Tag Archives: lawyers

16

Does Cheeseland Discriminate Against Humans? Part 2

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Where we are: Cheeseland has received notice of its first-ever lawsuit. The city is being sued for discrimination in its hiring practices. Cheeseland is being represented by JJ Gorilla, widely considered the best animal for the job. David (the human) wasn’t as lucky. He’s talking with a couple of friends.

David: Pete, you told me this was going to be easy. “How hard can it be? They’re just a bunch of dumb animals.” I can’t even find a lawyer.

Steve: Why not? It should be simple. Obviously, a human is more qualified than a polar bear to sell tickets at an ice arena.

David: You would think. But apparently that’s not true if the customers are all animals. They say that some of the animals are afraid of humans. I’m not sure, but I think they said rabbits and deer.

Pete: Did you tell them you’re not going to eat the customers?

David: The whole thing didn’t go well. When they said Animal English, I thought it would be like talking to someone with an accent. It was a really strong accent.

Steve: What are you going to do? Give up?

David: No. I think the animals need to see that humans deserve jobs too.

 

Steve: Are you going without a lawyer?

David: No, they’re required to give me representation.

Pete: Are you getting a gorilla too? Or a shark?

Steve: Or a snake? That would be cool.

David: Um, no. The free representation is provided by animals just out of school. And they’re trying to open the profession up to a wider variety of animals.

Steve: So what is it?

David: She’s a French Poodle. Her name is Abbie, and she’s really smart. She’s meeting with that gorilla this afternoon.

David’s friends laughed, and the conversation moved on. Meanwhile, JJ and Abbie were meeting.

JJ: Thank you for coming to my office, Abbie. The judge prefers that the two sides meet before the court date to see if they can find common ground.

Abbie: Of course. I can’t believe I’m in the same court case as JJ Gorilla. Your book on compromise is required reading at law school. You’re a big part of why we have so little legal conflict in Cheeseland, Mr Gorilla.

JJ: Please call me JJ. It’s very kind of you to say that.

 

Abbie: Do you think we can find a compromise? My client wants either a job or money.

JJ: Sounds like a human. Does he know that money isn’t really used in Cheesland the way it is in human cities?

Abbie: I tried to explain that working in Cheeseland probably wasn’t a good move financially because we do a lot of barter here, so he may not find a job in his expected compensation range.

JJ: And even if he wins his suit, he isn’t going to get a lot of money.

Abbie: Do you have any idea what he might Goget if he does win? I don’t think he’s really qualified to get a job where he talks to animals. I’m having a lot of trouble understanding him. He uses some type of human translator that isn’t very good.

 

JJ: Then he’s not actually qualified for customer service positions. We’ll assume he’s doing that human thing where they expect us to pay to have him not go around telling everyone how horrible it is to be a human in Cheeseland.

Abbie: You are correct. So how much would Cheeseland be willing to pay him?

JJ: He wants $500,000, which is totally ridiculous. We don’t really care if his human friends don’t want to come here. Luckily for him, animals are a little more ethical. We try to do the right thing.

JJ starts to work on his laptop while Abbie looks at the books in his office. After a few minutes, he invites Abbie over to look at his screen.

JJ: Since your client doesn’t really have a case, here’s what we can do. Fifty thousand dollars in cash, one year’s free pass to all Cheeseland municipal events and parks, and a lifetime supply of fertilizer.

 

Abbie realizes that she will need to speak to her client, and he will not be happy. She goes outside to present the offer. She comes back a few minutes later.

Abbie: My client has refused your offer. He says it’s either a job or he’s going to sue for $1 million.

JJ: Any type of job?

Abbie: Yes. He says that he has to have a job or he’s suing in human court.

JJ: That would be very unfortunate. Let me make a couple of calls. You’re sure he would take any job?

Abbie: That’s what he says.

JJ talks to a couple of animals while Abbie waits outside. She returns after JJ opens the door.

JJ: I have two job opportunities for your client. Can we call him together? I’ll link him into AnimalView.

Abbie called her client and nodded to JJ.

JJ: Hello David. I’m JJ Gorilla, and I’m representing Cheeseland. Can you understand what I’m saying?

David: Yes…you hear me?

JJ looked at Abbie. She nodded again.

JJ: I understand that you want a job in Cheeselabnd and will sue us if you can’t get one.

David: That’s correct. It’s my right as a human being.

JJ: Okay. I have two offers to choose from. If you take either of them, you need to sign a form saying you will not sue Cheeseland. Do you understand?

David nodded.

JJ: After reviewing your qualifications, we’ve found two jobs that match. You have to choose one of the jobs if you want to work here. You want to be treated exactly the same as the animals, correct?

David nodded again.

JJ: The first job is at the fertilizer plant. Your job would be in client relations for the human accounts.

David: That sounds pretty good. What’s the other job?

 

JJ: That one is on an apple farm. You would be responsible for building maintenance. It’s a pretty physical job, but you don’t really have to worry about talking.

David: The first job, definitely. Thank you for straightening everything out, Mr. Gorilla. Thank you, Abbie.

After the details were ironed out, JJ called Angel Cat to tell her she could report on the outcome of the lawsuit.

Pictures generated using Gemini AI

27

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation – Part 3

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Feeding Cuteness on the Himalayas: Up Close and Personal with Adorable Marmots

Where we are: Sophie Marmot and her daughters woke up from hibernation to a clubhouse for their subdivision being built right over their burrow. Unable to stop construction on her own, Sophie has hired  an attorney, Java Gorilla, to help her. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Xavier News | GRIZZLY versus GORILLA: Who Would Win?

Java has been granted an emergency order to stop construction on the clubhouse. He told Sophie and the girls that it was safe to stay in their burrow and that they should stay there so there would be no issue of abandonment. In the meantime, he sent out his ace evidence team, the Super Sleuth Snake Squad (S4) to see what they could find. He had requested a hearing in front of Judge Peter T Possum. Sophie was visiting his office.

Gorilla In Hat Sitting At The Desk Background, Funny Picture Work, Funny, Picture Background Image And Wallpaper for Free Download

Sophie: How are things looking, Java?

Java: Let me find out. Spencer, would you please come in here?

A very large prairie rattlesnake came in. Sophie was terrified. Java spoke up quickly.

Java: Don’t worry Sophie. He won’t hurt you. Spencer is my top investigator. He’s here to help you.

Spencer: Very pleased to meet you.

Sophie: P-p-pleased to meet you.

Prairie Rattlesnake

Java: What have you found out, Spencer?

Spencer: First, the original plan filed with the county doesn’t show a clubhouse. That was added later.

Java: Does it show the clubhouse over Sophie’s burrow?

Spencer: Originally it was going to be quite a ways south of her burrow. It was going to be at the edge of the subdivision, bordering on land that is currently occupied by bears.

Marmots | Catseye Pest Control

Sophie: That agrees with what my neighbors told me. How did it end up over my burrow?

Spencer: That is an excellent question. There is no paperwork filed for that location. My team is still working on that.

Sophie: Will it be ready in time for our meeting with the judge?

Java: Don’t worry. S4 has never let me down.

Picked-On Marmots May Inherit Their Low Social Position | Discover Magazine

Sophie went home feeling very nervous. Java seemed like such a nice, professional gorilla. What if the snakes couldn’t find anything. By the time the meeting with the judge occurred, she was sure they wouldn’t be able to find anything to hold Maurice Dupree accountable.

When she arrived at the court building, she saw Java waiting for her. She also saw Maurice, the president of the Homeowners Association (HOA). He looked very relaxed and was talking on his phone. They all went in and sat in a conference room. Maurice did not have an attorney with him.

Opossum | Game Commission | Commonwealth of Pennsylvania

Judge Possum: I understand that we are here to determine whether or not a clubhouse should be build over the burrow of Ms. Sophie Marmot-Jones. Is that correct?

Maurice: That is correct, Your Honor.

Java: Yes, that is the issue. My client woke up from hibernation to the sound of stakes being driven into her living quarters.

Maurice: She knew when she moved in that there we were going to build a clubhouse in the spring. She signed a contract with that information included. I have a copy with me.

Koko Eats Paper - The Gorilla Foundation

He handed the contract to the judge. Judge Possum looked at the section that Maurice had highlighted.

Judge Possum: I see that construction of the clubhouse was included. However, I don’t see a location.

Java: That’s because the location on the paperwork is not where he was building. The paperwork he filed shows the clubhouse being on the other side of the subdivision.

Maurice: You obviously missed the addendum we filed. We had to move the clubhouse because the original location was in a high-traffic part of the subdivision.

Mount Rainier National Park... - Mount Rainier National Park

Judge Possum: Please give me a copy of that addendum.

Maurice: My assistant filed it. It should be public record.

Judge Possum: Then give me a copy.

Java: Excuse me, your Honor. We have researched the public records thoroughly. There is no addendum,. However, we did find someone who knows why it was moved. May I give you their statement?

Angry Gorilla by Paulette Thomas

Maurice: I have a right to see what you’re giving the judge.

Judge Possum: He’s right. He should have been given a copy.

Java: I didn’t think I needed to give it to him. He’s one of the signers on the document.

Maurice: That’s ridiculous. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

More cute opossum. | Fandom

Judge Possum: Let me see it.

The judge looked over the paperwork. It was a short note attached to a receipt.

Judge Possum: This says you moved the clubhouse after Rafael Bear performed several jobs for you. You signed the receipt.

Maurice: It wasn’t going to be a problem until Sophie moved in at the end of the summer. That spot had been open for a long time.

37 Photos of Ridiculously Happy Animals that are Bound to Make You Smile

Judge Possum: I see. She’s there now, and she shouldn’t have to live with stakes in her home and all of the noise. You’re going to have to remove all of the building materials from that location and build somewhere else. Be sure to file the correct paperwork the next time.

Maurice: Yes, Your Honor.

Java: Thank you, Your Honor.

Happy Birthday Marmots! – The Vancouver Island Marmot Recovery Foundation

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

19

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation – Part 2

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Himalayan marmot, India 2016 | Only one species of marmot (M… | Flickr

Where we are: Sophie Marmot and her daughters had moved into a new burrow last fall. They had awoken from hibernation to find that their Homeowners Association (HOA) was building a clubhouse directly over their burrow. Both the builders and the president of the HOA told her that nothing could be done. You can read about it here.

Fur flies as angry Swiss farmers take aim at marmots

After talking to some of her neighbors, Sophie had learned  that the clubhouse was not originally planned to be over her burrow. The original plan was to build it near the entry of the subdivision, just off the woods.There had been a lot of arguing among the animals who lived in the woods but would not be allowed to use the clubhouse. As far as anyone knew, the issue hadn’t been resolved prior to hibernation.

Long-tailed marmot - Wikipedia

Sophie: I guess I need to find out who decided to move it over my burrow.

Nelly: That won’t be easy. Maurice controls everything.

Sophie: Then I’ll have to talk to a lawyer. We have an old family friend who should be able to help.

Sophie and the girls made an appointment to see Stanley J Marmot, Attorney at Law.

Alpine Marmot (Marmota marmota) · iNaturalist

Stanley: Welcome to my office. May I ask how you got my name? I like to thank folks who send me referrals.

Sophie: Actually you did some work for my uncle, Stuart Yellow-Belly, and my father Mortimer.

Stanley thought for a few minutes.

Stanley: I’m sorry, what did you say your uncle’s name was?

Sophie: Stuart Yellow-Belly

Stanley: You’d think I would remember a name like that.

photographs by Mark Chappell

The girls looked at each other and tried not to giggle.

Sophie: You helped him sell some property. He spoke very highly of you.

Stanley: That’s nice to hear. How is Stuart?

Sophie: Unfortunately, he passed away last year.

Stanley: I’m sorry to hear that. You said I knew your father as well?

Sophie: Yes, Mortimer Yellow-Belly.

Yellow Bellied Marmot | Umpqua Watersheds

Stanley: Those are very interesting names. Your grandmother was very creative.

Sophie: She was a yellow-bellied Marmot.

Stanley. Oh, yes. That makes sense. Did you have a reason to come by?

Sophie was wondering if she should just tell him that she had changed her mind. But her father had spoken very highly of Stanley. So she told him the entire story about purchasing the burrow and waking up to a clubhouse being built over it. Stuart had closed his eyes, and she wasn’t certain he was still awake.

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Sophie: So I was speaking with my neighbors who have been in the HOA longer than us. They said that the plan had not been to build the clubhouse over my burrow. I need to find out why the plans changed.

Stanley: That does sound very unfortunate. Did you sign a contract with the HOA?

Sophie: Yes, I did. I brought it with me.

Stanley glanced over the contract and stopped at the last page.

Marmot - Wikipedia

Stanley: Is this your signature?

Sophie: Yes, it is.

Stanley: Then you have to abide by the rules of the HOA.

Sophie: But there’s nothing in that about the location of the clubhouse. I need you to find out whether it was changed after I moved into my burrow.

Stanley: How would you suggest I do that?

Sophie: I don’t know. That’s why I need a lawyer.

Yosemite)Nose to Nose....yet another marmot picture but t… | Flickr

Stanley: Oh. I see. I really don’t see that you have much of a case here. You did agree to live in the subdivision with this HOA setting the rules.

Sophie was almost in tears.

Sophie: Thank you for your time.

Stanley: My pleasure. Please say hello to your uncle and father for me.

World Wildlife Fund | WWFGifts Catalog

When they returned to their burrow, they discovered that the entryway had partially collapsed from the work above it. They had to dig out a new entry.

Nikki: Mama, do we have to move?

Sophie: No, sweetie. We’re going to have to figure out a way to stop the building. Maybe I should talk to that nice bear I met the other day.

Nikki: Bears are scary. I don’t think you should do that.

Viaero Wireless - It's Groundhog Day! | Facebook

Zoe had been scrolling through her phone. She handed it to her mother.

Zoe: Maybe you should try this guy. It says he specializes in helping prey animals against predators.

Nikki: We’re not going to be eaten.

Zoe: No. But we’re definitely less powerful than Maurice.

Photo & Art Print Gorilla monkey looking at smartphone. Generative AI

Sophie (looking at the phone): I guess it’s worth a try.

Sophie dialed the number and waited nervously. 

Voice: Java J Gorilla, Attorney-at-Law. How can I help you?

Sophie quickly explained what was going on.

Meet Shabani the gorilla, the internet's latest unlikely crush | Animals | The Guardian

Java: What is the name of the subdivision?

Sophie: Marmot Meadows.

Java: Who is in charge of the HOA?

Sophie: Maurice Dupree.

Java: I know that name. And I think I can help you.

Rain is not doing us good... - Gorilla safari uganda. | Facebook

Next week: Can Java actually do anything for Sophie?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

7

The Animal Rights Coalition – Part 4

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Image result for animals as attorneys meme

Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) has been working to stop humans from using their names as insults. They have had no luck with submitting a petition or trying to meet with the members of the Human Council. Gregg Bear and Ivan Tiger decide that it is time to consult with a lawyer. (Links to the previous sections are found at the right)

Gregg and Ivan are waiting in the offices of Sharkfin and Sharkfin to meet with the attorney. A well-groomed Siamese cat approached them.

Siamese: Hello, I’m Greta. I’ve been assigned your case.

Image result for confused bear

Gregg and Ivan looked at each other. Was this some kind of joke? This cat was not going to intimidate a bunch of humans. What was she going to do? Purr loud?

Ivan: Meaning no disrespect….

Greta: You want to know why I’m not a shark, right?

Gregg: Actually, yes. We’ve been trying to get a bunch of humans to listen to us and we wanted someone to get their attention.

Greta: Actually, that’s why they sent me. If you two aren’t going to intimidate them, we certainly won’t.

Image result for tiger with human

Ivan: What do we do?

Greta: First, you have to know what is going to get their attention. What can you do that they can’t ignore? When do you interact with the humans?

Ivan: We see them at the stores and at work. But that’s just the regular humans.

Greta: OK. But they’re all just regular humans.

Image result for animal business meme

Ivan: Some of them are more important. They own things and tell other people what to do.

Gregg: We want to get their attention.

Greta: Then you need to make them understand that their insults are having an impact on their business. You need to tell people to stop using their products until the humans stop insulting you.

Gregg and Ivan left, confused. They had wanted to hire someone to sue the humans. This cat wanted them to educate the humans. They called another ARC meeting.

Image result for animal meeting

Gregg: We met with a lawyer. She said that we need to get the humans to see that we’re important to their business before they’ll listen to us.

Cecile Ferret: I guess that makes sense. They’ve thought they’re better and smarter than us forever.

Joe Iguana: They take us for granted.

Ivan: That’s what the lawyer said.

Ralph: OK. What do we do?

Image result for clean dog

The animals talked about which businesses they might be able to influence. They decided that they would only do one at first to see if anything happened. The first business they targeted was Adderson’s Shoe Supplies. They posted this message outside shoe stores:

“Please buy a brand other than Adderson’s. Their advertising calls tired, stinky feet “dogs”. We want them to find a different way to sell their product. Thank you. ARC

The signs didn’t work. People still bought the shoes.

Gregg: I don’t think this is a very good idea.

Image result for animal picnic meme

Joe: I don’t know why we chose shoes. We don’t wear shoes. We should have done food. Food is always good.

Cecile: Did you hear? We made the news!

“Tonight’s local take is the boycott ARC is trying to start against Adderson’s Shoes for slander. It seems the animals are finally tired of being insulted. Good luck!”

Image result for luck animal

Ivan: Great. We’ll need it.

Cecile: It gets better. Look at this:

Animal call for end to insults spreads. Several areas have picked up on the ARC animals’ quest to end animal name insults. Protest is gaining momentum.

Three months later: Due to grass-roots pressure from their customers, humans included, the Human Council began the process to identify and eliminate institutional animal insults.

Image result for happy animals

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.