Category Archives: Humor

20

Sgt Stripes: Reporting from Sick Bay

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Sgt Stripes here. We want to thank you all ‘s for your well wishes to our humans. Our human brother and sister are doing much better. Mom seems to have gotten the worst of it. She even went to the doctor yesterday (that’s like a vet for humans). They gave her three kinds of medicine. She is still coughing a lot, but we are hoping that annoying habit will end shortly.

The ladies and I have been sharing nurse duties. Upstairs, I have been assisted by one of our newcomers. Not Onyx. She remains aloof and stand-offish. My aide is named Gypsy. She is a beautiful dilute calico. Snoops and Kommando have been handling the downstairs duties. We make sure that she is never cold or lonely. We also still let her feed us so she doesn’t feel useless. (She’s not doing much else.)

We know that none of our readers would ever question whether a cat knows that their human is sick. But there are apparently humans out there who think that we are all aloof, unfeeling balls of fur. In case you ever run across one of them, you can tell them the following about how cats know when their humans are sick.

Smell Cat GIFs | Tenor

Humans smell weird when they’re sick – There are chemical changes that take place when humans get sick. They only have about 5 million smell sensors, so they can’t tell a lot of the time. We kitties have about 200 million smell sensors. We know when something’s not right. In fact, studies have shown that cats can detect high blood sugar and cancer through smell.

Lolcats - dinner - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Humans act weird when they’re sick – We know your normal behaviors. And we notice when you’re acting different. We love our routines, and when you’re sick, you mess up our routines. (Like our breakfast was 2 hours late today.) Humans lay around a lot when they’re sick. We can tell when you hurt, and we want to help you. We spend our lives around our humans. We want them to be in top shape for us.

Why Is My Cat So Needy? - 7 Reasons Explained | Cute cat memes, Cat memes, Funny cats

Cats exhibit some common behaviors when their humans don’t feel well.

We get clingy – Obviously, all cats are different. Some cats are more cuddly than others under any circumstance. But, generally speaking, cats want to cuddle with their sick human. This is particularly true if the humans has a fever. We cats love to be warm. We’ve been working in shifts. Snoops and Kommando sit on Mom downstairs. Gypsy and I lay with her upstairs. Sometimes, I’ll let Gypsy handle the bed while I take the cat tree, but it’s usually the three of us together.

Separation Anxiety - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

We get anxious – If the human is sick enough that they can’t fully care for kitty, the cat can feel anxious and get frightened. Mom’s not that sick, so we don’t have that issue. However, we do find the extended coughing spells very annoying.

Cute Cat licking : r/aww

We lick – If we think our human is stressed or upset, we may try to help by licking them.  It de-stresses us, and we want to help.

Lolcats - medical - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Mom says that she used to have a cat that she called her “get-well kitty.” Critter always knew when someone was sick and would stay with them until they felt better. Apparently none of us are quite that good, but she says that I’m the closest she’s seen. Hopefully, it’ll only be a couple more days. This is exhausting.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

26

A Day in the Life of Sgt Stripes

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Hello! Sgt. Stripes here! I’ve been hard at work lately. My human sister, Blondie, has been working from home. And I’ve been getting to help her! Even better, I’ve also been able to attend therapy with her (she has anxiety and depression. She’d never make it as a cat). She made my formal title “Tummy Time Therapist with Office Management Requirements”. And it’s hard work! I’m going to share a typical day in the life in the workforce. 

6:30AM: 

This is when Blondie (and the mini humans) wake up. She gets them dressed and off to the day shelter, where they play and do art. Blondie calls it a daycare. But Snoops says it’s more like a shelter. I get to sleep through this, since I don’t do cars. Or mini humans. 

7:45AM: 

Blondie returns home. She gets our laptop out, and makes sure that it and our work cell are charged. She also gets her notepad ready. This is usually when I do my big kitty stretch and prepare myself for another strenuous day. 

8:00AM: 

Time to start work! We start by logging onto her email, her Teams (a Skype descendant), and her scheduling tool. I usually get to send a message to a few of her coworkers. Today alone, I said hello to the group chat (all 20 people!), the checkout person, and the echocardiogram coordinator, along with one of the medical assistants. Everyone loves my welcome messages! 

8:10AM:

Once we say good morning to our team, we review our email. Blondie makes a lot of phone calls, but won’t start until 9. So I get to help send out letters to patients who didn’t show up for their appointments, schedule urgent add on surgeries, and review our load for the day. I’ve discovered this is best done by sitting on the keyboard of the laptop. That way I’m warm, and am close enough to the screen to see. 

9:00AM: 

Now I get to start helping with phone calls! Usually the morning calls go to patients who need a presurgical workup. I don’t actually talk to these people (it sounds pretty depressing, honestly). But I definitely do my part. I sit with one paw on Blondie while she types, and I make sure to sit on the phone cord. You know, in case the phone tries to escape or something. These calls usually take most of the morning. 

12:00PM: 

Lunch break! Usually Blondie goes downstairs and gets tea and a sandwich, but I get to chow down on kibble (or cereal. She eats cereal and we share sometimes). I’m hoping my employee of the year luncheon features vole. I really like vole, But after I eat, I usually use the facilities, stop by the scratching post, and get a nap in. 

1:00PM: 

Back to work! The afternoon is usually a little more interesting. We usually start by calling patients that need pacemakers or ablations. I really, really like this part. We have to email them a surgical packet, and I’m really good at adding attachments or screenshots. I discovered if you push a bunch of random keys all at once, the computer will do fun things! Blondie gets a little weird about this, though. I start on the computer, but usually end up on her chest. At least I still get to supervise. 

3:00PM: 

If Blondie has therapy, this is usually when it happens. I like to sit up by her head and meow at her therapist. He needs to know who the really important one is. Although they just talk a lot, which is boring. So I usually use this time to get some tummy rubs. Or jaw rubs. Or both. I just really love rubs. 

4:00PM: 

Therapy is over (finally). Unfortunately, that means my tummy and jaw rub session slows down, as well. But we get to start scheduling my favorite things: MRIs! These are really fun, because I can make the appointment move by laying on her mousepad. I also really like to interact with these patients. I’ll headbonk the phone, purr into the speaker, and rub the phone so Blondie drops it. These patients are usually more fun than our surgical ones. One time, I scheduled the MRI in the totally wrong year. But I don’t feel bad. It’s a complex system, and I’m still learning it. 

5:00PM: 

The day is over! Man, these days are exhausting. I usually try to persuade Blondie to stay and nap. She never does though. She has to go get the mini humans from the day shelter. So I help her put her items up (I love batting at the phone cord!) and then I usually protect her work case. It’s a really comfy spot to nap. 

After work is over, I only have 15 hours to eat, bathe, play, groom, and relax. It’s quite stressful somedays! But I know my hard work is paying off! Although I think I’m going to request a pay raise and a really nice bonus this Christmas. Maybe some vole ice cream, and silvervine cereal. Hopefully your work days are just as productive! 

20

Cats v Toddler Noise Pollution

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Greetings fellow felines. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We’re here with an update to our living situation. As you may know, our human sister moved back home a couple of months ago with her miniature humans. They are two and three years old. We are slowly adjusting to the new situation. We have both returned to the main floor, although we are doing our best to avoid the small creatures.

Kommando: It’s gotten a lot better since they started going to the human shelter during the day some days.

Snoops: I think the humans call it a daycare.

Kommando: I guess that explains why they come home every night.

Snoops: Yeah. That was pretty disappointing the first couple of times it happened.

Kommando: At least we get to eat in peace now.

Snoops: At long as we’re done before they get home. That blonde one still eats our food if we leave it down.

Kommando: Yeah. I don’t get it. We won’t eat the wet stuff after a few hours, but he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.

Snoops: Even the salmon which isn’t that great when it’s fresh.

Sgt Stripes: Hi ladies. That sounds pretty rough. By the time they come upstairs, it’s bedtime. So I only see them for a few minutes. Of course, every morning they wake me up. Apparently they don’t like getting ready for that daycare thing.

Snoops: Do they scream and yell?

Sgt Stripes: Pretty much every morning.

Snoops: That’s the worst.

Kommando: I dunno. They’re really loud sometimes when they’re not screaming too.

Snoops: You know, cats have really sensitive hearing.

Kommando: That’s what makes us such excellent hunters.

Snoops: Our ears are really cool. The outer ear consists of the ear flap and canal. We can rotate our ears independently to hear sounds coming from different directions. Then we have the middle ear that’s full of small auditory bones and the eardrum. The inner ear has the cochlea and semicircular canals of fluid that help us maintain our amazing balance.

Kommando: And our ears are ultra cute too.

Sgt Stripes: I found a list of seven kinds of sounds cats hate on Mr. Google. Let’s see how our new housemates compare to the list. The first one is hissing.

Kommando: Ooh, yeah. I hate it when Snoops hisses at me.

Snoops: I only do that when you’re annoying.

Kommando: Well, the kids are super annoying, but they don’t hiss.

Snoops: I guess we don’t annoy or scare them.

Sgt Stripes: The second sound we don’t like is banging. It says that we don’t like pots and pans banging or doors slamming.

Snoops: That one is a major issue. Those kids are always banging things around in the kitchen.

Kommando: And our food dishes! Mom got us those nice stainless steel dishes, and they’re all over the house.

Sgt Stripes: How traumatic!

Snoops: It is. We have to talk to Mom about it.

Sgt Stripes: The next thing on the list is high-frequency sounds, like the ones that come from computer screens and television remotes.

Snoops: They have tablets that are pretty annoying. Although they don’t use them all that much.

Kommando: No, but I really dislike Peppa Pig. She is super annoying.

Sgt Stripes: Apparently we also dislike balloons popping. Do they do that?

Kommando: No. I don’t think that’s a problem.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think the next two are really an issue either. Some of us don’t like thunderstorms or fireworks either.

Snoops: I don’t think those are a problem.

Kommando: You sleep through almost anything.

Snoops: You’re just a scairdy-cat.

Kommando: I wish I knew how to hiss at you.

Sgt Stripes: I think the last one is a problem. It says that cats don’t like loud yelling or arguments. It says that the sounds coming from young children can be very stressful to kitties. We don’t like it when our humans are stressed out.

Kommando: The little humans are stressing us out!

Snoops: So what are we supposed to do?

Sgt Stripes: It says we’re supposed to find a  quiet place where we can calm down.

Kommando: I have a better idea. Let’s find a quiet place to put them.

Snoops: Let’s think about this.

20

Sgt Stripes Makes a Friend

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Hi, everybody! Sgt Stripes here. Guess what! I have two new friends, one human and one feline. I was really lonely last week because my main human went to a place called Italy for 10 days and left me all alone (except for Mom and the new human/cats). I thought I had been deserted

Then one of the new kitties moved upstairs. I guess she was supposed to be locked in one of the bedrooms until the humans had a chance to introduce us, but she escaped. She must be pretty smart. Her name is Onyx. She’s a really pretty black cat. And she smells really good.

She seems kinda shy. We sat together for a little bit one day. The next day, I sniffed her again, and she seemed to get a little offended. She went under the bed. I guess I’m going to have to keep trying to charm her.

I think she might be a little intimidated because I’m a lot bigger than she is. But I’m patient, so I’m sure we’ll be spending more time together soon. She doesn’t hiss at me like Snoops does, so I think she kinda likes me.

I really like her human mom. Snoops says they used to call her Blondie. I don’t really know why. Her hair isn’t blonde. Snoops says it used to be. She’s their human sister, so I guess she’s my human sister now too. Although my main human is her brother. I don’t know. It’s all really confusing to me. For the purposes of identifying her, I guess I’ll call her Blondie too.

She’s the mom to the two small humans. I’m not sure about them. The one seems pretty okay. He comes in once in a while and wants to pet me. He’s pretty gentle. The little one is another story. He is so LOUD and he cries a lot when he’s tired. He scares me. I try not to go near him.

Back to Blondie. She’s working from home now. And she sends the kids away during the day. Snoops says it’s some kind of shelter, and she hopes they stay there one day. I’m not really sure what a shelter is, but Snoops says she used to live in one. Mom says it’s called a daycare, so I’m guessing they’re not allowed to stay there at night. When I told Snoops, she was pretty disappointed.

Anyway, Blondie has been working upstairs since Onyx moved up. And it’s pawsome. She lets me stay in the room with her ALL DAY. And she lets me help her work. She does some kind of medical office job. We talk to patients and work on the computer. The best part is that she does something called Zoom calls. I get to see people on the computer. My brother does those sometimes too. I love Zoom calls.

Yesterday I learned how to schedule patients for some kind of testing. It’s pretty cool. Blondie uses a lot of different computer programs, and I’m learning them all. I already know how to change programs and shut them down. Pretty soon I’ll be really good at this stuff and ready to learn something else. The best part is that when I get cold, she lets me cuddle up with her.

My regular human returned yesterday, so now I have all sorts of options. I can help him with his school work. (He’s in something called grad school. I’m not really sure what that is, but it seems to take up a lot of time.) He spends a lot of time on the computer too. Or I can keep helping Blondie. And of course, I have to spend time with Mom. I don’t want her to feel deserted.

This is so exciting! I don’t even miss the lady cats anymore.

19

Cat Council: Dealing with Toddler Trauma

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Snoops: I call this meeting of the Cat Council to order. We need to discuss what’s happening in our home.

Kommando: Should we invite the new cats? They’ve been living with the invaders.

Snoops: Nah. They’re still in quarantine. Let’s deal with one problem at a time.

Sgt Stripes: I’m excited. You ladies usually ignore me.

Snoops:  We need all the brain power we can muster. This is huge.

Sgt Stripes: I did some research on the invaders. I love Mr. Google.

Kommando: Did it say anything about why they sound like howler monkeys?

Sgt Stripes: Not that I remember.

Snoops: It’s kinda true. They get started crying and it just gets really loud.

Sgt Stripes: I have noticed that. I can hear them through the floor. And the doors.

Kommando: We can even hear them in the basement.

Snoops: I wonder if they have “off” buttons?

Kommando: We should ask their Mom. Maybe she just needs to find it.

Snoops: Maybe she can find the self-cleaning button too.

Kommando: Yeah. They’re even messier than you when they eat.

Snoops: I’m not messy.

Kommando: You’re the reason we have mats under our bowls.

Snoops: I can’t help it that I have a more delicate face and don’t want it to get full of food.

Kommando: Whatever. At least you don’t leave a trail. I keep crunching crumbs under my paws.

Snoops: They don’t ever leave good stuff either. There’s never any chicken or fish laying around.

Sgt Stripes: They have kinda smelly milk too.

Snoops: I heard it’s called “oat” milk.

Kommando: What kind of cow is an “oat”?

Snoops: I don’t think it’s a cow. It smells weird.

Sgt Stripes: Nothing at all like cat milk.

Kommando: They have stuff in most of our lounging spots too. It’s really hard to get a good spot on the table anymore.

Snoops: Yeah. And there’s stuff on the sofa and chairs too.

Sgt Stripes: Too bad you guys don’t come upstairs. I lost my own bedroom, but they have a couple of beds I use regularly. Besides, when Mom cleaned the spare room, she found a huge comfy cat bed.

Snoops: I think that was mine!

Sgt Stripes: Hmm. Key word is “was”.

Snoops: Don’t give me another reason to dislike you.

Kommando: On the bright side, they’re not as grabby as I thought they might be.

Snoops: That’s true. The bigger one has petted me a couple of times, but that’s it

Sgt Stripes: I try to avoid them. But they don’t chase me, and their Mom pets me. So it’s OK.

Snoops: Yeah. I agree. Not great. But OK.

Kommando: Did Mr. Google tell you anything interesting about them?

Sgt Stripes: I learned a few interesting things:

  • Toddlers don’t really understand that they can hurt us. They don’t know that pulling our tails, or picking us up wrong, or throwing things at us can hurt us.
  • Adult humans shouldn’t leave their toddlers alone with us. They need to teach them the right way to treat us.
  • The big humans should make sure that we don’t get too stressed. If they pay attention, they can remove us before we get into a fight with the toddler.
  • There should always be a safe space for us to go and hide.

Snoops: That stuff all sounds good. Because if someone pulls my tail, I am not going to be a happy cat. and someone is going to know it.

Kommando: I think we should Mom for a new kitty condo to hide in. It seems like the least she could do for us.

Snoops: That’s an excellent idea.

Sgt Stripes: And some shelves to hide on.

Snoops: So we’re all agreed. Mom need to make this up to us.

Agreement all around.

11

A Brief Break in the Action: Cat Jokes

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Pin on Eyes Have It***!

As we told you last week, things are a little crazy around here right now. Our human sister has moved back home with her two little humans. A few days later, she came back with her two cats. So we have five new house members! We are not pleased, but we are adapting.
Mom is really tired. So we decided to give her a break this week and find some jokes to post. That way she won’t have to think. (She says her brain is full right now.)
Smart Cat ! - 9GAG
First, some quotations:
  1. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. – Anon
  2. There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats. – Anon
  3. Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God. – Anon
  4. I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. – Hippolyte Taine
  5. Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later. – Mary Bly
  6. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. – Jeff Valdez

25 Pictures of Spoiled Cats that Probably Live Better than We Do! Part II - We Love Cats and Kittens

Cat Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I’ll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!

Author Unknown

Canary? | Cheezburger cat, Funny cats, Funny cat memes

2 cats were looking into a green canary’s cage. The first cat said to the second cat, “That’s not a canary. It’s green!”

The second cat said, “I don’t know, maybe it’s not ripe yet!”

7 Hilarious Cat TikTok Accounts to Make You Laugh | Pawlicy Advisor

What do you get if you cross…

A cat with a canary? – Shredded tweet!
A cat and a gorilla? – An animal that puts you out at night!
A cat with a bottle of vinegar? – A sourpuss!
A cat with a parrot? – A carrot!
A cat with a tree? – A cat-a-log!
A cat with Father Christmas? – Santa Claws!
A cat and a donkey? – A Mewl.

Premium Photo | Singing cats disco of 80s concert of 90s karaoke with kittens abstract generative ai illustration

What is a cat’s…

Favorite song? Three Blind Mice.
Favorite color? Purrrrrrrple!
Favorite subject in school? HISStory.
Favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Favorite movie? “The Sound of Mewsic.”
Favorite car? The Catillac.
Favorite party game? Mews-ical chairs!
Favorite TV show? The evening mews!

12 Cats Who Are Serious About Reading | Book memes, Book humor, Funny cat memes
Hope you enjoyed what we found! Purrs, Snoops, Kommando Kitty and Sgt Stripes.
Pictures courtesy of Google Images
20

OMC!! Our World is Upside-Down

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Sgt Stripes here. I’m helping Mom type the post, and I am not a happy cat. We’ve been invaded. And apparently it’s of indefinite duration. I’m a very chill dude, and most things don’t bother me. (Although I do wish the lady cats liked me more.) But my furs are totally ruffled.

The blonde woman is here with her two screaming children. And they’re staying in MY room. And they keep bringing more stuff. Pretty soon there won’t be room for me. Of course, I don’t really want to be in there with them anyway. I’m trying to decide whether I should take up residence in Mom’s room (that’s where my cat tree is) or my human brother’s room (it has the best cat TV).

It’s me, Snoops. For once, the man-cat is right. We’ve been overrun. It appears that our human sister is back for a while. And she brought the small humans with her. We were really mad at her when she left, but at least she’s family. The two little ones are just a problem.

They run around the house and make a lot of noise. And they want to TOUCH us. We are very selective about who we let touch us. And the list does not include anyone under four feet tall. And it does not include anyone who screams or cries. (We make an exception when Mom cries – we just don’t let her rub her face in our fur.)

Kommando Kitty here. And they keep trying to eat our kibble. NO ONE is allowed to touch our kibble. Snoops takes care of any mouse who tries. And the big humans yell like it’s going to hurt the kid. We have excellent kibble, and we do not want to share it with a couple of little humans who don’t even understand the proper way to bathe.

Speaking of which – all humans smell weird, but little humans smell extra weird. Apparently they haven’t been litter-trained. So they have that on top of the weird regular human smell. And they eat funny stuff too. Nothing good to share with us cats. I’m really not seeing a lot of positives in the current situation.

Snoops again. And it may get worse. I overheard our human sister saying that she misses “her” kitties. I think she’s referring to the pests who relegated us upstairs a couple of years ago. I certainly hope that she’s not planning on having them visit again.

Sgt Stripes – More lady cats? That would be scary. Although, maybe they would be nicer to me. It would be better than having any more small humans running around.

20

Sgt Stripes: One Year and Going Strong

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Hi, everyone! It’s me, Sgt Stripes. Today’s a big day. It’s my first Gotcha Day. It’s been exactly one year since I traded in my man-parts for a new home. (Technically, it wasn’t a trade. But Mom wouldn’t let me move into the house until I was neutered. Something about not wanting me to mark my territory.) I don’t really understand it. I mean the whole house is mine, right?

Anyway, it’s kinda hard to believe it’s been a whole year. I thought the lady cats would have adapted to me by now. I guess I shouldn’t have chased Kommando so hard that first time. Snoops still hasn’t forgiven me. She hisses whenever she sees me. Sheesh. Talk about holding a grudge. I usually have to take to the high ground to make sure I see her before she sees me.

I miss lying in the sun. But I don’t miss the snow and rain. It is so nice to have dry fur all the time. And I have a couple of really nice window seats. I can say good-bye to Mom when she leaves in the morning. (It’s pretty cool – If I meow when she leaves, she feels badly about leaving me.)

And I live snuggling! The place if full of blankets and quilts and soft spots to nap. It’s pretty much kitty nirvana around here.

I haven’t adapted to wet food. Mom’s tried every flavor she can find. But I really like kibble and treats. (Except fish flavored. I don’t like fish.) I definitely don’t see the appeal of human food. The stuff they’ve given me has been really disgusting. There isn’t much wildlife to catch. I’ve only seen a few mice. No chipmunks or voles. I love my water fountain. It is so much better than drinking out of puddles. And it’s never-ending. Even in the heat.

I have lots of toys too. I have laser pointers and little stuffed mice. But Mom is kind of particular. She has a couple of stuffed hedgehogs that look a LOT like my toys, but she says those are hers. She has a couple of other stuffed animals that are off limits too. It’s really not fair. But she doesn’t really touch my toys, so I guess she thinks it’s fair. Like she never touches my red dot or green dots. And she shares the computer.

I like to jump and climb. There’s an armoire that I can jump on so I’m even taller than my human brother. I use it to survey my domain. And I just discovered the highest place upstairs. There’s a partial wall in the bathroom that goes almost all the way up to the ceiling. (I have to crouch down when I’m up there, it’s so close.) It’s between the bathtub and the human litter box. Some rubber ducks live up there. The other morning, I discovered that I can push the ducks off and they land on Mom while she’s using the human litter box. It was so much fun! She was not amused.

I’m hoping I’m going to get full run of the house soon. I didn’t get to see the Christmas tree last year. I got a little one of my own. Mom wasn’t really excited when I tried to eat it. I can’t wait to see the real thing. I think I’d really like the presents too. And the windows downstairs are bigger too. Hopefully, by next year, I’ll have lots of new adventures to tell you about.   

13

A Gator’s Guide to Hurricane Season

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Featured Animals - American Alligator - CMZoo

The school year had just begun, and Suzy and Justine were going through their backpacks retrieving all the paperwork.

Justine: They need you to fill out the emergency contact forms, Mom.

Adele: What happened to last year’s forms?

Suzy: They expired.

Adele: I’ve given them the same information every year since you girls started school. Why can’t they just use that?

Suzy: Guess they want to make sure you and Dad haven’t killed each other over the summer.

Adele: What else?

Brave the Adventure at Gatorland: A Thrilling Experience in Florida - Truck That Beach

Suzy: They’re looking for parent volunteers for the lunch room

Adele: No chance.

Stan: Do they feed me?

Justine: You can chaperone the fall social.

Adele: Nope.

Justine: Want to bake cupcakes?

Adele: Next paper.

Cheeky alligator crashes students' picnic lunch - and then helps himself to sandwich - Mirror Online

Justine: Are we signing up for school lunches?

Adele: I wish. You girls hate the school lunches.

Suzy: It’s not our fault they serve so much mystery protein. They act like alligators will eat anything.

Stan: Uh. Actually, we’re kinda known for that.

Justine: It’s disgusting, Daddy. My body is a temple, and I want to take care of it.

Suzy: Yeah. If I’m going to eat snake, I want to know I’m eating snake. I don’t want it ground up looking like hamburger.

Adele: You two are princesses. No school lunches. What else?

Firefighter Fights To Keep Pizza, Cookie Loving Pet Gator He's Had For 50 Years - YouTube

Suzy: Our first fund-raiser is selling pizzas.

Adele: That doesn’t sound too bad. What are you raising money for?

Suzy: We need new mats in the gym. Apparently someone ate the old ones.

Justine: Eww. Probably had too many school lunches.

Suzy: Here’s the last thing.

American Alligator | Stone Zoo

Adele: A Gator’s Guide to Hurricanes? What’s that?

Justine: It’s part of the new school safety project.

Adele: It says that alligators can sense when a storm is approaching. When the barometric pressure drops, we can feel it in our skin.

Stan: That’s true. Granny always knows when a storm is coming.

Adele: Your mother swears it’s going to be a hurricane every time she gets an ache in one of her joints. Most of the time, it’s just a thunderstorm.

Stan: Those sensors probably don’t work as well inside.

Suzy: I think we should just watch the Weather Channel like everyone else.

Justine: Or the Weather Gator app.

Alligator crawls out of Mobile storm drain

Adele: It says that when we “sense” a bad storm coming, we should seek shelter someplace we can get into and out of easily. They recommend a storm drain.

Justine: It also recommends heading for the water since we can stay under it for a long time.

Suzy: I cannot stay under water. I’d drown.

Justine: You’re supposed to come up once in a while to breathe. Don’t be a doofus.

Adele: They also say the swamp is a good place to hide. We can submerge there.

Suzy: This all sounds really uncivilized. Why can’t we just head inland?

The Alligator in the Backyard: 5 Things to Include in Your Home Quote - Alliance Insurance

Adele: The brochure says that hurricane season is an excellent time to go house-hunting. Particularly if you live in a neighborhood near humans.

Justine: That’s probably true. Most of them leave.

Stan: I think they’d want their houses back after the storm.

Justine: Yeah. They do usually come back. I wonder why they think we would steal someone’s house.

Stan: Or their belongings.

Can Alligators Climb Trees? - Wildlife Informer

Suzy: I think that brochure is crazy. It also says that we can wait out the storm in the hole of a tree or a cave. It makes us sound like barbarians.

Adele: It does seem a little primitive. Where did you say it came from Justine?

Justine: Let me see what it says.

She flipped the brochure over and looked at the back.

Justine: I found the problem. It was written by a human “for the benefit of my reptilian companions.”

Suzy: I knew it! We alligators are much more civilized.

Nice' alligator dons tux, serves as ring bearer in central Pa. wedding - pennlive.com

We wish all our readers in hurricane territory the best during the storm season.

(Pictures courtesy of Google Images. )

15

Snoops: A Day in the Life

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Hello Everyone. It’s me, Snoops. Since Kommando Kitty and Sgt Stripes have been writing posts, I thought you might be interested in learning a little bit more about me. After all, I am senior cat and chief defender of hearth and home around here. I am head mouser and Kommando’s protector. Here’s what my average day looks like:

 

Early Morning

Long before it’s light, I’m up and on the job. The early hours are the prime time for mousing around here. The best place to find them is the pantry. They love the chocolate chips and nuts that Mom keeps for baking. She finally got smart and started putting those things in plastic containers, but the mice still hang around that part of the pantry. I also need to patrol the study and dining room on a daily basis.

I usually leave the mice for Mom and Human Brother (HB). They are TERRIBLE hunters. They think it’s a sign of affection, but I really am trying to keep them from starving. Kommando is also bad at hunting; she thinks mice are toys. Everyone once in a while, I’ll snack on one, but the food is pretty good here.

Morning

Eventually, I hear Mom moving around upstairs. I am not pleased that I no longer have full run of the house. I wish they would finish training Sgt Stripes. The last time he got downstairs, I had to bop him on the head to keep him in line. He runs around like he owns the place.

After what seems like forever, she finally comes downstairs. I jump on the table for morning cuddles then wait for breakfast. She found some new food, that is better than I expected. We’d been eating the old stuff for YEARS and were so bored. Then I join her at the breakfast table for more pets and cuddles before work. She’s pretty well trained. Sometimes I have to share the space with Kommando Kitty. Luckily HB is usually there and can do some of the cuddles.

Right before Mom leaves for work, we get treats. Kommando is really pushy, so she always gets hers first. That’s okay, because she only eats them part of the time. So I get double treats a lot of the time. Sometimes HB leaves after Mom, but he works really weird hours so it seems like he’s around a lot.

Days

HB usually goes upstairs after Mom leaves. So I sometimes chase Kommando around a little bit, but most of the time I settle in for a nice nap. This time of year is great because there are a lot of sun puddles. It hasn’t been really hot in Michigan, so it is very pleasant.

Eventually HB comes back downstairs. Usually to work in the kitchen. Mom says he’s a really good cook, but I’m not sure I agree. Once in a while, he makes tuna and shares with us. That’s really pawsome. But most of the time, his food is revolting. Lots of beans and non-meat stuff. If he does make chicken or fish, you usually can’t find it because of the other stuff he mixes in. I always have to supervise; I keep hoping he’s going to surprise us.

Sometimes HB cleans. That’s not much fun. He’s really loud and moves stuff all over. I have to watch my tail. And his feet. He has almost stepped on me. On the bright side, he usually finds missing toys. I don’t really like to supervise cleaning. I usually look for a place to hide. If he doesn’t vacuum, I can nap or play with Kommando. She’s a good sister – not great – but good.

Days are usually a combination of snacking, napping, bird/wildlife watching, playing with or without Kommando, and supervising the human.

Evenings

Mom gets home around dinner time. Since HB cooks, we wait at the table with her. We help her read email and respond to messages. I don’t know how she’d get anything done without us. Between the three of us (Mom, Kommando, and me), we take up the whole side of the table.

We usually hang around while they eat. I’m not sure why. Like I said, most of the food is barely edible. But I don’t want to take a chance on missing something. Every once in a while, there’s a baked fish in the middle of all of the beans and greens. And chicken shows up fairly often. Besides, they’d be lonely without us.

After dinner, we all hang out in the living room. I usually sit with HB, and Kommando sits with Mom. The humans read or do computer stuff. Sometimes they watch TV. I don’t really like TV, but it does leave their hands free for petting. I usually nap for a while.

Nights

After they go upstairs, I’ll nap for a while longer. Then it’s snack time again. Then more napping before it’s time to wake up for another day.