Uncle Stu and Amanda had been married almost a year when they decided to have a party. It was part anniversary party, part housewarming. They were going to live in Amanda’s house in South Carolina so she could be near her grand-gators. Vinny, Stu’s only son, was still single. However, when Vinny and Stu moved all of his things up there was no way it was all going to fit comfortably. So he put it in storage, and they went house-hunting. Now they were having family and friends over to celebrate.
Vinny: I have to admit, you found a good place, Dad. How did you end up here?
Stu: We had to be careful where we bought. There are a lot of nice neighborhoods that are full of humans. Humans are not all nice.
Amanda: You know Stu. He thinks the best of everyone.
Stu: A man asks me if I wanted lunch. Of course, I did. Who doesn’t want lunch? He and his buddy were talking about what a nice shade of green I am.
Justine: That’s weird. Why would they say that? You’re basic alligator green.
Stu: The waiter took me aside and said I needed to leave.
Justine: What a weird place.
Stu: They were going to make shoes out of me. Remember to always be nice to waiters and other workers. Amanda came and picked me up.
Adele: You have the most interesting adventures, Uncle Stu.
Amanda: Needless to say, we did not end up in that neighborhood.
Stu: It was a lot harder to find a place than I thought it would be. I thought that a place with a nice yard for sunning would be easy to find. But it gets cold up here. Miami is warm all the time. Charleston, not so much.
Amanda: A friend told me about this place.
Adele: it is beautiful.
Amanda: And look at the sun porch. Plenty of room for a whole congregation of us to relax. (Ed. Note: Yes, that’s what a group of alligators is called.)
Granny: Stu, sometimes I worry about you being so far from home. Vinny won’t be around to get you out of scrapes.
Amanda: Stan and Adele are only a few blocks away. We’re hoping that we can keep him from getting into too many scrapes.
Stu: You all talk like I’m incapable of taking care of myself.
Amanda: You’re way too trusting, Stu. Remember how you almost bought a lifetime supply of olive oil because that sales clerk said it would make your skin soft?
Justine: Was that another try at making him into a snack?
Amanda: Thankfully, no. But alligators don’t need soft skin.
Stu: Sometimes it works out. I got a great deal on a hot tub. And what alligator doesn’t love a warm bath.
Amanda: That is true. Especially in the cooler weather.
Vinny: I saw where you guys got snow a while back.
Stu: It wasn’t a problem. It came and went.
Amanda: He wanted to make a snow gator, but it didn’t last.
Stan: Didn’t learn anything from the frostbite on your trip to Canada?
Stu: Truthfully, I had forgotten about that. Almost lost my tail.
There’s a knock at the door. Amanda leaves to answer it.
Stu: I hope that’s the toucans that I invited.
Vinny: Where did you meet toucans, Dad?
Stu: I was talking to someone at the bus stop and mentioned that we were having a housewarming. She seemed very nice. Big flamingo. I told her to stop by if she’d like.She asked if she could bring a few friends. Some exotic friends. I figured if they were more exotic than a flamingo, they must be toucans.
Amanda: Stu, why are there half-naked human women at our door?
Stu: I have no idea.
Amanda: You need to handle this.
Vinny: I work at a club in Miami. Let me handle it.
Amanda: Thank you.
Vinny goes out to talk to the humans. He returns a few minutes later, laughing.
Vinny: Dad, that “flamingo” was a lady dressed up like a bird. She asked you if you wanted exotic dancers at your party.
Suzy: What’s an exotic dancer?
Vinny: They are human dancers who work wearing very little clothing.
Suzy: Why would they think an alligator would want to see almost naked humans?
Justine: Eww.
Stu: She seemed like such a nice flamingo. I thought her friends would be nice too. Were they angry when you told them there had been a misunderstanding?
Vinny: Not at all. They thought there might have been a mistake when an alligator opened the door.
Granny: It looks like you haven’t solved the issues of keeping Stu out of trouble yet.
Pictures courtesy of Google Images.
Adventures in Cheeseland 