Where we are: Cheeseland has received notice of its first-ever lawsuit. The city is being sued for discrimination in its hiring practices. Cheeseland is being represented by JJ Gorilla, widely considered the best animal for the job. David (the human) wasn’t as lucky. He’s talking with a couple of friends.

David: Pete, you told me this was going to be easy. “How hard can it be? They’re just a bunch of dumb animals.” I can’t even find a lawyer.

Steve: Why not? It should be simple. Obviously, a human is more qualified than a polar bear to sell tickets at an ice arena.

David: You would think. But apparently that’s not true if the customers are all animals. They say that some of the animals are afraid of humans. I’m not sure, but I think they said rabbits and deer.

Pete: Did you tell them you’re not going to eat the customers?

David: The whole thing didn’t go well. When they said Animal English, I thought it would be like talking to someone with an accent. It was a really strong accent.

Steve: What are you going to do? Give up?

David: No. I think the animals need to see that humans deserve jobs too.

 

Steve: Are you going without a lawyer?

David: No, they’re required to give me representation.

Pete: Are you getting a gorilla too? Or a shark?

Steve: Or a snake? That would be cool.

David: Um, no. The free representation is provided by animals just out of school. And they’re trying to open the profession up to a wider variety of animals.

Steve: So what is it?

David: She’s a French Poodle. Her name is Abbie, and she’s really smart. She’s meeting with that gorilla this afternoon.

David’s friends laughed, and the conversation moved on. Meanwhile, JJ and Abbie were meeting.

JJ: Thank you for coming to my office, Abbie. The judge prefers that the two sides meet before the court date to see if they can find common ground.

Abbie: Of course. I can’t believe I’m in the same court case as JJ Gorilla. Your book on compromise is required reading at law school. You’re a big part of why we have so little legal conflict in Cheeseland, Mr Gorilla.

JJ: Please call me JJ. It’s very kind of you to say that.

 

Abbie: Do you think we can find a compromise? My client wants either a job or money.

JJ: Sounds like a human. Does he know that money isn’t really used in Cheesland the way it is in human cities?

Abbie: I tried to explain that working in Cheeseland probably wasn’t a good move financially because we do a lot of barter here, so he may not find a job in his expected compensation range.

JJ: And even if he wins his suit, he isn’t going to get a lot of money.

Abbie: Do you have any idea what he might Goget if he does win? I don’t think he’s really qualified to get a job where he talks to animals. I’m having a lot of trouble understanding him. He uses some type of human translator that isn’t very good.

 

JJ: Then he’s not actually qualified for customer service positions. We’ll assume he’s doing that human thing where they expect us to pay to have him not go around telling everyone how horrible it is to be a human in Cheeseland.

Abbie: You are correct. So how much would Cheeseland be willing to pay him?

JJ: He wants $500,000, which is totally ridiculous. We don’t really care if his human friends don’t want to come here. Luckily for him, animals are a little more ethical. We try to do the right thing.

JJ starts to work on his laptop while Abbie looks at the books in his office. After a few minutes, he invites Abbie over to look at his screen.

JJ: Since your client doesn’t really have a case, here’s what we can do. Fifty thousand dollars in cash, one year’s free pass to all Cheeseland municipal events and parks, and a lifetime supply of fertilizer.

 

Abbie realizes that she will need to speak to her client, and he will not be happy. She goes outside to present the offer. She comes back a few minutes later.

Abbie: My client has refused your offer. He says it’s either a job or he’s going to sue for $1 million.

JJ: Any type of job?

Abbie: Yes. He says that he has to have a job or he’s suing in human court.

JJ: That would be very unfortunate. Let me make a couple of calls. You’re sure he would take any job?

Abbie: That’s what he says.

JJ talks to a couple of animals while Abbie waits outside. She returns after JJ opens the door.

JJ: I have two job opportunities for your client. Can we call him together? I’ll link him into AnimalView.

Abbie called her client and nodded to JJ.

JJ: Hello David. I’m JJ Gorilla, and I’m representing Cheeseland. Can you understand what I’m saying?

David: Yes…you hear me?

JJ looked at Abbie. She nodded again.

JJ: I understand that you want a job in Cheeselabnd and will sue us if you can’t get one.

David: That’s correct. It’s my right as a human being.

JJ: Okay. I have two offers to choose from. If you take either of them, you need to sign a form saying you will not sue Cheeseland. Do you understand?

David nodded.

JJ: After reviewing your qualifications, we’ve found two jobs that match. You have to choose one of the jobs if you want to work here. You want to be treated exactly the same as the animals, correct?

David nodded again.

JJ: The first job is at the fertilizer plant. Your job would be in client relations for the human accounts.

David: That sounds pretty good. What’s the other job?

 

JJ: That one is on an apple farm. You would be responsible for building maintenance. It’s a pretty physical job, but you don’t really have to worry about talking.

David: The first job, definitely. Thank you for straightening everything out, Mr. Gorilla. Thank you, Abbie.

After the details were ironed out, JJ called Angel Cat to tell her she could report on the outcome of the lawsuit.

Pictures generated using Gemini AI