Category Archives: cats

14

Cat Forum: A Day at the Spa

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Image result for relaxed cat

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando here. Thanks for joining us here for this month’s Cat Forum. Today we’re looking at the important issue of how you can de-stress after a hard day of supervising the neighborhood, hunting, and looking for the perfect napping spot.

Image result for cat massage

One of the best ways to relax is to get a massage. Some cats find a human to do this. If you are looking for a human, you need one who uses their whole hand. It feels like extremely good cuddles.

Some humans use their fingertips. They call it acupressure; we call it prodding. However, many cats report that after the prodding, they do feel a lot better.

Image result for cat massage

We prefer a cat-to-cat massage. No one knows where our stress points are better than another cat. And when they’re done, you don’t need to worry about being dumped on the sofa afterwards. You can just relax and take a nap.

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Some of you say ‘nip is relaxing. We don’t want to recommend it here, because it excites as many kitties as it relaxes. Of course, most kitties do fall asleep after the excitement. So, it probably is relaxing.

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If you do choose to relax with ‘nip, make sure you get it from a reliable trader. Some cats have reported finding oregano and other herbs mixed in. That is definitely not relaxing.

A couple of good, long stretches are good for relaxing. Remember to hold the stretch momentarily to get the most out of it. If you are an active hunter, you may associate stretching with hunting. In that case, we do not recommend trying to relax this way.

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Some kitties like to relax with music. We recommend something in the classical realm, with lots of soothing strings or piano. Do not listen to that current human music with the loud crashes and human yowling. It will cause you more stress than you currently have.

Image result for cats chasing each other meme

If the source of your stress is a housemate, there are two ways to deal with it. Our preferred method is to chase them out of the area. Not only will the running help you de-stress, you no longer have to deal with the source of the stress.

The other alternative is to find a quiet space of your own. However, if you’re stressed because someone has invaded your quiet spot, you’ll need to have several back-ups. Pests can usually find you.

Image result for cats napping

 Last, but not least, is a nice, long nap in a warm spot. We recommend a blanket, a sunny spot, in front of a fire, or in your bed. Do not use a human lap. Just about the time you get settled in, they will decide it’s time for a snack.

Talking about all of this relaxation is making us sleepy. Purrs and snuggles from Cat Forum.

12

Snoops and Kommando: Literary Critics

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Image result for cats with books

Snoops and Kommando here. Mom didn’t notice that there were five Saturdays in August, so she has an extra post to fill. And guess which very talented kitties came to the rescue? That’s right. So here we are. (We get to write more next week since it’s our regular week. Pretty exciting, eh?)

Anyway, we have decided that we would show you just how intelligent cats are. She and the young male human went to a place called Stratford, Ontario on Sunday to see a play called Henry the VIII.

Weird, huh? Seems like they should have seen the first seven Henrys before this one. Apparently, it’s like some of human TV. It really doesn’t matter where you start. It sounded pretty boring (also like most human TV). No cats (or even dogs) in the whole thing.

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But they did bring home one interesting item: Cat Poems, edited by Tynan Kogane. We had high hopes and began reading right away. Humans don’t write many books for cats. We were not impressed.

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Mujer by William Carlos Williams

Oh, Black Persian cat!

was not your life

already cursed with offspring?

we took you for rest to that old

Yankee farm, –so lonely

and with so many field mice

in the long grass—

and you return to us

in this condition–!

Oh, black Persian cat.

So, what’s the deal with this? Cats shouldn’t have kittens? Black Persian cats shouldn’t have kittens? We know there are currently too many kittens. But if no one had kittens, we’d run out of cats.

And what condition is he talking about? Is she pregnant again? Covered with dirt and prickly things? A dead mouse for dinner? We don’t like this poem. Let’s move on.

Image result for cat looking at bird

She Sights a Bird by Emily Dickinson

She sights a bird – she chuckles—

She flattens—then she crawls—

She runs without the look of feet—

Her eyes increase to Balls—

 

Her jaws stir—twitching—hungry—

Her Teeth can hardly stand—

She leaps, but Robin leaped the first—

Ah, Pussy of the Sand.

 

The hopes so juice ripening—

You almost bathed your Tongue—

When Bliss disclosed a hundred toes—

And fled with every one—

This one starts out pretty good. We’ve all seen birds we want to catch. The cat gets all excited. Then loses the bird. Then something with lots of toes ran away. Who is Bliss? Why does she need one hundred toes? Not only did the poem disappoint us, it ended strange.

Image result for bored cat meme

We were going to tell you more poems, but most of them were really long. Or talked about dead cats or about old cats who were getting ready to die. Or were just too weird to even understand.

We decided that what the book needed was some poetry actually written by cats. We came up with a couple of ideas we think they should consider for the next version. They are much easier to understand.

Image result for cat chasing mouse

Mothers Ruin Everything

A mouse wandered out of a hole in the wall.

Two excited kitties raced quickly down the hall.

One came for the kill,

The other, the thrill.

Rats! They lost their prey, who heard his mother call.

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Mothers Ruin Everything – Part 2

The cats saw birds out the window pane.

They tried to get out; it was in vain.

The door they used before

Was shut to the floor.

Mom closed it when it started to rain.

See? Short. To the point. Easy to understand. If they’re going to write a book for cats about poetry, they should write ones that cats can understand them. We’re smart; people just don’t get how to communicate with us.

14

Cat Forum: It’s in the Stars

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Snoops: Did you know that this time of year has a special name around here? It’s called the “Dog Days”

Kommando: Why? I haven’t seen any extra dogs wandering around.

Snoops: Nope. It doesn’t have anything to do with real dogs.

Kommando: Is it because it’s so hot that the humans lie around panting like dogs?

Image result for hot canine

Snoops: It’s because of a star called Sirius, the Dog Star. It’s easy to see this time of year.

Kommando: Why do dogs get a star? What about cats?

Snoops: We have Leo. It’s a bunch of stars named after a lion.

Kommando: OK. That works. So how long do these “dog days” last? It’s really hot.

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Snoops: Yeah. Lying under these fans all the time is hard on my fur.

Kommando: And I’m tired of shedding so much.

Snoops: Luckily, they’re almost over. They generally run from July 3 to August 11 in the northern part of the world.

Kommando: So, after tomorrow it won’t be so hot anymore?

Snoops: Afraid not. It can still be hot and sticky for a long time.

Image result for hot cat meme

Kommando: Rats. But that part about cats and dogs in the sky is pretty interesting. Are there other animals up there?

Snoops: I don’t know. Let’s look it up on the Internet.

Kommando: We can talk to Mr. Google, so we don’t have to worry about typing.

Snoops: Wow! Look at this. There are 88 constellations and 42 are named after animals.*

Image result for cat with computer

Kommando: Some of those aren’t animals. Like birds. And fish. Seriously? They consider a fly an animal?

Snoops: Some of them aren’t real animals either; they’re make-believe.

Kommando: Let’s see what some of them look like.

Leo (Lion)

Image result for leo constellation Image result for standing lion

 

Ursa Major (Big Bear)

Image result for ursa major constellation Image result for bear

Taurus (Bull)

Image result for taurus constellation  Image result for bull

Vulpecula (Fox)

 Image result for fox constellation Image result for fox

Kommando: Those stars don’t look anything like the animals. Humans are crazy.

Snoops: I guess it was nice of them to think of us.

Kommando: At least they have opposable thumbs.

All pictures courtesy of Google Images (except us)

* https://starinastar.com/how-many-animal-constellations/

Sorry  I’m late – I accidentally scheduled it for tomorrow

55

Cat Forum: Interview with Da Tabbies O Trout Towne

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Image result for cat with fish

Greetings. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. Today we’re talking to some of our newest friends in blog-land, Da Tabbies O Trout Towne. We met the Da Tabbies earlier this year. They are a lot of fun, and we recommend that you go over and read about some of their adventures.

They are a little isolated over in Trout Towne and have developed a dialect of cat that is different than any we knew before (although it is similar to some surfer-cat dialects and Cajun cats). They have a unique way of looking at things, and we like them a lot. Dude K Mayor provided the answers below.

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Who lives in Trout Towne? 

current lee it be tuna of moon, mackerull boomer junior butter feeld, & dai$y queen of the run on sentence manee moonz ago dude K, sauce of fishbone, butter lover boomer o cat, and the perkolator lived heer but they bee livin large & in charge in heaven now

Image result for cats at the lake

What makes Trout Towne special? 

noe one noez wear itz at…inn cloodin uz

(1)

You all seem to hate birds. Is there a reason? 

ewe betcha, we gotta lot oh reezonz, two manee ree lee, but one important one iz they iz all wayz steelin R fishin werms

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How do you get to be mayor? 

well, gram paw dude waz named mayor afturr an electshunz… that had onlee one voter; hiz self

(2)

What do you like to do? 

sleep, chillax, eat, watch nayborz, sass chippeez & BURDS, cauz trubull, aggravatez de food servizz gurl bee coz we can, sneek online N vizit pals,  ore shop with de food gurlz card….then ree peet

(3)

Do you all get along well? 

yez & noe; dai$y iz act shoo a lee a cuzin,  N livez with de food servizz gurlz mom sew we due knot see her like in reel life, mackerull & me; tuna…. haza…. “ewe on R my last nerve kinda life” ….but mackerullz onlee 1 and me tuna, eye am 12 and reddy ta ree tire

(4)

Do you have to love fish to live in Trout Towne? 

knot reel lee… but it doez help if ewe like nite time better than day time;  coz in day time we sleep

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Are humans allowed? 

if they bee bringin canned goodz, kibble, ore fishin wermz….sure 😉

Image result for group of cats meme

 Are you cuddlers or loners? 

this questshunz hard ta answer coz all oh uz iz both;  but knot at de same time; ore de same day; N sum timez knot even de same yeer

Image result for talking cat meme

 Is there anything else you’d like to tell us?

sure. stop bye anytime, we all wayz haz hammicks out, foodz on de grill, anda force feeld we can tern on pron toe, if we see burd…incoming.  manee thanx two ewe snoops and kommando for lettin uz chill with ewe both two day…thiz waz fun !!

Image result for cat at a barbecue
The real tabbies o Trout Towne are the pictures with numbers. All other pictures are courtesy of Google Images
20

Cat Forum: What’s Your Sign?

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Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to another edition of Cat Forum.

Kommando: Did you know that humans have something called a horrorscope?

Snoops: What’s that?

Kommando: I’m not sure. I think it tells them when something horrible is going to happen to them.

Snoops: I think you mean a horoscope. That tells them what’s going to happen based on when they were born. It also tells them what type of personality people have. It’s based on where all the stuff in the sky is when they’re born.

Image result for kitty zodiac

Kommando: Ooh. Cats need something like that. It could tell us whether we’re going to get good food or something yucky tomorrow.

Snoops: That’s not the kind of thing they use it for. They use to see if they’re going to fall in love or get a better job. Stuff like that.

Kommando: Oh. That’s too bad. Cats don’t need that.

Snoops: Cats do have certain traits based on when they were born.

Kommando: We don’t know when we were born, so it won’t work for us.

Snoops: Maybe we can look at the personalities and tell from that. Let’s see what it says.

Image result for aries kitty

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

These kitties have a lot of energy. They are the ones who race around all the time and want to play with anything they find. They are the most prone to bringing their human a paw-caught gift.

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Taurus (April 20-May 20)

These cats love to be indulged. They can’t get too much attention. They generally will eat whatever is put before them (and maybe even something that’s in someone else’s bowl). Many of them beg human food as well.

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Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Gemini is the sign for twins, and Gemini kitties have twice the personality in one cat. They have no problem communicating what they want and may have a whole vocabulary for getting it. These are the kitties who race around, get into things, then look innocent about the whole thing.

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Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Cancer kitties are usually quiet and cuddly. And they want a quiet, cuddly environment. They are family-oriented and like to give affection as well as get it. Sometimes they look for their own quiet space to get away from things.

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Leo (July 23 – August 22)

These cats demand the most attention of any cat you will meet. They want to be the center of attention and get the most affection. They love playing with toys. They want lots of cuddles and love, and if they don’t get enough, they’ll come looking for it.

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Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Virgos are the ones who give cats their finnicky reputation. They want what they want and would prefer to have it now. They also want an extra clean bowl and litter box. Virgo cats are clean themselves, so don’t mess up the fur.

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Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Libra cats know they are the prettiest kitties around. They like to be noticed by humans and other cats. They are social, and want to be in the middle of everything. They pair well with Gemini kitties.

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Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio cats are intense and mysterious. They do not like their humans petting another cat. They are moody, changing from loving to aloof like a switch has been flipped. They like to hide and also to hide things. (Most likely cat to leave a dead mouse in a slipper.)

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Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

These cats love a good adventure, and might even disappear for a day or two trying to find it. They are always on the lookout for something exciting to do or see. It’s best to keep breakable things and nervous humans out of their way.

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Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Capricorn cats prefer a one-on-one relationship with their human. They are used to getting what they want and like it that way. A favorite trick is to “persuade” their human that everyone will get a lot more sleep if kitty gets to sleep in the bedroom.

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Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Aquarius kitties are the ones with the unique tastes. That’s because they hate being bored. They want lots of entertainment all the time. Humans like them because they are the most likely to perform on command.

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Pieces (February 19 – March 20)

These cats are calm and affectionate. When they sleep, they look like they’re dreaming about catching mice and moths. These kitties know when their human isn’t feeling well and will give extra cuddles to make up for it.

Kommando: That was interesting, but I can’t figure out which one I am.

Snoops: That’s because you’re in a category of your own.

Image result for cat horoscope meme

Information is courtesy of Tarot.com: https://www.tarot.com/astrology/astrology-cats-zodiac

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

11

Cat Forum: A Guide to Summer Cat TV

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Snoops and Kommando here. Welcome to this month’s Cat Forum. (Yes, we have been pushed back a week because of the stupid bison story. Maybe the editors will learn to count by June. We are the second week feature, not the third week feature. How are our fans supposed to find us?)

Image result for couch potato meme

Oh, well. On to this month’s topic. We’re going to talk about summer Cat TV. Unlike humans, we never have to worry about seeing the same program twice. Just another sign of cat intellectual superiority. We don’t have to turn our brains off to watch the same stuff day after day. (We know some humans are like that because our Dad used to do it – watch the same stuff, not turn his brain off.)

We live in a house without air conditioning, so we are lucky enough to have sound. Some of you air conditioned cats aren’t so lucky. (Although you don’t have to deal with sticky humans, a definite plus.)

Image result for hummingbird

First are the birds.We live in Michigan, so we have more birds this time of year than when it’s cold. Some of you who live in warmer climates might not see much of a difference. Our favorites are the hummingbirds. They’re small and fast, so they’re a lot of fun to watch.

Image result for finches birds

Our human brother has a really big lilac bush just outside his bedroom window. It’s full of birds most of the time.All kinds of birds: sparrows, finches, wrens, robins, blue birds, blue jays, …. He complains about the noise waking him up. We’ve tried to tell him that they’re calling us, but he doesn’t seem to get it.

Image result for squirrels running around

The squirrel and deer channels get a lot more active too. The squirrels like to chase each other around. It looks like fun, but they get pretty mean sometimes when they fight. We’re glad they’re only on TV.

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Every once in a while, there’s a show on the squirrel channel that we really like. The little guys look a lot like squirrels, but much smaller with stripes down their backs. Mom says they’re called chipmunks. They look like they’d be fun to chase. But we don’t know what we’d do with it if we caught one. Mom says we can’t bring it in the house.

Image result for woodchuck in a tree

The funniest show is Woodchuck Adventures. Woodchucks (aka groundhogs) look like huge rodents. (Bigger than us.) They like to lay in the sun. They probably don’t have to worry about sunburn, because they’re really furry.. As soon as they hear a noise, they race for the nearest shelter. It’s great watching something that bulky and slow running that fast. It’s even better when they climb trees. One went up a baby peach tree and was too big to sit on the branches.

We get the boring specialty channels too. We don’t have many snakes in Michigan. The ones we do have just lay in the sun. If we want to watch someone sleep, we can watch Mom.

Image result for moths

(silk moth – we don’t have those on our channel)

The night channel is pretty boring too. We like to watch the fireflies. Mom says their tails are poisonous, so we cant play with them. Moths are the best. They’re fun to play with, and crunchy and tasty if they get annoying.

Image result for angry skunk

The worst show on that channel is the skunks. We were really disappointed. They’re kind of cute; they reminded us a little of cats. But they seem to fight dirty (and loud). When something scares them, they make a huge stink (for real). It smells awful. You air conditioned cats should be grateful. We hear some dogs try to make friends with them. Big mistake. Tell your dog friends if they upset a skunk, they’ll smell even worse than usual.

We recommend you check your local channels. Chances are, there’s something good out there that you haven’t seen for a while.

All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

17

Cat Forum: Fur, Beautiful Fur

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Darlin’ give me a body with fur, long beautiful fur

Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen

Fur, fur. Fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur

Flow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my fur.

Fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur

Flow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my fur.

Fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur, fur

Flow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my fur.

Flow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my fur.

Flow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my fur.

Flow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my fur.

With apologies to “Hair”. You can hear the original Broadway version here.

Image result for furry cats

Kommando: Why does it say “Apologies to Hair?” It’s about fur.

Snoops: It was originally about human hair.

Kommando: Why would anyone write a song about that? It’s disgusting.

Snoops: They wrote a whole play about it according to Mom.

Kommando: Humans are so weird. It’s not like it even covers their whole bodies. You have to look at all that disgusting skin.

Snoops: Seriously. Those pores and bumps. And those marks when they fall down.

Kommando: Yeah. And when they bleed. Ugh. Revolting.

Snoops: That’s why we’re talking about fur today.

Kommando: Pawsome!

Image result for peterbald cats

First, we are identified by the type of coat we have. There are hairless, short-haired, and long-haired.

Hairless – Hairless cats are not hairless (but they are cats). They are covered with very fine hair that feels like suede. Hairless cats are actually quite a bit of work. They have to be bathed regularly to remove some of the oil from their skin (the rest of us have fur to do it). Also, these cats shouldn’t be outside in cold weather (no coat). And they sunburn (Don’t put aloe on it; it’s poison to cats). Examples include the Sphynx and Peterbald.

Image result for bengal cats

Short-haired – These cats are low-maintenance. The fur is no more than 1.5 inches long and requires very little brushing. Examples are the British Shorthair, the Burmese, the Manx, the Bengal, and the Savannah.

Image result for maine coon cats

Long-haired – These cats are furballs with feet. Their fur is longer than 1.5 inches, but it can grow up to 5 inches long. They require a lot of brushing, and they shed year-round. They are also prone to coughing up hairballs. Examples are the Maine Coon, the Ragdoll, and the Persian.

Now we move on to colors and patterns. As many varieties of patterns there are, cats are limited to 8 colors: white, black, red/ginger, bluish/gray, cream, brown, cinnamon, fawn. If cats were good at math, we’d tell you how many combinations that is; we’re not, so it’s lots.

Image result for solid color cats

Solid/Self Color – These cats are easy to spot, if you can find one. If there are furs of other color (any furs), they are not a solid.

Image result for bi-color cats

Bi-Color – a base of white with patches of color. There are many variations: random, random with colored tail, colored head and back, and between the ears and a colored tail.

Image result for tabby cats

Tabby – the most common patter in domestic cats; they are striped or marbled. The markings trace back to the ancestral wild cats. There are four sub-groups:

Striped or Mackerel – vertical stripes running from spine to belly.

Classic or Blotched – no distinct stripes, but a marbled effect.

Spotted – Spots instead of stripes.

Ticked – Each hair is more than one color, often with striped legs and tail.

Image result for tortoiseshell cats

Tortoiseshell – they come in a variety of shades. The most common is gingery-red and black; the lightest is blue-grey and cream (diluted). Sometimes the colors are mixed/brindled and sometimes they are in patches.

Image result for torbie cats

Torbie – a mixture of tabby and tortie. The markings are a mix a blend of tabby and tortoiseshell.

Image result for calico cats

Tri-Color/Calico – a mixture of gingery red, black, and white in any variation. They dilute down to grey, cream and white.

Image result for color point cats

Color Point – one color, but darker on the face, paws, and tail; the parts that are the coolest.

Kommando: Gee. I had no idea that fur was so complicated. Imagine if we each got to pick out our own coat. The line would go on forever while cats looked at samples.

Snoops: That is a very strange idea. Even from you. But there’s more. Some cats only have a top coat. That’s the longer guard hair. Others have that and an undercoat. The undercoat is very fine and cottony; excellent insulation. Those are the cats that don’t mind being outside in the winter.

Image result for double coated cats

Kommando: We have double coats, and we don’t like cold weather.

Snoops: Good point. I guess fur is only part of it.

Kommando: These cats are all beautiful. I guess that’s the advantage of being a cat.

Snoops: Very true. We’re all gorgeous.

Kommando: Of course, the best looking are the bi-color with random black spots.

Snoops: Not even close. It’s the classic calico.

Kommando: Bi-color!

Snoops: Tri-color!

Kommando & Snoops: Mom! We need you!

Image result for cats playing

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

18

Cat TV – Part 2

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Image result for cats and tv

So far – Josie and Kenny’s TV have gone out, and the technician won’t be available for at least three days. They are devastated, but Mom and Dad aren’t very sympathetic.

Josie: Mooom, I’m bored.

Mom: Did you do your homework?

Josie: Yes. Now I’m bored.

Image result for cats and book

Mom: Read a book.

Josie: I don’t have any.

Mom: Go to the library.

Josie: Yuck! What if someone sees me?

Mom: What if they do?

Josie (sighing): Mom, you’re impossible.

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Kenny: I’m bored.

Mom: I don’t suppose you have anything else to do either.

Kenny: Nope.

Mom: Then clean your rooms.

They look at her and roll their eyes. She doesn’t move. They stomp off to their rooms. At dinner:

Dad: You two look gloomy. Did you have a bad day?

Image result for cats cleaning

Kenny: We didn’t have anything to do, so Mom made us clean our rooms.

Dad: Oh, that is a crisis.

Kenny and Josie glare at him.

Mom: Well, tomorrow you can go visit Grandma. I’m sure she has something for you to do.

Josie: It has to be better than today.

The next day, they walk over to Grandma’s house. She’s outside getting ready to pounce on something. Josie and Kenny run up to her.

Image result for cats pouncing

Josie: Hi Grandma! Mom sent us over here because we’re bored. Do you have a TV we can watch?

Grandma: Goodness, no. What a waste of time. Wouldn’t you two rather run around the yard?

Josie: No TV?

Grandma: Josie, we’re cats. Cats don’t watch TV.

Josie: All of our friends do.

Grandma: When did you pick up that nasty human habit? Doesn’t it interfere with your running around and climbing things?

Kenny: Why would we do that?

Grandma: That’s what real cats do.

Image result for cats pouncing

Josie: Next thing you know, she going to tell us we should be out chasing mice and pouncing on bugs.

Grandma: Exactly! Those are excellent cat skills. Look over there; the bush is moving. Let’s see who can pounce the fastest.

The kittens thought it was silly, but since it was Grandma they played along. To their surprise, she was faster by far. She jumped at the bush, but the bird got away.

Kenny: Wow, Grandma! You can run a lot faster than we can.

Grandma: That’s because I’ve been running since I was a kitten. Now, see if you can catch me.

Image result for cats in tree

Grandma took off with Kenny close behind. She got to the maple tree and ran up the side to the first branch. Kenny stood under her.

Kenny: No fair! How can I catch you up there?

Grandma: The same way I got here. Climb the tree.

Kenny: How do I get down.?

Grandma: It isn’t very high. Jump off.

Kenny: Wow! This is fun. Can you show us how to do all this old-fashioned stuff?

Image result for kittens playing

They had so much fun that it was time to go home before they realized it.

Josie: Thank you, Grandma. That was great.

Grandma: I had a lot of fun too. But if you’re going to watch TV, watch Cat TV. That human stuff will rot your mind.

Josie: What’s Cat TV?

Grandma: If you have to be inside, watch what’s out the window. You’ll see all kinds of interesting things. You can practice your running and pouncing in your head.

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Josie and Kenny ran home for dinner.

Dad: Did you have fun at Grandma’s?

Kenny: It was pawsome! She taught us all the things she learned when she was a kitten. We ran around and tried to kill bugs and climbed trees.

Dad: That does sound like fun. You should be happy. The TV technician comes tomorrow. You should have TV by nighttime.

Kenny: That’s OK. We’re going to watch Cat TV instead.

Josie nodded. Their parents were astounded.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

 

 

13

Snoops and Kommando in the Kitchen

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Here we are again. Your favorite felines from Cheeseland. Why are we interrupting the lame story about Cat TV? Mom has a concussion from where she fell on the sidewalk. (She is so clumsy. She would be the world’s worst cat.) Her brain is a little slower than usual, so we’re here to fill the gap.

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We have come up with some recipes to make her feel better. You are free to try them yourselves and let us know what you think.

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Protein Smoothie

3 mice, preferable without tails1

1 cup cream

½ cup cat grass2

Ice cubes to make it smooth

Put in earplugs. Blend until it is liquidy and a nice brownish-green color

1 If you do not have mice, substitute any fish.

2 Any green will do. The recipe book said that greens make smoothies healthier, and cat grass sounded good to us.

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Tuna Melt

1 slice bread1

1 can tuna

1 slice cheese1

1 Only necessary if you are actually going to melt the tuna.

We recommend that you get out the ingredients, then give the cheese to the mice to fatten them up for the smoothie. You can take the bread outside. It will attract birds for Cat TV. Eat the tuna to show how delicious this treat is.

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Chicken Soup

2 cups chicken broth1

1 cup shredded chicken2

Vegetables3

Noodles3

1You can buy broth at the store. You don’t need to squeeze a chicken

2Remember to only use canned or from the refrigerator. Raw chicken can make you sick.

3It doesn’t matter what kind or how many. Most cats don’t like vegetables or noodles.

You stir all this stuff together. Put it in the microwave until it starts to bubble over. (Be sure not to let it heat too long. You’ll lose too much broth.) Put it through a strainer over a bowl.

Put the bowl next to the strainer. Pick out the chicken and put it in the bowl with the broth. Take the strainer outside and empty it. The vegetables will attract animals for Cat TV.

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Potatoes au Gratin

(Toss) Don’t know how that got in here. Who eats potatoes?

Caesar Salad

Eeew. Isn’t that the guy our human brother keeps reading about? (Toss)

Pickled Pig’s Feet

Blech. We hate pickles and who wants to eat the part of the pig he’s been walking around on? Do you know where they live? (Toss)

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Meat Loaf

1 pound meat1

1 onion

1 egg

1 cup bread crumbs

Salsa or barbecue sauce

Salt and pepper

1It doesn’t say what kind of meat, but since it’s supposed to be in a loaf, we recommend something small, like mice.

Put the meat in a loaf pan. Like the ones Mom uses for banana nut bread. Put it in the oven and cook it. Put the other ingredients in the refrigerator. Some human will eat it eventually.

We hope you will enjoy these recipes.

Purrs, Snoops and Kommando Kitty

 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except us)

 

 

5

Cat TV

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Josie and Kenny Kitty came home from school, said hello to their mother, and turned on the TV. Everything was fine until the screen went blank, then said “searching for signal.”

Josie: Mom! The TV lost its signal again.

Kenny: That’s the fourth time this week.

Mom: Well, you’ll just have to wait for it to come back on.

Josie: But it’s our favorite show, “Tom Kat, Secret Agent.” Tom had just figured out who stole the catnip, but we didn’t know yet.

Mom: I’m sorry, honey. I can’t do anything about it.

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They waited for a few minutes, then turned off the TV. About an hour later, their father came in.

Kenny: Dad, the TV’s out again.

Dad: This is ridiculous. It seems like we don’t have TV half the time. I’m going to call the service people.

He calls the cable company and is put on hold. The longer he waits, the more irritated he gets. Finally, he gets through and explains the problem. He listens for a few minutes and hangs up.

Josie: What did they say, Dad?

Dad: They can’t tell us anything unless they send out a technician to check it out.

Josie: OK, what time will they be here?

Dad: Thursday, between noon and five.

Kenny: Thursday? But it’s only Monday. What are we supposed to do until then?

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Dad: Find something else to do.

Kenny: But I need the TV for my homework.

Mom: You’ll just have to tell your teacher that our TV isn’t working. Or go over to Henry’s and watch it with him.

Dad: What kind of homework did she assign that needs the TV?

Kenny: We’re supposed to write a report about the French Revolution, and “A Tale of Two Kitties” is on Mouseterpiece Theater tonight.

His mother started to laugh.

Kenny: What’s so funny. That’s about the French Revolution.

Mom: It’s not a true story. I think she meant that you are supposed to read something. A book or something I find you on the Internet.

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Kenny: Oh. Well I guess I don’t need the TV for that after all.

Mom: I guess not.

Josie: But we still need something to do.

Dad: You could read. Or go for a walk. Or clean your rooms.

Josie: I meant about TV. We’ll be the only ones at school who don’t know what’s happening on “Dr. John, Veterinarian to the Stars.” And “Susie Squirrel: High School Hero.”

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Mom: I think you’ll survive. You two watch too much TV. When your Dad and I were your age, we ran around, and climbed trees and had a lot of fun.

Dad (joking): I don’t know. That sounds pretty important.

Mom: Then go to someone’s house and watch it.

Kenny: That would be lame.

Mom: Why?

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Kenny: Their TV’s are all old. We have the only one where it looks like the mice are right in the living room when you play games.

Mom: Well, I guess you’re stuck.

Josie: It’s OK, I guess. We can stick around and keep you company Mom.

Kenny: Yeah! You can play games with us and teach us how to cook and stuff.

Mom: Maybe I should help you find something to do.

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What should two bored kittens do to entertain themselves when the TV goes out?

All pictures courtesy of Google Images