Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) tried to take a petition to a human council meeting, but were barred from entering. ARC wanted the humans to stop using animal names as insults. A guard took the petition and said that he would give it to council.
Two weeks went by before the animals received a letter from W. Charles Smith, President of the Council on Human/Animal Relations:
We have received your petition listing your concerns about us using your names as insults. We appreciate your bringing this matter to our attention. I have assigned a committee to look into the matter.
Julie Giraffe: Those rotten rutabagas! They’re just trying to get rid of us.
Roni Baboon: You’re right, Julie. They’re not going to do anything.
Chester Rabbit: I’m afraid you’re right. We’ll have to try something else.
Ralph Badger: Let’s dig under their building and let it collapse.
Benny Buffalo: No, let’s stampede them.
Simon Skunk: No, we should sabotage their air filtration.
Chester: Calm down, everyone. That’s not going to make anyone happy. We need to work together.
Chrissy Calico: I don’t know what we can do. They don’t respect us at all. Remember what he called us? “Cute.” Humans don’t pay attention to “cute”.
Gregg Bear: OK, let me talk to them. They won’t think I’m cute and cuddly. I’m over 500 pounds of muscle and fur.
Ivan Tiger: I’ll go too. I can growl loud enough to scare any human.
Ralph: I guess that will work. But be polite. Otherwise, they’ll call you animals.
Chrissy: They are animals.
Ralph: I know. But humans use it as an insult.
Gregg and Ivan walked over to the Council Hall and went in the front door. The receptionist looked up and asked if she could help them.
Ivan: Yes, thank you. We would like to see Mr. Smith, please.
Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?
Ivan: No, we don’t. Please tell him we’re from ARC.
Receptionist (knowing there would be trouble if she let a bear and a tiger into the building): Mr. Smith doesn’t see anyone without an appointment.
Ivan: Please tell him that we won’t take up much of his time.
Receptionist (beginning to get nervous): I’m sorry, but you’ll have to make an appointment.
Ivan: Please just ask.
Receptionist: All right. Let me check.
She called someone and said that there was a bear and a tiger to see Charles. No, they weren’t threatening. They were very polite. She listened, then hung up the phone.
Receptionist: Someone will be out shortly.
Ivan: Thank you.
Ivan and Gregg moved to the side of the lobby and waited. Before long, two security guards arrived.
Security Guard: What seems to be the problem?
Ivan: There isn’t a problem. We just want to see Mr. Smith.
Security Guard: Didn’t the lady tell you you’d need an appointment?
Ivan: Yes, she did. We just need a minute of his time.
Guard: He won’t see you. You need to leave.
Ivan: Why won’t he see us?
The guard didn’t want to tell them that Mr. Smith was afraid of large animals.
Guard: He can see whoever he wants.
Gregg: That’s ridiculous. Just let us past. We’ll find him ourselves.
Guard (nervously): You need to go now.
Ivan was getting irritated. He let out a low growl. Gregg took a step toward the guard.
Gregg: Now see here…
Guard: Leave this minute or I’ll call the police.
Gregg: Let us past you.
The guard picked up the phone.
Guard: Yes, we need you at the Council Hall. There’s a bear and a tiger here. We need you to get them out of here. They’re meaner than grizzlies.
Gregg: I AM a grizzly.
Guard: I mean they’re madder than wet hens.
Gregg and Ivan looked at each other in disgust and stalked out the door.
Ivan: I guess we’ll have to get a lawyer.
He took out his phone and entered the number.
Voice: Sharkfin and Sharkfin, Attorneys-at-Law. How may I help you?