Category Archives: Animals

20

Yak Express: We Don’t Do That

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Loaded Yak, Mount Everest, Tibet

Today we are listening in on a customer phone service experience with Borris, representative of Yak Express, and Muffin, an unhappy customer. 

Cute Animals: Funny Cat with Cell Phone

Borris: “Thank you for calling Yak Express. This is Borris. May I please get your name, and order number?”

Muffin: “Hi, my name is Muffin, order number is C1029. 

Borris: “Thank you. I see this is regarding your Fish in a Bowl, is that correct?”

Footprints of the yak: The man who has spent four decades preserving Sikkim's lifeline

Muffin: “Yes” 

Borris: “How may I help you today?”

Muffin: “I am very displeased with your service, and I demand a full refund on my shipping!” 

Kitten Watching Fish in a Bowl with Amusement. Art Prints from Ardea

Borris: “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask what the issue is?”

Muffin: “I paid for same day delivery, as I intended to play with my meal, then eat it. This cost me a whole silvervine stick! However, your stupid delivery yak didn’t get me my fish in a bowl for 2 whole days!” 

Borris: “I’m so sorry that happened to you. Were you given a reason for the delay?”

Wild Yak Wallowing in the Mud - YouTube

Muffin: “He claims that the mud was too deep from the recent rains to get through. What sort of yak can’t plow through a little mud?”

Borris: “I see. Unfortunately, he is correct, for the safety of our yaks, if there are excessive or extreme conditions, we prohibit them from delivering”. 

Muffin: “That is unacceptable! By the time my fish in a bowl arrived, he was belly side up, and no fun to play with at all!” Cat angry store

Borris: “I understand your frustration. I can definitely offer you a refund on your silvervine stick.” 

Muffin: “What about my fish in a bowl? Are you going to replace that?” 

Borris: “I don’t see how that would be possible. We’re Yak Express, not Fish ‘R’ Us.” 

Cat Hissing: Everything You Need to Know | Great Pet Care

Muffin: “Exactly! Express! And you didn’t deliver expressly! And now I’m out a fish in a bowl! I demand you replace my fish in a bowl!”

Borris: “If you order a new fish in a bowl, we’ll be happy to ship it, free of charge. Unfortunately, we can not physically provide the fish in a bowl”. 

Muffin: “Well, you’re just useless, aren’t you”?

MJ constantly drinks water out of the fish bowl until she can pet the fish. She never hurts the fish, just wants to pet. : r/shittyaquariums

Borris: “Sorry, I’m not sure what you want me to do.” 

Muffin: “I want you to get me a new fish in a bowl!” 

Borris: “I can see this is going nowhere. I will refund your silvervine stick, and it will be delivered to you via Yak Express same day shipping. You should receive it by 5:00 tonight.” 

The yak is an imposing giant of the high mountains

Muffin: “And my fish in a bowl”? 

Borris: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to go through the retailer for that.” 

Muffin: ‘Ugh! I hope all of your naps get interrupted”. 

Borris: “Thank you for calling Yak Express. Please call us back if you have any shipping needs. Have a fur-tastic day”!

Why Tibetan Yaks are Indispensable in Tibet?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

20

Letters to the Easter Bunny

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The Unusual History of the Easter Bunny | Easter Traditions

A couple of weeks before Easter, Santa Claus stopped by the Easter Bunny’s main burrow on Easter Island. He was amazed to see that it was almost as busy as his workshop at Christmas.

Santa: Goodness. This place is really hopping!

Easter Bunny: If that’s supposed to be a joke, this is not a good time. We are really busy getting ready for the big day.

Santa: What are you talking about? Christmas isn’t for another eight months.

Welcome to Santa Claus Village | Arctic Circle, Rovaniemi Lapland

Easter Bunny: Do you live in a cave the rest of the year? Easter is only fifteen days away!

Santa: Surely it can’t be that hard painting a few eggs to ship around the world.

Easter Bunny: No. Seriously. Do you not pay any attention to anything after Christmas?

Santa: Well, I usually take the whole crew to a small island off Denmark for a few weeks after Christmas. Just to chill out after the rush.

Busy Bunny? 8 Quick Ways to Spruce-up your Website this Spring

Easter Bunny: So you have no idea how crazy things get around here in March and April?

Santa: I try to ignore social media. There’s a lot of negativity out there.,

Easter Bunny: I meant do you pay any attention to current events?

Santa: Not really. Humans depress me.

Easter Bunny: I can understand that. But Easter’s a lot more popular with the animals than Christmas.

Santa: That can’t be right. I’m beloved everywhere.

The Stick Monster (New Bunny Toy Idea)

Easter Bunny: Really? Listen to this.

Pulls out a letter and reads: Dear EB, I am so excited to see you, I can hardly wait. I never knew there was a big bunny who gives out presents. I’ve been a good bunny. Please bring me some new sticks to chew on and some alfalfa. We are leaving a treat for you outside the door.

Santa: Boy, he’s gonna be disappointed when all he gets are eggs.

Easter Bunny: What do you mean? I give out treats too.

Santa: I don’t think grass and sticks are really treats. What about the toys?

How to Play With a Kitten | Small Door Veterinary

Easter Bunny: Here’s another one.

Dear Easter Bunny: Mama says that you bring treats to all of the good girls and boys, not just bunnies. I’m a little kitty. Would you please bring me a toy with a bell in it? Thank you, Maggie

Santa: You don’t really deliver that type of thing do you?

Easter Bunny: Of course I do. I have Easter magic the same as you have Christmas magic.

Medium Oval Easter Basket | Natural Decorative Amish Woven Wicker

Santa is looking over the Easter Bunny’s list of deliveries.

Santa: Why don’t I know most of these names? Who are these children?

Easter Bunny: They’re not children. They’re small animals. I only deliver Easter baskets to the humans. My special orders are all young animals.

Santa: Why don’t they ask me for toys? Most animals like toys.

Easter Bunny: A lot of them are afraid of you.

Laughing santa claus cartoon Royalty Free Vector Image

Santa: How is that possible?

Easter Bunny: You are a very large human with a very loud voice. That’s scary to a lot of small animals.

Santa: Hmm. I never thought about that.

Easter Bunny: And you are on television and in stores. Most animals steer clear of human activities.

Santa: That’s probably smart.

Yak | Wild Ox of Asia, Himalayas & Tibet | Britannica

Easter Bunny: Besides, animals don’t have any use for most of what you bring at Christmas. You’re too human-centric.

Santa: That might be true. How do you get all of this done by Easter?

Easter Bunny: I have rabbits and hares all over the world to help. And if it’s too remote, we use Yak Express.

Santa: I like them. Very dependable.  I guess I’ll leave you to your work. Maybe we can get lunch after Easter.

Easter Bunny: Sounds good to me.

Cute Cats All Dressed Up For Easter (15 Photos)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

27

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation – Part 3

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Feeding Cuteness on the Himalayas: Up Close and Personal with Adorable Marmots

Where we are: Sophie Marmot and her daughters woke up from hibernation to a clubhouse for their subdivision being built right over their burrow. Unable to stop construction on her own, Sophie has hired  an attorney, Java Gorilla, to help her. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Xavier News | GRIZZLY versus GORILLA: Who Would Win?

Java has been granted an emergency order to stop construction on the clubhouse. He told Sophie and the girls that it was safe to stay in their burrow and that they should stay there so there would be no issue of abandonment. In the meantime, he sent out his ace evidence team, the Super Sleuth Snake Squad (S4) to see what they could find. He had requested a hearing in front of Judge Peter T Possum. Sophie was visiting his office.

Gorilla In Hat Sitting At The Desk Background, Funny Picture Work, Funny, Picture Background Image And Wallpaper for Free Download

Sophie: How are things looking, Java?

Java: Let me find out. Spencer, would you please come in here?

A very large prairie rattlesnake came in. Sophie was terrified. Java spoke up quickly.

Java: Don’t worry Sophie. He won’t hurt you. Spencer is my top investigator. He’s here to help you.

Spencer: Very pleased to meet you.

Sophie: P-p-pleased to meet you.

Prairie Rattlesnake

Java: What have you found out, Spencer?

Spencer: First, the original plan filed with the county doesn’t show a clubhouse. That was added later.

Java: Does it show the clubhouse over Sophie’s burrow?

Spencer: Originally it was going to be quite a ways south of her burrow. It was going to be at the edge of the subdivision, bordering on land that is currently occupied by bears.

Marmots | Catseye Pest Control

Sophie: That agrees with what my neighbors told me. How did it end up over my burrow?

Spencer: That is an excellent question. There is no paperwork filed for that location. My team is still working on that.

Sophie: Will it be ready in time for our meeting with the judge?

Java: Don’t worry. S4 has never let me down.

Picked-On Marmots May Inherit Their Low Social Position | Discover Magazine

Sophie went home feeling very nervous. Java seemed like such a nice, professional gorilla. What if the snakes couldn’t find anything. By the time the meeting with the judge occurred, she was sure they wouldn’t be able to find anything to hold Maurice Dupree accountable.

When she arrived at the court building, she saw Java waiting for her. She also saw Maurice, the president of the Homeowners Association (HOA). He looked very relaxed and was talking on his phone. They all went in and sat in a conference room. Maurice did not have an attorney with him.

Opossum | Game Commission | Commonwealth of Pennsylvania

Judge Possum: I understand that we are here to determine whether or not a clubhouse should be build over the burrow of Ms. Sophie Marmot-Jones. Is that correct?

Maurice: That is correct, Your Honor.

Java: Yes, that is the issue. My client woke up from hibernation to the sound of stakes being driven into her living quarters.

Maurice: She knew when she moved in that there we were going to build a clubhouse in the spring. She signed a contract with that information included. I have a copy with me.

Koko Eats Paper - The Gorilla Foundation

He handed the contract to the judge. Judge Possum looked at the section that Maurice had highlighted.

Judge Possum: I see that construction of the clubhouse was included. However, I don’t see a location.

Java: That’s because the location on the paperwork is not where he was building. The paperwork he filed shows the clubhouse being on the other side of the subdivision.

Maurice: You obviously missed the addendum we filed. We had to move the clubhouse because the original location was in a high-traffic part of the subdivision.

Mount Rainier National Park... - Mount Rainier National Park

Judge Possum: Please give me a copy of that addendum.

Maurice: My assistant filed it. It should be public record.

Judge Possum: Then give me a copy.

Java: Excuse me, your Honor. We have researched the public records thoroughly. There is no addendum,. However, we did find someone who knows why it was moved. May I give you their statement?

Angry Gorilla by Paulette Thomas

Maurice: I have a right to see what you’re giving the judge.

Judge Possum: He’s right. He should have been given a copy.

Java: I didn’t think I needed to give it to him. He’s one of the signers on the document.

Maurice: That’s ridiculous. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

More cute opossum. | Fandom

Judge Possum: Let me see it.

The judge looked over the paperwork. It was a short note attached to a receipt.

Judge Possum: This says you moved the clubhouse after Rafael Bear performed several jobs for you. You signed the receipt.

Maurice: It wasn’t going to be a problem until Sophie moved in at the end of the summer. That spot had been open for a long time.

37 Photos of Ridiculously Happy Animals that are Bound to Make You Smile

Judge Possum: I see. She’s there now, and she shouldn’t have to live with stakes in her home and all of the noise. You’re going to have to remove all of the building materials from that location and build somewhere else. Be sure to file the correct paperwork the next time.

Maurice: Yes, Your Honor.

Java: Thank you, Your Honor.

Happy Birthday Marmots! – The Vancouver Island Marmot Recovery Foundation

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

19

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation – Part 2

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Himalayan marmot, India 2016 | Only one species of marmot (M… | Flickr

Where we are: Sophie Marmot and her daughters had moved into a new burrow last fall. They had awoken from hibernation to find that their Homeowners Association (HOA) was building a clubhouse directly over their burrow. Both the builders and the president of the HOA told her that nothing could be done. You can read about it here.

Fur flies as angry Swiss farmers take aim at marmots

After talking to some of her neighbors, Sophie had learned  that the clubhouse was not originally planned to be over her burrow. The original plan was to build it near the entry of the subdivision, just off the woods.There had been a lot of arguing among the animals who lived in the woods but would not be allowed to use the clubhouse. As far as anyone knew, the issue hadn’t been resolved prior to hibernation.

Long-tailed marmot - Wikipedia

Sophie: I guess I need to find out who decided to move it over my burrow.

Nelly: That won’t be easy. Maurice controls everything.

Sophie: Then I’ll have to talk to a lawyer. We have an old family friend who should be able to help.

Sophie and the girls made an appointment to see Stanley J Marmot, Attorney at Law.

Alpine Marmot (Marmota marmota) · iNaturalist

Stanley: Welcome to my office. May I ask how you got my name? I like to thank folks who send me referrals.

Sophie: Actually you did some work for my uncle, Stuart Yellow-Belly, and my father Mortimer.

Stanley thought for a few minutes.

Stanley: I’m sorry, what did you say your uncle’s name was?

Sophie: Stuart Yellow-Belly

Stanley: You’d think I would remember a name like that.

photographs by Mark Chappell

The girls looked at each other and tried not to giggle.

Sophie: You helped him sell some property. He spoke very highly of you.

Stanley: That’s nice to hear. How is Stuart?

Sophie: Unfortunately, he passed away last year.

Stanley: I’m sorry to hear that. You said I knew your father as well?

Sophie: Yes, Mortimer Yellow-Belly.

Yellow Bellied Marmot | Umpqua Watersheds

Stanley: Those are very interesting names. Your grandmother was very creative.

Sophie: She was a yellow-bellied Marmot.

Stanley. Oh, yes. That makes sense. Did you have a reason to come by?

Sophie was wondering if she should just tell him that she had changed her mind. But her father had spoken very highly of Stanley. So she told him the entire story about purchasing the burrow and waking up to a clubhouse being built over it. Stuart had closed his eyes, and she wasn’t certain he was still awake.

Free Stock Photo of A group of groundhogs in grass | Download Free Images and Free Illustrations

Sophie: So I was speaking with my neighbors who have been in the HOA longer than us. They said that the plan had not been to build the clubhouse over my burrow. I need to find out why the plans changed.

Stanley: That does sound very unfortunate. Did you sign a contract with the HOA?

Sophie: Yes, I did. I brought it with me.

Stanley glanced over the contract and stopped at the last page.

Marmot - Wikipedia

Stanley: Is this your signature?

Sophie: Yes, it is.

Stanley: Then you have to abide by the rules of the HOA.

Sophie: But there’s nothing in that about the location of the clubhouse. I need you to find out whether it was changed after I moved into my burrow.

Stanley: How would you suggest I do that?

Sophie: I don’t know. That’s why I need a lawyer.

Yosemite)Nose to Nose....yet another marmot picture but t… | Flickr

Stanley: Oh. I see. I really don’t see that you have much of a case here. You did agree to live in the subdivision with this HOA setting the rules.

Sophie was almost in tears.

Sophie: Thank you for your time.

Stanley: My pleasure. Please say hello to your uncle and father for me.

World Wildlife Fund | WWFGifts Catalog

When they returned to their burrow, they discovered that the entryway had partially collapsed from the work above it. They had to dig out a new entry.

Nikki: Mama, do we have to move?

Sophie: No, sweetie. We’re going to have to figure out a way to stop the building. Maybe I should talk to that nice bear I met the other day.

Nikki: Bears are scary. I don’t think you should do that.

Viaero Wireless - It's Groundhog Day! | Facebook

Zoe had been scrolling through her phone. She handed it to her mother.

Zoe: Maybe you should try this guy. It says he specializes in helping prey animals against predators.

Nikki: We’re not going to be eaten.

Zoe: No. But we’re definitely less powerful than Maurice.

Photo & Art Print Gorilla monkey looking at smartphone. Generative AI

Sophie (looking at the phone): I guess it’s worth a try.

Sophie dialed the number and waited nervously. 

Voice: Java J Gorilla, Attorney-at-Law. How can I help you?

Sophie quickly explained what was going on.

Meet Shabani the gorilla, the internet's latest unlikely crush | Animals | The Guardian

Java: What is the name of the subdivision?

Sophie: Marmot Meadows.

Java: Who is in charge of the HOA?

Sophie: Maurice Dupree.

Java: I know that name. And I think I can help you.

Rain is not doing us good... - Gorilla safari uganda. | Facebook

Next week: Can Java actually do anything for Sophie?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

25

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation

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Yellow-bellied Marmot

Sophie Marmot and her two daughters,Nikki and Zoe, had moved into a large new burrow at the beginning of last summer. It was at the edge of the woods near some large rocks. She had wanted to burrow toward the woods, but the Homeowners Association (HOA) had said that burrows could not be pointed in that direction. Maurice, the head of the HOA, gave Sophie a binder full of rules regarding what she could and couldn’t do with her property.

What is hibernation? - Nature Alberta

Regardless of the restrictions, Sophie and the girls loved their new home. The door was well-hidden under a rock, and there was plenty of space for living and sleeping. They happily settled into hibernation in October and passed the winter peacefully. As they slowly began to come out of hibernation, they were startled awake by a loud pounding.

Zoe: Mama, what is that?

Nikki: It sounds like it’s coming right into the burrow.

Marmots

Sophie: Don’t worry. I’m sure we’re safe in here. It just sounds very loud.

They huddled together and waited for the noise to stop. Suddenly, with a loud bang, a rod came through the ceiling of the tunnel. It barely missed Nikki. She screamed.

Sophie: That’s enough. I’m going outside to see what is going on.

Zoe: We’re coming too. I’m afraid they won’t miss us if they do that again.

The Marmots of British Columbia ...

They quietly crawled along the tunnel until they reached the door. Sunlight was streaming into the tunnel.

Nikki: Where’s our rock, Mama? Did a badger try to get in to eat us?

Zoe: Or a wolf or a coyote?

Sophie: Don’t worry girls. I’m sure we were much too far in the tunnel for anyone to come hunting for us.

Why do beavers build dams? - BBC Science Focus Magazine

They cautiously crept out of the tunnel and looked around. There were beavers everywhere, working on what appeared to be a large building. Sophie walked up to one of them and asked who was in charge. He pointed at two beavers talking to each other at the edge of the woods.

Sophie: Excuse me, the beaver said that you are in charge of what is going on? Who are you?

Beaver: My name is Jacques, and this is my brother Marcel. We own J&M Builders.

Bringing back beavers | Shropshire Wildlife Trust

Zoe: I know you. I’ve seen you on AniGram. You have those, “We build til you’re thrilled” videos.

Marcel: Yep, That’s us.

Zoe: Why are you here?

Jacques: We’re building a clubhouse for the Marmot Meadows subdivision.

Sophie: Why are you building it on top of our burrow? You almost killed us.

Jacques: Sorry, Ma’am. We’re just following orders.

Aspen and Juniper: A Beaver Love Story | Smithsonian's National Zoo and Conservation Biology Institute

Sophie: Who hired you?

Jacques: Let me check. It looks like the paperwork was signed by Maurice Dupree. Do you know anyone by that name?

Sophie: Yes. He’s the idiot who told me I had to dig my burrow here. You can’t put a building over my burrow.

Jacques: I think you need to take it up with Mr. Dupree. We can’t make any changes unless he tells us to stop what we’re doing.

A Relocated Bear Walked 1,000 Miles Back to Its Favorite Campsite

Sophie walked away chittering to herself. She was so angry, she almost ran into a large black bear.

Sophie: I’m very sorry. Please forgive me.

Bear: Not a problem. I’m Rafael. Are you a marmot by chance?

Sophie: Yes I am. Why do you ask?

Rafael: I’m looking for a Marmot named Maurice. Do you know where I might find him?

Whisper | The Walt Disney Family Museum

Sophie: I’m looking for him myself. He seems to have authorized those beavers to put their building up over my burrow.

They had reached Maurice’s door. Sophie knocked, and Maurice came to the door.

Maurice: Rafael! Good to see you. How are things going?

Rafael: Can’t complain. I just wanted to thank you for moving your clubhouse away from our den. I’m sure it will be a lot quieter at our end of the woods now.

Sophie: On the other hand, I’m here to complain. Your clubhouse is going to be directly over my burrow. The girls and I aren’t going to get any sleep. And they put a pole right through our dining room. It’s not safe.

Angry Marmot | Explore: Highest position 456 | Luca Bobbiesi | Flickr

Maurice: Sophie, dear. Just let them finish. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you expect. The rest of us hibernate at the same time you do. You won’t be disturbed at all.

Sophie: I paid a lot for that spot. I should be able to enjoy it.

Maurice: Perhaps you didn’t read the special assessment you signed last fall. It said that we would be building a clubhouse for all members and it would be centrally located. There really isn’t anything I can do for you.

Sophie was furious, but she walked off.

Groundhog Standing | Anne Ahearne | Flickr

Next week: Can Sophie get her privacy back?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

25

A Gator Family Wedding – Part 3

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Alligator Hatchling

Where we are: The family is gathering in the Everglades for Stu and Amanda’s wedding.The ceremony will be on the beach with reception following in the swamp. They finally got all the details straightened out. The only problem is that Stu didn’t make it home from the bachelor party, and no one knows where he is. Amanda, the bride, and Vinny, Stu’s son, are fighting. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Angry Crocodile | Nile Crocodile | Jim Hatzell | Flickr

Amanda: I knew a bachelor party was a bad idea. How did you lose your father?

Vinny: I didn’t lose him. We all left together. I don’t know why he didn’t get on the boat.

Amanda: Didn’t you check to make sure he was on the boat before you left?

Vinny: He was right behind me. I don’t know what happened.

Amanda: Well you need to find him. The wedding is in two days.

Vinny was angry. Why did his father always disappear when something important was happening. He had never met another gator who was so likely to disappear with no notice. Someone knocked at the door.

Crocodiles in suburbia: here's how they navigate our world

Amanda: Stu! Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick about you!

Stu: Honey, I’ve told you never to worry about me. I get sidetracked but eventually I always find my way home.

Amanda: Thank goodness! Vinny and I were worried sick. I thought he’d left you behind.

Stu: Technically, he did. When we were leaving, he spent so much time talking at the dock, that I decided to use the washroom. He was just pulling out. I guess he couldn’t hear me over the motor.

S.S. Why I Otter” Provides Environment Enrichment at Aquarium | UTC News

Amanda: How did you get back?

Stu: A very nice otter brought me back on his raft.

Vinny: We’re glad you made it home.

Stu: I always do. You worry too much.

Brown Bears, Alaska Bear Camp and Being There

The wedding was held two days later on the beach. The bear in charge created a beautiful ceremony. Afterward, everyone went to the Everglades Inn for the reception.Stu had managed to get his old band Acrocalypse to play. Amanda wasn’t a huge fan of punk croc music, but she agreed to a compromise. Her string quartet played during dinner, and Stu’s buddies played afterwards.

Alligators love pink

Adele: That was a lovely wedding, don’t you think?

Stan: It went much smoother than I expected.

Justine: Where are they going for their honeymoon?

Adele: I don’t know. We can ask them when they come by.

Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency officials say alligators are migrating to Tennessee.

A while later.

Stan: Here’s the happy couple. Congratulations!

Stu: Thank you. I thought it went well.

Amanda: The weather was perfect.

Suzy: Where are you going for your honeymoon?

Premium Photo | Cuban crocodile is jumping out of the water

Stu and Amanda answered together.

Amanda: Grand Cayman.

Stu: Grand Canyon.

They looked at each other and started to laugh.

Stu: I guess we’ll have to look at the tickets when we get back to our room.

Official Looks for Alligator Near Arizona Strip | KSL.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

20

A Gator Family Wedding – Part 2

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Soni and Chompers are OFFICIALLY MARRIED!!! 🥳 I can't tell you how excited I am that the two are no longer living in sin 😂 Have you watched the wedding yet? (On

Where we are:Stu and Amanda are getting married on Valentine’s Day. A week before the wedding, they found out that the officiant would not be able to perform the ceremony. Their wedding planner, Stella, is looking for a replacement. Meanwhile, Stu was getting ready for his bachelor party. You can read Part 1 here.

Parties - Davis Farmland is the perfect place for parties

Stan: What will you ladies be doing while we’re at the party.

Justine: Granny is throwing a little party for Amanda.

Stan: I thought that Amanda hated the idea of a party. She just wanted to relax before the wedding.

Adele: You know Granny. She could sell ice to a polar bear. It’s not going to be anything fancy. Just hanging around her house, drinking her famous palm cocktails and eating her amazing boa bits.

Featured Animals - American Alligator - CMZoo

Suzy: And she promised to tell Amanda embarrassing stories about Stu.

Stan: That sounds like fun. I’m glad Granny and Amanda get along so well.

There was a knock at the door.

Vinny: You ready to go, Stan?

Adele: Where are you having the party?

How to See Alligators on a Louisiana Swamp Tour

Vinny: It’s a little place out in the middle of the swamp. It’s called Hugo’s.

Justine: Why didn’t you want to tell Uncle Stu where you are going? He made it sound very mysterious.

Vinny: I didn’t want him to try to get there by himself. He’s been a couple of times and kept getting lost. I thought it would be best to just tell him it would be a surprise.

Why gators became aggressive in popular fishing spot now shut down

Stan: I’m ready. Are we using your boat?

Vinny: There’s quite a few of us so we’re taking three boats: mine, your brother John’s, and Danny’s.

Adele: Have fun, dear. Don’t wake me up when you get back.

The three boats arrived at Hugo’s. It was in a thatched hut. There was a bar and a dance floor. The doorman greeted them.

There's an Alligator at my Door! - Christianity Every Day

Doorman: Good evening, gentlemen. Do you have a reservation?

Vinny: Yes, we do. It’s under Stuart Gator Bachelor Party.

The doorman turned to Danny, the youngest of the group.

Doorman: Congratulations! We’re happy that you are make us part of your celebration.

Danny: Not me! I don’t even have a girlfriend.

Unlikely Animals Wearing Clothes!

Stu: I’m the lucky gator. I’m getting married on Friday.

Doorman (embarrassed): I’m terribly sorry about my mistake. Welcome to Hugo’s. You will be sitting in the Tahiti Room.

He led them to a separate hut. It was very nice with soft lighting and a Jacuzzi.

Stu: Look at that! Warm water with bubbles. I’ve never used one of those.

Young alligator looking for love takes a dip in backyard HOT TUB | Daily Mail Online

Doorman: We also have a sauna if you would prefer a more dry heat.

Stu: No thank you. I’m an alligator. The wetter the heat, the better.

Doorman: I will tell your waiter that you are here. Please enjoy your evening.

Stu: He seemed very nice. Good choice, Vinny.

Vinny: Thanks, Dad. I thought you’d like it.

Woman in Business With Alligator that Wears Clothes, Rides ATVs | by NanoNano1414 | Medium

The waiter walked in.

Waiter: Good evening, my name is Marcel. I will be your waiter tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?

Vinny: We would like pitchers of the fermented fruit punch.o

Marcel: Very well. I will be back in a few minutes to take your orders.

Vinny: When a made the reservation, I requested the Endless Seafood Platter.

Marcel: My mistake. I do see that on your reservation. I will be back with your drinks.

French Zoo Offers Rare Look at Baby Manatee | Scientific American

John: Stu, I hear that you need someone to officiate your wedding.

Stu: Not anymore. I should have known to just ask my sister. She knows a manatee who can help us. The only problem is that manatees only come up for air every few minutes.

John: That sounds like a bit of a problem.

Stu: That’s what we thought. But he knows a Florida Black Bear who can do the entire ceremony on land. And the bear doesn’t mind coming to the beach.

Report: Black bears 'robust and growing' in Florida

John: I’ve never heard of an alligator getting married by a bear. Is that legal?

Stu: Stella, our wedding planner, says that there doesn’t seem to be any law against it.

The drinks arrived, followed shortly by the food. It wasn’t long before the fermented fruit had all of the alligators feeling a little drunk. Stu nearly fell asleep in the Jacuzzi. They tried playing darts, but mainly ended up telling each other how bad they were at it. Then they tried karaoke and discovered that drunk alligators are not good singers. Finally they found their way to their boats and went back to Granny’s ranch.

2 Alligators Found Eating Human Body

The next morning, Stan was woken up by someone pounding on his bedroom door. It was Vinny

Vinny: Did you help my dad to bed last night?

Stan: Why would I put your dad to bed?

Vinny: He didn’t come back on my boat.

Stan: I didn’t have a boat. I came back with John.

Drunk Australian teen ends up fighting crocodile to impress girl, surgeons hope to 'restore full use of arm' – New York Daily News

Vinny: Dad wasn’t with you?

Stan: No. I thought he was with you. Maybe he came back with Danny.

Vinny: No. I already asked him.

Stan: Are you sure he isn’t just ignoring your knocking? He had a lot of punch.

Vinny: No. Granny and Amanda both asked me where Dad was.He’s not asleep in any of the boats, and he’s not in his room.

4 Sleeping Alligator Image: PICRYL - Public Domain Media Search Engine Public Domain Search}

Next week: Will they find Stu in time for his wedding?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

A Gator Family Wedding

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An alligator as a ring bearer?!? Would you perform this wedding? | AMM Blog

Stan and Adele had agreed to go to South Florida a week before Uncle Stu and Amanda’s wedding to help with the last-minute details. They were bringing their daughters Justine and Suzy along so they could help. When they stepped off the train, they looked around for Stu.

St. Augustine Alligator Farm

Adele: I don’t see Stu anywhere.

Justine: Maybe he got lost on the way to the station.

Suzy: I bet Amanda isn’t letting him out of her sight.

Stan: They’ve been staying with Granny Gator so she can keep an eye on him.

Adele: Are you sure he was going to meet us? Maybe we should just take the bus.

Squirrels express frustration by twitching their tails, researchers say.

Then they heard a very agitated voice behind them:

Are you the Stanley Gator family? I need to find the Stanley Gator family. Have you seen the Stanley Gator family? They were supposed to be on this train? I have to find the Stanley Gator family.

Stan turned around to see who was calling him and was very surprised to see a rather large squirrel.

Fewer Bears, More Birds - UPDATE October 4, 2015 - The Wildlife Research Institute

Stan: I’m Stan Gator. What can I do for you?

Squirrel: I’m Stella. I’m the wedding planner for Stuart and Amanda.I’m glad I found you. Things are not going well for the wedding. I’ll explain it on the way to Granny Gertie’s farm.

Suzy: Are they fighting? Are they going to cancel the wedding?

Justine: That’s dumb. Why would they cancel the wedding now?

Difference between an alligator (left) and a crocodile (right) : r/BeAmazed

Stella: They are fine.They are getting married on the beach and then going to the swamp for the reception.

Adele: That sounds lovely. What’s the problem?

Stella: There was some type of miscommunication. The Everglades Inn, where we are having the reception, was supposed to provide the officiant for the wedding. Apparently, no one told him, and he does not want to travel to the beach.

Justine: Maybe you could offer them more money.

North American River Otter | Bearizona

Stella: Unfortunately, he is a river otter and is not comfortable with the ocean.

Stan: There must be someone else who could do it.

Stella: I’ve been calling around. No luck so far.

She pulled into the driveway, and everyone got out of the car. Granny, Stu, and Amanda came out to greet them.

Stu: Adele, you and the girls get prettier every time I see you.

St. Augustine Alligator Farm Zoological Park - Happy Valentine's Day everyone, we love you all! #zooforyou #happyvalentinesday #bemine #youresweet #saaf #iheartalligators #lovefl | Facebook

Suzy: Hi, Uncle Stu. How are you?

Stu: I’m doing fine. I imagine you’ve heard about the glitch in our wedding planning.

Adele: It’s a shame that you haven’t been able to find a replacement for your officiant.

Amanda: It seemed so romantic to set the date on Valentine’s Day. But now everyone is booked. It’s too late to postpone the wedding. We don’t know what to do.

CAPYBARA Riding an ALLIGATOR! Would you Believe It

Stu: The other problem is that a lot of animals are afraid of alligators

Justine: I don’t understand that. We’re nice to other creatures.

Stan: Some alligators see almost anything as a snack. Other animals don’t want to take a chance.

Suzy: And our teeth are kinda scary.

Phishing for Anonymous Alligators

Stu’s son Vinny came around the corner.

Vinny: Hey, Dad. I have an idea. When humans need someone for a wedding, they go online and get certified to do it.

Stu: We are not humans.

Vinny: I know that. But maybe we could get one of those certifications before the wedding.

Two cute alligators | Two alligators of the Walter Zoo lying… | Flickr

Amanda: Could we just ask one of the humans who already can marry humans.

Stu: I love you Sweetie, but I am not getting married by a human.

Justine: I’m afraid of humans.

Suzy: Yeah. You can’t tell the difference between the nice ones and the ones who would eat us.

Ibis Bird Facts - Threskiornithidae - A-Z Animals

Adele: So we need to find an animal to marry you or one of us needs to be certified.

Cousin Danny, the bird doctor, joined the conversation.

Danny: I know an ibis who could probably do it. I’ll call her.

Amanda: That’s wonderful Danny!

Justine: Why did you get here so early?

🔥 Stacked Alligators. : r/NatureIsFuckingLit

Danny: The bachelor party is tomorrow. Amanda didn’t want anyone showing up at the wedding with a hangover.

Justine: Where are you going?

Stu: It’s a secret. They’re not even telling me.

Next Week: The bachelor party

I'm a Big Brave Alligator!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

20

The New Gnu News

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Terms of Venery: Whence the Wildebeest: An Implausibility of Gnus

Welcome. My name is Isina, and I would like to welcome you to The New Gnu News. You may remember that we had to shut down The Gnu News several months ago after our founder and editor-in-chief, Clive Attlelon, was attacked and carried off by a pack of wild dogs. After much deliberation, we decided that we wanted to carry on with the paper in Clive’s memory,.

Here are some recent events from around the savanna:

Frolicking Giraffe and Baboon, Arusha National Park, Tanzania (Giraffes, Baboons) – Melissa Groo

Giraffes on Patrol – On the far west side of the savanna, giraffes are starting to take action against the large cats that are their natural predators. The giraffes have joined forces with local baboons. The plan is to have the baboon ride the giraffe and throw things (possibly fruit at the cats to scare them office. Training is almost complete, with the teams set to ride by the end of the month.

Lion Conservation & Endangered Status ...

Big Cat Entente – With the humans continuing to encroach on hunting land, the big cats are putting their heads together to see if they can put their natural instincts aside long enough to figure out how everyone can keep eating. The cats say that rumors of eating a human once in a while to ease the crowding was never seriously considered. There continues to be discussions around the possibility of relocating some of the jackals and hyenas. Talks are ongoing.

All you need to know about zebras, from where they live and why they migrate to the mystery behind their stripes | Discover Wildlife

Teen-Age Zebra Angst – Zebra parents are getting worried. The latest trend on zebra social media is to dye their coats, so the zebra looks more like a horse. Parents and grandparents are worried about losing zebra identity. The influencers say they will be more popular with both horses and zebras being attracted. Parents say there’s nothing stopping zebras and horses from dating now and that zebras will lose their exotic mystique. Besides the dye is hard on the hair and needs to be done once a month.

FAQ on Africa Antelope - Africa Mammals Guide

Animal Tracking Alert – The popular dating app, Animal Tracking, has admitted that it has been hacked. Someone has been matching wildly incompatible clients. One antelope was horrified to discover she had been matched with a buzzard. The first time they met for drinks, she was horrified to discovered that her date was happily slurping down a brown piece of something. Luckily, she saw him before he saw her. She has blocked the buzzard on the app but is thinking that she should probably just close the account and move to a more herbivore-centric dating site. Remember – always meet in a public place for your first date.

White Rhino | Species | WWF

Rhinoceros Support Group – Are you tired of everyone thinking that you’re a mean, bad-tempered brute looking for a fight just because you’re a large animal with a scary horn on your head? Are you looking for somewhere you can go and not feel like you are frightening everyone? Join us on Tuesday nights either in person or on anima-vision at Rhino-Bro. It’s a totally safe space where you can be you. Let us help you to be proud of who you are.

City of Seattle ITD on X: "Happy International #CatDay ...if only cats had cell phones. Seattle IT is calling on cat lover @KateMGarman to top this photo! https://t.co/5k2kGzMltF" / X

Help Wanted – We’re looking for a few highly-motivated, ambitious interns. You will learn the ins and outs of the financial services industry. Hands-on experience with actual clients. Learn how the banking business really works. You will be expected to meet/exceed goals you set with your advisor. We work hard, and we play hard. If this sounds interesting, click on the link below to get started on your application. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The position is unpaid.

What lives on the savanna? - Q-files - Search • Read • Discover

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

27

Edgar Mouse’s Christmas Adventure

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 Christmas mouse Cute mouse with christmas gift mouse celebrating christmas | Premium AI-generated image

Edgar Mouse was very excited. He was going to visit his sister Polly for Christmas. He was a field mouse, but Polly had moved into town and was now a house mouse. She was renting space in a multi-species dwelling. There was a strict no-intimidation, no-eating policy among the residents.

Woodland Trust🌳 on X: "The yellow-necked #mouse (Apodemus flavicollis) can be easily confused with the more common wood mouse. It is a #woodland species, particularly common in #AncientWoodland, and can be found

Several of the residents were having friends and family stop by for the holidays, so Polly gave Edgar directions directly to her space to ensure there wouldn’t be any problems with the other guests. As Edgar got near, he tried to remember what she had said.

“Hmm. I know there was something about direction. Was it Go to the west, that’s always best? or Avoid the beast. Go to the east? or Dragon’s mouth is in the South? No, that one’s silly. She doesn’t live with dragons. I don’t remember. Now what should I do?

Eating cute little mouse | One of these cute and tiny mice e… | Flickr

Edgar walked around the house, looking in the windows. He didn’t see Polly anywhere. There was a big front door. That couldn’t possibly be right. He wandered around a bit more. Something smelled delicious. He was so preoccupied with the smell that he didn’t notice the small crack in the wall.

“That must be what I’m looking for! It’s perfectly mouse-sized. I’ll just sneak in and surprise Polly.”

The real-life Tom and Jerry: Captured mouse stands his ground and hits cat back in 10-minute battle before escaping

Edgar squeezed into the crack. To his surprise, it opened up into a large dining room. He sat on his haunches for a couple of minutes looking around. What was that delicious aroma? Something was baking. He started to follow the smell. Suddenly, he felt a tug on his tail. He looked back and was horrified to see a rather large tabby cat with its paw on his tail.

The Tabby was looking at Edgar and grinning.

Cat Playing with Mouse - Interactive Scene | AI Art Generator | Easy-Peasy.AI

“Hello, mouse. Would you like to play?”

Edgar shook his head, terrified. The cat let him go. He ran away, but was cornered by a tortie. This cat batted at him a couple of times, but didn’t really seem interested in hurting him. The tabby picked him up in his mouth and looked around. Edgar squirmed and the cat let him go.

10 Facts About Cats and Mice

For several minutes, the two cats and Edgar “played.” He was looking for an escape. Every time Edgar tried to run, one of the cats would put a paw on him. They never hurt him, but Edgar was terrified. Finally, he hid under a cabinet and tried to figure out how to escape. The cats had him cornered there.

Blog - Richmond, VA Homeowners' Complete Guide To House Mice

Suddenly, the big door opened. The cats were distracted, and Edgar raced out the door. Finally, he was safe again. But where was Polly? He looked around, afraid to approach the house again. He heard someone calling his name.

“Edgar! Edgar! Where are you?”

Edgar: Polly! Is that you?

Rodent Exclusion with Hulett Environmental Services

Polly: Oh my goodness, Edgar! I was so worried. Are you okay?

Edgar: Polly! I’m so glad I found you. I had a terrible adventure. There were two cats who had me trapped.

Polly: You’re lucky you got out. My place is on the other side of the house. The cat I live with heard what was going on. He’s the one who opened the door so you could escape.

Winter Rodents | Dobby the Capybara

Edgar: You live with a cat?

Polly: Oh, yes. There are a couple of cats, a family of guinea pigs, a capybara, and a gorilla. There’s also a Bernese Mountain Dog who watches over us all,

Edgar: Will I be safe there?

Christmas Mouse with Bauble Decoration Festive Rodent Celebrating the Holiday Season | Premium AI-generated image

Polly: Absolutely. Just follow me. Like I said, “west is best”. If we go in the west door, my space is just inside.

Edgar followed her in. It was very cozy. After all the excitement, he was very tired and took a long nap before meeting the rest of the housemates. They welcomed him, and Edgar had a very enjoyable Christmas.

Christmas Kittens | Cat christmas cards, Merry christmas cat, Merry christmas pictures

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.