23

Cat Etiquette for Humans – Part 2 (Food)

Our good friend (and part owner of our human sister) Thunder enjoyed last week’s post. However, she feels that we neglected the role that food plays in human/cat etiquette. Therefore, she has written a follow-up post to rectify the situation.

Grey and white cat sniffing the meat grinder. | Homemade cat food, Homemade  cat, Cat food

Allow your cat to sniff everything. This ensures she gets to choose according to her wishes, not yours.

What to Do If Your Cat Is Obsessed With Human Food - Archie Cat

Just like humans request samples, kitties may also want to try a food before committing to it. I’ve learned that humans put tasty foods, like cheese, on yucky foods, like potatoes, and it can be deceptive. Therefore, samples are necessary.

He REALLY wants a bagel : aww

If your cat is sharing with you, such as a bagel with cream cheese or a forkful of chicken, allow Kitty to finish licking or nibbling before removing the item and taking a giant human bite for yourself. My dad did this with a bagel and cream cheese once, and I was depressed for the rest of the day.

24 Human Foods Cats Can Eat + Foods Cats Should Avoid! | Foods cats can  eat, Human food, Pureed food recipes

Do not mock us if we choose to go for a veggie option (peas) or sweet (ice cream) option. First of all, cats are masters at knowing what’s best for their nutritional needs. (Scientific articles relating such information have been published – see the Catster website). 

Second of all, if it’s good enough for humans, it must be good enough for kitties. After all, even our canned and dried foods are made with human-approved ingredients.

And if humans can be in the mood for these things, why can’t kitties?

The CAT thread. - Page 4 - Pelican Parts Forums

Tear or cut up anything we decide to eat into appropriate-sized pieces. We have small teeth and mouths, and can’t stuff a whole turkey leg in the way humans can. It’s frustrating when we’re given a delicious treat, only to have to abandon it minutes later because we can’t properly eat it.

Japan's Cat Island Asks Internet For Food, Gets More Than They Can Store |  Bored Panda

In the interest of food bank donations (which rise this time of year), I’ve decided to share this tip: 

Donating to the less fortunate is wonderful thing to do, and cats across the world support this gesture wholeheartedly (assuming you don’t donate our treats.) However, when donating, leave the empty boxes around the house alone.

Nothing is more heartbreaking than a cat spotting an empty box, planning to use it as a cozy nap spot, and marking it with your furs only to have a human kick you out. Then they ruin the furs you’ve carefully shed in there and fill it with junk before removing said box from home. Remember, bags work just as well and typically aren’t as cat-friendly. So it’s a win-win.

Dear humans, I hope this has been helpful.

Thunder K. Katt

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except me)

22

Snoops and Kommando: Cats and COVID

How to take care of your human: Tips & Tricks - Lolcats - lol | cat memes |  funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat  memes | lol cats

We are using cute pictures to go along with this post because we like them, not because they have anything to do with the topic.

JUST STOPPING BY TO SAY HI | Cats and kittens, Say hi, Hi quotes

Greetings from Snoops and Kommando. This is a pretty strange topic for us to be commenting on. In fact, we try to ignore the human world as much as possible. However, our human has forced this topic upon us.

Paperwork -

She has been sick for a couple of weeks. Finally she went and had one of those virus tests. The doctor thinks she has it. She might never know. It seems that where we live the results have to be sent to the State department of health who then calls. Only humans would come up with a silly process like that.

sharing is caring - cats eating ice cream | Meme Generator

It was really nice having her home at first, but we are getting tired of it. She isn’t sick enough to be in bed all the time, but she’s really boring. She’s taking up space on our sofa. And we’re not sure about the kibble budget since she’s not working.

May 2015 – Journey of a MOOCer

Why are we talking about her when we are usually the center of attention? We wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to make us sick. And the news is pretty comforting, although there are a few things we want to pass along.

Cats and the coronavirus quarantine – memes on the web – Cat in the Box LLC

Can Cats get COVID-19?

Apparently the virus really likes humans. They say that humans can pass this thing around easily. Luckily, we have superior immune systems. There have been a few cases in domestic cats, but we seem to be more or less safe from it.

24 Cats Who Are So Tired, They Don't Give a Darn

Does it Make Cats Really Sick (like some of the humans)?

There have been very few cases to study, but it seems to be similar to a common cold. The virus stayed in the upper respiratory system and did not go into the lungs. The cats all made a full recovery in less than 2 weeks.

During the 1918 Flu Epidemic, Pet Parents Put Masks on Their Cats - Atlas  Obscura

How do Cats get Sick?

So far, the cats have have caught the virus from their humans. However, the scientists think that cat-to-cat transmission is possible. So if you have a sick friend, be sure to wear a mask and keep your distance.

Felix...he thinks I've neglected him if I'm not constantly petting him! |  Cute animals, Cats, Cute cats

Do We Need to Avoid Our Human?

We don’t recommend you totally avoid your human if they are sick. However, someone else should feed you (and take care of you) as much as possible. If you only have one human, it shouldn’t be a problem. As we said, the virus is very rare in cats. And no human has gotten COVID (or many other viral diseases) from a cat.

Lolcats - test - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on  them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Do We Need to be Tested?

There is a test for pets, but you really don’t need it unless you are sick with a respiratory problem and have been close to someone with COVID. If you don’t have symptoms, there is no reason to think your human gave it to you. There is no routine testing for pets, and your vet will have to check local regulations before testing.

cute cat washing hand | Kittens cutest, Cat pics, Cute baby animals

Once again, cats have proven their superiority to humans. However, if your human is sick, remind them to wash their germy hands a lot.

Lolcats - relax - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on  them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

28

Who Says Cats are Finicky Eaters?y

Can Cats Eat Watermelon? – Can Cats Eat watermelon without any problem? |  Pro Active Pet Products

You’ve all heard humans say that it’s so hard to find something that kitty likes to eat. Or that kitty used to eat (whatever) food all the time, but now she won’t touch it. Or kitty will only eat one variety of a certain brand.

My Cat Stopped Eating Raw - What Do I Do?

We would like to suggest that maybe kitty isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s the food. Would most humans like to eat the same food every day.? Do most humans like diet food? Do most humans appreciate it when someone else changes their diet?

How To Keep Your Cat From Begging During the Holidays – Meowingtons

Most humans know that cats are obligate carnivores , and we have to get some essential nutrients from meat. Commercial cat food is prepared to be the most balanced diet available for cats. But that doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t enjoy a healthy treat once in a while.

Can Cats Eat Carrots? - Catster

A lot of kitties like the occasional veggie snack. Particularly popular are spinach, pumpkin, peas, and green beans. Cats can also have asparagus and broccoli, but it must be steamed before it is served. We don’t have any teeth to grind the fibers in them. They do make excellent toys.

Can Cats Eat Peaches? - Catster

Do you have a yen for something a little different? Fruit is an excellent choice for a treat. Fruit-loving cats usually like apples, bananas, blueberries, cantaloupe, and peaches. Just because we can’t taste sweet flavors doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy fruit. Maybe it’s the weird skin.

sad cat can't eat bread :( : sadcats

A few other foods that some of our furry relatives like are eggs, oatmeal, cheese, and bread. Remind Uncle Leo that his human should only serve him cooked eggs. Scrambled and hard-boiled are good options.

Can Cats Eat Cheese? Is Cheese Safe For Cats? - CatTime | Cat cookies, Cat  post, Cats

A lot of us are sensitive to dairy products, so cheese is not always recommended. However, for the rest of us it can be an extremely yummy treat.

Cat begging for food - YouTube

If some of these snacks sound good, tell your human. Humans can be extremely difficult to communicate with sometimes. If they don’t get the message the first time, keep trying.

10 Human Foods That Can Harm Your Cat

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

32

If your Cat Could Talk

cat: “Ha ha . . . good one!” #yourdailypaws #cat #catlaugh #laugh  #hysterical | Funny cats, Funny cat memes, Cat quotes funny

Ever wonder what your cat is thinking when you say something? We’re here to help. These answers are based on surveying many cats (more than 10).

yes I heard you! | Funny cats and dogs, Funny animal memes, Funny animals

Human: Here Kitty, Kitty

Cat: Hmm. Not my name. Wonder who’s she’s calling. OR Hmm. Wonder what she wants. If I wait, I’m sure she’ll tell me.

When dinner is late and they start plotting a takeover : cats

Human: Come get dinner.

Cat: Hmmph. About time.

Ten Cats Wondering What Is for Dinner in Deep Thinking Ways

Human: Do you want chicken or beef?

Cat: Yes.

5 Signs Your Cat Is Bored Out of Their Mind & How You Can Help | Meows 'n'  Paws

Human: I bought you a new type of litter.

Cat: How exciting.

My Cat Won't Eat After Being Spayed

Human: I bought you a new kind of food.

Cat: It better not be that diet junk you tried to pass off as regular food the last time.

mouse in shoe - Google Search | Cute rats, Animals, Cute animals

Human: Why did you leave a dead mouse in my shoe?

Cat: You screamed when I left the last one in your bed. And you didn’t find the one under the table for two days.

High and making a mess : AnimalsBeingJerks

Human: How did you make such a mess?

Cat: What mess?

9 Most Affectionate Cat Breeds: Meet the Cuddliest Cats in the World

Human: I love you.

Cat: Of course you do.

So precious | Animaux les plus mignons, Cute kittens, Chat fou

Human: Do you love me?

Cat: I suppose.

A Most Purrfect Cuddle Puddle - Daily Squee - Cute Animals - Cute Baby  Animals - Cute Animal Pictures - Animal Gifs - GIF Animals

21

Cat Forum: Living with a Baby

Cats and Babies: Friends for Life - The Conscious Cat

Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to this month’s edition of Cat Forum. The topic was supposed to be “How to Correctly Treat a Cat,” with next month’s being “Living with a Baby” after our human sister had her baby. But she messed everything up by having her baby last Sunday. So we are turning the blog over to the baby’s feline siblings.

Hello. Thunder here. My siblings have chosen me to be spokescat. I’m the new kitten here. I am a little upset. I was the baby before the little human arrived. And now he’s the center of attention.

I’m not supposed to share his drinks or lay in his bed or jump on him. He is no fun whatsoever. I think they should take him back.

Onyx here. He’s not so bad. I mean he smells weird and is kind of funny-looking. He only has a little fur on his head.

He is pretty much out of my way most of the time. But I hope he moves into his own room soon. I really want my humans back to myself at night. Mom says they have to finish his room first.

It’s Angel. He’s gotten a lot of really cool stuff to sit on and in. Like this dresser. I just hope they don’t cover it with junk. The new kid seems to have a LOT of stuff.

They said he won’t bother my cat tree. So I just have to keep an eye on my pesky new sister cat.

I’m Gypsy. The only thing I’ve really noticed about him is that he really sounds like a cat sometimes. Maybe he wants to be a cat.

I wonder how long it’s going to be before I have to guard my food from him. Someone said that he’s going to want to put everything in his mouth pretty soon.

Thunder: We took a vote, and he can stay. But as soon as he pulls a tail, he’s outta here.

131 Adorable Photos Proving That Your Kids Need A Cat | Bored Panda

Top and bottom pictures courtesy of Google Images.

We apologize for the look of the post. WP forced into Block Editor and we don’t know how to use it.

23

Snoops and Kommando: Famous British Kitties

Image result for successful cat memes

Hello. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Mom says she has something called a writer’s block. We really don’t know what she’s talking about since we haven’t seen any new blocks.

Image result for cat at computer

At any rate, we looked through our files and thought that maybe you would like to hear about some famous kitties. There were quite a few to choose from, but somehow this list ended up being all British. (Mainly because some of the other kitties came to a sad end or were actually TV or Internet stars.) Or maybe the Brits keep better records of their cats.)

Some of these kitties lived a long time ago. Since we couldn’t get pictures of everyone, we decided that it would only be fair to not show anyone. (Besides, some of the pictures are licensed and we found out we can’t pay with mice.)

Image result for cat on stage meme

Beerbohm – Beerbohm was the resident cat at the Globe Theatre in London (now the Gielgud Theatre). He loved to walk into dressing rooms and attack whatever props he could find. He also made himself at home on the stage, walking through many productions. As a sign of his popularity, he is the only cat to be given an obituary on the front page of the industry magazine The Stage.

Image result for cat with human food

Crimean Tom – During the Crimean War, Sevastopol was under siege for a year. When the British and French troops finally liberated the city, the residents were starving. Tom had survived the war, looking well-fed and healthy. The soldiers followed Tom one day to a store room full of food. Tom had saved the food by eating the mice and rats that tried to eat it. The store of food kept the soldiers from starving. Tom returned to Britain with one of the soldiers.

Image result for cat carrying kitten

Faith – Faith had been adopted by the rector of St. Augustine church. During the London Blitz, she took her kitten, Panda, to the church basement. Every time Panda would go upstairs, Faith would bring him back to the basement. St. Augustine was near St. Paul’s Cathedral, which was destroyed (except the tower) by the Germans. The only creatures that survived the bombing were Faith and Panda. She was awarded a medal for courage by the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Image result for cat on a ship

Simon – Simon was a British kitty who lived on the HMs Amethyst during the Chinese Civil War. In 1949, the ship ran aground and was stuck for three months. Simon has been wounded by a shell blast, but continued to protect the human food by killing rats trying to eat it. He also kept morale up. He was awarded the PDSA Dickin medal for bravery. He is the only cat to have received this medal.

Image result for cat swimming meme

Unsinkable Sam – When the German Battleship, Bismarck, was sunk by the British Navy, only 100+ men and one cat survived. The British HMS Cossack rescued the cat and named him Oscar. Unfortunately, the Cossack was torpedoed near Gibraltar. Oscar survived again and was renamed Unsinkable Sam. He was rescued by the HMS Ark Royal, which was torpedoed near Malta. After surviving three shipwrecks in six months, he was taken to Britain to live out his life on dry land in a seaman’s home.

Image result for cat chasing mouse meme

Wilberforce – Wilberforce was the Chief Mouser at No. 10 Downing St., the home of the British Prime Minister. No. 10 Downing St., is almost 300 years old, and has a number of resident rats and mice. The Chief Mouser is responsible for keeping the vermin under control. Wilberforce was considered to be a top-notch mouser. He has had the longest tenure to this point, serving every PM from Edward Heath to Margaret Thatcher.

Image result for cat waiter

Wyatt’s Caterer – Sir Henry Wyatt was imprisoned by King Richard III. He made friends with a cat who brought him food (mainly birds, not rodents). Eventually Sir Henry was released by King Henry VII (who defeated Richard III in battle and took the throne). A memorial to Sir Henry credits the Caterer with his survival during his imprisonment.

These cats are pretty impressive. There are many other cats who have saved humans from fires, medical emergencies, and gas leaks in their homes. Cat are also emotional and therapy support animals. Our purrs are therapeutic. You can see why cats rule. (And we’re beautiful too.)

Image result for beautiful cat meme

 

21

Cat Forum: Valentine’s Day

Image result for valentine cat

Snoops and Kommando here. Thank you for joining us for another edition of Cat Forum. As you may know, Friday is Valentine’s Day. Yep. Another day for humans to give presents to each other. As cats, we welcome presents any time. This year we’re giving the humans some ideas about special ways they can spend time with us.

Image result for cat cafe meme

Kommando: I’m going to ask Mom to take us to a cat café.

Snoops: Why do you want that?

Kommando: I want to order a salmon steak.

Snoops: That’s not what a cat café is. They have people come in and look at cats, possibly to adopt them.

Kommando: That’s dumb. French cafes are for French people. Italian cafes are for Italian people. Why can’t cat cafes serve food to cats?

Image result for cat cafe meme

Snoops: I don’t know. People are strange.

Kommando: That’s for sure. How about if she rents that “Cats” movie? It’s full of cats, right?

Snoops: Sort of. It’s a bunch of people dressed up like cats. And they sing.

Kommando: Do they really look like cats?

Image result for cat singing meme

Snoops: I don’t think so. They use human faces.

Kommando: That’s really creepy. What do you think we should do with Mom?

Snoops: I found this site called Elite Daily that has some ideas:

Image result for cat watching tv

Game Night – The human is supposed to spend the whole night playing with us. She’s even supposed to buy each of us a new toy.

Watch TV – We’re supposed to cuddle up with Mom and watch that big black screen in the corner of the living room. The people at Daily Elite recommend something called Planet Earth on Netflix. It seems like any show with a lot of animals in it might work.

Cat Treat Baking Party – The human is supposed to make fancy treats for us and then feed them to us. They recommend the human find recipes on YouTube under “Cat Treat Recipes.

Image result for cat fort meme

Build a Cat Fort – The human is supposed to get boxes from work or packages that come to the house. Then the night before Valentine’s Day, they secretly build a fort to surprise us with on Valentine’s Day.

Cook a Special Dinner for Two – The human makes a dinner that we like. Then we sit down at a special table and eat it.

Dance Around to Our Favorite Songs – She finds recordings of our favorite songs and then we dance together.

Image result for cat dancing meme

Kommando: I don’t know. A couple of them sound a little weird.

Snoops: You’re right. I’m not sure any of them would work for us. I can’t see game night really working out. You hog all the toys.

Kommando: I can’t help it if I’m better at it.

Snoops: Whatever. Mom never has the TV on. I’m not sure she knows how to use it.

Image result for cat helping meme

Kommando: We could get our fur-less brother to set it up. Dad used to use it.

Snoops: If that’s what they want us to watch, forget it.

Kommando: I think our shows wouldn’t have so many people in them.

Snoops: I don’t see the point in the cat treat baking party or building a fort. They both sound pawsome, but I don’t see where we get to spend time with Mom.

Image result for cat eating meme

Kommando: I agree. The dinner for two sounds good. But I want to be with Mom, not at a special dinner.

Snoops: I’m not sure how it’s different from when Mom shares her dinner with us.

Kommando: True. I hate the idea of a dance party. I don’t want Mom dancing around with me in her arms. And I don’t have favorite songs; I don’t like music.

Snoops: So what should we do with Mom on Valentine’s Day?

Kommando: I like the idea of an extra-long nap with her on the bed warmer.

Snoops: Great idea!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

12

Who’s Our New Neighbor? – Part 2

Image result for cats with lions

Where we are: There’s a new family moving into Calico Corners and they sound a little strange. They have a lot of children and requested that the lawn be replaced with extra dirt. You can see Part 1 here.

The family moved in a few weeks later. The next day, several residents went to Cielle Calico’s office. Cielle had been expecting them ever since he learned more about the new residents.

Image result for family of lions

Cielle: Good morning, all. It’s nice to see everyone so bright and early.

Sammy: Good morning, Cielle. You sold that house to a family of lions.

Tammy: It looks like they brought their own prey. It’s disgusting.

Image result for lion cubs

Frankie: I’m not sending my kids to school with lion cubs. What if the cubs get hungry?

Sammy: What about us? We’ll probably be next after they run out of what they brought.

The cats all began to talk at the same time. There were even some growls.

Cielle: Please calm down everyone! I did not sell the house to lions. You should know me better than that.

Image result for angry cats

Sammy: So why are they living in the house?

Cielle: That’s just temporary. They’ll only be here for a few weeks to finalize the paperwork for the new business.

Tammy: Who did you sell the house to?

Cielle: Mikki Meerkat, the owner of MM Construction.

Image result for meerkats tunneling

The cats looked confused.

Morrie: What’s a meerkat?

Cielle: They’re the other animals you saw.

Morrie: Those skinny things? They don’t look like any cat I’ve ever seen. They did tunnels and sleep in them.

Image result for weasels

Cielle: They’re not cats. They’re more like weasels. They’re very nice. You should go introduce yourselves.

Morrie: Maybe tomorrow. I need to think about this.

The other cats nodded in agreement.

Later that day, Tammy’s two kittens came racing home from school.

Image result for running kittens

Abby: Mom, guess what happened at school today.

Before Tammy had a chance to answer, Andy broke in:

Andy: We got new students today. But they’re not regular cats. They’re meerkats.

Abby: And meerkats aren’t really cats at all. They’re totally pawsome! They can stand on their back legs and look around.

Image result for meerkat and tunnel

Andy: And they make tunnels! Can we invite them over?

Tammy: Not until I meet their parents.

Abby: Can we all go over there now?

Tammy: It’s not polite to just show up at someone’s front door.

Image result for kittens with mom

Andy: But, Mom. The parents are really nice. They dropped their kids off at school and stayed to talk to us. They speak pretty good Cat, too.

Abby: Please, Mom?

Tammy: Let me call over there and invite the family for dinner.

Abby and Andy: Thank you!

Andy: By the way, their favorite food is beetles.

Image result for meerkats eating

Tammy: Oh. I wonder where you buy those?

Mikki and Giselle Meerkat came over with their three pups. Abby and Andy were right; they were extremely nice and told wonderful stories about living in Africa. The kids had a great time. Tammy promised they would do it again soon.

Tammy spread the word to the other cats about the great time they’d had with the Meerkats. She organized a welcome party for the entire clan. Before long, the Meerkats were part of the group.

Image result for meerkats tunneling

Next week: Did everyone live happily ever after?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

10

The Hedgehogs’ Smart Home – Part 3

Image result for hedgehogs at home meme

Where we are: Harry and Vivian Hedgehog’s smart home is becoming a nightmare with merchandise arriving without being ordered. Vivian has been working with Euphrates to fix the problem, but it has continued.

Harry and Vivian were extremely disappointed. As much as they liked Venus, they couldn’t keep using her. It was irritating to keep getting things they hadn’t ordered. Besides, it was tying up their credit while the return was processed. They didn’t want to have any problems with their HedgeAccess card. What would happen if something got lost, and they had to pay Euphrates for something they had never wanted in the first place?

Image result for hedgehog meme

Harry contacted Euphrates to see if they could use Venus but disable her ability to order from Euphrates. The representative told him that Venus had to communicate with Euphrates. It was part of her basic programming. There was no way to separate the ordering function from the rest of the communications sent to Euphrates.

Harry disconnected his chat and thought about what the representative had said. What type of information would Venus need to send to Euphrates except sales information? He looked at the paperwork they had received from Euphrates when they bought Venus. Reading through it, Harry found what he was looking for:

“All conversations recorded by Venus are the property of Euphrates. This information may be used for marketing purposes or for the solicitation of new customers.”

Hogs! He knew he should have found a hedgehog vendor rather than using the Cobras.

Image result for cobra snake meme

Harry: It looks like there’s no way around it. It’s either get rid of Venus or live with the unwanted items.

Vivian: We can’t just turn off the ordering?

Harry: No. It’s tied into Euphrates’ ability to listen in on what we say.

Vivian: I knew it was too good to be true. We’ll have to pack everything up and send it back tomorrow.

Harry: Why can’t we do it right now?

Vivian: Don’t you remember? Pete and Stella are coming over for dinner. We have to get ready.

Image result for hedgehogs eating

Pete and Stella were Harry and Vivian’s best friends. Harry and Vivian had moved into the burrow next to their friends. The burrows were so close that sometimes they could head each other scratching the ground or running on the treadmill.

Dinner went well. The grub-avocado salad was delicious. And they enjoyed the dandelion wine, although it did come from a human recipe.

Pete: How’s it going with your smart home?

Harry: Not so well. We keep getting stuff we didn’t order. You’re supposed to get her attention, by saying “Venus” before you ask her to do anything. Apparently, if it’s something they sell, the rules don’t apply.

Vivian: Or something. We can’t figure it out. All we know is that we’re not using the “official” words, and we keep getting stuff.

Image result for hedgehogs watching tv

Stella: What kind of stuff?

Vivian: The first thing was a television.

Stella looked at Pete.

Pete: Was it a Katsu 4K streaming model?

Vivian: As a matter of fact, it was. Then we got some Badger-b-Gone. The most recent thing was a vacuum cleaner.

Image result for pink armadillo

Stella: Oh, my hogs! I am so sorry, but we know what happened.

Harry: You do? How?

Pete: After you got Venus, we thought it would be fun to pretend to order things online with our own Venus.

Stella: So, we told “our” Venus to order a few things. We never thought it would interfere with your real Venus.

Harry: It shouldn’t have. That’s ridiculous.

Pete: I agree. But it’s the only possible explanation.

Harry: You’re probably right. Well, it’s a good thing that we decided to get rid of Venus. It’s bad enough that she was listening in on what we say. But she was spying on you too.

Stella (laughing): It’s a good thing Pete and I weren’t very imaginative when we were playing around. You might have ended up with a 4-foot pink armadillo pillow.

Vivian: I guess it’s back to Prickles and Quills for us.

Image result for hedgehogs at home meme

 

18

O, Give Me a Home – Part 2

Image result for bison home

Where we are: The Bison family is going to Wyoming to see Jen’s brother Bruce. Bruce has advised them to take the train. John has just discovered that his family will be sharing their space with two jackrabbits. You can read Part 1 here.

John explained the situation to his family and they returned to their car. He opened the door quietly and saw the jackrabbits asleep in the corner. The bison entered, trying not to make any noise. They put their things down as the train started to move.

 The adults settled in for a nap, and JJ went to explore the train. After a couple of hours, his parents joined him, and they went and got something to eat. While they were eating, they watched the scenery.

Image result for railroad dining car food

JJ: Isn’t this great, Dad? We just sit here, and the train does all the work.

John: I guess you’re right. This is a lot better than walking.

Jen: I’m glad you like it.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. The next afternoon, the train pulled into their station.

Jen: While you and JJ get our luggage, I’ll go find Bruce.

John: If you do, it’ll be the first time he’s been where he’s supposed to be.

Jen: Be nice, John. Remember, he invited us to stay with him.

Image result for railroad station

John: I’ll try.

She goes outside, but doesn’t see Bruce. John and JJ join her.

Jen: I can’t find him anywhere. You look. Maybe I missed him.

John: He’s a full-grown male bison. How could you miss him? I’ll call him.

On the phone:

John: Bruce, it’s John…I’m fine. We’re at the station waiting for you…Yes, it’s today…Today IS Thursday…Of course, I’m sure…I have no idea where you live…No, it’s OK. If we get lost, I’ll call…All right. See you soon.

To Jen:

John: Your brother is an idiot. He thinks today is Wednesday. He told me I was lucky he answered the phone. [snort] He’s lucky he answered the phone.

Jen: Is he on his way?

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John: He said that he was bathing and gave me the directions. It’s probably safer that way.

They followed Bruce’s directions and found a nice shelter in a meadow.

Bruce: Sis! It’s great to see you! Beautiful as ever. JJ, almost a bull! John, it’s been a long time!

John (thinking ‘not long enough’): Good to see you. What have you been up to?

Bruce: Funny you should ask.  I have exciting news. I was cleaning up because I’m going to be in a commercial.

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JJ: Really, Uncle Bruce? What kind of commercial?

Bruce: It’s for hoof wax. They should a handsome buffalo with ugly hooves. Then his feet get waxed, and it’s a handsome bison with beautiful hooves.

JJ: You’re the handsome bison?

Bruce: Not exactly. I’m the hooves.

JJ: Oh. Why can’t they use the other guy’s feet?

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Bruce: He has really, really ugly feet. He survived a nasty fungus, but his hooves were ruined.

Jen: So why can’t you be the handsome bison?

Bruce: This guy’s been their spokes bison for a long time. People know his face.

John: You’re going to be Hardwax Jack’s hooves? Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve actually found a job.

Bruce: Thanks, John. I hope I meet someone who sees how talented I am.

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John: Good luck. I hope it works out.

Jen: I’m so excited for you, Bruce! When does it shoot?

Bruce: Monday.

Jen: So you’ll have a few days to show us around.

Bruce: Sure do. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my real job.

John: You have a real job? Maybe it was a good idea for you to move out here. What do you do?

Bruce: I joined a herd out here. Really nice bunch. They needed a night watch bison. So I took the job.

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Jen: That’s great, Bruce. But bison sleep at night.

Bruce: That’s why the job was open.

Jen: How do you stay awake?

Bruce: That’s been a bit of a problem. I started by walking around, but that didn’t work out so well. When I stopped for my break, I fell asleep.

Jen: What are you doing now?

Bruce: The humans have something they call caffeine. In comes in coffee, tea, and soda. You drink it.

Jen: Bison don’t drink those things. It doesn’t sound like a good idea.

Bruce: It took some practice. Humans are kind of scrawny, so I needed to drink a lot. And it tastes awful. I swear, people will put anything in their mouths.

JJ: That sounds awful, Uncle Bruce. Did it work?

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Bruce: I think it would have. But I had to take so many bathroom breaks that I wasn’t much of a guard. Luckily, we live in a safe neighborhood.

Jen: So I’m right. It isn’t a good idea.

Bruce: Well, the coffee wasn’t. But the caffeine worked; I stayed awake. Now I take pills. The people stores sell them.

John: Don’t the humans think it’s odd to be selling to a bison?

Bruce: One of the small humans does it for me. I give him rides in exchange.

John: Do you work every night?

Bruce: Pretty much. I’m going to take off Sunday night to be ready for Monday.

Bruce goes to work and the family relaxes, tired from the trip. Jen decides to do some research on caffeine. She didn’t like her brother taking something meant for humans.

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Next week: Does Bruce really have two jobs? Can bison become addicted to caffeine?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.