Tag Archives: humans

17

A CatForce Job Applicant

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Cat On Computer - Marin Humane

Archie was tired of living at home. He wanted to get his own place so he could get away from the new batch of kittens and all the rules his mother had. He wasn’t really what he wanted to do with his life. A buddy of his had found a pretty good spot as rodent control at a bakery. He told Archie to try CatForce.

Archie looked at the website: CatForce: Cats and Humans Working Together. Hmm. Barney hadn’t said anything about all of the jobs being with humans. He decided to give it a try.

So why do cats like laser-dots?. A scientific verse+video mashup, by… | by Organic Bandwidth | Real/Digital Hybrid Living | Medium

Step 1: Building your profile. That looked simple enough. The first section was easy: name, address, and contact information.

Step 2: What experience do you have? Archie thought. He didn’t have any experience working with humans.

Step 3: What skills do you have? General cat-type skills: hunting, pouncing, excellent at laser tag.

Wet Cat In The Rain Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Step 4: List three strengths: patient. (Rats! Why didn’t Barney tell him how hard this was going to be?) persistent, tidy

Step 5: List three weaknesses: can sleep anywhere (maybe that’s a strength?), don’t like rain, short attention span (sometimes; if it’s not about me)

Then the questions.

Purr-manently confused! Tilly the cat looks forever perplexed

On a scale of 1-10. how much do you like humans? Maybe 5? I don’t know any.

Do you want to work inside or outside? Inside. I don’t like bad weather.

Do you want to work days or nights? Either

Petting Aggression: Why Cats Bite the Hand They Love & What to Do (Vet-Approved) - Catster

Do you want a place to live on your job site or go home at the end of your shift? Depends on the job

Do you have any record of attacking humans? No.

Thank you for answering all of the questions. We are working on a list of the types of jobs you would match with as well as a list of jobs we would not recommend for you.

Recommended: Shop Cat, Library Cat, Factory Cat

Not Recommended: Barn Cat, Farm Cat, Lap Cat

Would you like to see open jobs in your Recommended categories? You can choose See More to look at details or Pass to remove it from your list of opportunities. Isn’t the point of answering all the questions? Yes, I want to see the jobs.

Cat smells owner's foot and retches – Michael Broad

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – See More (maybe there will be birds there)

Rodent Control Nick’s Shoe Emporium – Pass (ugh; naked human feet)

Rodent Control Nikki’s Noodle House – Pass (I don’t like noodles)

Why Your Cat Likes Sleeping on the Bed With or Without You | PawTracks

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – See More (sounds like there might be ice cream)

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – See More (getting paid to sleep = cat Nirvana)

Display Model Cats and More – See More (possibly another sleeping opportunity)

CatForce processes the information and presents the following job descriptions:

Rodent Control Acme Feather Company – Become a valued member of our team. The Acme Feather Company has been creating cat toys for over fifteen years. The bins of feathers need to be protected from the teeth of the rodents in the warehouse. Excellent pay with top-of-the line benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie set up an appointment for Tuesday afternoon.

Greeter Suzy’s Shake Shack – Our apologies. The Health Department has required us to remove this posting.

Maine Coon vs mixed-breed short haired cat size comparison : r/interestingasfuck

Quality Control State Street Spring and Mattress – Looking for someone to join our mattress testing team. The ideal candidate will be able to sleep on demand and give feedback on the quality of the mattress. Benefits include our state-of-the-art snack bar and competitive pay/benefits. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose a spot on Monday morning.

Cat furniture by CatsPlay - CatsPlay Superstore

Display Model Cats and More – You know us from our unique cat trees and kitty condos. Be a part of our sales team. Work in the showroom demonstrating how comfortable our products really are. Excellent employee discount program. Vacations and health benefits programs. Do you want to set up an appointment? Archie chose Monday afternoon.

I Bought a GIANT CAT TREE and My Cats Loved It!

Follow-up: Archie went to all three interviews. He chose the job at Cats and More. The humans were really nice and the products were extremely comfortable. The Acme Feather Company position was overnight, and Archie was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stay awake. The job at the State Street Spring and Mattress involved sleeping with strange humans. Archie was uncomfortable with the whole idea.

Why Do Cats Sleep So Much? Common Feline Sleep FAQs

Non-AI pictures courtesy of Google Images

27

Behind the Scenes at CatForce

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Confused Cat Face

Thomas Tabby has started a new software platform, CatForce, to match working cats with humans who are looking for some feline assistance. The site was intended to allow humans to post positions and have the cats look for something that interested them.  There was a bit of an unforeseen issue with the actual communication between the humans and the cats. While most cats are fluent in human, it is extremely rare to find a human who understands the language of cats.

Cats of the Call Center : r/midjourney

After some research, the CatForce Help Center is using AnimalTongue Cat as a translation tool. The human fills out the form describing what position they are trying to fill, the form is translated into Cat, and CatForce staff decides whether they will accept or decline the position. If a posting is declined, the human can contact the help center to make modifications to the posting. All communication is handled through CatForce Chat. Here are a few examples:

Katy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 1: I’m not sure. I only have one request.

Katy: Have you submitted a job description?

Human 1: Yes. And the email said it was denied.

45 Cat Cry Laptop Royalty-Free Images, Stock Photos & Pictures | Shutterstock

Katy: There should be an order number on that email.

Human 1: Can’t you just use my name? Or email or something?

Katy: Unfortunately, our system sorts by order number. You should have received it when you first placed your request. It would have been on the denial email too.

Human 1: I want to talk to a human.

cat and computer Tag - Palm Press

Katy: I’m sorry, but this is a cat-owned business. There are no humans here.

Human 1: That’s ridiculous. Aren’t your managers human?

Katy: We are proudly 100% cat owned and operated. Unfortunately, I can’t assist you if you don’t have your order number.

Human 1 disconnects.

Can Cats Understand TV? - Wag!

Jiminy: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 2: 125-303

Jiminy: Thank you for that information. Am I chatting with Jonelle Jones?

Human 2: Yes, you are. I want to know why my posting was rejected.

Meet the Cheshire Cat! (my opinions on the Cheshire Cat) | by Mara | Medium

Jiminy: It says that you are looking for a Cheshire cat. We aren’t certain what type of cat that would be and what the job would entail.

Jonelle: You don’t know about Cheshire Cats? They can make themselves invisible and move without anyone seeing them.

Jiminy: I don’t know anything about that type of cat.

Jonelle: You must know about them. They’re in a book.

The Real Cheshire Cat – Anitha Rao-Robinson

Jiminy: Are you referring to Alice in Wonderland?

Jonelle: Yes, that’s it. I need one of those cats to keep my children entertained.

Jiminy: I’m sorry, but that wasn’t a real cat. We can’t create a job request for something that doesn’t exist.

Jonelle: Are you sure?

Jiminy: I’m afraid not. Have a pleasant day.

Why Do Cats Like To Walk & Sit on Keyboards as Much as They Do? - Cats.com

Jonelle: Can you tell me where Wonderland is? Maybe I can find one myself.

Jiminy: I don’t think that exists either.

Jonelle: That’s unfortunate. Good-bye

They disconnect.

Buttercup: Thank you for using CatForce. What order number will we be chatting about today?

Human 3: 130-267

Buttercup: You are David S and you are looking for guard cats?

David: Yes, that’s correct.

Buttercup: What do you want the cats to guard?

Neighbors react to tiger in neighborhood

David: My house.

Buttercup: How many cats are you looking to hire?

David: I think two. One for the front door and one for the back door.

Buttercup: Cats generally aren’t used for home protection. Are you sure about this?

David: I want big cats. Maybe tigers. Or panthers.

Black panther spotted prowling on rooftops | Metro News

Buttercup: CatForce works with domesticated cats, not wild animals.

David: Are you sure that you won’t have any big cats?

Buttercup: That is definitely not our target market.

David: I’m very sorry to hear that.

He disconnects.

It’s break time and the cats get together to discuss the strange humans they’ve been chatting with.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

28

Onyx’s Letter: A Rebuttal

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Note from the Editors: We appreciate all the support Onyx received last week about missing Blondie. However the other cats feel that she was not telling the whole story. Sgt Stripes, in particular, would like to say a few words.

Sgt Stripes: I miss Blondie, but her going away has really upset the cat-to-human ratio.All of us have a primary human and a secondary human. Like my primary human is Blondie’s brother. He’s really smart, so we can call him Joe College (shout out to Snoopy). Mom is my secondary human.

Snoops: And my primary human is Mom, and my secondary human is Joe College. It was set up before Blondie and the boys moved in.

Sgt Stripes: When they moved in, we had to share humans. Mom is the most popular because she handles food and treats. But Joe College is really good about sharing his space with us.

Gypsy: Mom and I are sort of bonded, so she’s my primary human. Joe College has the best cat TV, so he’s my secondary human.

Angel: Blondie is my primary humans. I really like sitting with Joe College, but I like Mom a lot too. I guess they are both my back-up humans.

Snoops: Which brings us to Onyx.

Sgt Stripes: Yep. Blondie is her primary human. And she is VERY territorial. She ignored everyone else. She even got a nickname, Empress of the Night, because she is such a princess. She wasn’t really friendly to any of the other humans either.

Gypsy: That’s why it was such a problem when Blondie went away. The Princess didn’t have a back-up human.

Sgt Stripes: So she stole Gypsy’s.

Snoops: And mine.

Sgt Stripes: That is true. But Mom is your downstairs human. She’s Gypsy’s upstairs human.

Gypsy: It’s been really bad. She spends all of her time on Mom’s bed. Even when Mom’s at work.She’s taken over the bedroom. Nighttime used to be our cuddle time. Now I have to work around Onyx. And she is not easy to intimidate.

Sgt Stripes: That’s true. I’m three times her size, but she just ignores me. She even insisted on having some of my treats (beef and liver) even though she only eats dairy treats.

Angel: I think I have it worse. I am Blondie’s downstairs cat, but I spend a lot of evenings with Joe College. Since Mom is taking care of the small humans, they don’t have time in the evenings to sit in the living room. The only time I get cuddles at all is if Snoops and Sgt Stripes aren’t hogging Mom and Joe College.

Snoops: They are our primary humans. We should get to spend time with them.

Angel: We need another human.

Snoops: We have enough humans.  Besides, Blondie’s coming home in a few weeks.

Sgt Stripes: That’s forever in cat time. We need something now.

Angel: The small humans are pretty good at giving treats.

Gypsy: Only downstairs. We don’t get extra treats from them.

Snoops: And they are still kinda rough when they pet me.

Gypsy: They are not touching me. They are loud and run around. I’ve had to hide on the shelves in Blondie’s room.

Sgt Stripes: Isn’t that where Onyx hangs out?

Gypsy: Not while’s she hogging my spot on Mom’s bed.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds fair.

Snoops: I guess we’re stuck until Blondie gets home.

Sgt Stripes: Unless we can get Mom to quit her job.

Snoops: That’s what pays for the kibble and treats.

Sgt Stripes: Rats. Guess I need to take longer naps for a while.

10

The Bears Flying Adventure

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Walking Among Giants': A Writer's Introduction to the Grizzly Bear

Dave and Dottie Bear are planning a family vacation to visit relatives at Yellowstone, a huge National Park in Wyoming. will be traveling with their twin cubs Ethan and Edgar.

Dottie: I’m trying to decide whether it makes more sense to get a suite on the train or try to wrangle the boys in the club car for meals and just get sleeper seats. The sleeper seats are a lot more comfortable.

My favorite ad for the National Parks...love that bear and his backpack!!

Dave: How long does it take there by train?

Dottie: There isn’t anything direct from Northern Michigan. We need to transfer in Detroit. So it’s a little under three days, total.

Dave: That’s a long time for the little guys.

Dottie: Do you want to go someplace closer?

Adorable moment two bears were caught hugging on camera whilst playing | Nature | News | Express.co.uk

Dave: No. Aunt Edna really wants to meet the boys.

Dottie: Then I guess the suite is the better choice.

Dave: Don’t any buses go there?

Dottie: I am not spending 18 hours on a bus with 2 cubs.

Katmai National Park Flight Service (A Review of Bald Mountain Air) - YOUR ALASKAN ADVENTURES

Ethan: I know, Mommy! Let’s fly! (He was holding a toy airplane.)

Edgar: Yeah! That’d be cool! Like on Masha and the Bear.

Dottie: Honey, Masha and Bear have a train, not an airplane.

Edgar: The penguin has a plane cause he has to fly a long way.

China's Harbin Beer Campaign Teams up a Polar Bear and Chimp on a Plane | Branding in Asia

Dottie: Airplanes are really expensive.

Dave: I wonder how much it would cost. Can you check on it?

Dottie: Okay. Let’s see. Round trip on Airbear is more than the train suite. Animal X doesn’t fly there. Let me keep looking. Here’s one that’s reasonable. It’s called Mountain Mover. Have you heard of them?

Dave: I’m looking them up right now. Been in business since 2022. Looks like they were a cargo company before that.

US ends era of emotional support animals on planes

Dottie: It’s run by humans. I don’t think it’s a good idea to use a human company.

Dave: The pictures show animals and humans. They seem pretty happy.

Dottie: Are there any bears?

Dave: No. But that doesn’t mean anything. It won’t hurt to talk to them.

One Mama Bear, Two Cubs, and Three Filmmakers: Disneynature's Bears - The Credits

Dottie and the boys listen to Dave on the phone.

Dave: Hello. I’m interested in a flight from Marquette, Michigan to Yellowstone, Wyoming. I should mention that there would be two adults and two cubs. Yes, we’re black bears. Yes, we’re under 400 pounds each. I guess we’re technically omnivores. No history of attacking anyone. Excellent! I’ll talk it over with my wife. Thank you very much.

Dottie: What did they say?

An Orphanage for Grizzly Bears | Discovery

Dave: They’ve never had bears on board before, but there’s no rules against it. I think we should go for it.

Ethan: Please?

Edgar: Please?

Dottie: I really don’t like the idea of being around humans.

Dave: It’s the cheapest and fastest choice.

Dottie: I guess it makes the most sense.

Watch: Bear tries to get through sliding door to reach food - UPI.com

Their instructions say to arrive at the human airport at least 2 hours before the flight. They hire a BearLyft for the trip.

Driver: Do you know which door you need?

Dave: It’s Mountain Mover, if that helps.

Driver: Let me ask.

Attendant: I don’t know, but they’re not allowed here.

The Two-Second Solution That Keeps Stuff Safe and Bears Wild - BearWise

So it went until they got to the very end. It didn’t look promising, The bears got out and paid the driver.

Dottie (whispering): I told you this was a bad idea.

Dave: Relax. Look, there’s a couple of badgers. And a family of raccoons over there.

Dottie tried to smile at them.

North American raccoon | San Diego Zoo Wildlife Explorers

Edgar: Wow! This place is huge. Where’s our plane?

Dave: It says we have to check our luggage and go through Security.

Ethan: What’s Security?

Dave: I’m not sure. I know it’s supposed to keep us safe on the plane.

Watch: Gatlinburg theme park worker gets bear scare at concession stand

Dave joined the line to check in their luggage. Dottie and the boys sat on a bench nearby.

Agent: Hello, sir. You have a beautiful family.

Dave: Thank you. It’s our first time on an airplane.

Agent: Everything is set. Would you please step on our scales?

Dave: Why? No one else had to.

Weight - North American Bear Center

Agent: Just a formality. We have a passenger weight limit and you are a good-size bear.

Dave hesitated, a little insulted. Then he stepped on.

Agent: Excellent sir, a little under 300 pounds. Must be the fur that makes you look larger. Enjoy your flight.

Two Funny Black Bears Sitting on a Wooden Bench

When Dave got back to Dottie, she and the boys were surrounded by humans. They looked frightened.

Dave: What’s going on here?

Human 1: We’ve never been up close to a bear before.

Child: We want to pet them.

Human 2: Your cubs are incredibly cute.

Dave: Thank you, but you are scaring them. Please move back.

Adorable bear cub siblings hug it out after being reunited

Dottie: Thank goodness you came back. I was afraid they were going to take one of the boys.

Dave: Everything’s fine. Let’s find Security.

They followed the other passengers to a sign that said, Security. Please take off your shoes and have your boarding pass and government ID ready.

Dave: This is not ideal. We don’t have shoes and Michigan doesn’t give bears identification cards.

Bear Feet! | New Journey

Next week: Will the bears get on the flight?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

19

Cat Council: Dealing with Toddler Trauma

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Snoops: I call this meeting of the Cat Council to order. We need to discuss what’s happening in our home.

Kommando: Should we invite the new cats? They’ve been living with the invaders.

Snoops: Nah. They’re still in quarantine. Let’s deal with one problem at a time.

Sgt Stripes: I’m excited. You ladies usually ignore me.

Snoops:  We need all the brain power we can muster. This is huge.

Sgt Stripes: I did some research on the invaders. I love Mr. Google.

Kommando: Did it say anything about why they sound like howler monkeys?

Sgt Stripes: Not that I remember.

Snoops: It’s kinda true. They get started crying and it just gets really loud.

Sgt Stripes: I have noticed that. I can hear them through the floor. And the doors.

Kommando: We can even hear them in the basement.

Snoops: I wonder if they have “off” buttons?

Kommando: We should ask their Mom. Maybe she just needs to find it.

Snoops: Maybe she can find the self-cleaning button too.

Kommando: Yeah. They’re even messier than you when they eat.

Snoops: I’m not messy.

Kommando: You’re the reason we have mats under our bowls.

Snoops: I can’t help it that I have a more delicate face and don’t want it to get full of food.

Kommando: Whatever. At least you don’t leave a trail. I keep crunching crumbs under my paws.

Snoops: They don’t ever leave good stuff either. There’s never any chicken or fish laying around.

Sgt Stripes: They have kinda smelly milk too.

Snoops: I heard it’s called “oat” milk.

Kommando: What kind of cow is an “oat”?

Snoops: I don’t think it’s a cow. It smells weird.

Sgt Stripes: Nothing at all like cat milk.

Kommando: They have stuff in most of our lounging spots too. It’s really hard to get a good spot on the table anymore.

Snoops: Yeah. And there’s stuff on the sofa and chairs too.

Sgt Stripes: Too bad you guys don’t come upstairs. I lost my own bedroom, but they have a couple of beds I use regularly. Besides, when Mom cleaned the spare room, she found a huge comfy cat bed.

Snoops: I think that was mine!

Sgt Stripes: Hmm. Key word is “was”.

Snoops: Don’t give me another reason to dislike you.

Kommando: On the bright side, they’re not as grabby as I thought they might be.

Snoops: That’s true. The bigger one has petted me a couple of times, but that’s it

Sgt Stripes: I try to avoid them. But they don’t chase me, and their Mom pets me. So it’s OK.

Snoops: Yeah. I agree. Not great. But OK.

Kommando: Did Mr. Google tell you anything interesting about them?

Sgt Stripes: I learned a few interesting things:

  • Toddlers don’t really understand that they can hurt us. They don’t know that pulling our tails, or picking us up wrong, or throwing things at us can hurt us.
  • Adult humans shouldn’t leave their toddlers alone with us. They need to teach them the right way to treat us.
  • The big humans should make sure that we don’t get too stressed. If they pay attention, they can remove us before we get into a fight with the toddler.
  • There should always be a safe space for us to go and hide.

Snoops: That stuff all sounds good. Because if someone pulls my tail, I am not going to be a happy cat. and someone is going to know it.

Kommando: I think we should Mom for a new kitty condo to hide in. It seems like the least she could do for us.

Snoops: That’s an excellent idea.

Sgt Stripes: And some shelves to hide on.

Snoops: So we’re all agreed. Mom need to make this up to us.

Agreement all around.

13

A Gator’s Guide to Hurricane Season

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Featured Animals - American Alligator - CMZoo

The school year had just begun, and Suzy and Justine were going through their backpacks retrieving all the paperwork.

Justine: They need you to fill out the emergency contact forms, Mom.

Adele: What happened to last year’s forms?

Suzy: They expired.

Adele: I’ve given them the same information every year since you girls started school. Why can’t they just use that?

Suzy: Guess they want to make sure you and Dad haven’t killed each other over the summer.

Adele: What else?

Brave the Adventure at Gatorland: A Thrilling Experience in Florida - Truck That Beach

Suzy: They’re looking for parent volunteers for the lunch room

Adele: No chance.

Stan: Do they feed me?

Justine: You can chaperone the fall social.

Adele: Nope.

Justine: Want to bake cupcakes?

Adele: Next paper.

Cheeky alligator crashes students' picnic lunch - and then helps himself to sandwich - Mirror Online

Justine: Are we signing up for school lunches?

Adele: I wish. You girls hate the school lunches.

Suzy: It’s not our fault they serve so much mystery protein. They act like alligators will eat anything.

Stan: Uh. Actually, we’re kinda known for that.

Justine: It’s disgusting, Daddy. My body is a temple, and I want to take care of it.

Suzy: Yeah. If I’m going to eat snake, I want to know I’m eating snake. I don’t want it ground up looking like hamburger.

Adele: You two are princesses. No school lunches. What else?

Firefighter Fights To Keep Pizza, Cookie Loving Pet Gator He's Had For 50 Years - YouTube

Suzy: Our first fund-raiser is selling pizzas.

Adele: That doesn’t sound too bad. What are you raising money for?

Suzy: We need new mats in the gym. Apparently someone ate the old ones.

Justine: Eww. Probably had too many school lunches.

Suzy: Here’s the last thing.

American Alligator | Stone Zoo

Adele: A Gator’s Guide to Hurricanes? What’s that?

Justine: It’s part of the new school safety project.

Adele: It says that alligators can sense when a storm is approaching. When the barometric pressure drops, we can feel it in our skin.

Stan: That’s true. Granny always knows when a storm is coming.

Adele: Your mother swears it’s going to be a hurricane every time she gets an ache in one of her joints. Most of the time, it’s just a thunderstorm.

Stan: Those sensors probably don’t work as well inside.

Suzy: I think we should just watch the Weather Channel like everyone else.

Justine: Or the Weather Gator app.

Alligator crawls out of Mobile storm drain

Adele: It says that when we “sense” a bad storm coming, we should seek shelter someplace we can get into and out of easily. They recommend a storm drain.

Justine: It also recommends heading for the water since we can stay under it for a long time.

Suzy: I cannot stay under water. I’d drown.

Justine: You’re supposed to come up once in a while to breathe. Don’t be a doofus.

Adele: They also say the swamp is a good place to hide. We can submerge there.

Suzy: This all sounds really uncivilized. Why can’t we just head inland?

The Alligator in the Backyard: 5 Things to Include in Your Home Quote - Alliance Insurance

Adele: The brochure says that hurricane season is an excellent time to go house-hunting. Particularly if you live in a neighborhood near humans.

Justine: That’s probably true. Most of them leave.

Stan: I think they’d want their houses back after the storm.

Justine: Yeah. They do usually come back. I wonder why they think we would steal someone’s house.

Stan: Or their belongings.

Can Alligators Climb Trees? - Wildlife Informer

Suzy: I think that brochure is crazy. It also says that we can wait out the storm in the hole of a tree or a cave. It makes us sound like barbarians.

Adele: It does seem a little primitive. Where did you say it came from Justine?

Justine: Let me see what it says.

She flipped the brochure over and looked at the back.

Justine: I found the problem. It was written by a human “for the benefit of my reptilian companions.”

Suzy: I knew it! We alligators are much more civilized.

Nice' alligator dons tux, serves as ring bearer in central Pa. wedding - pennlive.com

We wish all our readers in hurricane territory the best during the storm season.

(Pictures courtesy of Google Images. )

13

The Biennial Bears` Bonfire – Part 3

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The Black Bears of the Smokies - Mountain Realty Group

Background: Every two years Zeke, Anthony, Joe, and Benjamin got together for a week-long camping trip at the lake. One of the highlights of the trip was story-time around the bonfire. This year’s topic is “Chance Encounter With Another Species”. It is Anthony’s turn to speak. You can read Zeke’s story here. Anthony’s story is here.

Now it was Joe’s turn to tell his story.

My story is a little different because it’s about a human.

How About No Bear Meme - Imgflip

As you know, they have what they call “hunting season.” They think that as long as it’s the season, they can do whatever they want in our woods. Mainly they seem to tromp around and make a lot of noise. So I hear a couple of them walking around, trying to find whatever it was they were looking for.

Curious Bear by Joe Motohashi | Bear, Bear pictures, Bear photos

They ended up separating to see if they had better luck. I heard a shot, so I assumed they had been successful.

Then I heard one of the humans start yelling. I don’t really understand human very well, so I went closer to see what had happened. One of the humans was bleeding and the other one was leaning over him. My best guess is that the first human got shot somehow.

Petition · Environmental Protection Agency: Change name of a group ...

I thought I should help, so I went closer to offer. I guess it wasn’t a very good idea. The uninjured human tried to shoot me. Luckily, he was a terrible shot. So he started to run.

I couldn’t believe it. He left his friend behind so he could get away. I  guess he doesn’t know black bears are friendly around here.

I looked down at his buddy. He didn’t look so good. I mean humans are kinda funny looking without any fur, but this one looked particularly bad.

10 Philosophical Bears Thinking Deep Bear Thoughts

I didn’t know what to do. On the one paw, he had been out in my woods trying to kill someone. On the other paw, it seemed cruel to leave him there bleeding.

I  decided to drag him over to Dr. Fox. It wasn’t very far, but when the human saw me coming toward him, he fainted. It was a little insulting. After all, he was the one with the gun.

Hey comment a cute fox image if u love foxes | Object Shows Amino

Dr. Fox looked at the human and asked where I found him. I told him the whole story and asked whether he could help the human.

The doctor said that he would clean up the human and pack some herbs into the wound. It had worked on some others patients, but he hadn’t tried it on something so big. It was going to take a lot of herbs. I  said that I would go out and find them while he cleaned up the patient.

Bears Munching on Ants Indirectly Help Plants | Smart News ...

When I got back, it looked like the human was dead. Dr. Fox said not to worry; he had given his patient something to make him sleepy. I had to admit that he did look a lot better cleaned up and sleeping.

I gave Dr. Fox the herbs. He packed the wound with most of them, then made a paste to hold the herbs in place. The doctor asked how I was going to get him home.

Winter Dens - North American Bear CenterNorth American Bear Center

I hadn’t thought about that. I thought he’d be able to go home after Dr. Fox had fixed him. I certainly didn’t want him in my den; he would scare the children. And I had no idea where he lived. Besides, someone would probably try to shoot me again.

I told Dr. Fox that I needed to go home and talk to Ginny (my wife). She said that he could stay overnight, but that was it. We carried him home and made him a nice bed.The kids looked in on him, but weren’t impressed, so they went back to playing.

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We found a phone in his pocket and found a number for “Home.” I couldn’t call them. Most humans don’t understand bear talk. Ginny said we should text them. She sent, “Git me.”

We waited for a response. “Where are you?” Hmm. That was a good question. How would the humans find him? “Lake Vista beach”

Brown bears in Lake Clark National Park, Alaska image - Free stock ...

“I’ll pick you up in the morning.”

We took him over to the lake in the morning and waited with him. A car finally got there, so we waited in the woods. A woman got out of the car and looked at our human. She started crying and called someone. An ambulance arrived a little later. They said they had no idea who would have packed the wound with herbs, but it saved the man’s life.

29 Animals Waving Goodbye For The Winter (With images) | Cute ...

Nexr week: Benjamin’s story

All pictures courtesy of Google Images

19

Animal Resolutions for 2018

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Greetings furry and non-furry friends. We at Cheeseland have discovered that humans do something called “making New Year’s resolutions” this time of year. We weren’t sure what that meant since most of us track time by food or sun. When we looked it up, it said that humans make promises to themselves to improve something about themselves. It also said that most of these promises were broken in a short period of time.

So that explained the shortage of pizza everyone once in a while. And the strange furniture that appeared with the Christmas tree and then went downstairs. It would make funny noises for a little bit and then make a great bed.

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We weren’t sure that animals needed to make resolutions. After all, most of us are pretty close to perfect the way we are. So we send our renowned cat-on-the-street team to interview various animals to see what they could find out.

As expected, most of the animals had no idea what we were talking about. However, a few decided to think about things that would make the humans happier. Names have been changed to prevent ridicule from friends and family.

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Cliff (cat) – I resolve to not to put anymore mice into the human’s shoes. Unless she starts wearing those tail-crunching high heels again. Or irritates me.

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Beverly (hedgehog) – I resolve to not prick my human anymore. Unless she puts her cold hands on my tummy. Or puts a costume on me.

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Josephine (llama) – I resolve not to spit at people. Unless they get too close. Or do annoying human things, like try to pet me when I’m relaxing.

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Ralph (bear) – I resolve not to try to scare campers. Unless they have really yummy food. Or try to catch my salmon. Or try to camp near my berries.

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Mollie (raccoon) – I resolve not to break into people’s houses. Unless it’s really cold. Or they leave food near an open window or door.

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Max (dog) – I resolve not to chew up the pillows. Unless the humans won’t let me sit on the sofa. Or I get bored.

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Those resolutions all sound reasonable to us. And it will be the humans’ fault if they fail.

Perfect.

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All pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

14

April the Giraffe: Motherhood Suits Her

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You might remember us introducing you to April, the pregnant giraffe, back in March. We asked several animals for advice on motherhood and the media. Since then, April has had her baby, and is thriving as a mother. Below is what she had to say when we caught up with her.

Tell us about your son.

His name is Tajiri, which means means hope and confidence in Swahili. My favorite keepers, Allysa and Corey, picked it out. I guess it fits him. He is full of energy and loves to entertain the humans who come to see us.

Has some of the craziness stopped now that you have given birth?

Oh my goodness, no it has been a zoo around here. Oh I made a joke…any way, the humans who watched my butt for 2 months are traveling here to the park to see us. It has been a good thing for my Jordan. He loves us animals so much. This has allowed him to do things he never dreamed of being able to do.

Are you still streaming video and all?

Where can people find it? Yes we are live every day from 4 pm to 8 pm. Our public missed us so much we put the live feed back up. Jordan also goes live to teach about the other animals he has here. The link can be found on the Animal Adventure Park website and Facebook page.

Your baby looked so big when he was born (compared to kittens), how big was he?

He was 5 ft 9 in and weighed almost 150 lbs. He is now 4 months old and is 8 ft tall and weighs 300 lbs. He is a fast growing boy.

What do baby giraffes eat? Does he get treats from the humans? 

Giraffe calves nurse from their moms, but they also sample the hay and feed that the adults eat. Tajiri is starting to take carrots from the humans who come to visit. They make such a fuss over him.

How does he get along with the vet and other humans he sees regularly?

He is learning the right way to behave around humans. He does sometimes act out though, and Allysa has had to scoot out of the way. She is so patient and loves us. She works with Tajiri daily, teaching him to move where she wants him to go and to tolerate human touch.

What types of things do giraffe moms teach their children?

Since we are in the care of humans our job is made easy. We do most things by instinct though. Humans say we have a VERY short attention span so we are always learning and exploring our habitat. Food is our biggest motivation….we love romaine lettuce and carrots.

Do you like showing him off to the humans?

I don’t mind sharing the limelight with him. I trust my humans so I let them in with us right away. He is famous now so Oliver, his Daddy, and I accept that he will get as much attention as we do. He is just so darned cute.

Would you like to have another baby?

I wouldn’t mind having more babies. I’m only 14 and in the care of my humans I could live til my mid 20s or more. Jordan said I had an easy time and am a good mom, so maybe there will be more….stay tuned…it will probably be Giraffe watch 2020…

Is there anything you would like to add?

I guess I don’t understand all the excitement I caused, but I am very glad it has done so much for the Park. All of the attention it has brought to the conservation of Giraffes has been great too.

11

Clarice Kitten and the Dangerous Noms

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Tom and Kate lived in a nice section of the forest with a group of other cats. There were humans close by, but otherwise the location was perfect. Lots of food and a clear stream. One day, they had a litter of kittens.

They were typical kittens, playful and curious. One kitten in particular, Clarice, was into everything. One day, she ran home, all excited.

Clarice: Guess what! I discovered a different kind of food!

Kate: Really dear? And what is that?

Clarice: I’m not sure. But it’s really yummy!

Kate: Why don’t you show me this food. Maybe I’ll know what it is.

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Clarice led Kate to where she had found the food. It was at the edge of the woods near a house. She pointed to an old log.

Clarice: It came from under there.

Kate: What did it look like?

Clarice: It was small and furry. It had a long tail and sharp teeth.

Since that described the majority of the food Kate had been teaching Clarice to catch, the description wasn’t very helpful.

Kate: I guess I’ll have to see one to let you know. But you need to find one closer to home. This is too close to the humans. They might see you.

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Clarice: What’s wrong with that? Will they hurt me?

Kate: You’re such a beautiful kitten, they might want you to live with them instead of here with us.

Clarice didn’t understand why her mother would care about that. Of course Clarice would never leave her family. Then she heard a strange sound. Her mother became fully alert.

Human: Oh look. The pretty kitty came back! And she brought a friend! Wait right there and I’ll bring you a treat.

Kate was horrified. She had been right. Clarice had gone too close to the humans, and now the woman had seen both of them. Before she could tell Clarice to run, the woman was back.

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Woman: Here kitty, kitty. You must be hungry. Look at the tasty noms I brought you.

Kate was offended. How dare that woman imply that she let her kittens go hungry. But Clarice was fascinated.

Clarice: Mama, what’s a nom? Maybe it’s one of the animals I caught earlier. Let’s go see.

Kate: Clarice! Run!

Kate raced back into the woods. Clarice was confused, but ran after her. When they reached home, Kate finally stopped to explain.

Kate: Clarice, you can’t ever go back there. Noms are what humans call the food they use to try to catch cats.

Clarice: Why would they want to catch cats?

Kate: I’m not sure, but we’ve lost a few neighbors that way. And they particularly like kittens.

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Clarice went to bed soon after the conversation. She had nightmares about humans chasing her. In the morning, she vowed to never go near the humans again.

But soon her curiosity got the better of her and she went to the edge of the forest. After a couple of days, the woman saw her again. The next day, there was a bowl of food just out of the forest. Clarice tried it. It was delicious. She ran home.

Clarice: Mama! Mama! I knew you were wrong!

Kate: Clarice! What are you talking about?

Clarice: The human! She left food out and it was delicious. And she didn’t come near me.

Kate: I told you not to go near the humans.

Clarice: It’s OK. She won’t hurt me.

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A few days later, Kate heard a terrible yowling and crying. She ran to the edge of the woods in time to see the human pick up a cage with Clarice in it. She watched in horror as Clarice was carried into the house. All night, the cats could hear Clarice crying.

In the morning, Kate watched as the human carried Clarice’s cage and put it in some kind of machine. The human got in too, and they disappeared. Kate sat there for hours wondering where they had taken her kitten.

Finally, the machine returned. Kate was relieved to find out that the woman had brought Clarice back. Clarice was still crying, but she sounded tired. Kate ran back to the other cats, determined to find a way to rescue her kitten.

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Kate: They still have Clarice. We have to save her.

Tom: How are we supposed to do that?

Kate: I don’t know. But we have to do something. Let’s ask Frank. He knows a lot about humans. He can help us.

Kate and Tom found Tom, and Kate explained what has happened to Clarice. Frank listened with a worried expression.

Frank: That’s terrible. You know, the humans think they know more than we do about what is best for our kittens. Let’s go see what we can do.

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To be continued…

(Ed. note – Cat Forum with Alberto from Feline Opines was supposed to run next week. However, Clarice’s story turned out to be longer than we expected. Not to worry. Alberto will get his full say in two weeks – August 19)

all pictures courtesy of Google Images