16

Gator Family Vacation: A Punk Croc Odessey

Why Are Alligators Showing Up on Beaches? | The Weather Channel

Stan and Adele were basking in the warm Michigan sun. For some reason, the family had decided to vacation Up North by Lake Michigan this year.

Suzy: Hey, Dad. Who planned this year’s vacation? It’s really pretty here.

Justine: It is pretty. But I got cold last night. You should have packed blankets, Mom.

Adele: It’s no worse than home in the winter.

Alligator On Sand - DesiComments.com

Stan: We’re only going to be here a few more days. I really like the sand. It doesn’t catch in my toes like the rocks by our creek.

Adele: I’m pretty sure your cousin Danny suggested it. He came up here when he was interviewing for a residency.

Suzy: I can’t believe he graduated from Animal Tech and is a real bird doctor.

Justine: I still think it’s goofy that he wants to treat birds. Where’s he going to work?

Stan: He got a really good offer from a clinic in the Everglades.

Everglades Holiday Park Airboat Tours & Rides | Alligators

Justine: Ooh! Gator nirvana! And he won’t have to worry about snow like up here. I can’t believe he even considered Michigan.

Adele: I guess they have a lot of birds in all these trees.

Just then, they heard a loud splash. Cousin Penelope had married her boyfriend Maxwell. They were trying to get their son Stephen into the water.

Penelope: C’mon, sweetie. Let’s go in the water.

Stephen: I don’t want to, Mama. You know I don’t like water.

Do Alligators Live in Saltwater or Freshwater? - AZ Animals

Maxwell: Don’t be ridiculous. You’re an alligator. We love water. It’s how we cool down.

Stephen: I’m not hot.

Maxwell: We’ll just get our feet wet.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Penelope: It’ll be fun.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Maxwell snuck up behind Stephen and pushed hard with his snout. Stephen landed in the water with a thud. The water only came partway up his legs, but Stephen was not happy. He started howling.

Young alligators basking under the sun. - Picture of Alligator Adventure,  North Myrtle Beach - Tripadvisor

Penelope: Stephen, just relax. It’s only water. You’ll have fun if you stop complaining. Look at your cousins. They’re having a great time.

Stephen: I don’t care. I don’t like water.

Finally, Penelope and Maxwell gave up. They all returned to the beach. Stephen was shivering.

Justine: How bizarre.

Suzy (giggling): You know what a princess Penelope has always been. The kid’s just like her.

Alligator Adventure - North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - Top Brunch Spots

The gators laid on the warm sand and enjoyed the sun with their eyes closed. Stan was just about asleep.

Granny: Stan! Wake up! I have to talk to you.

Stan opened one eye.

Stan: What’s up?

Granny: It’s your Uncle Stu. He needs your help.

Stu was a beloved elder member of the family. He kept the others entertained with his stories. Part of the reason he had so many stories was his legendarily bad sense of direction. He spent many hours being in the wrong place and trying to get home.

dreamt that alligators and crocodiles became famous music artists and it  was very popular news, they also wore headphones for some reason : r/Dreams

He hadn’t joined the family vacation because he was spending the summer touring with his favorite punk croc band, Acrocalypse. He had been a fan for years, since it had evolved from its swamp rock roots, the band Creedence Crocodile Redemption.

Stu had been welcomed by the band and had been traveling with them on the tour bus. He did odd jobs along the way. It seemed to be working out well for everyone.

Stan: What happened? Did he miss the bus?

Granny: I don’t think so. He said he needs your help.

Gators – Gatorland

Stan: Doing what?

Granny: He didn’t say. But he want you to meet him in Detroit.

Stan loved Uncle Stu, but it was always an adventure when Stu needed help. Nothing was ever easy.

Stan: Why me? Everyone’s in Michigan. Can’t someone else go? What about my family?

You can take them with you. Please? Do it for me.

Stan sighed. He talked to Adele, and they made plans to leave for Detroit in the morning.

Next week: If he wasn’t lost, why did Stu need Stan?

Robert Irwin Shares Video Of Alligator Enjoying A Car Ride | ETCanada.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

Hibernation Prep – Fall 2021 – Part 2

Winter Rituals: Nighty-Night Bears - Earthfire Institute

Where we are – the Bearlingtons were in the midst of preparing for hibernation when Papa’s brother Sam appeared at their door. He had been kicked out of the house last spring after disrupting the previous hibernation and eating all of their food. Sam has recently been kicked out by his girlfriend and is looking for a place to stay.

After being greeted with less-than-open-arms by Mama, Sam is taking a walk while the family discusses his situation.

A Bears Quest for Food | Wise About Bears

Papa: Shelly, be reasonable. He doesn’t have any place else to go.

Mama: That’s his own fault. It sounds like he was as much of a loaf at her house as he was here.

Kenny: I like Uncle Sammy! He’s fun.

Carl: Yeah! He let’s us eat whatever we want and run around the cave.

Kenny: And he give great rides.

Finland: Teacher 3 Bear Cubs Dancing & Playing Like Human Kids

Mama: And you boys are totally wild when he’s here.

Carl: Mama! We’re bears. We’re supposed to be wild.

Mama: We live in the suburbs. You need to behave like civilized bears.

bear on the beach | Bear, Polar bear, Beach

Penelope: He’s really funny. Remember those impressions he did of the humans he met at the beach? (mimicking) “Alice, is that a bear? That can’t be a bear! Bears don’t go to the beach.”

Papa (laughing): I’d forgotten about that. He is the only bear I know who goes to the beach when the humans are around.

Penelope: He must be really brave.

Mama: Or not very bright. Humans carry diseases. He should stay away from them.

BEARLY HOLDING ON: A BEAR SQUADICLE | SCAD Radio

Just then, Sam reappeared. He was carrying a basket of salmon and and another one fully of blueberries. He handed them to Mama.

Sam: Here, Shelly. I wanted to make up for some of the food I ate last year that you had been saving.

Mama: Thank you, Sam. That’s very sweet. Where will you go if you can’t stay here?

Sam: I was thinking about that. I think that there may be an empty spot further up the coast. I remember hearing some deer talking about a shelter near Kapoka.

Papa: That’s a long ways off. Do you know anyone up there?

Sam: Not really. But it should be fairly sheltered and safe.

happy bear, spring, grass,happiness | Cute animals, Animals, Cute creatures

Penelope: Will you come back in the spring, Uncle Sam?

Sam: I don’t know. There really isn’t anything for me around here. Maybe it’s time for me to make a fresh start.

Penelope: You can’t go that far without knowing for sure you’ll find shelter.

Kenny: What if the place is full of mean bears?

Sam: Don’t worry about me. I’m a tough old bear. I’ve been in tight spots before.

Best place to see a crowd of grizzlies (A good place to bear witness) —  High Country News – Know the West

Mama: Sam, are you sure there’s a spot for you up there?

Sam: Well, a friend of a friend said that they usually have openings in the late summer.

Mama: It’s not late summer anymore. You don’t really have a place, do you?

Sam: Not really. But I know I was a problem last year. I was just hoping that you might forgive me.

Kenny and Carl: Please, Mom? Can he stay here?

Depressed Bear sitting by a river: photoshopbattles

Mama: I don’t want to be heartless. Do you promise not to raid the pantry every time you get bored?

Sam: Cross my heart.

Mama: And you have to start picking up after yourself. You can’t just go out for a long walk in the spring when it’s time to do the big clean-up.

Sam: I promise.

Mama: And when it’s time for the boys to hibernate, you have to back me up and tell them to go to bed.

Sam: I promise.

Mama: Then you can stay.

There was much cheering and dancing around. When everything finally settled down, they sat down for a big meal of salmon and blueberries.

What are bears up to this winter? - Bearwise.org

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

7

Piranhas Are Not Good Neighbors

 

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Copa Cove is an exclusive capybara community, complete with a gate and 24-hour security. Most of the residents are executives at one of the eco-tourism companies or the tourism bureau. It was incredible how many humans come in just to see the capybaras. You’d think they had never seen a very large rodent in a tie before.

One spring morning, a new family moved in. There were two adults and two children. As the neighbors looked on in horror, the newcomers unpacked a raft and beach toys. And they were plastic!

The neighborhood planned a party to welcome the new residents. Everyone gathered by the water munching on crispy greens when they arrived. The male introduced himself as Frank.

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Frank: Hello, neighbors! Name’s Frank, but you can call me Buzz.  Like in Buzzco. That’s my company. I’ll get to it in a minute. This here’s my wife. Her name’s Julie, but you can call her Babette. Get it? Buzz and Babette. Sounds good together, doesn’t it?

(His children were standing by looking mortified. The neighbors were trying not to.)

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Buzz: These are my children, Ben and Betty. Hoping to get them into the family business. No luck so far, but they’re young. Now let me tell you about Buzzco. It’s my company and my pride and joy. Has anyone heard of it?

(Blank stares)

Buzz: That’s OK. We’re small, but we’re growing every day. That’s how we can afford to live like. Remember the name: Buzzco.

Priscilla (when Buzz finally took a breath): That sounds very, uh, nice. What exactly do you do at Buzzco?

Buzz: I’m glad you asked. We’re a marketing company that specializes in land development companies. Get it? Buzzco? Like when a tree comes down?

(The group looks horrified.)

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Carl: You do understand that you’re taking land from capybaras, don’t you?

Buzz: Don’t worry, there’s plenty of land left.

Carl: But they have to leave their homes.

Buzz: We’re a hardy species.

Carl: I wouldn’t want to move because someone destroyed my home.

Image result for capybara rainforest

Buzz: Don’t worry. Won’t happen. You don’t think I’d move somewhere they’re about to level, do you?

(Dead silence)

Darlene (trying to sound normal): Well, we should probably get to eating before the grasses wilt.

(Relieved, everyone moved to the water. The talk turned to the weather, children, and other general topics. The party soon broke up. There was work in the morning. Before they left, Buzz had one final thing to say.)

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Buzz: You were so nice to us tonight, I’d like to invite you over on Saturday for brunch. That work for everybody?

Pete (with some hesitation): Hmm. That would be fine. We’ll see you then.

(No one knew what to expect when they got to Buzz’s. They were pleasantly surprised. The home was tastefully decorated and looked completely organized. Obviously, Babette ran the house. Buzz came from the backyard.)

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Buzz: C’mon everyone. I have something to show you.

(They followed him back. He pointed to a large hole filled with water. His neighbors looked at him, puzzled.)

Buzz: It’s called a pool. I got the idea from the humans. They swim in them. I figured I’d try it.

(While he was extolling the virtues of having a pool, the children were running around. Suddenly the adults heard a splash and screaming. A small capybara had fallen into the pool. Her father Dave rushed over and pulled her out. She was bleeding in several places.)

Dave (puzzled): How did you get cut falling in the water, honey?

Daughter: There are a lot of sharp things in there.

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(Dave looked at Buzz.)

Buzz: Sorry. Haven’t had time to put up a fence yet. Didn’t think about someone falling in.

Dave: What’s in the pool?

Buzz: Piranhas. Love the little guys. They have that killer instinct. Would make good businessmen.

Image result for piranha

Dave: You have piranhas in a pool that anyone could fall into?

Buzz: Actually, I’m surprised there was a problem. I’ve never been bitten. Of course, a child is a lot smaller. She probably frightened them. I should look into it.

Dave (between clenched teeth): And we need to look into getting rid of you.

(Buzz was too wrapped up in his fish to hear.)

Image result for capybara cute

To be continued…

8

Love is a Fresh Fish

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(Photos – and anything that resembles actual bear behavior – come from Wayne at Welcome to Tofino Photography.

Mama Bear had decided that after three years it was time for her two sons, Ben and Eddie, to move out on their own.

Ben: Mama, why are you kicking us out?

Mama: It’s time for both to find girls and settle down. I want grand-cubs before I’m too old to play with them.

(Ben walks away)

Eddie: What’s going on?

Ben: Mama want us to go and have cubs.

(Eddie blushes under his fur.)

Eddie: How are we going to do that?

Ben: With girls, stupid

Eddie: I know that. But how do I find a girl?

Ben: What do you mean? I’ve seen the way you look at Mary Sue. Just talk to her.

Eddie: I can’t do that.

Ben: Why not?

Eddie: I wouldn’t know what to say.

Ben: You could try “Hello”.

(Just then Mary Sue walked by with her mother. She looked at Eddie and smiled.)

Ben: See? She likes you.

Eddie: Isn’t she beautiful? That velvety nose, thick fur, white teeth.

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(He pauses.)

Ben: Just go talk to her.

(Eddie finally gets up the nerve to run after her when he sees Joe, Casanova of beardom, start talking to her.)

Eddie: I can’t. Joe’s talking to her and all the girls love Joe.

(All of a sudden, they hear a loud “whap”.)

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Ben (snickering): Well, Mary Sue sure doesn’t love him. Quit being stupid; You won’t know anything unless you talk to her.

(They’re walking along the riverbank and decide they might as well have lunch. After enjoying a nice fresh salmon, they continue on their way. They see two cubs fighting over a dead salmon.)

Ben: I know! You could give her a present.

Eddie: I’m not going to give her a dead fish.

Eddie: I don’t know. What if she doesn’t like it?

Ben: It’s food Eddie. She’s a bear. Bears love food.

Eddie: That’s true. Let me think about it.

(Ben shakes his head. Eddie thinks about how much he likes Mary Sue.)

Eddie: OK. I’ll do it.

(Eddie walks over close to Mary Sue. The water is falling over the rocks and it looks like a good place for fish. He gets into the water, slipping a little on the mossy rock. He easily catches a big fish and takes it out of the water, walking to Mary Sue. He drops it at her feet.)

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Mary Sue: Eddie, is that for me?

Eddie (embarrassed): I hope you like fish.

Mary Sue: I love it!

(She gobbles it down and smiles at him.)

Mary Sue: That was very sweet of you Eddie.

Eddie: Thank you.

(He hesitates a little.)

Eddie: Would you like to go to the picnic with me tomorrow?

Mary Sue: I’d love too.

(The next morning, Eddie meets Mary Sue on the beach. They walk together to the clearing in the woods where some other bears have already gathered. They snack on berries and talk. Eddie seems very nervous. Finally, he speaks.)

Eddie: Mary Sue, I’d like to ask you a question.

Mary Sue: You look so serious Eddie. What’s the question?

Eddie: Would you dance with me? (Rough human translation: Will you marry me?)

Mary Sue: Ohhh. I’d love to.

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(They get up and do their mating dance. When they are done, they walk off into the woods. Eddie is taking her to the den he has spent all night preparing in case she said yes. Back at the picnic Mama Bear is thrilled. She goes looking for Ben who has slipped away into the woods.)

Be sure to check out Tofino Photography. It has a lot more than bears. But we like the bears.