Category Archives: Humor

16

Charlemagne T Persian, Grill Master – Part 2

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Will Those Holiday Leftovers Poison Your Cat? - CatGazette

Where we are: Charlemagne (Charlie) received a grill for Father’s Day and loves using it. He’s impressed family and friends with his skill on fish and burgers. Now he’s looking for a new challenge. He has invited several people over for a new experience: grilled turkey. His wife Maggie isn’t sure it’s a good idea. You can read Part 1 here. 

Tommy: Dad! Can I help you with the turkey?

Charlie: Sure! First thing, I need to figure out how to get it on the grill. I had no idea they got so big.

Tommy: That thing is huge! It’s almost as big as you are.

Charlie: I know. They looked a lot smaller in the pictures.

21-step Guide On How To Cook With Cats | Bored Panda

Tommy: I thought up a slogan for you: “The thrill is in the grill.”

Charlie: I like it! Maybe I’ll get that on an apron.

Celeste: Daddy, are you making a butterfly turkey or a regular turkey?

Tommy: Why would he make a turkey out of butterflies? That sounds disgusting!

Celeste: You don’t make it out of butterflies. That’s just what you call it when you cut it up before you put it on the grill.

Charlie: Where did you hear about that?

Dont Show Your Cat on Twitter: "little chef https://t.co/k5lGH40Wrw" / Twitter

Celeste: Angelina at school. Her brother is a gourmet chef, so she thinks she knows everything. She says it’s the only way to cook a turkey on a grill.

Charlie: Hmm. Never heard of it.

Maggie: I’m not sure I trust you with a large knife.

Charlie: Please. I’m a pure-bred cat. I can handle a knife. Celeste, find me the instructions for a butterfly turkey.

Celeste (looking on her phone): It says it’s called spatchcocking. It looks kind of complicated.

Tommy: Maybe we should just drag the whole thing over and dump it on the grill.

Charlie: Why should we do this spatching thing?

Why Is My Cat Sniffing Everything All Of A Sudden? - Cats.com

Celeste: The video says it takes less time to cook and it cooks more evenly.

Maggie: Less time on the grill is appealing. Didn’t you say it was going to take hours? You’ll never get the smell out of your fur.

Tommy: Smelling like a smoked turkey would be amazing!

Celeste: Eww!

They all watched the video with Celeste.

Maggie: I don’t think this is a good idea. Look at all that cutting.

Charlie was enthralled.

Charlie: I’m doing it. That looks amazing. I can be a gourmet grill-cat.

Before my mom leaves the house, she sets up the kindle so the cat can watch bird videos in bed. : r/aww

Maggie: You’re an executive at a software company. Kitties love your chase games. You don’t need to be a grill-cat.

Charlie: This is going to be amazing. Tommy, let’s get the bird. I have to get started.

Maggie and Celeste decided it would be a good time to sun-bathe. They heard the sound of the turkey being dragged across the kitchen followed by a large “plop!” as they headed outside.

Charlie: You’re in charge of the social media, Tommy. I want all of this recorded. It’s gonna be impressive.

Tommy: You got it, Dad. We can edit it later.

Splitting the turkey was a lot more work than Charlie anticipated. Because he had to hold the knife between his paws, it was a long series of stabs. Finally he thought it was ready.

Charlie: Okay, Tommy. I’m going to grab one side and you grab the other. On the count of three, pull hard.

They put their paws into the cuts and pulled back. Nothing happened.

Felt cute... Might kill my owner later : r/cats

Charlie: Guess I need a few more cuts.

He stabbed the turkey a few more times before they tried pulling again. Still nothing. Charlie was getting annoyed. He started stabbing harder.

Charlie: Let’s try again.

They braced themselves and pulled as hard as they could. Finally they heard a cracking. Before they realized what was happening, they were both on the floor with the turkey in pieces.

Tommy: I think we pulled too hard.

Charlie: They didn’t mention that happening in the video.

Cat falling off the couch fangies! : r/fangies

Tommy: What should we do?

Charlie: I guess we can just grill the pieces. It should take even less time this way.

Tommy: Excellent!

They cleaned up the mess and were getting ready to take the turkey out to the grill when Maggie and Celeste walked in.

Maggie: My cats! What happened to you two? You look like you’ve been in a cat fight!

Tommy: The turkey was pretty feisty, but we managed it.

Maggie: You need to get cleaned up before the guests get here. I don’t want to be embarrassed by everyone thinking you were beat up by a turkey.

Cat Chillin' in a Grill Like the Boss of All Bosses [IMAGE]

They put the turkey on the grill and then bathed. By the time the guests arrived, the turkey was beginning to smell delicious. Finally, it was time to eat.

Nana Cat: That smells delicious, Charlemagne.

Benji: Have to admit, brother. I didn’t think you’d pull it off.

Charlie: Everyone, have a seat and I’ll serve the turkey.

He slid the turkey onto a platter and brought it to the table.

Human Foods Cats Can Eat: Keeping Kitty Safe During the Holidays

Monica: That’s the strangest looking turkey I’ve ever seen. How did you prepare it?

Benji: That’s because you get yours in a can.

Tommy: It’s called spatchcocking.

Celeste: He butterflied it.

Benji: It looks more like he stepped on it.

Charlie: Just a slight issue with the knife. It’s ultra-butterflied.

Tommy: We’re going to call it Turkey Charlemagne.

It was delicious. But the video got lost somewhere along the line. Charlemagne is trying to talk Maggie into letting him buy another turkey.

Cat Signals for Expressing Happiness and Mood

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

23

Charlemagne T Persian, Grill Master

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Dont Show Your Cat on Twitter: "my boy can work a grill https://t.co/KBUtdyLghu" / Twitter

Mama Cat rushed in from work. It had been a long day. She wondered why she didn’t smell dinner.

Mama Cat: Celeste, where’s Daddy? He’s supposed to be making dinner tonight.

Celeste: He’s out back on the patio.

Mama Cat: What’s he doing out there? Isn’t he going to cook?

Celeste: He wants to try out his Father’s Day gift.

Mama Cat: Seriously? Tonight?

Celeste: He’s really excited. Tommy’s out there with him.

Pros and Cons of Outdoor Litter Boxes I Modkat

Mama Cat shook her head. Her husband, Charlemagne (or Charlie), had asked for a grill for Father’s Day. She thought he was crazy, but the kids wanted to get it for him. She had never heard of a cat grilling, but he seemed thrilled when he opened it. She walked out the back door.

Mama Cat: Charlie! You’re not really going to use that thing are you?

Tommy: Hi, Mom! Dad’s almost ready to start. Wanna watch?

Mama Cat watched her large, fluffy husband as he added the last of the charcoal to the grill. He was usually so elegant, but now his paws were covered in soot.

Why Do Cats Lick Their Paws? | Hill's Pet

Charlie: Hi, Maggie! You’re just in time! I’m getting ready to fire it up!

Maggie: I’m not sure that’s a good idea. What if your fur catches fire? I don’t think cats were meant to grill.

Charlie: Didn’t you watch any of the videos I sent you on CatView? It’s the hottest thing with all the hipster cats. I think I’m the first one in our neighborhood. It’s going to be legendary!

Maggie: If you don’t set yourself on fire.

Tommy: He’s not going to set himself on fire, Mom. He’s got one of those long, lighter things to start the fire.

Charlie: OK, everyone. Stand back. Here I go.

cat cooking barbecue | Funny animals, Funny animal pictures, Funny cat pictures

He held the flame to the charcoal. There was a “whoosh” sound, and a large flame.

Maggie: Charlemagne! Was it supposed to do that?

Charlie: Calm down, Maggie! I might have used a little too much starter fluid, but it stayed in the grill. Now we just have to wait for it to burn down to coals so I can cook the fish.

He pointed at a couple of salmon steaks he had prepared in a flat basket.

Charlie: All I have to do is put the basket on the coals and turn it over a couple of times to cook the fish. It’s going to be great!

Maggie wasn’t sure.

5 Vegetables Cats Can Eat (And 5 To Avoid!) - Cats.com

Maggie: All right. What do you have to go with the fish?

Charlie: Go with it? Like what?

Maggie: Maybe some kind of side dish?

Charlie: It’s barbecue. It’s all about the meat.

Tommy: Or fish.

Charlie: Yeah. The fish.

Maggie went back in the house to wait with Celeste. Before long, they were in with the fish.

Is it safe to feed fish to cats? | Honolulu Star-Advertiser

Celeste: Daddy, this is yummy!

Tommy: Yeah. It’s great.

Maggie: I admit, it does taste good.

Charlie: See? The grill was a great idea.

Maggie sniffed.

Maggie: What’s that smell?

Charlie: What smell?

Sniffing Kitty - Love Meow

Celeste: It kinda smells like something’s still cooking. It’s smoky.

Charlie: I don’t know. I don’t smell anything.

Maggie: That’s because it’s you. The smoke got in your fur. Your beautiful thick fur is full of smoke.

Charlie: Well, that’s a small price to pay for that great fish. Right, kids?

Celeste and Tommy nodded. They really liked the fish.

Tommy: Can you grill some more tomorrow?

Cat Awake at Night - Reducing Nocturnal Activity ~ Pelaqita

Maggie: I’m not going to sleep next to you if you’re going to smell like smoked fish.

Charlie: Fine. I’ll go sit outside until it blows out of my fur. But I love my new grill, and I’m going to keep using it.

Charlie practiced with his grill for the next few weeks and was getting really good with it. Some of the other cats in the neighborhood started to comment on the wonderful smells coming out of his backyard.

Charlie: Hey, Maggie. I think we should have a party for the neighbors. I want to show off my new skills.

Maggie: I guess we could do that. How many fish do you think we’ll need?

The Name for A Group of Cats Explained

Charlie: I don’t want to do fish. I think I’m ready for something a little bigger.

Maggie: What did you have in mind?

Charlie: I saw a guy grilling a turkey. I want to try that.

Maggie: I don’t think that’s a good idea for a party. You’ve only been doing this a few weeks. You’re really good at fish and burgers. Let’s do that.

Charlie: No. I want a turkey.

Maggie: Charlemagne, that sounds really hard.

Charlie: I have the video. How hard can it be?

Next week: Charlemagne learns that grilling a turkey is different than grilling a fish.

Will Those Holiday Leftovers Poison Your Cat? - CatGazette

Pictures courtesy of Google Images. 

17

Mark and Shane Go to Bear Camp – Part 3

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Trump Team: Letting Hunters Kill Bear Cubs Is Top Priority

Where we are: Twin cubs Mark and Shane have been sent to Bear Camp by their exhausted mother. Shane is pretty shy but has been “adopted” by Broz, a seasoned camper. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

They have been at camp for two weeks. It’s time for Parents Day before they head home. Mark sees Mama and Papa Bear and runs over to them. He gives them a big hug.

Bear hugs Photograph by Ruth Jolly - Fine Art America

Mark: Hi Mama! Hi Papa! I missed you guys.

Mama Bear: Did you have a good time?

Mark: It was great! We swam and fished. And we learned how to use a raft. And we hiked and learned tracking tips. I had a amazing time! Wanna see the paw print I made you?

Mama Bear: In a minute, honey. Where’s Shane? I thought you two would be together.

Mark: No. They made us split up. Shane has a new friend; I’ve only see him at meals and campfires. I made a bunch of new friends too.

Adorable bears caught playing peekaboo, stealing kisses

Papa Bear: It sounds like you boys learned a lot.

Mark: We did Papa. And we’re gonna do a skit in the program after lunch.

Papa Bear: Is Shane in your skit?

Mark: No. He’s doing something else. It’s something top-secret.

Shane came running up.

Shane: Mama! Papa! I missed you so much. But I really like camp. I made a new friend. Wanna meet him?

Mama Bear: Of course, sweetie. Where is he?

Running bear cubs wallpaper - Animal wallpapers - #26121

Shane waved to Broz, who came running over.

Shane: Broz, this is my mom and dad. Mama, Papa, this is my friend Broz Bear.

Mama Bear: It’s very nice to meet you. I’m glad Shane made a friend here. We were a little concerned that he might not like camp.

Broz: He’s a great camper. And just wait until you see how talented he is. You’re really going to enjoy our part of the show.

Mama Bear: What are you going to do? Is it another skit?

Shane: It’s top secret, Mama. We’ve been practicing every night.

Mama Bear looked at Mark.

Mark: Don’t look at me. I have no idea what they’re doing. They wouldn’t tell anybody.

Brown Bear Standing Tall. | Brown bear, Bear, Kodiak bear

Counselor Dave banged a loud gong.

Counselor Dave: Welcome parents! We’re glad to see you all. It’s been an exciting two weeks, and the campers can’t wait to show you the entertainment they put together for you. First, let’s eat. Everybody head over to the Mess Hall.

Papa Bear: Thank goodness! I’m starving.

Mama Bear: What are we having?

Papa Bear: Smells like fish.

Mark: You’re right. And lots of berries. We picked them fresh this morning.

Shane: There’s some honey too.

Papa Bear: Yummy!

Do Bears Really Love Honey? | Mental Floss

The bears all settled in and were quickly fed. After everyone was finished eating, the campers left to get ready for the show.

Counselor Dave: Once again, welcome parents. The campers have a short presentation for you. After that, we will be giving out a couple of awards before you head for home. First up are the Bearly There Players performing their original skit titled, “Oh No! It’s a Bear!”

Two of the older campers pretended to be human parents on a picnic with their children. They made a great fuss of telling their children how dangerous bears are, and how they needed to beware of the bears while they were in the woods. The joke behind the skit was that they had set up their picnic in a bear’s home and terrified the poor bear when it woke up from a nap and found a group of humans in it’s front room

The audience roared with laughter at the little bears pretending to be humans and cheered the skit.

Funny bear cub sits on the ground in the forest. summer. finland. photo – Mammal Image on Unsplash

Counselor Dave: You guys did a great job! Very realistic portrayal of the humans. Normally, we would have two skits at the end of camp. But our other group wanted to do something a little different. So I present to you the Bongo Bears!

Shane, Broz and the rest of their group came on the stage carrying small drums. They sat on the ground and performed a short beat. They then broke into a fairly complicated cadence, picking up speed as they went along. Shane was totally absorbed. When they finished, he broke into a huge grin. The audience loved it.

Counselor Dave: Nice work, campers! I think we may make drumming a regular part of camp. Maybe we could even start a camp band.

Mama Bear: I’m really proud of you, Shane. You weren’t shy up there at all.

Shane: I owe it to Broz. He introduced me to the rest of the guys. He knows all the campers. Everyone was really nice.

Bear cubs pictured in Alaska playing in long grass before hugging | Daily Mail Online

Counselor Dave: We just wanted to hand out a couple of awards before we finish up. We want to recognize the bear who best exemplifies the spirit of Bear Camp. The camper who excels at teamwork and camaraderie. Then we want to recognize the bear who has made the most progress in developing their skills while they were here. I think everyone knows who the winners are.

Broz looked at Shane and started grinning.

Broz: It’s us, Dude!

Shane: Nah. I never win anything.

Counselor Dave: He’s right, Shane. Broz has been the heart of the camp this year. And you definitely are the most improved. You didn’t even want to come to lunch the first day. Remember?

Shane blushed under his fur.

Three adorable bear cubs give their mum a hug while feeding | The US Sun

Counselor Dave: We have little awards for you. But we also want you to take your drums. You can practice all year for when you come back.

Shane and Broz were thrilled.

Shane: Broz, we can get together and practice. It’ll be great!

Mark: I can learn too.

Broz: That’s an excellent idea!

Mama Bear groaned.

Sleepy bear | Taken at the San Antonio Zoo More details on m… | Flickr

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

12

Mark and Shane Go to Bear Camp – Part 2

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How To Avoid Bears In Camp — ScouterLife

Where we are: Twin brothers Mark and Shane have been sent to bear camp for a couple of weeks by their exhausted mother. Shane, the more introverted brother, has discovered that he will not be sharing a cabin with his brother and their friend Danny. You can read Part 1 here.

Counselor Dave: OK, everybody. You have 15 minutes to get your stuff stowed, and then we gather in the Mess Hall. That’s where the food is, for all you first-timers.

Norway: Hikers asked to collect bear droppings - BBC News

Shane went into his cabin and found the bed with his name on it. It was a bunk bed, and he was on the bottom bunk. His bunk mate bounced around the cabin, getting settled in. He seemed to be friends with everyone. Shane curled up on his bed.  Then he felt a paw on this shoulder.

Voice: Little Dude, what’s wrong?

Shane: Leave me along. I don’t feel well.

Voice: C’mon Little Dude. It’s OK. Talk to me.

Shane turned around to see his bunk-mate. He was smiling at Shane; he looked nice.

Adorable Video Shows Bear Cubs Purring in Den, Snuggled next to Mom

Shane: I was supposed to be going to camp with my brother, but they’re making us stay in separate cabins. I don’t want to be here by myself:

Bear: You’re not by yourself. You’re with me.

Shane: Who are you?

Bear: My name is Broz. I came to camp last year. It’s pretty cool here.

Shane: I’m Shane. Nice to meet you.

Broz: Let’s get you unpacked. Don’t want to be late for lunch.

Broz helped Shane make his bunk and put away his clothes. They walked over to the Mess Hall together. They sat with Mark and Danny for lunch. It was delicious.

Mark: Hey, Shane! How’s it going?

Shane: Mark, this is Broz. He’s my bunk-mate.

18 Adorable Photos of Bears Being Basically Like Big Puppies — Best Life

Mark: Hey, Broz. You gonna take care of my brother? He doesn’t do well in strange situations. I thought we’d be together, but they won’t let me switch cabins.

Broz: Don’t worry about him. I’ll make sure nothing happens to him. Right, buddy?

Shane smiled at Broz. He’d never met such a nice bear.

Counselor Dave: OK, everybody. This afternoon, we’re going to go down to the lake and do a little fishing. Cabin A is with me, and Cabin B is with Counselor Ted. Yep, you heard me. Ted Bear. Good luck with your fishing. It’s your dinner.

Mark and Shane looked at each other. Too bad Jobear wasn’t there. He was the fisherman. They had never been near the water. Broz looked at their worried expressions and laughed.

Of Bears and Salmon, the Vital Connection

Broz: Don’t worry. They’re not going to let you starve. Besides, Shane, I know the best place to fish. Stick with me.

Shane grinned at his brother.

Shane: Wanna bet on who gets the most fish?

Mark: Not a chance. You’re cheating.

Broz: It’s not cheating. There aren’t any rules against bunk-mates fishing together.

Danny: Besides. I think they’re going to have one big kettle of fish. We’re all going to share.

Broz: That is true. C’mon Little Dude. Let’s get fishing.

The bears spent the afternoon at the lake fishing. Broz had been telling the truth; he was a good fisherman. He taught Shane how to flip the fish out of the water. By the end of the afternoon, they had a small pile. Counselor Dave came by and congratulated them.

SpiritHoods on Twitter: "High five if you snagged a Black Bear hood today! https://t.co/YbYdjF9J0c https://t.co/q9QzMbJCd4" / Twitter

Counselor Dave: Excellent teamwork, boys! You have the most fish. Go in the lake and clean up for dinner. I’ll get these back to camp.

Shane and Broz looked at each other and slapped paws. Shane couldn’t believe his luck.

Shane: You are pawsome, Broz! Thanks for teaching me.

Broz: No problem. My brothers taught me. I’m just passing it along.

At dinner, Counselor Dave told all the campers how many fish Broz and Shane had caught. He said it was a good example of what teamwork could do. As a reward, they could choose the evening’s snacks. Broz didn’t hesitate.

Broz: We want s’mores!

Shane: What’s a s’more?

Broz: Dude! You don’t know what a s’more is? Toasted marshmallows and chocolate between graham crackers. They’re the best!!

Shane: Yep! We want s’mores.

4 grizzly bear cubs Katmai National Park, Alaska.

Shane sat at the campfire with Mark and Danny. Broz was talking to some of the other bears. Finally, he sat next to Shane.

Broz: Okay, Little Dude. I’ve been talking to some of the other guys. They agreed to let you join our secret band.

Shane: Band of what?

Broz: That’s the secret.

Shane: Can I tell Mark and Danny?

Broz: Then it wouldn’t be a secret.

Next week: What’s the secret?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Wilford The Bear Makes A Bed And Takes A Nap In The Angeles National Forest - YouTube

24

Mark and Shane Go To Bear Camp

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How to Keep Bears Away from Your Campsite | Pelican

Mama Bear was exhausted. She hadn’t realized how much more work it would be to have twins than the single cubs she’d had the previous two years. They were always getting into someone. Shane was pretty quiet, but Mark was a natural mischief maker. He was always talking his brother into something. When she saw the advertisement for summer Bear Camp, she thought it would be the perfect opportunity for a little peace and quiet.

Man in bear costume harasses mother bear, 2 cubs in Alaska

Mama: Boys, I have some exciting news!

They raced over and looked up expectantly.

Mark: What is it, Mama?

Mama: I signed you up for bear camp!

Shane: What’s bear camp?

Mama: You go out in the wood with a bunch of other little bears and do fun stuff.

Shane: What kind of fun stuff?

Bear cub looks on with its mother as sibling learns how to fish - and there's even a hug afterwards | Daily Mail Online

Mama: Look at this brochure. You can fish and hunt and pick berries.

Shane: We already do that stuff.

Mama: But you’ll get to meet all kinds of other little bears. You can make new friends.

Shane: I already have friends. I don’t need any more.

Mark (reading): It says we get to sit around a campfire and tell scary stories. And we can play on the beach.

Shane: I don’t like scary stories. I don’t think I want to go to bear camp.

Mama was disappointed. She was really looking forward to some time alone.

Three bear cubs spotted 'dancing' in fairytale moment captured in Finland | London Evening Standard | Evening Standard

Mama: Why don’t you think about it for a couple of days? Mark, what do you think?

Mark: I think it sounds great! It says there won’t be any parents, just counselors. We can probably do all kinds of cool stuff. I think we should go.

Shane: I don’t know. Let me think about it.

Mama: You won’t be alone. Your brother will be with you.

The boys went to bed. The next morning, Shane still wasn’t convinced it was a good idea. He decided to talk to his friends at school.

Yellowstone Rangers Launch Investigation Into Video of Woman Approaching Grizzly Bears

Shane: What do you guys think? Should I go to bear camp? It doesn’t really sound like a lot of fun. I’d rather stay home and hang out around the den.

Jobear: I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like much fun to me. But if Mark’s going, you probably want to go. You guys are twins after all. You’d really miss him.

Shane: That’s a good point.

Danny: Are you talking about Blue Bear Percussion Camp?

Shane: Yeah. I think that is the name.

Danny: Me and a couple of the other guys were looking at that. My brother went a couple of years ago. He had a great time.

Shane: Are you going this year?

Mothers Raise Cubs - North American Bear CenterNorth American Bear Center

Danny: Maybe. I could ask my mom.

Shane: That would be great! If you and Mark are there, I won’t be so lonely. What about you, Jobear?

Jobear: No, thanks. My dad promised he’d teach me how to fish like he does.

Danny talked to his parents, and they agreed to let him go to camp with Mark and Shane. The three cubs decided to do everything together.

Mama: I’m glad you decided to go, Shane. I think you’ll have a good time with all those other cubs.

Papa: And Mama and I will have a good time with the den to ourselves.

Last Frame: Dancing Bears - Outdoor Photographer

Shane: It won’t be so bad, knowing a couple of the other bears before I get there.

Mark: It’s going to be great! We can play all day, and talk all night. I can’t wait!

Shane: I’m going take a couple of books. I don’t want to listen to scary stories.

Mark: Don’t worry. I’ll be there to protect you.

Shane: Thanks, Mark. I’m glad you’re my brother.

A Man Found 3 Bear Cubs Climbing Into His Car in Tennessee

They took a bus to camp. It picked them up at their school.

Mama: Have a good time! We’ll see you in two weeks!

Papa: Write if you get work!

Danny: What does that mean?

Mark: Who knows? Dad’s kinda weird sometimes.

The boys were still waving when the bus took off.

Bear cubs look like they're shaking on a deal as they play in the water | Daily Mail Online

They arrived at the lake after a short trip. It was very pretty. The camp was a lot bigger than they expected. There were about 20 cubs total; a lot more than Shane was comfortable with. He stood very close to Mark, with Danny on his other side.

Counselor Dave: Welcome cubs! I see a couple of familiar faces and quite a few new ones. You’re going to have a great two weeks. First, let’s get you settled in your cabins, then we’ll get started on activities. Everyone in a line. Count off by twos.

Shane panicked. Mark and Danny were “2” and he was “1”. They were going to separate cabins! Mark saw his face.

Mark: Counselor Dave, I wanted to be in a cabin with my brother. We’re twins. And we do everything together.

Counselor Dave: That’s part of the fun here. You’re going to make new friends. You can see each other during the day.

Shane was trying not to cry.

Next week: Can Shane adapt and have fun?

Brown Bear Cub - Waiting For Mom. | Sad looking little guy w… | Flickr

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

11

The Cats’ Mother’s Day Dilemma

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Snoops here. We decided we should invite the new guy into our planning for Mother’s Day. It may not have been my best idea.

Snoops: Sgt Stripes, you wanna get in on our gift for Mom on Sunday?

Sgt Stripes: What’s on Sunday?

Snoops: The humans celebrate something called Mother’s Day.

Sgt Stripes: She’s not my mother.

Snoops: Yes, she is. She adopted you.

Sgt Stripes: What does that mean?

Snoops: She brought you in and let you stay here. She made you a member of the family.

Sgt Stripes: She’s not my mother. I am a cat. My mother was a cat.

Kommando: We know that. That’s why she’s your adopted Mom. She takes care of you now.

Sgt Stripes: I thought you said it was Mother’s Day.

Cute Photos of Cats and Kittens | POPSUGAR Pets

Snoops: It is. Once she adopted you, she’s your Mom.

Sgt Stripes: Oh. Is that why I had to get her a Christmas present?

Kommando: You don’t HAVE to do it. Don’t you want to do something nice for her?

Sgt Stripes: I guess so. The kibble is really good here. And I didn’t have to go out in the snow this year. That’s probably worth something. What are you getting her?

Snoops: We haven’t decided yet.

Cat and mouse - 9GAG

Sgt Stripes: We should get her something good. How about a mouse?

Snoops: I tried that before. She doesn’t really like them.

Sgt Stripes: But they’re yummy. And fun to play with.

Snoops: She said thank you, then threw it away.

Sgt Stripes: How rude.

Snoops: I thought so. Now I give them to our human brother. He seems a little more appreciative.

Lolcats - mothers day - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words

Kommando: How about a bouquet of fish?

Snoops: There’s no such thing.

Kommando: Are you sure?

Snoops: Pretty sure. I think they only put flowers in bouquets.

Kommando: What a waste. It would be delicious. Flowers really don’t taste very good.

Snoops: I think the humans only look at them. They don’t eat them.

Sgt Stripes: We should get her something she likes. What does she like to do?

Kommando: She likes to sleep.

Sgt Stripes: We could get her a blanket. I really like the blanket she gave me.

Snoops: She already has some of those. We need something unique.

Kommando: She likes to work in the yard.

Sgt Stripes: Let’s get her a mole. It could dig holes for her garden.

Kommando: Where do we get one of those?

Sgt Stripes: I’m pretty sure there are some in the back yard. At least  there were last summer.

Snoops: I guess that’s a possibility. But I think if she wanted one of those, she would have brought it inside instead of you.

Sgt Stripes: Oh. I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe you’re right.

Kommando: Maybe we could get her some yarn. Then she could make us a blanket.

Sgt Stripes: I like that idea! And yarn is fun to play with too.

Snoops: It’s supposed to be for her, remember? She’s seemed kinda stressed out lately. Maybe she needs something to help her relax.

Kommando: I thought cats were naturally relaxing.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. What’s more relaxing than a purring kitty?

Snoops: Excellent point.

Kommando: So it’s settled. Our gift to Mom is going to be to let her spend time with us.

Sgt Stripes: Glad we got that settled.

 

Pictures (not of us) courtesy of Google Images

16

Kitty Yelp: What the Cats are Really Thinking

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We thought we’d take a quick trip around Kitty Yelp to see what’s going on. All ratings are based on a best of five.

Joe’s Bistro

Have been here several times (it’s close to home). The service is pretty good, but the food is very uneven. We’ve had excellent salmon and tuna. But the chef uses a LOT of beans. What cat likes beans? And the chicken always seems to be in sauce. We’re not huge fans of tomato sauce. Definitely call ahead to find out what the daily special is going to be.

😺😺😺

Battery-Powered Fish Toy For Cats | Apartment Therapy

Flopping Fish Toy

Have to admit I was excited when I unwrapped this fish. It was huge. I thought it was for cuddling, or maybe a kick toy. Then the humans plugged it in, and it started to flop around. It was so scary! I thought it was going to whack me in the face. Definitely not for small or timid kitties.

😺

Cat Woman 🙏 🇺🇦 🇬🇧 on Twitter: "Nah! Too energetic for this time in the morning ♥️🌈 #cats #CatsofTwittter#CatsLover #CatsOnTwitter https://t.co/XZuvco9VE9" / Twitter

Dr D’s Catnip Zoomers

The name says it all. These treats are pawsome!!! Eat a couple and you’ll be racing around the house, getting into everything. They’re a little pricey, but definitely worth the money (especially if it belongs to your human). Highly recommend.

😺😺😺😺😺+++++++++

CuddleSoft Electric Bed Warmer

It is definitely soft and fuzzy. But the buttons on the control are hard to push if you’re a kitty. And if the human turns it on at night, it doesn’t stay on all day while they’re gone. I would recommend not moving off of it once you get it warmed up.

😺😺😺

Toasty Soft Throw

It’s really furry. Very comfortable. Not big enough to share with a human, so make sure they have one of their own. Biggest plus is that you can step on the corner and turn it on. The longer you press, the warmer it gets. It is so snuggly!! You probably want one in every room in the house.

😺😺😺😺😺

Pet Camp | Overnight Cat Boarding San Francisco | Affordable Kitty Care

Happy Cat Boarding Palace

It ain’t a palace, and it ain’t full of happy cats. I was stuck there for a week. The humans were okay, I guess. But the name is a lie. They let DOGS stay there too. And dogs are noisy and smell weird. I tried to escape, but they lock EVERYTHING up. I made sure my humans knew what a mistake it was. I am NEVER going back there.

😺- because Kitty Yelp doesn’t allow zero happy cats

Pin by Voodoo Doll Creates on Cat memes I've made | Cat memes, Cats, Cat treats

Simon’s Mega Bucket O’Treats

It is a big bucket of treats, and pretty cheap. Some of them are pretty good, like the salmon and chicken. But some of the flavors are pretty weird. Not sure what “Field Prey” was supposed to taste like, don’t think it was supposed to be grass. There were also some yellow ones. I think they were supposed to be banana. I don’t know any cats who like bananas. I will probably stick with name-brand treats in the future.

😺😺

Now that's a cat buffet, that's how it's done : r/cats

Albert’s Buffet

We are NEVER going back there. They were so rude. We waited in line for a half an hour before we got to the buffet line. Then they told us that we had to use plates. What cat can carry a plate? So they made plates for us, and made us sit in a corner. Away from everything. And they gave us stuff that no cat in its right mind would ever eat. Like green beans and mashed potatoes. When we went back for more fish, they THREW us on the floor. We jumped back up, but then they made us leave. Seriously, why do they let cats in?

😺

Ma Maison

Inside living quarters. Comes with 3 beds, 2 humans, and a bed warmer. Warm and dry. Ample kibble and bits. Sometimes the food smells fishy. Minus points for making me lose my man parts and no wild game. On balance, would highly recommend.

😺😺😺😺

Pictures courtesy of Google Images (except us)

23

We’ve Been Invaded Again!

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Sgt Stripes here. My sisters and I are not happy cats. The two small humans are visiting, and we are not impressed.

Kommando: They arrived Thursday. And they have got so much stuff. It’s everywhere.

Snoops: Yeah. And there isn’t anything good this time. Apparently they’re too big for carriers and special chairs.

Kommando: But they are really loud.

Snoops: They smell kinda weird. And the stuff they drink smells kinda weird too.

Sgt Stripes: They sleep upstairs with me. It takes a long time for them to go to sleep. And they make a LOT of noise.

Kommando: They tried to eat our food. Mom forgot to take our kibble off the floor, and they ate it when she wasn’t looking.

Sgt Stripes: At least you got food. Mom was so tired last night that she forgot to feed me. It was horrible.

Snoops: You should have told her.

Sgt Stripes: I tried. I couldn’t get her or my human brother to wake up. I even tried nibbling on her arm. I thought I was going to starve.

Kommando: Did she finally remember?

Sgt Stripes: Not really. After she fed you guys Friday morning and came back upstairs, I cried and led her to my room. She finally got the message. I think it’s my worst night since I’ve been here.

Snoops: That is awful. She came down early to feed us so the little humans couldn’t get into our food.

Sgt Stripes: It’s a good thing she did. By the time she got back upstairs, the little one was crying. She put him on her bed. In my place!!

Snoops: You lost your spot?

Sgt Stripes: I jumped up on the bed after I ate like I always do when Mom’s home, and he was there! I had to get back down. I think he wanted to touch me.

Kommando: Yep. That’s exactly the same thing that happened to me later. I went to jump up in Mom’s lap, and the other one was there. It’s terrible!

Snoops: They have cats at their house, so they think they can touch us. We need to stay out of the way. No sticky fingers in my beautiful fur.

Kommando: I hope they’re not moving in.

Sgt Stripes: I heard Mom say it’s for three nights.

Kommando: Hmm. Nobody asked us.

Snoops: We better be getting lots of treats at the end of this.

22

A Very Gator Easter – Part III

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alligator with hat | Free Shipping On All Orders |

Where we are: Granny Gator is hosting the family Easter at South Padre Island, Texas. Uncle Stu is being detained at the train station after being accused of catnapping three kittens (Muffin, Zelda, and Dude Cat) on the trip from Florida (stopping in South Carolina to pick up Stan and his family). You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Grandpa Cat: I demand that you arrest this filthy reptile. He was going to made a snack out of our kittens.

Dude Cat: Grandpa, Uncle Stu wouldn’t hurt us. He’s a nice gator.

Grandpa Cat: There’s no such thing as a nice gator. He’s a predator, and he needs to be locked up.

Angry cat is angry | SOON. | Chiaki Narusawa | Flickr

Stan: I knew it wasn’t a good idea to get mixed up with a bunch of cats.

Grandpa Cat: What’s wrong with cats?

Stan: You’re being hysterical. Uncle Stu wasn’t hurting the kittens.

Suzy: Yeah. If he wanted to eat them, he could have done that back in Florida.

Uncle Stu: I don’t eat kittens. That’s barbaric.

Wondering How to Talk to Your Cat? 6 Tips - Catster

Dude Cat: He was protecting us, Grandpa. So we’d get here safely.

Grandpa Cat: That’s ridiculous. Alligators are predators. I want him locked up.

The Security Dog came back, talking on his phone.

Dog: Yes, sir. They are safe. They don’t appear to be frightened…All right, I’ll let you talk to him.

Laughter as Golden Retriever Steals Owner's Phone Using the Pop Socket

The dog walked over to the cats.

Dog: I got your son’s phone number from the kittens’ carrier. He says that he asked the alligator to watch the kittens on the trip.

Grandpa Cat: Let me talk to him….Rufus, it’s your father…Yes, they appear to be fine…that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard…he’s an alligator…yes, I suppose that’s true…all right…Happy Easter to you too…love you.

The cat handed the phone back to the Security Dog. Then he walked over to Uncle Stu.

Grandpa Cat: I guess I owe you an apology. My goofy son says that he did ask you to watch his kittens. Said that he didn’t think anyone would bother them if they were with an alligator. Never dawned on him that you might be dangerous.

The Creature Feature: 10 Fun Facts About the American Alligator | WIRED

Uncle Stu: I’m not dangerous.

Dude Cat: Grandpa, I told you. He’s a good gator. He made sure we were safe.

Muffin and Zelda nodded. The three kittens walked up to Uncle Stu and rubbed against him, purring.

Uncle Stu: Good-bye kitties. Hope you have a good holiday.

The gators walked out of the station and took a shuttle to the resort.

What is a Group of Alligators Called? | Animals Pickings

Granny: I’m so glad to see you. I was getting worried; your train was due hours ago.

Justine: We had a little adventure. Uncle Stu was babysitting some kittens for the trip.

Danny: Kittens? Where did he find kittens?

Justine: They found him. In Miami Beach.

Danny: Didn’t anyone think it was weird that he was travelling with kittens?

Adele: We don’t really think anything Uncle Stu does is weird anymore. But the grandparents were not happy.

Stan: Yeah. I was afraid for a few minutes that we were going to have to leave him locked up.

Robert Irwin Shares Video Of Alligator Enjoying A Car Ride | ETCanada.com

Uncle Stu: I really don’t understand what all the fuss was about. The guy asked me to watch his kittens on the trip, and I watched his kittens on the trip. It’s like no one’s ever seen an alligator babysit kittens before.

Danny: I’m not sure anyone has seen an alligator babysit kittens. I get weird stares for studying birds. There’s an awful lot of folks who are afraid of us.

John: I know. Sometimes I hate to even use public transportation.

Granny: Well, let’s forget about all that and enjoy our holiday. It’s supposed to be a beautiful weekend.

Adele: That sounds good to me. I’m looking forward to Easter.

Suzy: I can’t wait to see my basket.

Justine: Remember a couple of years ago when we got chocolate alligators and platypuses? I hope we get those again this year.

The gators headed out to the beach to lay in the sun and relax.

Swampy's Easter Cards: This gator will be hopping down the bunny trail soon! | Gator, Bunny, Florida

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

18

A Very Gator Easter – Part II

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Why Are Alligators Showing Up on Beaches? | The Weather Channel

Where we are: Granny Gator has rented space on South Padre Island, Texas, for the family to spend Easter together. Uncle Stu was supposed to go to Stan’s house to ride with them, but thought he was going to South Miami Beach rather than South Carolina where Stan actually lives. The family is waiting for him at the train station. You can read Part I here.

Suzy: I hope Uncle Stu is on the train.

Adele: So do I. Everything’s packed. We just need to pick him up and get on the train to Texas. That way’s there’s no getting lost between the station and our house.

Stan: Stu said some big cats had helped him get the tickets. Hopefully, they were better organized than he is.

Adele: Only Stu would make friends with cats at a train station.

Police wrangle 9-foot alligator outside Florida apartment building – WSVN 7News | Miami News, Weather, Sports | Fort Lauderdale

Stan: I wonder how he ended up on a train. He said he was going to take a bus to our house.

Justine: That was before he realized he was going to the wrong place.

Stan: Good point, honey. The bus driver probably dropped him off at the train station.

The train pulled in, and it became too loud to talk for a few minutes. The gators scanned the arriving passengers.

Suzy: There he is! Uncle Stu! Uncle Stu!

Royalty-Free photo: Black alligator beside body of water during daytime | PickPik

Uncle Stu looked a little disheveled, but otherwise fine.

Uncle Stu: Greetings from South Florida! Good to see you Stan! Adele, you and the girls are as beautiful as ever. How are you all?

Justine: We’re great Uncle Stu. Glad you made it.

Uncle Stu: Glad to be here. I had no idea you lived so far away. I feel like I’ve been travelling for days.

Stan: You’re here now. Let’s get your bags and get on the road. We have a long drive ahead of us.

Uncle Stu: All right. They’re over there.

Cute Three Kittens, kittens, cute, cat, animal, HD wallpaper | Peakpx

He pointed to a suitcase and a bag. Stan started to pick up the bag. Then he dropped it and looked inside.

Stan: Uncle Stu, I think we have a problem.

Uncle Stu: What do you mean?

Stan: There are kittens in your bag. I think you have stowaways from the cats you met.

Uncle Stu: No, that’s Muffin, Zelda, and Dude Cat. They’re coming to South Padre Island with us.

Stan: What do you mean, they’re coming to South Padre Island with us?

kitten;s model train. | Cat training, Cats and kittens, Cat aesthetic

Uncle Stu: That’s how I met their parents. I was wandering around the train station, trying to buy a ticket to your place. I got in line behind these very nice cats. They were sending their kittens to stay with their grandparents over spring break. Turns out we were all going to the same place in the end.

Stan: Why did you bring them with you instead of having them go to directly to Texas?

Uncle Stu: I thought they’d be safer with me than taking that long trip by themselves. I didn’t think you’d mind.

Stan: Their parents weren’t concerned about giving their kittens to an alligator?

Uncle Stu: Why should they be? I’m a nice guy.

Alligator attack: Birthday party guest rescues Utah animal trainer | CNN

Adele: We know that, but you’re an alligator. We eat small animals.

Uncle Stu: Adele! I would never eat a kitten! That’s awful!

Justine: They’re so cute! We have to help them get to Texas.

Stan: I don’t like the idea of traveling with kittens. What will the other animals think?

Adele: We can’t just leave them at the station.

Stan: I thought you said you were helped by big cats. These are just regular-sized kittens.

What Are the Largest Cat Breeds? | Litter-Robot

Uncle Stu: Well, they were pretty good-sized cats. At least 10 pounds each. They bought tickets for the kittens. And they bought mine too, for watching the kittens.

Stan looked at the kittens, then at his family.

Stan: Fine. They can come with us. But I am not watching kittens.

Justine and Suzy squealed with delight.

Suzy: Oh, boy! I don’t know anyone who’s been this close to a kitten. They’re so fuzzy. Think I can touch one of them?

Adele: Let’s wait until we’re settled on the train. I don’t want to scare them.

Why This Alligator Lived in a Los Angeles Family's Backyard for 37 Years - ABC News

Stan had gotten a private compartment for the overnight trip. They settled in and let the kittens out of the bag. Oddly, the kittens didn’t seem to be afraid of the alligators. They drank some milk and curled up in a corner. Soon everyone was asleep.

In the morning, the gators woke up to find the kittens curled up with Uncle Stu. Suzy went up and nudged one of them to wake it up. The kitten arched its back and hissed. Suzy giggled.

Suzy: Aww, look! It’s trying to scare me. It’s adorable!

They got breakfast and packed everything up before the train pulled into the station.

Adele: What do we do with the kittens when we get off?

Gold Nutritionals for Cats - Fromm Family Foods

Uncle Stu: I guess their grandparents will be there to pick them up.

Stan: Do we know what they look like?

Uncle Stu: I guess they’re gonna look like cats.

Stan: That’s not really helpful, Uncle Stu.

Uncle Stu: How many cats will be there looking for three kittens?

Stan: I have a bad feeling about this.

Battle Ground Police Department suspends K-9 program - The Columbian

They got off the train and didn’t see any cats. The kittens were restless after being cooped up for so long and started to cry. Suddenly, the gators were surrounded by police dogs.

Dog #1: Halt! Stop right there and don’t move.

Grandma Cat: Check their bags. They’re trying to steal our kittens.

Uncle Stu: What do you mean? We’re not stealing kittens.

The kittens were crying loudly.

Grandpa Cat: I can hear them. That’s our grandbabies. Those alligators have stolen them.

Grandma Cat: They’re probably going to eat them. Help us!

Uncle Stu: This is a misunderstanding. I was bringing the kittens here for their parents. I wouldn’t hurt them.

Angry Cat: 14 Signs Your Cat Is Mad at You — Fighting Cats

Grandma Cat: He admits he has our kittens. Arrest him!

Stan: Calm down. We’re not stealing your kittens.

Dog #1: What are you doing with the kittens?

Uncle Stu: I told you. I was helping them get here from Florida. Their parents sent them with me.

Grandma Cat: Our son would never trust an alligator with his kittens. Arrest them!

Dog #1: I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to come with us.

The dogs led the alligators off to a side room with the older cats trailing behind.

Next week: Can Uncle Stu talk his way out of being arrested?

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