Tag Archives: cookies

10

Gator Family Christmas – Part 2

|

This is the Santa Alligator, he brings presents to every Alligator who serves in the Alligator Army, you all have been added to his nice list :) : r/Alligator_Army

Where we are – Stan and Adele have invited the family to South Carolina to celebrate Christmas. On his way to pick up his son Vinny, Uncle Stu met a woman and thinks he’s in love. You can read Part 1 here.

It was two days before Christmas. Vinny pulled into the driveway and everyone went out to meet him.

Stan: Welcome! Glad you made it.

Stan looks in the car.

Stan: Where’s Uncle Stu?

800-pound gator caught on camera - CNN Video

Vinny: The last time I saw him, he was baking Christmas cookies.

Granny started laughing.

Granny: Stu’s never baked anything in his life. Your mother was afraid to let him in the kitchen.

John: Remember when he tried to grill that turkey? He didn’t realize you had to light the fire ahead of time. He ended up setting the turkey on fire.

Vinny (laughing): Yeah. We had to go buy clam chowder for everyone to eat. Maybe I shouldn’t have said he was baking. He was sitting in the kitchen while Katya was doing all the work.

Granny: That sounds more like Stu.

Cuddling yacares | Pantanal, Cuddling, Animals

Adele: Is Katya his new soul mate?

Vinny: I guess. She seems nice enough.

Adele: How did he meet her?

Vinny: He went up to her house to ask for directions. He couldn’t figure out how to get to my house. She asked him to come in, and he’s still there.

Granny: We should have guessed. So he wants to stay with her rather than us for Christmas?

Vinny: You know Dad. She was nice to him, so he thinks he’s in love.

Gator Country - Gators need cuddles, too!! | Facebook

Stan: In fairness, he does irritate a lot of people. It was probably nice to find someone agreeable.

Vinny: He’s safer with her than some of the other characters he runs across.

Justine: Reading his stories on GatorGab is amazing, Uncle Stu leads a very interesting life for a retired gator.

Adele: He does have some interesting adventures.

Granny: He’s too trusting. He lets other people talk him into doing stupid things. So he’s not coming for Christmas.

Vinny: Katya told him he was welcome to spend the holidays with her if he would like. He thinks it would be a nice change.

Granny: Change from what? He’s never been to Stan and Adele’s. It’s our first Christmas here.

Vinny shrugged. He was disappointed his father hadn’t come with him, but knew that there was no point in arguing with him. His father was as stubborn an alligator as he’d ever met.

  • Pin on Animals, Animals, Animals

Suzy: Well, that’s disappointing. He’s funny and he tells great stories.

Adele: I agree, honey. Maybe we can invite him again next year.

The rest of the gators spent the evening catching up with Vinny. On Christmas Eve, everyone put their presents under the tree. They drank eggnog and at cookies while Granny told stories about Stan and his brothers when they were young alligators.

Justine, Suzy, and Danny listened intently. They loved hearing about Christmas at the swamp. Before long, it was bedtime.

Granny: You kids better get to bed. It’s time for Santa Claws to come.

Suzy: Oh, Granny! You know we’re too old for Santa.

Granny: I know, dear. But I need some peace and quiet. I’m not used to having everyone around. I want to be well-rested for the big meal tomorrow.

In the morning, they were opening their presents when there was a commotion outside.

Florida Woman Fights to Keep Her Pet Alligator Who Wears Clothes and 'Rides' ATVs - ABC News

Adele: What is all that noise?

Stan: It sounds like sleigh bells.

Adele: We live in South Carolina. It can’t be sleigh bells.

Justine: It’s definitely bells.

This Woman Is Dangerous: Alligator at the door

Someone knocked on the door. Then rang the doorbell. And rang the bell again. And again.

Adele: Hold on. I’m coming.

She opened the door.

Adele: Stu! What are you doing here?

Stu: I thought I was invited for Christmas. Today’s Christmas.

Adele: You were invited. But you told Vinny that you were staying in Florida. With Katya.

Stu: I never said that. I said I wasn’t coming with him.

Vinny: Dad, you said you were staying there.

Florida woman shocked to find 'aggressive' eight-foot alligator knocking on her door | Daily Mail Online

Stu: I did stay there. But now I’m here. Can I come in?

Adele: Of course. How did you get here? Did you drive by yourself?

Stu: No. Katya drove me. She has an excellent sense of direction.

Adele: Where is she?

Stu: I told her she wasn’t invited. She’s in the car waiting for me.

Granny: Stu! You’re an idiot. Tell her to get in here. It’s Christmas. We’re not going to make her wait in the car after she was nice enough to bring you all the way up here.

American Alligators resting

Stu: Okay. I didn’t want to impose on Adele. You’re really going to like her.

Stu went out to the car and invited Katya in. She explained that Stu hadn’t told her that he was supposed to be going to a big family Christmas. Once she found out what he was missing, she insisted on driving him up so he wouldn’t get lost. Her own family was celebrating later in the week so she wouldn’t miss anything by helping Stu.

Stu acted as if nothing unusual occurred. He sat at the head of the table and got the biggest slice of roast beef.

How an Alligator attack got my family into Ducks – Doing Manly Things (Mostly)

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

 

15

The RHCCC: Talent Show – Part 1

|

The World's Most Famous Library Cat | Cats, Cat books, Bookstore cats

You can see the introduction to The Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove here.

Fluffy loved her position as the unofficial social director of Crabapple Cove. The only real downside was that it seemed like half of her life was spent trying to raise money for one worthy cause or another. She liked to try innovative ideas, but sometimes they just didn’t work.

3 Reasons Why Cat People Are The Best Kind Of People.

One example was the mess she was looking at just now. Someone had suggested a mini carnival to raise money for the Crabapple Cove Public Library. Living in Maine, she had some concerns about the weather so they were holding it in the high school gym. Fluffy had attended a private school. She didn’t realize that high school gyms have a “special” smell. Luckily, she seemed to be the only one who noticed.

The Dangers of Strings, Ribbons, and Yarn for Cats

On the other hand, why had she allowed the yarn-ball pit? It had seemed like a good idea when someone suggested it. Large balls of yarn in a huge basket for the kittens to jump around in. She didn’t have kittens. How was she supposed to know that they would start jumping on top of each other? Or that their mothers would get so upset that their little puff-balls got jumped on?

Lolcats - whack a mole - LOL at Funny Cat Memes - Funny cat pictures with words on them - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with

Whack-a-Mouse wasn’t going as planned either. What type of weirdo would assume that she was going to provide real mice for them to wallop?

Image result for cat meme i heard the word snacks | Cats, Cute animals, Pets

The snacks seemed a little off too. Who knew that Mousie Krunchies wouldn’t have real mouse in them? Or that some people would expect high-grade free-range poultry in the moist treats? Everyone knows they are the best, but we’re trying to make money. Those snacks are really expensive.

Tumblr User Explain Why Cats Are Obsessed With Eating Bread | Bored Panda

The baked-goods table was a disaster. She finally had to kick out the kid who kept licking the cream off the salmon mousse. And who knew that you couldn’t have catnip-infused cookies inside a public school? Strangest of all, why did some of them think their entry ticket entitled them to a free snack of their choosing?

Cleaning the bathroom | Cat work, Cat memes, Cats

Fluffy went over to talk to Bella, who had been taking tickets.

Fluffy: This is a disaster.

Bella: I’m afraid you’re right. One of the moms is threatening to sue over the yarn-ball pit.

Daphne and Miki walked up.

Daphne: Don’t worry. I took care of that. She was fine once her kitten stopped crying.

Miki: You’re still not going to make much. Once word got out about the snacks and ‘nip, cats decided they didn’t want to bother coming out.

Bella: What do we do now?

Fluffy: Let me think about it. Right now, we need to make sure everything is cleaned up. I don’t think I ever want to see this room again, but I don’t want them banning me either.

My cat sleeps constantly, when should I worry? | Memphis Emergency Vet

Fluffy went home and slept for a few hours. When she woke up, she had an idea that she chatted to her friends:

Image - 27970] | Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Committeh | Know Your Meme

Brainstorm! Remember that little screech owl who auditioned for us a while ago? She sang horribly, but was so sweet we wanted to help her somehow? I’m going to put on a talent show for the library. Maybe she can connect with someone who will help her. Round up everyone you know with an actual talent, and we’ll get things rolling.

KKPS: a talent show? - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats | funny cat pictures with words on them | funny pictures | lol cat memes | lol cats

Come back in a month for the talent show.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

0

What Do You Bring to an Inter-Species Potluck?

|

Like most other offices, “Adventures in Cheeseland” has a holiday party between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Probably the only difference between ours and yours is that being inter-species, we don’t allow meat. It would definitely ruin the ambience if someone saw a friend/family member in the stew.

Being in charge means that Lenny and George (they are the mice in the header) need to make sure that everything runs smoothly. They are looking at the sign-up sheet to see what else is needed.

George: It looks like almost everyone is bringing something.

Lenny: Oh, no! Sigmund Squirrel has signed up to bring acorn squash again. It’s your turn to tell him that smashed up acorns are different than acorn squash.

George: Fine. But you tell Hortense Hen that it creeps out people when she brings in deviled eggs. Everyone knows where they come from.

Lenny: Eww! I forgot about that.

George: It appears that Snoops and Kommando are getting together to make catnip brownies. Do you think that’s appropriate for an office party?

Lenny: If you think it’s a problem, you tell them. They scare me.

George: They’re harmless. Cat won’t let them near us.

Lenny: Don’t you remember what happened last year at the party? Snoops threatened to make me the main dish!

George: I’d forgotten all about it. Well, you did make her pretty mad.

Lenny: I thought she’d like me bringing kitty kibble.

George: You brought kitty kibble from her secret stash.

Lenny: How was I supposed to know that?

George: It was behind the kitty bed in Cat’s office.

Lenny: Oh, yeah. I told you we should have gone in together and gotten pumpkin spice ice cream and pumpkin spice coffee.

George: Most of the staff doesn’t like pumpkin.

Lenny: But it was a great sale!

George: So do you have any ideas for this year?

Lenny: I think so. What are you bringing?

George: Well, I was going to bring a cheeseball. But when I bought one last year, the kids ate out the core. They didn’t think I’d miss it. So I’m thinking almond cookies. I can go down the street to the Chinese restaurant to get them. That way, the kids won’t even see them.

Lenny: That’s a great idea! Almost everyone likes almonds or cookies.

George: So what’s your idea?

Lenny: I was thinking hot chocolate. Well, not really hot chocolate because it’s served cold.

George: So you’re bringing cold hot chocolate?

Lenny: Yeah. I found it in an old book. It think it might be someone’s family recipe. Do you want to try some? I made a test batch and brought it in.

George: Sure! I love chocolate!

(They go to Lenny’s office and close the door. Lenny brings out a pitcher and two small glasses. He pours a brownish liquid into both glasses. George sniffs and wrinkles his whiskers.)

George: This smell kinda weird, Len. Are you sure you made it right?

Lenny: I followed the recipe exactly.

George: Okay. Well, here we go.

(George takes a large mouthful, turns green, and spits it back in the glass.)

Lenny: What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?

George: That is the worst cold hot chocolate I have ever tasted. Let me see that recipe.

(Lenny pulls out the recipe and gives it to George.)

Lenny: See, it says it was put together by some doctor in Spain in 1631.

George: It says “Take one hundred cocoa beans, two chilies, a handful of anise seed and two of vanilla (two pulverized Alexandria roses can be substituted), two drams of cinnamon, one dozen almonds and the same amount of hazelnuts, half a pound of white sugar and enough annatto to give some color.”

Lenny: Yeah, it didn’t say what kind of chilies, so I asked the guy to give me a couple of hot ones. And I told you it wasn’t served hot.

George: Did you try this?

Lenny: No. The smell made me sick.

George: And you want to serve this at our party?

Lenny: I said it was an idea.

George: It’s a terrible idea.

Lenny: OK. What do you think I should bring?

George: We still need napkins and paper plates.

 

References:

http://www.thenibble.com/reviews/main/chocolate/the-history-of-chocolate.asp

http://albanykid.com/2011/12/11/hot-chocolate-hot-cocoa-and-xocoatl/

3

I Don’t Have Time for This

|

I will admit up front that I am a Christmas procrastinator. However, I do have a couple of not-bad excuses for it. (Of course I have time to make up excuses – I’m not doing much of anything else.)

I have always preferred to do my wrapping all at once. I’m one of those people who has twenty-five different rolls of paper because I love to have all the different colors under the tree. I probably got the idea from TV in the days before I realized those people don’t actually wrap their own stuff. I should look into getting “people” to do it for me. I make a huge mess. Besides, I have to make sure all my daughter’s presents aren’t wrapped in the same paper, don’t I?

I’m also one of those people who likes to see lots of presents under the tree. So I have been known to wrap a stack of books in several different packages. And I like ribbons and bows. And ribbons really do look better if you get the skinny kind and make some of your bows by hand. But that’s a lot of work, so I can’t do it at the same time as I wrap because I would be too tired to care what things look like at the end and get crabby. And my husband says I get crabby enough as it is.

At one point, I was organized enough to get my shopping done by the end of November. Then I got married, got a real job, had kids, and got medicine for being bipolar. (I spend a lot less money, but around the holidays really miss those days when I could get twice as many things done at once.) All of that took up a lot of time. But the final straw came when Rascal moved in.

Rascal was a sweet, lovable cat with one really annoying habit. She never met a ribbon or bow she didn’t want to eat. She also liked opening presents. For years, every bow we had came with teeth marks. Not only that, cats don’t digest ribbon well. So we’d spend a fair amount of time cleaning up cat vomit.

This house has a sun room we can use to store presents. But the first one was really small. It was either wait to wrap the presents or continually repair things with tape. Eventually nothing could be opened without a knife on Christmas morning. Luckily I come from one of those families where the men don’t feel fully dressed unless they have a pocket knife.

I also like to power-bake over a couple of days. Once again, I make a huge mess and would like to limit the clean-up to one major sand-blasting each year. Besides, we want fresh cookies, right? My mother used to make a lot of pressed cookies (the ones that come out of the thing that looks like a lube/grout gun) and Mexican Wedding/Russian Tea Cake cookies. Those cookies start out so dry, no one can tell how old they are (at least hers did). Mine tend more to the chocolate chip/peanut butter variety which don’t hold up so well.

Bottom line? This was my week-end to prepare for Christmas. On Friday, we had a lot of boxes to unload at work. No big deal; I have a brace to wear at night and can barely tell by the next morning. I’d been having a little trouble with my shoulder, but that wasn’t interfering with anything, so I didn’t even consider that. My plan: I’d get up Saturday morning, get to work, and be ready for Christmas Sunday night.

Wrong. Apparently whatever I strained in my shoulder is connected to whatever I hurt in my hand. (Guess the song’s right about the shoulder bone being connected to the elbow, etc.) By 1a Saturday morning, I couldn’t sleep because of the pain. I finally got up about 7a. I could barely move my hand. I wasn’t sure which was worse, the pain or the constant feeling that my arm was ‘waking up’. I tried all those pain relievers (not all at once) that are supposed to allow you ‘to get on with your life’.  I had always made the assumption that they meant with minimal pain. I guess it just means they won’t kill you.

My husband told me I should go to the doctor. It was probably good advice, but unless the doctor was going to do the baking I didn’t really see it as a short-term solution. So I did the logical thing – took a couple of muscle relaxers (from the last time I hurt my shoulder) and slept most of the day. I didn’t get anything done, but I didn’t care.

So, now it is Sunday morning. My arm feels a lot better, but I have a hang-over from the muscle relaxers. I wonder how the family would feel about having all the presents in a giant box. They could guess which present was meant for which person.