17

Feral Purrfessionals: Cats to the Rescue – Part 3

Sunday's Fun And Aww: Hard At Work And Not Appreciating The ...

Where we are: Katie Calico and her friend Elise are working at Mercy General to help the humans in their fight to overcome an extremely contagious virus. Things are going well, although their supervisor Matilda does not seem to be very fond of cats. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The first week went by quickly. The patients seemed to be happy to have the cats there, helping keep the humans from getting sick. The feedback from the medical staff had also been positive. The only real problem was that Matilda was continuing to complain about the cats’ work ethic and ability to work with humans.

If you think cats are antisocial, maybe it's you, scientists find ...

When Katie and Elise arrived on Monday, Matilda met them at the door.

Matilda: Julie wants to see you. I bet she fires you. Cats have no place in a hospital.

Katie and Elise looked at each other. Timidly, they knocked on Julie’s door.

Julie: Come in and have a seat, ladies. How was your weekend?

Katie: It was very nice. It was good to relax a little. And yours?

Julie: Fine. I’d like to get right to the point. The feedback on your work here last week has been almost entirely positive. However, there is one thing that seems to be a problem.

Elise (nervously): What is that?

IM On Ur Desk Cat Meme - Cat Planet | Cat Planet

Julie: I need to know who’s been covering for you at lunchtime. The wait times are terrible and the reports going back to the medical staff are inaccurate. Matilda says that you must not have trained whoever you chose. They need to be trained today or the whole cat program will need to be re-evaluated.

Katie: You’ve already talked to Matilda about this?

Julie: Yes. And she’s very concerned. She can’t tell who is working because they are using your log-in information. Which is also against hospital rules.

Katie and Elise looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Matilda had been working during lunches.

The Hilarious History of Cat Memes | Dr. Elsey's

Julie: You’re not in trouble. Your work has been outstanding. But I need to fix this problem. I want you to be able to stay.

Katie (hesitantly): I’m not sure how to say this…

Elise: It’s Matilda. She’s been covering our lunches.

Julie: That’s ridiculous. Why would Matilda lie about something like this? Besides, she’s worked in the department for years. She wouldn’t make these types of mistakes. I don’t know who you’re trying to protect, but I need the truth.

Katie: We’re not trying to protect anyone. Matilda covers our lunches.

Cute Cat Meme - Imgflip

Julie: I’m sorry. You’re not going to be able to work here if I can’t trust you.

Elise started to cry. Katie tried to think of a way to prove what they were saying.

Katie: There are security cameras everywhere in the hospital. There must be one in the triage area. Or in the computer we use. Can’t you look at that?

Julie: I really don’t like the idea of spying on my employees, but I’ll see what I can find. Go back to work for now.

They worked all day, nervous and scared. At the end of the day, they were called into Julie’s office. Matilda was already there. She glared at the cats when they walked in.

Julie: Please sit down. Matilda and I have been looking over the security footage. I would like to apologize for not believing you earlier.

Skeptical Cat - Imgur

Katie and Elise looked at each other, not believing what they were hearing.

Julie: The security cameras are not very good, but it is definitely a human, not a cat, who is there when you are not. But why are you not logging off at lunchtime?

Elise: We do log off. Matilda said we would be fired if we didn’t.

Julie: OK. Let me find out who has access to your security information.

Matilda: What difference does it make? They’re cats. They’re probably lying.

Therapy Cat Is evaluating. - Cheezburger - Funny Memes | Funny ...

Julie: I need to get to the bottom of this. It concerns our duty to our patients.

Julie called the Technology Department. Matilda started flipping through a file she had brought to the meeting. Julie asked several questions, and then hung up the phone.

Julie: That was strange. Matilda, he said that the only people who have access to passwords are the immediate supervisor and senior management. I know I wasn’t covering the lunches. The cats seem certain that they logged off. That only leaves you.

Programmers need a perfect pet and we know the best one – MissMeowni

Matilda: Why would I use their accounts? I have my own.

Julie: That’s a good point. Why would you?

Julie didn’t say anything more and looked at Matilda. Katie and Elise looked at Matilda. The room was tense. Finally, Matilda spoke.

Matilda: OK. Fine. I did it.

Katie: Why would you do that?

Matilda: Cats don’t belong in hospitals. You eat vermin, sleep all the time, and don’t use soap and water when you bathe.

cats desk Memes & GIFs - Imgflip

Julie: What does that have to do with anything? Look at them. They’re as clean as you are. And I haven’t seen them even resting while they’re on duty.

Matilda: They’re animals, and they don’t belong in a hospital.

Julie: Why did you make all of those mistakes? I know you are better than that.

Matilda: I wanted to let everyone know that they aren’t perfect.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, Therefore I am perfect ...

The other three looked at her in disbelief. She was putting the patients and staff in danger because she didn’t like cats.

Julie: Katie and Elise, I would like to apologize again. I had no idea something like this would happen. You can go home, and I’ll see you in the morning.

Relieved, Katie and Elise left. When they returned the next morning, Matilda was not there. She had been terminated for security violations.

The cat program turned out to be a great success at Mercy General. Katie and Elise stayed until the end of the crisis, then returned to their real jobs. They had learned a great deal about hospital administration and human sickness that would be useful as their careers progressed.

Sorry, Cat Haters, Science Isn't On Your Side | Popular Science

 Pictures courtesy of Google Images

21

Feral Purrfessional: Cats to the Rescue – Part 2

Top 10 Cat Emergencies | Animal Medical Center of the Village

Where we are: Katie Calico and several of her former classmates have been asked to help the humans in their fight to overcome an extremely contagious virus. The virus can be fatal to humans, but does not affect cats. The cats all agreed to help and are waiting for their assignments. You can read Part 1 here.

Katie learned that she would be assigned to Mercy General Hospital starting on Monday. When she arrived, she saw that her partner was Elise.

An Adorable Gallery of Hugging Cats

Katie: Elise! I’m so happy to see you!

Elise: I know! Just like old times.

Their reunion was interrupted by a female human voice.

Human: All right, you two. No time for chatting. I can’t believe they sent me cats to replace my girls. You better not spend all of your time sleeping. I know how cats are. My name is Matilda, and I’ll be your supervisor.

How much do cats sleep, and how many hours do they really need ...

Elise: My name is Elise and this is Katie.

Katie: Pleased to me you, Matilda.

Matilda: I’ll show you where you’ll be working. One mistake and you’re out of here. CATS! I can’t believe they sent me cats! What’s next? A hedgehog?

Katie and Elise looked at each other, wondering if all the people were going to be like her.

Doctor game - null | Hedgehog pet, Cute kawaii animals, Baby hedgehog

Matilda: I’ll let you two get settled. And remember: no sleeping.

Matilda stomped off and started talking to another woman.

Katie: Do you think she’s ever met a cat?

Elise: I doubt it. Otherwise, she’d know we can hear every word she’s saying, and she might be nicer.

Katie: Probably not. She definitely has her opinions.

For your overly opinionated relative - Album on Imgur

They laughed. After a few minutes, the other woman came over.

Woman: Hi ladies. I’m Julie, and I run this department.

Katie: Hi. I’m Katie and this is Elise.

Julie: I see you’ve met Matilda. Don’t let her get to you. She’s all noise.

Maverick Philosopher: Cats

The cats looked at each other doubtfully.

Julie: I am so happy you are here! It’s so kind of you to help us. If you have any questions, just ask. I want you to be comfortable.

Julie walked off.

Katie: Wow. I hope she’s around more than Matilda.

Elise: Definitely. But now we need to see what all this stuff is.

While the cats were studying the machines, they heard a tap at the window.

Dorchester woman creates popular meme site about feral cats | The ...

Woman: I’m Susan Meyers and… Oh my goodness! You’re cats! Horace, come here! The news was right. Cats are working at the hospital.

Horace: Please excuse my wife. She’s very excitable. We’re happy you’re here to help.

Susan: Oh, yes! And you’re just adorable!

Katie: Thank you ma’am. Are you the one who is ill or is it your husband?

Susan: It’s me. I have a fever and chills. I need to find out if I have “it”.

Katie: Well, you’ve come to the right place. I’ll open the door, and you can speak with Elise.

Lolcats - medical - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures ...

Elise took the woman to a cubicle where she checked Susan’s vital signs and asked her a few questions about her symptoms.

Elise: I’m afraid your symptoms do match those of the virus. You’ll need to wait for the doctor in the quarantine room.

Susan: What about Horace?

Elise: We’ll let him know what’s going on. He can stay where he is, and we’ll keep him updated.

Susan: Thank you so much. I really am happy you’re here.

The morning went by quickly. Most of the humans were pleasant and didn’t seem to be bothered working with the cats. Soon they heard Matilda’s voice.

Cats having their lunch - Picture of The Company of Cats ...

Matilda: Lunchtime, ladies. You get a half hour, and you can’t go at the same time. I’ll examine the patients while you’re gone.

Katie and Elise looked at each other.

Elise: I’ll go first.

The hour seemed like it would never end. Finally, they were back together.

Working cat Memes

Elise: That was horrible.

Katie: She was really slow. People were getting upset.

Elise: She wasn’t any nicer to the patients than she was to us.

Katie: I know. I wonder how she keeps her job.

Elise: The virus is probably afraid of her.

Cat Laughing Hysterically | Funny cat photos

They both laughed and went back to work, this time with Elise at the desk. The afternoon was as busy as the morning, so the time flew by. The cats went home, happy but exhausted.

Next week: Does Matilda adapt to working with cats?

Tired little kitty....in the library! Cats must love books ...

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Snoops and Kommando here. We want to offer condolences to our non-furry sister and her husband. Their cat Spaz crossed over the Rainbow Bridge earlier this week. You may remember Spaz from her and her siblings visit with us last fall or when we interviewed her and her furry siblings

23

Feral Purrfessionals: Cats to the Rescue

Image result for cats being doctors

We last saw Katie Calico and her friend Elise at the end of their first year at Mid-America Animal Tech. They were studying medicine to be able to help treat feral cats. You can read the story at Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5. In the last part, Katie received a scholarship to work with Maria Meowski at her clinic for feral cats. Also in that part, Katie’s mother and Elise’s dad (the dean at the school) married each other.

Katie and Elise have graduated from Animal Tech. Elise has continued to work at Maria’s clinic and loves it. She plans to stay there for the foreseeable future. Elise is working as a lab instructor at the school.

 One day, Katie got a call from her stepfather Edgar asking her to come to the school for a meeting. When Katie arrived, she saw that Elise was there, as well as several other graduates.

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Edgar: Thank you all for coming. I received a call from a human doctor asking for our help.

Maria: Why do they want our help?

Elise: They have some kind of sickness going around that’s really contagious.

Susie: What’s that got to do with us? Do they want to make us sick too?

Edgar: Nothing like that. Whatever this is, cats can’t get it. But human doctors and other medical personnel are at significant risk, particularly when people first some into an emergency room or clinic.

Image result for funny quarantine memes

Katie: Why is that?

Edgar: They don’t know whether the person has this sickness or not.

Katie: What type of sickness is it?

Edgar: It’s a virus that attacks their lungs and their breathing.

Maria: That sounds awful.

Edgar: The humans are very concerned. It’s not just the virus itself. If the medical people get it, they won’t be able to help the others.

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Susie: What do they want us to do?

Edgar: A lot of the clinics have stopped seeing walk-in patients. Everyone has to call first.

Elise: But hospitals have to stay open.

Edgar: They want us to be the face of the hospital. There would be a cat at the front desk. Cats would also be doing triage for the emergency room.

Josie: Exactly what does that mean?

Edgar: You would be the ones who greet the people, take their temperature, and type out their symptoms. There would be two cats working as partners.

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Katie: When does this start and how long will it last?

Edgar: They’d like you as soon as possible. They don’t know how long they will need you.

Katie: What about our current jobs? I definitely want to keep working with Maria.

(The other cats nodded.)

Edgar: I’m sure you can get a leave for this situation. I can speak with anyone who has questions.

Josie: I’m not sure I want to do this. Humans have turned a hose on me and chased me away.

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Edgar: No one will be forced to do it. It’s entirely up to you. Is anyone interested?

All of the cats raised their paws, even Josie. They knew it would be an excellent opportunity to learn new skills. Even if they were practicing on humans.

Edgar: Excellent! The humans will be very happy to hear it. I’ll email you your assignments as soon as I know.

The cats left, nervous but excited.

Next week: Will the cats and humans work together effectively?

Image result for cats being doctors

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

27

Cat Forum: What is a Calico?

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to another edition of Cat Forum.

Kommando: Hey, Snoops. Why does Mom call you her favorite cali?

Snoops: It’s short for calico. That’s what they call the beautiful coloring of my fur.

Kommando: That’s strange. I looked up cali (with a c) in the dictionary, and they said it was a city in Colombia

Snoops: Hmm. That’s odd.

Image result for cat destroying things meme

Kommando: Yeah. That’s what I thought. So I looked it up with a “k”.

Snoops: What did it say?

Kommando: The Hindu goddess of death and destruction. That seemed a bit extreme, since you’re usually pretty laid back.

Snoops: Thanks. Like I said, it’s just short for Calico.

Kommando: OK, that makes more sense.

Pauses. Then looks up again.

Kommando: Uh, Snoops? This says that calico is a cotton material imported from India or some other type of cotton material

Image result for white calico catcalico cloth

Snoops: That’s not right. Keep looking.

Kommando: OK, OK. Let’s see. How about a blotched or spotted animal? One that is predominantly white with red and black patches.

Snoops: Good grief. What are you reading?

Kommando: It’s called Merriam-Webster.

Snoops: Well. I don’t know who that it, but they’re crazy.

Kommando: That sounds pretty ugly. Are you sure Mom means it as a compliment?

Snoops: Yes. I’m sure. I think that Miriam lady hates cats.

Image result for white calico cat

Kommando: Maybe. There are some strange people out there.

Snoops: Anyway. We do have three colors. And usually they’re white, black and orange. Some are predominantly white and some are predominantly black.

Kommando: So humans just go in and order a calico in the colors they want?

Snoops. Of course not. We’re not a breed. It’s a coat pattern.

Kommando: Oh. So you’re just a regular cat.

Image result for maneki neko calico

Snoops: Hmmph. Some people think we’re lucky.

Kommando: Really?

Snoops: Yep. Here and in England, male calico cats are lucky because they’re so rare.

Kommando: OK. So that lets you out. You’re a girl.

Snoops: True. But in Japan, Maneki neko (a cat talisman) is almost always a calico, and they think she brings good fortune and wealth. Not only that, traditionally Japanese sailors brought calicos on voyages to chase away storms and angry ancestral spirits.

Kommando: That’s pretty cool.

Image result for calico cat maryland

Snoops: And we’re the official state cat of Maryland. That’s kinda weird though. They didn’t pick us because we’re awesome. They picked us because we look like their state bird, the oriole.

Kommando: It says that sometimes humans confuse you guys with tortoiseshells.

Snoops: That’s weird. Torties don’t have white in their coats. Humans just don’t pay attention.

Kommando: That’s true enough.  Well, I guess being three colored is better than being a goddess of destruction.

Image result for calico cat memes

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

20

Advice for Today’s Cat

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Welcome to House of Cats, the home of all things cat. Put your humans in another room and enjoy some time with us. Today we are welcoming Muffy Fluffington, the author of Own Your Human, Don’t Let Your Human Own You. Today Muffy is going to answer some of the most common questions she gets.

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My human says I never do anything, but when I try to help her, she puts me on the floor.

This is a common problem. Humans just don’t understand that they need help with their typing, cooking, and needlework. If they won’t let you do anything else, at least share some fur. Everything is better with fur.

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My food tastes terrible since my human changed it. I think she’s trying to put me on a diet.

Humans do have a funny idea about what we should look like. I think it’s part of the whole body image issue they have with their own kind. They can’t control their own weight, so they want to control ours. In your case, I would force your human to taste some of the food they want you to eat. I can guarantee they won’t like it.

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My human rearranged the furniture. My favorite tree and pillow aren’t near the windows anymore.

This one is easily solved. Pull your blanket over to whatever they have put by the window and sleep there. When they move you, go back as soon as they leave. Before long, you’ll have your sunny window back.

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I have been trying to teach my human to catch mice for three years. Should I give up?

As much as humans complain about mice in the house, most of them never learn how to catch the little guys. I would say that you should give them one more shot. Don’t go after the mice yourself. Once there are a few running around, your human may be more motivated to follow your example.

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My humans just got one of those miniature humans. It never shuts up. How do I get some sleep?

Those baby humans are a problem. Before you know it, the kid will be running after you and trying to give you hugs with sticky hands. For right now, I recommend that you convince your humans to get you one of those snuggle sacks that you can crawl into. That should keep out a lot of the noise. Another option is to use whatever spot you have for when they turn on the cat-sucking cleaning machine.

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My human wants to bathe me. Just because she read that cats should be bathed once in a while.

What an awful idea! You have no option but to make bath time so miserable for her that she gives up. I recommend you start with hissing and growling. If that doesn’t work, move on to squirming. As a last resort, kick your way to freedom. And hide where she can’t reach you.

That’s all the time we have for this week’s House of Cats. Thank you all for tuning in. You can release your humans now.

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

23

Snoops and Kommando: Famous British Kitties

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Hello. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Mom says she has something called a writer’s block. We really don’t know what she’s talking about since we haven’t seen any new blocks.

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At any rate, we looked through our files and thought that maybe you would like to hear about some famous kitties. There were quite a few to choose from, but somehow this list ended up being all British. (Mainly because some of the other kitties came to a sad end or were actually TV or Internet stars.) Or maybe the Brits keep better records of their cats.)

Some of these kitties lived a long time ago. Since we couldn’t get pictures of everyone, we decided that it would only be fair to not show anyone. (Besides, some of the pictures are licensed and we found out we can’t pay with mice.)

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Beerbohm – Beerbohm was the resident cat at the Globe Theatre in London (now the Gielgud Theatre). He loved to walk into dressing rooms and attack whatever props he could find. He also made himself at home on the stage, walking through many productions. As a sign of his popularity, he is the only cat to be given an obituary on the front page of the industry magazine The Stage.

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Crimean Tom – During the Crimean War, Sevastopol was under siege for a year. When the British and French troops finally liberated the city, the residents were starving. Tom had survived the war, looking well-fed and healthy. The soldiers followed Tom one day to a store room full of food. Tom had saved the food by eating the mice and rats that tried to eat it. The store of food kept the soldiers from starving. Tom returned to Britain with one of the soldiers.

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Faith – Faith had been adopted by the rector of St. Augustine church. During the London Blitz, she took her kitten, Panda, to the church basement. Every time Panda would go upstairs, Faith would bring him back to the basement. St. Augustine was near St. Paul’s Cathedral, which was destroyed (except the tower) by the Germans. The only creatures that survived the bombing were Faith and Panda. She was awarded a medal for courage by the Archbishop of Canterbury.

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Simon – Simon was a British kitty who lived on the HMs Amethyst during the Chinese Civil War. In 1949, the ship ran aground and was stuck for three months. Simon has been wounded by a shell blast, but continued to protect the human food by killing rats trying to eat it. He also kept morale up. He was awarded the PDSA Dickin medal for bravery. He is the only cat to have received this medal.

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Unsinkable Sam – When the German Battleship, Bismarck, was sunk by the British Navy, only 100+ men and one cat survived. The British HMS Cossack rescued the cat and named him Oscar. Unfortunately, the Cossack was torpedoed near Gibraltar. Oscar survived again and was renamed Unsinkable Sam. He was rescued by the HMS Ark Royal, which was torpedoed near Malta. After surviving three shipwrecks in six months, he was taken to Britain to live out his life on dry land in a seaman’s home.

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Wilberforce – Wilberforce was the Chief Mouser at No. 10 Downing St., the home of the British Prime Minister. No. 10 Downing St., is almost 300 years old, and has a number of resident rats and mice. The Chief Mouser is responsible for keeping the vermin under control. Wilberforce was considered to be a top-notch mouser. He has had the longest tenure to this point, serving every PM from Edward Heath to Margaret Thatcher.

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Wyatt’s Caterer – Sir Henry Wyatt was imprisoned by King Richard III. He made friends with a cat who brought him food (mainly birds, not rodents). Eventually Sir Henry was released by King Henry VII (who defeated Richard III in battle and took the throne). A memorial to Sir Henry credits the Caterer with his survival during his imprisonment.

These cats are pretty impressive. There are many other cats who have saved humans from fires, medical emergencies, and gas leaks in their homes. Cat are also emotional and therapy support animals. Our purrs are therapeutic. You can see why cats rule. (And we’re beautiful too.)

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21

Cat Forum: Valentine’s Day

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Snoops and Kommando here. Thank you for joining us for another edition of Cat Forum. As you may know, Friday is Valentine’s Day. Yep. Another day for humans to give presents to each other. As cats, we welcome presents any time. This year we’re giving the humans some ideas about special ways they can spend time with us.

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Kommando: I’m going to ask Mom to take us to a cat café.

Snoops: Why do you want that?

Kommando: I want to order a salmon steak.

Snoops: That’s not what a cat café is. They have people come in and look at cats, possibly to adopt them.

Kommando: That’s dumb. French cafes are for French people. Italian cafes are for Italian people. Why can’t cat cafes serve food to cats?

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Snoops: I don’t know. People are strange.

Kommando: That’s for sure. How about if she rents that “Cats” movie? It’s full of cats, right?

Snoops: Sort of. It’s a bunch of people dressed up like cats. And they sing.

Kommando: Do they really look like cats?

Image result for cat singing meme

Snoops: I don’t think so. They use human faces.

Kommando: That’s really creepy. What do you think we should do with Mom?

Snoops: I found this site called Elite Daily that has some ideas:

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Game Night – The human is supposed to spend the whole night playing with us. She’s even supposed to buy each of us a new toy.

Watch TV – We’re supposed to cuddle up with Mom and watch that big black screen in the corner of the living room. The people at Daily Elite recommend something called Planet Earth on Netflix. It seems like any show with a lot of animals in it might work.

Cat Treat Baking Party – The human is supposed to make fancy treats for us and then feed them to us. They recommend the human find recipes on YouTube under “Cat Treat Recipes.

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Build a Cat Fort – The human is supposed to get boxes from work or packages that come to the house. Then the night before Valentine’s Day, they secretly build a fort to surprise us with on Valentine’s Day.

Cook a Special Dinner for Two – The human makes a dinner that we like. Then we sit down at a special table and eat it.

Dance Around to Our Favorite Songs – She finds recordings of our favorite songs and then we dance together.

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Kommando: I don’t know. A couple of them sound a little weird.

Snoops: You’re right. I’m not sure any of them would work for us. I can’t see game night really working out. You hog all the toys.

Kommando: I can’t help it if I’m better at it.

Snoops: Whatever. Mom never has the TV on. I’m not sure she knows how to use it.

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Kommando: We could get our fur-less brother to set it up. Dad used to use it.

Snoops: If that’s what they want us to watch, forget it.

Kommando: I think our shows wouldn’t have so many people in them.

Snoops: I don’t see the point in the cat treat baking party or building a fort. They both sound pawsome, but I don’t see where we get to spend time with Mom.

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Kommando: I agree. The dinner for two sounds good. But I want to be with Mom, not at a special dinner.

Snoops: I’m not sure how it’s different from when Mom shares her dinner with us.

Kommando: True. I hate the idea of a dance party. I don’t want Mom dancing around with me in her arms. And I don’t have favorite songs; I don’t like music.

Snoops: So what should we do with Mom on Valentine’s Day?

Kommando: I like the idea of an extra-long nap with her on the bed warmer.

Snoops: Great idea!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

25

Who’s Our New Neighbor?

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Everyone was excited in Calico Corners, an exclusive subdivision of mainly executives in the food industry. It sounded like they finally had a buyer for the Foster property. It had been empty since Suzy Moggy-Foster had been reassigned to the research facility in Paraguay.

It was unusual for the house to still be on the market since it was an extremely desirable location, and houses often sold before they could be listed on the market. Many cats wondered if it had something to do with Suzy’s rather odd hobby of breeding and selling muskrats.

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Suzy’s replacement was an outsider who really didn’t understand the business. Luckily, he and the company decided it wasn’t working out before he had bought a house. They had no idea who would hire a Rottweiler to be lead taste tester over a team of cats.

It had been four months and the neighbors were really hoping someone would buy it. It was annoying to have those real estate people in the neighborhood. And some of their client cats tromped through the gardens as if they owned the place. Those cats would never fit in at Calico Corners.

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Now it looked like it had been sold to someone. Cielle Calico, heiress to the family who had started the company, told the head of the private school, Tracie Tuxie, to expect some new students. Cielle wasn’t sure how many, but probably 10-12.

The cats were appalled. What type of cat family had that many kittens? Didn’t they know it was bad manners to have more than one litter with all the overpopulation issues? In fact, some couples were choosing not to have kittens at all.

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At the homeowners’ association meeting, the cats wanted answers.

Tammy Tabby: Is it true that you finally sold the Foster house?

Cielle: Yes, we did. And they’re lovely animals.

Sammy Shorthair: What do they do?

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Cielle: The tom owns a construction business and he’s opening a branch here.

Frankie Forest: What breed of cat are they?

Cielle: I’m not really sure. I’m working with a broker.

Frankie: Well, where are they coming from?

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Cielle: Somewhere in Africa.

Tammy: Wow. That’s a long way. It will be exciting to have such interesting neighbors.

Sammy: I can guarantee that they’ll have short fur like me. When are they moving in.?

Cielle: As soon as we have their property ready.

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Tammy: What are you doing to it?

Cielle hesitated.

Cielle: We’re taking out all of the grass and bringing in extra dirt.

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Frankie: What? We don’t want that in our neighborhood. Do you have any idea what that’s going to look like? It’ll ruin the appeal of the entire subdivision.

Morrie Manx: That’s for sure. Exactly what type of cats are these?

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Next week: The new neighbors move in.

 Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

20

Cat Forum: New Year’s Resolutions

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Greetings fellow felines and assorted others. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. The is our first opportunity to tell you about our New Year’s resolutions. We decided to make joint resolutions this year. So, here they are:

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We resolve not to fight so much.

Kommando: You mean you won’t lick my neck only to chomp on it?

Snoops: I have to make sure it’s clean. And it’s not like I can actually get to the skin through all that thick fur. Besides, I think it’s more directed at you hiding out and then attacking me.

Kommando: I do not hide out.

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Snoops: What do you call running in from another room or behind a box?

Kommando: Strategic placement of my body.

Snoops: Grrr.

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We resolve not to eat each other’s food.

Kommando: Yeah. No more snarfing my canned food.

Snoops: I do not snarf your food.

Kommando: I’ve seen you do it.

Snoops: I don’t touch your food until you’ve left the room. Besides you do the same thing.

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Kommando: I still think you get more than your share.

Snoops: What about you? I wait at the kibble dish or the water fountain while someone fills it, and as soon as you hear the sound of them being refilled you run in and push me out of the way.

Kommando: I’m just trying to protect you from being poisoned. You should thank me.

Snoops: Thank you? Mom is not going to poison us. You’re just being rude.

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We resolve not to fight over Mom.

Snoops: Meaning that you will not step on me or push me out of the way to get next to Mom.

Kommando: She’s MY human.

Snoops: She belongs to both of us.

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Kommando: Nope. Don’t you remember? Your humans were Dad and the blond girl. My humans were Mom and blondie’s brother. It was all Kommando, all the time for Mom. You can’t blame me because you ran out of humans and mine are both still here.

Snoops: That’s just mean. Mom said that she’s the primary human for both of us.

Kommando: It doesn’t mean that I don’t get first cuddles.

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Snoops: Lucky Mom goes out of her way to make sure I get enough pets and cuddles.

Kommando: Grrr.

Snoops: Was there anything else?

Kommando: No. I think apart from those things, we’re pretty much perfect.

Snoops: I agree. Let’s take a nap.

Kommando: Sounds good to me.

All pictures (except us) courtesy of Google Images

18

Santa Claws and the New Delivery System – Part 2

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Where we are: Mortimer Weasel has convinced Santa Claws that he needs to have his toys built by elves all over the world rather than just the North Pole. Santa would be able to pick up the toys locally for delivery to the kittens in the area. Unfortunately, Santa finds out three days before Christmas that some of the toys won’t be ready.

(The link to the first part of the story is at the right.)

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Santa: What am I going to do? That idiot has ruined Christmas for all of those poor little kittens.

Mrs. Claws: I have an idea.

Santa: Thank you, dear. But I don’t think there’s time for anything now.

Mrs. Claws: Just trust me.

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Mrs. Claws ran off while Santa continued to pace back and forth. Finally, he curled up in front of the fire and went to sleep. He dreamed about chasing weasels through the snow.

When Santa woke up, it was dark. Mrs. Claws still wasn’t back. He walked back to the house; she wasn’t there either. Where had she gone? Finally, she came in and nuzzled Santa.

Santa: There you are! I was getting worried. Where have you been?

Mrs. Claws: I told you. I had an idea about how to fix your problem.

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Santa: Did it work?

Mrs. Claws: We’ll know in the morning.

Santa and Mrs. Claws had dinner. They curled up and went to sleep. Before they knew it, someone was ringing the bell. Santa got up and answered the door. It was Greta. She had been chief of toy production before Mortimer eliminated her job.

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Santa: Greta! It’s wonderful to see you! How have you been? What brings you here?

Greta: I’m great, Santa. Mrs. Claws came to see me yesterday and told me about your problems. We elves had been wondering how this new system was going to work. Everyone’s feeling badly that we let that weasel talk us into it.

Santa: It’s not your fault, Greta. I’m sure he made it sound fool-proof.

Greta: Anyway, is Mrs. Claws here?

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Mrs. Claws: Greta! How are you doing?

Greta: We’re ready to show Santa the big surprise.

Santa: What big surprise?

Mrs. Claws: You’ll see. Come with us.

The three of them walked toward the toy shop. Santa was surprised to see all the lights on. The local elves had finished their work at the beginning of the month and were all on vacation until after Christmas.

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Greta opened the door, and Santa saw the elves working feverishly, building the extra toys he needed.

Santa: Greta, how did you do this? I thought everyone had left town.

Greta: No one wanted to miss Christmas Eve, even if we weren’t working. When Mrs. Claws told us about the kittens who were going to miss their visit from Santa Claws, we got to work. You should have everything you need before you go.

Santa: Greta, I can’t believe you would do that. Particularly after the way Mortimer treated you.

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Greta: It doesn’t have anything to do with him. It’s about the kittens.

Santa: That’s true. It is about the kittens. I don’t know how to thank you. Please tell the elves that they’ll be getting double their regular Christmas bonus regardless of whether or not they get everything finished.

Santa and Mrs. Claws left the elves to their work. Santa was beside himself with excitement. Maybe it was going to be all right after all.

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The next day, Santa got dressed and ready for the trip. He went to the toy shop to see how everything had worked out. He was amazed to see everything he needed for the area around Guam.

Greta: What do you think, Santa? They’re all here; no kitten with be without a gift. I’m really proud of the team.

Santa: Greta, the team is truly incredible. Excellent as always. I couldn’t have done this Christmas without all of you.

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Santa Claws made his trip around the world. The new regional delivery system wasn’t too bad, but he didn’t like not having control of the quality. Some things just weren’t up to his and Greta’s standards.

When Santa returned to the North Pole, he fired Mortimer and gave Greta her old job back. He didn’t want to fire all of the regional elves, so Greta worked out a system where they would do early production. Everything would be sent to the North Pole for completion and quality control.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images.