22

Springtime in the Subdivision

Oregon Golf Course to Offer Trained Goat Caddies | SwingU Clubhouse

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and spring was in the air. Everything looked tranquil in Mountain Valley Estates. A golf cart carrying a dog, a goat, and a chicken was slowly driving around the subdivision.

A group of women were standing in the yard of one of the houses talking when they saw the cart.

In areas of rapid urban development, squirrels and alligators have ...

Sarah Squirrel: Look who’s coming. It’s the Yard Police.

Amelia Alligator: Sarah, we better get home.

Josephine Jaguar: You’re right. We all know what happens if you’re not at home when they stop by.

Amelia: They write your name in their little book and you get a letter from the Association about some imaginary violation.

Writing an Effective Dog Professional Bio – dogbiz

Sarah: It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually worked for the Association. But Fred Fido got bored and talked Henry Goat and Emma Chicken into doing this. The whole thing is ridiculous.

Amelia: I agree. And you can’t talk to them about anything. If they say it’s a problem, it’s a problem.

Sarah and Amelia went home, and Josephine went inside. On her way home, Sarah saw Fred talking to Fluffy Angora.

Turkish Angora Cats, The Cats That Love To Play.

Fred: I need to talk to you about a problem with your yard.

Fluffy: What’s the problem?

Fred: Henry measured your grass, and it’s almost an inch and a half high. You know the Association rules say that it shouldn’t be more than one and a quarter inches high, and the preferred height is one inch.

STALKER CAT IS WATCHING YOU | Stalker Meme on ME.ME

Fluffy: But the Association made an exception for us. Al works out of town as a mouser, and we have four young kittens.

Fred: OK. Then I’ll write it up as a warning. You need to tell Al to get home and mow it. I’m going to talk to Jim (the Association President) and tell him what’s going on.

Fluffy: All right.

Fred: Have a good day.

Fluffy: Thank you.

Family owned and operated! QUALITY Lawn maintenance + a whole lot ...

Fluffy closed the door. How dare that dog accuse them of not taking care of their yard. And that goat had been eating the grass, not measuring it.

Fred: Sometimes, I hate doing this job. It seems like no one appreciates us.

Emma: They just don’t understand how difficult it is to keep a place this big looking good.

Henry: Look! Over there! Water usage violation.

Should You Give Hedgehogs a Bath? - HedgehogNation

Fred went up to Jean-Luc Hedgehog who was holding container of water.

Fred: Jean-Luc, are you aware that you are in violation of the water usage code the Association has distributed?

Jean-Luc: What do you mean?

Fred: Your house’s address ends in an odd number. You can’t water your lawn until tomorrow.

Jean-Luc: I’m not watering my lawn.

Fred: Then why are you carrying water around?

Thoughts on Hedgehog vegetable car? - Hedgehog

Jean-Luc: It’s a watering can. I’m watering my vegetables.

Fred: They’re green, so they’re part of your lawn.

Jean-Luc: That’s ridiculous. They’re new plant. They’ll die if I don’t water them every day.

Fred: I’m sorry. It’s a violation. Here’s your ticket, and you’ll be hearing from the Association.

Jean-Luc took the ticket and stomped into the house. If he’d stayed outside, he was afraid he would have dumped the water on Fred.

Baby Elk- Cutie! Updated - WetCanvas

Fred walked back to the cart. They rode in silence for a while. Then they spotted a tent in Ellen Elk’s backyard.

Fred knocked at the door, but there was no answer. Emma wrote a note and taped it to the door:

Dear Neighbor – The tent in your backyard is a violation of Association rules. If you have guests, they are required to stay in your house, not a separate structure. Please remove the tent immediately. Your Friendly Neighborhood Guardians

When Ellen got home, she read the note. Ellen was furious. She called the Association, but no one answered.

Why Your Dog Loves Antlers | HealthyPets Blog

Note: The dog is holding on voluntarily

They knew she had a tent in her yard. She had to pay a $50 permit fee to put it there. No one was living in it. She was going to use it for her daughter’s birthday party.

The golf cart made a few more stops before they went home. They decided not to stop a Josephine’s house to cite her for violets in her yard. They were all afraid of her.

A few days after this round of visits, everyone received a letter. Jim Giraffe was inviting everyone to a meeting to discuss Association rules.

92 Best ANGRY ANIMALS images | Animals, Angry animals, Cats

Next week: Will the Association management side with Fred or the homeowners?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

 

31

Cat Forum: Taking Care of Your Human

Kick back and enjoy the weekend!!! - Vital Pet Health - Ask the ...

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. As you probably know, almost all humans have been forced to stay at home by some sort of invisible “bug”. Our human works at a place that sells kibble, so she’s still working. But we can imagine how traumatic it must be to have all your humans around all the time. They’re in your space, complaining about how they can’t go to out to play with their friends anymore. Or even worse, roaming around the house doing all sorts of stuff that upsets your routine. We have some ideas that might help you deal with the situation.

Writing and photography for great cat adoption profiles | Chew On This

Play Fetch

If your human is working at home, you’ll probably see pens and clips and other office supplies lying around that you can use. You want to sit close enough to reach the toy, but not close enough to be caught.

Take your paw and give the pen a strong swipe. You want it to skitter across the floor, preferably under something. You may need to do this a couple of times before your human realizes it’s a game.

singing memes - Album on Imgur

Sing for Their Friends

Your human may talk to other humans on those computer thingeys that they work with. A lot of the time you can see the other people. You can help them when they start to get bored. First try talking. It’s easiest to do if you are sitting in your person’s lap.

Your person may rudely put you on the floor despite the other people talking about how cute you are. Obviously, they want more of you. This is when you sing. While the others enjoy your musical talents, your human may accuse you of yowling and throw you out. No accounting for taste. They’re probably jealous.

IRTI - funny picture #2350 - tags: cat keep it down on the phone ...

Play Hide and Seek

Usually this game is most fun when you play it with their keys. But now that they won’t go anywhere, you probably want to use their phone. This game is best when they don’t realize you have touched the phone. (Ours loses hers a lot and never thinks it might be us.)

You can slide it under a chair (leave a little bit showing) or put it behind something. We have found that the very best place is to lay on it and pretend to sleep. They usually think we’re cute and don’t want to disturb us.

If they are being particularly annoying (spending too much time with it and not enough with you), we recommend you hide it under the refrigerator or some other hard-to-reach spot. They won’t be able to find it until it rings.

How to find a lost remote control « Appliances Online Blog

Watch TV Together

We’re not talking about the regular sitting in their lap and watching their shows. You should help them watch something different. Maybe a three-hour documentary on the history of kibble.

If they try to turn on the news or anything else that stresses them out, turn off the volume. If they don’t get the message, hide the remote. You want to protect their mental health during the crisis: they need to be able to feed you and cuddle upon demand.

How to Cuddle a Cat: The Ultimate Guide

We hope you will find these suggestions helpful.

We wish health and happiness for everyone during the crisis.

Cat Memes You'll Laugh at Every Time | Reader's Digest

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

17

Feral Purrfessionals: Cats to the Rescue – Part 3

Sunday's Fun And Aww: Hard At Work And Not Appreciating The ...

Where we are: Katie Calico and her friend Elise are working at Mercy General to help the humans in their fight to overcome an extremely contagious virus. Things are going well, although their supervisor Matilda does not seem to be very fond of cats. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The first week went by quickly. The patients seemed to be happy to have the cats there, helping keep the humans from getting sick. The feedback from the medical staff had also been positive. The only real problem was that Matilda was continuing to complain about the cats’ work ethic and ability to work with humans.

If you think cats are antisocial, maybe it's you, scientists find ...

When Katie and Elise arrived on Monday, Matilda met them at the door.

Matilda: Julie wants to see you. I bet she fires you. Cats have no place in a hospital.

Katie and Elise looked at each other. Timidly, they knocked on Julie’s door.

Julie: Come in and have a seat, ladies. How was your weekend?

Katie: It was very nice. It was good to relax a little. And yours?

Julie: Fine. I’d like to get right to the point. The feedback on your work here last week has been almost entirely positive. However, there is one thing that seems to be a problem.

Elise (nervously): What is that?

IM On Ur Desk Cat Meme - Cat Planet | Cat Planet

Julie: I need to know who’s been covering for you at lunchtime. The wait times are terrible and the reports going back to the medical staff are inaccurate. Matilda says that you must not have trained whoever you chose. They need to be trained today or the whole cat program will need to be re-evaluated.

Katie: You’ve already talked to Matilda about this?

Julie: Yes. And she’s very concerned. She can’t tell who is working because they are using your log-in information. Which is also against hospital rules.

Katie and Elise looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Matilda had been working during lunches.

The Hilarious History of Cat Memes | Dr. Elsey's

Julie: You’re not in trouble. Your work has been outstanding. But I need to fix this problem. I want you to be able to stay.

Katie (hesitantly): I’m not sure how to say this…

Elise: It’s Matilda. She’s been covering our lunches.

Julie: That’s ridiculous. Why would Matilda lie about something like this? Besides, she’s worked in the department for years. She wouldn’t make these types of mistakes. I don’t know who you’re trying to protect, but I need the truth.

Katie: We’re not trying to protect anyone. Matilda covers our lunches.

Cute Cat Meme - Imgflip

Julie: I’m sorry. You’re not going to be able to work here if I can’t trust you.

Elise started to cry. Katie tried to think of a way to prove what they were saying.

Katie: There are security cameras everywhere in the hospital. There must be one in the triage area. Or in the computer we use. Can’t you look at that?

Julie: I really don’t like the idea of spying on my employees, but I’ll see what I can find. Go back to work for now.

They worked all day, nervous and scared. At the end of the day, they were called into Julie’s office. Matilda was already there. She glared at the cats when they walked in.

Julie: Please sit down. Matilda and I have been looking over the security footage. I would like to apologize for not believing you earlier.

Skeptical Cat - Imgur

Katie and Elise looked at each other, not believing what they were hearing.

Julie: The security cameras are not very good, but it is definitely a human, not a cat, who is there when you are not. But why are you not logging off at lunchtime?

Elise: We do log off. Matilda said we would be fired if we didn’t.

Julie: OK. Let me find out who has access to your security information.

Matilda: What difference does it make? They’re cats. They’re probably lying.

Therapy Cat Is evaluating. - Cheezburger - Funny Memes | Funny ...

Julie: I need to get to the bottom of this. It concerns our duty to our patients.

Julie called the Technology Department. Matilda started flipping through a file she had brought to the meeting. Julie asked several questions, and then hung up the phone.

Julie: That was strange. Matilda, he said that the only people who have access to passwords are the immediate supervisor and senior management. I know I wasn’t covering the lunches. The cats seem certain that they logged off. That only leaves you.

Programmers need a perfect pet and we know the best one – MissMeowni

Matilda: Why would I use their accounts? I have my own.

Julie: That’s a good point. Why would you?

Julie didn’t say anything more and looked at Matilda. Katie and Elise looked at Matilda. The room was tense. Finally, Matilda spoke.

Matilda: OK. Fine. I did it.

Katie: Why would you do that?

Matilda: Cats don’t belong in hospitals. You eat vermin, sleep all the time, and don’t use soap and water when you bathe.

cats desk Memes & GIFs - Imgflip

Julie: What does that have to do with anything? Look at them. They’re as clean as you are. And I haven’t seen them even resting while they’re on duty.

Matilda: They’re animals, and they don’t belong in a hospital.

Julie: Why did you make all of those mistakes? I know you are better than that.

Matilda: I wanted to let everyone know that they aren’t perfect.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, Therefore I am perfect ...

The other three looked at her in disbelief. She was putting the patients and staff in danger because she didn’t like cats.

Julie: Katie and Elise, I would like to apologize again. I had no idea something like this would happen. You can go home, and I’ll see you in the morning.

Relieved, Katie and Elise left. When they returned the next morning, Matilda was not there. She had been terminated for security violations.

The cat program turned out to be a great success at Mercy General. Katie and Elise stayed until the end of the crisis, then returned to their real jobs. They had learned a great deal about hospital administration and human sickness that would be useful as their careers progressed.

Sorry, Cat Haters, Science Isn't On Your Side | Popular Science

 Pictures courtesy of Google Images

21

Feral Purrfessional: Cats to the Rescue – Part 2

Top 10 Cat Emergencies | Animal Medical Center of the Village

Where we are: Katie Calico and several of her former classmates have been asked to help the humans in their fight to overcome an extremely contagious virus. The virus can be fatal to humans, but does not affect cats. The cats all agreed to help and are waiting for their assignments. You can read Part 1 here.

Katie learned that she would be assigned to Mercy General Hospital starting on Monday. When she arrived, she saw that her partner was Elise.

An Adorable Gallery of Hugging Cats

Katie: Elise! I’m so happy to see you!

Elise: I know! Just like old times.

Their reunion was interrupted by a female human voice.

Human: All right, you two. No time for chatting. I can’t believe they sent me cats to replace my girls. You better not spend all of your time sleeping. I know how cats are. My name is Matilda, and I’ll be your supervisor.

How much do cats sleep, and how many hours do they really need ...

Elise: My name is Elise and this is Katie.

Katie: Pleased to me you, Matilda.

Matilda: I’ll show you where you’ll be working. One mistake and you’re out of here. CATS! I can’t believe they sent me cats! What’s next? A hedgehog?

Katie and Elise looked at each other, wondering if all the people were going to be like her.

Doctor game - null | Hedgehog pet, Cute kawaii animals, Baby hedgehog

Matilda: I’ll let you two get settled. And remember: no sleeping.

Matilda stomped off and started talking to another woman.

Katie: Do you think she’s ever met a cat?

Elise: I doubt it. Otherwise, she’d know we can hear every word she’s saying, and she might be nicer.

Katie: Probably not. She definitely has her opinions.

For your overly opinionated relative - Album on Imgur

They laughed. After a few minutes, the other woman came over.

Woman: Hi ladies. I’m Julie, and I run this department.

Katie: Hi. I’m Katie and this is Elise.

Julie: I see you’ve met Matilda. Don’t let her get to you. She’s all noise.

Maverick Philosopher: Cats

The cats looked at each other doubtfully.

Julie: I am so happy you are here! It’s so kind of you to help us. If you have any questions, just ask. I want you to be comfortable.

Julie walked off.

Katie: Wow. I hope she’s around more than Matilda.

Elise: Definitely. But now we need to see what all this stuff is.

While the cats were studying the machines, they heard a tap at the window.

Dorchester woman creates popular meme site about feral cats | The ...

Woman: I’m Susan Meyers and… Oh my goodness! You’re cats! Horace, come here! The news was right. Cats are working at the hospital.

Horace: Please excuse my wife. She’s very excitable. We’re happy you’re here to help.

Susan: Oh, yes! And you’re just adorable!

Katie: Thank you ma’am. Are you the one who is ill or is it your husband?

Susan: It’s me. I have a fever and chills. I need to find out if I have “it”.

Katie: Well, you’ve come to the right place. I’ll open the door, and you can speak with Elise.

Lolcats - medical - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures ...

Elise took the woman to a cubicle where she checked Susan’s vital signs and asked her a few questions about her symptoms.

Elise: I’m afraid your symptoms do match those of the virus. You’ll need to wait for the doctor in the quarantine room.

Susan: What about Horace?

Elise: We’ll let him know what’s going on. He can stay where he is, and we’ll keep him updated.

Susan: Thank you so much. I really am happy you’re here.

The morning went by quickly. Most of the humans were pleasant and didn’t seem to be bothered working with the cats. Soon they heard Matilda’s voice.

Cats having their lunch - Picture of The Company of Cats ...

Matilda: Lunchtime, ladies. You get a half hour, and you can’t go at the same time. I’ll examine the patients while you’re gone.

Katie and Elise looked at each other.

Elise: I’ll go first.

The hour seemed like it would never end. Finally, they were back together.

Working cat Memes

Elise: That was horrible.

Katie: She was really slow. People were getting upset.

Elise: She wasn’t any nicer to the patients than she was to us.

Katie: I know. I wonder how she keeps her job.

Elise: The virus is probably afraid of her.

Cat Laughing Hysterically | Funny cat photos

They both laughed and went back to work, this time with Elise at the desk. The afternoon was as busy as the morning, so the time flew by. The cats went home, happy but exhausted.

Next week: Does Matilda adapt to working with cats?

Tired little kitty....in the library! Cats must love books ...

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Snoops and Kommando here. We want to offer condolences to our non-furry sister and her husband. Their cat Spaz crossed over the Rainbow Bridge earlier this week. You may remember Spaz from her and her siblings visit with us last fall or when we interviewed her and her furry siblings

23

Feral Purrfessionals: Cats to the Rescue

Image result for cats being doctors

We last saw Katie Calico and her friend Elise at the end of their first year at Mid-America Animal Tech. They were studying medicine to be able to help treat feral cats. You can read the story at Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5. In the last part, Katie received a scholarship to work with Maria Meowski at her clinic for feral cats. Also in that part, Katie’s mother and Elise’s dad (the dean at the school) married each other.

Katie and Elise have graduated from Animal Tech. Elise has continued to work at Maria’s clinic and loves it. She plans to stay there for the foreseeable future. Elise is working as a lab instructor at the school.

 One day, Katie got a call from her stepfather Edgar asking her to come to the school for a meeting. When Katie arrived, she saw that Elise was there, as well as several other graduates.

Image result for group of cats talking

Edgar: Thank you all for coming. I received a call from a human doctor asking for our help.

Maria: Why do they want our help?

Elise: They have some kind of sickness going around that’s really contagious.

Susie: What’s that got to do with us? Do they want to make us sick too?

Edgar: Nothing like that. Whatever this is, cats can’t get it. But human doctors and other medical personnel are at significant risk, particularly when people first some into an emergency room or clinic.

Image result for funny quarantine memes

Katie: Why is that?

Edgar: They don’t know whether the person has this sickness or not.

Katie: What type of sickness is it?

Edgar: It’s a virus that attacks their lungs and their breathing.

Maria: That sounds awful.

Edgar: The humans are very concerned. It’s not just the virus itself. If the medical people get it, they won’t be able to help the others.

Image result for cat playing nurse

Susie: What do they want us to do?

Edgar: A lot of the clinics have stopped seeing walk-in patients. Everyone has to call first.

Elise: But hospitals have to stay open.

Edgar: They want us to be the face of the hospital. There would be a cat at the front desk. Cats would also be doing triage for the emergency room.

Josie: Exactly what does that mean?

Edgar: You would be the ones who greet the people, take their temperature, and type out their symptoms. There would be two cats working as partners.

Image result for cat typing meme

Katie: When does this start and how long will it last?

Edgar: They’d like you as soon as possible. They don’t know how long they will need you.

Katie: What about our current jobs? I definitely want to keep working with Maria.

(The other cats nodded.)

Edgar: I’m sure you can get a leave for this situation. I can speak with anyone who has questions.

Josie: I’m not sure I want to do this. Humans have turned a hose on me and chased me away.

Image result for cat at desk meme

Edgar: No one will be forced to do it. It’s entirely up to you. Is anyone interested?

All of the cats raised their paws, even Josie. They knew it would be an excellent opportunity to learn new skills. Even if they were practicing on humans.

Edgar: Excellent! The humans will be very happy to hear it. I’ll email you your assignments as soon as I know.

The cats left, nervous but excited.

Next week: Will the cats and humans work together effectively?

Image result for cats being doctors

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

27

Cat Forum: What is a Calico?

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to another edition of Cat Forum.

Kommando: Hey, Snoops. Why does Mom call you her favorite cali?

Snoops: It’s short for calico. That’s what they call the beautiful coloring of my fur.

Kommando: That’s strange. I looked up cali (with a c) in the dictionary, and they said it was a city in Colombia

Snoops: Hmm. That’s odd.

Image result for cat destroying things meme

Kommando: Yeah. That’s what I thought. So I looked it up with a “k”.

Snoops: What did it say?

Kommando: The Hindu goddess of death and destruction. That seemed a bit extreme, since you’re usually pretty laid back.

Snoops: Thanks. Like I said, it’s just short for Calico.

Kommando: OK, that makes more sense.

Pauses. Then looks up again.

Kommando: Uh, Snoops? This says that calico is a cotton material imported from India or some other type of cotton material

Image result for white calico catcalico cloth

Snoops: That’s not right. Keep looking.

Kommando: OK, OK. Let’s see. How about a blotched or spotted animal? One that is predominantly white with red and black patches.

Snoops: Good grief. What are you reading?

Kommando: It’s called Merriam-Webster.

Snoops: Well. I don’t know who that it, but they’re crazy.

Kommando: That sounds pretty ugly. Are you sure Mom means it as a compliment?

Snoops: Yes. I’m sure. I think that Miriam lady hates cats.

Image result for white calico cat

Kommando: Maybe. There are some strange people out there.

Snoops: Anyway. We do have three colors. And usually they’re white, black and orange. Some are predominantly white and some are predominantly black.

Kommando: So humans just go in and order a calico in the colors they want?

Snoops. Of course not. We’re not a breed. It’s a coat pattern.

Kommando: Oh. So you’re just a regular cat.

Image result for maneki neko calico

Snoops: Hmmph. Some people think we’re lucky.

Kommando: Really?

Snoops: Yep. Here and in England, male calico cats are lucky because they’re so rare.

Kommando: OK. So that lets you out. You’re a girl.

Snoops: True. But in Japan, Maneki neko (a cat talisman) is almost always a calico, and they think she brings good fortune and wealth. Not only that, traditionally Japanese sailors brought calicos on voyages to chase away storms and angry ancestral spirits.

Kommando: That’s pretty cool.

Image result for calico cat maryland

Snoops: And we’re the official state cat of Maryland. That’s kinda weird though. They didn’t pick us because we’re awesome. They picked us because we look like their state bird, the oriole.

Kommando: It says that sometimes humans confuse you guys with tortoiseshells.

Snoops: That’s weird. Torties don’t have white in their coats. Humans just don’t pay attention.

Kommando: That’s true enough.  Well, I guess being three colored is better than being a goddess of destruction.

Image result for calico cat memes

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

20

Advice for Today’s Cat

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Welcome to House of Cats, the home of all things cat. Put your humans in another room and enjoy some time with us. Today we are welcoming Muffy Fluffington, the author of Own Your Human, Don’t Let Your Human Own You. Today Muffy is going to answer some of the most common questions she gets.

Image result for cat helping cook

My human says I never do anything, but when I try to help her, she puts me on the floor.

This is a common problem. Humans just don’t understand that they need help with their typing, cooking, and needlework. If they won’t let you do anything else, at least share some fur. Everything is better with fur.

Image result for dieting cat meme

My food tastes terrible since my human changed it. I think she’s trying to put me on a diet.

Humans do have a funny idea about what we should look like. I think it’s part of the whole body image issue they have with their own kind. They can’t control their own weight, so they want to control ours. In your case, I would force your human to taste some of the food they want you to eat. I can guarantee they won’t like it.

Image result for cat lying on furniture

My human rearranged the furniture. My favorite tree and pillow aren’t near the windows anymore.

This one is easily solved. Pull your blanket over to whatever they have put by the window and sleep there. When they move you, go back as soon as they leave. Before long, you’ll have your sunny window back.

Image result for cat hunting mice meme

I have been trying to teach my human to catch mice for three years. Should I give up?

As much as humans complain about mice in the house, most of them never learn how to catch the little guys. I would say that you should give them one more shot. Don’t go after the mice yourself. Once there are a few running around, your human may be more motivated to follow your example.

Image result for cat with baby

My humans just got one of those miniature humans. It never shuts up. How do I get some sleep?

Those baby humans are a problem. Before you know it, the kid will be running after you and trying to give you hugs with sticky hands. For right now, I recommend that you convince your humans to get you one of those snuggle sacks that you can crawl into. That should keep out a lot of the noise. Another option is to use whatever spot you have for when they turn on the cat-sucking cleaning machine.

Image result for cat bath meme

My human wants to bathe me. Just because she read that cats should be bathed once in a while.

What an awful idea! You have no option but to make bath time so miserable for her that she gives up. I recommend you start with hissing and growling. If that doesn’t work, move on to squirming. As a last resort, kick your way to freedom. And hide where she can’t reach you.

That’s all the time we have for this week’s House of Cats. Thank you all for tuning in. You can release your humans now.

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

25

Show and Tell Surprise

Image result for wild animals in snow

It had been a long winter at Northland Elementary School. There was a ban on recess until the worst of the snow storms had passed. Being inside was making everyone stir-crazy.

Ms. Beaver: That’s it for math today. Does anyone have any questions?

Pete Seal: Can we go outside after lunch?

Image result for seals playing in snow

Ms. Beaver: You know we can’t Peter. The school says we can’t go out until the weather gets better.

Annie Fox: What does the weather have to do with anything? We’re northern animals. We live in the snow.

Ms. Beaver: It’s not really the snow. It’s that Brian Brown-Bear ran away during the first heavy snow of the season and no one knew he was gone until everyone got back inside. By the time they found him, he was asleep in his home den.

Jeffrey Otter: So what? Because he went home, no one can go out?

Image result for bear sleeping

Ms. Beaver: They’re afraid that someone might get lost or taken by a bad human, and we wouldn’t know in time to do anything.

The children groaned.

Billy Beaver: It’s only February! That means it’s forever until we can go out.

Ms. Beaver: Don’t be dramatic, Billy. It’s only during heavy snowfalls or storms that we can’t go outside.

Suzy Ermine: I’m bored.

Image result for animal show and tell meme

Ms. Beaver: I have an idea. Do you know what show-and-tell is?

The children shook their heads that they did not.

Ms. Beaver: Everybody brings in something special from home and tells the rest of the class about it.

Billy: What kind of stuff?

Ms. Beaver: It can be anything, really. Your favorite toy. Something from a hobby. Something that someone has given to you.

Image result for animal playing with toys meme

Billy: Is there stuff we can’t bring?

Ms. Beaver: Anything that might offend or scare the rest of the class. And nothing dangerous.

Pete: No trophy kills, right?

Ms. Beaver: Definitely not.

Annie: When should we bring our things in?

Ms. Beaver: Why don’t we do it tomorrow? It’s still supposed to be storming and it will give us a nice break.

Image result for excited animal meme

The children were excited about the idea and talked about their ideas during lunch and after school. On the way home, three of the boys were bragging about who would bring in the best thing to show.

Egbert Bear: I think I’m going to show my collection of eagle feathers.

Joey Hare: Bert! She said no prey.

Egbert: They’re not prey. I pick them up off the ground.

Joey: Oh. I think I’ll bring in the empty nest I found. That’s a lot better than a bunch of feathers.

Image result for angry hare

Egbert: Is not! You probably don’t even know what kind of nest it is!

Joey: Is too!

Egbert: Is not! What about you, Mike?

Michael Moose had no idea what he was going to bring. He didn’t have anything as good as feathers or a nest. But he didn’t want to tell the guys that.

Mike: It’s a secret. But it’s tons better than either one of those.

Image result for moose calf in snow

Next week: Will Mike find something special by the next day to show his class?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

21

Cat Forum: Valentine’s Day

Image result for valentine cat

Snoops and Kommando here. Thank you for joining us for another edition of Cat Forum. As you may know, Friday is Valentine’s Day. Yep. Another day for humans to give presents to each other. As cats, we welcome presents any time. This year we’re giving the humans some ideas about special ways they can spend time with us.

Image result for cat cafe meme

Kommando: I’m going to ask Mom to take us to a cat café.

Snoops: Why do you want that?

Kommando: I want to order a salmon steak.

Snoops: That’s not what a cat café is. They have people come in and look at cats, possibly to adopt them.

Kommando: That’s dumb. French cafes are for French people. Italian cafes are for Italian people. Why can’t cat cafes serve food to cats?

Image result for cat cafe meme

Snoops: I don’t know. People are strange.

Kommando: That’s for sure. How about if she rents that “Cats” movie? It’s full of cats, right?

Snoops: Sort of. It’s a bunch of people dressed up like cats. And they sing.

Kommando: Do they really look like cats?

Image result for cat singing meme

Snoops: I don’t think so. They use human faces.

Kommando: That’s really creepy. What do you think we should do with Mom?

Snoops: I found this site called Elite Daily that has some ideas:

Image result for cat watching tv

Game Night – The human is supposed to spend the whole night playing with us. She’s even supposed to buy each of us a new toy.

Watch TV – We’re supposed to cuddle up with Mom and watch that big black screen in the corner of the living room. The people at Daily Elite recommend something called Planet Earth on Netflix. It seems like any show with a lot of animals in it might work.

Cat Treat Baking Party – The human is supposed to make fancy treats for us and then feed them to us. They recommend the human find recipes on YouTube under “Cat Treat Recipes.

Image result for cat fort meme

Build a Cat Fort – The human is supposed to get boxes from work or packages that come to the house. Then the night before Valentine’s Day, they secretly build a fort to surprise us with on Valentine’s Day.

Cook a Special Dinner for Two – The human makes a dinner that we like. Then we sit down at a special table and eat it.

Dance Around to Our Favorite Songs – She finds recordings of our favorite songs and then we dance together.

Image result for cat dancing meme

Kommando: I don’t know. A couple of them sound a little weird.

Snoops: You’re right. I’m not sure any of them would work for us. I can’t see game night really working out. You hog all the toys.

Kommando: I can’t help it if I’m better at it.

Snoops: Whatever. Mom never has the TV on. I’m not sure she knows how to use it.

Image result for cat helping meme

Kommando: We could get our fur-less brother to set it up. Dad used to use it.

Snoops: If that’s what they want us to watch, forget it.

Kommando: I think our shows wouldn’t have so many people in them.

Snoops: I don’t see the point in the cat treat baking party or building a fort. They both sound pawsome, but I don’t see where we get to spend time with Mom.

Image result for cat eating meme

Kommando: I agree. The dinner for two sounds good. But I want to be with Mom, not at a special dinner.

Snoops: I’m not sure how it’s different from when Mom shares her dinner with us.

Kommando: True. I hate the idea of a dance party. I don’t want Mom dancing around with me in her arms. And I don’t have favorite songs; I don’t like music.

Snoops: So what should we do with Mom on Valentine’s Day?

Kommando: I like the idea of an extra-long nap with her on the bed warmer.

Snoops: Great idea!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

25

Who’s Our New Neighbor? – Part 3

Image result for cats and meerkats"

Where we are: Calico Corners has welcomed a meerkat construction company from Africa to the neighborhood. They have brought over their lion financial/legal team to finalize the paperwork. You can read part 1 here and part 2 here.

The lions have hit a few roadblocks that no one in Africa had mentioned. They met with the meerkats to discuss things.

Leonard Lion: Mikki, were you aware that the broker had you buy property that’s not in the desert?

Image result for meerkat on grass"

Mikki: It did seem odd that we had to request that the lawn be taken out. Usually you need to have it added. So, where are we?

Leonard: It’s a place called the Midwest.

Marcel Meerkat: What’s it mid-west of?

Leona Lion: No one really seemed to know.

Mikki: They have nice dirt to burrow in. It may not be a problem to work here.

Image result for cold lion"

Leonard: The dirt isn’t the problem. It’s the weather. It gets really cold here.

Leona: And it snows.

Giselle: It gets cold in the desert at night. But what’s snow?

Mikki: It’s white stuff. It looks pretty, but it’s like fluffy frozen rain.

Maria Meerkat: We can’t live in that! We’ll freeze.

Image result for fluffy cats in snow"

Giselle: It does explain why the cats here have such thick, fluffy coats.

Maria: And houses.

Mikki: So how long does this snow last?

Leona: It could be up to 4 months.

Mikki: That’s not good.

Image result for concerned meerkat"

The meerkats looked at each other. No one said anything. Finally, Giselle broke the silence.

Giselle: Let’s go talk to the cats.

Everyone gathered, and Mikki explained the situation. Oddly, Cielle didn’t seem surprised.

Image result for beautiful calico cat"

Cielle: I’d been wondering what you were going to do in the winter. Then when the lions asked me about the weather, I realized no one had told you about winter.

Tammy: Oh, you poor things! No one told you about the cold?

Leonard: Unfortunately, no.

Mikki: It looks like we’ll have to return to Africa. I hate to say that because we’ve come to love all of you.

Image result for cats and meerkats"

Everyone looked distressed, even the lions.

Cielle: I had an idea, if you’re interested.

Mikki: Definitely.

Cielle: My family has several businesses and there are lots of air ducts and other small passageways to maintain. You could work for us when it’s too cold to construct.

Image result for meerkats"

The meerkats huddled together and chattered excitedly.

Mikki: We would like to take you up on your very kind offer. We can learn to sleep inside for that time.

The lions still looked dejected.

Image result for sad lion"

Leonard: I guess it’s time for us to go.

Tammy: Actually, we’ve been talking. You two are very kind. We were wrong to be afraid of you. You’re welcome to stay if you’d like. If there’s no company job, you can be security. No one else knows how sweet you both are.

The lions looked at Mikki.

Mikki: Of course. There’s plenty of room for all of us in the house.

The cats all clapped and cheered. And they all lived happily ever after in Calico Corners.

Image result for cats and meerkats"

Pictures courtesy of Google Images