25

Yak Express: Not Living Up to Its Name

Snoops and Kommando here. This story was written by our cousins Thunder and Onyx with the help of their human. Hope you enjoy it. (It actually explains a lot.)

Since a horrible illness took over the world, cat consumables have been hard to come by. From luxuries such as catnip and heated blankets, to basics such as canned chicken and kitty kibble, nothing was safe from the shortages that had befallen Cattusville. To compile the issue, all humans had been stressed to the max, which made home cuddles and attention dwindle to an unacceptable rate. After some investigating, the cats of Cattusville discover that the holdup on goods has nothing to do with human error, and everything to do with the transportation yaks that swam across the ocean to deliver goods from one country to another. This frustrates the felines, who are now in the midst of discussing this horrible issue. 

Jolene– What a horrible day! I just spent 20 minutes in line at CatMart. All for 7 items! I’m about to stop shopping there and try Furrs. They’re a bit pricier, but I hear their customer service is on point. 

Bonnie– Speaking of pricier, I noticed even at Bargain Felines, their prices skyrocketed. A can of tuna used to cost a dollar- I just spent two dollars, and I swear there was less juice in it than usual! 

Saran Wrap– at least you can find tuna! I’ve been to three different stores, and still am missing half my shopping list. I can’t find silver vine anywhere. And there was only one catnip plant available in the city, and it looked horrendous. Almost like a dog had been nibbling on it! *The cats all shuddered.* I’m about to just use my human’s credit card and order everything online! At least then I’m guaranteed to get something! 

Cookie– You know what the real issue is, right? It isn’t a lack of servants, or less fish available to catch and sell; it’s the transport yaks. 

Tailor-made Nepal, Tibet & Bhutan Tour | Enchanting Travels

Jolene– Transport yaks? What on earth are transport yaks?

Bonnie– Yeah, I just assumed humans were being lazy and not putting things on shelves for me to purchase. And that they raised the prices to get more for less. 

Saran Wrap– Isn’t a yak a big, scary creature? I saw a photo of one once. It didn’t look friendly, or very tasty. The only benefit I saw to it was the fur, which would make a wonderful blanket. 

Cookie– Well, yes, yaks are bigger than us. And I’m not sure if they’re friendly- I’ve never actually met one. But they’re the reason we’re having issues buying our items. Our whole country relies on their services. And there’s been so much demand lately, our yaks aren’t able to keep up with it. 

Jolene– I’m not sure how a big, scary blanket is supposed to be in charge of our economy and buying. Don’t the humans just say, “hey, we need this”, and it magically appears?

Bonnie– That sounds about right. 

Cookie– No, that isn’t how it works. You see, Cattusville gets a lot of their marketables from different countries, such as Katzenlot, or Gatomanor. 

Saran Wrap– But those countries are so far away! Like, 20 nap times away!

Cookie– Exactly! We cats have much better things to do with our time, so we contract yaks to swim across the ocean and deliver our goods. But because of the hoarding that the illness caused, Cattusville keeps demanding more and more items from everywhere else. So then more and more yaks get sent to swim to us. But the shore can only process a couple of yaks at a time, no matter what the demand is. So the extra yaks get stuck at sea, waiting to drop their load. However, by the time the water-logged yaks make it to shore, it might have been months. This naturally makes the yaks very grumpy, so they are slow in letting the humans remove the load from them. Then, they take a couple of weeks to relax before swimming back to their native country. But that takes up space on our shore, so that slows down the process even more. 

Jolene– Wow, how awful. Thank goodness we’re not yaks! *The others nod in agreement* 

Himalayan Yak & Yak Products in Nepal | Visit Nepal 2020 | Bookingsansar

Cookie- But that’s not all. Some yaks get so upset at the wait, that they turn around and head back to their native shore. That delays our shipments even more.

Bonnie– Oh, no! I know they’re not treated well. But that doesn’t seem fair to us, either. 

Cookie– Well, it’s really not. But can you blame them? 

Saran Wrap– I can’t blame them at all. I thought I had seen a report on RabbitNews, saying that some yaks had not only returned to shore, but were so disgusted by working conditions, that they’re refusing to work until things get better. Some were even considering hibernating, just to make a point. I had just assumed it was fake news, since there’s so much of that nowadays. 

Cookie– I saw that report as well. Sadly, it is very true. 

Jolene– Wow. I never knew all of this. 

Bonnie– Yeah. Now I feel bad about hissing at my human for bringing home beef treats instead of turkey. The yaks probably haven’t had a chance to deliver the turkey treats yet. 

Lolcats - scratching post - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures  with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with  words

Saran Wrap– And I guess I should stop mewling about the raise of price in scratching posts. Those can’t be easy to transport, and the yaks do deserve extra compensation for doing such a hard job. 

Cookie– It doesn’t make it less frustrating, but at least you now know the root of the issue. But, enough talk about yaks. Who wants to find a nice sun spot to lounge in for the next three hours?

The other cats run off with Cookie, eager to stop talking about yaks and lounge in the sun. Even with as evil as the world illness has been, at least it hasn’t stolen the sunspots- at least, not yet. 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

25

Our View of Winter

Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We have been wracking our brains trying to come up with a winter-friendly post. We live in Michigan, where it is cold for several months each year. Usually it’s snowy too. And gray. We’re indoor kitties, so this is not our favorite time of year.

We can’t use our catio:

20+ Photos Proving That Cats and Snow Are Not Meant for Each Other / Bright  Side

Cat TV is really bad most of the time:

Cat Standing In The Snow | Know Your Meme

The humans track in snow and cold:

Quickly! Back in the House! - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats |  funny cat pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes |  lol cats

And it gets cold inside sometimes (by our standards):

Baby it's cold outside... Click the Photo For More Adorable and Cute Cat  Videos and Photos #cutecats #cats #kittens #catv… | Cute baby cats, Baby  cats, Pretty cats

All in all, we really don’t like winter:

44+] Cats in Snow Wallpaper on WallpaperSafari

That said, we know that some cats adapt rather well to the weather. We found a few activities that you might try if you are one of those outdoorsy types.

Playing catch:

Fur Laughs: Watch Funny Cats Versus Snow In Winter [VIDEOS] - CatTime

Building a snow cat:

Live cats pose with neighborhood snow cat - The Columbian

Skiing:

Watch Taddy the Cat Nail Some Nasty Snowboard Tricks - Nerdist

Sledding:

Dog Pulls Cat Around In Sled...And The Cat LOVES It - Videos - The Dodo

Mountain-climbing:

This Alberta cat loves to ski, paddle or 'meow-taineer' with his human |  CBC News

We hope that all of you are enjoying your winters. We’re kinda hanging out, getting extra snuggles, and waiting for spring.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except us)

24

Tuesday Morning Catnip Anonymous (CA) Meeting

Catnip memes | StareCat.com

Pete was nervous. It was his first time at a CA meeting. He wasn’t even sure he belonged. He was really more of a silver vine guy. He got a cup of tuna juice and sat near the back of the room. There were quite a few cats already waiting. By the time the meeting started, there were almost 20 participants. Pete had no idea there were so many cats with ‘nip problems.

Leader: Welcome, kitties! We’re glad to see so many of you here. A couple of new faces and a couple that we haven’t seen for a bit. Would anyone like to start us off?

Two Cats Cuddling | Holistic Vet and Pet Nutrition Journal

Jonah: Hi, I’m Jonah. And I’m addicted to catnip.

Group: Hi, Jonah!

Jonah: I’ve had a pretty good week. I met a girl named Tina at the fish market. We went for a walk. I think she likes me.

Leader (nodding): That’s great, Jonah! Did you have any nip issues?

Jonah: No, it was great. She never touches the stuff.

No, Cats Should Never Drink Wine or Beer - Catster

Leader: Who’s next?

Sarah: I’m Sarah. And I’m addicted to catnip.

Group: Hi, Sarah!

Sarah: I finally broke up with my boyfriend, Tim. He was a really bad influence. He kept insisting that niptinis weren’t the same as eating catnip. I told him that all catnip is a problem for me. He really isn’t supportive, so I decided to move back home.

The other cats clapped for her.

Is Catnip a Cat Drug? - Meowy Janes

Mel: Hi, I’m Mel and I’m addicted to catnip.

Group: Hi, Mel!

Mel: This is my first time here. I went to a party on Saturday night and woke up under the table. I decided that it was time to get my habit under control.

Leader: Welcome, Mel. We’re here for you. I’ll help you find a mentor and get started on the program. Let’s take a short break.

The leader took Mel aside and introduced him to a couple of other cats. The remaining cats got up and wandered around. A large cat walked up to Pete.

10 Cat Breeds That Are the Most Affectionate

Cat: Hey, I’m Carl. I haven’t seen you here before.

Pete: Hey. I’m Pete. It’s my first time. I’m a little nervous.

Carl: Don’t worry about it. we’ve all been there. What brings you in?

Pete: Honestly, I’m here because I told my wife I’d come. She had a bag of ‘nip that I got into.

Carl: One time? That doesn’t sound so bad.

Pete: That’s what I thought.

Carl: Was it a lot?

9GAG Cute - Cats high on catnip is my favorite thing By... | Facebook

Pete: She got it for a party.

Carl: Oh. A big party?

Pete: It was for a weekend away. It probably wouldn’t have been an issue except I kind of fell asleep in the middle of the table.

Carl: Oh.

Pete: And I might have gotten a little testy when she tried to move me.

Carl: Oh.

Pete: And I got really agitated when I saw some flashing lights. I might have growled a little.

Carl: Oh. But it was just the one time?

Our And Our Neighbor's Cats Found Catnip And Cat.exe Stopped Functioning  (30 Pics) | Bored Panda

Pete: Pretty much. Except when we walked past the lady’s garden, and I refused to leave.

Carl: What lady?

Pete: A human in our neighborhood grows catnip for the local cats. She gives it away. I don’t think she minded that I moved in for a couple of days. My wife said I embarrassed her.

Carl: Well, if it was intended for everyone….

Pete: I only stayed a couple of days. She didn’t have any real food. I had to go home to eat. My wife thinks I have a problem.

Can Cats Eat Catnip? Here's What You Should Know About the Herb

Carl: Ummmm.

Pete: I’m not really sure I belong here. Talking about it, I think I just had a couple of bad experiences. I’m really glad I had a chance to talk to you.

Pete finished his juice and left.

Photographer Takes Hilarious Photos of Cats on Catnip

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

Kitty Profiles on Prrrr

cats-cuddling-big - Pet Haven of Minnesota

We know a lot of you will be looking for love in the new year, so we thought that we would show you a few of the kitties currently on Prrrr, today’s hottest feline dating site.

Evie

19 Best Cat Toys and Supplies (2021): Scratchers, Window Perches, Etc |  WIRED

Life is too short not to love.

Purr Ons: cuddles, sun puddles, fluffy blankets

Purr Offs: baths, wet kisses,  vacuums

Bessie

Straw Hat Cat | Know Your Meme

Grab life and roll around it in.

Purr Ons: warm grass, back rubs, good food

Purr Offs: running games, cold rain, head pats

Vivian

Cute Cat posing kitty

Come explore with me.

Purr Ons: long walks, talking, massage

Purr Offs: whining, wet paws, cheap kibble

Finnegan

Hats For Cats

Did you see that?

Purr Ons: adventure, the red dot, fast toys

Purr Offs: rainy days, dirty windows, commitment

Brody

Gravis, Part-Time 8-Bit Toaster on Twitter: "i have felt for many years  that there is nothing more satisfying and correct than a cat with a fish in  its mouth https://t.co/j3PtIqezVw" / Twitter

I’m an even bigger catch than this fish

Purr Ons: running games, fishing, the red dot

Purr Offs: too much talking, baths, staying inside

Raphael

Young cat posing | Cat pose, Cats, Fur babies

Life is an adventure. Share it with me.

Purr Ons: traveling, talking, cuddling

Purr Offs: loud noises, timid cats, being ignored

Mike

130 Funny Cat Poses ideas | cats, crazy cats, cute cats

Been looking for love in all the wrong places.

Purr Ons: cuddling, massages, chasing the red dot

Purr Offs: being locked in, teases, bad weather

Phinneas

Cool cat | Fancy cats, Hipster cat, Cute baby cow

Chill and enjoy life’s ride

Purr Ons: sun puddles, warm fireplaces, cuddles

Purr Offs: bad fashion, bad moods, bad food

The first 30 days on Prrrr is free. Why not check it out?

Two Cuddling Cats | Cat cuddle, Cats, Cute animals

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

29

Tips for a Happy New Year

Funny Cats "Happy New Years" song - YouTube

Greetings! Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. The humans are starting a new year today. We wanted to find ways to help Mom actually have a happy new year, so we asked Mr. Google. He sure knows a lot of stuff. Too much stuff. It was hard to sort out what might really work. We put together a list and gave it to her. Guess now we have to wait and see what happens.

Kissing Kitties! - 23rd November 2017 - We Love Cats and Kittens

Kiss someone you love at midnight. It’s supposed to make the love last all year. We hate being kissed, but it’s worth it if she’s happy for a year.

Asheville Cat Weirdos launches food pantry to help pet-owners in need

Fill up your wallet and pantry before midnight. It keeps you from being poor and and hungry all year. Mr. Google didn’t say where to get the money to fill up her wallet. Especially after she spent all that money filling up the pantry. But we did notice that we have lots of food and treats, so it sounds good to us.

14+ Memes Clean House - Factory Memes

Don’t clean your house OR clean your house thoroughly. This was one of the places where Mr. Google really confused us. One place said that she shouldn’t clean so she didn’t wash/sweep away any good fortune that was coming her way. But another place said that she should clean thoroughly to sweep away all the bad luck from the past year. We hate the vacuum cleaner, but we hate clutter where we sit, so Mom’s on her own for this one.

Sad Cat Wallpapers - Top Free Sad Cat Backgrounds - WallpaperAccess

Don’t cry. If she cries on New Year’s, it could mean that she will be sad for the rest of the year. We hate it when she’s sad, so this one is really important.

PsBattle: This cat trying to enter a house : r/photoshopbattles

Don’t leave the house until someone else comes in. Mom actually had experience with this one. Her grandmother was from Scotland, and refused to leave the house until a tall, dark-haired man visited with a coin, something to eat, something to drink, and something to warm the house. (Luckily, our grandpa fit the bill so he always first-footed her.) Traditional gifts include coins, bread, salt, coal, and whiskey to ensure prosperity, food, flavor, warmth, and good cheer all year long. We don’t know anyone who fits the bill, so hopefully this one isn’t vital.

Post Cats Eating Weird Things | Bored Panda

Eat black-eyed peas and collard greens. The black-eyed peas bring good luck and the collard greens bring prosperity. We don’t like either one, but she’s also supposed to eat pork (wealth and progress) or herring (good luck) and soba noodles (longevity and prosperity), so she can make a meal of it all and we’ll share the stuff we like.

Cat vs Lobster! A fight between a lobster and three cats recently took  place on the bank of Daguan River in Kunming, southwest Chi… | Cats, Cat  boarding, Three cats

Don’t eat lobster before midnight. Apparently lobsters move backwards, and eating one too close to the new year might cause the human to have setbacks during the year. We’ve never had a lobster, but they look pretty scary, so not having one in the house is fine.

The Best Vacuums for Pet Hair for 2019

Make lots of noise at midnight to scare away evil spirits and omens. We hate loud noises, but as long as it’s not a vacuum we should be okay. Besides, it sounds like she only needs to do it for a short period of time.

Grapes are his favourite; not to eat but to play with! 😂 : r/CatsBeingCats

We also threw away a few.

Eat exactly 12 grapes at midnight. Each grape is supposed to represent a month of happiness. But she had to be done with the grapes at 12:01. We were afraid she might choke if she tried to eat them that fast. That would be really bad luck.

Open the door just before midnight to let the old year out and the new year in. We think that the year should be smart enough to get here on its own.

Suitcase Cats : Animals and Pets : r/aww

Carry an empty suitcase around. It’s supposed to bring a year of travel and adventure. We don’t like travel at all, so we’re not going to encourage it.

Wear red underwear. Some people think that wearing red underwear on New Year’s will bring romance into their lives. Mom doesn’t need romance; she has us. Besides, we don’t think she should be showing her underwear to other people.

good luck kitty ... | Dog station, Cute cats, Cat memes

Eat vasilopitta (sweet Greek bread) or king cake. The person who finds the coin in either pastry is supposed to have good luck for the year. But first you have to be lucky enough to find the coin. What happens to the rest of the people?

Hogmanay Blessings

While we’re waiting to see if our suggestions work, we want to wish everyone a happy new year. (And those in Scotland, a Happy Hogmanay – end of the old one.)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

17

Christmas Carols for Cats by Thunder

   I Can Has Cheezburger?

Hello! It’s Thunder, and I am so glad to be back! Christmas is one of my favorite holidays (after all, I get lots of yummy food and cool gifts), but I noticed a disturbing trend: the Christmas music humans listen to is just not cat friendly! (I would know- Mom insists on listening to it from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas is over.) So, I went through and rewrote the lyrics to some well known songs to make them better (I did 12 songs to represent the 12 days of Christmas. I better get gifts all 12 of those days). Enjoy! 

“The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t be Late)”

I was really excited when I saw the title of this song. I thought for sure it would be about the chipmunks we see on cat TV! But it doesn’t even mention chipmunks- how disappointing! So, I’ve updated it to

Christmas, Christmas time is here.

Time to chase the chipmunks and deer.

They seem fun but they won’t play.

All they do is stay outside all day.

Want a friend to chase the dot- and a chipmunk with lots of nuts!

We can hardly stand the wait, so Christmas don’t be late. 

All I Want for Christmas is You

I was a little disturbed when I realized that the singer wanted a human for Christmas. But then I realized many shelter cats would love a human! Obviously, this song was written for all displaced and homeless pets. The correct lyrics would go

I don’t want a lot for Christmas,

There are just a few things I need.

A warm lap to cuddle up on, and some food that I can eat.

I just need a light to chase, and a litter box in a clean place.

Make my wish come true,

Because just for Christmas, I choose you!

Jingle Bell Rock

The author of this song got one thing right- bells do rock! Some of my favorite toys have bells in them. But bells have nothing to do with sleighs or horses. What they could have composed would be more along the lines of

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

Jingle bells play and jingle bells stay – in the way of Mom and Dad- when they trip they get really mad.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!

Jingle bells are fun when you place them in socks.

Bat them, and swat them, and hunt them down- and listen to the bell sound!

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree

This song is proof that trees are meant to be played with- a fact that we cats already knew (after all, why else would you put shiny, dangly balls all over them?) But humans must play in a boring way. The cat-tastic lyrics would read

Rocking around the Christmas tree,

Chase the ribbons on the box.

Ornaments hung where you can see,

Every kitty starts to swat.

Rocking around the Christmas tree, every kitty stops in shock.

Shinies and danglies all around, let us knock them to the ground.

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I’m not really sure what a Christmas is supposed to look like, but if the month of December is any indication, it involves a lot of boxes, wrapping paper, and bows. Sounds more like Cat-mas! After all, I’ve never seen my big humans entertained by a box (the human kittens are another story). Thus, more appropriate lyrics would read

It’s beginning to look a lot like Cat-mas!

Toys all over the floor.

Look at the giant box, and the tins of lox,

With shiny ribbons and wrapping papers and bows!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Cat-mas. Lights in every door.

But the prettiest sight to see will be the presents that will be for all cats to adore!

Silent Night 

Clearly this person lived alone under a rock. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a silent night (although to be fair, Angel likes to practice her singing around 2am every night). However, if this make believe scenario were to happen, some more appropriate lyrics might read

Silent night! Kitties don’t fight!

All the mice are quiet and nice.

Tinsel hangs on the big Christmas tree.

Kitties pounce on the decor with glee.

Now let my humans awake!

So they can feed me at day break.

Holly Jolly Christmas

There isn’t really anything wrong with this song, except it is so heavily biased towards humans enjoying the holiday, and not cats. A more cat friendly song would read

Have a holly jolly Christmas!

It’s the best time of the year.

Lots of food, a festive mood, and pets go all around.

Have a holly jolly Christmas!

And when you walk down the street,

Stop in the store, go and explore, and buy me a tasty treat!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I couldn’t decide if she was hunting small prey, or if she was psychotic. For the sake of writing, I’ll go with the former assumption. Because cats have better (and slightly more selective) hearing, my version would read

Said the kitty cat to her feline friend-

Do you hear what I hear?

It sounds like the opening of a can!

Do you hear what I hear?

A can, a can, opens in the night,

It will fill our tummies with delight! It will fill our tummies with delight!  

Up on the Housetop 

We get a stray cat and squirrels on our roof. We have a metal roof, so they’re really noisy- it’s quite annoying. Several naps have been interrupted because of this. Whoever wrote this seems to think it’s a good thing when someone is on your roof, so maybe it’s better at Christmas time. I will find out. In the hopes that this is true, I wrote these words to replace the traditional song:

Up on the housetop kitties jump.

They sit and lay and lounge in the sun.

Then comes dinner time and they go inside.

And stay all night to nap and hide.

Oh, oh, oh, where did kitty go?

Oh, oh, oh, nobody knows.

There she is, in the window she sits!

Watching Santa Paws and a guy named Nick.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Apparently some big dude is supposed to break into our house and give the human kittens presents. I have yet to decide if this is cool or creepy. I guess as long as he brings food and big boxes, he can’t be too bad. But his song should go more like this:

You better watch out, you better not cry.

There’s a big man bringing meats and mice and pies.

Santa Paws is coming to town,

Santa Paws is jumping down, Santa Paws is coming around!

He’s making dinner lists, chicken and rice. Sausage and gravy and beef and mice.

Santa Paws is coming to town,

Santa Paws is jumping down, Santa Paws is coming around!

We Three Kings

This song is pretty cat-oriented to begin with- lots of people travel to spoil the baby with cool gifts. Sounds like paradise to me. But the gifts sound disgusting- my humans said they were spices and metal. I’ve adapted a better version:

We three cats of Orient are

Very hungry after traveling far.

Tummies growling, low meowing, as we stare at a food jar.

Oh-oh, can of wonder, can of delight!

Can with dinner meant for tonight!

Smells like chicken, chops a licking,

Fills my tummy up for the night.

Joy to the World

There is nothing more joyful than a cat! I realize the song is referring to Jesus, who, don’t get me wrong, seems like a really cool guy. I bet he had a cat. But if we’re talking about bringing joy to the world, the lyrics should definitely be more like:

Joy to the world!

The cat has come!

She brings a mousie gift!

Let every cat receive a nap,

And treats and pets galore! And treats and pets galore!

And treats, and pets and snuggles for her!

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed the updated Cat-mas music! If you like any of the classics (Mom does), I apologize that you’ve been listening to the wrong lyrics your whole life. Have a merry and safe Christmas, and may you recieve lots of boxes and shiny ribbons!

Author’s note- this blog was written in memory of my human dad’s father, Morten Weisfeld (July 15th, 1951-December 1st, 2021). Even though you were a dog owner, may you have eternal sun spots and plenty of naps. We will miss you, and will always love you.

Purrs and furs, 

Thunder K. Katt

10

Gator Family Christmas – Part 2

This is the Santa Alligator, he brings presents to every Alligator who serves in the Alligator Army, you all have been added to his nice list :) : r/Alligator_Army

Where we are – Stan and Adele have invited the family to South Carolina to celebrate Christmas. On his way to pick up his son Vinny, Uncle Stu met a woman and thinks he’s in love. You can read Part 1 here.

It was two days before Christmas. Vinny pulled into the driveway and everyone went out to meet him.

Stan: Welcome! Glad you made it.

Stan looks in the car.

Stan: Where’s Uncle Stu?

800-pound gator caught on camera - CNN Video

Vinny: The last time I saw him, he was baking Christmas cookies.

Granny started laughing.

Granny: Stu’s never baked anything in his life. Your mother was afraid to let him in the kitchen.

John: Remember when he tried to grill that turkey? He didn’t realize you had to light the fire ahead of time. He ended up setting the turkey on fire.

Vinny (laughing): Yeah. We had to go buy clam chowder for everyone to eat. Maybe I shouldn’t have said he was baking. He was sitting in the kitchen while Katya was doing all the work.

Granny: That sounds more like Stu.

Cuddling yacares | Pantanal, Cuddling, Animals

Adele: Is Katya his new soul mate?

Vinny: I guess. She seems nice enough.

Adele: How did he meet her?

Vinny: He went up to her house to ask for directions. He couldn’t figure out how to get to my house. She asked him to come in, and he’s still there.

Granny: We should have guessed. So he wants to stay with her rather than us for Christmas?

Vinny: You know Dad. She was nice to him, so he thinks he’s in love.

Gator Country - Gators need cuddles, too!! | Facebook

Stan: In fairness, he does irritate a lot of people. It was probably nice to find someone agreeable.

Vinny: He’s safer with her than some of the other characters he runs across.

Justine: Reading his stories on GatorGab is amazing, Uncle Stu leads a very interesting life for a retired gator.

Adele: He does have some interesting adventures.

Granny: He’s too trusting. He lets other people talk him into doing stupid things. So he’s not coming for Christmas.

Vinny: Katya told him he was welcome to spend the holidays with her if he would like. He thinks it would be a nice change.

Granny: Change from what? He’s never been to Stan and Adele’s. It’s our first Christmas here.

Vinny shrugged. He was disappointed his father hadn’t come with him, but knew that there was no point in arguing with him. His father was as stubborn an alligator as he’d ever met.

  • Pin on Animals, Animals, Animals

Suzy: Well, that’s disappointing. He’s funny and he tells great stories.

Adele: I agree, honey. Maybe we can invite him again next year.

The rest of the gators spent the evening catching up with Vinny. On Christmas Eve, everyone put their presents under the tree. They drank eggnog and at cookies while Granny told stories about Stan and his brothers when they were young alligators.

Justine, Suzy, and Danny listened intently. They loved hearing about Christmas at the swamp. Before long, it was bedtime.

Granny: You kids better get to bed. It’s time for Santa Claws to come.

Suzy: Oh, Granny! You know we’re too old for Santa.

Granny: I know, dear. But I need some peace and quiet. I’m not used to having everyone around. I want to be well-rested for the big meal tomorrow.

In the morning, they were opening their presents when there was a commotion outside.

Florida Woman Fights to Keep Her Pet Alligator Who Wears Clothes and 'Rides' ATVs - ABC News

Adele: What is all that noise?

Stan: It sounds like sleigh bells.

Adele: We live in South Carolina. It can’t be sleigh bells.

Justine: It’s definitely bells.

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Someone knocked on the door. Then rang the doorbell. And rang the bell again. And again.

Adele: Hold on. I’m coming.

She opened the door.

Adele: Stu! What are you doing here?

Stu: I thought I was invited for Christmas. Today’s Christmas.

Adele: You were invited. But you told Vinny that you were staying in Florida. With Katya.

Stu: I never said that. I said I wasn’t coming with him.

Vinny: Dad, you said you were staying there.

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Stu: I did stay there. But now I’m here. Can I come in?

Adele: Of course. How did you get here? Did you drive by yourself?

Stu: No. Katya drove me. She has an excellent sense of direction.

Adele: Where is she?

Stu: I told her she wasn’t invited. She’s in the car waiting for me.

Granny: Stu! You’re an idiot. Tell her to get in here. It’s Christmas. We’re not going to make her wait in the car after she was nice enough to bring you all the way up here.

American Alligators resting

Stu: Okay. I didn’t want to impose on Adele. You’re really going to like her.

Stu went out to the car and invited Katya in. She explained that Stu hadn’t told her that he was supposed to be going to a big family Christmas. Once she found out what he was missing, she insisted on driving him up so he wouldn’t get lost. Her own family was celebrating later in the week so she wouldn’t miss anything by helping Stu.

Stu acted as if nothing unusual occurred. He sat at the head of the table and got the biggest slice of roast beef.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

21

Gator Family Christmas

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Stan and Adele and their daughters Justine and Suzy are hosting the family Christmas this year. Most of the relatives from south Florida will be coming to South Carolina for the festivities. You can read about their family reunion here and here.

Justine: I’m so excited! I can’t believe Granny’s going to be here for Christmas! When are they arriving?

Adele: Your Uncle John is supposed to be driving everyone up the week before in his camper.

Suzy: What about Cousin Danny? Is he coming?

Adele: He’s in school until that Tuesday. So he’ll be coming separately.

Alligators avoid some beaches but not all

Stan: Cousin Vinny’s going to be able to get some time off from the resort for the holidays. So he and Uncle Stu will be coming separately. They won’t be staying as long.

Adele: Thank goodness! I was afraid Stu was going to try to find the house by himself, and we’d never see him again.

Justine: It is kind of scary how bad his sense of direction is. We’re friends on GatorGab. Last week, he was walking on the beach and was partway to Daytona before he realized he missed the turn into his subdivision.

Adele: We should probably start cleaning so we can get everything decorated before they get here.

Alligator basking in the sun | One of the alligators at Sant… | Flickr

Suzy: Where is everyone going to stay? Our house isn’t that big.

Stan: I’m renting a sauna. They said it feels just like southern Florida in the summer.

Justine: Oooh! That sounds nice.

Stan: And I’m going to set up a sunlamp in the basement.

Granny Gertie arrived with John, Jacob, and Norm a few days before Christmas.

Suzy: Hi Granny! Did you have a good trip?

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Granny: It was long. Your Uncle John doesn’t really believe in taking rest breaks while he’s driving. I feel stiff.

John: Mom, you’re an alligator. You always walk like that.

Norm: Besides, it would have taken forever if we had stopped every time you wanted to. You wanted to eat every time you saw a picture of food.

Granny: It all looked so delicious.

John: How are things here? Adele, the house looks amazing.

Adele: Thanks, John. We’re doing well. Today was my last day of work before the holidays. We had our big potluck.

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Justine: Mom took swamp grass cookies. They’re always a big hit.

Adele: We exchanged “Secret Santa” gifts. Here’s mine.

She held up a package of “Roadkill Helper.”

Adele: Apparently someone thinks I don’t know how to cook.

Justine: You said your Secret Santa was that goofy chameleon. He’s just afraid of you.

Stan: You did threaten to step on him once.

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Granny: Don’t worry about it dear. You can give it back to him at next year’s gift exchange. Could someone show me where we’re sleeping? I’d like to take a nap before dinner.

The visiting gators settled in. Danny arrived a few days later. Three days before Christmas, Vinny and Stu still had not arrived. Justine was scrolling through GatorGab and saw a post from Uncle Stu.

Justine: Hey, guys. Uncle Stu says that he left for South Carolina yesterday. Has anyone heard from him?

Stan: No. Does it say anything about Vinny?

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Justine: He says that he is going to pick up Vinny and head here.

Suzy: He’s picking up Vinny?

Norm: It’s supposed to be the other way around. Somebody better call Vinny.

Granny: I’ll try to reach Stu. My brother has the common sense of a pumpkin.

Granny and Stan started trying to figure out what was going on while the others paced around the house. 

Granny: Stu got bored waiting for Vinny and decided that he would go to South Miami to pick him up at the club. He says he’s north of the city at a very nice lady gator’s house.

a congregation of alligators

Stan: So Vinny can pick him up there?

Granny: He’s not sure he wants to come anymore. He thinks she might be his soul mate. I told him he’s an idiot.

Stan: Vinny wants to know what he should do.

Granny: He should pick up his idiot father and bring him to the family Christmas.

Justine: Maybe we should invite the lady gator too. Uncle Stu just changed his relationship status to “It’s Complicated” on GatorGab.

Granny Gator began to make a low growling noise deep in her throat.

Next week: Will Uncle Stu and Cousin Vinny make it to South Carolina for Christmas? (see part 2 here)

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16

Thanksgiving Presentation at Critter Cove Elementary School – Part 2

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Where we are – Timmy Tortie has given a presentation about human customs for celebrating Thanksgiving. The children decided that they would create their own Thanksgiving celebration to demonstrate the right way to do it. You can read Part 1 here.

Ms. Celeste: Welcome to the Critter Cove Elementary School Thanksgiving feast! Everyone was supposed to bring a dish to share and be prepared to share what they are thankful for.

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Timmy: I brought my mom’s special kibble. It has three kinds of fish.

Ms. Celeste: That looks delicious! And what are you thankful for?

Timmy: I’m thankful that she only makes it on special occasions because I have to help clean the fish.

Ralph Raccoon: That smells really good!

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Ms. Celeste: What did you bring, Ralph?

Ralph: I brought popcorn.

Ms. Celeste: Why popcorn? Is that a family treat?

Ralph: Every year, my family watches A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving together. And that’s what Snoopy makes for dinner. I’m thankful that my family spends time together.

Ms. Celeste: That’s a nice idea. Who’s next?

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Susie Siamese: I brought some turkey. It’s traditional for the humans, and I think it’s really yummy.

Ms. Celeste: Very nice, Susie. And what are you thankful for?

Susie: I’m thankful for supermarkets. Do you have any idea how hard it would be to catch a bird this big? And for my mom. She cooked the whole thing.

Ms. Celeste: Moms are pretty useful.

Wolf and his watermelon. : r/wolves

Jimmy Wolf: I’m next. I brought in some sweet potatoes and squash.

Ms. Celeste: Those look good. But I’m a little surprised. I didn’t realize that wolves ate things like that.

Jimmy: We don’t. I was really excited about the dinner and was talking about it with our neighbor, Mr. Jackson. He’s a deer. He suggested that since the class is full of carnivores that maybe some vegetables would be a nice change.

Ms. Celeste: That’s an excellent idea.

Jimmy: And I’m thankful that I have such a nice neighbor. He helped me pick out the food to bring.

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Belinda Bear: I brought berry pies. I thought that we should have something for dessert. And I love berries.

Ralph: Yum! I love pie. Did your mom make them?

Belinda: Actually, my sister helped me make them. Mom’s pretty traditional. She still thinks this time of year is for hibernation.

Ralph: Oh! So she’s sleeping full-time?

Belinda: She doesn’t do the full hibernation. She just naps a lot. She’ll be up for Christmas.

Ms. Celeste: And what are you thankful for?

Belinda: I’m thankful that I made it to school without eating the pies.

The class laughed.

Belinda: Actually, I’m thankful that my sister is smart enough to know how to bake.

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Tony Tabby: I brought in bananas.

Ms. Celeste: I’ve never seen a cat eat bananas. How did you decide on that?

Tony: I got them from my new neighbor. He eats them all the time.

Ms. Celeste: Who is your new neighbor?

Tony: A family of gorillas just moved in two doors down from me. One of them is named Java. He’s really friendly. And I was very thankful to learn that gorillas don’t eat kittens.

Ms. Celeste: Why would you ever think they might?

Tony: They’re huge. So it was scary at first.

Kittens eating together - YouTube

They sat down and enjoyed their feast. The children agreed that the humans definitely had one good idea: eating with friends was the best part of Thanksgiving.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

20

Thanksgiving Presentation at Critter Cove Elementary School

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Ms. Celeste: Good morning, class! Today’s the day that we start your presentations on foreign cultures. I’m excited to find out what you’ve learned about groups who are different from you. Timmy Tortie, you’re up first. What will you be talking about?

Timmy: I’m going to talk about human Thanksgiving.

Susie Siamese: You mean when they go to those buildings and talk to God?

Timmy: No. It’s a big day at the end of the month of November here in the U.S. They get together with their family and friends for dinner.

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Ralph Raccoon: Why?

Timmy: A bunch of them came over from the other side of the world a long time ago. Apparently, the people who were already living here invited them to a big dinner. Or helped them learn how to grow stuff. Or didn’t kill and eat them. Or something.

Jimmy Wolf: So they get together to help each other as a way to commemorate?

Timmy: No. Basically, they get together and they eat a lot. Some of them talk about stuff they’re thankful for.

Susie: My Mom used to live with humans. She didn’t really like Thanksgiving. She said it was really loud. The turkey was pawsome, but the people yelled a lot.

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Timmy: Some things I read said that people get really stressed out because they have to spend time with their weird family members. I guess you can’t just invite the good ones. And sometimes humans drink stuff that makes them act silly and say stupid things.

Belinda Bear: Why do they do that?

Other Children: Humans are weird!

Ms. Celeste: What else can you tell us about human Thanksgiving, Timmy?

Timmy: Sometimes, they march in parades or watch other humans march in them.

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Ralph: What’s a parade?

Timmy: It’s when a bunch of people walk down a street. Sometimes they do tricks like dancing or riding a bike. Some play instruments or sing. And some ride on platforms that they call “floats” even though nothing is floating.

Tony Tabby: That is super weird.

Ralph: Do they sing and dance about thanking someone or something?

Timmy: Not as far as I can tell.

Ralph: So what’s the point?

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Timmy: Santa Claws comes at the end of the parade and the humans welcome him back.

Susie: That can’t be right. Santa Claws comes on Christmas Eve. He’s busy getting ready before that.

Timmy: Don’t worry. It’s not the real Santa Claws. It’s just some human who dresses up like him. They don’t look realistic at all.

Jimmy: I’m getting really confused. What does Santa Claws have to do with Thanksgiving?

Timmy: According to Catepedia.com, the humans like to see Santa Claws so they know it’s time to start shopping for Christmas.

Jimmy: Couldn’t they just use a calendar?

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The class laughed, but Jimmy looked confused.

Timmy: It’s hard to explain why humans do things sometimes. Someone started doing the Santa thing a long time ago, so now it’s what they call a tradition.

Jimmy: So human Christmas kinda of starts at the end of Thanksgiving?

Timmy: Kinda. They do a lot of shopping that weekend.

Tony: That is really bizarre. They get together to eat a lot of food. Then shop.

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Timmy: One other thing that a lot of them do on Thanksgiving is watch American football. It’s a game with a bunch of men on one team running around trying to keep the other team from reaching the end of the field.

Susie: What does that have to do with giving thanks?

Timmy: As far as I can tell, nothing. Some humans just like to watch other humans play-fight. It gives them something to do while they’re waiting for all that food to cook. And it keeps them out of the way.

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Susie: It probably gives them something else to argue about.

Timmy: That’s really all I know about Thanksgiving. It sounded a lot more promising before I did the research. I think it’s a pawsome idea, but it could use some work.

Susie: Yeah. Maybe the animals should take it over and show the humans how to do it right.

Ms. Celeste: Susie, that’s a wonderful idea. Let’s have our own Thanksgiving.

Next week: The Critter Cover Elementary School Thanksgiving.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images