17

A Very Gator Easter

Everglades on Twitter: "Well, lookie here what we spotted roaming around  the park today - A Florida Easter Bunny! Isn't he the cutest little thing?!  🐊🐰🥚🥕🌷🌻🌞 #evergladesholidaypark #easter #easterbunny #easterbasket  #airboattour #everglades #

Granny Gator has rented a spot on South Padre Island, Texas for Easter weekend and invited the whole family for a vacation. Stan, Adele, and the girls have been looking forward to it for weeks. As much as they love South Carolina, it’s a little chilly for doing much outside during the winter.

Suzy: I am so excited! Only two more weeks until Texas! This is going to be great!

Justine: I know! I just got my special lotion to make my skin absorb more of the sun. I’m going to be like a heat magnet.

Adele: What are you talking about Justine? All you do is lie in the sun and absorb it.

Justine: I know. Mom. But this is supposed to make my skin absorb it better. I figured it would help me wake up from this semi-torpor we’ve been in.

Adele: Where did you hear about that?

Despite their thick skins, alligators and crocodiles are surprisingly  touchy | Vanderbilt University

Justine: I saw it on GatorGram. A lot of the girls are using it. It’s supposed to make my skin softer and shinier too.

Suzy: You are so gullible. You really believe those ads?

Justine: I do. Here, let me show you.

Justine pulled out her phone and brought up an ad.

Justine: See. Just look at the before and after.

Suzy: That’s not an alligator. That’s a chameleon. And it’s shed its skin in the second picture.

Adele: Probably because the cream irritated its skin. You’re not using that.

Justine: Mom! That’s not fair.

Adele: Your skin is fine the way it is. You’re not using that cream. Some human probably developed it.

viral alligator photos | This alligator goes to work; netizens wonder if it  wears pants | Trending & Viral News

Stan was looking at his computer screen.

Stan: Why are earth are we travelling all the way to Texas? It’s warm in Florida.

Suzy: We always go to Florida. This way we get to see something new.

Stan: But why Texas?

Justine: You can blame Cousin Danny for that. You know he’s trying to be a bird doctor, right? There’s a huge Birding and Nature Center in the middle of the island. Humans come from all over to see the birds.

Ecoviews: Why do birds perch on alligators?

Suzy: Yeah. Danny figured that if it’s good enough for all those humans, it’s good enough for us.

Adele: Ugh. I hate humans. They have germs.

Stan: Don’t worry. If anyone bothers us, Uncle Charlie and John can scare them off.

Justine: Yep. The meanest gator in the family and the biggest. All Uncle Charlie needs to do is growl and show his teeth.

Stan’s phone rang:

Stan: Hello?__ Hi, Ma. How’s it going?__ Really?__ Are you sure no one else can take him? __I guess if he comes up here it’d work.__ Yeah.__ We can take him.__ Don’t worry about it.__ Love you too.

Stan set down his phone, looking irritated.

Southern Charm at Jefferson Hotel Richmond - Travel Addicts

Adele: How’s your mom?

Stan: She’s fine. But Vinny can’t make Easter. Apparently it’s still tourist season in Miami, and the resort won’t give him the time off.

Adele: That’s too bad. We’ll miss him.

Stan: The real problem is that he was going to bring his dad.

Justine: So Uncle Stu can’t go? That’s awful.

Suzy: Yeah. He’s the most fun relative we have.

Stan: Granny wants us to bring him.

Adele: That doesn’t make any sense. Almost everyone else lives in Florida. They’re all closer.

Gatorland | Experience Kissimmee

Stan: Yeah, but Uncle Stu drives them crazy. And ever since our trip to Michigan, I’m his favorite. If he can’t go with Vinny, he wants to come with us.

Adele: That’ll add two days to our trip.

Stan: He didn’t want to put us out, so he’s coming here by bus. Then we’ll all go to Texas.

Adele: Why can’t he take the bus to Texas?

Stan: He thinks this is more convenient.

Suzy: Cool! I love Uncle Stu.

Alligator In The Road? Just Kick It, One Woman Decides | Baton Rouge, LA  Patch

Uncle Stu was due to arrive the Sunday before Easter. When he hadn’t arrived by sundown, the gators got worried.

Adele: Where is he? I knew it wasn’t a good idea to let him ride the bus by himself.

Justine: He probably got on the wrong one and is almost to New Jersey by now.

Suzy: Or maybe he got confused and went directly to Texas after all.

Stan tried calling him, but got no answer. He sent a text to Vinny asking if he had heard from his father. Shortly before bedtime, his phone rang.

Can you take a cat on a train, bus or tram? | PetsRadar

Stan: Hello. __Hi Stu.__Where are you?__You’re supposed to be here.__No. We’re in SOUTH CAROLINA, not SOUTH MIAMI BEACH.__Yes, you’re right. That is a long way from your house.__I guess it was a misunderstanding.__Are you OK?__Are you sure?__Tuesday will be fine. See you then.

Stan laid down his phone and shook his head.

Stan: Stu won’t be here tonight. For some reason, he thought we lived in South Miami Beach. So he found our street address there. Luckily some very nice big cats live there. They’re putting him on a train north. He’s supposed to be here Tuesday morning.

Next week: Does Stu arrive in time to leave for Texas?

Florida pedestrian gator causes a stir in neighborhood

16

Gator Family Vacation: A Punk Croc Odessey

Why Are Alligators Showing Up on Beaches? | The Weather Channel

Stan and Adele were basking in the warm Michigan sun. For some reason, the family had decided to vacation Up North by Lake Michigan this year.

Suzy: Hey, Dad. Who planned this year’s vacation? It’s really pretty here.

Justine: It is pretty. But I got cold last night. You should have packed blankets, Mom.

Adele: It’s no worse than home in the winter.

Alligator On Sand - DesiComments.com

Stan: We’re only going to be here a few more days. I really like the sand. It doesn’t catch in my toes like the rocks by our creek.

Adele: I’m pretty sure your cousin Danny suggested it. He came up here when he was interviewing for a residency.

Suzy: I can’t believe he graduated from Animal Tech and is a real bird doctor.

Justine: I still think it’s goofy that he wants to treat birds. Where’s he going to work?

Stan: He got a really good offer from a clinic in the Everglades.

Everglades Holiday Park Airboat Tours & Rides | Alligators

Justine: Ooh! Gator nirvana! And he won’t have to worry about snow like up here. I can’t believe he even considered Michigan.

Adele: I guess they have a lot of birds in all these trees.

Just then, they heard a loud splash. Cousin Penelope had married her boyfriend Maxwell. They were trying to get their son Stephen into the water.

Penelope: C’mon, sweetie. Let’s go in the water.

Stephen: I don’t want to, Mama. You know I don’t like water.

Do Alligators Live in Saltwater or Freshwater? - AZ Animals

Maxwell: Don’t be ridiculous. You’re an alligator. We love water. It’s how we cool down.

Stephen: I’m not hot.

Maxwell: We’ll just get our feet wet.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Penelope: It’ll be fun.

Stephen: I don’t wanna.

Maxwell snuck up behind Stephen and pushed hard with his snout. Stephen landed in the water with a thud. The water only came partway up his legs, but Stephen was not happy. He started howling.

Young alligators basking under the sun. - Picture of Alligator Adventure,  North Myrtle Beach - Tripadvisor

Penelope: Stephen, just relax. It’s only water. You’ll have fun if you stop complaining. Look at your cousins. They’re having a great time.

Stephen: I don’t care. I don’t like water.

Finally, Penelope and Maxwell gave up. They all returned to the beach. Stephen was shivering.

Justine: How bizarre.

Suzy (giggling): You know what a princess Penelope has always been. The kid’s just like her.

Alligator Adventure - North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina - Top Brunch Spots

The gators laid on the warm sand and enjoyed the sun with their eyes closed. Stan was just about asleep.

Granny: Stan! Wake up! I have to talk to you.

Stan opened one eye.

Stan: What’s up?

Granny: It’s your Uncle Stu. He needs your help.

Stu was a beloved elder member of the family. He kept the others entertained with his stories. Part of the reason he had so many stories was his legendarily bad sense of direction. He spent many hours being in the wrong place and trying to get home.

dreamt that alligators and crocodiles became famous music artists and it  was very popular news, they also wore headphones for some reason : r/Dreams

He hadn’t joined the family vacation because he was spending the summer touring with his favorite punk croc band, Acrocalypse. He had been a fan for years, since it had evolved from its swamp rock roots, the band Creedence Crocodile Redemption.

Stu had been welcomed by the band and had been traveling with them on the tour bus. He did odd jobs along the way. It seemed to be working out well for everyone.

Stan: What happened? Did he miss the bus?

Granny: I don’t think so. He said he needs your help.

Gators – Gatorland

Stan: Doing what?

Granny: He didn’t say. But he want you to meet him in Detroit.

Stan loved Uncle Stu, but it was always an adventure when Stu needed help. Nothing was ever easy.

Stan: Why me? Everyone’s in Michigan. Can’t someone else go? What about my family?

You can take them with you. Please? Do it for me.

Stan sighed. He talked to Adele, and they made plans to leave for Detroit in the morning.

Next week: If he wasn’t lost, why did Stu need Stan?

Robert Irwin Shares Video Of Alligator Enjoying A Car Ride | ETCanada.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

17

Gator Family Reunion – Part 2

Hungry, hungry... alligator? Reptile 'crashes' Florida picnic, chows down  on burgers - New York Daily News

Where we are – Stan, Adele, Suzy, and Justine have arrived at Granny Gertie’s farm in the Florida Everglades for the family reunion. You can read part 1 of the story here.

Stan: Mom! You look great!

Gertie: Welcome, everyone! Come in and make yourselves at home. Adele, you’re beautiful as ever. And girls, you look just like your mother.

Adele: Thank you, Gertie. It’s good to see you.

Suzy: Hi, Granny! We missed you.

Gertie: I miss you too, Sweetie. Make yourselves at home.

Florida woman gets to keep her ATV-riding pet gator 'Rambo' | Blogs

Norm: Hey, bro! Welcome! Hop in the truck. We have to go get Stu. He took a wrong turn off of I-95 and is trapped at some roadside attraction. He said they want to put him in a cage and charge humans to look at him.

Gertie: Poor Stu! I told him to take the bus.

Stan: Let me say hello to John and Jacob before I go.

John: It’s been a long time! How’s it going?

Stan: Good! Did you guys get the wild boars here?

Jacob: Pretty much.

Stan: What do you mean?

Large Alligator Strolls Across Lakeland Trail

Jacob: We managed to arrive with 10 of the 12 we started with.

Stan: I thought you were only coming across the state.

Jacob: We were, but John got hungry.

Stan: John! You promised!

John: I said I wouldn’t eat them all. And I didn’t. Ten should be plenty. Mom has lots of other food.

Florida Woman Fights to Keep Her Pet Alligator Who Wears Clothes and  'Rides' ATVs - ABC News

Suzy: There’s Danny! Let’s go say hello!

Justine: Okay. But I don’t want to cuddle.

Suzy: Hey, Danny! How’s school?

Danny: Hi Suzy! Hi Justine! It’s going well. Bird studies are a lot harder than I thought they would be. So many of my patients are afraid of me. I don’t understand it.

Justine: Duh. You’re an alligator. We’re kinda known as apex predators.

Danny: I know. I have to be really careful about what I eat. And I have to brush my teeth before I can go to class.

Suzy: Think you’ll make it through?

Danny: I hope so. But I might have to switch to a general practice if things don’t improve.

Alligator Smashes Watermelon In A Single Bite. Watch Incredible Video

Adele: Hi, Danny. Girls, do you want to get something to eat? Granny has all kinds of food prepared. You’ll be excited to know that she did get some boa meat.

Suzy: Ooh! I can’t wait to try it!

Justine: Hmm. This isn’t as tasty as I thought it would be from the way everyone was talking about it.

Adele: You’re right. It kind of tastes like…I don’t know…maybe chicken.

Suzy: Well this is totally disappointing. I’m going to put it on GatorGram anyway. At least everyone will know I tried it.

Monster alligator rattles golfers on Georgia course

Penelope: Hi, everyone! I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Maxwell.

They all smiled at Maxwell.

Penelope: We met at the beach. He’s such a sweetheart. He cleared off a spot for me to sun in.

Adele: Hi Maxwell. What do you do for a living?

Maxwell: Oh, I don’t have time to work. I spend my time sunning on the golf course.

Justine: That sounds interesting. So you entertain the humans?

Maxwell: They entertain me really. It’s fun to watch them when I crawl out of the water. My family is pretty well-off so I don’t have to work.

Penelope: We’re planning a trip to the Florida Keys later this year.

Suzy (whispering to Justine): She hates to work and he doesn’t need to. They’re perfect.

Florida Soccer Adds Seven for 2021 - Florida Gators

Gertie: Okay! It’s time for games.

Suzy: Oh, I hate this part! Someone always takes the death-roll challenge too far and we have to do a resuscitation.

Justine: I’m going to watch the tug-of-war. It’s a lot less dangerous, and it’s fun to see who gets dragged all the way into the water.

Penelope: Why can’t we ever play something nice like Charades?

Adele: I’m going to rest in the shade. It is way too hot for this Carolina gator down here.

Later.

Louisiana's Cajun Bayou: Where Gators, Gumbo and Gallic History Prevail –  Traveling Boy

Stan: I’m glad we made it back before the food was all gone.

Stu: Thanks for rescuing me guys! I can’t believe I was almost part of a circus.

Norm: You weren’t going to be part of a circus. They wanted to put you in a petting zoo.

Stan:  That’s crazy. Who wants to pet a gator?

Stu: They thought I was an iguana.

Stan: Humans are weird.

Gertie: Time for family pictures! Everyone smile!

As the family lay in water relaxing, Gertie started telling stories about the boys when they were younger. Suzy and Justine closed their eyes and listened. It was their favorite part of the reunion.

What Is A Group Of Alligators Called? + Quiz & More!

Pictures courtesy Google Images.

8

The Animal Rights Coalition

Image result for wild rabbit standing

Chester Rabbit called the quarterly meeting of the Animal Rights Coalition (ARC) to order.

Chester: Welcome everyone. We need to finish one item from our last meeting before we can move on to today’s agenda. We have to finish our discussion about how to address the human use of animal names as insults. The first thing we need to do is reopen the topic.

The animals started to talk among themselves. This item was very important to all of them and they were eager to get back to work.

Image result for squirrel

Buddy Squirrel: I move to reopen the topic.

Ralph Badger: I second the motion.

Chester: All right. How many in favor?

Paws and hands went up around the room.

Chester: How many opposed?

Dead silence.

Image result for cute bear

Chester: The motion passed. Ballou, please turn on the recorder.

Ballou Bear, whose mother was a huge movie fan, flipped the switch. It was so much easier to get started now that they could record rather than manually write down the notes. The simians had insisted on the purchase. They were tired of always being the ones to write.

Chester: The best way to start is to identify exactly what we mean by insults. Remember the rules: no talking over others, no arguing with someone’s ideas, and no intimidation. One idea per animal. If you choose to present multiple ideas, wait until after the others have had their turn.

The animals quickly lined up to speak:

Image result for cats wrestling

“catty/catfight” – Why is it that when two women say nasty things to each other it’s being catty? We’re not mean. But even worse, if they end up actually hitting each other, it’s a catfight? Everyone knows that most of us don’t fight, and if we do, it’s most likely the males.

“eat like a pig/act like a pig” – Where did we get the reputation that we’re sloppy and eat too much? We’re actually clean animals; we use the mud to cool off. And we don’t eat that much compared to what we weight. We’re this big because of the way we’re made, not because we eat too much.

“dog-faced/dog” – Why are we the standard for ugly? We’re just like every other species. Some of us are good looking, some not so much. But to classify all of us as ugly is just mean.

Image result for birds eating seed

“eat like a bird” – They say it like it’s some kind of eating disorder. We eat like we do because we have beaks. We can’t pick up a lot of food at one time. We eat all through the day; we need energy for flying.

“ugly duckling” – This insult is just rude. Why would you call someone’s child ugly? We know it’s because the baby swan didn’t look like the baby ducks, but that doesn’t mean it was really ugly.

“batty/bats in the belfry” – What makes us the standard for crazy? We fly at night, but so do owls, and they’re supposed to be wise. As far as hanging out in a belfry, it’s a good place to sleep. It’s high, it’s isolated, and the humans can’t get at us.

Image result for leopards

“a leopard can’t change his spots” – Of course we can’t. That would be like asking them to change their skin. Why does that get connected to people who can’t change their bad habits? Our fur is not something that should be changed.

“big as a cow” – we agree with the pigs. Just because we’re made a certain way doesn’t entitle humans to use it to insult other humans. Maybe they should be more like us and just accept each other.

“badger someone” – We’re persistent and thorough. How did that get translated into a person who becomes offensive trying to make a point? It seems like they don’t even understand how any of us really are.

Image result for cute badger

The other animals all nodded in agreement.

Chester: I think that’s a good start. Now we need a few animals to draft our petition to the humans. Is anyone interested?

A bear, two gorillas, and a beaver all agreed to work on something.

Chester: Does anyone want to schedule an extra meeting for next month to decide what our next steps will be?

Douglas Gorilla: So moved.

Ballou: Second.

The motion passed.

Image result for gorillas writing

Next week: Do the animals think the petition is ready to go to the humans?

12

Snoops and Kommando: Literary Critics

Image result for cats with books

Snoops and Kommando here. Mom didn’t notice that there were five Saturdays in August, so she has an extra post to fill. And guess which very talented kitties came to the rescue? That’s right. So here we are. (We get to write more next week since it’s our regular week. Pretty exciting, eh?)

Anyway, we have decided that we would show you just how intelligent cats are. She and the young male human went to a place called Stratford, Ontario on Sunday to see a play called Henry the VIII.

Weird, huh? Seems like they should have seen the first seven Henrys before this one. Apparently, it’s like some of human TV. It really doesn’t matter where you start. It sounded pretty boring (also like most human TV). No cats (or even dogs) in the whole thing.

Image result for cats with books

But they did bring home one interesting item: Cat Poems, edited by Tynan Kogane. We had high hopes and began reading right away. Humans don’t write many books for cats. We were not impressed.

Image result for black persian cat

Mujer by William Carlos Williams

Oh, Black Persian cat!

was not your life

already cursed with offspring?

we took you for rest to that old

Yankee farm, –so lonely

and with so many field mice

in the long grass—

and you return to us

in this condition–!

Oh, black Persian cat.

So, what’s the deal with this? Cats shouldn’t have kittens? Black Persian cats shouldn’t have kittens? We know there are currently too many kittens. But if no one had kittens, we’d run out of cats.

And what condition is he talking about? Is she pregnant again? Covered with dirt and prickly things? A dead mouse for dinner? We don’t like this poem. Let’s move on.

Image result for cat looking at bird

She Sights a Bird by Emily Dickinson

She sights a bird – she chuckles—

She flattens—then she crawls—

She runs without the look of feet—

Her eyes increase to Balls—

 

Her jaws stir—twitching—hungry—

Her Teeth can hardly stand—

She leaps, but Robin leaped the first—

Ah, Pussy of the Sand.

 

The hopes so juice ripening—

You almost bathed your Tongue—

When Bliss disclosed a hundred toes—

And fled with every one—

This one starts out pretty good. We’ve all seen birds we want to catch. The cat gets all excited. Then loses the bird. Then something with lots of toes ran away. Who is Bliss? Why does she need one hundred toes? Not only did the poem disappoint us, it ended strange.

Image result for bored cat meme

We were going to tell you more poems, but most of them were really long. Or talked about dead cats or about old cats who were getting ready to die. Or were just too weird to even understand.

We decided that what the book needed was some poetry actually written by cats. We came up with a couple of ideas we think they should consider for the next version. They are much easier to understand.

Image result for cat chasing mouse

Mothers Ruin Everything

A mouse wandered out of a hole in the wall.

Two excited kitties raced quickly down the hall.

One came for the kill,

The other, the thrill.

Rats! They lost their prey, who heard his mother call.

Image result for cat looking at rain

Mothers Ruin Everything – Part 2

The cats saw birds out the window pane.

They tried to get out; it was in vain.

The door they used before

Was shut to the floor.

Mom closed it when it started to rain.

See? Short. To the point. Easy to understand. If they’re going to write a book for cats about poetry, they should write ones that cats can understand them. We’re smart; people just don’t get how to communicate with us.

55

Cat Forum: Interview with Da Tabbies O Trout Towne

Image result for cat with fish

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Today we’re talking to some of our newest friends in blog-land, Da Tabbies O Trout Towne. We met the Da Tabbies earlier this year. They are a lot of fun, and we recommend that you go over and read about some of their adventures.

They are a little isolated over in Trout Towne and have developed a dialect of cat that is different than any we knew before (although it is similar to some surfer-cat dialects and Cajun cats). They have a unique way of looking at things, and we like them a lot. Dude K Mayor provided the answers below.

Image result for tabbies

Who lives in Trout Towne? 

current lee it be tuna of moon, mackerull boomer junior butter feeld, & dai$y queen of the run on sentence manee moonz ago dude K, sauce of fishbone, butter lover boomer o cat, and the perkolator lived heer but they bee livin large & in charge in heaven now

Image result for cats at the lake

What makes Trout Towne special? 

noe one noez wear itz at…inn cloodin uz

(1)

You all seem to hate birds. Is there a reason? 

ewe betcha, we gotta lot oh reezonz, two manee ree lee, but one important one iz they iz all wayz steelin R fishin werms

Image result for cat politician meme

How do you get to be mayor? 

well, gram paw dude waz named mayor afturr an electshunz… that had onlee one voter; hiz self

(2)

What do you like to do? 

sleep, chillax, eat, watch nayborz, sass chippeez & BURDS, cauz trubull, aggravatez de food servizz gurl bee coz we can, sneek online N vizit pals,  ore shop with de food gurlz card….then ree peet

(3)

Do you all get along well? 

yez & noe; dai$y iz act shoo a lee a cuzin,  N livez with de food servizz gurlz mom sew we due knot see her like in reel life, mackerull & me; tuna…. haza…. “ewe on R my last nerve kinda life” ….but mackerullz onlee 1 and me tuna, eye am 12 and reddy ta ree tire

(4)

Do you have to love fish to live in Trout Towne? 

knot reel lee… but it doez help if ewe like nite time better than day time;  coz in day time we sleep

Image result for group of cats meme

Are humans allowed? 

if they bee bringin canned goodz, kibble, ore fishin wermz….sure 😉

Image result for group of cats meme

 Are you cuddlers or loners? 

this questshunz hard ta answer coz all oh uz iz both;  but knot at de same time; ore de same day; N sum timez knot even de same yeer

Image result for talking cat meme

 Is there anything else you’d like to tell us?

sure. stop bye anytime, we all wayz haz hammicks out, foodz on de grill, anda force feeld we can tern on pron toe, if we see burd…incoming.  manee thanx two ewe snoops and kommando for lettin uz chill with ewe both two day…thiz waz fun !!

Image result for cat at a barbecue
The real tabbies o Trout Towne are the pictures with numbers. All other pictures are courtesy of Google Images
11

Cat Forum: A Guide to Summer Cat TV

Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to this month’s Cat Forum. (Yes, we have been pushed back a week because of the stupid bison story. Maybe the editors will learn to count by June. We are the second week feature, not the third week feature. How are our fans supposed to find us?)

Image result for couch potato meme

Oh, well. On to this month’s topic. We’re going to talk about summer Cat TV. Unlike humans, we never have to worry about seeing the same program twice. Just another sign of cat intellectual superiority. We don’t have to turn our brains off to watch the same stuff day after day. (We know some humans are like that because our Dad used to do it – watch the same stuff, not turn his brain off.)

We live in a house without air conditioning, so we are lucky enough to have sound. Some of you air conditioned cats aren’t so lucky. (Although you don’t have to deal with sticky humans, a definite plus.)

Image result for hummingbird

First are the birds.We live in Michigan, so we have more birds this time of year than when it’s cold. Some of you who live in warmer climates might not see much of a difference. Our favorites are the hummingbirds. They’re small and fast, so they’re a lot of fun to watch.

Image result for finches birds

Our human brother has a really big lilac bush just outside his bedroom window. It’s full of birds most of the time.All kinds of birds: sparrows, finches, wrens, robins, blue birds, blue jays, …. He complains about the noise waking him up. We’ve tried to tell him that they’re calling us, but he doesn’t seem to get it.

Image result for squirrels running around

The squirrel and deer channels get a lot more active too. The squirrels like to chase each other around. It looks like fun, but they get pretty mean sometimes when they fight. We’re glad they’re only on TV.

Image result for chipmunk running

Every once in a while, there’s a show on the squirrel channel that we really like. The little guys look a lot like squirrels, but much smaller with stripes down their backs. Mom says they’re called chipmunks. They look like they’d be fun to chase. But we don’t know what we’d do with it if we caught one. Mom says we can’t bring it in the house.

Image result for woodchuck in a tree

The funniest show is Woodchuck Adventures. Woodchucks (aka groundhogs) look like huge rodents. (Bigger than us.) They like to lay in the sun. They probably don’t have to worry about sunburn, because they’re really furry.. As soon as they hear a noise, they race for the nearest shelter. It’s great watching something that bulky and slow running that fast. It’s even better when they climb trees. One went up a baby peach tree and was too big to sit on the branches.

We get the boring specialty channels too. We don’t have many snakes in Michigan. The ones we do have just lay in the sun. If we want to watch someone sleep, we can watch Mom.

Image result for moths

(silk moth – we don’t have those on our channel)

The night channel is pretty boring too. We like to watch the fireflies. Mom says their tails are poisonous, so we cant play with them. Moths are the best. They’re fun to play with, and crunchy and tasty if they get annoying.

Image result for angry skunk

The worst show on that channel is the skunks. We were really disappointed. They’re kind of cute; they reminded us a little of cats. But they seem to fight dirty (and loud). When something scares them, they make a huge stink (for real). It smells awful. You air conditioned cats should be grateful. We hear some dogs try to make friends with them. Big mistake. Tell your dog friends if they upset a skunk, they’ll smell even worse than usual.

We recommend you check your local channels. Chances are, there’s something good out there that you haven’t seen for a while.

All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

17

Cat Forum: Interview with the Cats from Down Under

(Orion)

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We have a pawsome interview for you today with the cats from Autistsix, It’s a great blog, except the cats don’t get nearly enough space. It’s about a family who live in Australia,which is apparently Down Under something. (The editors said to include it.) The lady who writes it says the whole family is a little unique because of something called Autism Spectrum Disorder. We don’t really know what she’s talking about; as far as we can tell, they aren’t any stranger than a lot of the other humans we know.

(Pixie)

Would you please introduce yourselves?

Orion – I am Orion Prince of Burmese Tigers, I am also a star.

Smokie – I’m Smokie, pleased to meet you.  I am a puppy cat.

Pixie – I am Pixie, I am confused, oh wait that’s not what I mean, I am a Princess.

Echo – Hello, a pleasure to meet you both.  My name is Echo and I am a cat.

(Smokie)

 It seems a little hectic around there sometimes. How do you keep your cat Zen?

Orion – I run round and round the house until I am sleepy then I find someone to cuddle me.

Smokie – I just live and let live until something becomes intolerable, then I bop it on the head and nap.

Pixie – On a leather band around my neck, whoops, that’s my tag.  I don’t know where I put my Zen.  Do you think Echo stole it?

Echo – I avoid the others.

(Echo)

Do you hang together or are you hissy sometimes?

Orion – I love everybody.  Echo seems grumpy sometimes when I helps her diet or wake up and Cherry Bopple gets grumpy sometimes but I don’t know why.  Rabbits knock you over if you play rough and rats can bite if you poke them, so don’t do that.

Smokie – Unfortunately in my role as ruler of the cats I occasionally have to discipline the others.  Pixie keeps being a girl cat, Echo is evil and the kitten can get a bit too big for his boots sometimes.  But really it is only Echo that I get really mad at.

Pixie – My stupid brother Smoke thinks he’s my boss.  But he is better than that evil Echo.  When I was younger she was mean to me so now I just smack her in case.

Echo – I live with the stupidest cats that ever lived and yet they expect me not to hit them.  I simply don’t understand.

(Cherise)

How many creatures do you live with (furry and not)? Do you get along with everyone?

Orion – We have humans, and dogs, and rabbits, and rats, and fishies and birds.  My bestest mate is Cushion the dog.

Echo – Charles you little ignoramus.

Orion – Where’s the amus?

       (Echo rolled her eyes.)

Echo – There are only 5 people in this house that I do not loathe; Mum, Dad, Cat and Tabby (both humans) and the dog Charles.  All the others are uncouth ruffians who don’t know how to treat a lady and don’t have a sense of humour.

Smokie – My best friend is Cherise AKA Cherry Bopple Berry we have hanged together since I first arrived.  Charlie is a great cushion.  Grandma’s dogs worship the ground I walk on which is great but they also love Orion which kinda takes the sheen off their adoration but they are great guys.  The rabbits are cool, the rats are great fun, I play with them and they feed and groom me,  I let them keep my shed fur to sleep in, I love those guys.  I like watching the birds and they sing to me, but they get a bit flappy if I try to touch them so I don’t.  I like to watch the fish but my best wet friend is the axylotyl, he and I touch through the glass.

Orion – Yeah I’m the same; I love all the other guys here although I play with the rabbits and watch the rats, the reverse of Smokie and the different best friend dog. Oh and the birds love me, I climb up on their cage and play with’em and then a hooman comes and takes me away but my birdie buds cry and squwark until I am allowed to go back, ‘cept at night, sleepin’ birds have no sense of humour, like sleepin’ Echo.

Pixie – Rabbits smell funny.  Rats feed me and groom me I love them.  Birds flap, fish are wet, and dogs are rough.  I do like the spaniel Snuggie though, he is soft and gently affectionate, I like him more than the other cats.

Orion – ‘Cept me!

Pixie – Except you, Sweetie.

Echo – Moron, the spaniel, WHOSE NAME IS CHARLES, is a dog.

Pixie – I don’t think so!

Smokie – No Sis, he’s a dog.  He’s just not a terrierist!

Pixie – Oh, I don’t hate dogs, I hate terrierists.

Do you have a favorite human?

Orion – Mumsy and then all of ‘em.

Smokie – Tabby slightly pips Dad.

Echo – Dad and Mum then human Cat.

Pixie – Mum, then Tabby and Cat.

Do you think you get enough cuddle time?

Orion – Hoomans are difficult; they want cuddle when I want run and they are doin’ stupid stuff when I want cuddle, but Mummy usually stops when I ask.

Smokie – No, I want cuddles much more.

Pixie – I want cuddles when I want them, and I almost always get them.  The secret is, scratch people until they cuddle you.

Echo – I never get enough cuddles.

Australia sounds kind of scary with big spiders and other things. Do you go outside?

Orion – Spiders are fun and yummy but they make Mummy scream and snatch me up.

Smokie – Spiders are dangerous so a nice man comes around and sprays around the house so we hardly ever see them.  He cuddled me and called me handsome last time.

Echo – The new house has no spiders, I miss them they were fun and tasty.

Pixie – Which ones are the spiders again.

Orion – I am not allowed out because Burmese are too clever to avoid danger or cars, plus I am so beautiful and friendly that I will get stolen.

Pixie – I have enough trouble finding my way around inside.

Smokie – We aren’t allowed outside there are cars and stuffs that eat cats.

Echo – We aren’t allowed outside because apparently the sun can kill us.  Another cat fell asleep in the sunshine outside and when Mum and Dad found her she needed them to put water down her throat and she almost dies.  And there are these things that look like rope ties but they bite and poison you call snakes.  They are so irresistibly wiggly that they have killed lots of outside cats.

Smokie – How do you know all this stuff?

Echo – One, I’m not stupid!

(Smokie bopped Echo.)

 Smokie – Really, yet you didn’t see that coming.

Echo –   Two, I’m older.

Pixie – Echo is really, really old.  I mean ancient, older than… you know old stuff.

Echo – Yes, thank you Princess Pointless!

Pixie – Smokie!

(Smokie bopped Echo again!)

 Echo – Finally, I actually listen!

Smokie – So you know because you are old!

Where’s your favorite place to nap/hang out?

Smokie – It is duty to sleep everywhere so that all recognize my dominion.

Pixie – I like bookcases in high traffic areas so I can get cuddles.  I sometimes get confused, but apparently I am not a book.

Orion – I mainly sleeps in doggie beds near Mummy or if she’s out Grandma, but I also love beds and my cat tree (top spot) next to Smokie, on Cushion the spaniel, and places that annoy Echo.

Echo – Couches in one of the two front rooms.

Do you have favorite snacks? Do the humans share their food?

Orion – Steak or prawn pieces from Mummy’s plate, Mummy is a great sharer, the others make me steal.

Pixie – Mummy plate fish.  There are quite a few Mummy plate foods I like.

Smokie – Chicken flavoured noodles.  Mum shares but if I want a lot of noodles I have to steal and run.

Echo – Fancy Feast Party Treats.  People food is for dogs, or morons.

Is there anything you’d like to add?

Echo – I am not volatile, I just have high standards.  Oh and I like scratching things at random as a joke, because I have a sense of humour.

Smokie – Peace out, guys.

Pixie – Add to what?

Orion – Make sure you spell me name right; O… ask Mummy!

13

Cat Forum: Interview with Andy and Dougy

 

4-25-16-andy-and-dougy-watch-men-putting-in-washer-dryer

This month we are interviewing Andy and Dougy from weggieboy’s blog. We don’t know what a weggieboy is, but we’re pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with cats. Which is a little weird since everything in the blog is about cats. Humans are really strange sometimes.

Tell us a little bit about your brother.

Andy: Dougy is my best buddy. In fact, the lady who had our mother was so impressed with how we played together as kittens that she offered him to our human, too! I was really happy about that because it meant our new home was going to be together! Our other brother and sister went to someone in South Dakota. They didn’t like each other. Dougy and I are lucky that way.

102716-andy-and-dougy

Dougy: Andy is too serious for his own good. I think his high blood pressure stems from that. He needs to lighten up and play more! Of course, we do that that string game we play. Andy usually starts the game, but we really, really, really like it! We both are smoke Persians, but he takes after our Birman father more, with a less broad (or big!) head than mine. We both are pretty, though, if you ask me!

 

What is your favorite thing about your human?

Andy: He tells me I’m a good boy even when I’m not, and he gives me kitty treats. He could be a bit better about when he serves us kitty food. Dougy complains to him about that but I just hang around because I’m more patient.

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Dougy: He lets me do anything I want. I know he doesn’t like me scratching on furniture, so I do it right in front of him sometimes! Hee! Hee! He lets me get away with it, and I’ve been doing it ever since I was a kitten. He even made a video of me as a kitten doing that, and I am very proud of that! He also gave me his ottoman because, well, I took it from him. Pretty neat, eh?!

(Dad would have killed us!)

 

We like cat TV (looking out the window for you non-felines). Do you watch? What’s your favorite program?

Andy: You know I do! I especially like the fir tree revue in the backyard. I watch it all the time because there are lots of squirrels and birds there just about any time of day! Sometimes Dougy and I fight over the best spots, but, really, there are many good watching spots on the computer desk.

andy-bird-watches-from-pc      dougy-loves-to-bird-watch-out-the-back-door

Dougy: Oh, I love, love, love cat TV!!! I can’t get enough of it. Andy gets upset with me when I watch it out the back window from the computer desk, but that’s the best spot to check out the squirrels and birds in this place. Sometimes we even see neighborhood cats. You know we are indoor cats, don’t you? Our human worries that I would follow my nose to Fargo if he let me outside because I like to explore! I guess I would. But he worries naughty people would hurt Andy and me because we are black cats or that we might get run over on the busy streets nearby. We have each other to play with, so we basically are happy (and warm and safe!) indoors.

(Wonder if they ever have trouble with reception this time of year?)

 

What do you like to do when your human isn’t home?

Andy: That would be telling, eh?! Actually, I sleep most of the time, maybe eat some crunchies, then drink some water. (I do a lot more than that, but I have my reputation for sobriety to protect!)

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Dougy: I’m a good boy so I sleep mostly. I guess I do some of the stuff Andy does, too, and we play our game or just run like wild horses all over the house! We like doing that together.

(See, everyone tells their human all they do is sleep. Don’t want the humans to be jealous of our private lives. Or ask too many questions.)

 

Do you ever get annoyed when your human wants to take your picture?

Andy: Not really, though I like to “hide” in dark places because he has a hard time getting good photos of me then! Hee! Hee!

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Dougy: Oh yes! I hate that bright light his camera makes, so I turn my head or blink my eyes. That new one he uses doesn’t make a bright light as often, so he likes it to take my picture. He says that way people on his blog get to see my beautiful eyes! (Couldn’t agree with him more!)

 

Does your human ever let you use any of his toys?

Andy: When he’s not watching, I sit in his chair or walk on his computer keyboard. I get away with roosting on top of his PC. I like that a lot! It’s warm and high!

andy-explores-my-computer       dougy-with-toy

Dougy: He IS my toy! Hee! Hee! I can get him up whenever I want in the morning and get him to do anything I want by talking in my most annoying “meow”! And my most annoying “meow” is pretty darn wretched, if I do meow myself!

(Look Kommando – Dougy knows your trick!)

 

Is there anything you’d like to add?

Andy: Yes. My full name is Andrew James Thomas. I’m named after the patron saint of Scotland, St. Andrew. I think my human chose that name because I’m usually very serious. Truth is, though, I do like to play, but it just takes me a bit longer to get in the mood than my goofy brother Dougy! He’s up for play any  and every time. I choose my time to have fun.

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Dougy: Yeah! Don’t put your feet or fat butt on my ottoman! I do not allow it! Ask Andy about that. Or my human! Oh, yes, my full name is Douglas James Thomas. It’s a family joke. My middle name is different than his, so I am not a junior! It is a good Scottish name, and my human comes from a long line of crazy Scots! He wanted to honor that part of his heritage by giving us both Scottish names.

(Wow! I don’t think we want to go there in person. Sounds a little testy. 🙂 )

Don’t forget to visit Andy and Dougy at their blog. They don’t get to talk as much, but they are extremely photogenic.

5

Cat Forum: The Toys of Summer

Moderator: Welcome back fellow mammals. Today we are once again joined by Super Snooper (SS) and Kommando Kitty (KK) to discuss a subject near to every cat’s heart: cat toys.

KK: Thank you for having us here today. I would just like to clarify today’s discussion will involve several matters related to summer, not just toys.

Moderator: But the focus will be on toys.

SS: Actually, that will be the first topic of several. We would also like to talk about vacations and grooming.

Moderator: My script says that we are going to talk about toys. So let’s get started. How are summer toys different from winter toys?

SS: They are a lot more active.

KK: And easier to catch. Those mice are fun, but they have too many places to hide. (Aside to SS: It would be easier if Mom cleaned more often. SS nods.)

Moderator: Could you be a little more specific?

KK: I think you know we live in an old farm house. It’s really cold in the winter and hot in the summer. Dad says that’s because we have old windows downstairs.

SS: He keeps saying he should fix them, but we really don’t want him to. You should see all the cool toys that fly and crawl in during the summer.

Moderator: You mean you have insects as toys in the summer? (grimaces)

KK: What’s wrong with that? You wouldn’t want them flying all over your house would you? Besides you’re the one who wanted to talk about toys.

Moderator: (knows he’s beaten) So what type of insects are we talking about?

SS: Well, the best are moths. They fly around enough so we get a lot of exercise chasing them.

KK: And they taste good. Nice and crunchy.

SS: Junebugs aren’t bad, but they’re a little slow.

KK: The humans seem to find them disgusting. If they see one, they get rid of it before we get to play much.

SS: Spiders aren’t any good. They’re not poisonous around here, but they spent a lot of time just sitting there.

KK: Flies are good. They’re really fast.

Moderator: So what do you do when you don’t have any bugs around?

KK: We sleep a lot.

SS: He means for entertainment.

KK: I sleep for entertainment.

SS: We watch a lot of Cat TV. The birds and squirrels are fun. And the little chipmunks run around a lot. We don’t go out, and mom won’t let them in the house, so we have to watch.

KK: There are big, humungous rodents out there too. We saw them on human TV at the beginning of February, but they’re on Cat TV every day. Mostly they wander around and eat. But they run really fast sometimes too.

SS: I don’t want to play with them. They have big teeth.

Moderator: Anything else?

SS: Well, since you asked. The humans are talking about leaving us alone for a week with someone coming to visit daily. What are we supposed to do without the humans to entertain us?

KK: I hear there are places where we can go for vacation too.

SS: Yeah, great. I was in a place like that before the humans adopted me. They’re full of big, smelly, noisy dogs.

KK: We could go with them.

SS: They could stay here.

Moderator: Well, enough of that. I think it’s time…..

SS: One more thing – I don’t want Mom to brush me all the time.

KK: But it feels good. And makes you shiny and smooth.

SS: I like my fur just the way it is, thank you very much.

Moderator: Before we close, I think you two have a big announcement to make.

SS: That’s right. Big changes are coming to the blog. We’ll still be around, but we’ll have more friends. More animals, fewer humans. Whispers: I don’t think the Moderator’s contract has been renewed.

KK: Mom’s even looking for a new theme. She’s says there doesn’t seem to be a lot to choose from for our type of blog. (Don’t worry. She’ll be around too.)

SS: So come back next time, and we’ll tell you all about it.

Snoops and Kommando Sleeping