinevere: Fair enough. What about you, Tom #2?

Tom 2: I think Isaac Newton. They say he invented the cat door/flap. A major convenience.

Host: All right, Lady Guinevere. It’s time to make up your mind. Any final questions?

File:Inquisitive cat.jpg - Wikimedia Commons

Lady Guinevere: Actually. I do. Tom #2, you sound very familiar. Have we met?

Host: I’m sure you’ve never met. We research our contestants thoroughly. There’s no chance you’ve ever met any of these cats. Are you ready to choose?

Lady Guinevere: I think so. I’d like to meet Tom #3. He seems like such a nice kitty.

They lifted the curtains between Lady Guinevere and the contestants. She looked at the three Toms. She was looks intently at Tom #2.

Lady Guinevere: Ewww. Tom #2 is my brother. That’s disgusting. I don’t want to go on a date with my brother!

Tom #3: Actually, you won’t be going out with him. You’ll be going out with me. You chose me.

Why is My Cat Gagging & What Should I Do? | Lexington Vets

Lady Guinevere: But I might have chosen him.

Host: Actually, a lot of our contestants have said that they wouldn’t mind going on a date with their brother. You might be a little overly sensitive.

Lady Guinevere: Yuck!

The credits start rolling across the screen.

23

House Cat Update: This Place is a Mess

|

      

 The cats have been having a rough few days. At least they think so.

Gypsy: I can’t believe Mom deserted us for three nights last week.

Sgt Stripes: My special treats were totally messed up. I have Mom trained to do it a certain way.

Gypsy: Worse than that. Angel thinks she can boss me around when Mom’s not here.

Sgt Stripes: I think she’s made some kind of pact with Snoops. Every time I see Angel, she hisses at me.

Gypsy: She’s just rude. Ignore her

Sgt Stripes: Mom does a really good job of keeping the peace. She shouldn’t be allowed to leave us. Where was she?

Snoops: Don’t you guys listen at all? She was having a sale at her uncle’s house. She needs to get rid of all the stuff so she can sell the house.

Sgt Stripes: I forgot. I liked him. He was always nice to me when I was outside.

Snoops: He was really nice to Kommando and me too. He played with the red dot with us.

Gypsy: That’s sad. Did they sell all of his stuff?

Angel: I think they must have. Look at the stuff that came here. It’s all over the dining room.

Snoops: Mom says that they still have to sell the stuff in his basement. He has all kinds of tools and electronics stuff and kitchen supplies down there.

Gypsy: But she won’t have to stay overnight anymore right?

Angel: I hope not. Those little humans were pretty good about feeding us, but the cuddles were definitely missing.

Onyx: I think you guys are out of luck. I heard Blondie say something about Mom going to Denver next week for work.

Snoops: That can’t be right. She doesn’t travel for this job.

Onyx: I dunno. Blondie said she was dropping her off on Wednesday and picking her up on Friday.

Sgt Stripes: Mr Google says that means she’ll be gone for two overnights. She can’t do that to us! Things haven’t gotten back to normal yet.

Snoops: Well, a lot of that has to do with the strange men that keep coming over.

Gypsy – Yeah. They’ve blocked off the basement. That was my escape when the rest of you were annoying me.

Sgt Stripes (hurt): You don’t mean me, do you?

Gypsy: No, you’re okay. But certain other cats get pretty territorial sometimes.

Angel: Only when you get into my territory.

Gypsy: At least I have a nice high perch. It’s even better than the mantel or china cabinet. It has Cat TV.

Sgt Stripes: So who are the men?

Snoops: You know how Gypsy kept coming upstairs with orange paws and getting it everywhere?

Angel: She was pretty disgusting.

Gypsy: That’s because there was orange water in the basement.

Sgt Stripes: More like orange sludge.

Snoops: Whatever. The humans need to get some plumbing work done in the basement. But before they can do that, the orange stuff has to go.

Sgt Stripes: I heard something about mold too. I know what that is, but Mom’s allergic to it. She’s really excited it’sai going away.

Angel: I don’t really mind the men. They stay downstairs and don’t make too much noise.

Onyx: Sometimes Sarge or I will watch them from the upstairs windows. .

Sgt Stripes: They’re not very interesting. They just carry stuff in and out.

Gypsy: I hope they’re gone soon. And I hope they didn’t take my hiding places.

Snoops: You know the plumbing guys have to come back, right?

Gypsy: They’re okay. They don’t keep me out of the basement.

Sgt Stripes: Why are we still talking about the basement? We have to do something about this Denver thing. I don’t want Mom to think she can just leave whenever she wants to.

The rest of the cats nod in agreement.

36

Sgt Stripes: Why Does Gypsy Act So Weird?

|

         

Sgt Stripes here. You guys know that I really like Gypsy. We were upstairs together. And now that we have free run of the house, she’s the only lady cat who doesn’t hiss at me. We still nap together sometimes. But since we’ve been downstairs, I’ve noticed something kind of weird about her.

She REALLY likes to have a special spot that’s hers.  The spot changes sometimes, but she always needs to have a spot of her own. I decided that we’re good enough friends, that I could ask her about it. (I hope she doesn’t hiss or whap me.

Sgt Stripes: Hey, Gypsy. Can I ask you something?

Gypsy: Sure. What is it?

Sgt Stripes: I’m your favorite cat here, right?

Gypsy: I guess. Angel tried to starve me, and Onyx hisses at everyone. Snoops is OK, but she doesn’t understand why Mr Google always confuses us when he sends “Similar Shots” to the humans. You shared your space and kibble upstairs, so I like you.

Sgt Stripes: You’ve been nice to me too. But there’s one thing I don’t understand about you. The rest of us pretty much hang out in different spots around the house. But you always have a specific place to sit and sleep. Why are you so attached to a certain spot?

Gypsy: I move around. I always go to the kitchen for breakfast.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. But then you go back to your spot. Right now, if you’re not eating or using the litter box, you only stay in the spot where the Christmas tree used to be.

Gypsy: I cuddle with Mom on the love seat. And sometimes I sleep with you on the love seat.

Sgt Stripes: I guess that’s true. Maybe you are changing. But remember when you would only sleep in the plant? Mom had to bring your food to you there. You’d get out, eat the food, then go back to the plant. And before that, you would only stay on the stairs. The weirdest spot was when you wanted to sit in the litter box all the time.

Gypsy: That was only a couple of weeks.

Sgt Stripes: But why did you want to do it at all?

Gypsy: I feel safer if I have my own spot. It has to do with how I was raised.

Sgt Stripes: What happened?

Gypsy: My first humans kept me in a cage. And they didn’t feed me very well.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds awful. How did you get out?

Gypsy: They decided they didn’t want me and took me to a shelter. It was very traumatic.

Sgt Stripes: What happened with your next humans?

Gypsy: They were a lot nicer. But they had other cats who didn’t like me. They said I was the problem, and put me in a room away from the other cats. I was just hissy because I was so stressed out. But at least they fed me and were nice to me.

Sgt Stripes: Then you came here?

Gypsy: Yes. But when Angel, Onyx, and I arrived, there were already three cats here: you, Snoops, and Kommando. So Angel and I were put in a separate room. It was a lot bigger than I room I had been in, but it was really hard. Angel and I don’t really like each other.

Sgt Stripes: She hisses at me all the time. I don’t think I’d want to be locked in a room with her either.

Gypsy: And she kept eating all the food. I lost a lot of weight.

Sgt Stripes: That’s when you came upstairs. I remember that. You were tiny.

Gypsy: It was really weird having that much space. Onyx wasn’t excited that I was up there, but you were pretty nice. You only tried to play pounce a few times.

Sgt Stripes: You really weren’t much fun; you wouldn’t run away. But you were nice to hang out with.

Gypsy: Thank you. I was really comfortable up there. Then we were allowed to go downstairs if we wanted. It was so much space. I had never seen so much space. It was really intimidating.

Sgt Stripes: You haven’t been back up since we were allowed downstairs.

Gypsy: No. I’m still adapting to the downstairs. I even went out on the porch a couple of times. I discovered that I do not like snow.

Sgt Stripes: You should definitely stay inside. I was outside before they adopted me. Inside is definitely more comfortable. No rain or snow.

Gypsy: I think I like it here. Food, treats, and cuddles on demand. And I even have a cat friend. Thanks, Sarge.

29

Cat Council: January 2025

|

Snoops: I called this council meeting to discuss how the integration of our household is progressing.

Sgt Stripes: I haven’t seen any fights or fur flying.

Gypsy: There’s still some growling and hissing.

Angel: That’s just you.

Gypsy: It is not. Besides, I need to keep you away from my food. You did try to starve me last year.

Angel: It’s not my fault we didn’t get enough food when we were staying in the sunroom.

Gypsy: You are almost everything we got.

Snoops: Ladies, that’s old news. You need to move on.

Gypsy: What’s your excuse with Sgt Stripes? You growl at him every time he walks by.

Snoops: We have a history. He tried to eat Kommando Kitty when he moved in.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t try to eat her. I was just trying to play.

Angel: Snoops has a right to keep him at paw’s length.

Sgt Stripes: It’s gotten better. Snoops hasn’t growled at me in two days.

Snoops: You seem to be slightly less annoying.

Sgt Stripes: We all eat breakfast together now.

Angel: Except Onyx. She thinks she’s too good for us.

Onyx: I don’t dislike you. I just don’t see any point in coming downstairs. I have everything I want upstairs.

Sgt Stripes: She does come down for treats sometimes.

Angel: Not since she started getting extra treats upstairs from the blonde kid.

Snoops: We really don’t see much of her.

Onyx: Well, I am pretty busy with my new position. I am the upstairs reading coordinator for the bedtime books for the small humans.

Gypsy: I thought you were an emotional support cat.

Onyx: I am. But since you and Sgt Stripes decided to stay downstairs, there really isn’t another cat to supervise.

Snoops: And we all know the humans need supervision. Especially the little ones.

Gypsy: That reminds me, we need to talk to Thomas Tabby. He’s supposed to be the liaison with the humans. We got that automatic litter box for Christmas and it still isn’t plugged in.

Sgt Stripes: They said something about a cat urinating in the electrical outlet that it was supposed to be plugged into. They want to put it in the utility room where one of the old litter boxes is.

Angel: I don’t want an electric litter box. That sounds scary. What if it eats one of us?

Sgt Stripes: They said it had been tested and is safe. I can’t believe that was our big Christmas present.

Angel: The toys were pretty cool.

Gypsy: I found out that Mom didn’t finish Prince Arthur’s blanket in time for Christmas. So I claimed it.

Snoops: Who’s Prince Arthur?

Sgt Stripes: You know. He lives with that woman who comes here to see our human brother.

Snoops: That’s right. I have enough trouble keeping the cats here straight. I forgot there was another cat involved with things. At least he doesn’t live here.

Angel: We do seem to be at cat capacity. At least I have a good sleeping spot next to the heater.

Sgt Stripes: And we do have a lot of places to snuggle up in.

Snoops: So everyone is pretty content? Meeting adjourned.