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House Hunting in Cheeseland – Part 2

Muffy and Biff were looking for a place to live together. Their first day of looking had not gone well. You can read about it here. Muffy had been doing most of the research, and she was getting discouraged. They were on their way to look at more places.

Muffy: I can’t believe how hard this is. I must have spent three hours looking at pictures on KittyConnector and another two hours talking to our realtor Drusilla. She is so frustrating.

Biff: What do you mean?

Muffy: She has certain places she wants to sell, and I keep telling her I know what we want. I hope we find something today.

Drusilla is standing in the parking lot of her office when they arrive.

Drusilla: I’m glad you made it. I know you’re frustrated Muffy, but it takes a while to find the perfect spot.

They get into Drusilla’s car and take off.

Biff: Where are we going today?

Drusilla: I know you guys want something with a lot of windows. This place has a view of Critter Lake. It’s close to shopping and the price is really good.

Muffy: That sounds nice.

Drusilla pulls up in front of a row of townhouses. Biff looks around.

Biff: I don’t understand how this place can have a view of the lake. Those houses across the road are actually on the lake.

Drusilla: Let’s go inside and see what it looks like.

Muffy: Seems like a waste of time.

Biff: We’re already here. Let’s look around. Maybe there’s still a view.

They go inside and look around. It looks nice but the windows look directly on the houses across the street.

Drusilla: I think I found the view!

Muffy: Ooh! Let’s see.

Drusilla: If you look directly out the last window, it lines up with a break in the houses across the street.

Muffy: That is not lake view.

 Biff: What else do you have?

Drusilla: It’s an apartment in town.

Biff: That might be okay. It would be close to everything we might need. Let’s go.

They pull into a parking lot downtown and walk to the apartment. It’s on Main Street, and there are shops up and down the street.

Muffy: It does have a good location. Let’s see what it looks like.

Biff: This is really nice. It has real wood floors and windows all across the front. It gets a lot of light.

Muffy: It has enough space for an office and a game room. I think it has definite possibilities.

Suddenly, there was a crash and the sound of breaking glass. The cats all jumped.

Muffy: What on earth was that?

Drusilla: That’s the downstairs tenant.

Muffy: Are they fighting?

Drusilla: No. The apartment is above a small restaurant.

Muffy: What kind of small resBifftaurant?

Biff (looking at his cell phone): It’s above Dino’s Sports Bar. They’re open until 2 am every night.

Muffy: That’s a definite no for me.

Drusilla: All I have left is an upstairs apartment just north of town.

Biff: We might as well look.

Muffy: This has not been a good day.

Biff: One more place won’t hurt.

Muffy: I guess.

They pull up outside a large house. There is a large bear on the porch. She comes down to meet them.

Bear: Welcome! My name is Chloe, and I own the house.

Drusilla: Hello. These cats are here to look at the apartment. I apologize. I didn’t realize you were a bear. Are you looking for a bear tenant?

Chloe: Not necessarily. My husband is gone, and I have this very large house. I just want some company once in a while. (She looks at Muffy and Biff.) Are you interested in looking at the apartment?

Biff: I don’t mean to be rude. Do you eat cats?

Muffy: Biff! Don’t say that. You’re embarrassing me.

Chloe (laughing): That’s okay. I am a rather large bear. No, I don’t eat cats. I’m pretty much a vegetarian these days. Although I do like fish when I get some. Come inside and look around.

Muffy: You have a beautiful home, Chloe.

Chloe: Thank you. Here are the stairs to the apartment. It also has a private entrance at the back of the house.

She led them upstairs. Muffy and Biff looked around and were speechless. On one side of the apartment was almost entirely glass including a sliding glass door to a balcony. The view was a field and a forest beyond it. There was a full kitchen with plenty of room for entertaining.

Drusilla: What do you think?

Muffy: We want it. when can we move in?

All pictures created by Gemini AI.

22

House Hunting in Cheeseland

Muffy and Biff had been together for about two years and decided they wanted to move in together. They were making a list of what they were looking for.

Muffy: We need lots of windows for sun puddles.

Biff: And close to shopping. I might need to make a late-night kibble run.

Muffy: Close to our families.

Biff: But not too close.

Muffy: What’s that supposed to mean? I love my family.

Biff: I know. But we want to be independent.

Muffy: Hmmph. It needs to be affordable.

Biff: Do you know what part of town you’d like?

Muffy: Not really. But I’d like to be close to a milk bar. And maybe a yoga studio.

Biff: Okay let’s see what’s available in KittyConnector in our price range.

They found several places that looked like possibilities. They contacted a KittyConnector agent and set up an appointment for the following weekend. They met at her office.

Biff: Hi, we’re Muffy and Biff. We have an appointment with Drusilla.

Drusilla: That’s me. I booked the places you are interested in. Ready to go?

Muffy and Biff followed her out and got into her car.

Drusilla: Let’s start with the furthest place and work our way back to the office. The first stop is the place on Cranberry Lake. It’s a beautiful location. Lots of space and plenty of small animals to keep you entertained.

Muffy: It seems to be taking a lot of time to get there. Are we even in town anymore?

Drusilla: Technically, it is within the town limits. We’re here!

Muffy: There’s no house here. It’s just a barn.

Drusilla: Plenty of cats live in barns. Just look at the view.

Muffy: I am not living in a barn. Let’s move on.

Drusilla: All right. The next stop is an apartment on Willow Road. It’s a high-rise on the river. It’s close to everything and gets excellent reviews from the tenants.

Biff: That sounds better. Let’s check it out.

They took an elevator to the tenth floor, and walked into the available apartment.

Drusilla (reading from a brochure): This place has several really nice features: in-apartment washer and dryer, sunken bathtub, and built-in vacuum system.

Biff and Muffy looked at each other in confusion.

Muffy: Why would a cat want any of those features? A built-in vacuum sounds terrifying.

Drusilla: Those aren’t intended to attract cats.

Biff: So who lives here?

Drusilla: It was built for humans, but anyone can live here.

Biff: How many of the apartments have humans in them?

Drusilla: It says approximately 85%.

Muffy: Let’s get out of here. I’ve been afraid of humans since a small human pulled my tail. Really hard.

Drusilla: Okay. On to the duplex on Maple.

Biff: Sounds good.

They pulled up to a beautiful house with lots of windows. The location was good too. Before they could get out of the car, one of the door opened, and two dogs came out. The dogs were having some sort of fight, with lots of snarling and bared teeth.

Muffy: Who are they? Are they moving out of the flat we’re interested in?

Drusilla: Umm, no. That   is currently empty. The dogs would be your neighbors.

Biff: In the same house? Sharing walls?

Drusilla: That is correct.

Biff: Not interested. What’s next?

Drusilla: The rental on Concord.

They arrived at a big, old house. It was well maintained. Biff and Muffy were hopeful as they got out of the car, and rang the doorbell. A large, fluffy calico opened the door.

Calico: Hello.

Drusilla: Hi. My clients are interested in the space you have for rent.

Calico: Welcome! I’ll show you the room.

Biff: Room? Isn’t it an apartment?

As they walked through the house, they saw a group of cats working on a puzzle in the front room. There were also a few cats in the kitchen.

Calico: No, we don’t have apartments. Everything is communal, except the sleeping quarters. We divide everything else up.

Muffy: So we wouldn’t really have our own space?

Calico: No, we don’t believe in individual property. You would have chores to do for the greater good.

Muffy: That’s just weird. Cats don’t like to share.

Calico: You really don’t seem like a fit for our commune. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Muffy and Biff left the house feeling very dejected. Nothing was even close to what they were looking for. There had to be a better way to find somewhere to live.

Next week: The search continues.

All pictures generated by Gemini AI.

20

A Gator Family Housewarming

A New York man's pet alligator was seized after 30 years. Now, he wants  Albert back | WUSF

Uncle Stu and Amanda had been married almost a year when they decided to have a party. It was part anniversary party, part housewarming. They were going to live in Amanda’s house in South Carolina so she could be near her grand-gators. Vinny, Stu’s only son, was still single. However, when Vinny and Stu moved all of his things up there was no way it was all going to fit comfortably. So he put it in storage, and they went house-hunting. Now they were having family and friends over to celebrate.

Alligator comes knocking at Florida home

Vinny: I have to admit, you found a good place, Dad. How did you end up here?

Stu: We had to be careful where we bought. There are a lot of nice neighborhoods that are full of humans. Humans are not all nice.

Amanda: You know Stu. He thinks the best of everyone.

Stu: A man asks me if I wanted lunch. Of course, I did. Who doesn’t want lunch? He and his buddy were talking about what a nice shade of green I am.

Justine: That’s weird. Why would they say that? You’re basic alligator green.

Stu: The waiter took me aside and said I needed to leave.

Alligator seen outside Port St. Lucie home causes stir

Justine: What a weird place.

Stu: They were going to make shoes out of me. Remember to always be nice to waiters and other workers. Amanda came and picked me up.

Adele: You have the most interesting adventures, Uncle Stu.

Amanda: Needless to say, we did not end up in that neighborhood.

Close-up of an american alligator hiding in grass and sunning with eyes  open, florida, united states | Premium Photo

Stu: It was a lot harder to find a place than I thought it would be. I thought that a place with a nice yard for sunning would be easy to find. But it gets cold up here. Miami is warm all the time. Charleston, not so much.

Amanda: A friend told me about this place.

Adele: it is beautiful.

Amanda: And look at the sun porch. Plenty of room for a whole congregation of us to relax. (Ed. Note: Yes, that’s what a group of alligators is called.)

Granny: Stu, sometimes I worry about you being so far from home. Vinny won’t be around to get you out of scrapes.

Amanda: Stan and Adele are only a few blocks away. We’re hoping that we can keep him from getting into too many scrapes.

Stu: You all talk like I’m incapable of taking care of myself.

Amanda: You’re way too trusting, Stu. Remember how you almost bought a lifetime supply of olive oil because that sales clerk said it would make your skin soft?

Justine: Was that another try at making him into a snack?

Amanda: Thankfully, no. But alligators don’t need soft skin.

Stu: Sometimes it works out. I got a great deal on a hot tub. And what alligator doesn’t love a warm bath.

Amanda: That is true. Especially in the cooler weather.

Vinny: I saw where you guys got snow a while back.

Stu: It wasn’t a problem. It came and went.

Have you ever seen an alligator in the snow? 🐊 📷: Hend Noman

Amanda: He wanted to make a snow gator, but it didn’t last.

Stan: Didn’t learn anything from the frostbite on your trip to Canada?

Stu: Truthfully, I had forgotten about that. Almost lost my tail.

Toucan Fact Sheet | Blog | Nature | PBS

There’s a knock at the door. Amanda leaves to answer it.

Stu: I hope that’s the toucans that I invited.

Vinny: Where did you meet toucans, Dad?

Stu: I was talking to someone at the bus stop and mentioned that we were having a housewarming. She seemed very nice. Big flamingo. I told her to stop by if she’d like.She asked if she could bring a few friends. Some exotic friends. I figured if they were more exotic than a flamingo, they must be toucans.

Alligator appears on doorstep of Florida woman, who then takes photos

Amanda: Stu, why are there half-naked human women at our door?

Stu: I have no idea.

Amanda: You need to handle this.

Vinny: I work at a club in Miami. Let me handle it.

Amanda: Thank you.

Vinny goes out to talk to the humans. He returns a few minutes later, laughing.

Flamingo Fact Sheet | Blog | Nature | PBS

Vinny: Dad, that “flamingo” was a lady dressed up like a bird. She asked you if you wanted exotic dancers at your party.

Suzy: What’s an exotic dancer?

Vinny: They are human dancers who work wearing very little clothing.

Suzy: Why would they think an alligator would want to see almost naked humans?

Justine: Eww.

First an alligator came crashing through her window. Now what?

Stu: She seemed like such a nice flamingo. I thought her friends would be nice too. Were they angry when you told them there had been a misunderstanding?

Vinny: Not at all. They thought there might have been a mistake when an alligator opened the door.

Granny: It looks like you haven’t solved the issues of keeping Stu out of trouble yet.

Floridians Can Party With Alligators Now | TIME.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.