Where we are: The Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) has decided that they need to send a petition to the humans telling them how offensive they found the use of animals in a lot of the human insults.
Douglas Gorilla was ready to read the petition that his group had put together to the rest of the members.
Douglas: We spent quite a lot of time putting this together and would like the input of everyone else to make it as good as possible.
We would like you to reconsider your usage of animal names in your insults. For example, “hairy as an ape,” is not considered an insult in our world. We would appreciate you not using it in such a manner either. There are many other examples of problem phrases.
We feel that such insults stereotype us, generally in a negative way. You use “snake in the grass” to define someone who looks harmless, but can’t be trusted. Snakes live in the grass because that’s a logical place for someone to be who doesn’t have feet or legs. They only feel threatened if someone comes near. Humans with big feet and boots are especially scary to snakes.
We would be happy to work with you to create a list of more appropriate insults at whatever time and place is convenient for you. We will provide a translator, if you like.
You may respond to firstname.lastname@example.org, We look forward to hearing from you.
Animal Rights Coalition
Douglas: We thought that everyone could sign so they know it’s a group effort.
Ida Hyena: I think it’s great. If I hear one more “laughing like a hyena joke,” I might have to bare my teeth in public.
Jeni Dodo: I agree. We could suggest that they could just use “dumb as a rock,” rather than “dodo”, it would be great.
Chester: All in favor of sending the petition?
The result was unanimous. They decided that they would deliver the petition by hand/paw. Chester and Chrissy Calico were chosen so the humans wouldn’t feel intimidated.
A few days later, Chester and Chrissy went to a human council meeting. They were stopped at the door.
Guard: This is a human meeting. No animals.
Chester: We just want to deliver a petition to your council.
Guard: Let me check.
He called someone on his phone. Chester and Chrissy waited patiently. The guard explained the situation. They heard him say, “Actually, they’re pretty cute. Nothing dangerous at all.”
Guard: He said that you can’t go in, but I can take your petition and they will look at it after the meeting and get back with you.
Chester and Chrissy looked at each other. It seemed like there was no other option. They gave the petition to the guard.
Next week: What will the humans do with the petition? Will they even look at it?
All pictures courtesy of Google Images.