Tag Archives: vacation

14

Road Trip with the Tabbies – Part 2

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Where we are: Thomas Tabby was working very hard as the Liaison to the Humans, putting in a lot of overtime. Tina, his wife, was not happy. She had agreed to let him run for office, assuming it would be less stressful than being a Vice President at Cheeseland Savings and Loan.

The mayor, Pauly Porcine, has greatly expanded Thomas’ role since discovering how well he handles negotiations. Tina has book a beach vacation and expects Thomas to be there. Thomas is talking to his buddy, Sgt Stripes.

Thomas: Stripes, I don’t know what to do. Either Pauly is going to be mad or Tina’s going to be mad.

Sgt Stripes: Well, you’re only married to one of them. And Pauly didn’t hire you. You were elected.

Thomas: True enough. But I need to be able to work here for at least the next two and a half years. I really like this job.

Sgt Stripes: That is also true. And Pauly can be pretty brutal when he wants to be. He’s already gone through three assistants since the beginning of his term a year and a half ago.

Thomas: I heard that the cafeteria delivers his meals to his office. I wonder if they’re mad at him too.

Sgt Stripes: One of the lunch ladies, Evelyn, told me that he took a particular liking to the corn stew they serve every Wednesday. He was always the first one to the cafeteria.

Thomas: That’s not so strange. He just wanted to make sure they didn’t run out.

Sgt Stripes: If he’d taken a a serving or two, it would have been fine. He wanted the entire serving tray.

Thomas: Oh. That probably upset a few animals. I never paid any attention. I don’t like corn.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I just think he wasn’t taught sharing or listening.

Thomas: That’s too bad. He’s really good at the business side of being mayor, but he really needs to work on the social side.

Sgt Stripes: Still no luck on the vacation?

Thomas: Tina and the girls are leaving tomorrow afternoon.

Sgt Stripes: How’s the self-driving car?

Thomas: I don’t think Tina was meant to drive one of those. There are specific things you need to say to get it to do what you want. It talks a lot. It told Tina that it was going too fast for the road. She ignored it because she was running late and they ended up in the ditch.

Sgt Stripes: That was unfortunate. Was everyone okay?

Thomas: Yes, thank goodness. It doesn’t appear to enjoy being screamed at either. She gave it instructions to make a left turn at the intersection. When it started to turn, she started yelling, “Stop. Turn right. Turn right! Since it couldn’t legally turn right from where it was, it just stopped. The other drivers were not pleased.”

Sgt Stripes: Is it too late to take the train?

Thomas: She really wants the car. She wants me to drive it.

Sgt Stripes: Does it listen to you?

Thomas: I haven’t had any problems with it. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Pauly walks in the door.

Pauly: Greetings, boys. Anything important going on?

Sgt Stripes: We were just discussing Thomas’ vacation.

Pauly (puzzled): You mean the one his wife is taking to the beach.

Thomas: She still wants me to go. She’s having trouble with the car.

Pauly: She’ll be fine. I need you here when I meet with the Garden Club next week. They’re fighting with Parks & Rec over who gets to use the lot at Carlisle and Vine. Those ladies can be very stubborn. And they love Thomas. Have a good night.

Thomas: That didn’t go well. I guess I better tell my family that I can’t go.

When Thomas arrived home, the kittens ran out to meet him.

Thomas: How are my girls? Did you have a good day?

Emily: Yes, it was really exciting. We helped Mama pack for the trip.

Eva: And we packed for you too, Daddy. Mama said that you probably wouldn’t have time.

Thomas: Did Mama say I was going to drive?

Emily: Yes, she did. She says the car doesn’t like her. Today we almost ran into a cart at the grocery store.

Thomas: Would you be upset if I wasn’t able to come on the trip.

Eva: You have to come, Daddy. It’s a family vacation, and you’re part of the family.

Thomas had an idea. He told Tina that he needed to go to the office for an hour or two before they left. Then he called Sgt Stripes to make sure he would be in early.

Sgt Stripes: Hi, Boss. What’s up?

Thomas: I was thinking. You look a lot like me, right?

Sgt Stripes: Except for my extremely attractive white chest and paws.

Thomas: But from the back we look almost identical, right?

Sgt Stripes: I guess. Why?

Thomas: If you sat in here and worked with your back to the door, no one would think it wasn’t me. The first time we stop, I will call Pauly and tell him that I briefed you on next week’s meeting and you can handle it in my place. What do you think?

Sgt Stripes: It might work.

Thomas: I really need to go on that vacation. Pauly will be fine without me. You can call me if there are any problems. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Thomas explained who would be at the meeting and where the problems might be. Sgt Stripes listened. He sat at the desk facing the window after Thomas left. Within an hour, the Tabbies were on the road.

Next week: Can Sgt Stripes keep Pauly happy for a week?

All pictures generated by Gemini AI

17

Road Trip With the Tabbies

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Things are a little tense at home for Thomas Tabby. Thomas had seriously underestimated how much of his time would be needed as liaison to the humans. They had designed the position as a way for the animals address issues with their humans for those animals  who live with humans. Or work with humans. These animals are a small percentage of Cheeseland residents.

The first few incidents had gone so well that the mayor, Pauly Porcine, had started inviting Thomas to sit in on issues that were entirely animal-to-animal. Cheeseland loved Thomas; he was much more popular than Pauly. They also had not foreseen the recent lawsuit by a humans to get a job in Cheeseland. Thomas had been heavily involved in the entire process. And Tina Tabby was not happy.

Thomas: I’m home! Where is everybody?

Tina: The girls are asleep. They have school tomorrow.

Thomas: Rats! I didn’t realize I was that late.

Tina: It’s the second time this week.

Thomas: You remember that human who insisted on working in Cheeseland?

Tina: I thought that was settled.

Thomas: So did I. This morning I had to go over to the plant. Turns out he doesn’t like the smell of manure. He wanted to be transferred to a part of the plant that, in his words, “Didn’t smell like cow @*%#.”

Tina: What did he expect a fertilizer plant to smell like?

Thomas: Apparently, humans make some kind of fertilizer that doesn’t use animals. At any rate, he deeply offended some of his coworkers. We ended up with a meeting between the humans and the supervisor, who happens to be a cow.

Tina: Oh, my. That probably didn’t;t end well.

Thomas: It did not. Yvette, the supervisor, came in and the human started sniffing the air. He told her she smelled like the fertilizer, and he couldn’t stay in a room with her. They called security and escorted him from the premises. He won’t be back.

Tina: Maybe you can spend some time with your family now.

Thomas: Pauly has some things coming up that he needs me for.

Tina: I don’t care about Pauly. I’ve rented a car, and we’re going to the beach.

Thomas: Let me talk to Pauly.

Tina: Talk all you want. The girls are out of school in a couple of weeks, and we’re going to the beach. They want you to come too.

Thomas: That sounds really nice. I’ll see what I can do.

By the time Thomas got to the office the next morning, he still didn’t have a plan.

Sgt Stripes: Morning, Boss. You look terrible. What’s wrong?

Thomas: Tina wants me to go on vacation with her and the girls, but it’s at the same time as the mayor’s big beautification project.

Sgt Stripes: What’s the problem? You’re not involved with Parks & Rec or the anti-graffiti folks.

Thomas: He told the beautification team that they’re less important than the neighborhood safety team, and they’re all angry with him.

Sgt Stripes: Ouch. He can be a little outspoken.

Juana Iguana walked up.

Juana: I couldn’t help hearing what you guys were talking about. Has Tina already planned the trip?

Thomas: She rented a car and reserved a beach house upstate.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t know Tina could drive.

Thomas: She can’t. She got one of those smart cars that drives itself.

Juana: Is that safe? I’ve heard really scary stories about humans using those things. Maybe they should take a train.

Thomas: She wants to be able to get around after they get to the town. Are they really that dangerous?

Sgt Stripes: New technology is always scary. Especially when it involves humans.

Juana nodded. Thomas went to his office to think. A few minutes later, Pauly Porcine stopped by.

Thomas: Hi, Pauly. How are things?

Pauly: Not bad. I think the head of the Beautification project, Shelly Squirrel is talking to me again. At least she didn’t immediately hang up on me.

Thomas: That is a good sign. Speaking of the project, I may not be able to be here for the kick-off. Tina made reservations at Emerald Lake that week for a family vacation.

Pauly: Can’t she change them?

Thomas: Probably not. It’s a really popular place.

Pauly: Thomas, I really need your support on this. You know I’ve offended some of the animals working on it, and I need a smooth start. Talk to Tina and see if you can change her mind.

Thomas walked home in a gloomy mood. He knew he didn’t stand a chance changing Tina’s plans. Suddenly, he heard screeching tires. He looked up in time to see Tina drive past in a bright red car. She was headed for their house.

Next week: Can Thomas make both Tina and Pauly happy?

All pictures are generated by Gemini AI

17

A Very Gator Easter

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Everglades on Twitter: "Well, lookie here what we spotted roaming around the park today - A Florida Easter Bunny! Isn't he the cutest little thing?! 🐊🐰🥚🥕🌷🌻🌞 #evergladesholidaypark #easter #easterbunny #easterbasket #airboattour #everglades #

Granny Gator has rented a spot on South Padre Island, Texas for Easter weekend and invited the whole family for a vacation. Stan, Adele, and the girls have been looking forward to it for weeks. As much as they love South Carolina, it’s a little chilly for doing much outside during the winter.

Suzy: I am so excited! Only two more weeks until Texas! This is going to be great!

Justine: I know! I just got my special lotion to make my skin absorb more of the sun. I’m going to be like a heat magnet.

Adele: What are you talking about Justine? All you do is lie in the sun and absorb it.

Justine: I know. Mom. But this is supposed to make my skin absorb it better. I figured it would help me wake up from this semi-torpor we’ve been in.

Adele: Where did you hear about that?

Despite their thick skins, alligators and crocodiles are surprisingly touchy | Vanderbilt University

Justine: I saw it on GatorGram. A lot of the girls are using it. It’s supposed to make my skin softer and shinier too.

Suzy: You are so gullible. You really believe those ads?

Justine: I do. Here, let me show you.

Justine pulled out her phone and brought up an ad.

Justine: See. Just look at the before and after.

Suzy: That’s not an alligator. That’s a chameleon. And it’s shed its skin in the second picture.

Adele: Probably because the cream irritated its skin. You’re not using that.

Justine: Mom! That’s not fair.

Adele: Your skin is fine the way it is. You’re not using that cream. Some human probably developed it.

viral alligator photos | This alligator goes to work; netizens wonder if it wears pants | Trending & Viral News

Stan was looking at his computer screen.

Stan: Why are earth are we travelling all the way to Texas? It’s warm in Florida.

Suzy: We always go to Florida. This way we get to see something new.

Stan: But why Texas?

Justine: You can blame Cousin Danny for that. You know he’s trying to be a bird doctor, right? There’s a huge Birding and Nature Center in the middle of the island. Humans come from all over to see the birds.

Ecoviews: Why do birds perch on alligators?

Suzy: Yeah. Danny figured that if it’s good enough for all those humans, it’s good enough for us.

Adele: Ugh. I hate humans. They have germs.

Stan: Don’t worry. If anyone bothers us, Uncle Charlie and John can scare them off.

Justine: Yep. The meanest gator in the family and the biggest. All Uncle Charlie needs to do is growl and show his teeth.

Stan’s phone rang:

Stan: Hello?__ Hi, Ma. How’s it going?__ Really?__ Are you sure no one else can take him? __I guess if he comes up here it’d work.__ Yeah.__ We can take him.__ Don’t worry about it.__ Love you too.

Stan set down his phone, looking irritated.

Southern Charm at Jefferson Hotel Richmond - Travel Addicts

Adele: How’s your mom?

Stan: She’s fine. But Vinny can’t make Easter. Apparently it’s still tourist season in Miami, and the resort won’t give him the time off.

Adele: That’s too bad. We’ll miss him.

Stan: The real problem is that he was going to bring his dad.

Justine: So Uncle Stu can’t go? That’s awful.

Suzy: Yeah. He’s the most fun relative we have.

Stan: Granny wants us to bring him.

Adele: That doesn’t make any sense. Almost everyone else lives in Florida. They’re all closer.

Gatorland | Experience Kissimmee

Stan: Yeah, but Uncle Stu drives them crazy. And ever since our trip to Michigan, I’m his favorite. If he can’t go with Vinny, he wants to come with us.

Adele: That’ll add two days to our trip.

Stan: He didn’t want to put us out, so he’s coming here by bus. Then we’ll all go to Texas.

Adele: Why can’t he take the bus to Texas?

Stan: He thinks this is more convenient.

Suzy: Cool! I love Uncle Stu.

Alligator In The Road? Just Kick It, One Woman Decides | Baton Rouge, LA Patch

Uncle Stu was due to arrive the Sunday before Easter. When he hadn’t arrived by sundown, the gators got worried.

Adele: Where is he? I knew it wasn’t a good idea to let him ride the bus by himself.

Justine: He probably got on the wrong one and is almost to New Jersey by now.

Suzy: Or maybe he got confused and went directly to Texas after all.

Stan tried calling him, but got no answer. He sent a text to Vinny asking if he had heard from his father. Shortly before bedtime, his phone rang.

Can you take a cat on a train, bus or tram? | PetsRadar

Stan: Hello. __Hi Stu.__Where are you?__You’re supposed to be here.__No. We’re in SOUTH CAROLINA, not SOUTH MIAMI BEACH.__Yes, you’re right. That is a long way from your house.__I guess it was a misunderstanding.__Are you OK?__Are you sure?__Tuesday will be fine. See you then.

Stan laid down his phone and shook his head.

Stan: Stu won’t be here tonight. For some reason, he thought we lived in South Miami Beach. So he found our street address there. Luckily some very nice big cats live there. They’re putting him on a train north. He’s supposed to be here Tuesday morning.

Next week: Does Stu arrive in time to leave for Texas?

Florida pedestrian gator causes a stir in neighborhood

16

Gator Family Vacation: A Punk Croc Odessey

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Why Are Alligators Showing Up on Beaches? | The Weather Channel

Stan and Adele were basking in the warm Michigan sun. For some reason, the family had decided to vacation Up North by Lake Michigan this year.

Suzy: Hey, Dad. Who planned this year’s vacation? It’s really pretty here.

Justine: It is pretty. But I got cold last night. You should have packed blankets, Mom.

Adele: It’s no worse than home in the winter.

Alligator On Sand - DesiComments.com

Stan: We’re only going to be here a few more days. I really like the sand. It doesn’t catch in my toes like the rocks by our creek.

Adele: I’m pretty sure your cousin Danny suggested it. He came up here when he was interviewing for a residency.

Suzy: I can’t believe he graduated from Animal Tech and is a real bird doctor.

Justine: I still think it’s goofy that he wants to treat birds. Where’s he going to work?

Stan: He got a really good offer from a clinic in the Everglades.

Everglades Holiday Park Airboat Tours & Rides | Alligators

Justine: Ooh! Gator nirvana! And he won’t have to worry about snow like up here. I can’t believe he even considered Michigan.

Adele: I guess they have a lot of birds in all these trees.

Just then, they heard a loud splash. Cousin Penelope had married her boyfriend Maxwell. They were trying to get their son Stephen into the water.

Penelope: C’mon, sweetie. Let’s go in the water.

Stephen: I don’t want to, Mama. You know I don’t like water.

Do Alligators Live in Saltwater or Freshwater? - AZ Animals

Maxwell: Don’t be ridiculous. You’re an alligator. We love water. It’s how we cool down.

Stephen: I’m not hot.

Maxwell: We’ll just get our feet wet.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Penelope: It’ll be fun.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Maxwell snuck up behind Stephen and pushed hard with his snout. Stephen landed in the water with a thud. The water only came partway up his legs, but Stephen was not happy. He started howling.

Young alligators basking under the sun. - Picture of Alligator Adventure, North Myrtle Beach - Tripadvisor

Penelope: Stephen, just relax. It’s only water. You’ll have fun if you stop complaining. Look at your cousins. They’re having a great time.

Stephen: I don’t care. I don’t like water.

Finally, Penelope and Maxwell gave up. They all returned to the beach. Stephen was shivering.

Justine: How bizarre.

Suzy (giggling): You know what a princess Penelope has always been. The kid’s just like her.

Alligator Adventure - North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - Top Brunch Spots

The gators laid on the warm sand and enjoyed the sun with their eyes closed. Stan was just about asleep.

Granny: Stan! Wake up! I have to talk to you.

Stan opened one eye.

Stan: What’s up?

Granny: It’s your Uncle Stu. He needs your help.

Stu was a beloved elder member of the family. He kept the others entertained with his stories. Part of the reason he had so many stories was his legendarily bad sense of direction. He spent many hours being in the wrong place and trying to get home.

dreamt that alligators and crocodiles became famous music artists and it was very popular news, they also wore headphones for some reason : r/Dreams

He hadn’t joined the family vacation because he was spending the summer touring with his favorite punk croc band, Acrocalypse. He had been a fan for years, since it had evolved from its swamp rock roots, the band Creedence Crocodile Redemption.

Stu had been welcomed by the band and had been traveling with them on the tour bus. He did odd jobs along the way. It seemed to be working out well for everyone.

Stan: What happened? Did he miss the bus?

Granny: I don’t think so. He said he needs your help.

Gators – Gatorland

Stan: Doing what?

Granny: He didn’t say. But he want you to meet him in Detroit.

Stan loved Uncle Stu, but it was always an adventure when Stu needed help. Nothing was ever easy.

Stan: Why me? Everyone’s in Michigan. Can’t someone else go? What about my family?

You can take them with you. Please? Do it for me.

Stan sighed. He talked to Adele, and they made plans to leave for Detroit in the morning.

Next week: If he wasn’t lost, why did Stu need Stan?

Robert Irwin Shares Video Of Alligator Enjoying A Car Ride | ETCanada.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

21

Home Alone Feline Edition: This Time it’s Personal

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Snoops and Kommando here. And we are not pleased. Our humans have abandoned us. Our human sister and her very loud family came over a couple of days ago. Of course, we hid. When we came out, our humans were gone. That’s not usual. They disappear regularly, but they always come back.

 But it’s been light and dark and light and dark, and they’re still gone. A strange man came in yesterday and fed us. He said they are on vacation. Vacation? Who would need a vacation from us? Apparently they are going to be gone for a few days.

Now we have to think of a way to get even. The question is, should we do something while they’re gone or should we wait until they get back?

Lolcats - hairball - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Maybe a nice hairball.

Fancy cats and dead gifts - Meme by Capra24 :) Memedroid

Or some kind of varmint.

Lolcats - destroy - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Maybe we can take it out on the plants.

LALALALALALA. Not Listening!

We can give them the silent treatment when they get home.

No touch me, im angy - iFunny :)

Or maybe just act really grumpy.

We think that we’ll just look really cute when they get back. Then they’ll feel bad for leaving us alone. (If you have a better idea, please leave it in the comments.)

Memes courtesy of Google Images.

11

Road Trip! The Gators’ Summer Vacation – Part 3

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Image result for alligators in mud

The gators made it to Tennessee, but ran into some bad luck there. They were tuned away from the motel because they were alligators. Then the place they chose to sleep turned out to be a cold river, and they were on the edge of torpor. When we left them, they had just been discovered by a couple of bears. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Bear (looking closely): It’s those two alligators from work. What’re they doing here?

Cub: Alligators! Our teacher told us about alligators, but I never thought I’d really see one! They live where it’s hot!

Bear: I know, Billy. These two came up to visit, but weren’t allowed to stay at the motel because the owner was afraid of losing business. They must have decided to sleep here.

Billy: But, daddy, it’s much too cold for them here. They probably can’t even move they’re so cold. We have to help them.

Image result for alligators sleeping

Bear: What do you think we should do, Billy? Won’t they get better in the morning?

Billy: The teacher said that it takes a long time in the sun for them to wake up. What if it’s not sunny tomorrow? We need to get them out and warm them up.

Abby and Al listened to this, and relaxed a little. At least the bears weren’t talking about eating them. On the other hand, the cub was right. If it didn’t get warm enough to revive them fully, the gators would start going into torpor. They hoped the little bear had some kind of good idea.

Bear (looking at the river): Umm. Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Gator. I’m Will Bear. I think we met earlier today in town. My son tells me that you may be in trouble and we need to get you out of that river. You look kinda long for me to do it by myself, so I’m going to get someone to help. Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out.

Image result for group of bears

Will and Billy walked into the woods. The gators waited, hoping for the best. The bears returned home and told the neighbors about the gators. Will’s wife Betty seems a little hesitant.

Betty: Are you sure they’re really alligators? Maybe you two were just looking at a couple of logs.

Will: Dear, we live in the woods. I know what a log looks like.

Billy: And they had eyes.

Betty: I don’t know. Couldn’t they eat us?

Will: They seemed nice enough when I saw them in town. No one would let them stay, so they came out here to sleep.

Billy: Besides, Mom, they can’t move.

Bob: There are more of us than there are of them. If there’s a problem, we can handle it.

Image result for bears at river

The bears went down to the river. They appeared to be puzzled.

Bob: There’s definitely a couple of reptiles in there. But they’re big and look like they’re stuck in the mud. How do we get them out?

George: I think we need three bears per gator. One at the head, one at the tail, and one in the middle. If we lift together, it should work.

Bob: OK. Then what do we do?

Will: We’ll take them back to my den. I’ll get my older boys to help us warm them up.

Image result for bear den

The gators were a little concerned about this plan, but really didn’t have a choice. They hoped they didn’t end up in three pieces getting out of the river. The bears climbed in and put their paws under the gators. With a little effort, they got the gators out of the mud. The six bears managed to get the two gators to Will’s den and lay them down.

Betty: OK, Joe and Jim are here. Now what?

They all stood in silence, watching the gators.

Billy: I know! We’re all warm and furry. Let’s put them between us tonight. Maybe it will be enough to get their blood flowing.

Abby was terrified. But before she knew it, she was between two large sleeping bears. She tried to relax. Before she knew it, the bears were moving again.

Betty: Good morning, everyone. How are our guests doing?

Billy: Let me see!

Image result for sleepy alligator

The larger bears got up and looked at the gators. The larger one tried to say something.

Will: What’s he saying?

Billy (leaning down): I think it’s “Thank you.”

Will: It’s quite all right, Mr. Gator. Are you OK?

Al closed his eyes again. Will nudged him with a paw to see if he was still alive.

Al: Need more sleep.

Image result for bears sleeping

Will: I have to get to work. The rest of you lay down again. Don’t get up until they can stand.

The bears surrounded the gators again and relaxed. By the time Will got home, everyone was up and talking.

Abby: Here he is. Our hero!

Will (embarrassed): It wasn’t me. If Billy hadn’t noticed you, none of the rest would have happened.

Abby: We were all laughing about how we were afraid we would be eaten by the other.

Betty: It’s such a shame that they couldn’t stay in town. They are such nice creatures.

Will: You know how they are in there. If you’re not a small mammal, they’re sure you out to make them dinner.

Image result for bears eating honey

Al: But you work there.

Will: As security. That’s the only job a bear can get. Just in case something bad comes walking through the door.

Billy: Well I’m glad they wouldn’t let the gators stay. I never would have met them otherwise. And now they’re staying!

Betty: I’ve convinced them to stay a couple of days with us. I’m going to show them a couple of nice sunny spots for daytime, and they can sleep here.

Will: That’s great! Welcome!

The gators ended up having a great vacation. They spent the days in the sun, and the bears caught fish for dinner. They knew the other gators would never believe them, so they took lots of pictures and promised to keep in touch.

Image result for animals on skype

 

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

9

Road Trip! The Gators’ Summer Vacation

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Image result for alligators cuddling

It had been abnormally hot and steamy in the southern Florida swamp. While most of the gators loved it, Abigail had had enough. She was a Carolina gator who had met Al on a spring trip to Panama City. It was love at first sight, and they spent their time curled up in a hot tub some human had forgotten to drain.

When it was time to go home, Al invited Abby to come with him. She didn’t hesitate and had been living south of Miami ever since. It had been an adjustment. She thought it smelled weird, and all the gators did was lie around. She loved Al and she soon adapted. But this summer was too much.

Image result for alligators in a swamp

Abby: Al, the heat is starting to make me cranky.

Al: Sweetheart, you’re an alligator. Being cranky is part of our charm.

Abby: I want to go somewhere for vacation.

Al: OK, we can go to somewhere on the coast. You pick the spot.

Abby: I was thinking a little more north.

Al: Back to Panama City? That would be nice.

Abby: Um. A little further north.

Al: How much further north?

Image result for tennessee and georgia

Abby: Tennessee.

Al: Where is Tennessee? I’ve never heard of it.

Abby: It’s north of Georgia.

Al: That doesn’t sound very tropical. Exactly how far is it?

Abby (hesitating): Well, I couldn’t get the exact mileage, but it’s about 850 miles.

Al: 850 miles! Abby, we’re alligators. It would take us years. There’s no way we can take that kind of trip. Find someplace closer or we’re not going.

Image result for alligator in hot tub

Abby (starting to cry): Just look at the pictures. See, the humans are wearing shorts. That means it’s warm. And the place I found has a hot tub. It’ll be romantic, just like when we first met. We can leave the kids with your sister.

Al: What’s that big, furry thing standing in this picture?

Abby: It says it’s a bear. I’m not sure what that is, but I’m sure it’s well-mannered since it’s at a resort.

Al: I don’t see any alligators in these pictures. All the animals are furry.

Image result for tennessee black bear

Abby: I’m sure it’s just because of where they took the pictures.

Al realizes that Abby really has her heart set on going to this place.

Al: OK. How do we get there?

Abby: I thought that we could take an airplane, but we gators don’t have our own airline. Apparently, not enough of us fly. We used to be able to take All Animals, but they went out of business. The last one available is Creature Air Comfort, but they’ve banned gators.

Image result for animal airlines

Al: Isn’t that discriminatory?

Abby: Apparently not. In the past few years, there have been five instances of gators eating other passengers.

Al: Trust some hooligans to ruin it for everyone.

Abby: So the next fastest way to get there is by train. The only problem is that the trains from Miami charge gators double because of the eating other passengers thing. We’d need to go to Orlando to get a decent rate. Apparently there are lots of humans in the area who spoil the alligators, so they don’t bother the other animals.

Image result for steam train drawing

Al: Well, there’s one positive to the human invasion down here. So how do we get to Orlando?

Abby: Well your sister Jean told me about something the humans have, called ride-sharing. Some people do it because they’re friends, but other people do it for anyone to make money.

Al: Well, that’s great, but we don’t know any humans.

Abby: Jean does. Some guy who was out here taking pictures. He said that driving alligators to Orlando would make him “viral.” We don’t know what that means, but she made sure that he would deliver us to the train station alive and in good shape.

Al (defeated): So when does he pick us up?

Early Saturday morning, the driver arrives in an old pickup truck. He has filled the bed with water after laying down blankets for their comfort. He has a friend who is recording everything while talking the whole time. Abby and Al climb in, ready to start their adventure.

Image result for tennessee vacation

 

Next time: Tennessee is definitely not the tropics.

(Pictures courtesy of Google Images)

 

 

4

Where’d Everyone Go?

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(Kommando and Snoops woke up Monday morning starving as usual. Snoops went over and woke up Kommando.)

Snoops: Hey! Why isn’t there any food? Didn’t you wake up the humans? You know that’s your job. It’s already light outside.

Kommando: Bad news. Remember when they got in the car yesterday? They never came home. They aren’t anywhere in the house.

Snoops: Oh no!! I wonder if something happened to them? Who’s gonna feed us and take care of us? I am NOT going back to that shelter. They stuck me in a cage and all I could smell was dogs. And there is no Cat TV. And the food was awful!

Kommando: What about me? This was my only home. I was left at the side of the road.

Snoops: Don’t panic! It’s not a crisis yet. We still have dry food and water.

Kommando: I have a great idea!! We could use that computer thingy and order out.

Snoops: That is a great idea! And we can look for new humans too. When it gets cold again we’ll need someone to snuggle up against.

Kommando: OK, Snoops, you’re the one who spends all the time in here. What do we do first?

Snoops: Well, the first thing Dad does is push in that button. (points to “ON” switch).

Kommando: Oof (pushes with her whole body). Maybe it’s stuck. Mrrrrow! (Falls over as the computer turns on.)

(Hear somebody at the back door.)

Kommando: Run! That’s not our humans.

Male Voice: Here kitty, kitty. I’m here to feed you while your humans are out of town.

(Cats look at each other.)

Snoops: What do you think?

Kommando: Anyone could come in and say that. Maybe he wants to kidnap us and sell us to rogue Canadians to use as sled dog trainers.

(Snoops stares at Kommando.)

Kommando: What? It could be true.

(They hear a can of food being opened and sneak forward.)

Kommando: He doesn’t look too dangerous.

Snoops: Naw, I’ve seen him with the beta male. Just watch out for his feet.

Male: Oh there you two are! Here’s your food. I’ll change your water too.

Kommando: Should we trust him?

Snoops: I’m hungry! And he’s feeding us the right stuff. I’m eating.

(Runs over and starts to scarf down the food. Kommando sniffs her food and begins to eat.)

Kommando: Yumm! It’s our food. We won’t starve.

(They don’t notice the male leaving. The next day he appears about the same time. They greet him at the door, meowing.)

Male: Hi, cats! How’ve you been?

(Kommando rubs her head against his leg.)

Male: You’re so cute. No wonder your humans said they’d miss you while they were gone. They’ll be back in a couple of days.

(Snoops and Kommando look at each other. They wait until the male humans leaves.)

Snoops: They’re coming back! They’ll probably bring treats to make up for leaving us. I wonder where they went.

Kommando: Who cares? We should have a party to celebrate!

Snoops: Great idea! You send out the KittyChat, and I’ll check out what’s in the refrigerator and cupboards. Tell them to bring their own milk if they want it.

Snoops in Fridge 3

(Later)

Snoops: Kommando, how many people did you send that KittyChat to?

Kommando: Just our mailing list.

Snoops: Then why did so many cats come?

Kommando: Ummm – Well, I did tell them they could bring a friend if they wanted. I wanted to make sure they knew they could bring their mates. And I did tell them it was going to be awesome because the humans were out of town.

Snoops: We don’t know a gang of alley cats. There aren’t any alleys around here.

Kommando: They said you were cage-mates at the shelter. At least everyone’s gone before the neighbors saw.

Snoops: This place looks awful. We need to clean it up.

Kommando: Why? Most of the damage is outside. We don’t go outside. They’ll think raccoons did it.

Snoops: What about the house?

Kommando: They didn’t clean before they left. They’ll just think we did the rest because we thought they deserted us.

Snoops: You’re smarter than you look. Let’s take a nap.

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5

Cat Forum: The Toys of Summer

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Moderator: Welcome back fellow mammals. Today we are once again joined by Super Snooper (SS) and Kommando Kitty (KK) to discuss a subject near to every cat’s heart: cat toys.

KK: Thank you for having us here today. I would just like to clarify today’s discussion will involve several matters related to summer, not just toys.

Moderator: But the focus will be on toys.

SS: Actually, that will be the first topic of several. We would also like to talk about vacations and grooming.

Moderator: My script says that we are going to talk about toys. So let’s get started. How are summer toys different from winter toys?

SS: They are a lot more active.

KK: And easier to catch. Those mice are fun, but they have too many places to hide. (Aside to SS: It would be easier if Mom cleaned more often. SS nods.)

Moderator: Could you be a little more specific?

KK: I think you know we live in an old farm house. It’s really cold in the winter and hot in the summer. Dad says that’s because we have old windows downstairs.

SS: He keeps saying he should fix them, but we really don’t want him to. You should see all the cool toys that fly and crawl in during the summer.

Moderator: You mean you have insects as toys in the summer? (grimaces)

KK: What’s wrong with that? You wouldn’t want them flying all over your house would you? Besides you’re the one who wanted to talk about toys.

Moderator: (knows he’s beaten) So what type of insects are we talking about?

SS: Well, the best are moths. They fly around enough so we get a lot of exercise chasing them.

KK: And they taste good. Nice and crunchy.

SS: Junebugs aren’t bad, but they’re a little slow.

KK: The humans seem to find them disgusting. If they see one, they get rid of it before we get to play much.

SS: Spiders aren’t any good. They’re not poisonous around here, but they spent a lot of time just sitting there.

KK: Flies are good. They’re really fast.

Moderator: So what do you do when you don’t have any bugs around?

KK: We sleep a lot.

SS: He means for entertainment.

KK: I sleep for entertainment.

SS: We watch a lot of Cat TV. The birds and squirrels are fun. And the little chipmunks run around a lot. We don’t go out, and mom won’t let them in the house, so we have to watch.

KK: There are big, humungous rodents out there too. We saw them on human TV at the beginning of February, but they’re on Cat TV every day. Mostly they wander around and eat. But they run really fast sometimes too.

SS: I don’t want to play with them. They have big teeth.

Moderator: Anything else?

SS: Well, since you asked. The humans are talking about leaving us alone for a week with someone coming to visit daily. What are we supposed to do without the humans to entertain us?

KK: I hear there are places where we can go for vacation too.

SS: Yeah, great. I was in a place like that before the humans adopted me. They’re full of big, smelly, noisy dogs.

KK: We could go with them.

SS: They could stay here.

Moderator: Well, enough of that. I think it’s time…..

SS: One more thing – I don’t want Mom to brush me all the time.

KK: But it feels good. And makes you shiny and smooth.

SS: I like my fur just the way it is, thank you very much.

Moderator: Before we close, I think you two have a big announcement to make.

SS: That’s right. Big changes are coming to the blog. We’ll still be around, but we’ll have more friends. More animals, fewer humans. Whispers: I don’t think the Moderator’s contract has been renewed.

KK: Mom’s even looking for a new theme. She’s says there doesn’t seem to be a lot to choose from for our type of blog. (Don’t worry. She’ll be around too.)

SS: So come back next time, and we’ll tell you all about it.

Snoops and Kommando Sleeping

0

I Don’t Remember any Vacation

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A few weeks ago, I realized that my work anniversary was coming up soon, and I still had vacation time left. When I started at the store three years ago, that would have meant a decision between taking the time off and getting the extra money.

However, management has changed hands. Now you either use your vacation by your anniversary date or you lose it. There was no announcement of the change in policy, but it didn’t take many people losing the money for word to get around.

Studies have shown that vacations are good for productivity. I hope that the studies were referring to work productivity. Today is the last day of my vacation, and I honestly don’t remember how I spent most of the time.

I decided to take one of those vacations where you just stay around the house and relax. My husband was working and the kids had school, so I could just hang out.

Except for the newspapers everywhere. And the 10+ magazines laying around. And taking my son to his driving test. And picking up his “new” car. (It’s a ’72 VW Beetle, and it is SO cute!) And the meeting in Detroit. And needing to do church stuff.

And hundreds of e-mails. (I love you guys, but for some reason you never seem to write fewer posts just because I’m really busy. Gotta work on my telepathy.) Don’t tell me to read everything through my Reader. I rotate who comes by email because the Reader is full of other blogs that I look at occasionally. If I promised to read everything in my Reader, I would never look at much of anything.

So here I am on Sunday evening. I read a few of the magazines. I threw away some of the papers (after reading them). You can’t tell the difference. It still looks like we’re waiting to paper the walls with newsprint.

I caught up on all the Internet news services I follow. I’d forgotten just how depressing the news can be when you actually read the full stories. I may just go back to reading the headlines and celebrity gossip.

Could someone send me a note if ISIS makes it to Ankara or Ebola wipes out an entire nation? I don’t need to know if George Clooney and his new wife get pregnant with the world’s current cutest baby ever. Remember to mark it “Urgent”. I’m not sure how long it will take for the e-mailbox to overflow again.

I finished a book. Yay!!! That only leaves about hmmmm twenty-five or so to go. That does not include the ones on Kindle since I read those on breaks at work. I got caught up on the reading for my Monday night class.

If it sounds like I spent all my time on my rear, you are wrong. I also spent a couple of naps with the cats. They were amazingly friendly once they got over the trauma of me not getting up at 2:30a to feed them.

Kommando Kitty has learned that if I’m lying on the sofa using the laptop, she only has to try sending one email before I pick her up. She has also turned on Spotify a couple of times. (She has terrible taste in music.)

I did not get the yard ready for winter. I did not look for another job. I did not do one single thing that I will be able to tell people tomorrow when they ask what I did with my time off. And it’s great.

The really scary part is that I only really have trouble with my sinuses at work. At home, I am generally tissue-free unless there’s some kind of front coming through (you Michiganders out there know what I mean). But this morning I woke up with dry eyes and a semi-runny nose. The aching in my front sinuses is there too. MY BODY KNOWS IT’S GOING BACK TO WORK TOMORROW. And it’s not happy.

I see by the ads that some of the Halloween stuff is already on sale. Anybody in the market for a taco costume for your dog? How about some orange and brown chips for cookies. (I think they’re all chocolate, but it doesn’t come out and say that.)

The Christmas toys have been clogging up the back rooms for a while. The sooner you buy the Halloween stuff, the sooner we can all start complaining about the commercialization of Christmas. Time’s a-wasting.