18

Mac the Magic Mouse

cat studying - Perth Cat Hospital

Jerry was getting more and more frustrated with his algebra homework.

Jerry: Who cares which train is getting to Topeka first? I’m a cat, for crying out loud. We don’t even ride trains.

He was starting to doodle on his paper when he heard a slight rustling in the corner. Naturally, he had to see what was making the noise. He stalked over and sat in a crouch, waiting.

How to Deal with Mice in the Walls - Bob Vila

Suddenly, he pounced and came up with a plump mouse.

Mouse: Put me down!

Jerry was startled. He dropped the mouse and put his paw on its tail.

Mouse: That’s a little better. Now release me.

Jerry: I’m not going to release you. You’re just the right size for a snack.

150 Adorable Pet Mouse Names | LoveToKnow

Mouse: You can’t eat me. I’m Mac the Magic Mouse.

Jerry: Right.

Jerry started to scoop up the mouse.

Mac: Stop! I can prove it! Have you ever met a talking mouse?

Jerry:  Dude, we’re cats. Most mice aren’t dumb enough to come into our house.

Can cats do logic? | plus.maths.org

Mac: Fair enough. I’ll prove I’m magic. Let me help you with the math.

Jerry hesitated. Mac did look really tasty. But it seemed rude to eat someone he had been talking to. Besides, he didn’t want to spend all night with the stupid trains.

Mac: OK. This train from Newark is going to get there in 6 hours, but the one from Phoenix would only take 4.5 hours.

Jerry: Are you sure? Or are you just trying to get away?

Mac: Of course I’m sure. What’s next?

Cute cat and mouse friendship 2 years apart - Imgur

The little mouse worked on the math for several minutes before Jerry’s mom called him for dinner.

Jerry wasn’t sure what to do with Mac. He had never heard of magic mice. What if he could escape?

Mac: Since you’re going to be eating, I’ll get going too.

Jerry: Sorry, little buddy. But I need you to finish helping me. If you’re really magic you’ll be useful for all sorts of things.

Cats as dinner guests | Worms & Germs Blog

Jerry put Mac in a drawer and went to eat. When he was finished with dinner, Jerry got the little mouse out again.

Mac: Am I dessert?

Jerry: Don’t be silly. I told you that I need you. Let’s finish the homework.

Mac quickly did the algebra. He was also helpful studying chemistry. The next day, Jerry discovered that Mac had done everything perfectly.

Jerry: You are magic! The teacher said it was the best work I’ve ever done!

I'm so glad to see you! | Excited cat, Cats, Crazy cats

Mac: I told you! Aren’t you glad you didn’t eat me? So I can leave?

Jerry: Of course not! Why would I release a magic mouse? What else can you do for me?

By the next afternoon, Mac was getting pretty nervous. He had been sure that he would be able to slip out while Jerry was at school, but the drawer was more secure than he realized. Jerry was being nice to him, but he was a cat. It was only a matter of time before something would trigger his natural instincts.

Jerry: Hi, Mac! Another great day at school! I think I’m beginning to get the hang of algebra. You really are magic! What else can you do?

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Mac: Umm. It’s nothing really. You just needed some confidence. You don’t really need me around. It’s probably time for me to get going.

Jerry: Don’t be ridiculous. I have big plans for you. The spring dance is in a couple of weeks, and I want to ask Buttercup. She totally ignores me, but I’m sure that you can get her to go with me. It’s pawsome having my own magic mouse!

Mac (smiling nervously): Sure, buddy.

Mac had no idea what to do, so he went back to his drawer and began to pace.

Adorable :): | Cute animals, Unlikely animal friends, Animals friendship

Next week: Will Mac be able to work some magic on Buttercup or will Jerry discover that he’s just a really smart mouse?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

 

22

You want to Bring Home a Dog??!!

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Don’t worry. We are remaining an all-feline household. Mom says that she is much too lazy to have a dog. And our human siblings are completely Team Cat as well. But Mom and our human brother were talking recently about how our human dad had wanted a dog several years ago.

Over 65 Unforgettable Dog Memes Hilarious Pictures Unleashed! | Funny  animal jokes, Funny dog memes, Funny animal memes

We had no idea there were so many kinds of dogs. Some definitely sound like better housemates than others. Lower energy and easygoing personalities sound the best to us. Mom would have insisted on a shelter dog, so we probably would have ended up with a goofy fur sib.

Why Does My Dog or Cat Have Bad Breath? - Bothell Pet Hospital

It got our furry brains wondering what life would have been like with a doggy sibling. First thing, it would have probably not have smelled as good. Dogs just smell – different. They probably smell fine to other dogs. But we’re cats – with cat standards. It’s hard enough dealing with some of the funky human smells.

dog shaming food Archives | 3 Million Dogs

And dogs eat – different. From what we’ve been able to read, some are not really very selective about what they eat, particularly about whether what they put in their mouths belongs to them. Or is even food.

21 Dogs Who Clearly Have No Idea How HUGE They Are

We probably would have had to fight for cuddle time too. It’s bad enough with just us cats, but imagine what it would have been like with something that considers itself “man’s best friend.” And it would have been bigger than us too. Humans are so hard to retrain; it would have been a nightmare.

funny-dog-cat-big-bed-jerk - Holidog Times EN

It probably would have taken even longer to train the dog. Even though dogs are obviously intended to be minion material, it would have been a lot of work.

14 Times Cats Tried To Blame Everything On The Dog (Memes) - I Can Has  Cheezburger?

On the other paw, it might have been nice to have someone to blame for stuff getting knocked over or broken. And it probably would have been tall enough to get stuff down for us. And maybe we could have ridden it…

17 Dogs That Are Completely Terrified of Totally Normal Things | Rolig  katt, Gulliga katter, Galna katter

Note: If any of you hear your humans talking about a canine baby, these breeds were mentioned in more than one place as good personality matches with cats: Basset Hound, Beagle, Bichon Frise, Bulldog, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Collie, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, Maltese, Papillon, Poodle, Pug, Shetland Sheepdog

Intensive online training courses in proofreading | Funny animal pictures,  Animals doing funny things, Cute cats

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

29

It’s Winter: Do You Have a Happy Cat?

Cats in Winter

It’s that time of year again in Michigan. Snowy, cold, and generally unpleasant. We know some of you are in the same situation, so we decided to research the best ways to keep us safe and warm in the winter. Please share this with your human.

Let's Talk About Ways To Keep Outdoor And Feral Cats Safe In The Winter -  CatTime

Yes, we get cold. Humans can get a little annoying about this point. Even with fur coats, most of us have a limit to how cold it can get before we feel it. If it feels cold to you, it probably feels cold to us too. And please don’t turn the heat down too far when you go to work.

Keeping Cats Warm in Winter | ThriftyFun

Ways to keep us warm:

  • Cuddle with us.
  • Give us a blanket or cat bed in a warm place. Older cats may need a heated bed to deal with arthritis.
  • Feed us nutritious food to keep our fur thick and fluffy.
  • Keep the house warm.

Cat Relaxing In Front Of The Fireplace

Don’t let us get too close to the fireplace or space heater. We are creatures of comfort and love being warm in the winter. But singed fur doesn’t smell good. And we could knock over the heater. Some of us are not as careful as we could be. (We are NOT clumsy.)

Scratching | Petfinder

We get dry skin in the winter, just like you. Check our skin once in a while, and make sure you brush us. If we are scratching or biting a lot, it probably means dry skin. If you’re concerned, call the vet.

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We can get fleas in the winter. Don’t stop whatever precautions you are currently using.

Is Your Cat Sleeping Too Much? Winter Could Be The Cause - CatGazette

It’s normal for cats to sleep more in the winter. Our internal clocks are guided by the sun, the same as yours. (We just admit that we want more sleep.)

Cat Standing In The Snow | Know Your Meme

Don’t forget us when you buy stuff in preparation for a storm. Make sure there’s enough food, treats, and litter. We get really cranky if we don’t eat.

Does Your Cat Have a Drinking Problem? - Catster

We still get thirsty. The air is drier, and we like our water. We also get cranky if we don’t drink.

Why Keeping Outdoor Cats Warm in Winter is So Important

Don’t forget if you let kitty go outside. We can get frostbite on our noses, ears, and paws. And it hurts. And don’t let us out if it gets extremely cold or a storm is coming. Yes, we will complain.

How to Care for Feral Cats During the Winter

Don’t forget the cats who live outside. If possible, set up a warm place for them to use. Provide food and water in somewhere sheltered; some place other critters can’t get at if possible. And check the water frequently to make sure it isn’t frozen.

Here's Why You Should Spend More Time Cuddling With Your Cats

Finally, don’t forget the extra cuddles! We can warm you up too.

How to keep outdoor dogs and cats warm in the winter - ExpressNews.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

27

Cat Etiquette for Humans

If cats could talk and do human things. | Funny cat pictures, Funny animal  memes, Cats

Fellow Felines: Please forward this post to your human.

It has recently come to our attention that there are some common human gaffes regarding how to interact with your cat. We know that you mean well, so we are here to help with a little advice.

cat teacher Memes - Imgflip

When your cat talks to you, learn what they are saying. It is annoying to wait while you ask about wanting to be let into the room, wanting cuddles, wanting food when it should be clear that we want you to move your stuff from our favorite cat tree.

How Do Cats Hunt? | Hunting Strategies & Techniques in Domestic Cats

If you see us chasing a mouse, don’t scream or try to help. That only startles us and gives the mouse a chance to get away. We will ask for help if we need it.

Lolcats - slippers - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words  on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

If we are relaxing in your slipper or using it as a sled across the floor, don’t tell us you need the slipper. We know it’s your slipper and you need to learn how to share.

Help, My Cat Eats Too Fast! 7 Ways to Slow Them Down - The Catington Post

If we are eating, do not make loud noises or insist on getting something that is in a space where we eat. Even if we do not jump (which you find hilarious for some reason), it is rude. You don’t want us on the table when you eat; give us the same courtesy.

There's An Actual Scientific Study Into Cats Playing Video Games

Don’t start playing with us to stop a couple of minutes later because “your show came on”, your phone dinged, or some other lame reason. We like to play, and want to do it for a while.

Why Cats Like to Sleep in Bed With Their Humans

If we are laying on “your” blanket or “your” chair, do not just dump us on the floor. Most likely, we were asleep. It is rude to wake someone up like that. After all, we are members of the family.

Cameras and Cats — Five Trends That Make Computer Vision Interesting Now |  Upfront Ventures

Do not insist on taking our pictures constantly. Particularly if you think we are doing something funny. Those pictures always end up on the computer, and your friends laugh and make fun of us. Sometimes we just like to chill and not have to worry about the paparazzi.

Nice job captain graceful! Have a nice trip? See ya next fall? -  Cheezburger - Funny Memes | Funny Pictures

Do not laugh at us if we slip or miss a jump. We are still tons more graceful than you ever will be.

We hope that you have found these tips helpful. Please talk to your cat if you have any questions.

Cute cats Archives - iHeartCats.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

14

Snoops and Kommando Kitty: Reality Check

Mom is always writing about how cats lead ultra-exciting lives – living with bears or saving human lives. We want to set the record straight. She has done absolutely nothing to make our lives that interesting.

Here is a summary of a typical day. (Mom works at night.)

These Pets Are Working As Alarm Clock - YouTube

9pm kicked out of bed by the alarm – it is loud.

9:35 after MAYBE receiving a few cuddles, Mom leaves us alone. (The young male human is in the house, but we almost never see him.)

Cute cats playing together public domain free photos for download ...

Chase each other around, get a snack of kibble and water, maybe play with some toys.

Go to sleep.

6am go on alert for Mom

I want someone to look at me the way these cats look at food ...

7:30 breakfast, litter box break

Sit with Mom while she eats and does computer stuff. Fight to get the closest seat.

9am go to bed with Mom

1pm Watch Cat TV

3pm cuddle with Mom, play games, maybe chase

Cat trying to sneak some chicken bird right off a plate. (With ...

5:30pm join humans for dinner, share if it’s something we like

6:30pm pre-work nap with Mom

REPEAT

don't look at me - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny ...

There is some variety:

  • Visit the inside porch
  • Hang out under the fan
  • Kibble and litter breaks
  • Bathing
  • Play.with the young male human
  • Chase mice or bugs
  • Other stuff we can’t remember

So my cat likes to look out the window. : aww

But Mom has never brought home a wild animal or taken us anyplace interesting. We think she makes all that stuff up.

All pictures not of us are courtesy of Google Images

10

Cat Forum: Living with a Hedgehog

On this edition of Cat Forum our two resident experts, Super Snoops (SS) and Kommando Kitty (KK) will answer questions regarding living with their somewhat unusual housemate, Horatio Hedgehog.

Host: How did you feel when the humans brought a hedgehog into the house?

SS: We didn’t know what it was. It looked like a gift for us that needed to be unwrapped to get rid of all the pointy things.

KK: But it smelled horrible. Not like any mouse I’d ever known.

Host: When did you find out what it really was?

KK: The male human was cuddling it. Can you imagine actually wanting to hold that?

SS: And he held it up to the female, and said it was an early Christmas present. She was all excited and told him how cute it was. No accounting for taste.

KK: We went on the computer and looked it up. It said African Pygmy Hedgehog.

SS: We wondered when it would be going back to the Africa Hedge.

KK: Soon we hoped. It smelled really bad.

Host: Did you try to make friends with it?

SS: I went up and tried to sniff it, but it totally ignored me. I put out a paw and it totally ignored me. I went a little closer. It was way too prickly to get close to.

KK: I looked from the distance. It was all rolled up and made funny noises. And it smelled …

Host: Yes, we understand. Hedgehogs smell bad. Did he sleep with you?

SS: They gave him a cage, so I didn’t have to worry about being attacked in the middle of the night.

KK: True. But it was a really nice cage. His exercise equipment was right there. Along with his food and his water.

SS: And he got really good food. Better kibble than us.

KK: And a heater.

Host: Did you try to make him feel at home?

KK (purring): Did you know they eat hedgehogs in some places?

Host: Moving on. Did he get in the way of cuddle time with your humans?

SS: Not really. Apparently hedgehogs like it warm, and the humans keep our house at cuddle temperature (as they like to call freezing). So he only came out at night.

KK: I don’t know why they bothered. All he did was sit in a ball and sound like he was going to explode. I don’t understand the appeal. You can’t cuddle it, you can’t play with it, and you can’t eat it. It doesn’t even look attractive all balled up.

Host: I imagine things have smoothed out a bit.

SS: Yes, he seems to have calmed down a little….

KK: And he almost ran away from home twice. I even had to rescue him one time. And they gave him a couple of baths. It was hilarious. The only thing funnier than a wet dog is a wet hedgehog. He tried to shake the water from his quills.

Host: Did I hear you correctly Kommando Kitty? You rescued him?

KK: Yeah. The idiot tried to go down some stairs. I stood guard over his lifeless little body until a human noticed. Turns out he wasn’t lifeless, he was sleeping.

Host: So things must be a little better.

SS: I watch from my cat tree. He appears to have bonded with the male human – my male human – rather than the female human – her human (motions at Kommando Kitty). He even ate out of my human’s hand. See if I ever eat out of his hand. (tail flap)

KK: Horatio does ignore my human now. Pretty good trick of hers – buy him worms and let the male human feed him. I still stay close to keep an eye on him, though.

Host: The three of you are living in harmony now?

SS: You could say that.

KK: Yeah. We don’t look up hedgehog recipes on the computer anymore.

Host: Well, I guess that wraps us up for this edition of Cat Forum. Come by the next time for a discussion of Baths: Evil Incarnate?