Category Archives: Humor

20

Cats v Toddler Noise Pollution

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Greetings fellow felines. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We’re here with an update to our living situation. As you may know, our human sister moved back home a couple of months ago with her miniature humans. They are two and three years old. We are slowly adjusting to the new situation. We have both returned to the main floor, although we are doing our best to avoid the small creatures.

Kommando: It’s gotten a lot better since they started going to the human shelter during the day some days.

Snoops: I think the humans call it a daycare.

Kommando: I guess that explains why they come home every night.

Snoops: Yeah. That was pretty disappointing the first couple of times it happened.

Kommando: At least we get to eat in peace now.

Snoops: At long as we’re done before they get home. That blonde one still eats our food if we leave it down.

Kommando: Yeah. I don’t get it. We won’t eat the wet stuff after a few hours, but he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.

Snoops: Even the salmon which isn’t that great when it’s fresh.

Sgt Stripes: Hi ladies. That sounds pretty rough. By the time they come upstairs, it’s bedtime. So I only see them for a few minutes. Of course, every morning they wake me up. Apparently they don’t like getting ready for that daycare thing.

Snoops: Do they scream and yell?

Sgt Stripes: Pretty much every morning.

Snoops: That’s the worst.

Kommando: I dunno. They’re really loud sometimes when they’re not screaming too.

Snoops: You know, cats have really sensitive hearing.

Kommando: That’s what makes us such excellent hunters.

Snoops: Our ears are really cool. The outer ear consists of the ear flap and canal. We can rotate our ears independently to hear sounds coming from different directions. Then we have the middle ear that’s full of small auditory bones and the eardrum. The inner ear has the cochlea and semicircular canals of fluid that help us maintain our amazing balance.

Kommando: And our ears are ultra cute too.

Sgt Stripes: I found a list of seven kinds of sounds cats hate on Mr. Google. Let’s see how our new housemates compare to the list. The first one is hissing.

Kommando: Ooh, yeah. I hate it when Snoops hisses at me.

Snoops: I only do that when you’re annoying.

Kommando: Well, the kids are super annoying, but they don’t hiss.

Snoops: I guess we don’t annoy or scare them.

Sgt Stripes: The second sound we don’t like is banging. It says that we don’t like pots and pans banging or doors slamming.

Snoops: That one is a major issue. Those kids are always banging things around in the kitchen.

Kommando: And our food dishes! Mom got us those nice stainless steel dishes, and they’re all over the house.

Sgt Stripes: How traumatic!

Snoops: It is. We have to talk to Mom about it.

Sgt Stripes: The next thing on the list is high-frequency sounds, like the ones that come from computer screens and television remotes.

Snoops: They have tablets that are pretty annoying. Although they don’t use them all that much.

Kommando: No, but I really dislike Peppa Pig. She is super annoying.

Sgt Stripes: Apparently we also dislike balloons popping. Do they do that?

Kommando: No. I don’t think that’s a problem.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think the next two are really an issue either. Some of us don’t like thunderstorms or fireworks either.

Snoops: I don’t think those are a problem.

Kommando: You sleep through almost anything.

Snoops: You’re just a scairdy-cat.

Kommando: I wish I knew how to hiss at you.

Sgt Stripes: I think the last one is a problem. It says that cats don’t like loud yelling or arguments. It says that the sounds coming from young children can be very stressful to kitties. We don’t like it when our humans are stressed out.

Kommando: The little humans are stressing us out!

Snoops: So what are we supposed to do?

Sgt Stripes: It says we’re supposed to find a  quiet place where we can calm down.

Kommando: I have a better idea. Let’s find a quiet place to put them.

Snoops: Let’s think about this.

20

Sgt Stripes Makes a Friend

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Hi, everybody! Sgt Stripes here. Guess what! I have two new friends, one human and one feline. I was really lonely last week because my main human went to a place called Italy for 10 days and left me all alone (except for Mom and the new human/cats). I thought I had been deserted

Then one of the new kitties moved upstairs. I guess she was supposed to be locked in one of the bedrooms until the humans had a chance to introduce us, but she escaped. She must be pretty smart. Her name is Onyx. She’s a really pretty black cat. And she smells really good.

She seems kinda shy. We sat together for a little bit one day. The next day, I sniffed her again, and she seemed to get a little offended. She went under the bed. I guess I’m going to have to keep trying to charm her.

I think she might be a little intimidated because I’m a lot bigger than she is. But I’m patient, so I’m sure we’ll be spending more time together soon. She doesn’t hiss at me like Snoops does, so I think she kinda likes me.

I really like her human mom. Snoops says they used to call her Blondie. I don’t really know why. Her hair isn’t blonde. Snoops says it used to be. She’s their human sister, so I guess she’s my human sister now too. Although my main human is her brother. I don’t know. It’s all really confusing to me. For the purposes of identifying her, I guess I’ll call her Blondie too.

She’s the mom to the two small humans. I’m not sure about them. The one seems pretty okay. He comes in once in a while and wants to pet me. He’s pretty gentle. The little one is another story. He is so LOUD and he cries a lot when he’s tired. He scares me. I try not to go near him.

Back to Blondie. She’s working from home now. And she sends the kids away during the day. Snoops says it’s some kind of shelter, and she hopes they stay there one day. I’m not really sure what a shelter is, but Snoops says she used to live in one. Mom says it’s called a daycare, so I’m guessing they’re not allowed to stay there at night. When I told Snoops, she was pretty disappointed.

Anyway, Blondie has been working upstairs since Onyx moved up. And it’s pawsome. She lets me stay in the room with her ALL DAY. And she lets me help her work. She does some kind of medical office job. We talk to patients and work on the computer. The best part is that she does something called Zoom calls. I get to see people on the computer. My brother does those sometimes too. I love Zoom calls.

Yesterday I learned how to schedule patients for some kind of testing. It’s pretty cool. Blondie uses a lot of different computer programs, and I’m learning them all. I already know how to change programs and shut them down. Pretty soon I’ll be really good at this stuff and ready to learn something else. The best part is that when I get cold, she lets me cuddle up with her.

My regular human returned yesterday, so now I have all sorts of options. I can help him with his school work. (He’s in something called grad school. I’m not really sure what that is, but it seems to take up a lot of time.) He spends a lot of time on the computer too. Or I can keep helping Blondie. And of course, I have to spend time with Mom. I don’t want her to feel deserted.

This is so exciting! I don’t even miss the lady cats anymore.

19

Cat Council: Dealing with Toddler Trauma

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Snoops: I call this meeting of the Cat Council to order. We need to discuss what’s happening in our home.

Kommando: Should we invite the new cats? They’ve been living with the invaders.

Snoops: Nah. They’re still in quarantine. Let’s deal with one problem at a time.

Sgt Stripes: I’m excited. You ladies usually ignore me.

Snoops:  We need all the brain power we can muster. This is huge.

Sgt Stripes: I did some research on the invaders. I love Mr. Google.

Kommando: Did it say anything about why they sound like howler monkeys?

Sgt Stripes: Not that I remember.

Snoops: It’s kinda true. They get started crying and it just gets really loud.

Sgt Stripes: I have noticed that. I can hear them through the floor. And the doors.

Kommando: We can even hear them in the basement.

Snoops: I wonder if they have “off” buttons?

Kommando: We should ask their Mom. Maybe she just needs to find it.

Snoops: Maybe she can find the self-cleaning button too.

Kommando: Yeah. They’re even messier than you when they eat.

Snoops: I’m not messy.

Kommando: You’re the reason we have mats under our bowls.

Snoops: I can’t help it that I have a more delicate face and don’t want it to get full of food.

Kommando: Whatever. At least you don’t leave a trail. I keep crunching crumbs under my paws.

Snoops: They don’t ever leave good stuff either. There’s never any chicken or fish laying around.

Sgt Stripes: They have kinda smelly milk too.

Snoops: I heard it’s called “oat” milk.

Kommando: What kind of cow is an “oat”?

Snoops: I don’t think it’s a cow. It smells weird.

Sgt Stripes: Nothing at all like cat milk.

Kommando: They have stuff in most of our lounging spots too. It’s really hard to get a good spot on the table anymore.

Snoops: Yeah. And there’s stuff on the sofa and chairs too.

Sgt Stripes: Too bad you guys don’t come upstairs. I lost my own bedroom, but they have a couple of beds I use regularly. Besides, when Mom cleaned the spare room, she found a huge comfy cat bed.

Snoops: I think that was mine!

Sgt Stripes: Hmm. Key word is “was”.

Snoops: Don’t give me another reason to dislike you.

Kommando: On the bright side, they’re not as grabby as I thought they might be.

Snoops: That’s true. The bigger one has petted me a couple of times, but that’s it

Sgt Stripes: I try to avoid them. But they don’t chase me, and their Mom pets me. So it’s OK.

Snoops: Yeah. I agree. Not great. But OK.

Kommando: Did Mr. Google tell you anything interesting about them?

Sgt Stripes: I learned a few interesting things:

  • Toddlers don’t really understand that they can hurt us. They don’t know that pulling our tails, or picking us up wrong, or throwing things at us can hurt us.
  • Adult humans shouldn’t leave their toddlers alone with us. They need to teach them the right way to treat us.
  • The big humans should make sure that we don’t get too stressed. If they pay attention, they can remove us before we get into a fight with the toddler.
  • There should always be a safe space for us to go and hide.

Snoops: That stuff all sounds good. Because if someone pulls my tail, I am not going to be a happy cat. and someone is going to know it.

Kommando: I think we should Mom for a new kitty condo to hide in. It seems like the least she could do for us.

Snoops: That’s an excellent idea.

Sgt Stripes: And some shelves to hide on.

Snoops: So we’re all agreed. Mom need to make this up to us.

Agreement all around.

11

A Brief Break in the Action: Cat Jokes

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Pin on Eyes Have It***!

As we told you last week, things are a little crazy around here right now. Our human sister has moved back home with her two little humans. A few days later, she came back with her two cats. So we have five new house members! We are not pleased, but we are adapting.
Mom is really tired. So we decided to give her a break this week and find some jokes to post. That way she won’t have to think. (She says her brain is full right now.)
Smart Cat ! - 9GAG
First, some quotations:
  1. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. – Anon
  2. There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. – Anon
  3. Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. – Anon
  4. I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. – Hippolyte Taine
  5. Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later. – Mary Bly
  6. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. – Jeff Valdez

25 Pictures of Spoiled Cats that Probably Live Better than We Do! Part II - We Love Cats and Kittens

Cat Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I’ll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!

Author Unknown

Canary? | Cheezburger cat, Funny cats, Funny cat memes

2 cats were looking into a green canary’s cage. The first cat said to the second cat, “That’s not a canary. It’s green!”

The second cat said, “I don’t know, maybe it’s not ripe yet!”

7 Hilarious Cat TikTok Accounts to Make You Laugh | Pawlicy Advisor

What do you get if you cross…

A cat with a canary? – Shredded tweet!
A cat and a gorilla? – An animal that puts you out at night!
A cat with a bottle of vinegar? – A sourpuss!
A cat with a parrot? – A carrot!
A cat with a tree? – A cat-a-log!
A cat with Father Christmas? – Santa Claws!
A cat and a donkey? – A Mewl.

Premium Photo | Singing cats disco of 80s concert of 90s karaoke with kittens abstract generative ai illustration

What is a cat’s…

Favorite song? Three Blind Mice.
Favorite color? Purrrrrrrple!
Favorite subject in school? HISStory.
Favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Favorite movie? “The Sound of Mewsic.”
Favorite car? The Catillac.
Favorite party game? Mews-ical chairs!
Favorite TV show? The evening mews!

12 Cats Who Are Serious About Reading | Book memes, Book humor, Funny cat memes
Hope you enjoyed what we found! Purrs, Snoops, Kommando Kitty and Sgt Stripes.
Pictures courtesy of Google Images
20

OMC!! Our World is Upside-Down

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Sgt Stripes here. I’m helping Mom type the post, and I am not a happy cat. We’ve been invaded. And apparently it’s of indefinite duration. I’m a very chill dude, and most things don’t bother me. (Although I do wish the lady cats liked me more.) But my furs are totally ruffled.

The blonde woman is here with her two screaming children. And they’re staying in MY room. And they keep bringing more stuff. Pretty soon there won’t be room for me. Of course, I don’t really want to be in there with them anyway. I’m trying to decide whether I should take up residence in Mom’s room (that’s where my cat tree is) or my human brother’s room (it has the best cat TV).

It’s me, Snoops. For once, the man-cat is right. We’ve been overrun. It appears that our human sister is back for a while. And she brought the small humans with her. We were really mad at her when she left, but at least she’s family. The two little ones are just a problem.

They run around the house and make a lot of noise. And they want to TOUCH us. We are very selective about who we let touch us. And the list does not include anyone under four feet tall. And it does not include anyone who screams or cries. (We make an exception when Mom cries – we just don’t let her rub her face in our fur.)

Kommando Kitty here. And they keep trying to eat our kibble. NO ONE is allowed to touch our kibble. Snoops takes care of any mouse who tries. And the big humans yell like it’s going to hurt the kid. We have excellent kibble, and we do not want to share it with a couple of little humans who don’t even understand the proper way to bathe.

Speaking of which – all humans smell weird, but little humans smell extra weird. Apparently they haven’t been litter-trained. So they have that on top of the weird regular human smell. And they eat funny stuff too. Nothing good to share with us cats. I’m really not seeing a lot of positives in the current situation.

Snoops again. And it may get worse. I overheard our human sister saying that she misses “her” kitties. I think she’s referring to the pests who relegated us upstairs a couple of years ago. I certainly hope that she’s not planning on having them visit again.

Sgt Stripes – More lady cats? That would be scary. Although, maybe they would be nicer to me. It would be better than having any more small humans running around.

20

Sgt Stripes: One Year and Going Strong

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Hi, everyone! It’s me, Sgt Stripes. Today’s a big day. It’s my first Gotcha Day. It’s been exactly one year since I traded in my man-parts for a new home. (Technically, it wasn’t a trade. But Mom wouldn’t let me move into the house until I was neutered. Something about not wanting me to mark my territory.) I don’t really understand it. I mean the whole house is mine, right?

Anyway, it’s kinda hard to believe it’s been a whole year. I thought the lady cats would have adapted to me by now. I guess I shouldn’t have chased Kommando so hard that first time. Snoops still hasn’t forgiven me. She hisses whenever she sees me. Sheesh. Talk about holding a grudge. I usually have to take to the high ground to make sure I see her before she sees me.

I miss lying in the sun. But I don’t miss the snow and rain. It is so nice to have dry fur all the time. And I have a couple of really nice window seats. I can say good-bye to Mom when she leaves in the morning. (It’s pretty cool – If I meow when she leaves, she feels badly about leaving me.)

And I live snuggling! The place if full of blankets and quilts and soft spots to nap. It’s pretty much kitty nirvana around here.

I haven’t adapted to wet food. Mom’s tried every flavor she can find. But I really like kibble and treats. (Except fish flavored. I don’t like fish.) I definitely don’t see the appeal of human food. The stuff they’ve given me has been really disgusting. There isn’t much wildlife to catch. I’ve only seen a few mice. No chipmunks or voles. I love my water fountain. It is so much better than drinking out of puddles. And it’s never-ending. Even in the heat.

I have lots of toys too. I have laser pointers and little stuffed mice. But Mom is kind of particular. She has a couple of stuffed hedgehogs that look a LOT like my toys, but she says those are hers. She has a couple of other stuffed animals that are off limits too. It’s really not fair. But she doesn’t really touch my toys, so I guess she thinks it’s fair. Like she never touches my red dot or green dots. And she shares the computer.

I like to jump and climb. There’s an armoire that I can jump on so I’m even taller than my human brother. I use it to survey my domain. And I just discovered the highest place upstairs. There’s a partial wall in the bathroom that goes almost all the way up to the ceiling. (I have to crouch down when I’m up there, it’s so close.) It’s between the bathtub and the human litter box. Some rubber ducks live up there. The other morning, I discovered that I can push the ducks off and they land on Mom while she’s using the human litter box. It was so much fun! She was not amused.

I’m hoping I’m going to get full run of the house soon. I didn’t get to see the Christmas tree last year. I got a little one of my own. Mom wasn’t really excited when I tried to eat it. I can’t wait to see the real thing. I think I’d really like the presents too. And the windows downstairs are bigger too. Hopefully, by next year, I’ll have lots of new adventures to tell you about.   

13

A Gator’s Guide to Hurricane Season

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Featured Animals - American Alligator - CMZoo

The school year had just begun, and Suzy and Justine were going through their backpacks retrieving all the paperwork.

Justine: They need you to fill out the emergency contact forms, Mom.

Adele: What happened to last year’s forms?

Suzy: They expired.

Adele: I’ve given them the same information every year since you girls started school. Why can’t they just use that?

Suzy: Guess they want to make sure you and Dad haven’t killed each other over the summer.

Adele: What else?

Brave the Adventure at Gatorland: A Thrilling Experience in Florida - Truck That Beach

Suzy: They’re looking for parent volunteers for the lunch room

Adele: No chance.

Stan: Do they feed me?

Justine: You can chaperone the fall social.

Adele: Nope.

Justine: Want to bake cupcakes?

Adele: Next paper.

Cheeky alligator crashes students' picnic lunch - and then helps himself to sandwich - Mirror Online

Justine: Are we signing up for school lunches?

Adele: I wish. You girls hate the school lunches.

Suzy: It’s not our fault they serve so much mystery protein. They act like alligators will eat anything.

Stan: Uh. Actually, we’re kinda known for that.

Justine: It’s disgusting, Daddy. My body is a temple, and I want to take care of it.

Suzy: Yeah. If I’m going to eat snake, I want to know I’m eating snake. I don’t want it ground up looking like hamburger.

Adele: You two are princesses. No school lunches. What else?

Firefighter Fights To Keep Pizza, Cookie Loving Pet Gator He's Had For 50 Years - YouTube

Suzy: Our first fund-raiser is selling pizzas.

Adele: That doesn’t sound too bad. What are you raising money for?

Suzy: We need new mats in the gym. Apparently someone ate the old ones.

Justine: Eww. Probably had too many school lunches.

Suzy: Here’s the last thing.

American Alligator | Stone Zoo

Adele: A Gator’s Guide to Hurricanes? What’s that?

Justine: It’s part of the new school safety project.

Adele: It says that alligators can sense when a storm is approaching. When the barometric pressure drops, we can feel it in our skin.

Stan: That’s true. Granny always knows when a storm is coming.

Adele: Your mother swears it’s going to be a hurricane every time she gets an ache in one of her joints. Most of the time, it’s just a thunderstorm.

Stan: Those sensors probably don’t work as well inside.

Suzy: I think we should just watch the Weather Channel like everyone else.

Justine: Or the Weather Gator app.

Alligator crawls out of Mobile storm drain

Adele: It says that when we “sense” a bad storm coming, we should seek shelter someplace we can get into and out of easily. They recommend a storm drain.

Justine: It also recommends heading for the water since we can stay under it for a long time.

Suzy: I cannot stay under water. I’d drown.

Justine: You’re supposed to come up once in a while to breathe. Don’t be a doofus.

Adele: They also say the swamp is a good place to hide. We can submerge there.

Suzy: This all sounds really uncivilized. Why can’t we just head inland?

The Alligator in the Backyard: 5 Things to Include in Your Home Quote - Alliance Insurance

Adele: The brochure says that hurricane season is an excellent time to go house-hunting. Particularly if you live in a neighborhood near humans.

Justine: That’s probably true. Most of them leave.

Stan: I think they’d want their houses back after the storm.

Justine: Yeah. They do usually come back. I wonder why they think we would steal someone’s house.

Stan: Or their belongings.

Can Alligators Climb Trees? - Wildlife Informer

Suzy: I think that brochure is crazy. It also says that we can wait out the storm in the hole of a tree or a cave. It makes us sound like barbarians.

Adele: It does seem a little primitive. Where did you say it came from Justine?

Justine: Let me see what it says.

She flipped the brochure over and looked at the back.

Justine: I found the problem. It was written by a human “for the benefit of my reptilian companions.”

Suzy: I knew it! We alligators are much more civilized.

Nice' alligator dons tux, serves as ring bearer in central Pa. wedding - pennlive.com

We wish all our readers in hurricane territory the best during the storm season.

(Pictures courtesy of Google Images. )

15

Snoops: A Day in the Life

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Hello Everyone. It’s me, Snoops. Since Kommando Kitty and Sgt Stripes have been writing posts, I thought you might be interested in learning a little bit more about me. After all, I am senior cat and chief defender of hearth and home around here. I am head mouser and Kommando’s protector. Here’s what my average day looks like:

 

Early Morning

Long before it’s light, I’m up and on the job. The early hours are the prime time for mousing around here. The best place to find them is the pantry. They love the chocolate chips and nuts that Mom keeps for baking. She finally got smart and started putting those things in plastic containers, but the mice still hang around that part of the pantry. I also need to patrol the study and dining room on a daily basis.

I usually leave the mice for Mom and Human Brother (HB). They are TERRIBLE hunters. They think it’s a sign of affection, but I really am trying to keep them from starving. Kommando is also bad at hunting; she thinks mice are toys. Everyone once in a while, I’ll snack on one, but the food is pretty good here.

Morning

Eventually, I hear Mom moving around upstairs. I am not pleased that I no longer have full run of the house. I wish they would finish training Sgt Stripes. The last time he got downstairs, I had to bop him on the head to keep him in line. He runs around like he owns the place.

After what seems like forever, she finally comes downstairs. I jump on the table for morning cuddles then wait for breakfast. She found some new food, that is better than I expected. We’d been eating the old stuff for YEARS and were so bored. Then I join her at the breakfast table for more pets and cuddles before work. She’s pretty well trained. Sometimes I have to share the space with Kommando Kitty. Luckily HB is usually there and can do some of the cuddles.

Right before Mom leaves for work, we get treats. Kommando is really pushy, so she always gets hers first. That’s okay, because she only eats them part of the time. So I get double treats a lot of the time. Sometimes HB leaves after Mom, but he works really weird hours so it seems like he’s around a lot.

Days

HB usually goes upstairs after Mom leaves. So I sometimes chase Kommando around a little bit, but most of the time I settle in for a nice nap. This time of year is great because there are a lot of sun puddles. It hasn’t been really hot in Michigan, so it is very pleasant.

Eventually HB comes back downstairs. Usually to work in the kitchen. Mom says he’s a really good cook, but I’m not sure I agree. Once in a while, he makes tuna and shares with us. That’s really pawsome. But most of the time, his food is revolting. Lots of beans and non-meat stuff. If he does make chicken or fish, you usually can’t find it because of the other stuff he mixes in. I always have to supervise; I keep hoping he’s going to surprise us.

Sometimes HB cleans. That’s not much fun. He’s really loud and moves stuff all over. I have to watch my tail. And his feet. He has almost stepped on me. On the bright side, he usually finds missing toys. I don’t really like to supervise cleaning. I usually look for a place to hide. If he doesn’t vacuum, I can nap or play with Kommando. She’s a good sister – not great – but good.

Days are usually a combination of snacking, napping, bird/wildlife watching, playing with or without Kommando, and supervising the human.

Evenings

Mom gets home around dinner time. Since HB cooks, we wait at the table with her. We help her read email and respond to messages. I don’t know how she’d get anything done without us. Between the three of us (Mom, Kommando, and me), we take up the whole side of the table.

We usually hang around while they eat. I’m not sure why. Like I said, most of the food is barely edible. But I don’t want to take a chance on missing something. Every once in a while, there’s a baked fish in the middle of all of the beans and greens. And chicken shows up fairly often. Besides, they’d be lonely without us.

After dinner, we all hang out in the living room. I usually sit with HB, and Kommando sits with Mom. The humans read or do computer stuff. Sometimes they watch TV. I don’t really like TV, but it does leave their hands free for petting. I usually nap for a while.

Nights

After they go upstairs, I’ll nap for a while longer. Then it’s snack time again. Then more napping before it’s time to wake up for another day.

21

Kommando Kitty’s Absolutely Awful Gotcha Day

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Greetings. It’s Kommando Kitty here, and I am not a happy cat. As some of you may recall, Mom has never been good about birthdays/ Gotcha Days. The previous cats were given “birthdays” based on her best guess. She forgot to do that for us. She is not very organized about some things. We forgave her because we get special treats every weekend to make up for not having our own “special” days.

But when Sgt Stripes came to live with us, it happened on his “neuter” day, which was September 9. (Get it – 9/9/22? Even Mom can’t forget that.) So she tried to reconstruct the dates for Snoops and me. (With some help from our human sister who has a memory like an elephant. Her brain is full of useless stuff that comes in handy once in a while.) Best guess is Snoops is June 28 (too bad we already missed it), and mine is July 13 (found out just in time).

When Mom went upstairs on the 12th, she said I would get special treats in the morning. Yummy! But it was only a couple of hours later when the unthinkable happened: Sgt Stripes came bopping down the stairs!

You may recall that we have the house divided between him upstairs and us ladies downstairs. Mom and our human brother have not been doing a very good job of teaching him manners, so he still thinks I’m a toy. It works out okay. Snoops and I like to have our quiet time, and he thinks everything is a game.

He came down and started looking around. As soon as I saw him, I took off for the study. There’s lots of stuff to hide behind in there. He chased me in there, but then he got bored when I wouldn’t come out. It was a REALLY LONG night.

Snoops here. Kommando is right. It was a terrible night. I tried to just ignore him, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I tried hissing at him. We went around in a circle a few times, but no fight. Finally, I decided to go to sleep behind the sofa. Luckily, he didn’t see where I went.

I had just settled in when I realized that I couldn’t sleep. What if he attacked Kommando? The last time he was out, Sgt Stripes thought she was acting like prey, (truthfully, she was.) and he thought it was a game. The only way I could get him to let her go was to jump on his back. Our human brother broke that up, so I don’t know who would have won. (I think it would have been me.)

It’s me, Sgt Stripes. I don’t understand what the big fuss is all about. My human brother went downstairs, and he left the door slightly open. I just happened to walk past and noticed it. I haven’t been downstairs in a long time, and I was curious. I don’t know what happened to my human brother. The next thing I knew, I was locked downstairs for the night.

I wasn’t trying to scare the lady cats. But Kommando is really jumpy. And she really does look like prey when she hunkers down. I didn’t mean to scare her; it was just instinct. But she really does a good job hiding. I couldn’t find her for the rest of the night. I finally gave up. I wouldn’t have minding playing with Snoops, but she has kind of a mean streak. She kept hissing at me. It was a pretty disappointing night. I ended up hanging out, waiting for the humans to wake up. Finally, my human brother took me back up. I guess Mom was pretty worried when I was nowhere to be found.

It’s Kommando again. For the record, it is terrifying having a big ball of fur come running at you from across the room. Someone needs to teach him some manners. I was so traumatized, I didn’t even eat my Gotcha Day treats. And now I have to wait an entire year. Maybe I can talk Mom into giving me something special.

(We almost forgot. Kommando’s Gotcha Day is also our WP blogoversary. Happy 10 years – or 8 years since the cats took over.)

14

Thunder Katt Presents: The Treacherous Thunder Tails

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Greetings friends and your non furry servants! It’s Thunder here. Michigan has been awful to live in lately. It’s had lots and lots of loud sky booms- between the fireworks and the storms, my sisters and I have been quivering messes! (Despite my name, I detest thunderstorms. My name comes from my strong verbal skills). I’ve written a piece based on a combination of “The Three Little Pigs” and “Goldilocks”. Please enjoy! 

The sky was blue and the sun was shining. It was a purrfect day to go out and play. Roco, Carrie and Lloyd were taking advantage of the abundance of sunspots and the warm breeze to chase mousies, pounce on rustling leaves, and lounge for naps. Things were going great, when all of the sudden…

Roco: “Do you hear that? What’s that low rumbling in the distance”? 

Carrie: “I don’t know, but our sun is going away, too”. 

Lloyd: “This stinks. I really wanted my fur to get orange highlights. Being brown all the time is so boring”. 

Carrie: “Well, let’s wait and see. Maybe it’s just a blip in the weather”. 

As soon as Carrie said that, rain began to fall. 

Roco: “Ugh! I’m getting wet! Now my tail is going to be all fluffy and my humans are going to make stupid comments”. 

Lloyd: “I see some places that look like decent shelter up ahead. Let’s see if we can find a suitable place to hide out for this travesty”. 

Carrie: “Sounds good. Hopefully they have food. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten in 45 minutes”. 

Roco: “I wouldn’t mind some food. And a nice soft spot to curl up for a nap. I’m overdue by at least 10 minutes”. 

Carrie: “Okay, so a good nap spot and food. Lloyd, do you have any requests”?

Lloyd: “No, I just don’t want to get drenched. Let’s go!” 

The three cats skittered off towards the sheltered area. When they got there, they discovered some sort of campground with tents. They were very excited. Just as they got to the campground a loud clap of thunder came. All three jumped in terror.

Carrie saw a large blue tent. She could smell fish coming from the tent. 

Carrie: “Let’s go in here! It smells delicious. And this loud sky is going to attack us, I just know it is!”

Roco: “I don’t know, Carrie, what about that small brown tent a few feet over? It looks cozy. I bet there are great nap spots there. And yours smells weird. Like fish but mixed with that stuff humans use to smell better, deodorant I think it’s called? What if the humans in there are mean and get mad at you?”

Carrie: “Don’t be ridiculous, Roco. Yours looks tiny. I don’t need you crowding in and twitching your fluffy tail in my face”. 

Lloyd: “Both of those seem like bad options. What about that tent off in the distance? It seems large enough for all of us, and I smell something delicious- catnip, maybe- coming from there. So we’ll get cat friendly people, ample napping spots, food, and shelter. It’s a win-win.” 

Carrie: “NO! That’s too far to walk. We’re going with my choice, and that’s final!”

Lloyd: “Carrie, despite your- ambitious- shall we say, personality, you don’t get to always be in charge. I have an idea. Instead of standing here and arguing, all while getting rained on, why don’t we each go to our selected spot? If one doesn’t work out, we can join the others. But I’m not getting wet, and I’m sick of fighting! 

Roco: “Sounds good to me. Just know, I’m not going to be moving once I get my prime napping spot.” 

Carrie: “Harrumph. Fine. But when you come slinking back to me, remember that I am not sharing any of my food with you!” 

Lloyd: “That’s fine. Let’s split”. 

Carrie, Roco, and Lloyd split up. Carrie starts to try to paw her way into her selected tent when another thunderclap happens. She jumps and hisses. 

Carrie: “Come on, tent! Unzip so I can get in!” Just then, the tent unzipped. Looking back at her was a very unhappy looking human. 

Mean Human: “What do you want, cat? Shoo, go away. We don’t need mangy strays with us”. 

With that, the human closed the tent. Carrie hung her head and walked away sadly. 

Carrie: “Grumpy old man. I hope his fish tastes like water and not actual fish”. 

Carrie meets up with Roco at his tent. 

Roco: “Well, look at what the cat dragged in. What happened, no fish?” 

Carrie: “Stop talking and let me in. I don’t want to talk about it. 

Roco: “Well, here is no good, either. The humans let me in, but they’d had their blankets out for a picnic, and they got soaked. I may as well have tried to nap in a mud puddle.” 

Carrie: “Oh, that’s awful! Well, let’s go find Lloyd. I doubt he’s had better luck. But we can all be miserable together”. 

Just then, more thunder sounded. Carrie and Roco fluffed their tails and ran. 

Carrie: “Ugh, this thunder is going to make my furs turn gray! I hope it’s almost done!”

Roco: “Me, too. Oh look, there’s Lloyd’s tent. But I don’t see Lloyd. I hope he’s okay.”

Roco and Carrie run up to the tent and start meowing desperately. Pretty quickly, a kind looking woman opens the tent.

Nice Human: “Oh, hello there kitties! You guys look soaked- and you must be terrified . I think I have one of your buddies; why don’t you come in and wait out this storm?”

Grateful, Carrie and Roco run inside. They spot Lloyd in the corner, curled up and licking his lips. 

Lloyd: “Hey guys! What happened to your tents?”

Carrie: “It was awful! The human was mean, and wouldn’t share his fish!”

Roco: “Mine was soaked inside and out. It was unpleasant, at best”. 

Lloyd: “Oh no, that stinks. Well, we lucked out here. This person loves cats! She shared her chicken with me, and said I can stay as long as I would like. And look, she’s bringing you some food, too”. 

Carrie perked up. “Oooh, food! I’m definitely staying!”

Roco: “And I can get my nap! This place is pawsome!”

Lloyd: “I am glad you think so. Not to brag, but… I told you so!”

Carrie, Roco, and Lloyd hang out for the next few hours while the thunder and rain pass. On their way back to their humans… 

Carrie: “Well, today was… Interesting. Let’s not repeat”. 

Roco: “Yeah, I just got my tail fluff down.”

Lloyd: “Maybe next time, we should just run home and be protected by our humans from the storm. But for now, I’m going to go home and play with my favorite Mousie toy. See you later!”