Tag Archives: Humor

20

Sgt Stripes: One Year and Going Strong

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Hi, everyone! It’s me, Sgt Stripes. Today’s a big day. It’s my first Gotcha Day. It’s been exactly one year since I traded in my man-parts for a new home. (Technically, it wasn’t a trade. But Mom wouldn’t let me move into the house until I was neutered. Something about not wanting me to mark my territory.) I don’t really understand it. I mean the whole house is mine, right?

Anyway, it’s kinda hard to believe it’s been a whole year. I thought the lady cats would have adapted to me by now. I guess I shouldn’t have chased Kommando so hard that first time. Snoops still hasn’t forgiven me. She hisses whenever she sees me. Sheesh. Talk about holding a grudge. I usually have to take to the high ground to make sure I see her before she sees me.

I miss lying in the sun. But I don’t miss the snow and rain. It is so nice to have dry fur all the time. And I have a couple of really nice window seats. I can say good-bye to Mom when she leaves in the morning. (It’s pretty cool – If I meow when she leaves, she feels badly about leaving me.)

And I live snuggling! The place if full of blankets and quilts and soft spots to nap. It’s pretty much kitty nirvana around here.

I haven’t adapted to wet food. Mom’s tried every flavor she can find. But I really like kibble and treats. (Except fish flavored. I don’t like fish.) I definitely don’t see the appeal of human food. The stuff they’ve given me has been really disgusting. There isn’t much wildlife to catch. I’ve only seen a few mice. No chipmunks or voles. I love my water fountain. It is so much better than drinking out of puddles. And it’s never-ending. Even in the heat.

I have lots of toys too. I have laser pointers and little stuffed mice. But Mom is kind of particular. She has a couple of stuffed hedgehogs that look a LOT like my toys, but she says those are hers. She has a couple of other stuffed animals that are off limits too. It’s really not fair. But she doesn’t really touch my toys, so I guess she thinks it’s fair. Like she never touches my red dot or green dots. And she shares the computer.

I like to jump and climb. There’s an armoire that I can jump on so I’m even taller than my human brother. I use it to survey my domain. And I just discovered the highest place upstairs. There’s a partial wall in the bathroom that goes almost all the way up to the ceiling. (I have to crouch down when I’m up there, it’s so close.) It’s between the bathtub and the human litter box. Some rubber ducks live up there. The other morning, I discovered that I can push the ducks off and they land on Mom while she’s using the human litter box. It was so much fun! She was not amused.

I’m hoping I’m going to get full run of the house soon. I didn’t get to see the Christmas tree last year. I got a little one of my own. Mom wasn’t really excited when I tried to eat it. I can’t wait to see the real thing. I think I’d really like the presents too. And the windows downstairs are bigger too. Hopefully, by next year, I’ll have lots of new adventures to tell you about.   

13

A Gator’s Guide to Hurricane Season

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Featured Animals - American Alligator - CMZoo

The school year had just begun, and Suzy and Justine were going through their backpacks retrieving all the paperwork.

Justine: They need you to fill out the emergency contact forms, Mom.

Adele: What happened to last year’s forms?

Suzy: They expired.

Adele: I’ve given them the same information every year since you girls started school. Why can’t they just use that?

Suzy: Guess they want to make sure you and Dad haven’t killed each other over the summer.

Adele: What else?

Brave the Adventure at Gatorland: A Thrilling Experience in Florida - Truck That Beach

Suzy: They’re looking for parent volunteers for the lunch room

Adele: No chance.

Stan: Do they feed me?

Justine: You can chaperone the fall social.

Adele: Nope.

Justine: Want to bake cupcakes?

Adele: Next paper.

Cheeky alligator crashes students' picnic lunch - and then helps himself to sandwich - Mirror Online

Justine: Are we signing up for school lunches?

Adele: I wish. You girls hate the school lunches.

Suzy: It’s not our fault they serve so much mystery protein. They act like alligators will eat anything.

Stan: Uh. Actually, we’re kinda known for that.

Justine: It’s disgusting, Daddy. My body is a temple, and I want to take care of it.

Suzy: Yeah. If I’m going to eat snake, I want to know I’m eating snake. I don’t want it ground up looking like hamburger.

Adele: You two are princesses. No school lunches. What else?

Firefighter Fights To Keep Pizza, Cookie Loving Pet Gator He's Had For 50 Years - YouTube

Suzy: Our first fund-raiser is selling pizzas.

Adele: That doesn’t sound too bad. What are you raising money for?

Suzy: We need new mats in the gym. Apparently someone ate the old ones.

Justine: Eww. Probably had too many school lunches.

Suzy: Here’s the last thing.

American Alligator | Stone Zoo

Adele: A Gator’s Guide to Hurricanes? What’s that?

Justine: It’s part of the new school safety project.

Adele: It says that alligators can sense when a storm is approaching. When the barometric pressure drops, we can feel it in our skin.

Stan: That’s true. Granny always knows when a storm is coming.

Adele: Your mother swears it’s going to be a hurricane every time she gets an ache in one of her joints. Most of the time, it’s just a thunderstorm.

Stan: Those sensors probably don’t work as well inside.

Suzy: I think we should just watch the Weather Channel like everyone else.

Justine: Or the Weather Gator app.

Alligator crawls out of Mobile storm drain

Adele: It says that when we “sense” a bad storm coming, we should seek shelter someplace we can get into and out of easily. They recommend a storm drain.

Justine: It also recommends heading for the water since we can stay under it for a long time.

Suzy: I cannot stay under water. I’d drown.

Justine: You’re supposed to come up once in a while to breathe. Don’t be a doofus.

Adele: They also say the swamp is a good place to hide. We can submerge there.

Suzy: This all sounds really uncivilized. Why can’t we just head inland?

The Alligator in the Backyard: 5 Things to Include in Your Home Quote - Alliance Insurance

Adele: The brochure says that hurricane season is an excellent time to go house-hunting. Particularly if you live in a neighborhood near humans.

Justine: That’s probably true. Most of them leave.

Stan: I think they’d want their houses back after the storm.

Justine: Yeah. They do usually come back. I wonder why they think we would steal someone’s house.

Stan: Or their belongings.

Can Alligators Climb Trees? - Wildlife Informer

Suzy: I think that brochure is crazy. It also says that we can wait out the storm in the hole of a tree or a cave. It makes us sound like barbarians.

Adele: It does seem a little primitive. Where did you say it came from Justine?

Justine: Let me see what it says.

She flipped the brochure over and looked at the back.

Justine: I found the problem. It was written by a human “for the benefit of my reptilian companions.”

Suzy: I knew it! We alligators are much more civilized.

Nice' alligator dons tux, serves as ring bearer in central Pa. wedding - pennlive.com

We wish all our readers in hurricane territory the best during the storm season.

(Pictures courtesy of Google Images. )

14

Cats and the Weather

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We’ve been reading all your blogs and noticed that some of you have been having really bad weather this summer. We live in Michigan, and, truthfully, it’s been very pleasant. Cooler than usual and not very humid. Excellent lounging weather. Not quite enough sun for superior sun puddles, but no extreme heat or excessive storms.

Scared Cat Meme - Imgflip

Until a couple of days ago. It got really hot and humid. Then we got a HUGE thunderstorm. It woke everyone up and went on almost all night. The next day was really hot. Then another night-time storm. It was really windy, and we lost power for that night and most of the next day. It was really scary hearing all that wind and thunder. We are please to report that things are pretty much back to normal. (Although the humans did nothing to compensate us for the trauma we went through.)

Lolcats - teacher - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

But it did make us wonder. Why don’t humans pay any attention to us cats when it comes to weather? After all, we are much more attuned to nature than they are. If they would just listen…

Why do cats like to carry socks around? - Quora

Of course, humans do have some pretty silly superstitions about cats and the weather:

  • Some people thought that cats carried storm magic in their tails. They had to keep the cats happy so they wouldn’t swish their tails and release a storm.
  • If a cat plays with your sock, a bad storm is coming.
  • If a human is mean to a cat, there will be rain at that person’s funeral.
  • You can end a drought by baptizing a cat in mineral water. (Do NOT try this.)
  • A cat’s tail always points in the direction of the wind.
  • If a cat sneezes, it’s going to rain.

The scent of a feline | Burgess Pet Care

On the other paw, we cats generally do know when bad weather is coming. It appears that we can sense a change in atmospheric pressure right before a storm arrives. We can also use our superior noses to smell rain and feel the humidity change before it rains. There are a couple of things that we routinely do before the weather changes:

Here's Why Cats Groom Themselves

Licking – If we seem to be taking an extra-long bath, rain may be coming. Keeping our fur wet helps cut down on the static electricity it collects due to the change in humidity. We are a lot more comfortable without the extra static. (The humans will be too if they touch us.)

Why Some Cats Like Earwax - Petswelcome.com

Ear Grooming – If we’re being extra careful to clean behind our ears, it may mean a storm is coming. We can feel the change in atmospheric pressure in our ears, and the licking helps counteract the pressure change.

How to Stop the Cat from Yowling or Excessively Meowing. (Blog #93) - NutriSource Pet Foods

Sudden Change in Behavior – Sometimes, we just act a little “different” because we can sense the weather changing:

  • We get a little grumpy for “no” reason
  • We get more vocal (some cats yowl when a storm is getting close)
  • Social cats hide out (they don’t want to be around the noise of the storm)
  • Some indoor kitties try to get out when they sense a storm (looking for a safe place)
  • A calm kitty may suddenly have a burst of “zoomies”

(Of course, sometimes we just act a little “different” because we want to act a little different.)

catloaf - Wiktionary, the free dictionary

Humans have documented all of the following behaviors in their furry friends:

  • Cats becoming agitated and hissing at their human prior to an earthquake or a bad storm
  • Cats becoming very “frisky” before a thunderstorm
  • Cats licking their fur against the grain prior to hail
  • Cats sleeping with all four paws tucked underneath before cold weather
  • Cats sniffing the air obsessively before rain or snow
  • Cats listening obsessively before rain or heavy wind

I think he liked that we put his bed in front of the fireplace : r/WhatsWrongWithYourCat

And finally, people feel pretty strongly that if a cat is sleeping with their back to the fire, expect cold weather, snow or a storm.

Bottom line – We cats know what’s going on. We may just choose to not share it with the humans.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

15

Snoops: A Day in the Life

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Hello Everyone. It’s me, Snoops. Since Kommando Kitty and Sgt Stripes have been writing posts, I thought you might be interested in learning a little bit more about me. After all, I am senior cat and chief defender of hearth and home around here. I am head mouser and Kommando’s protector. Here’s what my average day looks like:

 

Early Morning

Long before it’s light, I’m up and on the job. The early hours are the prime time for mousing around here. The best place to find them is the pantry. They love the chocolate chips and nuts that Mom keeps for baking. She finally got smart and started putting those things in plastic containers, but the mice still hang around that part of the pantry. I also need to patrol the study and dining room on a daily basis.

I usually leave the mice for Mom and Human Brother (HB). They are TERRIBLE hunters. They think it’s a sign of affection, but I really am trying to keep them from starving. Kommando is also bad at hunting; she thinks mice are toys. Everyone once in a while, I’ll snack on one, but the food is pretty good here.

Morning

Eventually, I hear Mom moving around upstairs. I am not pleased that I no longer have full run of the house. I wish they would finish training Sgt Stripes. The last time he got downstairs, I had to bop him on the head to keep him in line. He runs around like he owns the place.

After what seems like forever, she finally comes downstairs. I jump on the table for morning cuddles then wait for breakfast. She found some new food, that is better than I expected. We’d been eating the old stuff for YEARS and were so bored. Then I join her at the breakfast table for more pets and cuddles before work. She’s pretty well trained. Sometimes I have to share the space with Kommando Kitty. Luckily HB is usually there and can do some of the cuddles.

Right before Mom leaves for work, we get treats. Kommando is really pushy, so she always gets hers first. That’s okay, because she only eats them part of the time. So I get double treats a lot of the time. Sometimes HB leaves after Mom, but he works really weird hours so it seems like he’s around a lot.

Days

HB usually goes upstairs after Mom leaves. So I sometimes chase Kommando around a little bit, but most of the time I settle in for a nice nap. This time of year is great because there are a lot of sun puddles. It hasn’t been really hot in Michigan, so it is very pleasant.

Eventually HB comes back downstairs. Usually to work in the kitchen. Mom says he’s a really good cook, but I’m not sure I agree. Once in a while, he makes tuna and shares with us. That’s really pawsome. But most of the time, his food is revolting. Lots of beans and non-meat stuff. If he does make chicken or fish, you usually can’t find it because of the other stuff he mixes in. I always have to supervise; I keep hoping he’s going to surprise us.

Sometimes HB cleans. That’s not much fun. He’s really loud and moves stuff all over. I have to watch my tail. And his feet. He has almost stepped on me. On the bright side, he usually finds missing toys. I don’t really like to supervise cleaning. I usually look for a place to hide. If he doesn’t vacuum, I can nap or play with Kommando. She’s a good sister – not great – but good.

Days are usually a combination of snacking, napping, bird/wildlife watching, playing with or without Kommando, and supervising the human.

Evenings

Mom gets home around dinner time. Since HB cooks, we wait at the table with her. We help her read email and respond to messages. I don’t know how she’d get anything done without us. Between the three of us (Mom, Kommando, and me), we take up the whole side of the table.

We usually hang around while they eat. I’m not sure why. Like I said, most of the food is barely edible. But I don’t want to take a chance on missing something. Every once in a while, there’s a baked fish in the middle of all of the beans and greens. And chicken shows up fairly often. Besides, they’d be lonely without us.

After dinner, we all hang out in the living room. I usually sit with HB, and Kommando sits with Mom. The humans read or do computer stuff. Sometimes they watch TV. I don’t really like TV, but it does leave their hands free for petting. I usually nap for a while.

Nights

After they go upstairs, I’ll nap for a while longer. Then it’s snack time again. Then more napping before it’s time to wake up for another day.

21

Kommando Kitty’s Absolutely Awful Gotcha Day

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Greetings. It’s Kommando Kitty here, and I am not a happy cat. As some of you may recall, Mom has never been good about birthdays/ Gotcha Days. The previous cats were given “birthdays” based on her best guess. She forgot to do that for us. She is not very organized about some things. We forgave her because we get special treats every weekend to make up for not having our own “special” days.

But when Sgt Stripes came to live with us, it happened on his “neuter” day, which was September 9. (Get it – 9/9/22? Even Mom can’t forget that.) So she tried to reconstruct the dates for Snoops and me. (With some help from our human sister who has a memory like an elephant. Her brain is full of useless stuff that comes in handy once in a while.) Best guess is Snoops is June 28 (too bad we already missed it), and mine is July 13 (found out just in time).

When Mom went upstairs on the 12th, she said I would get special treats in the morning. Yummy! But it was only a couple of hours later when the unthinkable happened: Sgt Stripes came bopping down the stairs!

You may recall that we have the house divided between him upstairs and us ladies downstairs. Mom and our human brother have not been doing a very good job of teaching him manners, so he still thinks I’m a toy. It works out okay. Snoops and I like to have our quiet time, and he thinks everything is a game.

He came down and started looking around. As soon as I saw him, I took off for the study. There’s lots of stuff to hide behind in there. He chased me in there, but then he got bored when I wouldn’t come out. It was a REALLY LONG night.

Snoops here. Kommando is right. It was a terrible night. I tried to just ignore him, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I tried hissing at him. We went around in a circle a few times, but no fight. Finally, I decided to go to sleep behind the sofa. Luckily, he didn’t see where I went.

I had just settled in when I realized that I couldn’t sleep. What if he attacked Kommando? The last time he was out, Sgt Stripes thought she was acting like prey, (truthfully, she was.) and he thought it was a game. The only way I could get him to let her go was to jump on his back. Our human brother broke that up, so I don’t know who would have won. (I think it would have been me.)

It’s me, Sgt Stripes. I don’t understand what the big fuss is all about. My human brother went downstairs, and he left the door slightly open. I just happened to walk past and noticed it. I haven’t been downstairs in a long time, and I was curious. I don’t know what happened to my human brother. The next thing I knew, I was locked downstairs for the night.

I wasn’t trying to scare the lady cats. But Kommando is really jumpy. And she really does look like prey when she hunkers down. I didn’t mean to scare her; it was just instinct. But she really does a good job hiding. I couldn’t find her for the rest of the night. I finally gave up. I wouldn’t have minding playing with Snoops, but she has kind of a mean streak. She kept hissing at me. It was a pretty disappointing night. I ended up hanging out, waiting for the humans to wake up. Finally, my human brother took me back up. I guess Mom was pretty worried when I was nowhere to be found.

It’s Kommando again. For the record, it is terrifying having a big ball of fur come running at you from across the room. Someone needs to teach him some manners. I was so traumatized, I didn’t even eat my Gotcha Day treats. And now I have to wait an entire year. Maybe I can talk Mom into giving me something special.

(We almost forgot. Kommando’s Gotcha Day is also our WP blogoversary. Happy 10 years – or 8 years since the cats took over.)

14

Thunder Katt Presents: The Treacherous Thunder Tails

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Greetings friends and your non furry servants! It’s Thunder here. Michigan has been awful to live in lately. It’s had lots and lots of loud sky booms- between the fireworks and the storms, my sisters and I have been quivering messes! (Despite my name, I detest thunderstorms. My name comes from my strong verbal skills). I’ve written a piece based on a combination of “The Three Little Pigs” and “Goldilocks”. Please enjoy! 

The sky was blue and the sun was shining. It was a purrfect day to go out and play. Roco, Carrie and Lloyd were taking advantage of the abundance of sunspots and the warm breeze to chase mousies, pounce on rustling leaves, and lounge for naps. Things were going great, when all of the sudden…

Roco: “Do you hear that? What’s that low rumbling in the distance”? 

Carrie: “I don’t know, but our sun is going away, too”. 

Lloyd: “This stinks. I really wanted my fur to get orange highlights. Being brown all the time is so boring”. 

Carrie: “Well, let’s wait and see. Maybe it’s just a blip in the weather”. 

As soon as Carrie said that, rain began to fall. 

Roco: “Ugh! I’m getting wet! Now my tail is going to be all fluffy and my humans are going to make stupid comments”. 

Lloyd: “I see some places that look like decent shelter up ahead. Let’s see if we can find a suitable place to hide out for this travesty”. 

Carrie: “Sounds good. Hopefully they have food. I’m starving. I haven’t eaten in 45 minutes”. 

Roco: “I wouldn’t mind some food. And a nice soft spot to curl up for a nap. I’m overdue by at least 10 minutes”. 

Carrie: “Okay, so a good nap spot and food. Lloyd, do you have any requests”?

Lloyd: “No, I just don’t want to get drenched. Let’s go!” 

The three cats skittered off towards the sheltered area. When they got there, they discovered some sort of campground with tents. They were very excited. Just as they got to the campground a loud clap of thunder came. All three jumped in terror.

Carrie saw a large blue tent. She could smell fish coming from the tent. 

Carrie: “Let’s go in here! It smells delicious. And this loud sky is going to attack us, I just know it is!”

Roco: “I don’t know, Carrie, what about that small brown tent a few feet over? It looks cozy. I bet there are great nap spots there. And yours smells weird. Like fish but mixed with that stuff humans use to smell better, deodorant I think it’s called? What if the humans in there are mean and get mad at you?”

Carrie: “Don’t be ridiculous, Roco. Yours looks tiny. I don’t need you crowding in and twitching your fluffy tail in my face”. 

Lloyd: “Both of those seem like bad options. What about that tent off in the distance? It seems large enough for all of us, and I smell something delicious- catnip, maybe- coming from there. So we’ll get cat friendly people, ample napping spots, food, and shelter. It’s a win-win.” 

Carrie: “NO! That’s too far to walk. We’re going with my choice, and that’s final!”

Lloyd: “Carrie, despite your- ambitious- shall we say, personality, you don’t get to always be in charge. I have an idea. Instead of standing here and arguing, all while getting rained on, why don’t we each go to our selected spot? If one doesn’t work out, we can join the others. But I’m not getting wet, and I’m sick of fighting! 

Roco: “Sounds good to me. Just know, I’m not going to be moving once I get my prime napping spot.” 

Carrie: “Harrumph. Fine. But when you come slinking back to me, remember that I am not sharing any of my food with you!” 

Lloyd: “That’s fine. Let’s split”. 

Carrie, Roco, and Lloyd split up. Carrie starts to try to paw her way into her selected tent when another thunderclap happens. She jumps and hisses. 

Carrie: “Come on, tent! Unzip so I can get in!” Just then, the tent unzipped. Looking back at her was a very unhappy looking human. 

Mean Human: “What do you want, cat? Shoo, go away. We don’t need mangy strays with us”. 

With that, the human closed the tent. Carrie hung her head and walked away sadly. 

Carrie: “Grumpy old man. I hope his fish tastes like water and not actual fish”. 

Carrie meets up with Roco at his tent. 

Roco: “Well, look at what the cat dragged in. What happened, no fish?” 

Carrie: “Stop talking and let me in. I don’t want to talk about it. 

Roco: “Well, here is no good, either. The humans let me in, but they’d had their blankets out for a picnic, and they got soaked. I may as well have tried to nap in a mud puddle.” 

Carrie: “Oh, that’s awful! Well, let’s go find Lloyd. I doubt he’s had better luck. But we can all be miserable together”. 

Just then, more thunder sounded. Carrie and Roco fluffed their tails and ran. 

Carrie: “Ugh, this thunder is going to make my furs turn gray! I hope it’s almost done!”

Roco: “Me, too. Oh look, there’s Lloyd’s tent. But I don’t see Lloyd. I hope he’s okay.”

Roco and Carrie run up to the tent and start meowing desperately. Pretty quickly, a kind looking woman opens the tent.

Nice Human: “Oh, hello there kitties! You guys look soaked- and you must be terrified . I think I have one of your buddies; why don’t you come in and wait out this storm?”

Grateful, Carrie and Roco run inside. They spot Lloyd in the corner, curled up and licking his lips. 

Lloyd: “Hey guys! What happened to your tents?”

Carrie: “It was awful! The human was mean, and wouldn’t share his fish!”

Roco: “Mine was soaked inside and out. It was unpleasant, at best”. 

Lloyd: “Oh no, that stinks. Well, we lucked out here. This person loves cats! She shared her chicken with me, and said I can stay as long as I would like. And look, she’s bringing you some food, too”. 

Carrie perked up. “Oooh, food! I’m definitely staying!”

Roco: “And I can get my nap! This place is pawsome!”

Lloyd: “I am glad you think so. Not to brag, but… I told you so!”

Carrie, Roco, and Lloyd hang out for the next few hours while the thunder and rain pass. On their way back to their humans… 

Carrie: “Well, today was… Interesting. Let’s not repeat”. 

Roco: “Yeah, I just got my tail fluff down.”

Lloyd: “Maybe next time, we should just run home and be protected by our humans from the storm. But for now, I’m going to go home and play with my favorite Mousie toy. See you later!”

16

Charlemagne T Persian, Grill Master – Part 2

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Will Those Holiday Leftovers Poison Your Cat? - CatGazette

Where we are: Charlemagne (Charlie) received a grill for Father’s Day and loves using it. He’s impressed family and friends with his skill on fish and burgers. Now he’s looking for a new challenge. He has invited several people over for a new experience: grilled turkey. His wife Maggie isn’t sure it’s a good idea. You can read Part 1 here. 

Tommy: Dad! Can I help you with the turkey?

Charlie: Sure! First thing, I need to figure out how to get it on the grill. I had no idea they got so big.

Tommy: That thing is huge! It’s almost as big as you are.

Charlie: I know. They looked a lot smaller in the pictures.

21-step Guide On How To Cook With Cats | Bored Panda

Tommy: I thought up a slogan for you: “The thrill is in the grill.”

Charlie: I like it! Maybe I’ll get that on an apron.

Celeste: Daddy, are you making a butterfly turkey or a regular turkey?

Tommy: Why would he make a turkey out of butterflies? That sounds disgusting!

Celeste: You don’t make it out of butterflies. That’s just what you call it when you cut it up before you put it on the grill.

Charlie: Where did you hear about that?

Dont Show Your Cat on Twitter: "little chef https://t.co/k5lGH40Wrw" / Twitter

Celeste: Angelina at school. Her brother is a gourmet chef, so she thinks she knows everything. She says it’s the only way to cook a turkey on a grill.

Charlie: Hmm. Never heard of it.

Maggie: I’m not sure I trust you with a large knife.

Charlie: Please. I’m a pure-bred cat. I can handle a knife. Celeste, find me the instructions for a butterfly turkey.

Celeste (looking on her phone): It says it’s called spatchcocking. It looks kind of complicated.

Tommy: Maybe we should just drag the whole thing over and dump it on the grill.

Charlie: Why should we do this spatching thing?

Why Is My Cat Sniffing Everything All Of A Sudden? - Cats.com

Celeste: The video says it takes less time to cook and it cooks more evenly.

Maggie: Less time on the grill is appealing. Didn’t you say it was going to take hours? You’ll never get the smell out of your fur.

Tommy: Smelling like a smoked turkey would be amazing!

Celeste: Eww!

They all watched the video with Celeste.

Maggie: I don’t think this is a good idea. Look at all that cutting.

Charlie was enthralled.

Charlie: I’m doing it. That looks amazing. I can be a gourmet grill-cat.

Before my mom leaves the house, she sets up the kindle so the cat can watch bird videos in bed. : r/aww

Maggie: You’re an executive at a software company. Kitties love your chase games. You don’t need to be a grill-cat.

Charlie: This is going to be amazing. Tommy, let’s get the bird. I have to get started.

Maggie and Celeste decided it would be a good time to sun-bathe. They heard the sound of the turkey being dragged across the kitchen followed by a large “plop!” as they headed outside.

Charlie: You’re in charge of the social media, Tommy. I want all of this recorded. It’s gonna be impressive.

Tommy: You got it, Dad. We can edit it later.

Splitting the turkey was a lot more work than Charlie anticipated. Because he had to hold the knife between his paws, it was a long series of stabs. Finally he thought it was ready.

Charlie: Okay, Tommy. I’m going to grab one side and you grab the other. On the count of three, pull hard.

They put their paws into the cuts and pulled back. Nothing happened.

Felt cute... Might kill my owner later : r/cats

Charlie: Guess I need a few more cuts.

He stabbed the turkey a few more times before they tried pulling again. Still nothing. Charlie was getting annoyed. He started stabbing harder.

Charlie: Let’s try again.

They braced themselves and pulled as hard as they could. Finally they heard a cracking. Before they realized what was happening, they were both on the floor with the turkey in pieces.

Tommy: I think we pulled too hard.

Charlie: They didn’t mention that happening in the video.

Cat falling off the couch fangies! : r/fangies

Tommy: What should we do?

Charlie: I guess we can just grill the pieces. It should take even less time this way.

Tommy: Excellent!

They cleaned up the mess and were getting ready to take the turkey out to the grill when Maggie and Celeste walked in.

Maggie: My cats! What happened to you two? You look like you’ve been in a cat fight!

Tommy: The turkey was pretty feisty, but we managed it.

Maggie: You need to get cleaned up before the guests get here. I don’t want to be embarrassed by everyone thinking you were beat up by a turkey.

Cat Chillin' in a Grill Like the Boss of All Bosses [IMAGE]

They put the turkey on the grill and then bathed. By the time the guests arrived, the turkey was beginning to smell delicious. Finally, it was time to eat.

Nana Cat: That smells delicious, Charlemagne.

Benji: Have to admit, brother. I didn’t think you’d pull it off.

Charlie: Everyone, have a seat and I’ll serve the turkey.

He slid the turkey onto a platter and brought it to the table.

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Monica: That’s the strangest looking turkey I’ve ever seen. How did you prepare it?

Benji: That’s because you get yours in a can.

Tommy: It’s called spatchcocking.

Celeste: He butterflied it.

Benji: It looks more like he stepped on it.

Charlie: Just a slight issue with the knife. It’s ultra-butterflied.

Tommy: We’re going to call it Turkey Charlemagne.

It was delicious. But the video got lost somewhere along the line. Charlemagne is trying to talk Maggie into letting him buy another turkey.

Cat Signals for Expressing Happiness and Mood

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

23

Charlemagne T Persian, Grill Master

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Dont Show Your Cat on Twitter: "my boy can work a grill https://t.co/KBUtdyLghu" / Twitter

Mama Cat rushed in from work. It had been a long day. She wondered why she didn’t smell dinner.

Mama Cat: Celeste, where’s Daddy? He’s supposed to be making dinner tonight.

Celeste: He’s out back on the patio.

Mama Cat: What’s he doing out there? Isn’t he going to cook?

Celeste: He wants to try out his Father’s Day gift.

Mama Cat: Seriously? Tonight?

Celeste: He’s really excited. Tommy’s out there with him.

Pros and Cons of Outdoor Litter Boxes I Modkat

Mama Cat shook her head. Her husband, Charlemagne (or Charlie), had asked for a grill for Father’s Day. She thought he was crazy, but the kids wanted to get it for him. She had never heard of a cat grilling, but he seemed thrilled when he opened it. She walked out the back door.

Mama Cat: Charlie! You’re not really going to use that thing are you?

Tommy: Hi, Mom! Dad’s almost ready to start. Wanna watch?

Mama Cat watched her large, fluffy husband as he added the last of the charcoal to the grill. He was usually so elegant, but now his paws were covered in soot.

Why Do Cats Lick Their Paws? | Hill's Pet

Charlie: Hi, Maggie! You’re just in time! I’m getting ready to fire it up!

Maggie: I’m not sure that’s a good idea. What if your fur catches fire? I don’t think cats were meant to grill.

Charlie: Didn’t you watch any of the videos I sent you on CatView? It’s the hottest thing with all the hipster cats. I think I’m the first one in our neighborhood. It’s going to be legendary!

Maggie: If you don’t set yourself on fire.

Tommy: He’s not going to set himself on fire, Mom. He’s got one of those long, lighter things to start the fire.

Charlie: OK, everyone. Stand back. Here I go.

cat cooking barbecue | Funny animals, Funny animal pictures, Funny cat pictures

He held the flame to the charcoal. There was a “whoosh” sound, and a large flame.

Maggie: Charlemagne! Was it supposed to do that?

Charlie: Calm down, Maggie! I might have used a little too much starter fluid, but it stayed in the grill. Now we just have to wait for it to burn down to coals so I can cook the fish.

He pointed at a couple of salmon steaks he had prepared in a flat basket.

Charlie: All I have to do is put the basket on the coals and turn it over a couple of times to cook the fish. It’s going to be great!

Maggie wasn’t sure.

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Maggie: All right. What do you have to go with the fish?

Charlie: Go with it? Like what?

Maggie: Maybe some kind of side dish?

Charlie: It’s barbecue. It’s all about the meat.

Tommy: Or fish.

Charlie: Yeah. The fish.

Maggie went back in the house to wait with Celeste. Before long, they were in with the fish.

Is it safe to feed fish to cats? | Honolulu Star-Advertiser

Celeste: Daddy, this is yummy!

Tommy: Yeah. It’s great.

Maggie: I admit, it does taste good.

Charlie: See? The grill was a great idea.

Maggie sniffed.

Maggie: What’s that smell?

Charlie: What smell?

Sniffing Kitty - Love Meow

Celeste: It kinda smells like something’s still cooking. It’s smoky.

Charlie: I don’t know. I don’t smell anything.

Maggie: That’s because it’s you. The smoke got in your fur. Your beautiful thick fur is full of smoke.

Charlie: Well, that’s a small price to pay for that great fish. Right, kids?

Celeste and Tommy nodded. They really liked the fish.

Tommy: Can you grill some more tomorrow?

Cat Awake at Night - Reducing Nocturnal Activity ~ Pelaqita

Maggie: I’m not going to sleep next to you if you’re going to smell like smoked fish.

Charlie: Fine. I’ll go sit outside until it blows out of my fur. But I love my new grill, and I’m going to keep using it.

Charlie practiced with his grill for the next few weeks and was getting really good with it. Some of the other cats in the neighborhood started to comment on the wonderful smells coming out of his backyard.

Charlie: Hey, Maggie. I think we should have a party for the neighbors. I want to show off my new skills.

Maggie: I guess we could do that. How many fish do you think we’ll need?

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Charlie: I don’t want to do fish. I think I’m ready for something a little bigger.

Maggie: What did you have in mind?

Charlie: I saw a guy grilling a turkey. I want to try that.

Maggie: I don’t think that’s a good idea for a party. You’ve only been doing this a few weeks. You’re really good at fish and burgers. Let’s do that.

Charlie: No. I want a turkey.

Maggie: Charlemagne, that sounds really hard.

Charlie: I have the video. How hard can it be?

Next week: Charlemagne learns that grilling a turkey is different than grilling a fish.

Will Those Holiday Leftovers Poison Your Cat? - CatGazette

Pictures courtesy of Google Images. 

17

Mark and Shane Go to Bear Camp – Part 3

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Trump Team: Letting Hunters Kill Bear Cubs Is Top Priority

Where we are: Twin cubs Mark and Shane have been sent to Bear Camp by their exhausted mother. Shane is pretty shy but has been “adopted” by Broz, a seasoned camper. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

They have been at camp for two weeks. It’s time for Parents Day before they head home. Mark sees Mama and Papa Bear and runs over to them. He gives them a big hug.

Bear hugs Photograph by Ruth Jolly - Fine Art America

Mark: Hi Mama! Hi Papa! I missed you guys.

Mama Bear: Did you have a good time?

Mark: It was great! We swam and fished. And we learned how to use a raft. And we hiked and learned tracking tips. I had a amazing time! Wanna see the paw print I made you?

Mama Bear: In a minute, honey. Where’s Shane? I thought you two would be together.

Mark: No. They made us split up. Shane has a new friend; I’ve only see him at meals and campfires. I made a bunch of new friends too.

Adorable bears caught playing peekaboo, stealing kisses

Papa Bear: It sounds like you boys learned a lot.

Mark: We did Papa. And we’re gonna do a skit in the program after lunch.

Papa Bear: Is Shane in your skit?

Mark: No. He’s doing something else. It’s something top-secret.

Shane came running up.

Shane: Mama! Papa! I missed you so much. But I really like camp. I made a new friend. Wanna meet him?

Mama Bear: Of course, sweetie. Where is he?

Running bear cubs wallpaper - Animal wallpapers - #26121

Shane waved to Broz, who came running over.

Shane: Broz, this is my mom and dad. Mama, Papa, this is my friend Broz Bear.

Mama Bear: It’s very nice to meet you. I’m glad Shane made a friend here. We were a little concerned that he might not like camp.

Broz: He’s a great camper. And just wait until you see how talented he is. You’re really going to enjoy our part of the show.

Mama Bear: What are you going to do? Is it another skit?

Shane: It’s top secret, Mama. We’ve been practicing every night.

Mama Bear looked at Mark.

Mark: Don’t look at me. I have no idea what they’re doing. They wouldn’t tell anybody.

Brown Bear Standing Tall. | Brown bear, Bear, Kodiak bear

Counselor Dave banged a loud gong.

Counselor Dave: Welcome parents! We’re glad to see you all. It’s been an exciting two weeks, and the campers can’t wait to show you the entertainment they put together for you. First, let’s eat. Everybody head over to the Mess Hall.

Papa Bear: Thank goodness! I’m starving.

Mama Bear: What are we having?

Papa Bear: Smells like fish.

Mark: You’re right. And lots of berries. We picked them fresh this morning.

Shane: There’s some honey too.

Papa Bear: Yummy!

Do Bears Really Love Honey? | Mental Floss

The bears all settled in and were quickly fed. After everyone was finished eating, the campers left to get ready for the show.

Counselor Dave: Once again, welcome parents. The campers have a short presentation for you. After that, we will be giving out a couple of awards before you head for home. First up are the Bearly There Players performing their original skit titled, “Oh No! It’s a Bear!”

Two of the older campers pretended to be human parents on a picnic with their children. They made a great fuss of telling their children how dangerous bears are, and how they needed to beware of the bears while they were in the woods. The joke behind the skit was that they had set up their picnic in a bear’s home and terrified the poor bear when it woke up from a nap and found a group of humans in it’s front room

The audience roared with laughter at the little bears pretending to be humans and cheered the skit.

Funny bear cub sits on the ground in the forest. summer. finland. photo – Mammal Image on Unsplash

Counselor Dave: You guys did a great job! Very realistic portrayal of the humans. Normally, we would have two skits at the end of camp. But our other group wanted to do something a little different. So I present to you the Bongo Bears!

Shane, Broz and the rest of their group came on the stage carrying small drums. They sat on the ground and performed a short beat. They then broke into a fairly complicated cadence, picking up speed as they went along. Shane was totally absorbed. When they finished, he broke into a huge grin. The audience loved it.

Counselor Dave: Nice work, campers! I think we may make drumming a regular part of camp. Maybe we could even start a camp band.

Mama Bear: I’m really proud of you, Shane. You weren’t shy up there at all.

Shane: I owe it to Broz. He introduced me to the rest of the guys. He knows all the campers. Everyone was really nice.

Bear cubs pictured in Alaska playing in long grass before hugging | Daily Mail Online

Counselor Dave: We just wanted to hand out a couple of awards before we finish up. We want to recognize the bear who best exemplifies the spirit of Bear Camp. The camper who excels at teamwork and camaraderie. Then we want to recognize the bear who has made the most progress in developing their skills while they were here. I think everyone knows who the winners are.

Broz looked at Shane and started grinning.

Broz: It’s us, Dude!

Shane: Nah. I never win anything.

Counselor Dave: He’s right, Shane. Broz has been the heart of the camp this year. And you definitely are the most improved. You didn’t even want to come to lunch the first day. Remember?

Shane blushed under his fur.

Three adorable bear cubs give their mum a hug while feeding | The US Sun

Counselor Dave: We have little awards for you. But we also want you to take your drums. You can practice all year for when you come back.

Shane and Broz were thrilled.

Shane: Broz, we can get together and practice. It’ll be great!

Mark: I can learn too.

Broz: That’s an excellent idea!

Mama Bear groaned.

Sleepy bear | Taken at the San Antonio Zoo More details on m… | Flickr

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

12

Mark and Shane Go to Bear Camp – Part 2

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How To Avoid Bears In Camp — ScouterLife

Where we are: Twin brothers Mark and Shane have been sent to bear camp for a couple of weeks by their exhausted mother. Shane, the more introverted brother, has discovered that he will not be sharing a cabin with his brother and their friend Danny. You can read Part 1 here.

Counselor Dave: OK, everybody. You have 15 minutes to get your stuff stowed, and then we gather in the Mess Hall. That’s where the food is, for all you first-timers.

Norway: Hikers asked to collect bear droppings - BBC News

Shane went into his cabin and found the bed with his name on it. It was a bunk bed, and he was on the bottom bunk. His bunk mate bounced around the cabin, getting settled in. He seemed to be friends with everyone. Shane curled up on his bed.  Then he felt a paw on this shoulder.

Voice: Little Dude, what’s wrong?

Shane: Leave me along. I don’t feel well.

Voice: C’mon Little Dude. It’s OK. Talk to me.

Shane turned around to see his bunk-mate. He was smiling at Shane; he looked nice.

Adorable Video Shows Bear Cubs Purring in Den, Snuggled next to Mom

Shane: I was supposed to be going to camp with my brother, but they’re making us stay in separate cabins. I don’t want to be here by myself:

Bear: You’re not by yourself. You’re with me.

Shane: Who are you?

Bear: My name is Broz. I came to camp last year. It’s pretty cool here.

Shane: I’m Shane. Nice to meet you.

Broz: Let’s get you unpacked. Don’t want to be late for lunch.

Broz helped Shane make his bunk and put away his clothes. They walked over to the Mess Hall together. They sat with Mark and Danny for lunch. It was delicious.

Mark: Hey, Shane! How’s it going?

Shane: Mark, this is Broz. He’s my bunk-mate.

18 Adorable Photos of Bears Being Basically Like Big Puppies — Best Life

Mark: Hey, Broz. You gonna take care of my brother? He doesn’t do well in strange situations. I thought we’d be together, but they won’t let me switch cabins.

Broz: Don’t worry about him. I’ll make sure nothing happens to him. Right, buddy?

Shane smiled at Broz. He’d never met such a nice bear.

Counselor Dave: OK, everybody. This afternoon, we’re going to go down to the lake and do a little fishing. Cabin A is with me, and Cabin B is with Counselor Ted. Yep, you heard me. Ted Bear. Good luck with your fishing. It’s your dinner.

Mark and Shane looked at each other. Too bad Jobear wasn’t there. He was the fisherman. They had never been near the water. Broz looked at their worried expressions and laughed.

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Broz: Don’t worry. They’re not going to let you starve. Besides, Shane, I know the best place to fish. Stick with me.

Shane grinned at his brother.

Shane: Wanna bet on who gets the most fish?

Mark: Not a chance. You’re cheating.

Broz: It’s not cheating. There aren’t any rules against bunk-mates fishing together.

Danny: Besides. I think they’re going to have one big kettle of fish. We’re all going to share.

Broz: That is true. C’mon Little Dude. Let’s get fishing.

The bears spent the afternoon at the lake fishing. Broz had been telling the truth; he was a good fisherman. He taught Shane how to flip the fish out of the water. By the end of the afternoon, they had a small pile. Counselor Dave came by and congratulated them.

SpiritHoods on Twitter: "High five if you snagged a Black Bear hood today! https://t.co/YbYdjF9J0c https://t.co/q9QzMbJCd4" / Twitter

Counselor Dave: Excellent teamwork, boys! You have the most fish. Go in the lake and clean up for dinner. I’ll get these back to camp.

Shane and Broz looked at each other and slapped paws. Shane couldn’t believe his luck.

Shane: You are pawsome, Broz! Thanks for teaching me.

Broz: No problem. My brothers taught me. I’m just passing it along.

At dinner, Counselor Dave told all the campers how many fish Broz and Shane had caught. He said it was a good example of what teamwork could do. As a reward, they could choose the evening’s snacks. Broz didn’t hesitate.

Broz: We want s’mores!

Shane: What’s a s’more?

Broz: Dude! You don’t know what a s’more is? Toasted marshmallows and chocolate between graham crackers. They’re the best!!

Shane: Yep! We want s’mores.

4 grizzly bear cubs Katmai National Park, Alaska.

Shane sat at the campfire with Mark and Danny. Broz was talking to some of the other bears. Finally, he sat next to Shane.

Broz: Okay, Little Dude. I’ve been talking to some of the other guys. They agreed to let you join our secret band.

Shane: Band of what?

Broz: That’s the secret.

Shane: Can I tell Mark and Danny?

Broz: Then it wouldn’t be a secret.

Next week: What’s the secret?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

Wilford The Bear Makes A Bed And Takes A Nap In The Angeles National Forest - YouTube