Tag Archives: Humor

20

The New Gnu News

|

Terms of Venery: Whence the Wildebeest: An Implausibility of Gnus

Welcome. My name is Isina, and I would like to welcome you to The New Gnu News. You may remember that we had to shut down The Gnu News several months ago after our founder and editor-in-chief, Clive Attlelon, was attacked and carried off by a pack of wild dogs. After much deliberation, we decided that we wanted to carry on with the paper in Clive’s memory,.

Here are some recent events from around the savanna:

Frolicking Giraffe and Baboon, Arusha National Park, Tanzania (Giraffes, Baboons) – Melissa Groo

Giraffes on Patrol – On the far west side of the savanna, giraffes are starting to take action against the large cats that are their natural predators. The giraffes have joined forces with local baboons. The plan is to have the baboon ride the giraffe and throw things (possibly fruit at the cats to scare them office. Training is almost complete, with the teams set to ride by the end of the month.

Lion Conservation & Endangered Status ...

Big Cat Entente – With the humans continuing to encroach on hunting land, the big cats are putting their heads together to see if they can put their natural instincts aside long enough to figure out how everyone can keep eating. The cats say that rumors of eating a human once in a while to ease the crowding was never seriously considered. There continues to be discussions around the possibility of relocating some of the jackals and hyenas. Talks are ongoing.

All you need to know about zebras, from where they live and why they migrate to the mystery behind their stripes | Discover Wildlife

Teen-Age Zebra Angst – Zebra parents are getting worried. The latest trend on zebra social media is to dye their coats, so the zebra looks more like a horse. Parents and grandparents are worried about losing zebra identity. The influencers say they will be more popular with both horses and zebras being attracted. Parents say there’s nothing stopping zebras and horses from dating now and that zebras will lose their exotic mystique. Besides the dye is hard on the hair and needs to be done once a month.

FAQ on Africa Antelope - Africa Mammals Guide

Animal Tracking Alert – The popular dating app, Animal Tracking, has admitted that it has been hacked. Someone has been matching wildly incompatible clients. One antelope was horrified to discover she had been matched with a buzzard. The first time they met for drinks, she was horrified to discovered that her date was happily slurping down a brown piece of something. Luckily, she saw him before he saw her. She has blocked the buzzard on the app but is thinking that she should probably just close the account and move to a more herbivore-centric dating site. Remember – always meet in a public place for your first date.

White Rhino | Species | WWF

Rhinoceros Support Group – Are you tired of everyone thinking that you’re a mean, bad-tempered brute looking for a fight just because you’re a large animal with a scary horn on your head? Are you looking for somewhere you can go and not feel like you are frightening everyone? Join us on Tuesday nights either in person or on anima-vision at Rhino-Bro. It’s a totally safe space where you can be you. Let us help you to be proud of who you are.

City of Seattle ITD on X: "Happy International #CatDay ...if only cats had cell phones. Seattle IT is calling on cat lover @KateMGarman to top this photo! https://t.co/5k2kGzMltF" / X

Help Wanted – We’re looking for a few highly-motivated, ambitious interns. You will learn the ins and outs of the financial services industry. Hands-on experience with actual clients. Learn how the banking business really works. You will be expected to meet/exceed goals you set with your advisor. We work hard, and we play hard. If this sounds interesting, click on the link below to get started on your application. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The position is unpaid.

What lives on the savanna? - Q-files - Search • Read • Discover

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

New Year’s Resolutions, Cat-Style

|

Greetings. Snoops here. Apparently humans do something called Making New Year’s Resolutions this time of year. I don’t really understand why Wednesday is going to be a different year from Tuesday. I think it has something to do with using up all the pages on the calendar.

Of course, cats are perfect so we don’t need to make promises about exercising every day or drinking less coffee. And some cats are less perfect than others; they just can’t see where they need to improve. So we decided to help each other identify slight flaws that could be worked on. Each cat came up with one suggestion for every other cat.

Angel

Gypsy: You still need to apologize for all the food you stole from me when we were together in the sunroom. You could offer to share your food with me.

Onyx: You seem to be spending a lot of time on my human’s lap. I think you should resolve to spend more time finding somewhere else to lounge.

Sgt Stripes: You were really nice to me. We even hunted together. I think you should try harder to play with me. I think we could be buddies.

Snoops: I like you best of all the invader cats. But I don’t like to eat all of my food at the same time the way you guys too. You could try not to eat my scraps until you find out if they really are scraps.

Gypsy

Onyx: You should stop sleeping in the plants. You smell like dirt.

Sgt Stripes: You’re my favorite of the invader cats. You should spend more time with the rest of us. We could be best friends and spend lots of time playing.

Snoops: You seem really nervous a lot of the time. You should find something that will help you relax. Maybe some catnip tea.

Angel: You need to get over what happened in the sunroom. And stop trying to steal my breakfast.

Onyx

Sgt Stripes: You kinda seem to have a bad attitude. Like you think you’re better than the rest of us. Maybe you should try meditation or something.

Snoops: You kinda mess up the rhythm of treat time. Maybe you should try flavors other than dairy. Mom always has to get out a separate bag for you.

Angel: You think you’re better than we are because your human came with us. You could willingly share her once in a while.

Gypsy: You seem a little arrogant. You should try hanging out with the cats sometime, not just with your human.

Sgt Stripes

Snoops: I am the empress kitty here. Quit pouncing on me.

Angel: You’re a really nice kitty. I like it when you just hang out with us. You should try to get your exercise somewhere else.

Gypsy: We were buddies when we were both upstairs. You should try to do more shared naptimes. It’s cold now. Work on getting a cuddle buddy.

Onyx: I don’t really know you. Maybe you could stop eating all those revolting flavors of treats so they only buy the good ones.

Snoops

Angel: I think you should resolve to find a new napping buddy now that Kommando is gone. I volunteer to be your new partner.

Gypsy: You seem to be really tense sometimes, just like me. I think you need to find a new napping spot. And maybe take some vitamins.

Onyx: I don’t think you understand my esteemed position in my previous household. I think I am due more respect here.

Sgt Stripes: You need to chill out and relax. Sometimes you look and sound really mean.

Cats On New Years Calendar Art Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Free New Year Clipart - New Year Graphics

13

Christmas Toy Delivery – The Yaks’ Perspective – Part 3

|

Project Himalaya | Our yak photo gallery

Where we are: It’s almost Christmas, and Santa is worried. For years, his ability to deliver toys around the world on Christmas Eve has been credited to Christmas magic. In reality, he and the reindeer are magic, but they get a lot of help storing the toys locally by using the services of Yak Express. In reality, Beasts of Burden (BoB), a unionized subsidiary of Yak Express, has a contract to get the toys to worldwide staging areas for the reindeer to pick them up on Christmas Eve.The yaks do a lot of the work, and the reindeer get all the glory. The yaks are ready to go on strike if they don’t get some recognition. You can read parts 1 here and 2 here.

Siamese Cat Breed Information & Characteristics

The two sides are meeting with an arbitrator to find some common ground. Both sides have been whispering amongst themselves while they wait for the meeting to start. Finally a beautiful Siamese cat walks into the room and looks around.

Santa (whispering): Who is she? I’ve never seen her before. I thought all the arbitrators were elves.

Tibetan Yak colors | yak color patterns | yak images | Tibet images

Zeke, the lead yak negotiator looks pleased. They had been concerned that the elves would be too close to Santa to be impartial. The cat takes a seat at the head of the table.

Cat: Good morning everyone. My name is Nakhon, and I am here to help you come to an agreement regarding changes the yaks would like to make in their new contract. It appears that the two sides are rather far apart after several weeks of negotiation, and the yaks are ready to go on strike.

Angry Santa Claus Images - Free Download on Freepik

Santa: They can’t go on strike. It would ruin Christmas!

Nakhon: Then, I recommend you find a way to make them content. Who will be representing your side?

Santa: It’s my personal attorney, Sylvester SilverBells.

Nakhon: And for the yaks?

Zeke: I am the lead negotiator. My name is Zeke.

Siamese Cat Reading Sun Tzu's 'Art of War' | Stable Diffusion Online

Nakhon: I’ve been looking over the requests that the yaks have made. They seem to be pretty straightforward. Let’s begin with the request for shelter in extreme climates. That seems to be a reasonable request.

Sylvester: We have a concern that building yak centers in remote locations will draw attention to our operation. We don’t want to spoil the magic for all of the boys and girls.

A highland cow sleeping in the evening sun : r/aww

Zeke: We aren’t asking for huge new facilities. Our members would be happy with a warm bed of hay and some grass and water. Too many times, they’ve had to wander around looking for a spot to lie down. We wouldn’t be resting until we had delivered the presents to the storage facility.

Nakhon: That sounds reasonable to me, Mr. SilverBells. You don’t want your yaks to be collapsing from exhaustion, do you? That would be a bigger scandal than someone finding out the reindeer are being helped by yaks.

Young Oregon Farmer Tries To Make A Career With Yaks | Jefferson Public Radio

Sylvester: I suppose you’re right. We’ll find some type of shelter in any location that is more than 20 miles from an existing shelter.

Zeke: We’d also like a an allowance for travel-based expenses.

Nakhon: That was not part of the original request. I will order the two sides to form a committee to deal with that issue.

Zeke (to his team): It was worth a shot.

A yak with long horns walking down a dirt road photo – Free Scotland Image on Unsplash

Nakhon: Moving along. How often do the yaks travel more than 250 miles on a trip?

Zeke:Things are sent all over the globe. Sometimes the yaks have to take boats or trains to get to their destination. It can take several days.

Nakhon: How did you arrive at a bonus every 250 miles?

Zeke: It’s a good way to keep the employee motivated to accept the long-haul routes.

Yak | Took a picture of running Yak near Macherma, Nepal. It… | Flickr

Sylvester: It’s not feasible to give the yaks a bonus every 250 miles. That would be too expensive. Almost every trip is over 250 miles.

Nakhon: It does seem a little overly generous. Perhaps you could work out a bonus that is paid at the end of each trip.

Zeke: We need to make sure that we are rewarding our best performers.

Sylvester: We can work out something based on how quickly and safely the yaks complete a round trip.

Zeke: That sounds reasonable.

New Year's celebrations shelved across the globe as COVID-19 surges, here's who canceled and who hasn't | Fox Business

Nakhon: The final item is paid holidays. Have the yaks been working without any paid holidays.

Zeke: Yes, ma’am

Sylvester: The yaks don’t really need paid holidays. Their work is seasonal.

Zeke: We have to be available whenever Santa wants us.

Reindeer (Caribou) | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

Nakhon: Do the reindeer have paid holidays? Their work is also seasonal.

Sylvester: That’s different. They don’t get Christmas off.

Zeke: No, but they are paid for New Year’s Day and Easter. And they get paid vacations.

Nakhon: Would these holidays interfere with the service Santa requires?

What is the winter Solstice? | English Heritage

Sylvester: The Winter Solstice is during our busy season.

Zeke: We can do without that, this time.

Nakhon: I think that’s everything. Do we have an agreement?

Zeke: I have to let the members vote on it, but I think it’s an agreement.

Sylvester: We agree.

Santa: Wonderful! Now let’s get back to work. It’s almost Christmas.

About 1 — YAK VANS

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

9

Christmas Toy Delivery – The Yaks’ Perspective – Part 2

|

Large hairy yak carrying load close up, 2023

Where we are: The yaks who are part of the Beasts of Burden (BoB) union are currently working without a contract.They are the key to Santa’s logistical network doing the behind-the-scenes present delivery to Santa’s depots all over the world. The reindeer “last-mile” delivery on Christmas Eve is only possible because of the yaks’ hard work. The yaks are never mentioned because Santa feels it would take away some of the magic from Christmas. You can read about it here.

Pin page

The yaks’ contract with North Pole management expired in the middle of September. They have been working hard since then without a contract. The yaks are asking for more money in the form of a per-mile bonus, shelters and food in some of the more remote areas, and six paid holidays. Currently the yaks are paid an hourly rate with no other benefits.

Santa is getting nervous. He sets up a meeting with Herman Hoover, his accountant.

Dog accountant Pets with jobs | Premium AI-generated image

Santa; Herman, I just got a letter from Max Yak. He’s the head of the BoB. He says they’re going on strike if we don’t meet their demands for a new contract. Did you know about this?

Herman: Actually, I did. I’ve been talking with them for several weeks. Their requests are outrageous. They want us to build shelters for them if they have to deliver to the desert or the Arctic circle. That was part of the advantage in hiring yaks; they can adapt to almost any weather.

Yak | Wild Ox of Asia, Himalayas & Tibet | Britannica

Santa: They do a lot of work for us. It seems reasonable that they would need a place to rest once in awhile.

Herman: But what if someone finds out that they’re in the area on official North Pole business? It’s not as if a yak with a hundred Christmas presents is a common sight. We’re trying to get them in and out as quickly as possible. Next thing you’ll know is that they will want us to provide trains so they can travel in comfort.

Yak in a flat cap with a knapsack riding a train on Craiyon

Santa: They didn’t say anything about trains. I think that would be unreasonable. Definitely no trains.

Herman: I didn’t mean they were actually asking for trains. It was just an example of what might be next if we provide shelter.

Santa: What about this request for per-mile bonus. Don’t we already pay them for their travel.

Yak walking on footbridge amidst mountains at Sagarmatha National Park stock photo

Herman: We pay them a decent hourly wage. They want a bonus on top of that for every 250 miles they travel in a year. The bonus would be paid at the end of the year. It’s a ridiculous request. Their entire job is to travel; why would we pay them extra for doing the job they were hired to do?

Santa: Do we give the reindeer a holiday bonus?

Herman: That’s different. They travel the entire globe over a 24-hour period.

The Meaning of Lunar New Year, Also Known As Chinese New Year

Santa: What holidays do they want to be paid for?

Herman: New Years Day, Lunar New Years Day, Nepalese New Year, Summer Solstice, Winter Solstice, and Christmas.

Santa: They want three new years every year? Why would they want the Nepalese New Year off?

Herman: Yak Express is headquartered in Nepal.

Diamond Painting - Full Round - Christmas Yak(30*30cm)

Santa: It’s getting close to Christmas. We need to make sure the presents can all be delivered.

Herman: Don’t worry, the yaks won’t cancel Christmas. We’ve been working with them for years. They always get a little touchy when the contract needs to be renewed, but they sign in the end.

Santa: I’m not sure. I don’t remember it ever running into December before.

Yaks: The Eco-friendly Giants - A Sustainable Alternative in a Warming World

Santa’s phone rings and he picks it up. He ends the call with “Yes, I understand.”

Herman: What was that about?

Santa: That was Max Yak. If we don’t settle the contract by December 15, they’re going to strike.

How reindeer evolved to be Santa's perfect helper | BBC Earth

Herman: They should have most of the presents delivered by then. The reindeer will have to pick up the slack.

Santa: He also said they would tell everyone how Christmas delivery actually works.We need to fix this, Herman. I want to get the yaks and your team in a room and not leave until this thing is settled.

Every Negotiation is a Different Animal.

Next week: WIll negotiations work to save the magic of Christmas?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

16

Christmas Toy Delivery – The Yaks’ Perspective

|

Pets and Packing – Firebird Farms

Zafir Yak was sitting in the employee lounge of Beasts of Burden (BOB) Local 687, a part of Yak Express. He was watching the news on the television when a story about Santa’s reindeer came on.

Reporter: Tell us about what’s going on in Santa’s Workshop this time of year.

Comet: It’s the busiest part of the year for us. Santa’s getting requests from children all around the world. He has to make sure that all of the good boys and girls get what they want.

Santa Claus using a laptop computer while sitting at desk on dark blue background | Premium AI-generated image

Reporter: Does he have a system to keep it all straight? That’s a lot of toys.

Dancer: Computers have really helped him keep things organized. He has up-to-the-minute access to which toys are most popular. Elves are working around the clock to make sure everyone gets what they asked for.

Reporter: What are the reindeer doing right now?

Dasher: We are doing training runs. We have to be perfect by Christmas Eve.

Reindeer Are Not a Christmas Photo Prop

Reporter: It is amazing that eight reindeer can carry all of those toys. How do you build up the stamina for that? After all, it’s the only day of the year you actually work. How do you make sure you’re at peak performance?

Comet: It’s the only day the humans see us. We’re working all year. The eight of us are professionals. We are in peak shape all of the time. Christmas Eve is the day of the hard work pays off. We deliver millions of toys on one night. And we have to make sure that they are all in the right pace. It’s a lot of work to be one of Santa’s reindeer. We are an elite unit.

A large furry yak is lying in the snow The yak has its mouth wide open and is laughing | Premium AI-generated image

Zafir’s friend Sandy starts laughing.

Sandy: Can you believe that goofball? Acting like they are the only ones ensuring that every child gets their toy.

Zafir: They already talked about Santa and the elves.

Sandy: But they haven’t said a word about the Yaks’.

Zafir: They may not have gotten to us yet.

Mitchell: They never get to us.

A group of yaks standing together | Premium AI-generated image

Sandy: He’s right. We’re supposed to be a secret. We’re part of the “magic.”

Benji: But that’s going to change this year. Pretty soon everyone will know who we are.

Zafir: What’s happening this year?

Benji: Beasts of Burden has a contract with the North Pole. It lists all of the jobs we are responsible for. It also says how much we get paid and what other benefits we get. Like vacation and sick time.

Sleeping Reindeer – The Cairngorm Reindeer Herd

Leopold: Someone got a hold of the reindeer contract. They get two months vacation and unlimited sick time each year. They also have private gyms and on-site cafeterias.

Benji: Our contract was up a couple of months ago. We’re working without a contract right now. But that isn’t going to last until Christmas.

Leopold: Our President, Max Yak, has sent a letter to the North Pole. He has told them that either they agree to some of our demands, or he will tell everyone just how involved Yaks’ are with Christmas.

UNESCO to present Tibetan Yak Dance as Chinese intangible cultural heritage - Tibetan Review

Zafir: You mean like how we’re the ones who take the toys to depots around the world where the reindeer can pick them up for local delivery?

Sandy: And the reason Santa is so fast is that he doesn’t actually carry the toys in his sleigh?

Benji: And a few more of Santa’s logistical shortcuts.

Zafir: But then it won’t seem so magical.

Benji: Even worse, if we don’t get a living wage, we’re gonna go on strike. Those reindeer can find out exactly how much work we do for them.

Yak - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Next week: Will the yaks strike?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

Hibernation Season: Five’s a Crowd – Part 2

|

Can you see a bear in the winter? – Kodiak Wildlife Products | Bear Spray | Bear Bangers | Wild Life Safety Kits | Bear Bells

Where we are: The bears are getting ready to take a long winter’s nap. But when Mama and Papa Bear return from a family reunion to their cozy den, they discover that their son has brought home a friend with nowhere to spend the winter. The relative he is supposed to stay with is nowhere to be found. You can read about it here.

Mama Bear and Papa Bear are trying to find somewhere for Bubba to hibernate.

Rare Moments with an Amazing Grizzly Bear Family

Mama Bear: Maybe we can find him a spot on the ads from The Weekly Bear Gazette.

Papa Bear: That’s a great idea! There’s a section for bears looking to connect with other bears. Let’s see what they have.

Mama Bear: Here’s one: Older male bear looking for someone to share sleeping space for this years hibernation. Prefer female bears who are looking to start a family. Must be willing to forage for food. Some cleaning responsibilities as well.

Evie: Eww! That’s creepy.

🔥 Alaskan Grizzly bear family : r/NatureIsFuckingLit

Mama Bear: It definitely is. Let’s see what else we can find: Looking for a young strong male bear. Must be willing to live with young cubs. We can build a den together for the winter.

Papa Bear: I don’t think we’re going to find anything in there. Those sound more like dating ads than roommate solicitations.

Mama Bear: Have you had any luck tracking down Cornelius? Bubba is supposed to be staying with him.

Pin page

Papa Bear: Not really. I guess I’m going to have to talk with Madame Goldie.

Evie: That’s a funny name. Who’s Madame Goldie?

Papa Bear: She says she can see things that no one else can.

Mama Bear: You don’t believe that, do you?

Papa Bear: Not really. But I don’t know who else to ask.

Bear Hibernation: The Science Behind Their Long Winter Sleep - Lions Tigers and Bears

Mama Bear: Maybe we should just let him stay here. We might be able to rearrange things to make it more comfortable.

Papa Bear: I think we should at least try to find his family.

Papa Bear went deeper into the woods. It looked like a lot of bears had already settled in for the winter. He finally found Madame Goldie. 

Madame Goldie: Hello, sir. What brings you into this part of the woods? Are you trying to find a place to stay for the winter. I can help you find a den?

Kodiak Grizzly/Brown Bear Cub | Another shot of Shaggy. She … | Flickr

Papa Bear: No, I’m set for the winter. I’m trying to help a young friend find his family. His name is Bubba and he’s looking for someone named Cornelius. It’s his cousin or uncle or something.

Madame Goldie: What does Cornelius look like?

Papa Bear: I’m really not sure. Bubba is brown and shaggy, so maybe someone like that?

Two Bears For Every Believer | Grace for the Race

Madame Goldie called out to her son.

Madame Goldie: Walter! Come out here please.

Walter: What do you need, Mummy?

Madame Goldie: This gentleman is looking for a bear named Cornelius. Apparently a relative is looking for him..Do you remember anybody with that name passing by?

Checking in with the sloth bear cubs

Walter: That doesn’t really sound familiar. Ruthie!

A smaller bear came out.

Ruthie: What do you need Walter?

Walter: Do you remember meeting a bear named Cornelius? This fellow is looking for him.

Ruthie: Hmm. That name does sound familiar. Let me look through the books.

Bear Wearing Glasses Reading Book | Stable Diffusion Online

Ruthie got out a large ledger while Papa Bear waited, somewhat confused.

Ruthie: Here he is. I thought I recognized the name.

Papa Bear: Can you tell me where I can find Cornelius? A family member is looking for him.

Ruthie: I don’t think that is possible. Cornelius was part of a group of bears who moved into the city and domesticated. We’ve totally lost touch with them.

Papa Bear: That’s very unfortunate. Thank you for your time.

Bear wanders into City Hall in South Lake Tahoe

Papa Bear headed home. It was snowing again, and he was very tired. He would have to talk to his family to see what they wanted to do with Bubba. When he got home, the den looked different but he couldn’t figure out why.

Cody: Hi, Papa! Any luck finding Cornelius?

Papa Bear: I’m afraid not. He has moved to the city and domesticated. There’s no way to reach him.

AMAZING video of Black Bear Emerging from Den

Mama Bear: That’s too bad, dear. Do you like what we’ve done with the den?

Papa Bear: What did you do?

Mama Bear: Cody and Bubba enlarged it with some old logs and a lot of dirt and leaves.

Cody: I was afraid that you wouldn’t be able to find another spot for Bubba, so we made some space at our house.

Bear family on a bog : r/bears

Papa Bear: You are all comfortable with Bubba staying here?

Mama Bear: It’s really the only option. We need to get to sleep very soon.

Evie: We can’t leave Bubba out to freeze.

Papa Bear: So it’s settled. Welcome, Bubba.

Bubba: Thank you. I think we’ll have a good winter.

Sleeping grizzly bear stock image. Image of nature, hair - 24477713

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

18

Hibernation Season: Five’s a Crowd

|

Brookfield Zoo Chicago on X: "Bear-y cute cuddle puddle alert! 🐻🐻 Tim and Jess are always together, exploring their habitat with endless curiosity and cuddles. The animal care team reports the siblings

Mama and Papa Bear were returning from a family reunion with their daughter Evie. Their son Cody had chosen to stay home and get the den ready for hibernation.

Mama Bear: I can’t wait to get home. All I want to do is sleep.

Papa Bear: Me too. I can’t believe how much salmon your mother brought.

Evie: And the clams were scrumptious. I’ve never had them before.

What Happened To Our Pumpkin? | Lake Lure North Carolina

Mama Bear: I think my favorite was the berry pie.

Evie: The honey ice cream was really good too.

Papa Bear: It was the perfect end to the season. Now it’s time for a long winter’s nap. I hope Cody did a good job gathering leaves and moss and bedding. He’s never done it before.

Evie: How hard can it be? Our den isn’t that big. There’s just enough space for the four of us.

Brown bear winter cave

Mama Bear: It’s the perfect size. And it’s in a great location. Right behind those rocks so no one can see us.

Papa Bear: We were really lucky to find it. I hear that some of the bears couldn’t find space locally and had to go further up the river.

As the bears walk along, they stop and wish some of their neighbors happy hibernation. They finally reach their den. Cody is outside eating a few late berries.

Cody: Hi, guys! Did you have a good time?

Animal Names - a group of bears is called a sleuth or a sloth. (Not sure if they can see the future though.) : r/PopcornCulture

Evie: It was wonderful! You really missed a feast. Everyone asked about you.

Cody: Maybe next year. But I’ve been busy, making the den extra cozy.

Mama Bear: Wonderful! Let me see.

Cody: Umm. There’s something that I need to tell you.

Mama Bear: We can talk inside. I’m ready for bed.

sleepy grizzly bear | Inhabitat - Green Design, Innovation, Architecture, Green Building

Cody: Well, that’s what I wanted to talk…

Evie had walked into the den.

Evie: Oh kettlefish! There’s a strange bear in here.

She ran back out and hid behind her mother.

Scared bear

Mama Bear: Why is there a strange bear in our den?

Cody: He’s not really a strange bear. That’s Bubba. He’s a friend of mine.

Papa Bear: Okay. Why is there a Bubba Bear in our den? It’s time for hibernation.

Cody: He’s a friend of mine from bear scouts. We were goofing around by the river. When it was time to come home, he told me that his family didn’t have any place of their own to winter. They were trying to split up and stay with relatives. I couldn’t just leave him there.

Papa Bear: Please ask him to come outside.

Very shaggy bear - Picture of Bear Country USA, Rapid City - Tripadvisor

A rather shaggy young bear comes out. He looks at the family.

Papa Bear: Who are you supposed to be staying with this winter?

Bubba: I have a cousin Cornelius who said he had room. But I haven’t been able to find him. They said that if I followed around the bend in the river, I couldn’t miss him.

Cody: We looked, and we couldn’t find him.

Brown Bear Family

Papa Bear: I don’t know of any bears around here named Cornelius. Where’s the rest of your family?

Bubba: My Grandma said she could find places for them if they went north. They plan on coming back down here in the spring.

Mama Bear: So they’re already gone? Without making sure you were safe?

Bubba: Yes ma’am. My daddy said that I was old enough to find Cornelius on my own.

31 Animals That Use Each Other As Pillows | Bored Panda

Cody: Do you think he could stay with us?

Evie: There’s not enough room.

Cody: We can’t just let him freeze.

Mama Bear and Papa Bear looked at each other, then at Bubba. As if it were planned, a light snow began to fall.

What Time of Year is Best to See Bears in Jackson Hole?

Next week: Where will Bubba spend the winter?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

Welcome to Tabocracy

|

Note from the Editors: The voters have spoken. Thomas Tabby was elected unanimously to be the Liaison to the Humans in Cheeeseland. Remy the Golden Retriever was gracious in defeat offering to help Thomas any way he could. Below is his first press conference.

Golden Retriever Dog And Tabby Cat Sleep Peacefully Generative AI | Premium AI-generated image

Thomas: Thank you everyone. I appreciate your confidence in me. I’m excited to get to work improving our relationship with the humans. Before I take any questions, I have a couple of staffing announcements to make. First, I have had a long conversation with Remy about concerns that I will be too cat-centric in my policies. I believe that his concerns have some merit. I have asked him to be part of our core team as we move through the process.

Are Golden Retrievers the cutest breed ...

Remy bounces onto the stage, obviously excited.

Remy: Thank you, Thomas. I am looking forward to giving an outside perspective to this very feline-leaning community. I’m not just here for the dogs. Anyone who feels they aren’t being heard is welcome to send me a message. You can find me on Chitter @reallyremy or email me at remy.retriever649@cheezland.com.

Thomas: Thank you Remy. I look forward to working with you. The other addition to my staff is someone you all know. I’ve asked Sgt Stripes to be my spokestabby. I’m still working full-time in addition to my unpaid liaison duties. Stripes will make sure you have someone to give you answers.

Sgt Stripes lands on the stage with a graceful leap.

Sgt Stripes: I am honored by Thomas’ trust in me. I will do my best to communicate effectively. I’m on Chitter @tabbylove or email sgt.stripes0909@cheezland.com. I am also happy to take your concerns to Thomas. He is a very busy kitty.

Thomas: Thank you both. I think we’ll have a great team. Does anyone have any questions?

Cat And Fish GIFs | Tenor

Reporter 1: As a cat, are you going to be focusing on “cat problems?”

Thomas: I’m not really sure what you mean by cat problems.I ran on a platform of improving all animal relations with humans. I am a cat, but I represent all of you.

Cats Bad at Nabbing Rats But Feast on Other Beasts | WIRED

Reporter 2: Does that mean you will address the “vermin issue,” meaning the reality that humans think that some animals should be eradicated?

Thomas: Regarding some of the “less popular” animals, I intend to talk to the humans about the ways that we can all peacefully coexist. At the very least, we need to find a way to share the space we have. It is never acceptable to try to eliminate whole groups of animals.

Hilarious Photos Of Cat Falling In Love With A Heater During Cold Weather Will Make Your Day | Bored Panda

Reporter 3: What will be the first issue you address after you take office on January 1?

Thomas: I want to have the humans help us drastically reduce the number of homeless animals. I’m not talking about the animals who enjoy living in nature. There are an alarming number of animals who have no real home. They at least need shelter in the cold weather.

Homemade Cat Treats

Reporter 3: That seems extremely ambitious. Shouldn’t you start with something a little more realistic?

Thomas: Well, my daughter thought we should ask the humans to put treat dispensers on every corner. Maybe we should try that.

reporter cat – The BleuPrint

Everyone laughed. Several reporters held up their hands with questions.

Sgt Stripes: I’m sorry. That’s all the time we have right now. If you would like to send us specific questions, we will do our best to give you answers.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

22

Cheeseland ManCat Roundtable

|

 

Greetings everyone! It’s me Sgt Stripes. You are all aware of the problems I’ve been having getting along with the lady cats in the house.I decided to get together with some of the male cats in Cheeseland to see if they had any advice. I invited several to the Curdled Cow Tavern for a bowl of cream.

Sgt Stripes: Hi guys! Thanks for coming. I’m trying to figure out the best way to get along with the ladies in my house.

Tigger Tiger: You better be careful. You know the ladies can be a little moody. You need to make sure that you’re not making a move on one of their “off” days.

Sgt Stripes: What kind of move would I be making?

Dexter: Here, watch me.

Understanding Feline Behaviour: Why Do Cats Hiss Explained

Dexter approaches a beautiful Manx sitting at the bar. Sgt Stripes can’t quite hear what he’s saying. The Manx turns to Dexter and hisses. Dexter slinks back to the table

Sgt Stripes: I appreciate the effort, but I already know how to get them to hiss at me. I want to be friends and snuggle buddies. Maybe share an electric blanket.

Tigger Tiger: As I was saying, you have to pick a day when the lady is in a good mood.

Sgt Stripes: Well, there are four of them. I would think that at least one of them would be in a good mood on any given day. How can I tell?

Bobby: Try to walk up casually and start a conversation. Don’t get too close. That really upsets lady cats.

Sgt Stripes: What do I talk about?

Bobby: Watch me.

trivia | Adventures in Cheeseland

Bobby approaches a small cat who is standing by herself. He asks her if she lives nearby, and she nods. He asks her if she’s been to the tavern before. She starts into a long explanation of how she was new in town and didn’t have any friends and told him how lovely his friends look. She talks nonstop for several minutes. Bobby looks at the table, hoping someone will rescue him.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t know about that. I’m not sure that any of my lady cats would be interested in that kind of conversation. Besides, I already know all that stuff about them. And your friend is beginning to look a little desperate.

Cat Hunting Behaviour - zooplus Magazine

Shawn goes over to order more cream for the table. As he’s waiting, he sees a large moth. He catches the moth in his mouth. Several cats congratulate him on his hunting prowess. Shawn offers his prize to a kitty at a nearby table. She takes it politely, but her boyfriend glares at Shawn who returns to the table with the cream.

Shawn: You see, Stripes? Ladies love gifts.

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think that would work for me. Snoops is a better hunter than I am. And I don’t think the rest of them really understand what to do with a fresh mouse. I don’t really have that killer instinct.

Gavin: You have four ladies in the house? Which one do you want to pair up with?

Sgt Stripes: I don’t really care. I just don’t like being hissed at.

Gavin: Well, who do you want to be the mother of your kittens?

Sgt Stripes (embarrassed): I don’t want to mate with them. I just want them to spend some time with me.

The other cats at the table look at each other and then at Sgt Stripes.

Tigger Tiger: Well this is embarrassing. We thought you wanted dating advice.

Sgt Stripes: Oh, no. I’m perfectly happy being single. Do you have any friendship advice?

Tigger Tiger: I don’t really know how to help you. You just need to be patient. They’ll probably come around eventually.

Sgt Stripes: So playing pounce with them probably won’t make it happen sooner?

Tigger Tiger: That is probably not a good idea.

Sgt Stripes: Rats. Thanks for meeting with me, everyone.

Guess I’ll go home and get some treats. The humans all like me.

Non-Sarge pictures courtesy of Google Images

21

Angel Katt: Tortie Extraordinaire

|

Hello everyone. It’s me, Angel. You might remember me from my political reporting. We’ll be having the final debate and voting in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, I wanted to let you know a little bit more about me.

As you can see from my pictures, I am a dilute tortoiseshell. I actually look a lot like my sister Gypsy, except she has some white thrown in. It’s interesting that the two of us ended up together. Cat used to get us confused before we moved in.

I think I got kind of a bad reputation after we moved in. Gypsy and I were in the same room for the first few months. Gypsy got really skinny, and everyone said it was because I was eating her food. I did eat more than her, but she was really neurotic and would get too stressed out to eat. No one believed me until it happened again when they opened up the whole house to us cats.

And Sgt Stripes has telling everyone that Snoops and I are mean to him, hissing all the time. We do hiss at him, but sometimes he deserves it. He’s younger than the rest of us and a lot more energetic.The other day, he started chasing me, so Snoops chased him. I don’t think he understands that we think he’s attacking.

Anyway, enough about me. I thought that you might be interested in learning more about us torties. First thing is that regular tortoiseshell cats are black and orange. When the color gene mutates, it turns the orange more yellowish and the black more bluish. The humans here say that I am grey and tan. Whatever. I’m beautiful.

Dilute tortoiseshell cats are almost always female. The color is carried on the X (female) chromosome. To get the two colors, the cat needs to have the tortie color combination on both chromosomes. And a cat with XX chromosomes is a female. A male tortie has the two X chromosomes in addition to a Y chromosome. A male tortie is unable to reproduce and may have other health issues.

Being a tortie means having a certain coat coloration. It is not related to the breed of cat or coat length. Some of the most common breeds which can have dilute tortoiseshell coloring are the American Shorthair, Cornish Rex, and Maine Coon. On hairless cats like the Sphynx, the coloration is on the skin.

Dilute torties can demonstrate the same fortitude as their full-color relatives. Some humans think that torties have a bad attitude. Since torties are mainly female, it may be due to female hormones. Sometimes we’re even called aggressive. Personally, I think it’s just because humans need to accept our obvious superiority and it’s annoying when they don’t.

Tortoiseshell cats are not calico cats. I would think this one is obvious. Calicos have three colors, and we have two colors. Not really sure why the humans are confused about this. We are all gorgeous.

We have a reputation for being lucky. In Ireland and Scotland, it is good luck to have a male tortoiseshell cat enter your house. In Japan, it is believed that we can ward off storms, shipwrecks, and ghosts. (What do you think we’re doing when we stare intently at nothing?)  Some people call us “money cats” because we bring good luck and wealth. If you dream about us, you will be lucky in love.

I hope you have enjoyed reading about tortoiseshell cats. I will be back shortly with the election news.