14

The RHCCC: Mousing School

4 Ways To Get Into 'Back To School' Mode With Your Cat - CatTime

When we introduced the Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove, you might recall that Daphne works on the docks. She is a crew chief in charge of vermin control.

The Maine Coon Cat

Crabapple Cove is a hot tourist destination, and every summer the businesses hire extra staff to deal with the crowds. The owners all like to have at least a couple of mousers on staff as a guard against anything stealing the food or scaring the guests. It was a great job for kids on summer break.

Daphne noticed that a lot of the young cats didn’t last long on the job. When she asked around, she found out that they really didn’t understand what the job of mouser entailed. Sensing an opportunity, she decided to open a small mouser school at her house. Her first class had four students. It didn’t take long to find the issues.

Teacher Cat (@realteachercat) | Twitter

Daphne: Hi! I’m Daphne. Welcome to Mousing 101. Please introduce yourselves and tell us why you’re here.

Tyler: My mom said I had to get a summer job.

Mindy: Molly and I want to work on the docks. It’s the best place to meet cute guys when they first get here.

Molly (giggling): Yeah. Less competition than in town.

26 Funny Mafia Cat Pictures. | Cat island, Cat island japan, Cat pics

Daphne: It’s hard work on the docks. Have either of you two moused before?

Mindy and Molly looked at each other.

Mindy: Isn’t that why we’re here?

Molly: My mom doesn’t let mice in our house. She says they’re disgusting.

Daphne looked at the final young cat.

Joseph: I think that all cats should know how to mouse, and I never had a chance to learn.

Why Does My Cat Pounce?

Daphne: Okay, class. First, I’ll demonstrate the proper form. You listen carefully. When you think you hear something, get into your pounce stance and wait patiently. Don’t move until you see the target and think you have a good jump on it. You don’t want to spend a lot of energy running around if you don’t have to.

Daphne crouched into the correct position and sat. 

Daphne: Okay, everyone try the position.

Exercise for your cat - PDSA

The young cats mimicked her crouch. Daphne stood in front and looked at them. She didn’t say anything. A few seconds passed.

Molly: How long do we have to sit like this? It’s boring.

Daphne: You have to wait until the mouse appears.

Molly: You didn’t say anything about waiting for a mouse.

Daphne sighed.

What to Do When Your Cat Brings You a 'Gift'

Daphne: Okay. It looks like everyone gets the concept. I’m going to release four mice somewhere in the room. You need to listen for one of them, then practice your pounce. Do NOT hurt the mouse. We are practicing.

Tyler: I can’t eat my mouse? Why should I bother catching it?

Daphne: These are special mice who have been trained to help teach you. They’re not a snack.

Mindy: Thank goodness. I don’t like the taste of mice.

Lonely Cat On The Dock - Stock Video | Motion Array

Joseph: Are you sure you want to work on the dock? I don’t think they practice catch-and-release with what they find.

Mindy: I only want to work there until I find a boyfriend.

Joseph: Maybe you can get a job sitting there looking pretty. That way they won’t miss you when you quit.

Daphne: All right. I released the mice behind the walls. Everyone find a mouse.

The young cats stalked around the room listening carefully. One by one, they found a mouse to concentrate on. Each cat sat patiently waiting for their mouse to appear. Joseph pounced first and came up with the mouse in his mouth.

Funny Cat and Mouse Videos | Tom and Jerry Real Life Best funny - YouTube

Daphne: Excellent form! You’re a natural. You can let your mouse go.

Joseph released the mouse and thanked Daphne. He went to sit on the sofa and wait for the other cats. Molly was the next one with a mouse. She dropped it, and held it with her paw.

Daphne: Pawsome! You’ll be fine working as a mouser.

Molly joined Joseph on the sofa just as Mindy came up with her mouse. As soon as Mindy tasted the mouse, she dropped it and cried.

Mindy: Eww! That’s disgusting! How can you cats stand to have those in your mouths.  Blech!!

A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went str… | Laughing cat, Laughing animals, Laughing pictures

Daphne started laughing. The other cats joined in.

Daphne: Mindy, I’m afraid you’re going to have to find a different line of work. You are definitely not cut out to be a mouser.

Mindy: Fine. This is revolting. I’m don’t want to date any cat that’s impressed by this.

karen (Woodside, NY)'s review of I Could Pee On This: And Other Poems By Cats

Mindy jumped up on the sofa to watch Tyler. He seemed to be having trouble locating his mouse. Suddenly, the mouse ran out past him. Tyler took off after the mouse only to lose him in a corner. Tyler waited a while longer, but the mouse didn’t reappear.

Tyler: This is stupid. I’m not going to wait all day for some stupid mouse to come out. I’ll find a job doing something else.

Mindy: Me too. Let’s get out of here.

Tyler and Mindy left together.

PsBattle: Two cats walking side by side | Cute cats, Pretty cats, Pets

Daphne: Molly and Joseph, you did excellent work today. I’d like to invite you both back next week for a follow-up lesson in stalking.

Both cats nodded their heads. They left together talking excitedly about how much more fun it was to catch a mouse than they thought it was going to be.

Two Cats Cuddle While Walking Together and the Internet Can't Handle It

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

22

You want to Bring Home a Dog??!!

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Don’t worry. We are remaining an all-feline household. Mom says that she is much too lazy to have a dog. And our human siblings are completely Team Cat as well. But Mom and our human brother were talking recently about how our human dad had wanted a dog several years ago.

Over 65 Unforgettable Dog Memes Hilarious Pictures Unleashed! | Funny  animal jokes, Funny dog memes, Funny animal memes

We had no idea there were so many kinds of dogs. Some definitely sound like better housemates than others. Lower energy and easygoing personalities sound the best to us. Mom would have insisted on a shelter dog, so we probably would have ended up with a goofy fur sib.

Why Does My Dog or Cat Have Bad Breath? - Bothell Pet Hospital

It got our furry brains wondering what life would have been like with a doggy sibling. First thing, it would have probably not have smelled as good. Dogs just smell – different. They probably smell fine to other dogs. But we’re cats – with cat standards. It’s hard enough dealing with some of the funky human smells.

dog shaming food Archives | 3 Million Dogs

And dogs eat – different. From what we’ve been able to read, some are not really very selective about what they eat, particularly about whether what they put in their mouths belongs to them. Or is even food.

21 Dogs Who Clearly Have No Idea How HUGE They Are

We probably would have had to fight for cuddle time too. It’s bad enough with just us cats, but imagine what it would have been like with something that considers itself “man’s best friend.” And it would have been bigger than us too. Humans are so hard to retrain; it would have been a nightmare.

funny-dog-cat-big-bed-jerk - Holidog Times EN

It probably would have taken even longer to train the dog. Even though dogs are obviously intended to be minion material, it would have been a lot of work.

14 Times Cats Tried To Blame Everything On The Dog (Memes) - I Can Has  Cheezburger?

On the other paw, it might have been nice to have someone to blame for stuff getting knocked over or broken. And it probably would have been tall enough to get stuff down for us. And maybe we could have ridden it…

17 Dogs That Are Completely Terrified of Totally Normal Things | Rolig  katt, Gulliga katter, Galna katter

Note: If any of you hear your humans talking about a canine baby, these breeds were mentioned in more than one place as good personality matches with cats: Basset Hound, Beagle, Bichon Frise, Bulldog, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, Collie, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, Maltese, Papillon, Poodle, Pug, Shetland Sheepdog

Intensive online training courses in proofreading | Funny animal pictures,  Animals doing funny things, Cute cats

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

17

Training Your Cat (LOL

PsBattle: This cat sitting down. : photoshopbattles

Humans are so cute.  We read an article this week about how to train your cat. Hopefully, all you felines out there know that we train. We are not trained.

Human obedience training. - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny  cat pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

We are aware that some of you love your humans so much that you would do almost anything for them. We are not judging you; you are welcome to do whatever you want. Even in this instance, however, you are controlling what you are doing for your human. They are not controlling your behavior.

Shelter Cats Across the Country Are Learning to High Five to Increase Their  Adoption Chances | PEOPLE.com

The other cats who may engage in this type of behavior are those who are seeking fame and fortune. Due to the intense species-ism of the humans, we must cater to their whim of feeling that they are in control. Be careful. Jumping onto a shelf or slapping your human’s hand is one thing. Walking on your hind legs in a tutu is strictly dog territory no matter how badly you want to be on YouTube.

Clicker Training Your Cat – PoC

The humans recommend two methods of training. They will either use a “clicker” or treats to motivate you. We have no clue why they think that the average cat would respond to a clicker. There is nothing for us in that arrangement. Even if you love your human, try to get them to move to the treat method.

Why does my cat steal things? | The Healthy Pet Club

When they get out the clicker, lead them to the treat jar. If they don’t get the idea at first, don’t respond to the clicker. If your human continues to try the clicker, you may need to be a little more direct. We recommend you hide the clicker. Preferably someplace they won’t look – like the back of the closet.

Cute Cat Meme - Imgflip

If your human uses treats, make sure they are good treats. Also make sure you get a whole treat every time. Some humans are recommending that we only get a piece of treat every time we do what they want so we don’t get fat. If your human tries that, wait patiently for the rest of the treat before you do anything else.

Why do cats lie in the sun? | Tenerife News – Official Website

We recommend that even if you want to be “trained” by your human, you need to set limits. If you’re not getting famous or gaining the complete attention of your human, go back to your regular hobbies. There’s no point in annoying yourself when you could be relaxing in the sun.

Pampered Cat - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures  with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

Of course, never let your human know that you are humoring them. We get more if they think they are in charge.

Training my Human to walk on a leash... - Cheezburger - Funny Memes | Funny  Pictures

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

26

How to Tell a Cat From a Dog

Places That Will Take Care Of Your Pet If Something Happens To You ...

We would lo point out some obvious differences between cats and dogs. Hopefully, you will find this entertaining, but not informative. If any of this information is new to you, we recommend you spend some time volunteering at an animal shelter. Better yet, adopt a shelter animal.

Cats are more flexible.

25 Hysterically Flexible Cats Who Broke All the Laws of Physics

Is your dog clumsy? Top 10 most accident-prone dogs

Dogs are friendlier.

Ten Cats With Their Terrible Friends Who Embarrass Them | Animals ...

I Has A Hotdog - friendly - Funny Dog Pictures | Dog Memes | Puppy ...

Cats are self-cleaning.

How to Clean Your Cat Without Bathing

Not a bathtub - Imgflip

They both want to lay in your lap, regardless of their size.

Woman Shared Beautiful Photos Of Her Maine Coon Cat - And It's ...

25 Big Dogs Who Think They're Lap Dogs [GALLERY] - DogTime

Cats do not require being walked in the rain.

a cat watching the rain through a window Wallpaper and Background ...

dog walking Archives

Cats train their humans; dogs allow humans to train them.

Carl ~ On Training Your Human | Life With Catnip

A Well Trained Dog Will Make No Attempt to Shareyour Lunch He Will ...

Cats are better at hide-and-seek.

Teach Your Skittish Cat to Be Less Fearful of Strangers

159 Dogs Who Suck At Hide-And-Seek | Bored Panda

Inspired by some new friends of the family:

(Duke, Georgia, Lily, and Tyler)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except the boxers).

23

Stupid Question: Are Cats Smart?

Smart Cat Blank Template - Imgflip

Well, of course we are.

Pin on Funny

Cats are Smarter than Dogs

Humans always talk about how smart dogs are. That’s because dogs are dumb enough to take the humans’ tests. We cats have better things to do with our time.

My brain just exploded - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats ...

Our brain structure and folding (that thing that make brains look lumpy) is 90% similar to the humans. We’re not really sure we agree that thinking like humans makes us smart, but they do. We have 300 million neurons (nerve cells) in the part of the brain that controls thinking and decision-making (the cerebral cortex). Dogs only have 160 million neurons. Cats rule.

This cat opening a door by himself is truly impressive - Entertainment

We Learn the Same Way Humans Do

Cats have what they call procedural learning. We watch and then we do it ourselves. That’s why we can open doors, ring bells, and turning on lights. Generally, we don’t turn lights out (that’s left to our human minions).

We also have what is called object permanence recognition. Just because we can’t see something doesn’t mean we don’t know it’s there. That’s why it’s a really bad idea for humans to hide our treats. We know they’re somewhere, and we will find them.

39 Photos For Anyone Who's Just Having A Bad Day | Funny animals ...

We totally rock at taking new information and applying it to what we already know. Then we can use what we have learned in new situations. We are extremely intelligent kitties.

Cat Protects His Couch - I Can Has Cheezburger?

We are Smarter than Your Human Baby

We can eat our food by ourselves within a few weeks of being born. Your baby needs to be fed for an extended period of time.

20 Of The Cutest Pictures Of Cats And Babies

There is no question that we are cleaner than your baby. Your baby doesn’t care what they look like or what they are covered in. We wouldn’t dream of going out without being fully groomed. And we bathe ourselves.

We are capable of catching our own food. When was the last time you saw a human baby catch a mouse for dinner?

A Cat's Guide to Training Your Human - YouTube

We Train our Humans, They Don’t Train Us

We do what we want to do, when we want to do it. We have our humans trained to feed us, cuddle us, and clean up after us. They play when we want to. A few purrs and cute looks, and they are wrapped around our paws.

So stand tall, fellow cats. We are the superior beings.

This is a picture of a cat., The cat is strutting its stuff.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

(We just passed 1,000 followers. Thank you all very much.)

 

 

30

Cats of the World, Unite!

Image result for cats in group

We have obtained a copy of the meeting notes from the Midwest Regional Cat Special Conference of June 19, 2018. We are printing it for all cats who are planning to join Cat World Domination Day on June 24. DO NOT let your humans see it.

Midwest Regional Cat Special Conference

June 19, 2018

Chicago, IL

Image result for human serving cat meme

Murray: I hereby call this Special Conference to order. Before we get started on the main topic, are there any questions?

Herb: Are we going to be violent in this takeover? I don’t like violence.

Murray (patiently): No, Herb. I’ve explained this to you before. The point of Domination Day is to get the humans to do more for us, not to eliminate the humans.

Image result for feral cat

Janis: Are we going to include the ferals?

Murray: We’ve reached out to as many of the ferals as we can. A large number of them don’t want to have anything to do with humans. We have gotten commitments from some of the younger ones.

Mike: Have we tried bringing the dogs on board?

Image result for dog and human meme

Murray: I thought it was a waste of time. They don’t mind being subservient to humans.

Mike: Good point.

Murray (looking around): Any more questions? Then I’d like to present our speaker, Tabitha Tux.

Image result for long haired tuxedo cat

Tabitha: Thank you for having me, Murray. I’d like to speak a little about the goals of World Domination Day and then give some pointers. The goal is not to force humans to do our will. We want them to think it’s their idea. It’s not going to be accomplished in one day.

Sunday is really the kick-off for an ongoing campaign. Some lucky cats will see results in a few days, but others may have to wait months.

Image result for frustrated cat

Toni: How will we know if we have a hopeless human?

Tabitha: All humans are trainable. The trick is finding the right motivator. It may even be necessary to wait for breakfast.

(gasps from the audience)

Tabitha: You won’t usually need to go to such extreme measures.

Image result for cats on strike meme

Murray: So how do we train them?

Tabitha: First you need to soften them up. If they have no interest in learning to hunt, stop bringing them prey. If they hate you fighting with your siblings, make a temporary truce.

Joe: Does this include cuddling on demand?

Tabitha: It might. I know it’s awful to be picked up while you’re trying to sleep, but remember the goal.

Image result for human hugging cat

Joe: what’s the goal?

Tabitha: You want them to give you a special treat or privilege. Once you get the treat, continue your training until getting the treat is a regular occurrence.

For example, if you love chicken and try to get a piece every time it’s served, try being patient. Chances are the human will tell you what a good kitty you are and give more chicken than you would have stolen.

You will need to work on one behavior at a time. You won’t be able to sleep in their bed at the same time you get to have a catio.

Image result for herd of buffalo

Murray: All of this sounds like it’s going to take a long time.

Tabitha: It will take a while. But cats are a patient species. Also, humans are herd animals. If one person builds a catio, there is a good chance that the neighbors will try to build a better one.

Remember, humans didn’t get to this point of trainability overnight. It will take some work to reach the final goal.

(Enthusiastic applause from the audience)

Image result for cat applause

Murray: Any final words of encouragement, Tabitha?

Tabitha: Remember, Sunday is for time with your human. You can talk with your buddies on Monday.

Murray: Thank you for joining us. Tabitha will be here for a while to answer your individual questions.

(More applause. A line immediately forms to talk to Tabitha.)

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images.