Tag Archives: protests

15

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans?

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Hello. It’s Angel reporting to you outside of Cheeseland City Hall. Something unprecedented is going on inside. From what we’re being told, a human has filed a lawsuit against the city for discriminatory practices in hiring. We’re waiting to learn more about this unusual development.

There was a small group of animals surrounding Angel as she spoke in front of a camera. Soon Sgt Stripes, head of communications, walked up to Angel.

Angel: Hello Sgt Stripes. Can you tell us what’s going on with the lawsuit?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure that I can. As far as we can tell, Cheeseland has never had a lawsuit before.

There were murmurs from the crowd.

Squirrel: Should have known it would come from a human.

Angel: We had thought that having a liaison with the humans would avoid this type of thing. Can you tell us what went wrong?

Beaver: I knew it was a bad idea to trust the humans.

Husky: Me too. I thought we should just ban them from Cheeseland.

Grizzly Bear: One of them turned my great-grandpa into a rug.

Fox: And they think that foxes are for making fur coats.

The crowd was growing and getting more agitated.

Sgt Stripes: Calm down everyone. No one wants this to turn into something ugly.

Angel: So how is Thomas Tabby going to handle this. He is the liaison to the humans.

Sgt Stripes: Thomas is reviewing the allegations with Cheeseland’s top attorney, JJ Gorilla.

Lion: That’s good news. He’ll know what to do.

Meanwhile, Thomas and JJ are meeting in Thomas’ office.

Thomas: We have to fix this. We said that our relationship with the humans would improve. Now they’re suing us.

JJ: Don’t get so excited, Thomas. It’s just one humans. They do this kind of thing to each other all the time.

Thomas: Really? I’ve never heard of an animal doing that.

JJ: That’s nothing. You should see what they do when they loan each other money.

Thomas: Maybe they don’t really like each other.

JJ: I’ll never understand them.

Thomas: Did you read what the human said? What’s his name?

JJ: David Mason. He says that he’s applied for three jobs with the city and hasn’t gotten any of them.

Thomas: Why would he want a job here? He’d be the only human.

JJ: Apparently, he’s been having trouble finding a job in the human sector and thought he’d try Cheeseland.

Thomas: What jobs did he apply to?

JJ: That’s the odd part. It looks like he’s interested in positions that work with the public, and our public is overwhelmingly non-human. We’re very animal-centric.

Thomas: What did he want to do? Is he even qualified?

JJ: I would say, technically, yes. For example, he want to work at the front office at the municipal ice arena. There’s no reason why a human couldn’t do it.

Thomas: Except humans aren’t considered cold-weather animals and some of that population can’t work anywhere else.

JJ: But does that make them any more qualified?

Thomas: I think so. The ice arena runs very smoothly. What else did he apply for?

JJ: Two jobs at City Hall. One answering the main phone line and one in Parks & Rec.

Thomas: Does he speak Animal English or Ur Animal? Many of our constituents don’t speak anything but their native tongue.

JJ: He says he knows that everyone at City Hall has an AI translator in case there are communications issues.

Thomas: You know that we prefer not to use them. AI was created by humans and doesn’t really work well with animal dialects. He’d have to be hooked in the entire time he’s at work. That is not a good idea. Who knows what he’d say without knowing he’d said it?

JJ: The hearing is next week. What do you want to do?

Thomas: Set up a meeting with the Director of Hiring. Find out why he wasn’t chosen. Hopefully, it wasn’t just because he’s humans.

JJ left the meeting and went outside. There was a large group of animals protesting against humans in Cheeseland, The TV crew was filming everything. It wasn’t going to be easy proving there wasn’t an anti-human bias. He’d have to think of something else.

(Ed. Note: Apologies to Sgt Stripes and Angel fans. We couldn’t figure out how to get their pictures right in Gemini. We’re going to keep working on it.)

Next week: Can JJ defend Cheeseland’s hiring practices?

20

The Gator Family vs the Homeowners Association – Part 2

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Where we are: Following an inspection from their Howeowners Association (HOA), Stu and Amanda Gator have received citations for seven violations. Apparently a new board was recently elected, and they want to focus on keeping the subdivision as uniform in appearance as possible. Stu was furious. He talked to some of his friends and neighbors. All of them had complaints.

Josey Black Bear: Did you know they have rules against having dead wood in your yard? We can’t teach our kids how to make a decent den without branches and trunks.

Eddy Black Bear: Yeah. We’re not supposed to dig holes in the yard either.

Stu: Not even your backyard?

Eddy: , That’s what they said. They’re dangerous and detract from the aesthetic of the neighborhood.

Stu: What’s that supposed to mean? It’s a subdivision full of animals. We’re not supposed to act like animals?

Josey: Rumor has it that the new president of the HOA used to live near humans and that’s where he got the idea.

Bucky Beaver: I guess you heard that we have to take down our dams. They’re considered an “eyesore” by the HOA.

Stu: What do they want you to have instead?

Bucky: They suggested we take out a permit to put in a fish pond.

Stu: You guys don’t eat fish, do you?

Bucky: No, we don’t. But it wouldn’t matter if we did. The pond is only for looking at, not for raising food.

A few of the neighborhood ladies stopped by to talk to Stu.

Germaine Gazelle: They told me I’m only allowed to have two colors of flowers in my garden.

Stu: Which two?

Germaine: They don’t care as long as there’s only two.

Cindy Calico: And no flowering shrubs.

Stu: Why not?

Cindy: I’m not sure, but all shrubs need to be green.

Stu: they told me I wasn’t allowed to have more than two.

Cindy: That’s right. One on either side of the door. They don’t want the front to look cluttered.

Pauline Poodle: They are making us paint or side our house a new color. They don’t allow forest green.

Stu: I don’t think they want anything that’s not living to be in green. What colors do they allow?

Pauline: White, beige, and brown. And only red brick.

Jeffy Zebra: And they won’t let me hang the flag from my school anymore either.

Stu decided that they needed to do something. He sent a message to the homeowners’ chat page telling them to meet at his house on Tuesday so they could march to the meeting together.

Amanda: I don’t know, honey. It sounds like the goat might be right. We did sign the paperwork.

Stu: The paperwork was drafted by a human for humans. That weasel in charge is trying to force us to do things that are against our nature.

Amanda: You don’t need to call him names.

Stu: I’m not calling him names. His name is Erskine Weasel. And he used to live with humans. So he has their weird ideas about how we relate to nature. Just because we live in a subdivision like humans do, doesn’t mean we have to act like them. Are you with us or against us?

Amanda: You know I’m always with you.

It was an hour before the meeting, and no one had shown up. Stu was pacing around, getting nervous. Bucky Beaver was the first to arrive, followed by the bears and the cats. By the time they left, there were thirty families represented. As they marched down the street, the waved signs and shouted.

Stu: What do we want?

Animals: Freedom to be animals!

Stu: Whose houses?

Animals: Our houses!

Stu: Whose rules?

Animals: Our rules!

Stu: Who decides?

Animals: We decide!

Erskine Weasel had heard that there might be a few unhappy homeowners at the board meeting. He asked the members to arrive early so they could strategize. The board met for an hour before the start of the meeting. The members were the inspectors Maxine Cow and Effie Goat, as well as Jimmy Gerbil and Janelle Jackrabbit. They were all administrative types, not eager for confrontation. They heard noise outside.

Jimmy: What’s all that noise?

Erskine: Let me see.

He opened the door.

Erskine: Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness gracious.

Maxine: What’s out there?

They all got up to look. They saw a large group of very angry animals coming towards them.

Jimmy: I did not sign up for this. My job is to organize potlucks and bingo.

Janelle: My job is to take notes at meetings.

Maxine: We all agreed to enforce the Homeowners Agreement. We knew there would be some unhappy animals.

Effie: Not this many and not this angry. What are we going to do?

Erskine pushed everyone back inside and locked the door.

Erskine: They need to put their requests in writing. This meeting is now closed-door.

They could hear the angry animals on the other side of the door.

Next week: Will Orchard Bluff become an orderly, uniform subdivision?

Images are AI-generated using Google Gemini