8

Cat Forum: What is a Moggy?

Today we are taking a break from our interviews with the totally pawsome cats we have met. But don’t worry. They’ll be back next month when we talk to the folks at Three Chatty Cats.

Mom finally brought home a decent book. It’s called Catopedia: A Fascinating Collection of Feline Curiosities. It’s all about cats, so of course it’s fascinating. Unlike those human books she usually gets.

Snoops: So Kommando, what did you think of the Catopedia?

Kommando: It was really good, but it needed better editing.  A lot of the words were misspelled. Too many “u’s” and “s” where there should have been some other letter.

Snoops: That’s because the lady who wrote it, Justine Hankins, is British.

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Kommando: That’s like English, right? Like the language? If the lady is from the same place as the language, why can’t she spell right?

Snoops: Moving along, what else do you remember?

Kommando: Well, I didn’t think it was very nice of her to insult us.

Snoops: She doesn’t even know us.

Kommando: It doesn’t matter. She called us moggies.

Snoops: That’s not an insult. It just means we don’t have pedigrees.

Kommando: Nope. You’re wrong. Look at what it says on page 66: “Initially a variant on the woman’s name Maggie, a name which was given to cows from the 18th century and was also used to describe a scruffy woman.” I am not a cow. Nor am I scruffy.

Snoops: It’s nothing personal. I’m sure if she met you, she’d know you were a cat.

Kommando: That’s not the point. Did you notice that it rhymes with doggy? She better not come over here and call me that. I’ll shed on her.

Snoops: I’ll be sure to let her know. I thought it was really interesting that in the 10th century King Hywel Dda of Wales said that if you killed someone’s cat you had to pay them enough grain to physically cover the whole cat.

Kommando: Wow. I wonder what I’d be worth?

Snoops: Less than me. I’m bigger.

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Kommando: It probably would have been better to have been a mouser for the Royal Mail. The book says that they were paid a shilling a week between 1868 and 1984. Just think, if all those cats put their money together they could have bought land. By the end, they would have had enough to get one of those seats in government.

Snoops: I don’t think they sell government seats.

Kommando: Are you sure?

Snoops: I was a little disappointed to see that the 10 Cat Museums they listed didn’t have a single one that is run by a cat.

Kommando: Probably because the book is for people. People aren’t interested in the good stuff.

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Snoops: People are a little weird sometimes.

Kommando: Did you see that Kitty Litter was invented by a guy here in Michigan?

Snoops: Good thing since Mom and Dad won’t let us go outside.

Kommando: Yeah. But now they make it out of clay, wood pellets, recycled paper, silica gel (whatever that is, it sounds disgusting, like going on Jello), walnut shells and whole kernel corn.

Snoops: Walnut shells and whole corn? What about our delicate little paws?

Kommando: I wonder if the humans have tried going on it?

Snoops: Probably not. They seem to like that soft stuff on a roll.

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Kommando: Did you notice that Queen Victoria likes cats? That’s good for us.

Snoops: It would be if she wasn’t dead. The current one is a dog person.

Kommando: That’s unfortunate.

Snoops: It’s OK. A lot of the government buildings have official mousers. Those cats live in nice houses.

Kommando: I guess those British people are OK.

Rating: Image result for cat paw drawingImage result for cat paw drawingImage result for cat paw drawingImage result for one half

(Kommando refused to give two paws up to a book that called her a cow.)

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Proceeds from the sale of the Catopedia go to the Battersea Dogs and Cats Home in London, est.1860. If you are interested, you can learn more about them here.

(pictures courtesy of Google Images – except the one of us)

3

Vox Animalibus*

*Voice of the Animals

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Angus McFluffin

 

We received a lot of feedback from our recent article, Cat Forum: Interview with Abby. We thought that we would share some of it with you.

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Princess Pawsome: I enjoyed your recent interview with Abby. I thought it was very interesting to hear from such a nice dog. Perhaps in the future, you could do interviews with other animals. Maybe you could talk to a bird or a fish.

(Thank you for your idea. We will put that in our file for further research.)

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Muffy Manx: I think that Abby sounds like a very sweet doggy. However, I read Cat Forum to learn about cats and cat stuff. I don’t think dogs fit in either of those categories. If you do something similar in the future, maybe you could call it “Animal Forum” or something so I will know not to read it.

(Thank you for your feedback. We apologize if we created any confusion.)

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Maxx Katt: Thank you for your recent Cat Forum about Abby. I read it to my girls and they loved it. However, now they want to get a dog. I have no idea where to look. Would you please advise?

(We have never actually had a dog in-house. However, we recommend that you try the local shelter.)

Probably the most unusual feedback we got came from a dog:

Louie Dog: I don’t get how a nice dog like Abby would get caught up with a group like you. I know Abby, and I can’t believe she’d talk to a bunch of cats. Cats! I hate cats.

Needless to say, Snoops and Kommando Kitty were pretty upset by Louie. But since we are an equal opportunity organization, we decided to give Louie the chance to explain himself.

Snoops and Kommando refused to talk to him. So we put our new investigative reporter, Angus MacFluffin. on the job. His interview follows.

Is it true that you hate cats?

Well, it’s not that I hate them. They’re just so funny looking and easy to chase.

Have you ever met a cat?

Actually I live with 3 cats. They really don’t care for me due to the fact that I look at them as targets to chase!! Hahahahahahahhaaha

Rumor has it that you have used controlled substances. Is that true?

Well see my extravagant human mom smokes constantly and I love to smell her tubes and bags. I can’t help it – they smell so good!!!! I love to roll around in her empty bags!

Do you think that it’s has any impact on your opinion of things?

No, I don’t. I think helps out a lot people and dogs. It helps my mom’s moods… she yells A LOT.

What breed of dog are you? Do you consider yourself a large dog?

I am a handsome fluffy full of p*** and vinegar 24/7 Shitzu. I have a large macho man personality! I’m very aggressive with my woman Roxie and she’s a German Shepard!

Do you get along with other dogs?

Well like I said I have a woman. It’s a cougar thing – she’s very old. And we have a roommate named Rascal. He’s a pug, and he’s off the charts of being on the weird side. I only like these 2 dogs; others I don’t pay no mind to.

What about other animals?

I wouldn’t know. I’ve only came across cats and dogs.  But mom keeps asking me about an iguana…. whatever the h*** that thing is.

Do you always have such a strong opinions about things?

Yes I do. I hate it when my mom doesn’t let me always have my way!!!! I get very, very vocal with her even though I’m going to get yelled at and my cookies taken from me!! Seriously – the cookies??

Do you think your human has any impact on the way you feel about things?

No – I really don’t know – she’s crazy – even though – we clash but I know she means well… FYI SHES SO D*** LOUD! She keeps saying it’s a Leo thing like I’m supposed to know what that means. Hahahaha

Is there anything else you’d like to add?

No there isn’t. But I read Abby’s interview and I loved it. That’s my home girl even though she don’t ever wanna play with me!! Love her human, though. Wendy’s so nice to me!

(ed. note –  We will not be interviewing any more dogs for Cat Forum.)

 

6

Piranhas are Not Good Neighbors – Part 2

To find the first part of the story, look here.

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Dave and Christine took their daughter Sara to the Emergency Room to make sure there were no serious injuries. Once they cleaned up her fur, there wasn’t too much damage. One cut that needed a couple of stitches was about it.

Once they were home and Sara was in bed, Dave and Christine started talking about Buzz.

Dave: The man is a nightmare. The piranhas are bad enough. But he’s helping the humans destroy capybara land. He’s an embarrassment to our species. I’m going to talk to the lawyers tomorrow to see what we can do.

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Christine: All those poor capybaras. I wonder what’s happening to them.

Dave (sarcastically): Don’t ask Buzz. He’s probably selling them to tourists as pets.

Christine: Don’t even joke about that.

The next morning, Christine and her friends got together to talk and watch their children play. Of course, the main topic was Buzz.

Priscilla: How is Sara? She looked pretty scared last night.

Christine: She’s fine. Of course, she’s not happy that they had to shave her fur to put in the stitches. I told her it would grow back, but I don’t think she believes me.

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Sue (giggling): Did you smell him yesterday? I couldn’t imagine what he had gotten into his fur. I took him aside and told him that he might want to wash it off. I was trying to be discreet. Do you know what he said?

(They shook their heads.)

Sue: He said it was called cologne. He got it from a human. Then he asked me if I had noticed that his fur was extra shiny. He said there was something called gel in it. I think he wants to be human.

(They all laughed. Then they heard a soft voice behind them.)

Babette: Excuse me.

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Christine (embarrassed): Babette! How nice of you to stop by.

Babette: Please call me Julie. I hate that name. Anyway, I wanted to see how Sara was doing. I brought her a ball. I feel terrible about what happened last night. I told Frank those fish were an awful idea.

(Christine took the ball and smiled at Julie.)

Christine: It’s OK. Men get strange ideas sometimes.

Julie: Well, I hope his humans enjoy the fish stew I sent over. Those piranhas won’t be bothering anyone else.

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(The women laughed.)

Darlene: Isn’t Buzz going to be angry?

Julie: I don’t care anymore. I don’t even recognize the capybara I fell in love with. He was so sweet and loving. He wouldn’t hurt a flea.

Christine: So what happened?

Julie: He went to one of those seminars that teach you how to make millions as a salesman. He decided that was what he was meant to do. Unfortunately it was run by a logging company. He fell in with a bad bunch of humans, and that was it.

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Priscilla: I’m so sorry.

Julie: That’s OK. I just wish he’d never started all this. I can’t make him see that the money isn’t that important.

Priscilla: Doesn’t it bother him that he’s hurting his own kind?

Julie: He was really torn up about it at the beginning. But now he spends so much time with the humans that he doesn’t even think about it. I wish I could destroy that company and move back near my friends in Coconut Shores.

(She starts to cry. Sue tries to comfort her.)

Sue: Hmmm. I was an accountant before I had Charlie. I wonder what would happen if Buzzco had its books audited. Who’s in charge of his recordkeeping?

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Julie: I used to do it, but since he started making so much money he won’t let anyone else touch the accounts.

Sue: I thought that might be the case. Let me talk to some friends.

(Later that night, Christine and Dave were talking.)

Christine: Did you talk to the lawyer?

Dave: Yeah. There’s not really anything we can do. Apparently everything Buzzco does is legal, if unethical. And it’s not illegal to be a slimeball.

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Christine: I think Sue has an idea. She’s going to try to get his financial records audited. Julie says he won’t let anyone else look at them.

Dave: Julie? You mean Babette?

Christine: She wants to be Julie and move back home. She’s very sweet and totally fed up with Buzz. She wants Frank back.

Dave: Is she sure she wants him?

Christine: Apparently he was a nice guy before he got rich. I almost forgot – she turned his piranhas into stew and sent it to his human friends.

Dave (laughing): I guess she is all right. We can wait to see if Sue’s right.

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One day, Dave saw Buzz down by the water.

Dave: So Buzz, how’s life in the fast lane?

Buzz: Not so good.

Dave: What’s wrong?

Buzz: I’m losing my company. Buzzco’s history.

Dave (trying to hide his excitement): What happened?

Buzz: Turns out it wasn’t such a good idea to do my own accounting.  Apparently capybaras aren’t allowed to keep their money in human banks. Some stupid tax rule. The taxes I owe to the humans wiped out the company. Julie was right – I never should have trusted them.

Dave: So what are you going to do?

Buzz: We’re going back to Coconut Cove. My brother has a construction company. Guess I’m back to being Frank.

Dave: How’s Julie with all this?

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Frank: She’s thrilled. She’s been missing her old friends. She even told me what happened to the piranhas. I never really believed that someone took them because they were jealous.

The capybaras threw a wonderful going-away party. They all promised to keep in touch. And they laugh when they hear a bee buzzing.

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7

Piranhas Are Not Good Neighbors

 

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Copa Cove is an exclusive capybara community, complete with a gate and 24-hour security. Most of the residents are executives at one of the eco-tourism companies or the tourism bureau. It was incredible how many humans come in just to see the capybaras. You’d think they had never seen a very large rodent in a tie before.

One spring morning, a new family moved in. There were two adults and two children. As the neighbors looked on in horror, the newcomers unpacked a raft and beach toys. And they were plastic!

The neighborhood planned a party to welcome the new residents. Everyone gathered by the water munching on crispy greens when they arrived. The male introduced himself as Frank.

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Frank: Hello, neighbors! Name’s Frank, but you can call me Buzz.  Like in Buzzco. That’s my company. I’ll get to it in a minute. This here’s my wife. Her name’s Julie, but you can call her Babette. Get it? Buzz and Babette. Sounds good together, doesn’t it?

(His children were standing by looking mortified. The neighbors were trying not to.)

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Buzz: These are my children, Ben and Betty. Hoping to get them into the family business. No luck so far, but they’re young. Now let me tell you about Buzzco. It’s my company and my pride and joy. Has anyone heard of it?

(Blank stares)

Buzz: That’s OK. We’re small, but we’re growing every day. That’s how we can afford to live like. Remember the name: Buzzco.

Priscilla (when Buzz finally took a breath): That sounds very, uh, nice. What exactly do you do at Buzzco?

Buzz: I’m glad you asked. We’re a marketing company that specializes in land development companies. Get it? Buzzco? Like when a tree comes down?

(The group looks horrified.)

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Carl: You do understand that you’re taking land from capybaras, don’t you?

Buzz: Don’t worry, there’s plenty of land left.

Carl: But they have to leave their homes.

Buzz: We’re a hardy species.

Carl: I wouldn’t want to move because someone destroyed my home.

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Buzz: Don’t worry. Won’t happen. You don’t think I’d move somewhere they’re about to level, do you?

(Dead silence)

Darlene (trying to sound normal): Well, we should probably get to eating before the grasses wilt.

(Relieved, everyone moved to the water. The talk turned to the weather, children, and other general topics. The party soon broke up. There was work in the morning. Before they left, Buzz had one final thing to say.)

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Buzz: You were so nice to us tonight, I’d like to invite you over on Saturday for brunch. That work for everybody?

Pete (with some hesitation): Hmm. That would be fine. We’ll see you then.

(No one knew what to expect when they got to Buzz’s. They were pleasantly surprised. The home was tastefully decorated and looked completely organized. Obviously, Babette ran the house. Buzz came from the backyard.)

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Buzz: C’mon everyone. I have something to show you.

(They followed him back. He pointed to a large hole filled with water. His neighbors looked at him, puzzled.)

Buzz: It’s called a pool. I got the idea from the humans. They swim in them. I figured I’d try it.

(While he was extolling the virtues of having a pool, the children were running around. Suddenly the adults heard a splash and screaming. A small capybara had fallen into the pool. Her father Dave rushed over and pulled her out. She was bleeding in several places.)

Dave (puzzled): How did you get cut falling in the water, honey?

Daughter: There are a lot of sharp things in there.

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(Dave looked at Buzz.)

Buzz: Sorry. Haven’t had time to put up a fence yet. Didn’t think about someone falling in.

Dave: What’s in the pool?

Buzz: Piranhas. Love the little guys. They have that killer instinct. Would make good businessmen.

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Dave: You have piranhas in a pool that anyone could fall into?

Buzz: Actually, I’m surprised there was a problem. I’ve never been bitten. Of course, a child is a lot smaller. She probably frightened them. I should look into it.

Dave (between clenched teeth): And we need to look into getting rid of you.

(Buzz was too wrapped up in his fish to hear.)

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To be continued…

23

Cat Forum: Interview with Dezi and Raena

(ed. note – We would like to apologize for being late this week. Cat had trouble with the picture file. Life would be much simpler if someone else around here had opposable thumbs. Humans can be so difficult to work with.)

Greetings from Snoops and Kommando Kitty. We have a totally pawsome interview this month. Know how everybody’s always talking about service dogs? Well, we have a couple of service cats, and they are amazing. They are sisters Dezi and Raena, and you can find them giving service tips every Monday and other fun stuff the rest of the week on their own blog.

What is a service cat?

Dezi: Dat’s a great question Kommando and Snoops. Fanks fur havin’ us fur an innerview; we’re so excited to be here. Technically da ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) doesn’t recognize kitties as Service Animals. They only recognize Seeing Eye dogs, Alert dogs and search and rescue dogs. Da definition of a Service Animal is: A dog (animal) that is individually trained to do work or perform tasks for a person with disabilities.

A Service animal should not be confused with or compared to a Therapy animal or Emotional Support animal. The latter two require no specific training and can be pretty much any species of animal dat a person considers comforting. Ifin you follow our blog, you know dat we are individually trained to purrform work to help mommy live independently. Da work/tasks we purrform should not be confused with “tricks”. While we do purrform on command for mommy, we don’t give shows or purrform in any manner dat would imply what we are doin’ is a learned trick. Most of our tasks require us to think and decide to act without bein’ asked or ordered too.

Is it a full-time job?

Dezi: It’s absolutely a full time job. We have to be ready any time day or night. Ifin mommy needs us, we’re there. We think we live like normal cats. We nap, play, watch da occasional bird or squirrel teevee and scratch just like any other cat would. Da only difference is, ifin mommy were to fall or we sense dat she is goin’ to pass out, we stop whatever we’re doin’ and run to her aid. We all sleep when mommy sleeps. Dat’s kinda how we make up fur any nap time we miss.

Raena: Who could sleep thru mommy fallin’ sissy? Ya’ know she’s really tall and it’s a long way to da floor. And mommy ain’t no ballerina.

Dezi: Raena!!!

Raena: What? Mommy says it herself. Movin’ on…

Do you both work at the same time?

Dezi: There are lots of times when we both work at da same time. Meownin’ massages, night time massages, shower duty and those times when mommy gets dizzy or trips and falls. Sis Lexi and me would offen work together to bring mommy bigger items dat were too heavy fur one kitty. Sis Raena and me aren’t dat coordinated yet. But she’s still young, so there’s purrlenty of time fur dat down da road.

What do you do in your spare time?

Raena: I’s wanna answer furst sissy. Can I’s take this one?

Dezi: Me guesses Raena. But ‘member, this is an innerview, and not your purrsonal story time.

Raena: I’s know. Kittens!!! You’d think I’s was born yesfurday. Hmmpht Mines birthday is comin’ up soon tho’. Anyways, we do cat things in our spare time. Ya’ know, like any good feline, we luv nappin’ and playin’. I’s like to play more than sis Dezi, but mommy says it’s just cuz I’s still a kitten. I’s think sis Dezi is sometimes just a furry fuddy duddy.

Dezi: RaenaBelle Mayce!!! You take dat back!!! Me likes to play just as much as da next kitty.

Raena: Sorry sissy. You sure can be sensitive. (Dezi darts a glare towards Raena) I said I’s was sorry sissy.

Dezi: Just wait Raena. You won’t know when or how…just wait.

Mommy A: Girls! That’s enough, Get along and be nice to your gracious interviewers.

You’re both so beautiful. Does it take a lot of daily grooming?

Raena: Y, Fanky fank ya’. You’re so sweet. Bein’ Ragdolls, we don’t have an undercoat. Peeps say our fur is similar to rabbit fur cuz it’s so soft and doesn’t mat. But I’s do luvs a good brushin’. Mommy knows just where to brush to get mines purr motor runnin’ full blast. I’s have some purretty long bloomers dat occasionally get a little dirty. I’s not a big fan of havin’ mommy wash me up, but at least I’s don’t have to do it. (shivers) Yucky

Dezi: Me isn’t crazy ‘bout brushin’, but every once in while me will tolerate it cuz mommy seems to really enjoy it. Me hasn’t had those dirty bloomers in quite some time, so fankfully mommy doesn’t have to clean me up anymore. Generally speakin’ Ragdolls are purretty low maintenance, considerin’ all our furs.

What’s your favorite thing to do with your human?

Dezi: Me luvs spendin’ time with mommy doin’ anythin’. We sometimes have mommy and Dezi days out, where she takes me with her on her errands. Me’s workin’ of course, but we also have lots of fun. And me always gets extra special treats.

Raena: I’s luvs bein’ with mommy. Whatever she wants to do, I’s in. I’s luvs Raena and mommy days out too. She puts me in da stroller and away we go. We go on lots of adventures and see lots of peeps and places. And I’s always get special treats. I’s luvs treats. Did you ask ‘bout dat? No? Well I’s luvs me some treats fur sure.

Is it safe enough there to go outside without your human?

Dezi: We live in a small town and kinda out in da country. We have a big wooded area right behind our ‘pawrtment dat be home to Wild Bobcats, Coons (raccoons), Armadillos, Opawsoms (opossums), Foxes, accordin’ to da manager whose doggy was attacked while she watched, Wolves/Coyotes, Rattlesnakes and many other wild creatures. In da skies and trees are lots of Birds of Prey, and then theirs da neighborhood dogs. Peeps ‘round here let their anipals run loose. It’s against da law, but they do it anyways. Most of these anipals wander ‘round our complex and are fed by da elderly residents. So goin’ outside without mommy could be deadly. When da weather’s good, mommy takes us out in our stroller so we can get some furesh air and sunshine. We don’t get too many sun puddles in da house cuz of our small windows and da way they face. So we really enjoy our strolls.

Do you have access to cat TV so you can see what is going on outside?

Dezi: A few years ago we were given an amazing cat tree. Mommy put it beside da front door in front of da livin’ room window, so we could look out when we wanted. We also have a kitten purrch dat mommy puts right in front of da door. We can look out ifin we want, but we live in a complex fur elderly and disabled peeps, so there’s not much action goin’ on outside. We used to have hummingbird feeders. We luvved watchin’ da hummers in da spring and summer. But da wasps kinda overtook them and mommy be deathly ‘lergic, so da feeders had to go bye bye.

Where is your favorite place to sleep?

Raena: It’s mines turn sissy. We both luvs to sleep on da cat tree durin’ da day. But at nighttime, when mommy goes to sleep, we wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else than by her side. We have a hospital bed, so we all squish together and cuddle fur as long as mommy can sleep.

We hear your human has an inside garden. Do you get to help?

Raena: I’s luvs mommy’s new garden. She got it fur Christmas from one of our pawsum awnties, and it was just what da doctor ordered. Mommy luvs salads but can’t afford to buy lettuce at da store. So now, she can just grow her own. I’s keep a real close eye on how everythin’ be doin’. Ya’ might have heard some stories ‘bout me removin’ a few caps or pods, but dat just isn’t true.

Dezi: RaenaBelle!!! Tell da truth. We are kitties of high standards and beyond reproach. We don’t lie.

Raena: Oh sissy, I’s was just kiddin’. I’s did learn mines lesson, and I’s don’t bother da garden anymore. I’s just keep a close eye on it all. Ya’ know, mommy needs me to tell her when to remove those cool caps or add water and stuffs. Besides, you actually ate some of da dill.

Dezi: Me was prunin’ it Raena. Dat’s all. Besides, mommy says, prunin’ makes it grow bigger and better. So me was actually helpin’. (Dezi rolls her eyes and in an exasperated voice) Sisfurs!!! (shakes her head)

Do you have anything else you’d like to say?

Dezi and Raena: Fank you so much Snoops and Kommando Kitty fur havin’ us fur an innerview. Besides our blog, we’re on all da social media channels, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. And we’ve even got a YouTube channel, ifin any of your readers would like to keep up with us. We always luv makin’ new furiends. And, ifin anypawdy would like to know the specifics ‘bout the differences in Service Animals, Therapy Animals and Emotional Support Animals they can see da Service Animal tab on da menu at our blog. Ya’ll wanna go play now?

The girls are just as much fun at their own site. We’re sure you’d like playing with them.

2

Advice for April

If you haven’t heard, there’s a live stream from New York that the humans are all watching. It’s April the giraffe who’s due to give birth any day. She lives at Animal Adventures Park in Harpursville, New York. We have no idea why humans would spend their time watching a giraffe walk round a pen, but humans are strange. We briefly spoke with April to get her thoughts.

Cheeseland: How long have the humans been watching?

April: I really don’t know. It feels like forever. They’re always around, and they never stop talking.

Cheeseland: Why do you think you’re so popular?

April: One of the vets said that the humans want to see me give birth.

Cheeseland: Seriously?

April: Can you believe it? It’s such a personal moment, and all those people want to watch.

Cheeseland: Some people put really personal stuff of their own out there for everyone to see.

April: Ewww. Humans are so weird.

 

We decided to talk to some of the cats whose videos have gone viral. We asked them to share what happened after their moment of fame. Names and faces have been altered to protect their privacy.

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Max

Famous for: Pushing a dog into a pool

Aftermath: The humans thought I was hilarious and posted it. The dog was not amused. He kept trying to get even and push me into the pool. He ended up skidding into the pool several times. That was hilarious. I wish the humans had been around. Now he just sits in a chair by the pool.

Advice: People will leave you alone after a while. Just don’t let them put a panda-cam on the baby.

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Sheba

Famous for: Jumping out from behind a sofa and scaring a child

Aftermath: The big humans laughed but the little human wouldn’t stop crying. Human Mom had to pick her up and told her I was a bad kitty. The little beast called me “bad kitty” for days. She’s lucky I’m not really a bad kitty.

Advice: Don’t trust what the humans say while the camera is on. And never agree to a panda-cam for the baby. The poor thing will have no privacy.

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Alex

Famous for: Getting stuck in the cat door

Aftermath: The humans said I was fat. They made me eat disgusting food that gave me gas and wouldn’t let me have treats. I was hungry all the time and was really grumpy. They finally gave up and let me have my food back. They also discovered they had installed the cat door wrong.

Advice: Break the camera. They’re going the save the most embarrassing parts because they think you’re “cute”. And no panda-cam!

Image result for cats and water

Amelia

Famous for: fishing an ice cube out of a glass of water

Aftermath: They acted so impressed while the camera was on. I don’t know why. Ice cubes are not good prizes. I got my paw wet for something that I couldn’t eat, and they wouldn’t let me play with it. Not only that, they won’t let me around their water anymore.

Advice: Don’t trust humans. Particularly if they want to put your baby on a panda-cam.

 

We hope the advice helps April. We couldn’t understand why pandas with cameras were such a problem. We never see pandas around here, with or without cameras.

So we looked up Panda Cam on Google, and found this (and several others):

https://nationalzoo.si.edu/webcams/panda-cam

with a clip from YouTube:

 

They’re right April. Beware the panda-cam!

 

 

6

Are Aardvarks Anteaters?

Image result for aardvark

Greetings from Les Sloth. You may have heard that Cat wants each of us to write about an animal that may be less well-known to our readers. To be perfectly honest, it seems kind of silly. How do we know what you know?

Anyway, I decided to look through an animal directory to find something with an interesting name. The first thing I came across was the aardvark. I didn’t know anything about aardvarks, so I decided to interview one. If the readership is full of aardvark specialists, I apologize for not choosing a more unique creature.

Image result for aardvark

The first thing I discovered is that they are nocturnal, which is bad. The second thing I learned is that they live in sub-Saharan Africa, which is good. Day in Costa Rica (where I live) is night in Africa. So we would both be awake, which is good.

I spoke with a very pleasant aardvark named Mel. Actually, I can’t pronounce his real name, so he said to call him Mel. The conversation started a little strangely.

Mel: Greetings from Malawi. It is very nice to speak with you.

Les: Thank you for taking the time.

Mel: I only have one ground rule. Do not ask me about Arthur or any of the other aardvark cartoons the humans have on your side of the world.

Image result for aardvark drawing

(I had no idea what he was talking about, so I agreed not to talk about them.)

Les: Can you tell me a little about yourself?

Mel: I am built sturdily. About 150 pounds, 7 feet long (including tail). I am pale gray with extremely tough skin and sparse fur. My back legs are longer than my front legs.

Image result for aardvark

Les: Wow. That’s about twice my size.

Mel: Yes, but we don’t have your extremely nice-looking fur coats.

Les: That’s very kind of you to say. Do you have a family?

Mel: We are expecting our first child in late spring. It will be an exciting time for us. Of course, it will share its mother’s burrow for the first year.

Image result for aardvark

Les: Congratulations! What types of things do you like to eat?

Mel: We mainly eat ants and termites. There is also an aardvark cucumber that is very tasty. I’m told that there is something called an avocado that is popular in the States.

Les: So you’re an anteater? We have anteaters over here. In fact, they are close relatives of sloths. Maybe we’re cousins or something.

Mel: Actually I am an ant eater. I eat ants.

Image result for aardvark

Les: Anteaters eat ants. And termites. And they look a bit like an aardvark.

Image result for anteater

Mel: That is all true. But it is a coincidence. We are the last surviving branch of a prehistoric African family tree.

Les: So you are an ant (pause) eater, not an anteater.

Mel: Exactly!

Les (disappointed): So I guess we’re not related.

Mel: That’s true. But I would like very much to keep in touch as friends. You seem very nice.

Les: Thank you! I’ve enjoyed talking with you as well. Take care of yourself. Don’t get eaten.

Image result for predatory animals

Mel: I wish you survival as well. Farewell for now.

Mel had been so nice that I am sorry we are not related. I did get his address. As soon as I’m done here, I’m going to get online with Amazon and send him some ants. I should have asked if he has a favorite type.

Image result for edible ants

(all pictures courtesy of Google Images)