Tag Archives: zebras

13

Critter Cove HS Graduation Day

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These animals really wish they were graduating | HelloGiggles

*Based on (semi) true events

Suzy was really nervous. She was on her way to graduation with her boyfriend Pete and his parents. Did his mom always talk this much?

Pete’s Mom: So Pete. Are you going to be sitting with all of your friends tonight?

Pete: Everyone except Jim. He has a pretty girlfriend to sit with.

Pete’s Dad: Your girlfriend is pretty too.

Clyde Willis (clydewillis1pi) | Cute cats, Cute animals, Cats

Awkward. Suzy and Pete weren’t sitting together at the ceremony. They hadn’t been going out for very long and hadn’t even discussed sitting together. But now Suzy was annoyed that Pete hadn’t asked her. The conversation kind of sat there.

Finally, they arrived at the auditorium. Suzy found her best friend Liza and they started talking about how excited they were. Everyone was supposed to get there at least an hour before the ceremony so there were a lot of animals roaming around.

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Liza: Did you hear what happened with Benji? He’s such a loser!

Suzy: What?

Liza: He and some friends ate some kind of herbal stuff that made him really agitated. He kicked out the glass in one of the doors on the first floor.

Suzy: Is he OK?

Liza (giggling): He’s fine. But they made him leave. He’s going to get his diploma in the mail. His parents are SO mad.

Collective Nouns for Groups of Animals | Mental Floss

Suzy wasn’t really sure which one of the stoners was Benji. That was pretty stupid. But at least he wouldn’t have to stand around forever. They weren’t really getting their diplomas until later either. They would be getting the holders when they walked across the stage.

Finally it was time to take their seats. It was kind of weird the way the school had set it up. The kids were allowed to sit with their friends, but when it was time to cross the stage they were supposed to get in alphabetical order. It was probably just as well there wouldn’t actually be anything personalized. Suzy was glad her name was in the middle of the alphabet.

This Two-Minute Video Of A Cat Just Sitting In A Chair Is Perfect In Every Way

Liza: Can you believe we finally made it?

Suzy: I know. I can’t believe we won’t be seeing these people ever again.

She started reading the program.

Class colors: Crimson and pink

Not too sure about those. They looked awful with the school colors of blue and gold when she had hung them on her hat.

Class song: Don’t You Forget About Me

Who had chosen that? It was, like, 30 years old. Not the choice of anyone she knew.

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Class flower: Rose

Not the favorite either. They had chosen an onion blossom. It was a really pretty flower and different from what other schools had. Administration said it wasn’t a real flower. The rose came in second. Lame.

Liza: Look! Pete’s waving at you!

Cat sneaking a peek! | Cats, Cute cats, Crazy cats

Suzy turned around and waved. She noticed that the student section was almost full. What would happen if someone came in now? Would they really make them sit with their parents in the audience? 

Then she noticed her friends Carrie and Vicky sneaking in. They sat just behind her. Looked like it wouldn’t be a problem.

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Commencement Exercises for the 2021 graduating class of Critter Cove High School.

To be continued.

May 22, 2020: Week 10, Volume 5 - Mendon-Upton Music

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

 

18

At the Watering Hole

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Image result for savannah watering hole

Mid-morning at a watering hole somewhere on the African savannah.

Zebra 1: Beautiful morning isn’t it?

Zebra 2: Did you hear that Ryan finally got up the nerve to ask Tammy to mate?

Image result for zebra

Zebra 1: No! They’re so cute together. I bet they have beautiful colts.

Zebra 3: Hmmmph! She is such a flirt! She led my Tony on that she would mate with him.

The first two zebras look at each other.

Zebra 2: Well, I’m sure Tony will find a nice girl too.

Zebra 3: You bet he will. Then she’ll be sorry.

Further along.

Image result for warthog

Warthog 1: This is a nice place. How did you find it?

Warthog 2: I was talking to a guy who told me how to get here. Said there was a lot of good water and a fairly low predator to prey ratio.

Warthog 1: You should have brought him along.

Warthog 2: Unfortunately, he got eaten not too long after we met.

Silence.Image result for gazelle

Gazelle 1: Did you hear the hyenas last night?

Gazelle 2: It sounded like there were a lot of them.

Gazelle 1: I know. It was very strange. The last time I saw the pack there were only 3 or 4 of them.

Image result for hyena

Gazelle 3: I heard a rumor that they have some kind of machine that can make it sound like there are lots of them even when there aren’t. I think it’s called a fone or something like that.

Gazelle 1: Should have known. Those guys are always trying to figure out some kind of scam.

The watering hole goes silent as the group of lionesses approach. Slowly the animals start to back away.

Image result for lioness

Lioness 1: Take your time. We’re here to relax, not hunt.

The other animals quickly move away.

Lioness 2: They never trust us.

Lioness 3: Well, we do eat them.

Lioness 2: That’s no excuse for bad manners.

Lioness 1: Did you hear what Leonidis said just before we left?

Lioness 3: I wasn’t listening.Image result for ostrich

Lioness 1: He’s bored with eating zebras and gazelles. He wants something exotic for dinner.

Lioness 2: Did he mention what this exotic dinner was supposed to be?

Lioness 1: He wants an ostrich.

Lioness 3: There aren’t any ostriches around here.

Lioness 1: The new girl told him she had eaten a couple and they’re delicious.

Lioness 2: Then let the new girl get one for him.

Image result for lioness

Lioness 1: He wants her to teach the new cubs how to pounce.

Lioness 2 (sarcastically): Well, isn’t she special.

Lioness 3: I wish Leonidis hadn’t heard that human refer to him as “King of the Jungle”.

Lioness 2: I know. It went straight to his head.

Lioness 1: Humans are so much trouble. We don’t even live in a jungle.

They hear a roar in the distance.

Lioness 1: Time to get to work.

Image result for savanna animals

all pictures courtesy of Google Images

8

Inter-Species Peace: An Elephant’s Perspective

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Image result for african animals

 

You may recall that at last year’s staff meeting, I said that I was following a group of sub-Saharan animals who were trying to model a peace plan. A year later, it doesn’t seem that they have made much progress.

Things got off to a rocky start. A lioness offered to host the first session. She served zebra pate as one of the appetizers. Zebra pate is highly prized by the lions. Not so much by the zebras and other herbivores. The session ended before it began. The hyenas scarfed the pate before they left.

Image result for hyena

The lions sent off an apology of sorts: “We are sorry if the vegetarians on our task force were offended by our food. We did not understand that they would be offended if we ate our foods in our homes. We thought it would be sufficient to not eat our guests.”

Image result for lions

A little terrified by these comments, the herbivores refused to meet with the carnivores. Finally a chimpanzee came up with a compromise. First, there would be no food served and no talk of killing. Second, the herbivores would be taken to and from the meetings in a vehicle provided by the humans (with no humans present). Third, the lions would send a male representative since they were the less predatory gender. Fourth, no animal would be allowed to attend meetings without signing the agreement.

Image result for chimpanzee

After some discussion, the animals agreed to sign. The chimpanzee thought that the group was on its way to showing the humans how to cooperate. Particularly when they discovered that the male lion was content to sleep in the sun through most of the meetings.

So they moved onto water rights.

Hippo: I don’t think it’s right that the elephants get to drink so much water.

Elephant: At least we don’t lie in it all day and release “organic matter” into it.

Wildebeest: The water does taste like hippo sometimes.

Hippo: How do you know? Have you ever eaten a hippo?

Leopard: Not to create another crisis, but it does taste of hippo.

Image result for hippos in water

Hippo (offended): Fine. At least, I don’t wallow in mud like the warthog over there.

Warthog: What does that have to do with anything? You’re just being a bully.

Chimp: OK everyone, let’s get back on topic. How do we share the water?

Antelope: How about if the meat-eaters would let us get a drink in peace?

Cheetah: You’ve obviously never had to fight for food. We have to take it when we can find it.

Image result for cheetah

Gnu: I knew this wasn’t going to work. It’s always back to food for the predators.

Cheetah: It’s not our fault that we have to eat meat to survive.

Hyena: Or that some of you are so tasty.

(Everyone glares at him. He slinks away.)

Elephant: See? That’s what I mean.

Image result for lion yawning

Lion (yawning): Will you all just be quiet? I just ate two gazelles and you’re ruining my digestion.

 

  “Ace” Sopp reporting from Nairobi

(pictures courtesy of Google Images)