25

Thunder Katt: Snacks from the Human Side

Lolcats - snack - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on  them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Snoops and Kommando here. Mom’s brain has decided to take a summer break. Fortunately for us, cousin Thunder was able to come to the rescue and give us this yummy post. Thanks, Thunder!

Greetings friends, both furry and non furry alike! Thunder Katt here, and today I’m doing a sort of follow up to my tummy facts blog. I’m here to outline some nutrition facts and tips on human foods favored by me and my sisters, Angel and Onyx. If you have a favorite human treat that isn’t listed, just know that means two things: you have a wonderful palate, and the calories don’t count, so eat as much as you want! (Ed. Note: Thunder is exaggerating. Please snack responsibly.)

Please also note that while all three of us love dairy, including cheese, ice cream and whipped cream, there aren’t many benefits to cats eating dairy products. Due to lack of helpful information, dairy products have been left off the list. We also left off meats and fish, since most cats enjoy these as we are obligate carnivores. 

Lettuce

As many of you may know by now, a preferred Thunder treat is lettuce! I like iceberg the best, but have also been known to chow down on butter lettuce, romaine lettuce, and leafy things that look like lettuce, such as kale. Lettuce can actually help hydrate and cool you down in the hot summer months. Lettuce also has vitamins A and C, which helps with our furs and vision, along with a small amount of iron and folate for overall health. Some lettuce also has potassium, which again helps with our vision. There is a small amount of calcium in lettuce, which can be converted into crude fats in cats. Just make sure you don’t get too much calcium (generally not a risk from eating lettuce), as it can cause deposits in your fatty stores that will eventually make you sick. 

Squash

All three of us have been known to eat butternut squash (it’s a favorite food for the human kitten, so we seem to have a lot of it). Before enjoying this food, be warned that it is orange and will stain furs that are lighter in hue (like my white chest and tummy) so proceed with caution if eating squash in puree form. Squash is generally relatively bland by itself, making it ideal for cats with more sensitive tummies. While you can sweeten up squash with brown sugar or butter, it tastes just as good plain. This superfood actually provides all of your key vitamins, including A, C, K, and magnesium. It also provides vitamin E, folate, and B vitamins. While all of these vitamins provide benefits to cats in small amounts, don’t overdo the squash; our bodies are not meant to process a lot of magnesium and vitamin B in one sitting. However, since you would need over a cup of squash to reach these levels in an eight-pound cat, I say there isn’t much need to worry, and feast away on some squash cubes or puree! 

Grapes

I discovered grapes for the first time about a week ago. They’re wonderful! Not only are they small enough to bat around, they’re cool, which helps with the summer heat. They come on a cool stem/vine that you can chew on (Mom won’t let me do this, but when she isn’t looking it’s fun)! You can pounce in the bag they arrive in for hunting practice. And, best of all for our health, in addition to carbs and protein, grapes also have an abundance of vitamins A, C, and K, as well as thiamine. They also provide a small amount of iron and calcium. I would definitely give grapes a try if you haven’t already. 

Cherries

Cherries are actually not really recommended for cats, since they are considered a stone fruit due to the pits. These puts not only prevent a choking hazard, but we cannot digest the pit if ingested. However, Angel keeps licking the meat of the fruit, which seems to be okay (she typically only gets one or two; we don’t want to risk making her sick). Assuming you avoid the pit and stem, cherries can benefit cats by offering the typical vitamins (A, C, and K), along with magnesium, calcium, and antioxidants. These sound like a great idea when your human brings home the office cold and wants to snuggle right up with you! 

Oatmeal

Another Angel recommended food is oatmeal, especially mixed with applesauce. Be very careful if trying this food, as oatmeal is hot and it’s very easy to burn our noses. While oatmeal by itself is bland, you can flavor it very easily (like with applesauce, vanilla, or another flavor of your choosing). The benefits of oatmeal include magnesium and thiamine. Just make sure to eat it before it dries to the dish, and be warned of its sticky nature, as it can get stuck in your furs and whiskers. 

Applesauce 

Our humans insist on buying the unsweetened stuff (yuck!) since the human kitten eats it as his nighttime snack, but Angel doesn’t seem to mind it. I think she likes the cool, thick consistency of it. Avoid the cinnamon applesauce, as cinnamon is not always agreeable with the digestive tracts of cats. If you choose this Angel recommended treat, know that you are also getting vitamins A, B, C, K, and magnesium, as well as calcium. Apples are fairly high in sugar, so it’s best to limit your intake on this (even if you do get the yucky- I’m sorry, unsweetened-) sauce.

Oat milk

This is definitely another Angel treat! I was so disappointed when I was told my human kitten couldn’t tolerate cow’s milk, so we had to start buying oat milk. We buy the vanilla flavored milk, so I guess Angel finds it tolerable. Like dairy based milk, you don’t want to gouge yourself on this, as there are proteins in there that cats have a hard time with, and a lot of calcium. However, if you do find yourself lapping up a little oat milk, know you’re getting vitamins A, K, and D, as well as iron, fiber and riboflavin. Again, be warned of the calcium content in this drink, and enjoy sparingly. 

Chips 

The one human food Onyx has ventured to try is a quinoa chip. I myself happen to enjoy corn and tortilla chips, and Angel and I both enjoy the flavored chips, such as pizza, spicy, and sour cream. Overall, chips are not healthy, and should be enjoyed on rare occasions as a treat. However, since you’re already indulging on chips, might I recommend you try nachos? These cheesy, meaty chips are absolutely wonderful! 

Popcorn

Angel started eating popcorn the day she came home from the shelter. This crunchy treat is best for us if it’s low in salt and oil. Some benefits of non salty, non oily popcorn include vitamins A, B, and E. Be careful to chew this thoroughly to avoid choking, and have your human remove all kernels prior to eating. 

Crackers

I discovered the joy of Club Crackers the other day. They’re a bit difficult to eat, as they’re so flat, but the salty, baked cracker taste was definitely worth the difficulty of dragging it away and eating. Again, be sure to chew these all the way through so you don’t choke. While enjoying your cracker, note that you are also getting vitamins B and C, though not much else; eat as a dessert or as an occasional snack. 

I do know some kitties, my cousin Snoops included, enjoy sweets. And I’m sure you each have a unique treat you enjoy for yourselves. Keep trying new things, and hopefully you find some new treats to enjoy. But also remember that if something your human offers you is yucky and below standards, it is more than acceptable to stick your nose up, flick your tail and stroll away. They’ll learn eventually. Keep munching and crunching away!

Furs and purrs,

Thunder Katt

28

Who Says Cats are Finicky Eaters?y

Can Cats Eat Watermelon? – Can Cats Eat watermelon without any problem? |  Pro Active Pet Products

You’ve all heard humans say that it’s so hard to find something that kitty likes to eat. Or that kitty used to eat (whatever) food all the time, but now she won’t touch it. Or kitty will only eat one variety of a certain brand.

My Cat Stopped Eating Raw - What Do I Do?

We would like to suggest that maybe kitty isn’t the problem. Maybe it’s the food. Would most humans like to eat the same food every day.? Do most humans like diet food? Do most humans appreciate it when someone else changes their diet?

How To Keep Your Cat From Begging During the Holidays – Meowingtons

Most humans know that cats are obligate carnivores , and we have to get some essential nutrients from meat. Commercial cat food is prepared to be the most balanced diet available for cats. But that doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t enjoy a healthy treat once in a while.

Can Cats Eat Carrots? - Catster

A lot of kitties like the occasional veggie snack. Particularly popular are spinach, pumpkin, peas, and green beans. Cats can also have asparagus and broccoli, but it must be steamed before it is served. We don’t have any teeth to grind the fibers in them. They do make excellent toys.

Can Cats Eat Peaches? - Catster

Do you have a yen for something a little different? Fruit is an excellent choice for a treat. Fruit-loving cats usually like apples, bananas, blueberries, cantaloupe, and peaches. Just because we can’t taste sweet flavors doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy fruit. Maybe it’s the weird skin.

sad cat can't eat bread :( : sadcats

A few other foods that some of our furry relatives like are eggs, oatmeal, cheese, and bread. Remind Uncle Leo that his human should only serve him cooked eggs. Scrambled and hard-boiled are good options.

Can Cats Eat Cheese? Is Cheese Safe For Cats? - CatTime | Cat cookies, Cat  post, Cats

A lot of us are sensitive to dairy products, so cheese is not always recommended. However, for the rest of us it can be an extremely yummy treat.

Cat begging for food - YouTube

If some of these snacks sound good, tell your human. Humans can be extremely difficult to communicate with sometimes. If they don’t get the message the first time, keep trying.

10 Human Foods That Can Harm Your Cat

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

4

Cat Forum: Party Treats

Kommando: Did we tell them that our human sister is getting married in October?

Snoops: I think so.

Kommando: Did we tell them that we’re going to help?

Snoops: I don’t remember.

Kommando: Let’s tell them what we’re gonna do.

Image result for cats and presents meme

Snoops: What are we going to do? You mean the present?

Kommando: Of course not. She might read this and it would ruin the surprise.

Snoops: It’s a good thing she doesn’t live here. It’s hard to keep that sort of thing secret.

Image result for cats and showers

Kommando: No. We’re going to help with the food at her party before the wedding.

Snoops: You mean that thing they call a shower, even though there’s no water?

Kommando: Yeah. Humans are weird, but I wasn’t going to help if there was real water.

Snoops: Did you find any good recipes?

Kommando: I thought so. There were all kinds of things called mousses. I thought it was a typo for mouses. It’s not. People make mousses out of all kinds of stuff. Most of it’s pretty disgusting.

Image result for cats and food meme

Snoops: That’s like when we found out that tomato goat cheese spread was tomato goat-cheese spread, not tomato goat cheese-spread. I was pretty disappointed. I thought all I was going to have to do was pick the tomatoes off the goat.

Kommando: There is not a single recipe out there with mouse as the main ingredient. And very little tuna. There is some salmon.

Snoops: Well, maybe we could try the tuna ones.

Kommando: I don’t think so. They mix it with stuff like mustard and lemon juice. One of them even said to use chickpeas.

Snoops: I don’t know what a chickpea is, but it must be some kind of vegetable. Peas are those little rounds things we can chase around.

Image result for cats and cheese

Kommando: That’s the other thing. Humans put vegetables into almost all of their party foods.

Snoops: I guess that’s to make them feel better about the cake.

Kommando: They even ruin cheese with nuts and beer and wine and stuff.

Snoops: EWWWW. Maybe this is going to be harder than we thought.

Image result for mouse pizza

Kommando: I had an idea. You know how much humans like pizza?

Snoops: Yeah. But they don’t sell mouse pizza.

Kommando: I know that. But we get cheese pizza and put the mice on ourselves.

Snoops: That might work. And cold catnip tea. It will be purr-fect.

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except us of course – tell Mom we want some pictures that don’t make us look like we sleep all the time, but not when we’re eating or bathing or using the litter box – maybe while we’re on bird patrol or mouse patrol)

12

I Want to Meet the Person Who…

Came up with the Starbuck’s drink that uses chocolate, caramel, whipped cream, and milk. Oh yeah, and coffee. I read somewhere that the large size has around 1200 calories. Do people really want to use up two-thirds of their recommended daily calorie allotment before they even look at food? I guess you could ask for low fat milk.

Decided that Christmas should start the day after Halloween. Do stores really want to advertise that the chocolate Santas will be two months old before they make it into someone’s stocking?

Designed women’s suede boots to be worn outside. How chic is it to arrive at a party and have to immediately excuse yourself to clean your boots before the salt permanently stains them? Or walk around with stained boots?

Thought up carrying a small dog as an accessory. I’m not convinced the dog really enjoys the crowds and the noise. And I have never seen one allowed to pick out his own food or toys. Not even a Halloween costume.

Decided that women weren’t injuring their feet and calves enough in 3” heels and introduced 4” and 5” shoes. And then thought up the ad campaigns to get young women to wear them.

Introduced the idea of “No Poo.” (Which, thankfully, has fallen out of favor.) And convinced a lot of women that not washing their hair for six weeks would be good for it. Hair is dead. Not shampooing every day to allow the natural oils to do their work? Good. Looking like a refugee from a ‘60s commune? Not so good.

Has convinced some people that a giant inflatable Santa looks good next to a Nativity scene on their front lawn. Two different concepts of Christmas. At least separate them by a sidewalk. Santa blowing over onto Jesus is not festive.

Decided not to commercialize Thanksgiving. You’ve missed untold opportunities for people to hang turkey ornaments on their outside trees, buy chocolate turkeys, and exchange tacky cards. Would you please talk to whoever is in charge of Christmas and Easter?

Sold people on the idea that they need a separate set of dishes for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter. Not serving dishes or candy dishes. Full soup-to-nuts sets. (Does anyone know that phrase anymore?) I know there are people with enough room to store all that stuff. Do they really shop at Walmart?

Designed some parking lots so all the handicapped spots are down one lane rather than across two or three lanes in front of the store. Are you hoping to catch scammers that way? Or do you hate your mother and decided it would be a better outlet than becoming a serial killer? (Too many episodes of Criminal Minds?)

Decided to put “ethnic” vegetables in stores in “non-ethnic” neighborhoods without educating us. I wouldn’t mind trying the yellow, oblong, spiky thing or the green thing that looks like a mace with the long handle and round ball at the end. But there are no pictures (or there are 12 pictures, none of which look like what I have in my hand) and no description of its taste or use. Google is not helpful when you type in “yellow spiky vegetable.” And I don’t want to buy something that is going to make my chicken taste like dirty socks because it’s supposed to be eaten raw.

Designed my car radio with six buttons, but forces me to have two FM, one AM, and three Sirius stations. I don’t have Sirius; I don’t drive enough to justify the cost. With my husband, my son, and me driving the car, it’s easier for me to just listen to whatever is on. I never know whether I’m going to get Tom Petty or The Congos when I turn the key. At least I know I won’t get opera or bluegrass.

Designed the website for our Secretary of State. It wouldn’t let me use the location finder because I wouldn’t let its tracker know where I was. But when I backed up the screen, it gave me the closest office.

7

The Secret Life of Vegetables

The other day I was thinking about a book I read when I was in my early teens. It was about four kids living with their father (I think he was widowed).

When the kids got bored inside, they would play various games. One game was a variation on Twenty Questions that only involved identifying people. One of the characteristics was which vegetable the person most resembled.

I thought it would be interesting to turn the idea around and give the vegetables human characteristics. So let’s join the Tomato sisters, Roma and Cherry, at a cocktail party.

Cherry is indignant. “I can’t believe I had to beg for an invitation to this party. They said it was vegetable only, and we’re fruits. I mean seriously, who knows we’re fruit except humans who remember their first biology class and these snobby Corn people. And they are so crass.

Look at Mrs. Corn. She thinks she’s being sophisticated with her husk peeled down like that. It looks like she wants to show as much kernel as she can without giving away the whole ear. And her husband is in the soaking pool with all those young corn plants.”

Roma giggles. “Look over there at the Cabbages. I don’t understand why Red ever married into the Green family. They are so boring. And she lets him go alone into Cole Slaws with the Carrots. Cherry adds, “Of course she does. He’s so dull she doesn’t have to worry about any of the Carrots being interested in him.”

Roma smirks. “I bet she doesn’t know he still goes to the Kraut Crock with the Spices. I hear he even gets a little pickled sometimes. I can’t believe she doesn’t smell it on him. Cherry says, “Well, it’s not like she has anywhere to go. Her family disowned her when she married into the Green side of the family. They’d turn her into real slaw if she went near them.”

The girls look around. A couple of the Broccolis come up. “Hi girls,” says Ben, the taller of the two. “How’d you like to get out of this place and have some real fun?” The sisters look at each other, and Cherry asks, “What do you have in mind?” Ben replies, “Well, we thought you might want to watch us work out. You know how healthy we are. Then maybe we could go back to our place and we could show you our muscles.”

The girls giggle and refuse. “Can you believe how full of himself he is? He was such a nice guy before they started writing about his family in those health magazines. I hear the whole bunch of them have turned into snobs.”

Roma says, ”It’s so crowded in this room. Let’s see what else is going on.” She opens a door and gasps as she quickly closes it.
“What? What’d you see?” asks Cherry, alarmed. Roma pulls her down the hall and whispers, “You wouldn’t believe what they’re doing in there!”

“What?” Cherry is getting frustrated.

“The green Peppers are having the red and yellow Pepper girls rub dressing all over their bodies and then licking it off of them. You’d think the Corns wouldn’t allow that type of behavior in their house.”

Cherry suggests they go outside for some fresh air. In the yard, they find the Onions talking to the Leeks. The Leeks seem to be upset about something.

“We know that you just took in those young Green Onions because they didn’t have anywhere to go, but they’re taking over the neighborhood. You can see how quickly they set down roots and spread. Could you talk to them about moving toward suburbs rather than taking more room from us?”

Mrs. Onion sighs. “We have tried to talk to them. They were so sweet when they we younger, but now that they’re older and stronger we can barely get near them. We may end up moving near our children up on the north side.”

They continue to talk as the sisters notice a group of Lettuce watching them and whispering. Cherry looks nervous and says to Roma, “Do they look familiar to you?”

Roma answers, “How would I know? All the Lettuces look the same to me.” As she finishes speaking, the Head Lettuce says, “That’s them. I know it is. They snuck into the party at the Mushrooms, pretending to be veggies. Then they went to all their fruit friends and told stories about us.”

The Lettuce spread out and start moving toward the Tomatoes. The girls see them and run for the gate. The Lettuce is right behind when the gate opens. A Pineapple is standing in the opening, holding a hot vinaigrette.

The lettuce backs off, not wanting to wilt.

The girls run out the gate. The Pineapple glares at them. “Your mother sent me out for you. You’re lucky I got there when I did. You’ll be spending some time in the bed thinking about your behavior when we get back.”

4

PSA: Green Food and Drink

No jokes today (well, maybe a couple – it’s congenital). Just thought some of you might be in the same boat as I’ve been in the past. It’s the last minute, you need a dish for the work pot-luck or party tomorrow night. Or you’re the one having the party and are looking to impress with a new drink. As you have learned in the past, I am a master of the strange party food. So here we go.

From http://www.examiner.com, 35 lucky green cocktails/mixed drinks (you are on your own to find the actual recipe):

Irish Julep – This very light green cocktail calls for Amaro, Irish whiskey, simple syrup, mint leaves and sprigs and crushed ice.

Irish Lady – If you prefer a little champagne with your St. Patrick’s Day, check out this recipe that calls for Midori melon liqueur, orange juice and champagne.

Irish Eyes – This cocktail calls for Irish whiskey, whipped cream and Crème de Menthe. Add a mint leaf and cherry for garnish.

Irish Pride – This citrusy cocktail has green Crème de Menthe, Amaretto and lemon juice.

Everybody’s Irish – You’ll need Irish whiskey, green Crème de Menthe and green Chartreuse.

Lunar Leprechaun – If you drink too many of these, chances are pretty good you’ll be seeing lots of leprechauns. This drink, by Cheri Loughlin, calls for tequila, melon liqueur, Triple Sec, lime juice and a lime wheel for garnish.

Shamrock Shaker – This ice cold drink includes Kahlua Coffee Liqueur, Amaretto, ice cold milk and green cake sprinkles or green edible powder.

Shamrock Shooter – This drink includes Midori melon liqueur, Irish whiskey and Bailey’s.

Bagpipers Melody – This refreshing drink calls for 2 ingredients – whiskey and green Crème de Menthe.

Lucky Tart – You just may get lucky with this drink that calls for Sour Apple Pucker, tequila, melon liqueur and fresh lime juice.

Midori Cosmopolitan – Get your Carrie Bradshaw on!

Apple Martini – This super-simple Taste of Home recipe calls for vodka, sour apple liqueur and lemon juice. Voila!

Apple Fools Martini – There is nothin’ foolish about this cocktail! You’ll need fresh basil leaves, Blanco tequila, simple syrup, Green Chartreuse, red grapefruit juice and lime juice.

Emerald Martini – The color of this Martini is just plain lovely.

Emerald Isle – You’ll need Crème de Menthe, gin and bitters for this drink.

Jade Isle – This pretty drink calls for Midori melon liqueur, Blue Curacao, cranberry vodka, 7-Up, sweet and sour mix and a cherry.

Midori Mimosa – You’ll need Midori melon liqueur, sweet and sour mix and champagne for this top-rated cocktail.

Midori Mojoito – Besides Midori, this refreshing drink calls for white rum, club soda, lime and a few mint leaves.

Skinny Mojito – This cocktail includes Agave nectar, club soda, African rum, mint leaves and a lime wheel.

Fresh Lime Margarita – This popular drink calls for gold tequila, triple sec, fresh lime juice, sugar, kosher salt and lime wedges.

Margarita Jello-Shots – This fun recipe calls for Lime Jell-O, tequila, triple sec and lime juice.

Cactus Jack – This drink calls for agave tequila, blue curacao, orange, pineapple and lemon juices.

Green Eyed Tiger – You’ll need Midori, silver tequila, ginger knob, orange and lime juice.

Green Apple Champagne Cocktail – Besides champagne, this cocktail recipe calls for apple pucker, apple vodka and pineapple juice.

Midori Sour – This popular drink rates nearly a perfect 10.

Love Junk – Need a little love junk this St. Patrick’s Day? This drink calls for 3 ingredients – Midori, peach schnapps and apple juice.

Melon Chiquita Punch – If you are looking for a bit of tropical delight this St. Patrick’s Day, look no further. This punch recipe includes Banana liqueur, pineapple juice, coconut milk and Midori.

Green Daiquiri Punch – This emerald green drink calls for frozen limeade, Gatorade, light rum, and lemon-lime soda.

Green Flash Cocktail – This green beverage calls for Peach schnapps, vodka, Blue Curacao, orange juice, sprite and ice.

Green Lizard Shot – You’ll need Green Chartreuse and rum. Don’t forget the shot glass.

Kiwi Cocktail – This drink looks fabulous! You’ll need kiwi liqueur, vanilla vodka, ice cubes and a ripe kiwi.

Sage Lady – If you are looking for the perfect emerald green beverage, this one isn’t it. This cocktail calls for sage leaves, VeeV Acai Spirit, Green Chartreuse, lemon juice and simple syrup.

Warming Zen – This yellowish-greenish cocktail calls for Zen Green Tea Liqueur, simple syrup, steamed milk, Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey, matcha and cocoa powder.

Pickle Back – Yep. A shot of bourbon or Irish whiskey followed by a shot of pickle brine – that’ll cure what “ales” you!

Frozen Grasshopper – If you are looking for a great way to end your evening, try this delicious recipe on for size. You’ll need vanilla ice cream, green Creme de Menthe, white Creme de Cacao, ice and and fresh mint leaves.

There is also Dr. Oz’s Green Drink, which is supposed to make you feel hale and hearty. Personally I’d save it for another day (or never): Apples – 2 medium , celery – 3 stalk, large, cucumber – 1 cucumber, ginger root – 1/2 thumb; lemon (with rind) – 1/2 fruit, lime (with rind) – 1 fruit, parsley – 1 bunch, and spinach – 2 cup. Throw everything into a juicer/blender. Hold down the button until it’s as close to liquid as it gets, and enjoy. It’s been endorsed by Oprah, if that makes it sound better to you.

For something to slow the alcohol, here are some foods from http://www.listplanit.com. On the health scale, they fall between Dr. Oz and the drinks:

Green Veggies – peppers, celery, cucumber (with the skin on), asparagus, avocado, broccoli, green beans, spinach, lettuce, peas, sugar snap peas, zucchini (ick)

Green Fruit – Granny Smith apples,kiwi, Honeydew melon, green grapes

Other Green Foods – pea or broccoli soup, pesto (I would recommend putting it in something, it’s a little oily straight, spinach wraps, spinach pasta, green veggie chips, pistachio pudding, mint chocolate chip ice cream

Green Chocolate Chip Cookies – made like you normally do but with green food coloring and mint chocolate chips, then make ice cream sandwiches with these and some mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Green Food Coloring – Add a little green food coloring to any soft, light colored food – remember that one drop can go a looong way: milk, mashed potatoes, scrambled eggs, homemade bread or biscuits, apple sauce, rice Krispie bars, white cheddar macaroni and cheese, ranch dressing, vanilla yogurt, whipped cream. You may want to save some of these for after the drinking starts.

Remember: green beer is generally the bar’s cheapest beer with a couple of drops of food coloring in it.

4

Everyone’s Confused; It Must be the Holidays

Something strange happens every year about this time. It’s the migration of the once-a-year shopper. Either that or the beginning of cold weather affects our brains more than scientists have admitted to us. All of a sudden I start getting a lot more questions about where to find things in the store. Way more than could be accounted for by the increased number of shoppers.

For example, a woman is looking at a display of cheese, “Where are the spices to use in a crock pot?” I explain to her that she needs to be looking in the spice aisle. She looks a little relieved and says thank you. I’m not sure why she thought she would find spices at the end of an aisle that says cheese.

“Where are the frozen vegetables?” I assume they want to know which aisle. I start out with, “They’re with the frozen foods, in…” As I fumble for the aisle number, she says, “Oh, that makes sense! Thank you.” I’m left to wonder whether she really didn’t understand that frozen vegetables would be with frozen food.

“Do you sell red hots? They come in a jar.” I look puzzled. The only red hots I know are hot dogs at the ball park and cinnamon candy. He says, “They come in a jar. They sell them at other stores.” I ask him whether they are meat, vaguely remembering something rather odd looking in a jar in the meat department. “Yes, that’s them.” So I send him to the meat department. Hopefully I hadn’t been looking at pickled eel or something.

“Where are the drain covers? For a kitchen sink.” I’m holding a box of cheese. I go across the aisle to look at kitchen implements, pretty sure it’s not the right spot. I said that I thought he would need to go to plumbing (the other side of the store). He asked if I could call someone who knew. So I called the manager who said they were in the plumbing aisle. And I took him to the same place we had been headed five minutes earlier.

“Where are the large slices of cheese? They used to hang on this wall.” She’s on one side of me while I kneel, stocking. I point to my other side. “Oh that’s right! I knew they were here somewhere.”

“Where are the large packages of processed cheddar cheese?” I tell her that we only sell the one size. “No you don’t. They go right here.” She points at a spot at the bottom of the cooler. I tell her that we don’t have cheddar cheese in those spots, just American cheese. “Then you just got rid of it. You always had it there.” I don’t know what to say. It hasn’t been there for the past two years I’ve been in the department.

“Where’s the gravy?” I tell her which aisle it’s in; two aisles past where we’re talking. “I’ve looked everywhere. It’s in a jar.” (What’s with the jars – do people think we keep them all together?) So I get up, and see a manager at the end of the that aisle. I walk toward him, and she follows. About halfway down the aisle. “Oh, here it is! Thank you!”

“Where’s the canned pumpkin? I’ve looked in fresh vegetables and fresh fruit and can’t find it. Do you have it on an end-cap?” I take her to the pie fillings and she gets what she wants. If she had told me that she had searched canned vegetables and couldn’t find it, I probably would have been a little less surprised by the question.

It’s not just the customers. A cashier wanted to know if she could give a rain check to a woman who wanted cheese slices that were out-of-stock. Her manager explained that since the item was not on sale, there was no need for a rain check. The woman could come back at any time and get it for that price. At least it was a new cashier.

I got the Thanksgiving shipment of cream cheese today. Two pallets of it. Due to space considerations, I put it on two (very heavy) carts which an extremely strong person from the grocery section helped me get into the cooler. These carts are intended to be used as storage so we can take out cases as we need them (not move the entire cart). I placed signs on each one saying that they should not be moved unless there were two people doing it. A while later, a guy from the deli comes up and asks if I can help him clean up the cream cheese in the cooler. “I needed to move it to get the chickens out. I barely moved it and it all fell over.” There was no way for one person to move it without jerking the cart to get it to move.

I asked him whether he had read the sign.