Tag Archives: animals

17

Road Trip With the Tabbies

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Things are a little tense at home for Thomas Tabby. Thomas had seriously underestimated how much of his time would be needed as liaison to the humans. They had designed the position as a way for the animals address issues with their humans for those animals  who live with humans. Or work with humans. These animals are a small percentage of Cheeseland residents.

The first few incidents had gone so well that the mayor, Pauly Porcine, had started inviting Thomas to sit in on issues that were entirely animal-to-animal. Cheeseland loved Thomas; he was much more popular than Pauly. They also had not foreseen the recent lawsuit by a humans to get a job in Cheeseland. Thomas had been heavily involved in the entire process. And Tina Tabby was not happy.

Thomas: I’m home! Where is everybody?

Tina: The girls are asleep. They have school tomorrow.

Thomas: Rats! I didn’t realize I was that late.

Tina: It’s the second time this week.

Thomas: You remember that human who insisted on working in Cheeseland?

Tina: I thought that was settled.

Thomas: So did I. This morning I had to go over to the plant. Turns out he doesn’t like the smell of manure. He wanted to be transferred to a part of the plant that, in his words, “Didn’t smell like cow @*%#.”

Tina: What did he expect a fertilizer plant to smell like?

Thomas: Apparently, humans make some kind of fertilizer that doesn’t use animals. At any rate, he deeply offended some of his coworkers. We ended up with a meeting between the humans and the supervisor, who happens to be a cow.

Tina: Oh, my. That probably didn’t;t end well.

Thomas: It did not. Yvette, the supervisor, came in and the human started sniffing the air. He told her she smelled like the fertilizer, and he couldn’t stay in a room with her. They called security and escorted him from the premises. He won’t be back.

Tina: Maybe you can spend some time with your family now.

Thomas: Pauly has some things coming up that he needs me for.

Tina: I don’t care about Pauly. I’ve rented a car, and we’re going to the beach.

Thomas: Let me talk to Pauly.

Tina: Talk all you want. The girls are out of school in a couple of weeks, and we’re going to the beach. They want you to come too.

Thomas: That sounds really nice. I’ll see what I can do.

By the time Thomas got to the office the next morning, he still didn’t have a plan.

Sgt Stripes: Morning, Boss. You look terrible. What’s wrong?

Thomas: Tina wants me to go on vacation with her and the girls, but it’s at the same time as the mayor’s big beautification project.

Sgt Stripes: What’s the problem? You’re not involved with Parks & Rec or the anti-graffiti folks.

Thomas: He told the beautification team that they’re less important than the neighborhood safety team, and they’re all angry with him.

Sgt Stripes: Ouch. He can be a little outspoken.

Juana Iguana walked up.

Juana: I couldn’t help hearing what you guys were talking about. Has Tina already planned the trip?

Thomas: She rented a car and reserved a beach house upstate.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t know Tina could drive.

Thomas: She can’t. She got one of those smart cars that drives itself.

Juana: Is that safe? I’ve heard really scary stories about humans using those things. Maybe they should take a train.

Thomas: She wants to be able to get around after they get to the town. Are they really that dangerous?

Sgt Stripes: New technology is always scary. Especially when it involves humans.

Juana nodded. Thomas went to his office to think. A few minutes later, Pauly Porcine stopped by.

Thomas: Hi, Pauly. How are things?

Pauly: Not bad. I think the head of the Beautification project, Shelly Squirrel is talking to me again. At least she didn’t immediately hang up on me.

Thomas: That is a good sign. Speaking of the project, I may not be able to be here for the kick-off. Tina made reservations at Emerald Lake that week for a family vacation.

Pauly: Can’t she change them?

Thomas: Probably not. It’s a really popular place.

Pauly: Thomas, I really need your support on this. You know I’ve offended some of the animals working on it, and I need a smooth start. Talk to Tina and see if you can change her mind.

Thomas walked home in a gloomy mood. He knew he didn’t stand a chance changing Tina’s plans. Suddenly, he heard screeching tires. He looked up in time to see Tina drive past in a bright red car. She was headed for their house.

Next week: Can Thomas make both Tina and Pauly happy?

All pictures are generated by Gemini AI

21

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans? Part 2

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Where we are: Cheeseland has received notice of its first-ever lawsuit. The city is being sued for discrimination in its hiring practices. Cheeseland is being represented by JJ Gorilla, widely considered the best animal for the job. David (the human) wasn’t as lucky. He’s talking with a couple of friends.

David: Pete, you told me this was going to be easy. “How hard can it be? They’re just a bunch of dumb animals.” I can’t even find a lawyer.

Steve: Why not? It should be simple. Obviously, a human is more qualified than a polar bear to sell tickets at an ice arena.

David: You would think. But apparently that’s not true if the customers are all animals. They say that some of the animals are afraid of humans. I’m not sure, but I think they said rabbits and deer.

Pete: Did you tell them you’re not going to eat the customers?

David: The whole thing didn’t go well. When they said Animal English, I thought it would be like talking to someone with an accent. It was a really strong accent.

Steve: What are you going to do? Give up?

David: No. I think the animals need to see that humans deserve jobs too.

 

Steve: Are you going without a lawyer?

David: No, they’re required to give me representation.

Pete: Are you getting a gorilla too? Or a shark?

Steve: Or a snake? That would be cool.

David: Um, no. The free representation is provided by animals just out of school. And they’re trying to open the profession up to a wider variety of animals.

Steve: So what is it?

David: She’s a French Poodle. Her name is Abbie, and she’s really smart. She’s meeting with that gorilla this afternoon.

David’s friends laughed, and the conversation moved on. Meanwhile, JJ and Abbie were meeting.

JJ: Thank you for coming to my office, Abbie. The judge prefers that the two sides meet before the court date to see if they can find common ground.

Abbie: Of course. I can’t believe I’m in the same court case as JJ Gorilla. Your book on compromise is required reading at law school. You’re a big part of why we have so little legal conflict in Cheeseland, Mr Gorilla.

JJ: Please call me JJ. It’s very kind of you to say that.

 

Abbie: Do you think we can find a compromise? My client wants either a job or money.

JJ: Sounds like a human. Does he know that money isn’t really used in Cheesland the way it is in human cities?

Abbie: I tried to explain that working in Cheeseland probably wasn’t a good move financially because we do a lot of barter here, so he may not find a job in his expected compensation range.

JJ: And even if he wins his suit, he isn’t going to get a lot of money.

Abbie: Do you have any idea what he might Goget if he does win? I don’t think he’s really qualified to get a job where he talks to animals. I’m having a lot of trouble understanding him. He uses some type of human translator that isn’t very good.

 

JJ: Then he’s not actually qualified for customer service positions. We’ll assume he’s doing that human thing where they expect us to pay to have him not go around telling everyone how horrible it is to be a human in Cheeseland.

Abbie: You are correct. So how much would Cheeseland be willing to pay him?

JJ: He wants $500,000, which is totally ridiculous. We don’t really care if his human friends don’t want to come here. Luckily for him, animals are a little more ethical. We try to do the right thing.

JJ starts to work on his laptop while Abbie looks at the books in his office. After a few minutes, he invites Abbie over to look at his screen.

JJ: Since your client doesn’t really have a case, here’s what we can do. Fifty thousand dollars in cash, one year’s free pass to all Cheeseland municipal events and parks, and a lifetime supply of fertilizer.

 

Abbie realizes that she will need to speak to her client, and he will not be happy. She goes outside to present the offer. She comes back a few minutes later.

Abbie: My client has refused your offer. He says it’s either a job or he’s going to sue for $1 million.

JJ: Any type of job?

Abbie: Yes. He says that he has to have a job or he’s suing in human court.

JJ: That would be very unfortunate. Let me make a couple of calls. You’re sure he would take any job?

Abbie: That’s what he says.

JJ talks to a couple of animals while Abbie waits outside. She returns after JJ opens the door.

JJ: I have two job opportunities for your client. Can we call him together? I’ll link him into AnimalView.

Abbie called her client and nodded to JJ.

JJ: Hello David. I’m JJ Gorilla, and I’m representing Cheeseland. Can you understand what I’m saying?

David: Yes…you hear me?

JJ looked at Abbie. She nodded again.

JJ: I understand that you want a job in Cheeselabnd and will sue us if you can’t get one.

David: That’s correct. It’s my right as a human being.

JJ: Okay. I have two offers to choose from. If you take either of them, you need to sign a form saying you will not sue Cheeseland. Do you understand?

David nodded.

JJ: After reviewing your qualifications, we’ve found two jobs that match. You have to choose one of the jobs if you want to work here. You want to be treated exactly the same as the animals, correct?

David nodded again.

JJ: The first job is at the fertilizer plant. Your job would be in client relations for the human accounts.

David: That sounds pretty good. What’s the other job?

 

JJ: That one is on an apple farm. You would be responsible for building maintenance. It’s a pretty physical job, but you don’t really have to worry about talking.

David: The first job, definitely. Thank you for straightening everything out, Mr. Gorilla. Thank you, Abbie.

After the details were ironed out, JJ called Angel Cat to tell her she could report on the outcome of the lawsuit.

Pictures generated using Gemini AI

19

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans?

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Hello. It’s Angel reporting to you outside of Cheeseland City Hall. Something unprecedented is going on inside. From what we’re being told, a human has filed a lawsuit against the city for discriminatory practices in hiring. We’re waiting to learn more about this unusual development.

There was a small group of animals surrounding Angel as she spoke in front of a camera. Soon Sgt Stripes, head of communications, walked up to Angel.

Angel: Hello Sgt Stripes. Can you tell us what’s going on with the lawsuit?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure that I can. As far as we can tell, Cheeseland has never had a lawsuit before.

There were murmurs from the crowd.

Squirrel: Should have known it would come from a human.

Angel: We had thought that having a liaison with the humans would avoid this type of thing. Can you tell us what went wrong?

Beaver: I knew it was a bad idea to trust the humans.

Husky: Me too. I thought we should just ban them from Cheeseland.

Grizzly Bear: One of them turned my great-grandpa into a rug.

Fox: And they think that foxes are for making fur coats.

The crowd was growing and getting more agitated.

Sgt Stripes: Calm down everyone. No one wants this to turn into something ugly.

Angel: So how is Thomas Tabby going to handle this. He is the liaison to the humans.

Sgt Stripes: Thomas is reviewing the allegations with Cheeseland’s top attorney, JJ Gorilla.

Lion: That’s good news. He’ll know what to do.

Meanwhile, Thomas and JJ are meeting in Thomas’ office.

Thomas: We have to fix this. We said that our relationship with the humans would improve. Now they’re suing us.

JJ: Don’t get so excited, Thomas. It’s just one humans. They do this kind of thing to each other all the time.

Thomas: Really? I’ve never heard of an animal doing that.

JJ: That’s nothing. You should see what they do when they loan each other money.

Thomas: Maybe they don’t really like each other.

JJ: I’ll never understand them.

Thomas: Did you read what the human said? What’s his name?

JJ: David Mason. He says that he’s applied for three jobs with the city and hasn’t gotten any of them.

Thomas: Why would he want a job here? He’d be the only human.

JJ: Apparently, he’s been having trouble finding a job in the human sector and thought he’d try Cheeseland.

Thomas: What jobs did he apply to?

JJ: That’s the odd part. It looks like he’s interested in positions that work with the public, and our public is overwhelmingly non-human. We’re very animal-centric.

Thomas: What did he want to do? Is he even qualified?

JJ: I would say, technically, yes. For example, he want to work at the front office at the municipal ice arena. There’s no reason why a human couldn’t do it.

Thomas: Except humans aren’t considered cold-weather animals and some of that population can’t work anywhere else.

JJ: But does that make them any more qualified?

Thomas: I think so. The ice arena runs very smoothly. What else did he apply for?

JJ: Two jobs at City Hall. One answering the main phone line and one in Parks & Rec.

Thomas: Does he speak Animal English or Ur Animal? Many of our constituents don’t speak anything but their native tongue.

JJ: He says he knows that everyone at City Hall has an AI translator in case there are communications issues.

Thomas: You know that we prefer not to use them. AI was created by humans and doesn’t really work well with animal dialects. He’d have to be hooked in the entire time he’s at work. That is not a good idea. Who knows what he’d say without knowing he’d said it?

JJ: The hearing is next week. What do you want to do?

Thomas: Set up a meeting with the Director of Hiring. Find out why he wasn’t chosen. Hopefully, it wasn’t just because he’s humans.

JJ left the meeting and went outside. There was a large group of animals protesting against humans in Cheeseland, The TV crew was filming everything. It wasn’t going to be easy proving there wasn’t an anti-human bias. He’d have to think of something else.

(Ed. Note: Apologies to Sgt Stripes and Angel fans. We couldn’t figure out how to get their pictures right in Gemini. We’re going to keep working on it.)

Next week: Can JJ defend Cheeseland’s hiring practices?

23

Do They Sell Fleas at a Flea Market? Part 2

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Sgt Stripes here. After much discussion, the Communications Team agreed that it was a bad idea to have a flea market in Cheeseland. While the name doesn’t really mean that fleas are involved in the human market, there is a much higher possibility that actual fleas would make an appearance at an animal flea market. So we took another idea from the humans and rebranded it.

How Cats Show Affection Through Their Tails - Cat Explore

So I am here at the 2025 Cheeseland Rummage Sale. Thomas Tabby is here to listen to his constituents. We are going to give you a tour of what is going on.

Sgt Stripes Here’s a familiar face. We didn’t expect to find you here, Gypsy.

Gypsy: What can I say? I though Rummage Sale meant we got to rummage around looking for something that catches our eye.

Sgt Stripes: That’s pretty much the idea. And what cat doesn’t love a good rummage?

Gypsy: You better tell the guy with the meat pies. How was I supposed to know which one I wanted to buy without tasting them? He made me buy the first one I tried. And it was some kind of bird. Yuck! I hate poultry. I thought they’d be, you know meat.

North American raccoon | San Diego Zoo Wildlife Explorers

Sgt Stripes: I see your point about the poultry vs meat. But once you’ve tasted something, they can’t sell it.

Gypsy: Whatever. I hope they have samples at the treats table.

Sgt Stripes walks up to a raccoon family.

Sgt Stripes: How are you enjoying the sale?

Raccoon looking in mirror

Mama Raccoon: We love it. There is so much stuff to paw through. And whoever thought of the fun house for the kids is a genius. Who doesn’t love funny mirrors and tilted floors?

Papa Raccoon: They might want to rethink the balloons though. A lot of the kids are just learning to control their claws. A few of the more timid ones were frightened by all of the popping.

Thomas Tabby: Thank you for sharing. That’s just the type of feedback we’re looking for.

How To Care for Your Pet Rat | PetMD

Sgt Stripes and Thomas Tabby are pleased to see a large crowd of animals. And a lot of the tables were doing a good business. They walk up to a crowded table and find a large, cheerful rat behind it.

Thomas Tabby: You have an interesting assortment of merchandise.

Rat: You may have heard of a rat’s nest being a jumble of things. When my grandfather went over the Rainbow Bridge, he had been working on it for years. And he collected a lot of stuff. This sale is perfect.

Arizona Pack Rats | Atomic Pest Control

Thomas Tabby: Your grandfather would have been pleased to know so many folks will be enjoying his things.

Rat: You’re right. He was a great guy.

Sgt Stripes: Sorry for your loss.

The two tabbies continue around the park. There are all types of things to buy. A beaver was selling wooden toys he had made.

Here are 2 photos of a beaver chewing the bark and cambium off of a branch. Beavers eat tree product, but don't eat the wood itself. They will eat the twigs, leaves,

Sgt Stripes: These are great! If Mom didn’t have a rule against bringing more stuff into the house, I would definitely get something for the small humans.

Beaver: Thank you! I hadn’t really thought about small humans. I was looking more at the puppy/rabbit market. But that is a excellent idea!

They heard a splash and a lot of laughter.

Sgt Stripes: What was that?

Otter Contemplates a Swim in the Puppy Pool — The Daily Otter

Beaver: That’s the Otter Brothers Dunk an Otter game.It is extremely popular. Anyone who buys a piece of their grasshopper cheesecake gets a chance to spin a wheel to dump one of the otters into a vat of water.

Thomas Tabby: We should go over and take a look.

Sgt Stripes: You go right ahead. I do not like water in my fur.

Beaver: They don’t dunk you. It’s one of the otters.

Why Do Cats Hate Water? 5 Reasons & Tips for Bath Time

Nothing would convince Sgt Stripes to go near the water. He got a salmon smoothie and waited on a bench. Finally, Thomas returned. looking a little soggy.

Thomas Tabby: It looks like you were right, Stripes. They aren’t using a water tank; They are using a tub. Every time the otter goes into the tub, it splashes everyone.

Sgt Stripes: I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Where do you want to go next?

Thomas Tabby: There’s something called The Field of Dreams over by the pavilion. It’s a fundraiser for the Cheeseland Hospital.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds interesting. Let’s go!

The Peruvian Llama - Lima Spanish House

The field was very crowded. They finally got to the pavilion. There was a llama directing some other animals.

Sgt Stripes: This looks exciting. What’s going on, and who is in charge. Is it you?

Llama (laughing): No, I’m part of security. You want JJ Gorilla. He’s the brains behind it.

Sgt Stripes: Mr Gorilla, this looks very interesting. Can you explain what is going on?

Gorilla: Please call me JJ. With all of the budget cuts we’ve been going through, the hospital needed to raise some money. A treasure hunt game sounded like a different, fun way to do it.

😻Cats at the Spa😻 - Funny Cats Doing Human Things

Sgt Stripes: Can you explain how it works?

JJ: We got animals to donate some really nice prizes. We have a heated cat condo, and all-you-can eat dinner for six at Freddy’s Fish Factory, and a custom burrow for winter, and a couple’s spa day at Ruth’s Premier Salon and Day Spa. All told, we have ten excellent prizes.

Sgt Stripes: That does sound nice.  Did everyone here have to buy a ticket? How do you decide who wins?

Differences between cats and dogs: Cats Are Not Small Dogs

JJ: Most of them bought a ticket.They were given an envelope. Ten envelopes had a gold printed map, and the rest had a black printed map. The gold maps each lead to one of the prizes. The black maps lead to a bag of treats.

Sgt Stripes: Why are there so many animals here?

JJ: A lot of the animals who got treat bags are trying to help the lucky winners find their prize. The gold maps are very tricky.

Thomas Tabby: It looks like some of them have family and friends helping too.

How often do you find yourself talking to your pets?

JJ: That’s true. Since each map leads to a different prize, there’s no reason to fight.

Sgt Stripes  and Thomas Tabby returned to the main selling area. There were animals everywhere

Thomas Tabby: This didn’t turn out the way I expected it would. I thought it would be just animals bringing in old stuff.

Sgt Stripes: That’s true. But this is so much better.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

26

Do They Sell Fleas at a Flea Market?

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You may recall that Sgt Stripes is on Thomas Tabby’s Communications Team. He is trying to figure out how something that sounded so good could be this far off track. He’s reading through a recent chain on the official Cheeseland social media account @CheeselandHappenings.

Giggles the Angry Cat

@cassiecat Can you believe what they’ve put up on the community bulletin board? It’s an ad for a Flea Market!

Cheeseland Sale

Do they really think any of us will go to an event sponsored by fleas?

What Makes Quokkas So Happy?!? — Well/Beings

@rexrover This is a terrible idea. Do you have any idea how many animals have suffered with flea bites? Or how many of us have suffered through an infestation?

@mimiminx I know we’re supposed to be some kind of ultra-tolerant, open-to-everyone kind of place, but this is ridiculous. Fleas are parasites. Why would we want to get anywhere near a flea?

@goofygiraffe It’s kind of confusing. Is a flea market a place where fleas sell stuff or a place to buy fleas?

Video Shows Curious Bear Cub Open Car Door to Get a Bite of Man's Sandwich - Newsweek

@dabears It sounds like they’re running the thing, so I guess they’re selling stuff. But what would a flea have to sell?

@gingertom I’ve heard that they make flea farms so you can grow your own fleas.

@redthedog That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Who wants to grow fleas?

Buster the Puss in Boots!

@cassiecat That’s probably why they want us to bring stuff to sell. They know no one would come to their lame sale otherwise.

@pussinsandals I bet they’re trying to infiltrate Cheeseland to take it over. If they get enough of us there, they can jump on us while we’re busy looking at other animals’ stuff. They’re probably going to bring lots of pregnant lady fleas. We’re looking at a total infestation if we’re not careful.

@dambuilderbeaver Maybe the doctors are in on it too. They’ll make a fortune helping us get rid of the fleas.

Alligator Steps Up and Rings Doorbell of Florida Home Like a Traveling Salesman - PetHelpful

@alexbear And some of us are allergic. They’re probably trying to ruin our entire way of life.

@alligatore They’re not even animals. I don’t think they should even be allowed in Cheeseland.

@fabfeline You’re right. We need to stop this madness before it gets out of hand. Our very existence may be at stake.

10 Sassy, Fun Cat Facts for Curious Owners

Moderator: Please do not make unsubstantiated accusations on this site. As a point of reference, the term “flea market” refers to a busy second-hand market where previously owned items are resold. The French humans have been having them for over 100 human years.

@fabfeline So why is it called a flea market if the humans invented them?

Moderator: No one knows for sure. Probably because used upholstered furniture would likely have contained fleas. France and other places humans have had fleas in their furniture. It’s actually kind of disgusting. Humans always blame us for fleas.

900+ Best SQUIRREL! ideas in 2025 | squirrel, cute animals, animal pictures

@roborobert That doesn’t make any sense. Why would human fleas be showing up at our fair? I think we need proof that there won’t be any fleas before we set up any tables there.

@artsyaardvark We need to talk to whoever put this thing together. How dumb is it to bring fleas to something that’s full of animals?

@supersquirrel Maybe we could invite some lizards for flea control.

Mad Orange Cat Angry Ginger Tabby Cat Hisses And Attacks Stock Photo Download

@cassiecat I don’t think I want to be a part of something where I have to hire protection.

@dabears Agreed. We don’t want to be a part of anything that has fleas.

@gingertom Who’s responsible for this awful idea? I’d like to have a talk with them.

Cat Rolls up on the Neighborhood Crew and Screams like a Whole Mood - Parade Pets

@tabbytude Isn’t Thomas Tabby responsible for anything that’s between the animals and the humans?

@elephantal I don’t think that includes animals vs parasites.

@tabbytude Maybe not, but I’m not going until someone guarantees there won’t be fleas everywhere.

Sgt Stripes calls an emergency meeting of the Communications Team. They need to save the flea market.

The council will judge you now : r/cats

 

 

17

There Goes the Neighborhood: The Groundhogs’ Bad Season: Part 2

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Groundhog Day: Munching Marmots Emerge From the Scientific Shadows - The New York Times

Where we are: Harold and Madge Groundhog were concerned that their yard was being beautified in preparation of being sold. They were rather fond of their human; they and the other animals pretty much had the run of the place. You can read Part 1 here.

Harold: It’s getting worse. Now the other human, the younger one, is starting to clean up the yard too.

Madge: I know. The sticks are all gone, and the grass is shorter than it’s been in ages.

Harold: And the sidewalks are all clean.

Glastonbury Bittersweet Battlers: Invasive Plants Journal: Wild Grape: A Mixed Blessing

Madge: Our human is out every weekend, clearing away the weeds. I guess it’s more the way humans like it, but I miss the overgrowth. She got rid of all the grape vines. She said they were “invasive.”

Harold: Just because they were trying to root in the vinyl siding.

Sara Squirrel: Isn’t that like ivy-league? I thought that was high-class for humans.

Madge: Beats me. All I know is that the sun is getting into our home a lot more than it used to. And I don’t really feel safe anymore.

Roger Raccoon: Me and my friends have been trying to keep it from getting too clean. We’ve dumped the catnip and tomato plants a couple of times.

Ricky Raccoon: Not that you can tell. It gets cleaned up first thing in the morning.

Harold: And they moved some of the stuff inside.

Madge: They keep putting the catnip back down for that new cat to lie in.

Sara Squirrel: Yeah. Those two cats act like they own the place. I thought for sure the inside cats would try to drive them off, but they don’t seem to care.

Pierre Rabbit: I saw the human planting some stuff in front of the house.

Just then a bat flew over. The bats didn’t really like the rest of the animals, but he was curious about what was going on.

Benson: Hey, guys. What’s up?

Madge: We’re worried that the humans are getting the place ready to sell.

Raccoon Will Clean Your House For Treats [VIDEO] | Raccoon funny, Pet raccoon, Raccoon

Benson: You should see what’s going on inside. Major cleaning. Whole rooms are being cleared out.

Madge: Are they talking about moving?

Benson: I wish. My whole family has been living peacefully in the attic. They stirred everything up; we’re all moving out to the bat house. It’s ridiculous inside.

 Madge: But that’s your home!

Benson: It’s not worth it. The human is afraid of us. Every time she sees a bat, she gets the younger one and he puts us out. We’d rather leave on our own terms.

Guide to game: Rabbit and hare

Pierre: It’s not so bad out here. We have a lot of room, and no one bothers us.

Priscilla Rabbit: Did you hear the humans say anything about selling the house?

Benson: No. That’s not what’s going on. I guess that the other main human died a couple of years ago. They’re just finally getting around to really cleaning everything up. It’s a big house and a big yard.

Harold: Yeah. I guess it would take a lot of energy to get things straightened out.

Benson: The humans who are left said something about the one who’s gone being a pack rat. I don’t really know what that means. I saw pictures. He looks like all the other humans.

Cute Mouse Wallpapers - Top Free Cute Mouse Backgrounds - WallpaperAccess

Harold: Weird. I don’t think we have rats around here. I think they look like big mice.

Mortimer Mouse: Yeah. Kinda. But not so cute.

Harold: Do you know what a pack rat is?

Mortimer: I think it has something to do with the way that some rats hoard things.

Benson: Yeah. That sounds right. They are throwing away a LOT of stuff in the house.

Harold: And a lot of stuff out here.

cat loves bunny | Cat love, Rabbit pictures, Pet bunny

Priscilla: But they attracted those two cats. I don’t really like cats.

Pierre: But as long as they feed the cats, the cats don’t bother us.

Priscilla: Good point.

Roger: If they’re not cleaning to sell, we can probably stop trashing the plants on the porch.

Ricky: Sounds good to me. They’re not growing anything good anyway.

Madge (sighing): I guess that means I have to live with less privacy.

Woodchuck Food Habits - Woodchuck Wonderland

Benson: I overheard them say something about moving some of the peonies into the space they cleared.

Madge: Ooh! I love peonies. I hope that’s soon.

Benson: I did hear one other thing. There is no plan to clear the back area anytime soon.

Ricky: All right! Block party this weekend!!

My favorite animal in i party hat, how cute!! | Pet raccoon, Dumb animals, Raccoon funny

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

7

The Animal Rights Coalition – Part 4

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Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) has been working to stop humans from using their names as insults. They have had no luck with submitting a petition or trying to meet with the members of the Human Council. Gregg Bear and Ivan Tiger decide that it is time to consult with a lawyer. (Links to the previous sections are found at the right)

Gregg and Ivan are waiting in the offices of Sharkfin and Sharkfin to meet with the attorney. A well-groomed Siamese cat approached them.

Siamese: Hello, I’m Greta. I’ve been assigned your case.

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Gregg and Ivan looked at each other. Was this some kind of joke? This cat was not going to intimidate a bunch of humans. What was she going to do? Purr loud?

Ivan: Meaning no disrespect….

Greta: You want to know why I’m not a shark, right?

Gregg: Actually, yes. We’ve been trying to get a bunch of humans to listen to us and we wanted someone to get their attention.

Greta: Actually, that’s why they sent me. If you two aren’t going to intimidate them, we certainly won’t.

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Ivan: What do we do?

Greta: First, you have to know what is going to get their attention. What can you do that they can’t ignore? When do you interact with the humans?

Ivan: We see them at the stores and at work. But that’s just the regular humans.

Greta: OK. But they’re all just regular humans.

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Ivan: Some of them are more important. They own things and tell other people what to do.

Gregg: We want to get their attention.

Greta: Then you need to make them understand that their insults are having an impact on their business. You need to tell people to stop using their products until the humans stop insulting you.

Gregg and Ivan left, confused. They had wanted to hire someone to sue the humans. This cat wanted them to educate the humans. They called another ARC meeting.

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Gregg: We met with a lawyer. She said that we need to get the humans to see that we’re important to their business before they’ll listen to us.

Cecile Ferret: I guess that makes sense. They’ve thought they’re better and smarter than us forever.

Joe Iguana: They take us for granted.

Ivan: That’s what the lawyer said.

Ralph: OK. What do we do?

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The animals talked about which businesses they might be able to influence. They decided that they would only do one at first to see if anything happened. The first business they targeted was Adderson’s Shoe Supplies. They posted this message outside shoe stores:

“Please buy a brand other than Adderson’s. Their advertising calls tired, stinky feet “dogs”. We want them to find a different way to sell their product. Thank you. ARC

The signs didn’t work. People still bought the shoes.

Gregg: I don’t think this is a very good idea.

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Joe: I don’t know why we chose shoes. We don’t wear shoes. We should have done food. Food is always good.

Cecile: Did you hear? We made the news!

“Tonight’s local take is the boycott ARC is trying to start against Adderson’s Shoes for slander. It seems the animals are finally tired of being insulted. Good luck!”

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Ivan: Great. We’ll need it.

Cecile: It gets better. Look at this:

Animal call for end to insults spreads. Several areas have picked up on the ARC animals’ quest to end animal name insults. Protest is gaining momentum.

Three months later: Due to grass-roots pressure from their customers, humans included, the Human Council began the process to identify and eliminate institutional animal insults.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

17

The Animal Rights Coalition – Part 3

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Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) tried to take a petition to a human council meeting, but were barred from entering. ARC wanted the humans to stop using animal names as insults. A guard took the petition and said that he would give it to council.

Two weeks went by before the animals received a letter from W. Charles Smith, President of the Council on Human/Animal Relations:

Dear Animals

We have received your petition listing your concerns about us using your names as insults. We appreciate your bringing this matter to our attention. I have assigned a committee to look into the matter.

Sincerely

W.C. Smith

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Julie Giraffe: Those rotten rutabagas! They’re just trying to get rid of us.

Roni Baboon: You’re right, Julie. They’re not going to do anything.

Chester Rabbit: I’m afraid you’re right. We’ll have to try something else.

Ralph Badger: Let’s dig under their building and let it collapse.

Benny Buffalo: No, let’s stampede them.

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Simon Skunk: No, we should sabotage their air filtration.

Chester: Calm down, everyone. That’s not going to make anyone happy. We need to work together.

Chrissy Calico: I don’t know what we can do. They don’t respect us at all. Remember what he called us? “Cute.” Humans don’t pay attention to “cute”.

Gregg Bear: OK, let me talk to them. They won’t think I’m cute and cuddly. I’m over 500 pounds of muscle and fur.

Ivan Tiger: I’ll go too. I can growl loud enough to scare any human.

Ralph: I guess that will work. But be polite. Otherwise, they’ll call you animals.

Chrissy: They are animals.

Ralph: I know. But humans use it as an insult.

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Gregg and Ivan walked over to the Council Hall and went in the front door. The receptionist looked up and asked if she could help them.

Ivan: Yes, thank you. We would like to see Mr. Smith, please.

Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?

Ivan: No, we don’t. Please tell him we’re from ARC.

Receptionist (knowing there would be trouble if she let a bear and a tiger into the building): Mr. Smith doesn’t see anyone without an appointment.

Ivan: Please tell him that we won’t take up much of his time.

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Receptionist (beginning to get nervous): I’m sorry, but you’ll have to make an appointment.

Ivan: Please just ask.

Receptionist: All right. Let me check.

She called someone and said that there was a bear and a tiger to see Charles. No, they weren’t threatening. They were very polite. She listened, then hung up the phone.

Receptionist: Someone will be out shortly.

Ivan: Thank you.

Ivan and Gregg moved to the side of the lobby and waited. Before long, two security guards arrived.

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Security Guard: What seems to be the problem?

Ivan: There isn’t a problem. We just want to see Mr. Smith.

Security Guard: Didn’t the lady tell you you’d need an appointment?

Ivan: Yes, she did. We just need a minute of his time.

Guard: He won’t see you. You need to leave.

Ivan: Why won’t he see us?

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The guard didn’t want to tell them that Mr. Smith was afraid of large animals.

Guard: He can see whoever he wants.

Gregg: That’s ridiculous. Just let us past. We’ll find him ourselves.

Guard (nervously): You need to go now.

Ivan was getting irritated. He let out a low growl. Gregg took a step toward the guard.

Gregg: Now see here…

Guard: Leave this minute or I’ll call the police.

Gregg: Let us past you.

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The guard picked up the phone.

Guard: Yes, we need you at the Council Hall. There’s a bear and a tiger here. We need you to get them out of here. They’re meaner than grizzlies.

Gregg: I AM a grizzly.

Guard: I mean they’re madder than wet hens.

Gregg and Ivan looked at each other in disgust and stalked out the door.

Ivan: I guess we’ll have to get a lawyer.

He took out his phone and entered the number.

Voice: Sharkfin and Sharkfin, Attorneys-at-Law. How may I help you?

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12

The Animal Rights Coalition – Part 2

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Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) has decided that they need to send a petition to the humans telling them how offensive they found the use of animals in a lot of the human insults.

Douglas Gorilla was ready to read the petition that his group had put together to the rest of the members.

Douglas: We spent quite a lot of time putting this together and would like the input of everyone else to make it as good as possible.

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Dear Humans

We would like you to reconsider your usage of animal names in your insults. For example, “hairy as an ape,” is not considered an insult in our world. We would appreciate you not using it in such a manner either. There are many other examples of problem phrases.

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We feel that such insults stereotype us, generally in a negative way. You use “snake in the grass” to define someone who looks harmless, but can’t be trusted. Snakes live in the grass because that’s a logical place for someone to be who doesn’t have feet or legs. They only feel threatened if someone comes near. Humans with big feet and boots are especially scary to snakes.

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We would be happy to work with you to create a list of more appropriate insults at whatever time and place is convenient for you. We will provide a translator, if you like.

You may respond to carabbit@arcanimals.org, We look forward to hearing from you.

 Sincerely,

Animal Rights Coalition

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Douglas: We thought that everyone could sign so they know it’s a group effort.

Ida Hyena: I think it’s great. If I hear one more “laughing like a hyena joke,” I might have to bare my teeth in public.

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Jeni Dodo: I agree. We could suggest that they could just use “dumb as a rock,” rather than “dodo”, it would be great.

Chester: All in favor of sending the petition?

The result was unanimous. They decided that they would deliver the petition by hand/paw. Chester and Chrissy Calico were chosen so the humans wouldn’t feel intimidated.

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A few days later, Chester and Chrissy went to a human council meeting. They were stopped at the door.

Guard: This is a human meeting. No animals.

Chester: We just want to deliver a petition to your council.

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Guard: Let me check.

He called someone on his phone. Chester and Chrissy waited patiently. The guard explained the situation. They heard him say, “Actually, they’re pretty cute. Nothing dangerous at all.”

Guard: He said that you can’t go in, but I can take your petition and they will look at it after the meeting and get back with you.

Chester and Chrissy looked at each other. It seemed like there was no other option. They gave the petition to the guard.Image result for rabbit and cat

Next week: What will the humans do with the petition? Will they even look at it?

 

All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

 

 

8

The Animal Rights Coalition

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Chester Rabbit called the quarterly meeting of the Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) to order.

Chester: Welcome everyone. We need to finish one item from our last meeting before we can move on to today’s agenda. We have to finish our discussion about how to address the human use of animal names as insults. The first thing we need to do is reopen the topic.

The animals started to talk among themselves. This item was very important to all of them and they were eager to get back to work.

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Buddy Squirrel: I move to reopen the topic.

Ralph Badger: I second the motion.

Chester: All right. How many in favor?

Paws and hands went up around the room.

Chester: How many opposed?

Dead silence.

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Chester: The motion passed. Ballou, please turn on the recorder.

Ballou Bear, whose mother was a huge movie fan, flipped the switch. It was so much easier to get started now that they could record rather than manually write down the notes. The simians had insisted on the purchase. They were tired of always being the ones to write.

Chester: The best way to start is to identify exactly what we mean by insults. Remember the rules: no talking over others, no arguing with someone’s ideas, and no intimidation. One idea per animal. If you choose to present multiple ideas, wait until after the others have had their turn.

The animals quickly lined up to speak:

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“catty/catfight” – Why is it that when two women say nasty things to each other it’s being catty? We’re not mean. But even worse, if they end up actually hitting each other, it’s a catfight? Everyone knows that most of us don’t fight, and if we do, it’s most likely the males.

“eat like a pig/act like a pig” – Where did we get the reputation that we’re sloppy and eat too much? We’re actually clean animals; we use the mud to cool off. And we don’t eat that much compared to what we weight. We’re this big because of the way we’re made, not because we eat too much.

“dog-faced/dog” – Why are we the standard for ugly? We’re just like every other species. Some of us are good looking, some not so much. But to classify all of us as ugly is just mean.

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“eat like a bird” – They say it like it’s some kind of eating disorder. We eat like we do because we have beaks. We can’t pick up a lot of food at one time. We eat all through the day; we need energy for flying.

“ugly duckling” – This insult is just rude. Why would you call someone’s child ugly? We know it’s because the baby swan didn’t look like the baby ducks, but that doesn’t mean it was really ugly.

“batty/bats in the belfry” – What makes us the standard for crazy? We fly at night, but so do owls, and they’re supposed to be wise. As far as hanging out in a belfry, it’s a good place to sleep. It’s high, it’s isolated, and the humans can’t get at us.

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“a leopard can’t change his spots” – Of course we can’t. That would be like asking them to change their skin. Why does that get connected to people who can’t change their bad habits? Our fur is not something that should be changed.

“big as a cow” – we agree with the pigs. Just because we’re made a certain way doesn’t entitle humans to use it to insult other humans. Maybe they should be more like us and just accept each other.

“badger someone” – We’re persistent and thorough. How did that get translated into a person who becomes offensive trying to make a point? It seems like they don’t even understand how any of us really are.

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The other animals all nodded in agreement.

Chester: I think that’s a good start. Now we need a few animals to draft our petition to the humans. Is anyone interested?

A bear, two gorillas, and a beaver all agreed to work on something.

Chester: Does anyone want to schedule an extra meeting for next month to decide what our next steps will be?

Douglas Gorilla: So moved.

Ballou: Second.

The motion passed.

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Next week: Do the animals think the petition is ready to go to the humans?