14

The RHCCC: Mousing School

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When we introduced the Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove, you might recall that Daphne works on the docks. She is a crew chief in charge of vermin control.

The Maine Coon Cat

Crabapple Cove is a hot tourist destination, and every summer the businesses hire extra staff to deal with the crowds. The owners all like to have at least a couple of mousers on staff as a guard against anything stealing the food or scaring the guests. It was a great job for kids on summer break.

Daphne noticed that a lot of the young cats didn’t last long on the job. When she asked around, she found out that they really didn’t understand what the job of mouser entailed. Sensing an opportunity, she decided to open a small mouser school at her house. Her first class had four students. It didn’t take long to find the issues.

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Daphne: Hi! I’m Daphne. Welcome to Mousing 101. Please introduce yourselves and tell us why you’re here.

Tyler: My mom said I had to get a summer job.

Mindy: Molly and I want to work on the docks. It’s the best place to meet cute guys when they first get here.

Molly (giggling): Yeah. Less competition than in town.

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Daphne: It’s hard work on the docks. Have either of you two moused before?

Mindy and Molly looked at each other.

Mindy: Isn’t that why we’re here?

Molly: My mom doesn’t let mice in our house. She says they’re disgusting.

Daphne looked at the final young cat.

Joseph: I think that all cats should know how to mouse, and I never had a chance to learn.

Why Does My Cat Pounce?

Daphne: Okay, class. First, I’ll demonstrate the proper form. You listen carefully. When you think you hear something, get into your pounce stance and wait patiently. Don’t move until you see the target and think you have a good jump on it. You don’t want to spend a lot of energy running around if you don’t have to.

Daphne crouched into the correct position and sat. 

Daphne: Okay, everyone try the position.

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The young cats mimicked her crouch. Daphne stood in front and looked at them. She didn’t say anything. A few seconds passed.

Molly: How long do we have to sit like this? It’s boring.

Daphne: You have to wait until the mouse appears.

Molly: You didn’t say anything about waiting for a mouse.

Daphne sighed.

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Daphne: Okay. It looks like everyone gets the concept. I’m going to release four mice somewhere in the room. You need to listen for one of them, then practice your pounce. Do NOT hurt the mouse. We are practicing.

Tyler: I can’t eat my mouse? Why should I bother catching it?

Daphne: These are special mice who have been trained to help teach you. They’re not a snack.

Mindy: Thank goodness. I don’t like the taste of mice.

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Joseph: Are you sure you want to work on the dock? I don’t think they practice catch-and-release with what they find.

Mindy: I only want to work there until I find a boyfriend.

Joseph: Maybe you can get a job sitting there looking pretty. That way they won’t miss you when you quit.

Daphne: All right. I released the mice behind the walls. Everyone find a mouse.

The young cats stalked around the room listening carefully. One by one, they found a mouse to concentrate on. Each cat sat patiently waiting for their mouse to appear. Joseph pounced first and came up with the mouse in his mouth.

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Daphne: Excellent form! You’re a natural. You can let your mouse go.

Joseph released the mouse and thanked Daphne. He went to sit on the sofa and wait for the other cats. Molly was the next one with a mouse. She dropped it, and held it with her paw.

Daphne: Pawsome! You’ll be fine working as a mouser.

Molly joined Joseph on the sofa just as Mindy came up with her mouse. As soon as Mindy tasted the mouse, she dropped it and cried.

Mindy: Eww! That’s disgusting! How can you cats stand to have those in your mouths.  Blech!!

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Daphne started laughing. The other cats joined in.

Daphne: Mindy, I’m afraid you’re going to have to find a different line of work. You are definitely not cut out to be a mouser.

Mindy: Fine. This is revolting. I’m don’t want to date any cat that’s impressed by this.

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Mindy jumped up on the sofa to watch Tyler. He seemed to be having trouble locating his mouse. Suddenly, the mouse ran out past him. Tyler took off after the mouse only to lose him in a corner. Tyler waited a while longer, but the mouse didn’t reappear.

Tyler: This is stupid. I’m not going to wait all day for some stupid mouse to come out. I’ll find a job doing something else.

Mindy: Me too. Let’s get out of here.

Tyler and Mindy left together.

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Daphne: Molly and Joseph, you did excellent work today. I’d like to invite you both back next week for a follow-up lesson in stalking.

Both cats nodded their heads. They left together talking excitedly about how much more fun it was to catch a mouse than they thought it was going to be.

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Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

20

Cat Forum: New Year’s Resolutions

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Greetings fellow felines and assorted others. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. The is our first opportunity to tell you about our New Year’s resolutions. We decided to make joint resolutions this year. So, here they are:

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We resolve not to fight so much.

Kommando: You mean you won’t lick my neck only to chomp on it?

Snoops: I have to make sure it’s clean. And it’s not like I can actually get to the skin through all that thick fur. Besides, I think it’s more directed at you hiding out and then attacking me.

Kommando: I do not hide out.

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Snoops: What do you call running in from another room or behind a box?

Kommando: Strategic placement of my body.

Snoops: Grrr.

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We resolve not to eat each other’s food.

Kommando: Yeah. No more snarfing my canned food.

Snoops: I do not snarf your food.

Kommando: I’ve seen you do it.

Snoops: I don’t touch your food until you’ve left the room. Besides you do the same thing.

Image result for cat fighting over food meme

Kommando: I still think you get more than your share.

Snoops: What about you? I wait at the kibble dish or the water fountain while someone fills it, and as soon as you hear the sound of them being refilled you run in and push me out of the way.

Kommando: I’m just trying to protect you from being poisoned. You should thank me.

Snoops: Thank you? Mom is not going to poison us. You’re just being rude.

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We resolve not to fight over Mom.

Snoops: Meaning that you will not step on me or push me out of the way to get next to Mom.

Kommando: She’s MY human.

Snoops: She belongs to both of us.

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Kommando: Nope. Don’t you remember? Your humans were Dad and the blond girl. My humans were Mom and blondie’s brother. It was all Kommando, all the time for Mom. You can’t blame me because you ran out of humans and mine are both still here.

Snoops: That’s just mean. Mom said that she’s the primary human for both of us.

Kommando: It doesn’t mean that I don’t get first cuddles.

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Snoops: Lucky Mom goes out of her way to make sure I get enough pets and cuddles.

Kommando: Grrr.

Snoops: Was there anything else?

Kommando: No. I think apart from those things, we’re pretty much perfect.

Snoops: I agree. Let’s take a nap.

Kommando: Sounds good to me.

All pictures (except us) courtesy of Google Images

18

Cat TV – Part 2

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So far – Josie and Kenny’s TV have gone out, and the technician won’t be available for at least three days. They are devastated, but Mom and Dad aren’t very sympathetic.

Josie: Mooom, I’m bored.

Mom: Did you do your homework?

Josie: Yes. Now I’m bored.

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Mom: Read a book.

Josie: I don’t have any.

Mom: Go to the library.

Josie: Yuck! What if someone sees me?

Mom: What if they do?

Josie (sighing): Mom, you’re impossible.

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Kenny: I’m bored.

Mom: I don’t suppose you have anything else to do either.

Kenny: Nope.

Mom: Then clean your rooms.

They look at her and roll their eyes. She doesn’t move. They stomp off to their rooms. At dinner:

Dad: You two look gloomy. Did you have a bad day?

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Kenny: We didn’t have anything to do, so Mom made us clean our rooms.

Dad: Oh, that is a crisis.

Kenny and Josie glare at him.

Mom: Well, tomorrow you can go visit Grandma. I’m sure she has something for you to do.

Josie: It has to be better than today.

The next day, they walk over to Grandma’s house. She’s outside getting ready to pounce on something. Josie and Kenny run up to her.

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Josie: Hi Grandma! Mom sent us over here because we’re bored. Do you have a TV we can watch?

Grandma: Goodness, no. What a waste of time. Wouldn’t you two rather run around the yard?

Josie: No TV?

Grandma: Josie, we’re cats. Cats don’t watch TV.

Josie: All of our friends do.

Grandma: When did you pick up that nasty human habit? Doesn’t it interfere with your running around and climbing things?

Kenny: Why would we do that?

Grandma: That’s what real cats do.

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Josie: Next thing you know, she going to tell us we should be out chasing mice and pouncing on bugs.

Grandma: Exactly! Those are excellent cat skills. Look over there; the bush is moving. Let’s see who can pounce the fastest.

The kittens thought it was silly, but since it was Grandma they played along. To their surprise, she was faster by far. She jumped at the bush, but the bird got away.

Kenny: Wow, Grandma! You can run a lot faster than we can.

Grandma: That’s because I’ve been running since I was a kitten. Now, see if you can catch me.

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Grandma took off with Kenny close behind. She got to the maple tree and ran up the side to the first branch. Kenny stood under her.

Kenny: No fair! How can I catch you up there?

Grandma: The same way I got here. Climb the tree.

Kenny: How do I get down.?

Grandma: It isn’t very high. Jump off.

Kenny: Wow! This is fun. Can you show us how to do all this old-fashioned stuff?

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They had so much fun that it was time to go home before they realized it.

Josie: Thank you, Grandma. That was great.

Grandma: I had a lot of fun too. But if you’re going to watch TV, watch Cat TV. That human stuff will rot your mind.

Josie: What’s Cat TV?

Grandma: If you have to be inside, watch what’s out the window. You’ll see all kinds of interesting things. You can practice your running and pouncing in your head.

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Josie and Kenny ran home for dinner.

Dad: Did you have fun at Grandma’s?

Kenny: It was pawsome! She taught us all the things she learned when she was a kitten. We ran around and tried to kill bugs and climbed trees.

Dad: That does sound like fun. You should be happy. The TV technician comes tomorrow. You should have TV by nighttime.

Kenny: That’s OK. We’re going to watch Cat TV instead.

Josie nodded. Their parents were astounded.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images