8

Why We Don’t See the Easter Bunny – Part 2

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Previously – Gunnar, a current descendant of the original Easter Bunny (a real bunny), has decided to see what was happening with Easter now that the family has outsourced most of it to the humans. So far, he is not happy. He is going to see the Easter Bunny at the mall for an explanation.

Gunnar arrived at the mall. He had never seen such a thing. The mall was huge. And full of humans. Rather scary for a small rabbit. He hopped past all the signs for Easter sales. They were on almost every window: clothing stores, technology stores, mattress stores, perfume shops. Do people really give each other mattresses for Easter?

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He finally found a sign for the Easter Bunny. He saw a large group of people lined up before a throne. On the throne was a creature in some kind of costume with large ears and fake whiskers. There was a sign next to him that said “Easter Bunny”.

“Oh my carrots, is that what the humans think the Easter Bunny looks like?” wondered Gunnar. “That’s not even a rabbit.” He got as close to the line as he could without being seen. He wanted to hear what the humans thought of the fake rabbit.

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“Mommy, is that the real Easter Bunny?”

“Of course he is.”

“Is he going to bring me a basket with toys?”

“Yes, dear. On Easter morning.”                                                                           

Gunnar moved along the line.

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“Mama, he looks kind of scary. I didn’t think he’d be so big.”

“That’s OK. He’s actually very friendly.”

“Do I tell him what I want for Easter?”

“I don’t think that’s the way it works. We’re here to have your picture taken with him. Grandma wants to show it to her friends.”

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Gunnar thought about it. People were standing in line to take pictures of their children with a big, scary fake rabbit. Humans were very strange.

Then he heard a grumbling at the front of the line. Hopping up he saw a sign, “The Easter Bunny will be taking a short break. His assistants are available if you have any questions about the photo packages. No personal checks.”

Gunnar went behind the screen to see if he could talk to the “Easter Bunny.” He heard voices from a small room. Gunnar was speechless. The man in the costume had taken off the head. He was unshaven and didn’t even look clean.

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Gunnar wrinkled his nose. The man didn’t smell clean either. And he reeked of cigarettes. Gunnar listened.

“Whoever designed this thing should have to wear it for a while. It’s hot,” smelly and I can’t even see out of the eyes.”

Gunnar wanted to tell the man why the costume smelled, but continued to listen.

“I need to go outside for a cigarette.”

“You know the rules. No leaving this room without the head.”

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“I can’t smoke with the head on.”

“That’s OK. The Easter Bunny doesn’t smoke. Besides, it’s time to go back out.”

“Great. The next kid that tries to rip off my head is going on the floor.”

“Eddie, you can’t do that. No hurting the children.”

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“Fine. But the next one that pees on me is going back to Mom.”

“That’s why we got you the plastic sheet to go under the blanket on your lap.”

“The talent agency never told me what a miserable job this is.”

Gunnar left without talking to the man. How could someone who didn’t like children pretend to be the Easter Bunny? And who would believe that disgusting man was really the Easter Bunny?

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As he was leaving the area, Gunnar noticed a sign, “Brunch with the Easter Bunny.” It had a picture of the same rabbit imposter who was on the throne. “What a disgusting idea,” Gunnar thought.

Depressed, Gunnar returned to the forest. He poured himself a large glass of carrot juice and thought for a while. His relatives had made a huge mistake. The humans had changed the idea of the Easter Bunny almost beyond recognition.

“I wonder who I call to give the humans responsibility for the rest of the Easter goodies.”

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13

Cat Forum: Interview with Andy and Dougy

 

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This month we are interviewing Andy and Dougy from weggieboy’s blog. We don’t know what a weggieboy is, but we’re pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with cats. Which is a little weird since everything in the blog is about cats. Humans are really strange sometimes.

Tell us a little bit about your brother.

Andy: Dougy is my best buddy. In fact, the lady who had our mother was so impressed with how we played together as kittens that she offered him to our human, too! I was really happy about that because it meant our new home was going to be together! Our other brother and sister went to someone in South Dakota. They didn’t like each other. Dougy and I are lucky that way.

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Dougy: Andy is too serious for his own good. I think his high blood pressure stems from that. He needs to lighten up and play more! Of course, we do that that string game we play. Andy usually starts the game, but we really, really, really like it! We both are smoke Persians, but he takes after our Birman father more, with a less broad (or big!) head than mine. We both are pretty, though, if you ask me!

 

What is your favorite thing about your human?

Andy: He tells me I’m a good boy even when I’m not, and he gives me kitty treats. He could be a bit better about when he serves us kitty food. Dougy complains to him about that but I just hang around because I’m more patient.

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Dougy: He lets me do anything I want. I know he doesn’t like me scratching on furniture, so I do it right in front of him sometimes! Hee! Hee! He lets me get away with it, and I’ve been doing it ever since I was a kitten. He even made a video of me as a kitten doing that, and I am very proud of that! He also gave me his ottoman because, well, I took it from him. Pretty neat, eh?!

(Dad would have killed us!)

 

We like cat TV (looking out the window for you non-felines). Do you watch? What’s your favorite program?

Andy: You know I do! I especially like the fir tree revue in the backyard. I watch it all the time because there are lots of squirrels and birds there just about any time of day! Sometimes Dougy and I fight over the best spots, but, really, there are many good watching spots on the computer desk.

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Dougy: Oh, I love, love, love cat TV!!! I can’t get enough of it. Andy gets upset with me when I watch it out the back window from the computer desk, but that’s the best spot to check out the squirrels and birds in this place. Sometimes we even see neighborhood cats. You know we are indoor cats, don’t you? Our human worries that I would follow my nose to Fargo if he let me outside because I like to explore! I guess I would. But he worries naughty people would hurt Andy and me because we are black cats or that we might get run over on the busy streets nearby. We have each other to play with, so we basically are happy (and warm and safe!) indoors.

(Wonder if they ever have trouble with reception this time of year?)

 

What do you like to do when your human isn’t home?

Andy: That would be telling, eh?! Actually, I sleep most of the time, maybe eat some crunchies, then drink some water. (I do a lot more than that, but I have my reputation for sobriety to protect!)

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Dougy: I’m a good boy so I sleep mostly. I guess I do some of the stuff Andy does, too, and we play our game or just run like wild horses all over the house! We like doing that together.

(See, everyone tells their human all they do is sleep. Don’t want the humans to be jealous of our private lives. Or ask too many questions.)

 

Do you ever get annoyed when your human wants to take your picture?

Andy: Not really, though I like to “hide” in dark places because he has a hard time getting good photos of me then! Hee! Hee!

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Dougy: Oh yes! I hate that bright light his camera makes, so I turn my head or blink my eyes. That new one he uses doesn’t make a bright light as often, so he likes it to take my picture. He says that way people on his blog get to see my beautiful eyes! (Couldn’t agree with him more!)

 

Does your human ever let you use any of his toys?

Andy: When he’s not watching, I sit in his chair or walk on his computer keyboard. I get away with roosting on top of his PC. I like that a lot! It’s warm and high!

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Dougy: He IS my toy! Hee! Hee! I can get him up whenever I want in the morning and get him to do anything I want by talking in my most annoying “meow”! And my most annoying “meow” is pretty darn wretched, if I do meow myself!

(Look Kommando – Dougy knows your trick!)

 

Is there anything you’d like to add?

Andy: Yes. My full name is Andrew James Thomas. I’m named after the patron saint of Scotland, St. Andrew. I think my human chose that name because I’m usually very serious. Truth is, though, I do like to play, but it just takes me a bit longer to get in the mood than my goofy brother Dougy! He’s up for play any  and every time. I choose my time to have fun.

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Dougy: Yeah! Don’t put your feet or fat butt on my ottoman! I do not allow it! Ask Andy about that. Or my human! Oh, yes, my full name is Douglas James Thomas. It’s a family joke. My middle name is different than his, so I am not a junior! It is a good Scottish name, and my human comes from a long line of crazy Scots! He wanted to honor that part of his heritage by giving us both Scottish names.

(Wow! I don’t think we want to go there in person. Sounds a little testy. 🙂 )

Don’t forget to visit Andy and Dougy at their blog. They don’t get to talk as much, but they are extremely photogenic.

8

A Picture is Worth Ten (or so) Words

Hello Humans (and Others) –

Snoops and Kommando here. Mom has been having a lot of trouble with her hands because of the carpal tunnel. We can’t find it on a map, so don’t bother asking. We thought that we would help out. We know what short attention spans humans have, and we didn’t want you to forget about us. (We know we’re more popular than she is.)

Anyway, this typing thing is a lot of work with paws, so we wanted to have as few words as possible. We noticed that several of the cats on WordPress use pictures with words. Some of the cats call them memes. Probably don’t understand that it should be spelled me-me so that everyone knows it’s about cats.

We decided that we are as clever as those cats. (Some of them must be written by humans because they’re not really funny.) So we have written our own captions.

All of the pictures are from Cheezburger. Don’t bother going there looking for ground meat – the title is very misleading.

 

“I’m not letting him out until he tells me where he hid the catnip.”

 

“Maybe Fluffy has forgiven me by now and will let me back into the house.”

 

“I wish they’d get me takeout more often.”

 

“If she’d just let me go for a minute, I bet I could get all the dogs barking at once.”

 

“I said, no pictures!”

 

“Maybe it’s time to think about getting glasses.”

 

“You didn’t tell me it was cold and sticky!”

 

We hope you liked our pictures. If we do this again, we’re going to use the me-mes. All this thinking is too much work.

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6

Critter Capers: Kommando’s New Hobby

Hello humans and cats with computers. I hope it’s as nice there as it is here. We’ve had full Cat TV for the last couple of days. Drapes and windows open. Sun. Birds. Two channels: dining room and living room. Hopefully the upstairs channel will be available soon. It’s harder to watch the things in the window wells (I think the humans call them frogs), but we can see a lot farther. We can sleep in the sun on the inside porch too. Purrrr.

Before it got so nice, Blondie (B for short) taught me a new hobby. She has a really little box that shows pictures and she talks into it. But it also does this:

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Pretty cool, huh?

B says I don’t like to get my picture taken. That’s because you couldn’t even see me in the first few pictures she took. I guess it took her a couple of days to figure out that since most of me is white, I need a dark background. I could put a dumb blonde joke here but I’m kinda blonde too.

Anyway, now that she knows how to do it, I think I like it.

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I just wish they would clean the house. I don’t know who Mr. Beer is, but I don’t want his stuff in my pictures.

My Grandma used to take lots and lots of pictures. But you can’t see them on the computer. They’re on some kind of paper. Snoops says they’re delicious. They’re all of the same people and cats. Some of them look like Mom and Dad, but better looking. Grandma must not have known too many people.

B isn’t around when I do most of my really cute stuff like lie in Mom’s arms in bed. Maybe she should teach Dad about this. He has one of those little boxes too.

Now that I think about it, I don’t know what to do with all of these pictures. Do they just live in the computer forever? Do new ones come and eat the old ones?

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Guess I just have to lay here and think about it for a while.