21

Springtime in the Subdivision – Conclusion

Baby Giraffe & Golden Retriever Dog - Best Friends! - Eating ...

Where we are: The residents of Mountain Valley Estates are up in arms about their neighbor Fred’s efforts to keep the neighborhood in compliance with the Association’s rules. His insistence on an overly strict interpretation of the rules has irritated most of his neighbors. They have told Jim, the Association President, that either he gets rid of Fred or they will vote him out of office. You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The animals have agreed to give Jim two weeks to solve the problem. Toward the end of that time, several of the guys were talking.

People Are Loving The Adventures Of This Hedgehog And Its Bengal ...

Jean-Luc Hedgehog: I haven’t seen Fred of a while. Is he hiding?

Ben Bruin: We were pretty rough on him.

Steve Skunk: Yeah. He was just trying to do his job. And he is our friend.

Al Angora: Maybe. But I get angry when someone makes Fluffy cry.

Henry Goat: Don’t worry guys. He’s OK. He just went to see his brother for the two weeks.

Ben: Good. That will get his mind off what is happening here.

I now call the First Annual meeting of the Unbearably Cute Animals ...

On the promised day, Jim called a meeting to give an update. The animals waited in anticipation.

Jim: Thank you for being here today. Fred and I have come to the decision that he is going to retire.

The animals couldn’t believe what they were hearing. No one really thought that Fred would give up his job.

Amelia Alligator: Did you force him to retire? What’s Fred going to do with his time?

Al:Yeah. I was pretty upset. But I thought you’d be able to come up with some kind of compromise.

GeorgeWBush Library on Twitter: "#ArchivesCUTE First Dog Barney ...

Jim: No, I didn’t fire him. Fred, why don’t you come up here and explain why you are retiring.

Fred: While I was staying with my brother, I did some thinking. I’ve been able to tell that you’re not happy with me. I was going to suggest that we have some meetings to find common ground.

The animals were nodding approvingly, but still wondered how this led to retirement.

Fred: One day, my brother and I went to a diner for breakfast. The waitress and I talked for a long time. We went out that night and were together for the rest of my visit. I’d like to introduce you to the wonderful lady who is going to be my wife. Come on up here, Sweetie.

At first, the animals were stunned into silence. But as the beautiful German Shepard joined Fred, they burst into cheers.

German Shepherd Dog Breed Information and Pictures

Fred: This is Vicki, everyone. She made me the happiest dog in the world when she agreed to marry me.

Steve: But why are you retiring?

Fred: Vicki said that she would make sure I had plenty to do.

Everyone laughed.

Jean-Luc: That’s wonderful, Fred. Congratulations!

Ellen Elk: Congratulations, Fred. But who’s going to make sure the subdivision is going to keep looking good?

German Shepherd memes | Page 2 | German Shepherds Forum

Jim walked back and took the microphone.

Jim: Since I just found out, Fred has agreed to continue until the wedding. Vicki promised to keep him in line.

Everyone laughed again.

Amelia: But what happens after that?

Jim: I’m going to take applications, and the Board will vote on the candidates. We have a month until the wedding.

Accommodating goat gives a chicken a warm roost. | Goats, Farm animals

A few weeks later, Jim called another meeting.

Jim: There were only two applicants interested in the job. The board had an extremely hard time deciding who to choose. So, Emma Chicken and Fred Goat will share the responsibilities. They will write up what they see as violations and give the information to me. At our weekly meeting, the Board will decide whether a letter should be sent to the homeowner.

That decision sounded fair to the animals. Fred’s last month was uneventful. He and Vicki had a beautiful wedding with all of his friends attending.

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Adopt A German Shepherd

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

21

Springtime in the Subdivision – Part 2

Protesting Cats | Occupy Cuteness seantrank.com | sean.trank | Flickr

Where we are: Fred Fido and two friends have volunteered to police the subdivision for outside violations of the Association’s code. Some of the other residents think Fred is taking his responsibilities a little too seriously. Jim Giraffe, the Association President, has called for a meeting to discuss the rules. See Part 1 here.

Jim: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for attending this meeting. We have some important business to discuss.

Al Angora: We certainly do. I want you to put him on a leash.

Angry Dogs Compilation - YouTube

He points at Fred, who bares his teeth.

Al: Figurative speaking, of course.

Fred relaxes a little.

Jim: Al, those are pretty strong words. Are you sure that’s what you meant to say?

Why Do Cats Hiss? | Cuteness

Al: Yes, I’m sure. He got Fluffy crying, and she begged me to come home and cut the grass. It wasn’t even a quarter inch over the required height.

Fred: But you admit that it was too long.

Al arched his back and sat down.

Peppi Pomeranian: I agree with Al. Fred is going too far. I was watering my lawn on the correct day when Fred came by and said that my lawn was wet enough.

Funny Dogs Playing With Hose Compilation - YouTube

Fred: She was wasting water. It was running into the street.

Peppi: That’s because I forgot to turn off the water when you and your crew started yelling at me.

Fred: So you acknowledge that you were wasting water.

Peppi growled and sat down.

Warm weather prompts early alligator appearances in Myrtle Beach ...

Jim: OK. Fred and his friends may have been a little over-enthusiastic. But that’s no reason to be hostile. Remember, he is volunteering his time, and the neighborhood looks a lot better.

Sarah Squirrel: I don’t care. We got a citation for having a lawn ornament. The “ornament” was my mother-in-law sleeping in the sun for a couple of days in a row.

Amelia Alligator: He did the same thing to me about my kids. He said he didn’t know that alligators have to bask in the sun to stay alive.

Meme Maker - everyone-talking-about-cats-and-im-like-bears-are-cool

Ben Bruin: He gave me a noise citation in the middle of the day. My neighbors didn’t call to complain. They know it’s just my natural voice.

The animals started to talk over each other, getting angrier as time went by. It seemed as if Fred had upset everyone in the neighborhood.

Cute animal picture of the day: baby giraffe

Jim: All right, everyone. Let’s settle down so we can discuss this like civilized animals.

Fred: I’m sorry if I offended you. I was just trying to be helpful.

Peppi: You used to be a good dog, Fred. We were buddies.

Amelia: Yeah. You were the first one to welcome us to the neighborhood.

12 Baby Skunks That Are Just Too Stinkin' Cute! - I Can Has ...

Some of the other animals nodded and shared stories.

Steve Skunk: I agree. But you still have to go. You complained about the smell in the house that was getting outside through the open window. Seriously, Fred? We’re skunks.

Al: Sorry, Fred. I agree with Steve. I want you to find something else to do with your spare time.

Fred’s ears and tail were drooping.

Do Dogs Grieve Other Dogs? – American Kennel Club

Fred: I guess I need to quit. You’ll have to hire a professional to do the job.

Jim: Wait a minute, Fred. I like your attitude. Let me think of some way we can compromise on this.

The animals groaned and looked at each other.

Al: You better think of something fast, or we’ll get rid of you too.

Black tabby is angry. | Turkish angora cat, Turkish van cats ...

Next week: Will Jim’s plan work and bring peace to Mountain Valley Estates?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

22

Springtime in the Subdivision

Oregon Golf Course to Offer Trained Goat Caddies | SwingU Clubhouse

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and spring was in the air. Everything looked tranquil in Mountain Valley Estates. A golf cart carrying a dog, a goat, and a chicken was slowly driving around the subdivision.

A group of women were standing in the yard of one of the houses talking when they saw the cart.

In areas of rapid urban development, squirrels and alligators have ...

Sarah Squirrel: Look who’s coming. It’s the Yard Police.

Amelia Alligator: Sarah, we better get home.

Josephine Jaguar: You’re right. We all know what happens if you’re not at home when they stop by.

Amelia: They write your name in their little book and you get a letter from the Association about some imaginary violation.

Writing an Effective Dog Professional Bio – dogbiz

Sarah: It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually worked for the Association. But Fred Fido got bored and talked Henry Goat and Emma Chicken into doing this. The whole thing is ridiculous.

Amelia: I agree. And you can’t talk to them about anything. If they say it’s a problem, it’s a problem.

Sarah and Amelia went home, and Josephine went inside. On her way home, Sarah saw Fred talking to Fluffy Angora.

Turkish Angora Cats, The Cats That Love To Play.

Fred: I need to talk to you about a problem with your yard.

Fluffy: What’s the problem?

Fred: Henry measured your grass, and it’s almost an inch and a half high. You know the Association rules say that it shouldn’t be more than one and a quarter inches high, and the preferred height is one inch.

STALKER CAT IS WATCHING YOU | Stalker Meme on ME.ME

Fluffy: But the Association made an exception for us. Al works out of town as a mouser, and we have four young kittens.

Fred: OK. Then I’ll write it up as a warning. You need to tell Al to get home and mow it. I’m going to talk to Jim (the Association President) and tell him what’s going on.

Fluffy: All right.

Fred: Have a good day.

Fluffy: Thank you.

Family owned and operated! QUALITY Lawn maintenance + a whole lot ...

Fluffy closed the door. How dare that dog accuse them of not taking care of their yard. And that goat had been eating the grass, not measuring it.

Fred: Sometimes, I hate doing this job. It seems like no one appreciates us.

Emma: They just don’t understand how difficult it is to keep a place this big looking good.

Henry: Look! Over there! Water usage violation.

Should You Give Hedgehogs a Bath? - HedgehogNation

Fred went up to Jean-Luc Hedgehog who was holding container of water.

Fred: Jean-Luc, are you aware that you are in violation of the water usage code the Association has distributed?

Jean-Luc: What do you mean?

Fred: Your house’s address ends in an odd number. You can’t water your lawn until tomorrow.

Jean-Luc: I’m not watering my lawn.

Fred: Then why are you carrying water around?

Thoughts on Hedgehog vegetable car? - Hedgehog

Jean-Luc: It’s a watering can. I’m watering my vegetables.

Fred: They’re green, so they’re part of your lawn.

Jean-Luc: That’s ridiculous. They’re new plant. They’ll die if I don’t water them every day.

Fred: I’m sorry. It’s a violation. Here’s your ticket, and you’ll be hearing from the Association.

Jean-Luc took the ticket and stomped into the house. If he’d stayed outside, he was afraid he would have dumped the water on Fred.

Baby Elk- Cutie! Updated - WetCanvas

Fred walked back to the cart. They rode in silence for a while. Then they spotted a tent in Ellen Elk’s backyard.

Fred knocked at the door, but there was no answer. Emma wrote a note and taped it to the door:

Dear Neighbor – The tent in your backyard is a violation of Association rules. If you have guests, they are required to stay in your house, not a separate structure. Please remove the tent immediately. Your Friendly Neighborhood Guardians

When Ellen got home, she read the note. Ellen was furious. She called the Association, but no one answered.

Why Your Dog Loves Antlers | HealthyPets Blog

Note: The dog is holding on voluntarily

They knew she had a tent in her yard. She had to pay a $50 permit fee to put it there. No one was living in it. She was going to use it for her daughter’s birthday party.

The golf cart made a few more stops before they went home. They decided not to stop a Josephine’s house to cite her for violets in her yard. They were all afraid of her.

A few days after this round of visits, everyone received a letter. Jim Giraffe was inviting everyone to a meeting to discuss Association rules.

92 Best ANGRY ANIMALS images | Animals, Angry animals, Cats

Next week: Will the Association management side with Fred or the homeowners?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

 

31

Cat Forum: Taking Care of Your Human

Kick back and enjoy the weekend!!! - Vital Pet Health - Ask the ...

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. As you probably know, almost all humans have been forced to stay at home by some sort of invisible “bug”. Our human works at a place that sells kibble, so she’s still working. But we can imagine how traumatic it must be to have all your humans around all the time. They’re in your space, complaining about how they can’t go to out to play with their friends anymore. Or even worse, roaming around the house doing all sorts of stuff that upsets your routine. We have some ideas that might help you deal with the situation.

Writing and photography for great cat adoption profiles | Chew On This

Play Fetch

If your human is working at home, you’ll probably see pens and clips and other office supplies lying around that you can use. You want to sit close enough to reach the toy, but not close enough to be caught.

Take your paw and give the pen a strong swipe. You want it to skitter across the floor, preferably under something. You may need to do this a couple of times before your human realizes it’s a game.

singing memes - Album on Imgur

Sing for Their Friends

Your human may talk to other humans on those computer thingeys that they work with. A lot of the time you can see the other people. You can help them when they start to get bored. First try talking. It’s easiest to do if you are sitting in your person’s lap.

Your person may rudely put you on the floor despite the other people talking about how cute you are. Obviously, they want more of you. This is when you sing. While the others enjoy your musical talents, your human may accuse you of yowling and throw you out. No accounting for taste. They’re probably jealous.

IRTI - funny picture #2350 - tags: cat keep it down on the phone ...

Play Hide and Seek

Usually this game is most fun when you play it with their keys. But now that they won’t go anywhere, you probably want to use their phone. This game is best when they don’t realize you have touched the phone. (Ours loses hers a lot and never thinks it might be us.)

You can slide it under a chair (leave a little bit showing) or put it behind something. We have found that the very best place is to lay on it and pretend to sleep. They usually think we’re cute and don’t want to disturb us.

If they are being particularly annoying (spending too much time with it and not enough with you), we recommend you hide it under the refrigerator or some other hard-to-reach spot. They won’t be able to find it until it rings.

How to find a lost remote control « Appliances Online Blog

Watch TV Together

We’re not talking about the regular sitting in their lap and watching their shows. You should help them watch something different. Maybe a three-hour documentary on the history of kibble.

If they try to turn on the news or anything else that stresses them out, turn off the volume. If they don’t get the message, hide the remote. You want to protect their mental health during the crisis: they need to be able to feed you and cuddle upon demand.

How to Cuddle a Cat: The Ultimate Guide

We hope you will find these suggestions helpful.

We wish health and happiness for everyone during the crisis.

Cat Memes You'll Laugh at Every Time | Reader's Digest

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

 

21

Feral Purrfessional: Cats to the Rescue – Part 2

Top 10 Cat Emergencies | Animal Medical Center of the Village

Where we are: Katie Calico and several of her former classmates have been asked to help the humans in their fight to overcome an extremely contagious virus. The virus can be fatal to humans, but does not affect cats. The cats all agreed to help and are waiting for their assignments. You can read Part 1 here.

Katie learned that she would be assigned to Mercy General Hospital starting on Monday. When she arrived, she saw that her partner was Elise.

An Adorable Gallery of Hugging Cats

Katie: Elise! I’m so happy to see you!

Elise: I know! Just like old times.

Their reunion was interrupted by a female human voice.

Human: All right, you two. No time for chatting. I can’t believe they sent me cats to replace my girls. You better not spend all of your time sleeping. I know how cats are. My name is Matilda, and I’ll be your supervisor.

How much do cats sleep, and how many hours do they really need ...

Elise: My name is Elise and this is Katie.

Katie: Pleased to me you, Matilda.

Matilda: I’ll show you where you’ll be working. One mistake and you’re out of here. CATS! I can’t believe they sent me cats! What’s next? A hedgehog?

Katie and Elise looked at each other, wondering if all the people were going to be like her.

Doctor game - null | Hedgehog pet, Cute kawaii animals, Baby hedgehog

Matilda: I’ll let you two get settled. And remember: no sleeping.

Matilda stomped off and started talking to another woman.

Katie: Do you think she’s ever met a cat?

Elise: I doubt it. Otherwise, she’d know we can hear every word she’s saying, and she might be nicer.

Katie: Probably not. She definitely has her opinions.

For your overly opinionated relative - Album on Imgur

They laughed. After a few minutes, the other woman came over.

Woman: Hi ladies. I’m Julie, and I run this department.

Katie: Hi. I’m Katie and this is Elise.

Julie: I see you’ve met Matilda. Don’t let her get to you. She’s all noise.

Maverick Philosopher: Cats

The cats looked at each other doubtfully.

Julie: I am so happy you are here! It’s so kind of you to help us. If you have any questions, just ask. I want you to be comfortable.

Julie walked off.

Katie: Wow. I hope she’s around more than Matilda.

Elise: Definitely. But now we need to see what all this stuff is.

While the cats were studying the machines, they heard a tap at the window.

Dorchester woman creates popular meme site about feral cats | The ...

Woman: I’m Susan Meyers and… Oh my goodness! You’re cats! Horace, come here! The news was right. Cats are working at the hospital.

Horace: Please excuse my wife. She’s very excitable. We’re happy you’re here to help.

Susan: Oh, yes! And you’re just adorable!

Katie: Thank you ma’am. Are you the one who is ill or is it your husband?

Susan: It’s me. I have a fever and chills. I need to find out if I have “it”.

Katie: Well, you’ve come to the right place. I’ll open the door, and you can speak with Elise.

Lolcats - medical - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures ...

Elise took the woman to a cubicle where she checked Susan’s vital signs and asked her a few questions about her symptoms.

Elise: I’m afraid your symptoms do match those of the virus. You’ll need to wait for the doctor in the quarantine room.

Susan: What about Horace?

Elise: We’ll let him know what’s going on. He can stay where he is, and we’ll keep him updated.

Susan: Thank you so much. I really am happy you’re here.

The morning went by quickly. Most of the humans were pleasant and didn’t seem to be bothered working with the cats. Soon they heard Matilda’s voice.

Cats having their lunch - Picture of The Company of Cats ...

Matilda: Lunchtime, ladies. You get a half hour, and you can’t go at the same time. I’ll examine the patients while you’re gone.

Katie and Elise looked at each other.

Elise: I’ll go first.

The hour seemed like it would never end. Finally, they were back together.

Working cat Memes

Elise: That was horrible.

Katie: She was really slow. People were getting upset.

Elise: She wasn’t any nicer to the patients than she was to us.

Katie: I know. I wonder how she keeps her job.

Elise: The virus is probably afraid of her.

Cat Laughing Hysterically | Funny cat photos

They both laughed and went back to work, this time with Elise at the desk. The afternoon was as busy as the morning, so the time flew by. The cats went home, happy but exhausted.

Next week: Does Matilda adapt to working with cats?

Tired little kitty....in the library! Cats must love books ...

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Snoops and Kommando here. We want to offer condolences to our non-furry sister and her husband. Their cat Spaz crossed over the Rainbow Bridge earlier this week. You may remember Spaz from her and her siblings visit with us last fall or when we interviewed her and her furry siblings

23

Feral Purrfessionals: Cats to the Rescue

Image result for cats being doctors

We last saw Katie Calico and her friend Elise at the end of their first year at Mid-America Animal Tech. They were studying medicine to be able to help treat feral cats. You can read the story at Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5. In the last part, Katie received a scholarship to work with Maria Meowski at her clinic for feral cats. Also in that part, Katie’s mother and Elise’s dad (the dean at the school) married each other.

Katie and Elise have graduated from Animal Tech. Elise has continued to work at Maria’s clinic and loves it. She plans to stay there for the foreseeable future. Elise is working as a lab instructor at the school.

 One day, Katie got a call from her stepfather Edgar asking her to come to the school for a meeting. When Katie arrived, she saw that Elise was there, as well as several other graduates.

Image result for group of cats talking

Edgar: Thank you all for coming. I received a call from a human doctor asking for our help.

Maria: Why do they want our help?

Elise: They have some kind of sickness going around that’s really contagious.

Susie: What’s that got to do with us? Do they want to make us sick too?

Edgar: Nothing like that. Whatever this is, cats can’t get it. But human doctors and other medical personnel are at significant risk, particularly when people first some into an emergency room or clinic.

Image result for funny quarantine memes

Katie: Why is that?

Edgar: They don’t know whether the person has this sickness or not.

Katie: What type of sickness is it?

Edgar: It’s a virus that attacks their lungs and their breathing.

Maria: That sounds awful.

Edgar: The humans are very concerned. It’s not just the virus itself. If the medical people get it, they won’t be able to help the others.

Image result for cat playing nurse

Susie: What do they want us to do?

Edgar: A lot of the clinics have stopped seeing walk-in patients. Everyone has to call first.

Elise: But hospitals have to stay open.

Edgar: They want us to be the face of the hospital. There would be a cat at the front desk. Cats would also be doing triage for the emergency room.

Josie: Exactly what does that mean?

Edgar: You would be the ones who greet the people, take their temperature, and type out their symptoms. There would be two cats working as partners.

Image result for cat typing meme

Katie: When does this start and how long will it last?

Edgar: They’d like you as soon as possible. They don’t know how long they will need you.

Katie: What about our current jobs? I definitely want to keep working with Maria.

(The other cats nodded.)

Edgar: I’m sure you can get a leave for this situation. I can speak with anyone who has questions.

Josie: I’m not sure I want to do this. Humans have turned a hose on me and chased me away.

Image result for cat at desk meme

Edgar: No one will be forced to do it. It’s entirely up to you. Is anyone interested?

All of the cats raised their paws, even Josie. They knew it would be an excellent opportunity to learn new skills. Even if they were practicing on humans.

Edgar: Excellent! The humans will be very happy to hear it. I’ll email you your assignments as soon as I know.

The cats left, nervous but excited.

Next week: Will the cats and humans work together effectively?

Image result for cats being doctors

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

27

Cat Forum: What is a Calico?

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to another edition of Cat Forum.

Kommando: Hey, Snoops. Why does Mom call you her favorite cali?

Snoops: It’s short for calico. That’s what they call the beautiful coloring of my fur.

Kommando: That’s strange. I looked up cali (with a c) in the dictionary, and they said it was a city in Colombia

Snoops: Hmm. That’s odd.

Image result for cat destroying things meme

Kommando: Yeah. That’s what I thought. So I looked it up with a “k”.

Snoops: What did it say?

Kommando: The Hindu goddess of death and destruction. That seemed a bit extreme, since you’re usually pretty laid back.

Snoops: Thanks. Like I said, it’s just short for Calico.

Kommando: OK, that makes more sense.

Pauses. Then looks up again.

Kommando: Uh, Snoops? This says that calico is a cotton material imported from India or some other type of cotton material

Image result for white calico catcalico cloth

Snoops: That’s not right. Keep looking.

Kommando: OK, OK. Let’s see. How about a blotched or spotted animal? One that is predominantly white with red and black patches.

Snoops: Good grief. What are you reading?

Kommando: It’s called Merriam-Webster.

Snoops: Well. I don’t know who that it, but they’re crazy.

Kommando: That sounds pretty ugly. Are you sure Mom means it as a compliment?

Snoops: Yes. I’m sure. I think that Miriam lady hates cats.

Image result for white calico cat

Kommando: Maybe. There are some strange people out there.

Snoops: Anyway. We do have three colors. And usually they’re white, black and orange. Some are predominantly white and some are predominantly black.

Kommando: So humans just go in and order a calico in the colors they want?

Snoops. Of course not. We’re not a breed. It’s a coat pattern.

Kommando: Oh. So you’re just a regular cat.

Image result for maneki neko calico

Snoops: Hmmph. Some people think we’re lucky.

Kommando: Really?

Snoops: Yep. Here and in England, male calico cats are lucky because they’re so rare.

Kommando: OK. So that lets you out. You’re a girl.

Snoops: True. But in Japan, Maneki neko (a cat talisman) is almost always a calico, and they think she brings good fortune and wealth. Not only that, traditionally Japanese sailors brought calicos on voyages to chase away storms and angry ancestral spirits.

Kommando: That’s pretty cool.

Image result for calico cat maryland

Snoops: And we’re the official state cat of Maryland. That’s kinda weird though. They didn’t pick us because we’re awesome. They picked us because we look like their state bird, the oriole.

Kommando: It says that sometimes humans confuse you guys with tortoiseshells.

Snoops: That’s weird. Torties don’t have white in their coats. Humans just don’t pay attention.

Kommando: That’s true enough.  Well, I guess being three colored is better than being a goddess of destruction.

Image result for calico cat memes

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

20

Advice for Today’s Cat

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Welcome to House of Cats, the home of all things cat. Put your humans in another room and enjoy some time with us. Today we are welcoming Muffy Fluffington, the author of Own Your Human, Don’t Let Your Human Own You. Today Muffy is going to answer some of the most common questions she gets.

Image result for cat helping cook

My human says I never do anything, but when I try to help her, she puts me on the floor.

This is a common problem. Humans just don’t understand that they need help with their typing, cooking, and needlework. If they won’t let you do anything else, at least share some fur. Everything is better with fur.

Image result for dieting cat meme

My food tastes terrible since my human changed it. I think she’s trying to put me on a diet.

Humans do have a funny idea about what we should look like. I think it’s part of the whole body image issue they have with their own kind. They can’t control their own weight, so they want to control ours. In your case, I would force your human to taste some of the food they want you to eat. I can guarantee they won’t like it.

Image result for cat lying on furniture

My human rearranged the furniture. My favorite tree and pillow aren’t near the windows anymore.

This one is easily solved. Pull your blanket over to whatever they have put by the window and sleep there. When they move you, go back as soon as they leave. Before long, you’ll have your sunny window back.

Image result for cat hunting mice meme

I have been trying to teach my human to catch mice for three years. Should I give up?

As much as humans complain about mice in the house, most of them never learn how to catch the little guys. I would say that you should give them one more shot. Don’t go after the mice yourself. Once there are a few running around, your human may be more motivated to follow your example.

Image result for cat with baby

My humans just got one of those miniature humans. It never shuts up. How do I get some sleep?

Those baby humans are a problem. Before you know it, the kid will be running after you and trying to give you hugs with sticky hands. For right now, I recommend that you convince your humans to get you one of those snuggle sacks that you can crawl into. That should keep out a lot of the noise. Another option is to use whatever spot you have for when they turn on the cat-sucking cleaning machine.

Image result for cat bath meme

My human wants to bathe me. Just because she read that cats should be bathed once in a while.

What an awful idea! You have no option but to make bath time so miserable for her that she gives up. I recommend you start with hissing and growling. If that doesn’t work, move on to squirming. As a last resort, kick your way to freedom. And hide where she can’t reach you.

That’s all the time we have for this week’s House of Cats. Thank you all for tuning in. You can release your humans now.

Image result for cat watching tv meme

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

23

Snoops and Kommando: Famous British Kitties

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Hello. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Mom says she has something called a writer’s block. We really don’t know what she’s talking about since we haven’t seen any new blocks.

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At any rate, we looked through our files and thought that maybe you would like to hear about some famous kitties. There were quite a few to choose from, but somehow this list ended up being all British. (Mainly because some of the other kitties came to a sad end or were actually TV or Internet stars.) Or maybe the Brits keep better records of their cats.)

Some of these kitties lived a long time ago. Since we couldn’t get pictures of everyone, we decided that it would only be fair to not show anyone. (Besides, some of the pictures are licensed and we found out we can’t pay with mice.)

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Beerbohm – Beerbohm was the resident cat at the Globe Theatre in London (now the Gielgud Theatre). He loved to walk into dressing rooms and attack whatever props he could find. He also made himself at home on the stage, walking through many productions. As a sign of his popularity, he is the only cat to be given an obituary on the front page of the industry magazine The Stage.

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Crimean Tom – During the Crimean War, Sevastopol was under siege for a year. When the British and French troops finally liberated the city, the residents were starving. Tom had survived the war, looking well-fed and healthy. The soldiers followed Tom one day to a store room full of food. Tom had saved the food by eating the mice and rats that tried to eat it. The store of food kept the soldiers from starving. Tom returned to Britain with one of the soldiers.

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Faith – Faith had been adopted by the rector of St. Augustine church. During the London Blitz, she took her kitten, Panda, to the church basement. Every time Panda would go upstairs, Faith would bring him back to the basement. St. Augustine was near St. Paul’s Cathedral, which was destroyed (except the tower) by the Germans. The only creatures that survived the bombing were Faith and Panda. She was awarded a medal for courage by the Archbishop of Canterbury.

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Simon – Simon was a British kitty who lived on the HMs Amethyst during the Chinese Civil War. In 1949, the ship ran aground and was stuck for three months. Simon has been wounded by a shell blast, but continued to protect the human food by killing rats trying to eat it. He also kept morale up. He was awarded the PDSA Dickin medal for bravery. He is the only cat to have received this medal.

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Unsinkable Sam – When the German Battleship, Bismarck, was sunk by the British Navy, only 100+ men and one cat survived. The British HMS Cossack rescued the cat and named him Oscar. Unfortunately, the Cossack was torpedoed near Gibraltar. Oscar survived again and was renamed Unsinkable Sam. He was rescued by the HMS Ark Royal, which was torpedoed near Malta. After surviving three shipwrecks in six months, he was taken to Britain to live out his life on dry land in a seaman’s home.

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Wilberforce – Wilberforce was the Chief Mouser at No. 10 Downing St., the home of the British Prime Minister. No. 10 Downing St., is almost 300 years old, and has a number of resident rats and mice. The Chief Mouser is responsible for keeping the vermin under control. Wilberforce was considered to be a top-notch mouser. He has had the longest tenure to this point, serving every PM from Edward Heath to Margaret Thatcher.

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Wyatt’s Caterer – Sir Henry Wyatt was imprisoned by King Richard III. He made friends with a cat who brought him food (mainly birds, not rodents). Eventually Sir Henry was released by King Henry VII (who defeated Richard III in battle and took the throne). A memorial to Sir Henry credits the Caterer with his survival during his imprisonment.

These cats are pretty impressive. There are many other cats who have saved humans from fires, medical emergencies, and gas leaks in their homes. Cat are also emotional and therapy support animals. Our purrs are therapeutic. You can see why cats rule. (And we’re beautiful too.)

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Cat Forum: Valentine’s Day

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Snoops and Kommando here. Thank you for joining us for another edition of Cat Forum. As you may know, Friday is Valentine’s Day. Yep. Another day for humans to give presents to each other. As cats, we welcome presents any time. This year we’re giving the humans some ideas about special ways they can spend time with us.

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Kommando: I’m going to ask Mom to take us to a cat café.

Snoops: Why do you want that?

Kommando: I want to order a salmon steak.

Snoops: That’s not what a cat café is. They have people come in and look at cats, possibly to adopt them.

Kommando: That’s dumb. French cafes are for French people. Italian cafes are for Italian people. Why can’t cat cafes serve food to cats?

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Snoops: I don’t know. People are strange.

Kommando: That’s for sure. How about if she rents that “Cats” movie? It’s full of cats, right?

Snoops: Sort of. It’s a bunch of people dressed up like cats. And they sing.

Kommando: Do they really look like cats?

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Snoops: I don’t think so. They use human faces.

Kommando: That’s really creepy. What do you think we should do with Mom?

Snoops: I found this site called Elite Daily that has some ideas:

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Game Night – The human is supposed to spend the whole night playing with us. She’s even supposed to buy each of us a new toy.

Watch TV – We’re supposed to cuddle up with Mom and watch that big black screen in the corner of the living room. The people at Daily Elite recommend something called Planet Earth on Netflix. It seems like any show with a lot of animals in it might work.

Cat Treat Baking Party – The human is supposed to make fancy treats for us and then feed them to us. They recommend the human find recipes on YouTube under “Cat Treat Recipes.

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Build a Cat Fort – The human is supposed to get boxes from work or packages that come to the house. Then the night before Valentine’s Day, they secretly build a fort to surprise us with on Valentine’s Day.

Cook a Special Dinner for Two – The human makes a dinner that we like. Then we sit down at a special table and eat it.

Dance Around to Our Favorite Songs – She finds recordings of our favorite songs and then we dance together.

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Kommando: I don’t know. A couple of them sound a little weird.

Snoops: You’re right. I’m not sure any of them would work for us. I can’t see game night really working out. You hog all the toys.

Kommando: I can’t help it if I’m better at it.

Snoops: Whatever. Mom never has the TV on. I’m not sure she knows how to use it.

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Kommando: We could get our fur-less brother to set it up. Dad used to use it.

Snoops: If that’s what they want us to watch, forget it.

Kommando: I think our shows wouldn’t have so many people in them.

Snoops: I don’t see the point in the cat treat baking party or building a fort. They both sound pawsome, but I don’t see where we get to spend time with Mom.

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Kommando: I agree. The dinner for two sounds good. But I want to be with Mom, not at a special dinner.

Snoops: I’m not sure how it’s different from when Mom shares her dinner with us.

Kommando: True. I hate the idea of a dance party. I don’t want Mom dancing around with me in her arms. And I don’t have favorite songs; I don’t like music.

Snoops: So what should we do with Mom on Valentine’s Day?

Kommando: I like the idea of an extra-long nap with her on the bed warmer.

Snoops: Great idea!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images