Tag Archives: gorillas

16

Thanksgiving Presentation at Critter Cove Elementary School – Part 2

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Thanksgiving Foods That are Toxic To Cats - Cat Hospital of Tucson

Where we are – Timmy Tortie has given a presentation about human customs for celebrating Thanksgiving. The children decided that they would create their own Thanksgiving celebration to demonstrate the right way to do it. You can read Part 1 here.

Ms. Celeste: Welcome to the Critter Cove Elementary School Thanksgiving feast! Everyone was supposed to bring a dish to share and be prepared to share what they are thankful for.

Can Cats Eat Fish Bones? Are Fish Bones Safe For Cats? - CatTime

Timmy: I brought my mom’s special kibble. It has three kinds of fish.

Ms. Celeste: That looks delicious! And what are you thankful for?

Timmy: I’m thankful that she only makes it on special occasions because I have to help clean the fish.

Ralph Raccoon: That smells really good!

Pin on raccoons

Ms. Celeste: What did you bring, Ralph?

Ralph: I brought popcorn.

Ms. Celeste: Why popcorn? Is that a family treat?

Ralph: Every year, my family watches A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving together. And that’s what Snoopy makes for dinner. I’m thankful that my family spends time together.

Ms. Celeste: That’s a nice idea. Who’s next?

Will Those Holiday Leftovers Poison Your Cat? - CatGazette

Susie Siamese: I brought some turkey. It’s traditional for the humans, and I think it’s really yummy.

Ms. Celeste: Very nice, Susie. And what are you thankful for?

Susie: I’m thankful for supermarkets. Do you have any idea how hard it would be to catch a bird this big? And for my mom. She cooked the whole thing.

Ms. Celeste: Moms are pretty useful.

Wolf and his watermelon. : r/wolves

Jimmy Wolf: I’m next. I brought in some sweet potatoes and squash.

Ms. Celeste: Those look good. But I’m a little surprised. I didn’t realize that wolves ate things like that.

Jimmy: We don’t. I was really excited about the dinner and was talking about it with our neighbor, Mr. Jackson. He’s a deer. He suggested that since the class is full of carnivores that maybe some vegetables would be a nice change.

Ms. Celeste: That’s an excellent idea.

Jimmy: And I’m thankful that I have such a nice neighbor. He helped me pick out the food to bring.

One of Cheri's three as yet unnamed cubs discovering that … | Flickr

Belinda Bear: I brought berry pies. I thought that we should have something for dessert. And I love berries.

Ralph: Yum! I love pie. Did your mom make them?

Belinda: Actually, my sister helped me make them. Mom’s pretty traditional. She still thinks this time of year is for hibernation.

Ralph: Oh! So she’s sleeping full-time?

Belinda: She doesn’t do the full hibernation. She just naps a lot. She’ll be up for Christmas.

Ms. Celeste: And what are you thankful for?

Belinda: I’m thankful that I made it to school without eating the pies.

The class laughed.

Belinda: Actually, I’m thankful that my sister is smart enough to know how to bake.

Koko, the gorilla whose sign language abilities changed our view of animal intelligence, dies at 46 - Los Angeles Times

Tony Tabby: I brought in bananas.

Ms. Celeste: I’ve never seen a cat eat bananas. How did you decide on that?

Tony: I got them from my new neighbor. He eats them all the time.

Ms. Celeste: Who is your new neighbor?

Tony: A family of gorillas just moved in two doors down from me. One of them is named Java. He’s really friendly. And I was very thankful to learn that gorillas don’t eat kittens.

Ms. Celeste: Why would you ever think they might?

Tony: They’re huge. So it was scary at first.

Kittens eating together - YouTube

They sat down and enjoyed their feast. The children agreed that the humans definitely had one good idea: eating with friends was the best part of Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving from the Carriage Crossing Animal Hospital. | Animal hospital, Animals, Happy thanksgiving

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

19

Cheeseland Interview: George and Lenny

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bear at a computer keyboard | Bear, Animals wild, Black bear

Eva Bruin, cub reporter at the Critter Cover High School Weekly Clarion, is sitting down with our editors George and Lenny for their first interview. They are excited that for once they will be the story.

Mouse using mouse: pics

How did you start your careers?

George: I started out like you, Eva, on my high school paper. I was editor my senior year.

Lenny: Yeah. He took over from a guy who got eaten.

George: An unfortunate case of mistaken identity. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Blog - Difference Between Mice And Rats

Have you always been a team?

George: Actually, we’re cousins. We come from a close family.

Lenny: Our dads are brothers.

George: We grew up together and the job just sort of happened.

Lenny: Yeah. We’re like brothers. I’m the good-looking one. He’s the brains.

George: Aww. Thanks, Lenny.

cute-rat-mouse-eating-paper » Naijaloaded | Nigeria's Most Visited Music & Entertainment Website

What made you decide to come to Cheeseland?

George: I answered an ad on the MousterWorks job site for a blog editor.

Lenny: I saw it first, but they called George for some reason.

George: I actually sent them my resume, remember?

Lenny: Oh, yeah. I got frustrated with all the questions on MousterWorks. I think they might have closed my account, come to think of it.

Chilling gorilla lloking at mouse - Funny pictures of animals

Is it hard working with cats?

George: Actually, Cheeseland is a zero-tolerance workplace. We’ve never faced any discrimination.

Lenny: They do all of the hiring virtually. Cat didn’t know that we were mice until we did the final interview.

George: It isn’t really a problem. We have all kinds of animals here: raccoons, rabbits, a gorilla, cats, …

Lenny: And Cat has a strict “No eating family members” rule. We’re all considered family.

Two cute alligators | Two alligators of the Walter Zoo lying… | Flickr

Are there any interesting stories coming up soon?

George: We heard an interesting news story the other day. At Yellowstone, the humans want to have garbage cans that are too difficult for the bears to get into, but easy enough that any human can use them. Apparently, there’s a problem because some bears are smarter than some people.

Lenny: We want to go talk to the bears and get their side of things.

George: It’s also been awhile since we did a reptile story.

Lenny: We have quite a few alligator fans, so we’re putting something together for them.

George: We’ve had several requests for a hedgehog-friendly story too.

Can Cats Tell Time? - The Conscious Cat

What are the best and worst parts of your jobs?

George: Paws down, the best part of this job is the animals we work with. I have never been at a place that is so mutli-cultural. And everyone is so nice. Very low stress.

Lenny: And there’s no pressure to make things more human-centric. With a human owner, the blog could have run in an entirely different direction.

George: I guess the worst part is the deadlines. We like to keep things fresh, but sometimes it’s a struggle to get it out on time.

Lenny: If we could just find a non-human typist, it would be a lot easier…

happy mouse. | Smiling animals, Happy animals, Cute animals

Do you have anything you want to say to your readers?

George: Thank you for all your support. We couldn’t do it without you.

Lenny: Please try to think of mice as something other than a snack.

Find Your Own Bear - 24 Carrot Writing

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

24

The RHCCC: Auditions

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Image result for maine coons watching

The ladies of the Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove  were working on the annual fundraiser for the Crabapple Cove Center for Abandoned/Feral Cats. Fluffy was in charge of the dinner, and she had asked her friends Miki, Daphne, and Bella to come so she could get other opinions.

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One of the most important things to do was to set up the entertainment. They hadn’t been happy with their choice the previous year. It had been a troupe of dog acrobats. They were recommended by a friend of Bella’s at the library and their videos looked great. The night of the dinner, they told Fluffy that  one of the members was sick and they had brought a backup. The backup dog hadn’t performed in a while and mostly stood on stage looking confused. Several parts of the routine had to be scrapped. It was a disaster.

This year Fluffy had decided to hold live auditions rather than taking a referral. They had narrowed the field to three candidates who looked promising: a singing owl, a pair of ballroom-dancing bears, and a gorilla who played the piano.  

Image result for eastern screech owl cry

First up was the owl. She was smaller than they were expecting. That was a good thing since they did not want to scare the donors with a huge raptor in the house. No one had ever heard an owl sing before, but her video had sounded excellent.

Fluffy: What are you going to sing?

Owl: An owl love song.

Fluffy: Sounds good. Did you bring music?

Owl: No, it’s just me.

Fluffy: You can start whenever you’re ready.

Image result for cats hearing a loud sound

The owl cleared her throat and started making the most horrible sounds they had ever heard.

Bella: That’s worse than any cat fight I’ve ever heard.

Daphne: I’ve never heard anything like that down at the docks either.

Fluffy held up a paw to stop the owl.

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Fluffy: Honey, what type of owl are you?

Owl: I’m a screech owl. Why?

Fluffy: That singing was pretty bad. Are you sure that’s what you want to sing for an audition?

Owl (flustered): I’ll try another one. It’s an owl folk song.

Image result for cats hearing a loud sound

The cats sat back waiting for a melodic serenade. Instead, they got the same horrible sound as before. Once again, Fluffy held up her paw. 

Fluffy: Sweetie, that just doesn’t sound like the video you sent us. Do you have a sore throat or something?

Owl: Honestly?

Fluffy: Of course.

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Owl: I really wanted to perform here, so I had a nightingale sing on the video. I thought she would sound better.

Fluffy: That’s definitely true. But you must have known you would have to sing for yourself if you got an audition.

Owl: Yes, but I thought I would sounds better live and you would  like the song.

Fluffy: Let us talk it over. Please have a seat for a moment.

Image result for cats talking to each other

The cats whispered to each other.

Daphne: There is no way I am recommending her. She sounds like she’s getting ready to attack something.

Miki: I agree. She’s scary.

Bella: Sorry, but I can’t listen to her any more. She’s worse than the dogs.

Fluffy called the owl back to the stage.

Image result for frustrated cat meme

Fluffy: I just don’t think it’s going to work out. Some of our guests are pretty sensitive and it wouldn’t be right to have a raptor as our entertainment.

Owl: I understand.

She sadly walked off the stage and out the door. The ladies looked at each other in relief. Hopefully the other two acts would be better.

They were not disappointed. The bears danced a beautiful waltz, and the gorilla played Mozart. It was decision time. With the performers backstage, the cats discussed which one would be better for the dinner.

Image result for gorilla playing piano

Miki: I liked the gorilla. And I don’t think anyone would be intimidated by him.

Daphne: I really don’t think folks will be afraid of dancing bears. They’re very sweet when they talk.

Bella: Do we have enough money to hire both of them?

Fluffy: I could probably make it work. I’ll make up the difference if we’re short.

Daphne: Isn’t that going to be an awfully long program?

Image result for two bears dancing

Once again the cats conferred.

 Miki: I agree that we don’t want it to run to long. Do you think they might work together?

Bella: That’s a great idea.

Daphne: Are you sure you want to do that? They don’t even know each other. It might turn out like last year.

Fluffy: I don’t think we’re going to agree on which one to hire, so let’s see if they’ll work together.

Image result for bear with gorilla

She called all three entertainers back out and explained their idea. The bears and gorilla held a conversation among themselves.

Bear: We think it could work. We would need a recording of what we will be dancing to.

Gorilla: I can provide that. This idea actually is pretty interesting.

The bears nodded.

Bear: We really think it could be impressive.

Image result for bears dancing

They decided on a Strauss waltz. The gorilla sent the bears a recording of him playing the piece. They all got together several times before the performance.

Their hard work paid off. They were wonderful the night of the dinner. The night was a huge success; donors pledged more than they ever had. Afterwards, Fluffy thanked them for their performance.

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Fluffy: That was totally pawsome! Thank you so much for helping us out tonight.

Bear: It was our pleasure.

Gorilla: Actually, it worked out so well that we’re talking about working together in the future.

Fluffy paid them, and the three of them walked out together.

Image result for cats watching

RHCCC is supposed to run the second Saturday of the month, but our typist got confused. We bought her a calendar.

All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

12

The Animal Rights Coalition – Part 2

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Image result for group of animals

Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) has decided that they need to send a petition to the humans telling them how offensive they found the use of animals in a lot of the human insults.

Douglas Gorilla was ready to read the petition that his group had put together to the rest of the members.

Douglas: We spent quite a lot of time putting this together and would like the input of everyone else to make it as good as possible.

Image result for gorilla readinggo

Dear Humans

We would like you to reconsider your usage of animal names in your insults. For example, “hairy as an ape,” is not considered an insult in our world. We would appreciate you not using it in such a manner either. There are many other examples of problem phrases.

Image result for snake in the grass meme

We feel that such insults stereotype us, generally in a negative way. You use “snake in the grass” to define someone who looks harmless, but can’t be trusted. Snakes live in the grass because that’s a logical place for someone to be who doesn’t have feet or legs. They only feel threatened if someone comes near. Humans with big feet and boots are especially scary to snakes.

Image result for cat high five

We would be happy to work with you to create a list of more appropriate insults at whatever time and place is convenient for you. We will provide a translator, if you like.

You may respond to carabbit@arcanimals.org, We look forward to hearing from you.

 Sincerely,

Animal Rights Coalition

Image result for hyena

Douglas: We thought that everyone could sign so they know it’s a group effort.

Ida Hyena: I think it’s great. If I hear one more “laughing like a hyena joke,” I might have to bare my teeth in public.

Image result for dumb as a rock

Jeni Dodo: I agree. We could suggest that they could just use “dumb as a rock,” rather than “dodo”, it would be great.

Chester: All in favor of sending the petition?

The result was unanimous. They decided that they would deliver the petition by hand/paw. Chester and Chrissy Calico were chosen so the humans wouldn’t feel intimidated.

Image result for rabbit reading'

A few days later, Chester and Chrissy went to a human council meeting. They were stopped at the door.

Guard: This is a human meeting. No animals.

Chester: We just want to deliver a petition to your council.

Image result for animals in meeting meme

Guard: Let me check.

He called someone on his phone. Chester and Chrissy waited patiently. The guard explained the situation. They heard him say, “Actually, they’re pretty cute. Nothing dangerous at all.”

Guard: He said that you can’t go in, but I can take your petition and they will look at it after the meeting and get back with you.

Chester and Chrissy looked at each other. It seemed like there was no other option. They gave the petition to the guard.Image result for rabbit and cat

Next week: What will the humans do with the petition? Will they even look at it?

 

All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

 

 

8

The Animal Rights Coalition

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Image result for wild rabbit standing

Chester Rabbit called the quarterly meeting of the Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) to order.

Chester: Welcome everyone. We need to finish one item from our last meeting before we can move on to today’s agenda. We have to finish our discussion about how to address the human use of animal names as insults. The first thing we need to do is reopen the topic.

The animals started to talk among themselves. This item was very important to all of them and they were eager to get back to work.

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Buddy Squirrel: I move to reopen the topic.

Ralph Badger: I second the motion.

Chester: All right. How many in favor?

Paws and hands went up around the room.

Chester: How many opposed?

Dead silence.

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Chester: The motion passed. Ballou, please turn on the recorder.

Ballou Bear, whose mother was a huge movie fan, flipped the switch. It was so much easier to get started now that they could record rather than manually write down the notes. The simians had insisted on the purchase. They were tired of always being the ones to write.

Chester: The best way to start is to identify exactly what we mean by insults. Remember the rules: no talking over others, no arguing with someone’s ideas, and no intimidation. One idea per animal. If you choose to present multiple ideas, wait until after the others have had their turn.

The animals quickly lined up to speak:

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“catty/catfight” – Why is it that when two women say nasty things to each other it’s being catty? We’re not mean. But even worse, if they end up actually hitting each other, it’s a catfight? Everyone knows that most of us don’t fight, and if we do, it’s most likely the males.

“eat like a pig/act like a pig” – Where did we get the reputation that we’re sloppy and eat too much? We’re actually clean animals; we use the mud to cool off. And we don’t eat that much compared to what we weight. We’re this big because of the way we’re made, not because we eat too much.

“dog-faced/dog” – Why are we the standard for ugly? We’re just like every other species. Some of us are good looking, some not so much. But to classify all of us as ugly is just mean.

Image result for birds eating seed

“eat like a bird” – They say it like it’s some kind of eating disorder. We eat like we do because we have beaks. We can’t pick up a lot of food at one time. We eat all through the day; we need energy for flying.

“ugly duckling” – This insult is just rude. Why would you call someone’s child ugly? We know it’s because the baby swan didn’t look like the baby ducks, but that doesn’t mean it was really ugly.

“batty/bats in the belfry” – What makes us the standard for crazy? We fly at night, but so do owls, and they’re supposed to be wise. As far as hanging out in a belfry, it’s a good place to sleep. It’s high, it’s isolated, and the humans can’t get at us.

Image result for leopards

“a leopard can’t change his spots” – Of course we can’t. That would be like asking them to change their skin. Why does that get connected to people who can’t change their bad habits? Our fur is not something that should be changed.

“big as a cow” – we agree with the pigs. Just because we’re made a certain way doesn’t entitle humans to use it to insult other humans. Maybe they should be more like us and just accept each other.

“badger someone” – We’re persistent and thorough. How did that get translated into a person who becomes offensive trying to make a point? It seems like they don’t even understand how any of us really are.

Image result for cute badger

The other animals all nodded in agreement.

Chester: I think that’s a good start. Now we need a few animals to draft our petition to the humans. Is anyone interested?

A bear, two gorillas, and a beaver all agreed to work on something.

Chester: Does anyone want to schedule an extra meeting for next month to decide what our next steps will be?

Douglas Gorilla: So moved.

Ballou: Second.

The motion passed.

Image result for gorillas writing

Next week: Do the animals think the petition is ready to go to the humans?

20

Why There is No Animal World Cup

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Image result for animals with balls

We have noticed a lot of human interest around something called the World Cup. It is supposed to be the most watched sporting event in the world. We were a little confused at first. We call it soccer over here, but everyone else calls it football. Which kind of makes sense. A bunch of sweaty men play it with their feet.

After watching for a while, we noticed something interesting. The players use their feet and heads to move the ball. The only one who can use his hands is someone called a goal tender.

Image result for animals playing soccer

This was the perfect game for animals! We have paws or hooves, not hands. So why wasn’t there an Animal World Cup?

We went to the source of all information, Google, and typed in “Animal World Cup.” The only thing there was a bunch of sweaty men playing soccer/football.

Image result for animals playing soccer

We tried “Animal Soccer/Football” and got local youth leagues. “Professional Animal Soccer” got no results. How very strange.

We sent our reporter Freddie Ferret out to find out what was going on. Here’s what he uncovered:

Animals have always played a game similar to soccer. It was most popular in places with large fruit or vegetables that could be used as a ball. Players were ejected for eating the ball.

Image result for animals playing soccer

The main rules were that players could only use their head and paws to move the ball. The “goalie” was allowed to use his entire body to stop the ball. The games would start at mid-afternoon and end at dusk.

For years, the animals played soccer uneventfully. However, one day the gorilla coach had an idea. His players had only been using their hind legs to play. Why not try using the front ones?

The idea was brilliant. The gorillas were unbeatable. The other animals sued to keep the gorillas from using their front paws.

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“That’s not fair! You’re using your opposable thumbs. You can hold onto the ball.”

“The rules say we can use paws. These are paws.”

The judges weren’t sure what to do. Technically, the gorillas were right; they were using their paws. Realistically, the other animals were right; opposable thumbs made the paws closer to hands.

Image result for animals playing soccer

The judges went with the rules. The gorillas’ paws were allowed. However, they reminded the other animals that there was no rule about only having one species on a team.

Every team tried to get at least one gorilla to join them. Of course, there were not enough gorillas for all of the teams. So the teams tried to lure them with bananas, ants and other treats.

Chimpanzees and other animals with opposable thumbs were also in high demand.  Teams had to hide their prized players or another team would bribe them away.

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Soccer wasn’t fun anymore. All the focus was on the star players. Soon the other animals wanted to ban any player with opposable thumbs or force them to play in their own league.

Simians, pandas, koalas, and possums were outraged. They claimed species-ism. They all went back to court. This time the judges determined that there was no fair way to answer the question and banned all competitive soccer between adult animals.

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For a while, the animals grumbled and blamed each other. As time passed, they decided that the judges were right. They shouldn’t fight each other over a game.

It passed down from generation to generation that animals only played soccer for fun. Before long, it wasn’t questioned. It just was.

Image result for cats with soccer balls

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

(For the record, the trophy for the winner of the World Cup looks nothing like a Cup.)

15

Cheeseland Police Blotter

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Like every other community, we have some crime here in Cheeseland. Below is a summary of what happened during the week ending April, 27, 2018. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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Gorilla charged with assault. Alice G., a mountain gorilla, was dining alone when she saw a giant banana walking toward a table. “It just looked too delicious to ignore,” Alice reported. Allegedly, Alice walked over to the banana and tried to peel it. Unfortunately, the “banana” turned out to be an actor auditioning for a part in a commercial. The actor thought he would impress the director by appearing in costume. Alice has a court date on May 11. No word on whether the actor got the part.

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Raccoon charged with breaking and entering. Rocky, a neighborhood raccoon, was walking down the street when he smelled a delicious aroma. “It smelled just like my wife’s stew,” according to Rocky. Entranced by the smell, Rocky allegedly jumped in the window and sat at the kitchen table. In his rush, Rocky knocked over three plants and a television. Unfortunately, Rocky also didn’t notice that he wasn’t entering his own house. The owner said that Rocky had made the same mistake on two other occasions, and this time they were going to press charges. Rocky has a court date on May 8.

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Koala charged with driving under the influence. Danny K., a koala bear from nearby Critter Cove, was stopped by the police for weaving in and out of his lane while he was driving. When he got out of the car, police allegedly smelled eucalyptus on his breath. “Hey. No worries; it all natural,” Danny is reported to have told the police. The police took away his keys and drove him home. Danny has a court date on May 10 and faces the possibility of losing his license.

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Cat charged with trespassing. Oscar C., a large Maine Coon, was out for a walk on a hot day when he became extremely tired. Being an exceptionally furry cat, he looked for a shady place to nap.  Oscar found what he says he thought was an abandoned tree house. He woke up to hissing and spitting from the feline owners of the house. Currently there is a restraining order keeping Oscar at least two blocks from the tree house.

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Magpie charged with theft. Maggie M., part of the notorious Henry Magpie crime family, is accused of breaking into several houses and stealing jewelry. Maggie does not deny that she took the jewelry. She is claiming that, as a magpie, she is naturally drawn to shiny things. Maggie has used this defense successfully on several occasions. Prosecutors are requesting a hearing before a judge rather than a trial by her peers.

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Donkeys charged with creating a public disturbance. Joe and Jack, two donkey brothers, went to a theater to see the latest Superhog movie, a comedy about pigs pretending to be superheroes. The brothers sat in the last row of the theater and munched loudly on their straw salads. Once the movie started, the brothers began to bray and talk to each other. One patron said she couldn’t even hear the movie over the braying. After several requests to quiet down, the ushers escorted the donkeys out of the theater. The donkeys protested that braying is how donkeys laugh. One patron has filed a complaint against the brothers. They have a date with an administrative law judge on May 18.

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Parrots charged with using profanity in public.  A group of parrots were enjoying a day at the park. It was a beautiful day and the park was crowded. A small squirrel ran up to her parents and asked what *&#@# meant. The parents were appalled and asked her where she heard such language. She pointed at the parrots. The squirrels went to the park ranger who told the parrots that they couldn’t use that language in the park. Allegedly the parrots told the ranger that they had learned the words from the humans. The ranger told them it didn’t matter where they learned the words, they had to leave. She also gave them a citation with a court date of May 4.

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all pictures courtesy of Google Images

0

One Last Look at the Animal Olympics

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(Words in italics are translated at the bottom.)

The sloth 10-meter race was amazingly quick this year, coming in at less than five days for the first time in Olympic history. The winner, Maria Perezoso of Costa Rico, said that she credited her intensive training regime with moving vines for her victory. She also said that the climate in Rio was similar to that at home which helped her breathing.

One of the best ideas this year was to separate the gorilla gymnastics from the rest of the competition due to the weight differences. After the tragic accident in London where John Gorilla misjudged his landing and fell on the monkey team practicing on the next apparatus, there was no question that something had to be done. This year’s competition was thankfully accident-free.

The biggest upset of the year was the victory of Lin-Lin Panda in the 20-meter tree climb, beating heavily favored A. M. Biri. Mr. Biri is challenging the results. The Olympic Committee is awaiting drug-testing results before making a decision.

Once again, Russian bears won all of the wrestling medals: Igor Obez’yana – gold; Sergei Obez’yana – silver; and Petya Obez’yana – bronze. The Canadian Alan Brown Bear ended in fourth place, the best result for a non-Russian bear in the last eight years. Russian cubs are taken into training when they are four months old, which probably accounts for their dominance. Unfortunately, there is some impact on social development and these bears rarely mate.

As expected, Samuel Duma dominated the short running events. His only real competition was I.A. Duma, his training partner. Hando Paa came in third, undoubted aided by the cheetah who was close behind. Mr. Paa said that instinct took over and propelled him to his bronze medal.

The long-distance running events took an unexpected turn when Dubai entered several camels in the races. On the hot track, Abraham Jamal easily outpaced his competition. Ishmael Jamal took the silver. Alexander Kudu from the African savannah was the third-place finisher. The camels will be definite contenders going forward. The other competitors found them rather rude and almost mean.

Unfortunately most of the swimming events had to be cancelled. When the water was tested prior to the first race, the officials found a significant amount of chlorine. Suspicion immediately focused on the Russians whose Siberian tigers had been disqualified due to failed drug testing. The tigers had been heavy favorites to win several events. The other theory is that the maintenance crew had been given the human requirements by mistake.

The other animals laughed at the idea of the hippos entering a team in the water polo competition. No one is doubting now that they have won the silver medal. Their style is definitely unorthodox, using their snouts to propel the ball. Their coach, Jonas Kiboko, credited the team’s desire to prove the critics wrong for the strong showing. Unfortunately, the elephant team ended the hippos’ run. Their long trunks provided superior accuracy, and the team went on to win their fifth consecutive Olympic gold medal.

Overall, the games were a huge success. Now the animals can relax until their human counterparts are finished and provide them with a ride home. Unfortunately, the animals lost their petition to attend the human games. Apparently the cheetah eating the capybara early in the games has led some humans to fear for their own lives. For their part, the animals are hoping that there are no hunters on the human side.

 

Spanish – sloth, Hausa – gorilla, Hausa – monkey, Russian (transliterated) – bear, Swahili – cheetah, gazelle, Arabic (transliterated) – camel, Swahili – kudu, Swahili – hippo (Translations provided by Google. The African translations are limited by the number of languages available.)

 

0

Animal Crackers

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A jilted, angry young man named Brian

Searched afar for a world-famous lion.

He hoped the hungry beast

On his girlfriend would feast.

“He’s really tasty,” slurped the young scion.

 

A lovesick beaver built a great dam

To win the heart of his true love Pam.

Dad wasn’t impressed.

“Get rid of that pest.”

So the beaver, with Pam, had to scram.

 

Watching a cat sleep in a sunbeam,

Who can doubt that she really does dream?

She’s ruling the world,

Or on a lap curled.

Or nibbling a mouse dipped in some cream.

 

A big announcement was due at the zoo.

The exact details no one really knew.

The secret was kept

From all by the vet.

Of the birth of the first caribou-gnu.

          (perfect couple)

 

Bison and buffalo, what do you think?

He asked his friend as they went for a drink.

She said we can’t mate

When I asked for a date.

It’s not like I’m an Australian skink!

        (imperfect couple)

 

You don’t look like a great ape to me.

Why, you can’t even swing from a tree!

You can blame my school

They thought it quite cruel.

We might damage a branch, don’t you see?

(all images courtesy of Google Images)

6

Doggy Doggerel

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They’re not all about dogs, but I couldn’t resist the title.

 

There once was a dog named Jerome,

Who chewed up the neighbor’s best gnome.

The neighbor was mad

Jerome was so bad,

He now chews his gnomes up in Nome.

 

An aardvark was feeling some stress,

That his love life’d become such a mess.

He’s been dating a twin,

But the trouble he’s in –

He bought the twin’s twin a new dress.

 

Gorillas love termites, you know.

The teens thought they’d put on a show.

They sat by the hill

Being ever so still

While their rivals’ envy did grow.

 

My pet armadillo named Rusty

Noticed he’d become rather musty.

He went out for some air,

Rolled in sand while out there;

Now Rusty is dusty not musty.

 

Have you been to the animal fair?

My friend the platypus took me there.

He poisoned a child,

Was sick on a ride,

Got kicked out when he pummeled that bear.

 

The sloth was so late for his date,

The girl thought she just didn’t rate.

She cried for a while.

Then with a smile,

She went out and found her true mate.

 

And now you know why I never claimed to be a poet.