15

Sgt Stripes: I am Not the Crepuscular One Anymore

             

Sgt Stripes here. When I moved in a year and a half ago, Mom used to complain that I got up too early. Every morning, I’d want to get her up at dawn. I was the first cat she had who had lived outside, and I was a hunter. Our feline ancestors hunted at dawn and dusk because of our ability to see well in low light. That’s called being crepuscular (cool word, huh?). It let them sneak up on their prey. Then they’d sleep during the day. I was just following the call of my tribe.

Mom solved a lot of the conflict by having a cat tree in the east window of our bedroom. It let me survey my domain and got rid of a lot of the zoomies. I also discovered that my human brother had a tree outside his window that was really good for cat TV. The three of us got into a pretty good rhythm.

Then Gypsy moved in. That cat is WILD. As soon as it is anywhere near light, she’s racing around the room jumping on things. She jumps on everything – the night table, the jewelry stand, the bed, the armoire. I thought it was obnoxious when she stole my side of the bed. She was NOT getting my tree. So I hang out in my tree, and she races all over the room (including Mom).

I started feeling bad for Mom because Gypsy wakes her up almost every morning. I thought that I would ask Mr. Google how to handle the problem. Mr. Google was not particularly useful in my opinion. Here is what I found:

Play Before Bed – It says you can use up all your cat’s energy by playing before going to sleep. Our human brother plays with us almost every night. I sleep nicely; she’s still racing around. I guess we need to get her a gym membership or something. Maybe she could do cat yoga.

Ignore the Behavior – I wonder how long that’s supposed to take. Mom doesn’t get up or play with her. She just lays there. It hasn’t worked so far. Although I have noticed that Mom is sleeping right on the edge of the bed so she can’t get in her face anymore.

Offer a Meal Before Bedtime –  We get a bowl of kibble to share right before bed. And we have a running fountain of water. The food is supposed to direct our energy toward digestion instead of running around. Also, we’re less likely to wake Mom up wanting food if we’ve already eaten. Maybe she needs to give us a different kind of food. More protein. I haven’t had a vole or field mouse since I came inside.

Don’t Let the Cat in the Bedroom – NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. We all share the bedroom. I am not going to lose access to my bedroom because some other cat can’t control herself. And I don’t want to be locked in either. The door needs to stay open.

Keep the Cat Awake Longer – The human is supposed to keep the cat from taking naps in the late afternoon or evening. That’s crazy. Cats rule. We nap when we want to nap. What are they going to do? Take a stick and poke us to keep us awake?

Keep the Cat Entertained While the Human is Away – I kind of like this idea. They suggest leaving the TV on for us (maybe a nature show). Or using feeding puzzles or smart bowls to make mealtimes more fun. I think they should give us tablets or smart phones so we can order our own treats and games.

Be Patient – Most cats can adapt to sleeping through the night. The human has to be patient. NEVER punish the cat – cats don’t understand cause and effect according to Mr Google. (We’re not going to tell him any different.) I’m not too sure about the patience thing though. Gypsy’s a lot older than me. I would have thought she’d be better at waiting for Mom to wake up.

I hope Gypsy calms down soon. Mom gets grumpy when she doesn’t get enough sleep.

23

Snoops and the Editors: Change is Hard

Things have been pretty busy in the editorial offices at Cheeseland. Lenny and George, the mice editors, have been scurrying around trying to figure out what’s next for the blog. It’s been around for almost eleven years. It started out as a place for Cat to vent about whatever was on her mind. Apparently not much, since it switched over to all animals all the time after a couple of years. But it didn’t really take off until Snoops and Kommando Kitty started writing        . Now that Kommando is gone, it’s probably time for another change.

Lenny: What are we going to do? We had a two-cat show with a bunch of supporting players.

George: I know. Cat kinda figured that she and the cats were going to retire together in a few years.

Lenny: Ooh. Maybe we can turn it into a retirement blog.

George: Don’t be dumb. She’s not retiring now.

Lenny: Oh yeah. That’s right. We need to figure out how to replace Kommando.

They both jump when they hear a loud hissing behind them.

Lenny: Oh, hey Snoops. Didn’t hear you come up.

Snoops: You are so lucky you’re considered family so I can’t eat you. We can’t replace Kommando. She was special.

George: We know. That’s why we’re trying to figure out what to do with the blog. You wanna do a solo thing? Something like “Snoops Speaks”?

Snoops: Nah. I don’t have the energy for that. The best part was having someone to share the ideas and research with.

Lenny: Maybe we could find you a new partner?

Snoops: I do not want another cat in the house. It was bad enough when Sgt Stripes moved in, but at least he stayed upstairs. Now we have the three who came in with my human sister and the two little humans. NO MORE CATS.

Lenny: Okay. Don’t get excited.

George: You know you scare Lenny when you get mad.

Snoops: Sorry, Lenny. Didn’t mean anything personal.

Lenny: It’s okay. I know you’re upset.

George: What do you think about partnering with one of the kids? The blonde one said he’d like to work with you.

Snoops: No chance. I don’t like children. Besides, we write about animals. He’d want to write about human stuff.

Lenny: Eww! How boring.

Snoops: Yeah. Besides, he’s loud and messy.

George: Excellent points. No small human partners.

Snoops: I think we need to keep the focus on cats.

Lenny: But the alligators and bears are pretty popular too.

George: And hedgehogs.

Snoops: That’s true. We’ll be mainly cats with a few other animals thrown in.

George: Could you work with one of the new cats?

Snoops fluffed up and arched her back.

Lenny: I’d say that’s a “no”.

George: What about Sgt Stripes? He joined you and Kommando for a few posts.

Lenny: And he’s an excellent researcher. He really loves Mr. Google.

Snoops: He tried to eat Kommando when he moved in. I had to jump on him to protect her.

George: He says that was a misunderstanding. He wanted to play pounce.

Snoops: Grrr.

Lenny: I think he’s afraid of you now. He doesn’t even really try to come downstairs when you’re around.

George: He might want to be friends. He’s trying to be friends with the lady cats upstairs.

Snoops: I don’t know. I’m not thrilled with any of the options. I’ll have to think about it.

She curled up to sleep while the mice tiptoed off.

17

Sgt Stripes: The Male Purrspective

 

       

Hi folks, it’s Sergeant Stripes!  Last week, you all heard a very interesting story from my new housemate Onyx.  I’m here now to offer my purrspective.  Let me begin by saying I’m very flattered, but I really was just trying to be nice to both my new housemates.  I’m not madly in love with anyone. 

For starters, Onyx stole my room.  Mom explained that it’s because she’s a poor kitty with no place else to go, so we have to be nice, but I used to have four bedrooms, and now I’m down to two, maybe three.  It depends on whether you count the one Mom shares with me, since I also have to share it with Gypsy now.  And don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice kitty… when she’s not hissing and swiping at me for getting too close to her.  I think she might still be holding how we met against me.  

I didn’t mean to scare anyone, I just really like playing pounce.  And Onyx and Gypsy were playing along too, because their eyes got really huge and they tried to run away, just like they were actually prey!  Or, uh, that’s what I thought.  Mom told me they were actually scared I was trying to eat them.  Like I would forget the most important house rule (No eating family members.).  Um, again.  [Editor’s Note: This is something of a recurring problem for Sarge.  Poor George still has nightmares. Sometimes he has trouble editing the pictures.]  

But anyway, that’s why I was trying to make up for it by being extra nice to the two new kitties!  Because even if I’m not entirely sure why they have to get my bedrooms (And my litter box.  And my humans.  And my kibble!), I know we need to be good hosts.  So I started spending more time with both of the new arrivals.  I didn’t think Onyx would take it the way she did, especially after she got so mad when I tried to share her food (that’s why I stopped spending time with her).  I didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings.  

That’s why I’ve decided that Onyx and Gypsy should both be allowed to spend  as much time as they want with me!  I’m bigger than both of them, so if they want to, they can both cuddle with me at the same time.  I’m not sure about romance just yet, but I do want to make friends.  Right now, nobody wants to play pounce with me.  And Gypsy doesn’t always share my cool Christmas blankie with me.  But I figure we can all be friends, we just got off on the wrong paw.  

Mom says that they were more territorial because they didn’t have four bedrooms where they came from.  Actually, Gypsy didn’t even have one.  So I guess I get why I have to share.  I can’t even really use all four bedrooms at once, so it’s not that big a deal.  Although I wouldn’t have minded a housewarming vole.  I figure if I’m extra nice and we all get along, then they won’t mind sharing with me, and I can get my beds back.  Even if I don’t, two beds isn’t really a bad deal for two new playmates!  

And Gypsy can be a really fun playmate.  Even when we’re not playing pounce, we do have a lot of common interests, like shredding toilet paper.  She found a roll that the humans left out, and it was just like when I first got here–they still haven’t gotten all the shreds picked up!  She also has really good taste in kibble.  She also likes wet food though, which I think is kind of weird.  But it does mean that I get treats while she gets her wet food!  

Onyx has been tougher to get close to.  She got really hung up over when I shared her treats.  It wasn’t my fault she didn’t get any, she was just too slow!  …I guess I should say sorry about that one.  I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings Onyx, and I agree that creamy dairy treats, fluffy blankets, and jingly balls are the best.  I hope you’ll come out and play with us soon, and you can bat around my jingly silvervine ball!  It’s awesome.  Then all three of us could hang out, and that would be awesome, too.  

23

Onyx: A Love Story Gone Wrong

Hello! 

It’s everyone’s favorite black cat, Onyx. And I have awful news! If you didn’t know, my human moved herself, both mini humans, and Angel, Gypsy, and myself in with her mom (AKA my editor) and her brother (AKA my purrsonal chef). And while we sadly were split from Thunder, we got to make friends with all of the northern kitties! One of whom is Sgt Stripes (although my human calls him Big Kitty). When we moved in, I was scared because the big human my person lived with was loud and mean. So when I met Sgt Stripes, I was not very nice (he wanted to play “Pounce”. As in, all 14 pounds of him pounced on all 6 pounds of me. I thought he was hunting me. I was terrified). So I hissed and hid under the bed from him (turns out, he can fit under the bed). And then the mini blonde human started feeding him MY treats. And MY kibble. It was awful! But still, he decided I was his uptown cat. And he was in love with me. 

So here I am, getting all of this attention, some snuggles, love, and it’s great! (Or, at least, when Stripes wasn’t stealing my food, it was great.) And I’m thinking I could get used to this, I’m not ready to get married or share my sunspot, but yeah, Sgt Stripes is cool and I’ll keep him around. When out of nowhere, Gypsy moves upstairs (where Sarge and I were coexisting). Now, Gypsy and I have a history. She forced me into a corner and was terrorizing me when she moved in with us. So I’m not her biggest fan. But apparently, Angel was eating all of her food downstairs, so she had to come upstairs to rehabilitate, as she looked starved. I was not happy. But Gypsy mostly stayed in my editor’s room, so I figured I could make it work. I could stay in my human’s room or the bathroom and ignore Gypsy. 

Apparently before all of the uptown cats moved in, Sgt Stripes reigned supreme over the whole upstairs, including our editor’s room. So Gypsy (at about 3 pounds) forced him out. But then he kept hearing from the humans that “he could sit on her and crush her” and “he shouldn’t let her force him out of his spot”. So Sgt Stripes gradually started sitting with Gypsy. First in the room, then on the bed with her. And before long, he was courting her! 

To Sgt Stripe’s credit, at first he tried to stay with me while remaining cordial with Gypsy. But with me, it’s either all or nothing. So then he tried to be friends. But I don’t do friends. I tried that with Thunder, and she moved away. My human says I have antisocial purrsonality disorder, but I disagree. I just know my worth. So then, Sarge started totally ignoring me for Gypsy! I couldn’t believe it! I’m the prettier, smarter, better of the two. But I guess we all have to make our own mistakes. 

And to top this off, he dumped me right before Valentine’s Day, and he’s still eating my treats and kibble! Everyone knows that my favorite treats are the Temptations creamy dairy or the beef. So instead of eating his favorite, backyard BBQ or lobster, Sarge steals my one joy in life. He also tries to steal my human on her work from home days! Even when she gets up in the morning, he runs right up to her, wanting jaw and tummy rubs. And Gypsy keeps trying to demand food from my human! They have no respect what-so-ever. And it’s not like they would starve for either food or attention. My editor and chef can take care of them, probably better than my human can! 

So now I’m left broken hearted, with no friends and no cats to hang out with, all because Gypsy had to come upstairs and ruin everything. It’s hard to blame Sgt Stripes; he’s a big, adorable, loveable goofball. And while he is responsible for his own actions, I’m sure he was taken back by my beauty (and the tastiness of my treats! It’ll take a while for me to forgive him for that one). 

Now, my human had said that this was my fault, but we all know that’s not true. I was so betrayed. My boyfriend left me for my arch-rival! All because I hissed and hid from him (but let’s be real, he was terrifying when he played Pounce. I feared for my life)! Everyone says he’s the sweetest cat ever and would never hurt a fly, but if he’s capable of stealing my kibble, who knows what else he was capable of! 

And that concludes my horrible, awful, truly terrible love tale. Take it from me, relationships are just not worth it. Instead of a companion, get yourself some creamy dairy treats, a fluffy blanket, and a jingly ball to bat around. You can’t go wrong with that! To Gypsy and Sgt Stripes, I hope you’re both happy, but that I get the best sunspots. And to all of my readers, have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget to adore all black cats you come across!

We want to thank everyone for the beautiful words and thoughts you’ve been sending us regarding Kommando Kitty. And especially Ingrid Rickmar for the beautiful badge at the upper right and Ms. Ellen for the wonderful card.

18

Gator on the Loose – Part 2

Two cute alligators | Two alligators of the Walter Zoo lying… | Flickr

Where we are: Uncle Stu had been missing for three weeks. The gators had not heard from either him or his lady friend they had located on GatorGram. Granny was ready to file a missing gator report with the police. Stan and his family were watching curling on TV when they heard a knock.

Stan: Stu! Come in!

Stu walked slowly into the house, followed by a lady gator. He had a bandage around his tail.

Justine: Uncle Stu! What happened to you?

Stu: It’s nothing. Just a little frostbite.

Justine: How’d you get frostbite?

Adele: Hello Stu! It’s good to see you! Who’s your friend?

Kiawah Island Gator Female | A nice mature female alligator … | Flickr

Stu: This is Amanda. She’s the lady I met last year when I got lost up here.

Amanda: Hello, everyone. It’s nice to meet you.

Suzy: Are you the lady from GatorGram?

Amanda (laughing): Yes, I am. I didn’t respond because Stu and I have been on a little adventure.

Stan: What kind of adventure?

Stu: I signed us up for a Caribbean cruise.

Justine: Ooh! That sounds nice! Why didn’t you tell anyone?

Just one of the Alligator sightings - Picture of River Lilly Cruises, Port Saint Lucie - Tripadvisor

Stu: My son Vince was being kind of a jerk at Christmas. He told me I was too old for a girlfriend. That I should be saving my money in case I need it for some kind of emergency.

Amanda: Stu decided that he would prove Vince wrong. He came up to South Carolina and told me we were going to the Bahamas.

Suzy: That sounds pretty amazing.

Stu: Yeah. It probably would have been. Unfortunately, I got in the wrong line. We ended up on some kind of winter adventure in Nova Scotia.

Amanda: It is really cold in Nova Scotia in January.

Stu: We almost got iced in. I guess I spent a little too much time up top on the boat talking to the captain. My tail got a touch of frostbite.

Alligators stick their snouts above freezing waters to breathe | CNN

Adele: Are you going to be okay? You’re not going to lose your tail are you?

Amanda: They were a little worried. We had to get off the ship. Stu spent the last few days in a hospital. They saved the tail, but he can’t be anywhere cold again.

Stu: Yeah. I guess I’ll be staying down here from now on. I’d look pretty funny without a tail.

Justine: That sounds really painful.

Stu: It’s not too bad. I’m a tough old gator.

Stan: Well, we’re glad you’re okay. Does Granny know you’re safe? She’s ready to report you missing.

Watch This Angry Alligator Invade a Family's Porch and Refuse to Go Quietly

Stu: That’s my sister. Always overreacting. I’ll call her when we’re done here.

Stan: You did disappear with no trace.

Stu: I guess. But Vince should have known better.

Suzy: He said you’d show up when you were ready.

Stu: And here I am.

Justine: Why did you come here instead of going home?

Stu: I had to bring Amanda home. I don’t know what I would have done without her. She’s the one who realized we were on the wrong ship.

Amanda: Unfortunately, by the time I saw the paperwork, we were already at sea.

Winter means hibernation for some — but not all — of Kodiak's bears - Alaska Public Media

Stu: I probably should have known we weren’t in the right place. We were the only alligators on board.

Amanda: There were a lot of bears.

Stu: Bears are really nice. They helped keep up warm when we got up north.

Amanda: They probably saved his tail.

Suzy: Wow! Who knew? They look kinda mean in pictures.

Stu: You should never judge others by the way they look. Anyway, Amanda also got me a good doctor. And made the arrangements to get us back here. She only lives a few miles away.

Amanda: We stopped by on our way home because you had sent me the message saying you were worried.

This gator house call: | Animals, Weird pictures, Alligator

Stu: We didn’t want to worry anyone. I just didn’t like Vince telling me I’m old.

Stan: It sounds like you’re lucky Amanda was there to take care of you.

Stu: I definitely was. And that’s why I asked her to marry me.

The family looked at Amanda, and she nodded.

Amanda: I said yes! I think we’re going to be very happy together.

Stan: Congratulations! I’m very excited for you.

Adele: Stu can definitely use someone with a little common sense.

Stu growled at her.

Justine: Uncle Stu, you know she’s right. Now you won’t get lost anymore.

Stu: That is true. She can take care of all the travel arrangements.

Stan returned with some sparkling swamp water, and they all toasted the happy couple.

Road Trip! The Gators' Summer Vacation | Adventures in Cheeseland

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

Sgt Stripes: Reporting from Sick Bay

Sgt Stripes here. We want to thank you all ‘s for your well wishes to our humans. Our human brother and sister are doing much better. Mom seems to have gotten the worst of it. She even went to the doctor yesterday (that’s like a vet for humans). They gave her three kinds of medicine. She is still coughing a lot, but we are hoping that annoying habit will end shortly.

The ladies and I have been sharing nurse duties. Upstairs, I have been assisted by one of our newcomers. Not Onyx. She remains aloof and stand-offish. My aide is named Gypsy. She is a beautiful dilute calico. Snoops and Kommando have been handling the downstairs duties. We make sure that she is never cold or lonely. We also still let her feed us so she doesn’t feel useless. (She’s not doing much else.)

We know that none of our readers would ever question whether a cat knows that their human is sick. But there are apparently humans out there who think that we are all aloof, unfeeling balls of fur. In case you ever run across one of them, you can tell them the following about how cats know when their humans are sick.

Smell Cat GIFs | Tenor

Humans smell weird when they’re sick – There are chemical changes that take place when humans get sick. They only have about 5 million smell sensors, so they can’t tell a lot of the time. We kitties have about 200 million smell sensors. We know when something’s not right. In fact, studies have shown that cats can detect high blood sugar and cancer through smell.

Lolcats - dinner - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words  on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Humans act weird when they’re sick – We know your normal behaviors. And we notice when you’re acting different. We love our routines, and when you’re sick, you mess up our routines. (Like our breakfast was 2 hours late today.) Humans lay around a lot when they’re sick. We can tell when you hurt, and we want to help you. We spend our lives around our humans. We want them to be in top shape for us.

Why Is My Cat So Needy? - 7 Reasons Explained | Cute cat memes, Cat memes,  Funny cats

Cats exhibit some common behaviors when their humans don’t feel well.

We get clingy – Obviously, all cats are different. Some cats are more cuddly than others under any circumstance. But, generally speaking, cats want to cuddle with their sick human. This is particularly true if the humans has a fever. We cats love to be warm. We’ve been working in shifts. Snoops and Kommando sit on Mom downstairs. Gypsy and I lay with her upstairs. Sometimes, I’ll let Gypsy handle the bed while I take the cat tree, but it’s usually the three of us together.

Separation Anxiety - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat  pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

We get anxious – If the human is sick enough that they can’t fully care for kitty, the cat can feel anxious and get frightened. Mom’s not that sick, so we don’t have that issue. However, we do find the extended coughing spells very annoying.

Cute Cat licking : r/aww

We lick – If we think our human is stressed or upset, we may try to help by licking them.  It de-stresses us, and we want to help.

Lolcats - medical - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words  on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on

Mom says that she used to have a cat that she called her “get-well kitty.” Critter always knew when someone was sick and would stay with them until they felt better. Apparently none of us are quite that good, but she says that I’m the closest she’s seen. Hopefully, it’ll only be a couple more days. This is exhausting.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

26

A Day in the Life of Sgt Stripes

Hello! Sgt. Stripes here! I’ve been hard at work lately. My human sister, Blondie, has been working from home. And I’ve been getting to help her! Even better, I’ve also been able to attend therapy with her (she has anxiety and depression. She’d never make it as a cat). She made my formal title “Tummy Time Therapist with Office Management Requirements”. And it’s hard work! I’m going to share a typical day in the life in the workforce. 

6:30AM: 

This is when Blondie (and the mini humans) wake up. She gets them dressed and off to the day shelter, where they play and do art. Blondie calls it a daycare. But Snoops says it’s more like a shelter. I get to sleep through this, since I don’t do cars. Or mini humans. 

7:45AM: 

Blondie returns home. She gets our laptop out, and makes sure that it and our work cell are charged. She also gets her notepad ready. This is usually when I do my big kitty stretch and prepare myself for another strenuous day. 

8:00AM: 

Time to start work! We start by logging onto her email, her Teams (a Skype descendant), and her scheduling tool. I usually get to send a message to a few of her coworkers. Today alone, I said hello to the group chat (all 20 people!), the checkout person, and the echocardiogram coordinator, along with one of the medical assistants. Everyone loves my welcome messages! 

8:10AM:

Once we say good morning to our team, we review our email. Blondie makes a lot of phone calls, but won’t start until 9. So I get to help send out letters to patients who didn’t show up for their appointments, schedule urgent add on surgeries, and review our load for the day. I’ve discovered this is best done by sitting on the keyboard of the laptop. That way I’m warm, and am close enough to the screen to see. 

9:00AM: 

Now I get to start helping with phone calls! Usually the morning calls go to patients who need a presurgical workup. I don’t actually talk to these people (it sounds pretty depressing, honestly). But I definitely do my part. I sit with one paw on Blondie while she types, and I make sure to sit on the phone cord. You know, in case the phone tries to escape or something. These calls usually take most of the morning. 

12:00PM: 

Lunch break! Usually Blondie goes downstairs and gets tea and a sandwich, but I get to chow down on kibble (or cereal. She eats cereal and we share sometimes). I’m hoping my employee of the year luncheon features vole. I really like vole, But after I eat, I usually use the facilities, stop by the scratching post, and get a nap in. 

1:00PM: 

Back to work! The afternoon is usually a little more interesting. We usually start by calling patients that need pacemakers or ablations. I really, really like this part. We have to email them a surgical packet, and I’m really good at adding attachments or screenshots. I discovered if you push a bunch of random keys all at once, the computer will do fun things! Blondie gets a little weird about this, though. I start on the computer, but usually end up on her chest. At least I still get to supervise. 

3:00PM: 

If Blondie has therapy, this is usually when it happens. I like to sit up by her head and meow at her therapist. He needs to know who the really important one is. Although they just talk a lot, which is boring. So I usually use this time to get some tummy rubs. Or jaw rubs. Or both. I just really love rubs. 

4:00PM: 

Therapy is over (finally). Unfortunately, that means my tummy and jaw rub session slows down, as well. But we get to start scheduling my favorite things: MRIs! These are really fun, because I can make the appointment move by laying on her mousepad. I also really like to interact with these patients. I’ll headbonk the phone, purr into the speaker, and rub the phone so Blondie drops it. These patients are usually more fun than our surgical ones. One time, I scheduled the MRI in the totally wrong year. But I don’t feel bad. It’s a complex system, and I’m still learning it. 

5:00PM: 

The day is over! Man, these days are exhausting. I usually try to persuade Blondie to stay and nap. She never does though. She has to go get the mini humans from the day shelter. So I help her put her items up (I love batting at the phone cord!) and then I usually protect her work case. It’s a really comfy spot to nap. 

After work is over, I only have 15 hours to eat, bathe, play, groom, and relax. It’s quite stressful somedays! But I know my hard work is paying off! Although I think I’m going to request a pay raise and a really nice bonus this Christmas. Maybe some vole ice cream, and silvervine cereal. Hopefully your work days are just as productive! 

20

Cats v Toddler Noise Pollution

    

Greetings fellow felines. Snoops and Kommando Kitty here. We’re here with an update to our living situation. As you may know, our human sister moved back home a couple of months ago with her miniature humans. They are two and three years old. We are slowly adjusting to the new situation. We have both returned to the main floor, although we are doing our best to avoid the small creatures.

Kommando: It’s gotten a lot better since they started going to the human shelter during the day some days.

Snoops: I think the humans call it a daycare.

Kommando: I guess that explains why they come home every night.

Snoops: Yeah. That was pretty disappointing the first couple of times it happened.

Kommando: At least we get to eat in peace now.

Snoops: At long as we’re done before they get home. That blonde one still eats our food if we leave it down.

Kommando: Yeah. I don’t get it. We won’t eat the wet stuff after a few hours, but he doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.

Snoops: Even the salmon which isn’t that great when it’s fresh.

Sgt Stripes: Hi ladies. That sounds pretty rough. By the time they come upstairs, it’s bedtime. So I only see them for a few minutes. Of course, every morning they wake me up. Apparently they don’t like getting ready for that daycare thing.

Snoops: Do they scream and yell?

Sgt Stripes: Pretty much every morning.

Snoops: That’s the worst.

Kommando: I dunno. They’re really loud sometimes when they’re not screaming too.

Snoops: You know, cats have really sensitive hearing.

Kommando: That’s what makes us such excellent hunters.

Snoops: Our ears are really cool. The outer ear consists of the ear flap and canal. We can rotate our ears independently to hear sounds coming from different directions. Then we have the middle ear that’s full of small auditory bones and the eardrum. The inner ear has the cochlea and semicircular canals of fluid that help us maintain our amazing balance.

Kommando: And our ears are ultra cute too.

Sgt Stripes: I found a list of seven kinds of sounds cats hate on Mr. Google. Let’s see how our new housemates compare to the list. The first one is hissing.

Kommando: Ooh, yeah. I hate it when Snoops hisses at me.

Snoops: I only do that when you’re annoying.

Kommando: Well, the kids are super annoying, but they don’t hiss.

Snoops: I guess we don’t annoy or scare them.

Sgt Stripes: The second sound we don’t like is banging. It says that we don’t like pots and pans banging or doors slamming.

Snoops: That one is a major issue. Those kids are always banging things around in the kitchen.

Kommando: And our food dishes! Mom got us those nice stainless steel dishes, and they’re all over the house.

Sgt Stripes: How traumatic!

Snoops: It is. We have to talk to Mom about it.

Sgt Stripes: The next thing on the list is high-frequency sounds, like the ones that come from computer screens and television remotes.

Snoops: They have tablets that are pretty annoying. Although they don’t use them all that much.

Kommando: No, but I really dislike Peppa Pig. She is super annoying.

Sgt Stripes: Apparently we also dislike balloons popping. Do they do that?

Kommando: No. I don’t think that’s a problem.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think the next two are really an issue either. Some of us don’t like thunderstorms or fireworks either.

Snoops: I don’t think those are a problem.

Kommando: You sleep through almost anything.

Snoops: You’re just a scairdy-cat.

Kommando: I wish I knew how to hiss at you.

Sgt Stripes: I think the last one is a problem. It says that cats don’t like loud yelling or arguments. It says that the sounds coming from young children can be very stressful to kitties. We don’t like it when our humans are stressed out.

Kommando: The little humans are stressing us out!

Snoops: So what are we supposed to do?

Sgt Stripes: It says we’re supposed to find a  quiet place where we can calm down.

Kommando: I have a better idea. Let’s find a quiet place to put them.

Snoops: Let’s think about this.

18

World Toilet Day: Let’s Talk Litter

Seven Steps to Toilet Training Your Cat | Hartz

Greetings everyone! We learned that tomorrow, November 19, is World Toilet Day. The United Nations is highlighting the sanitation crisis in much of the world. We really don’t know (or care) about humans and toilets, but it did getting us thinking about kitty waste.

Sand Cat Debuts at Smithsonian's ...

In the wild, cats usually try to find soft or sandy soil for their toilet. It allows for easy burial. Outdoor kitties use their paws in a backwards, sweeping motion to bury their leavings. A litter box tries to replicate this experience. Humans usually refer to litter boxes as a cat things, but other animals use them too. Rabbits, ferrets, miniature pigs, and small dogs have all been litter-trained. The difference is is that we cats generally do it instinctively. (The humans won’t say it, but we’re smarter.)

Lolcats - litter box - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with  words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words

Humans like litter boxes because they contain our waste. We like litter boxes because we are generally clean animals and like to be able to cover up our waste. A clean litter box helps us be happy, healthy members of the family.

Lolcats - litter box - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with  words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words

There are a wide variety of litters. Generally speaking, we kitties prefer unscented, low-dust varieties. We have sensitive noses that are easily offended by strong smells (unless it’s mackerel). We need two to three inches to allow for proper burial. And it should be scooped daily. The most common type of litter is clay-based. They also make silica-based litter. Silica is dangerous if you eat it. (Although we do not recommend eating any type of litter.) Other alternatives are wood chips, wheat, sawdust, grains, corncobs, and newspapers.  Some of it clumps for easier removal. We recommend you work with your human to find what’s best for you.

Where to Put a Litter Box: 6 Essential Considerations - Bob Vila

There are LOTS of litter boxes to choose from. Around here, you can spend anywhere from five dollars to several hundred dollars, depending on how fancy it is. The simplest ones are just a tray that your human fills with litter.  It should be big enough so you can comfortably get in it to do your business. You don’t want your tail hanging out the end. You also need to make sure the sides aren’t too high to enter and exit comfortably. Here are your choices:

Open Litter Box – These are the traditional litter trays. They are usually the least expensive, so they are a great choice if you need multiple boxes. Some kitties like them because they can keep an eye on what’s going on around them.
Whisker Litter-Robot 3 Connect Wi-Fi-Enabled Covered Automatic  Self-Cleaning Cat Litter Box Beige LR3C-1000 - Best Buy
Covered Litter Box – Basically a tray with a lid. The lid helps keep the odors down, but it’s harder to clean. A good option for the more private cat.
Self-Cleaning Litter Box – These boxes have a raking mechanism that sifts through the litter and collects the waste into a tray. Your human just needs to dump the tray. But they make noise, and some kitties don’t like that.
Designer Catbox Cat Litter Box Enclosure, Hidden, Dog-Proof Pet Furniture  with Cover, Elegant, Covered, Odor Contained for Large Cats, Cat Litter Box  ...

Designer Litter Box – These are made for the discerning cat. They look like high-end furniture and match the rest of your human’s decor. Needless to say, they may be a little pricey. But you’re worth it.

Where to put the cat litter box?
Sifting Pan Litter Box –  One box with a grate on the bottom sits inside a slightly larger pan. Your human lifts the first box, shakes it a little, and lets the unused litter filter through the holes in the grate. Then they dump the dirty litter. We have a couple of these. Our humans like them better than the plain trays.
Disposable Litter Box – Every day, your human just throws everything away. The best ones are made of biodegradable materials that will disintegrate along with the waste.
FIRST RULE OF LITTER BOX CLUB - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats |  funny cat pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes |  lol cats
Finally, make sure that your human has enough litter boxes for you and your furry siblings. There should be at least one litter box on every floor of a house. Additionally, each kitty should have their own litter box with a spare. Generally speaking, litter boxes should not be in sight of each other. (Note – we have two in one room and it really doesn’t bother us. But that’s just us.)
Cat laughing : r/cats

We will leave you with a couple of jokes:

A cat gives birth in a public park and is fined $50 for littering.

Why did the mother cat pick up her kittens? She didn’t want to litter

What do you call books written for cats? Kitty litter-ature

What do you call a cat that can’t use the litter box? Ill-litter-ate

Pet Releaf

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

21

A Kitty’s Thanksgiving Feast

Wow. We can’t believe it’s less than two weeks until Thanksgiving here in the US. The humans keep talking about all the food they’re going to have. We decided that we would look into what it means for us cats. To be perfectly honest, it was a little disappointing.

Of course, the centerpiece (at least at our house) is going to be a turkey. We love turkey and were happy to hear that we are allowed to share the main course. There was a former cat here who would sit in the kitchen and wait on the table for the bird to come out of the oven. We’re not that bad, but turkey is yummy. But the science people say that we’re not supposed to eat the skin or bones. That sounds reasonable. But they also prefer if we avoid the dark meat because it has more fat. Hmmph! Like we’re going to get fat on one meal.

Can Cats Eat Turkey? - Cats.com

The rest of the meal doesn’t sound all that appetizing to us. But maybe some of the rest of you will be happy with the side dishes. Apparently, we’re supposed to eat them plain, no added sugars, salt, or butter. (We’re very disappointed – butter is our favorite part of veggies.)

Can Cats Eat Pumpkin? Veterinarians Explain | Trusted Since 1922

We can eat pumpkin and sweet potatoes. Pumpkin is full of all kinds of nutritious stuff that’s good for us. But no pumpkin pie! And no marshmallow on the sweet potatoes. Generally speaking, cats prefer their pumpkin and sweet potatoes pureed. After all, we don’t have the right kind of teeth for grinding. (Maybe a tiny bit of whipped cream wouldn’t be missed.)

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Apparently, some kitties really like veggies. Most of the lists we looked at said that we could be given green beans, carrots, spinach, broccoli, and cabbage. Steamed green beans are a favorite for some kitties. Most of the others are best if they are cooked at least a little bit, although some cats like raw carrots. None of us eat vegetables, but feel free to indulge if you’d like.

Can Cats Eat Apples? Are Apples Safe For Cats? | Cats, Cat facts, Pet news

Humans eat both apples and cranberries this time of year. You can try either if you are so inclined. Have your human seed the apples and cut them up small enough so you don’t choke (or make you unsweetened applesauce). Cranberries, on the other hand, are kind of sour. Your human should probably cook them and mix them with something a little sweeter like apple or pumpkin.

Truthfully, we really weren’t all that impressed with the human foods for Thanksgiving. So we found a few recipes that your human can make special for you.
Will Those Holiday Leftovers Poison Your Cat? - CatGazette
Turkey Triangles
  • 1/2 cup ground turkey
  • 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 tablespoon olive oil
  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Farenheit.
  2. Mix the ingredients in a large bowl.
  3. Knead the dough into a ball.
  4. Spread flour over a flat workspace.
  5. Roll out the dough to 1/4″ thickness.
  6. Place the dough on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
  7. Score the dough into (cat) bite-sized triangles. Do not cut all the way through (Score 1/2″ wide rows, then diagonal cuts across the rows, finally diagonal cuts in the opposite direction.)
  8. Bake for 20 minutes.
  9. After cooling, snap into triangles.

Is it safe to feed fish to cats? | Honolulu Star-Advertiser

Tuna Yum Yums

  • 1/2 cup flour
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 1/2 cup of milk
  • 1/2 can of tuna
  • 1 tablespoon of vegetable or fish oil
  • 1 egg
  • 1 teaspoon of catnip (optional)

Fancy Feast Released a Cookbook of Companion Recipes for Humans

Kitty Casserole