Tag Archives: politics

15

Road Trip With the Tabbies

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Things are a little tense at home for Thomas Tabby. Thomas had seriously underestimated how much of his time would be needed as liaison to the humans. They had designed the position as a way for the animals address issues with their humans for those animals  who live with humans. Or work with humans. These animals are a small percentage of Cheeseland residents.

The first few incidents had gone so well that the mayor, Pauly Porcine, had started inviting Thomas to sit in on issues that were entirely animal-to-animal. Cheeseland loved Thomas; he was much more popular than Pauly. They also had not foreseen the recent lawsuit by a humans to get a job in Cheeseland. Thomas had been heavily involved in the entire process. And Tina Tabby was not happy.

Thomas: I’m home! Where is everybody?

Tina: The girls are asleep. They have school tomorrow.

Thomas: Rats! I didn’t realize I was that late.

Tina: It’s the second time this week.

Thomas: You remember that human who insisted on working in Cheeseland?

Tina: I thought that was settled.

Thomas: So did I. This morning I had to go over to the plant. Turns out he doesn’t like the smell of manure. He wanted to be transferred to a part of the plant that, in his words, “Didn’t smell like cow @*%#.”

Tina: What did he expect a fertilizer plant to smell like?

Thomas: Apparently, humans make some kind of fertilizer that doesn’t use animals. At any rate, he deeply offended some of his coworkers. We ended up with a meeting between the humans and the supervisor, who happens to be a cow.

Tina: Oh, my. That probably didn’t;t end well.

Thomas: It did not. Yvette, the supervisor, came in and the human started sniffing the air. He told her she smelled like the fertilizer, and he couldn’t stay in a room with her. They called security and escorted him from the premises. He won’t be back.

Tina: Maybe you can spend some time with your family now.

Thomas: Pauly has some things coming up that he needs me for.

Tina: I don’t care about Pauly. I’ve rented a car, and we’re going to the beach.

Thomas: Let me talk to Pauly.

Tina: Talk all you want. The girls are out of school in a couple of weeks, and we’re going to the beach. They want you to come too.

Thomas: That sounds really nice. I’ll see what I can do.

By the time Thomas got to the office the next morning, he still didn’t have a plan.

Sgt Stripes: Morning, Boss. You look terrible. What’s wrong?

Thomas: Tina wants me to go on vacation with her and the girls, but it’s at the same time as the mayor’s big beautification project.

Sgt Stripes: What’s the problem? You’re not involved with Parks & Rec or the anti-graffiti folks.

Thomas: He told the beautification team that they’re less important than the neighborhood safety team, and they’re all angry with him.

Sgt Stripes: Ouch. He can be a little outspoken.

Juana Iguana walked up.

Juana: I couldn’t help hearing what you guys were talking about. Has Tina already planned the trip?

Thomas: She rented a car and reserved a beach house upstate.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t know Tina could drive.

Thomas: She can’t. She got one of those smart cars that drives itself.

Juana: Is that safe? I’ve heard really scary stories about humans using those things. Maybe they should take a train.

Thomas: She wants to be able to get around after they get to the town. Are they really that dangerous?

Sgt Stripes: New technology is always scary. Especially when it involves humans.

Juana nodded. Thomas went to his office to think. A few minutes later, Pauly Porcine stopped by.

Thomas: Hi, Pauly. How are things?

Pauly: Not bad. I think the head of the Beautification project, Shelly Squirrel is talking to me again. At least she didn’t immediately hang up on me.

Thomas: That is a good sign. Speaking of the project, I may not be able to be here for the kick-off. Tina made reservations at Emerald Lake that week for a family vacation.

Pauly: Can’t she change them?

Thomas: Probably not. It’s a really popular place.

Pauly: Thomas, I really need your support on this. You know I’ve offended some of the animals working on it, and I need a smooth start. Talk to Tina and see if you can change her mind.

Thomas walked home in a gloomy mood. He knew he didn’t stand a chance changing Tina’s plans. Suddenly, he heard screeching tires. He looked up in time to see Tina drive past in a bright red car. She was headed for their house.

Next week: Can Thomas make both Tina and Pauly happy?

All pictures are generated by Gemini AI

28

Cheeseland Election: At the Polls

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Hello, everyone. This is Angel with the latest on the Cheeseland election.The closer we get to the election, the more excited the voters are. In fact, some say the emotions are a little too high. We’ve been hearing stories of arguments erupting at stores and school parking lots.

Right now, folks are gathering for a big Tabocracy rally at Chene Park. Let’s check in with our ace reporter, Sgt Stripes.

Angel: Hey Stripes! How’s it looking down by the river?

Sgt Stripes: This is going to be huge! There are hundreds of cats and other supporters here to hear the final speech before the election. There’s a lot of energy here. There are kibble vendors, kiosks selling Thomas Tabby drinking bowls and glasses, a fellow over here with Thomas Tabby signed posters.

Enlist Your Rock Star Team to Help You Rebuild from COVID-19 - Practice Life

Suddenly Sgt Stripes jumps back as a group of dogs race past. He follows them to the edge of the crowd where they join a larger group carrying “Vote for Remy” signs.

Sgt Stripes: Apparently we have some voters from the other side. I’ll see if I can talk to them.

10 Photos of Happy Cats To Brighten Your Day

Sgt Stripes starts to approach the group just as Thomas Tabby takes the stage. A massive purring sound greets him.

Thomas Tabby: Good evening everyone. It’s great to see so many of you. The time is now for a Tabocracy.

Heckler #1: It’s not a Tabocracy. You cats just want to run everything!

Heckler #2: Yeah. What are you going to do for the other animals?

Cat speaker on the podium" — image created in Shedevrum

Thomas Tabby: The first thing we need to do is to get the humans to understand the animal perspective. That will make it better for us all, not just the cats. I will set up meetings with the humans and include a variety of animals to get the best outcome. I would be happy to have Remy on the committee. HoH He seems like a good dog.

Heckler #1: Good dog? Good dog?! You’re making him sound like your pet. Show him some respect!

Polluted Pets | Environmental Working Group

Thomas Tabby: I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I simply thought he would be a good representative for the doggo perspective. I want to include as many animals as possible to make Cheeseland a better place for all of us.

Heckler #1: How big is this committee?

Heckler #2: And how many are cats. I bet –

My Dog and Cat Are Fighting – Help! - PD Insurance NZ

Suddenly there was a loud hissing as a Maine Coon jumped on the heckler. Someone tried to pull her off, Before long, there was a huge fight on that side of the crown. Thomas Tabby tried to calm things down.

Thomas Tabby: Calm down, everyone! We’re trying to find a middle ground so everyone wins. The humans are never going to treat us as equals if we fight like this.

Guard goose - Wikipedia

Unfortunately, the crowd was too loud to let anyone hear what he was saying. He waited while the security geese removed everyone who had been fighting. A much smaller crowd was able to listen to the speech Thomas had prepared.

Sgt Stripes: Well, that was unfortunate. At least no one was hurt.

Angel: Remember to vote everyone.

You can vote here

‘Pictures courtesy of Google Images

Voting courtesy of SmartPolls

2

At Sixes and Sevens

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I love this phrase because it’s just obscure enough that people think they should know what it means. (To be in a state of confusion or disarray.)

This post was intended to be about things that give me pause, but while checking on the phrase’s origin, I found some things to add to the list.

I had thought that the expression referred to numbers in a game of chance that were the riskiest and therefore led the gambler to some confusion about whether or not to make the bet.

That is true, but the better story comes from the possible second origin. I am still slightly at sixes and sevens about the whole thing.

England has something called an order of precedence for their livery companies. A livery company is a trade association and does not have anything to do with horses (which confused me very much the first time I read through the description of the dispute.)

The livery of Merchant Taylors (tailors) and the livery of Skinners were both chartered in 1327. They became the sixth and seventh trade associations in England. There is no surviving record of which was chartered first, but they started fighting about it almost immediately. Wouldn’t they have had to be chartered at the same place? Did someone bribe the clerk to change a date? The English were pretty fussy about their hierarchies.

It got so bad that in 1484 the Lord Mayor of London, Sir Robert Billesden, decided that at the Feast of Corpus Christi (how many know when that is?) the associations would swap places and feast in each other’s halls. It seems to be that skinners and tailors would attract a completely different type of crowd. Perhaps leg of boar one year and pheasant the next? Whiskey and mead? I love the mayor’s title.

The associations still swap places every year. They are still known as liveries. Both are part of the Great Twelve City Livery Companies (the top 12 in the listing). Sadly, the armor makers did not make the cut. English hierarchy remains alive and well in 21st century Britain.

One last note: the liveries maintain the word “worshipful” in their title (e.g., Worshipful Company of Fishmongers – #4). It’s not clear who they were worshipping, God or King. I think it was basically the same at the time. I would guess neither today. We just don’t have that kind of tradition here in the U.S.

Why do medieval English feasts always make me think of a bunch of people sitting around in the semi-dark eating greasy joints of some animal? Somebody there had to be eating the rest of it.

Moving on:

Was there anyone else whose first reaction to last week’s mega-storm on the east coast was to make sure it wasn’t going to hit them before it got to its destination? And be happy that it was going somewhere else?

Do politicians running for President get as tired of listening to themselves as the rest of us do? I think it should be like Family Feud: two candidates go head to head to see who can guess what Americans really want. Then they’ll know what they should promise (well aware that they won’t be able to do it.)

Why would someone come into a mega-store and ask whether we carry Amazon Fire Sticks? Do they not understand the concept behind Amazon?

Also unclear on the concept: the lady who returned her slow cooker saying that it cooked too slowly. (Yes, it did work correctly.)

If an airline can claim that they have arrived on-time even though they have to sit in queue for an hour and a half, why doesn’t that principle apply for arriving for the meeting they scheduled around your flight?

It’s ironic that they originally built Washington, D.C. on a swamp. I think some of the original residents may still be wandering the government halls.

I did not realize that there are Lego sets now that need to be locked down because they cost more than $100.

I think I need to buy one of the tablets they make for toddlers. They look totally indestructible.

How many kids appreciate (or can even see) the color gradations in a 156-color box of Crayons?

Why can you buy (really) inferior brands of chocolate at Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Easter that are not available the rest of the year? Is it just a sideline for a wax company?

Is your beloved cheap, broke, or chocolate-blind if he/she buys you one of those atrocities? Is it worse to be cheap or chocolate-blind?

Why can’t I find any cards to send for Groundhog Day?

7

Write What?

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I have noticed that several bloggers have written that the only way to get good at writing is to write everyday, regardless of other commitments. In fact, Ned over at Ned’s Blog went so far as to say that those of us who do not should be spanked (http://nedhickson.com/2013/11/01/regular-writing-can-shape-your-literary-thighs/). While I think this advice has more to do with Ned’s personal preferences than serious advice, the underlying advice is sound. Fortunately, a few others were a little more specific. For example, the Dysfunctional Literate talks about writing on a variety of topics (http://dysfunctionalliteracy.com/2013/10/13/5-rules-for-writing-every-day/).

What no one tells me, though, is what to write about if I really don’t have anything interesting going on in my life. Looking around, I see that some people do short stories/novellas. Since most of my (limited) spare time is spent with literature (yes,that stuff you hated reading in high school) and magazines such as National Geographic and Smithsonian, I am going to guess that my tastes in reading/writing are probably not the key to gaining more readers.

There seem to be a lot of advice columns out there. I could probably do that if I really knew anything about anything. My brain is more like Trivial Pursuit –  lots of cool facts without a lot to tie them together. I guess that hasn’t really hurt some of the people I have seen in the newspapers.

There are a lot of cooking blogs. Unfortunately, most of my cooking comes from looking around the kitchen and seeing what we have. I don’t know what it will taste like until I’m done. When I’m done, I have no way to recreate it because I didn’t measure anything and don’t really remember what I put in. I worry that there might be some kind of legal issue if I accidentally poison a stranger (no, it hasn’t happened at home).

I could write about my family. Only problem is that the humans would quit speaking to me and the cats can’t be counted on to be amusing. I could write poetry, but it really stinks. I could make fun of current events, but most of them succeed just fine doing it themselves. Same for politics. I could write about travel, except I don’t go anywhere. I don’t do photography. I draw a little, but how many plant drawings would people want to look at?

I TOLD you I was boring. Now that I think about it – maybe that has some potential.