Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

23

Onyx: A Love Story Gone Wrong

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Hello! 

It’s everyone’s favorite black cat, Onyx. And I have awful news! If you didn’t know, my human moved herself, both mini humans, and Angel, Gypsy, and myself in with her mom (AKA my editor) and her brother (AKA my purrsonal chef). And while we sadly were split from Thunder, we got to make friends with all of the northern kitties! One of whom is Sgt Stripes (although my human calls him Big Kitty). When we moved in, I was scared because the big human my person lived with was loud and mean. So when I met Sgt Stripes, I was not very nice (he wanted to play “Pounce”. As in, all 14 pounds of him pounced on all 6 pounds of me. I thought he was hunting me. I was terrified). So I hissed and hid under the bed from him (turns out, he can fit under the bed). And then the mini blonde human started feeding him MY treats. And MY kibble. It was awful! But still, he decided I was his uptown cat. And he was in love with me. 

So here I am, getting all of this attention, some snuggles, love, and it’s great! (Or, at least, when Stripes wasn’t stealing my food, it was great.) And I’m thinking I could get used to this, I’m not ready to get married or share my sunspot, but yeah, Sgt Stripes is cool and I’ll keep him around. When out of nowhere, Gypsy moves upstairs (where Sarge and I were coexisting). Now, Gypsy and I have a history. She forced me into a corner and was terrorizing me when she moved in with us. So I’m not her biggest fan. But apparently, Angel was eating all of her food downstairs, so she had to come upstairs to rehabilitate, as she looked starved. I was not happy. But Gypsy mostly stayed in my editor’s room, so I figured I could make it work. I could stay in my human’s room or the bathroom and ignore Gypsy. 

Apparently before all of the uptown cats moved in, Sgt Stripes reigned supreme over the whole upstairs, including our editor’s room. So Gypsy (at about 3 pounds) forced him out. But then he kept hearing from the humans that “he could sit on her and crush her” and “he shouldn’t let her force him out of his spot”. So Sgt Stripes gradually started sitting with Gypsy. First in the room, then on the bed with her. And before long, he was courting her! 

To Sgt Stripe’s credit, at first he tried to stay with me while remaining cordial with Gypsy. But with me, it’s either all or nothing. So then he tried to be friends. But I don’t do friends. I tried that with Thunder, and she moved away. My human says I have antisocial purrsonality disorder, but I disagree. I just know my worth. So then, Sarge started totally ignoring me for Gypsy! I couldn’t believe it! I’m the prettier, smarter, better of the two. But I guess we all have to make our own mistakes. 

And to top this off, he dumped me right before Valentine’s Day, and he’s still eating my treats and kibble! Everyone knows that my favorite treats are the Temptations creamy dairy or the beef. So instead of eating his favorite, backyard BBQ or lobster, Sarge steals my one joy in life. He also tries to steal my human on her work from home days! Even when she gets up in the morning, he runs right up to her, wanting jaw and tummy rubs. And Gypsy keeps trying to demand food from my human! They have no respect what-so-ever. And it’s not like they would starve for either food or attention. My editor and chef can take care of them, probably better than my human can! 

So now I’m left broken hearted, with no friends and no cats to hang out with, all because Gypsy had to come upstairs and ruin everything. It’s hard to blame Sgt Stripes; he’s a big, adorable, loveable goofball. And while he is responsible for his own actions, I’m sure he was taken back by my beauty (and the tastiness of my treats! It’ll take a while for me to forgive him for that one). 

Now, my human had said that this was my fault, but we all know that’s not true. I was so betrayed. My boyfriend left me for my arch-rival! All because I hissed and hid from him (but let’s be real, he was terrifying when he played Pounce. I feared for my life)! Everyone says he’s the sweetest cat ever and would never hurt a fly, but if he’s capable of stealing my kibble, who knows what else he was capable of! 

And that concludes my horrible, awful, truly terrible love tale. Take it from me, relationships are just not worth it. Instead of a companion, get yourself some creamy dairy treats, a fluffy blanket, and a jingly ball to bat around. You can’t go wrong with that! To Gypsy and Sgt Stripes, I hope you’re both happy, but that I get the best sunspots. And to all of my readers, have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, and don’t forget to adore all black cats you come across!

We want to thank everyone for the beautiful words and thoughts you’ve been sending us regarding Kommando Kitty. And especially Ingrid Rickmar for the beautiful badge at the upper right and Ms. Ellen for the wonderful card.

23

Tyrone Tabby and the Valentine’s Day Dance

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Valentine's Day Gifts for Cats - The Catington Post

Tyrone stared at Erin across the lunchroom. He thought that she was the prettiest kitty he had ever seen. She had recently moved into the neighborhood and had started school a couple of weeks ago. She was in his Feline History class, but he hadn’t gotten up the nerve to talk to her.

He was eating with his friends Clyde and Donny. They were talking about the movie they had watched last night, “SpaceCat Rex: Defender of the Galaxy.”

Can Cats See TV? │ Hill's Pet

Clyde: That movie was lame. Those lasers never would have worked like that.

Donny: I agree. The trajectory was all wrong. But the story was excellent.

Clyde: The first SpaceCat Rex movie was the best. What is this, the third? Or the fourth?

Donny: It depends on whether you count that one with the lynx.

Clyde: You can’t count that one. It was outside the canon.

Donny: What do you think, Tyrone?

  Why Do Cats Stare? - Catster

But Tyrone wasn’t paying any attention. He was too busy watching Erin. She was so graceful.

Donny: Tyrone! Are you paying any attention?

Tyrone: Isn’t she pretty? I think I want to ask her to the Valentine’s dance.

Clyde: Who?

Donny: He’s all goofy over that new girl, Erin. She doesn’t even know he’s alive.

Clyde: Forget her. Girls like that don’t go out with cats like us.

Tyrone: What do you mean?

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Clyde: Girls like the smooth-talking Toms, not us.

Tyrone: I can be smooth-talking.

Donny: Tyrone, she’ll break your heart. Leave her alone.

Tyrone: It won’t hurt to say hi. I’m going to go talk to her.

Donny: You’ve never talked to a girl cat before. Maybe you should practice first.

Tyrone: How hard can it be?

Pin on animals

Tyrone watched Erin for a few minutes while he was gathering his nerve. He was a very shy cat and didn’t have any idea what he was going to say. Finally, he decided that he would pounce on her table and try to act sophisticated. He would impress her with his grace.

He walked to the other side of the room and waited for his opportunity. She was talking to a couple of other girls. Finally, the other girls left, and he saw his chance. He measured the distance in his head. Then he stretched and leapt.

Right over her table to the table behind her. He landed on a piece of paper and slid down the table. Just before he got to the end of the table, the paper stopped moving. Erin and a few other cats were watching him, confused.

Is your cat laughing at you? | BBC Earth

Tyrone jumped down and ran back to his friends. He tried to look nonchalant. They were trying not to laugh.

Clyde: Dude, what was that?

Donny: I think you got her attention.

Tyrone: Shut up. I want to disappear.

He looked around. No one was paying any attention to him. Erin was talking to some different cats. Then the bell rang, and they had to go back to class. He didn’t see Erin for the rest of the day.

After school, he was walking home with his friends. They were still laughing about his jump.

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Donny: That was amazing! I’m sure she was was impressed.

Clyde: At least you didn’t land on her. That would have been terrible.

Tyrone: Maybe she didn’t know it was me. Maybe I can still act cool around her tomorrow.

Donny: I think everyone knew it was you. Maybe you can move to Siberia.

Tyrone: This is awful. Now she’ll never talk to me. How far away is Siberia?

Clyde: It was a joke. No one will remember in a few days.

Tyrone: I will. This is horrible.

Tyrone went to his room when he got home. His phone buzzed.

Phone: Hi Tyrone, it’s Erin from school. Pawsome jump today at lunch! Meet me in the gym before school tomorrow. We can talk.

Tyrone stared at his phone. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He shut the phone down and turned it back on. The message was still there. It was still there in the morning.

He took extra time grooming in the morning, making sure every fur was in place. He told the guys he was going in early to get some extra time in the lab. He stood in the corner of the gym, waiting patiently.

Next week: Is Erin the girl of Tyrone’s dreams?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

17

The RHCCC: Valentine’s Dance

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Valentine's Day 2022 pet spending: You won't believe what we'll shell out for our dogs and cats | Fox Business

It’s been a while since we checked in with the ladies who make up the Real House Cats of Crabapple Cove (RHCCC). They are all looking forward to the big Valentine’s Day party thrown annually by the Loyal Order of the Saber Tooth Tiger. Everyone except Bella, that is.

Bella: I think I’m going to skip the party this year. I’m not really in the mood.

Fluffy: You have to go! We already paid for the table.

 Miki: Yeah. We always go together. It’s a tradition.

Bella: I know. But I don;t have a date. I don;t want to be the only single kitty at the Valentine’s party. It’s too depressing.

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Daphne: What happened to that guy you were seeing? Jack?

Bella: I had to dump him. Turns out he had two other girlfriends. And one has kittens.

Fluffy: The two-timing rat! I knew he was no good! The ones that seem to good to be true are always trouble. I’m sorry, sweetie.

Bella: It’s OK. But I don’t feel much like partying.

Miki: Do you want Ralph to get one of his friends to join us? He knows some nice guys.

Bella: Thanks. But I don’t think so.

Fluffy: I’m on the organizing committee, so I’ll be pretty busy. If I don’t bring a date, will you come?

Bella (hesitating): I guess.

How to Throw a Birthday Party for Your Cat - Catster

Miki (clapping her paws): Pawsome! We’ll have a great time!

Bella arrived at the party early and helped Fluffy get things set up. Before long, Miki and Daphne showed up with their husbands. Daphne’s husband Sam was grumbling.

Sam: I don’t understand why they call this a party. It’s a dinner. They only call it a party so they can charge more.They don’t even have an open catnip bar.

Miki: I told you. The Saber Tooth TIgers only have one fundraiser every year, and they don’t want a bunch of stoned cats getting into fights.

Daphne (laughing): Ignore him. He’s just grumpy because the kids were teasing him about his fur.

Hair kitty kitty kitty - meet the world's fluffiest cat - Daily Star

Ralph: You are looking extra fluffy tonight.

Sam: Yeah. Daphne talked me into going to the groomer today. She went wild on the blow-out.

Daphne: Well, I think you look adorable. And isn’t that what matters?

Sam: I guess. I’ll just avoid the mirrors.

Fluffy came up with a tray of niptinis.

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Fluffy: Enjoy, everyone! Gunther makes the best niptinis in town.

The others began lapping up the drinks and talking. Before long, it was time for dinner. The food was wonderful – a seafood buffet with various greens. After the food, there was dancing.

Fluffy was mingling. She was a very social cat and loved big parties. She knew everyone and was having a great time.

Daphne and Sam got up to dance as soon as the music started. Miki didn’t want to leave Bella at the table by herself, so she and Ralph stayed around to talk. But the loud music made it difficult to hold a conversation. 

Does Your Cat Beg at the Dinner Table? - The Conscious Cat

Bella: You guys go ahead and dance. I can’t even hear myself think in here. I’ll go see if I can help with something.

Miki and Ralph left the table. Bella looked around. She didn’t really know anyone working. She had just followed Fluffy around earlier.

Finally, Bella decided that she wanted some tuna juice. She went up to the bar and said hello to Gunther. Things were fairly quiet at the bar.

Gunther: What would you like, pretty kitty?

Bella: Tuna juice, please.

Gunther: Anything for your date?

Bella looked around, confused.

Bella: I don’t have a date.

How Do Cats Communicate with Each Other?

Gunther: Good. I was just making sure before I asked if I could join you for a drink. I’m going on break, and I’d like to spend it with you. I’ve been watching you ever since Fluffy introduced us.

Bella was flattered, but nervous. She was a quiet, shy cat and not used to this type of attention.

Bella: I guess so.

They sat near the bar and sipped tuna juice. 

Bella: Crabapple Cove is a small place. I don’t remember seeing you around. Are you visiting someone?

cat-typing | odd letters

Gunther: Actually, I moved up her to write the Great American Cat novel. I made a bunch of money in New York, and then relocated.

Bella: Really? I work at the library, and I love reading. That’s wonderful! Very impressive.

Gunther (laughing): Not yet. All I have so far is the idea and the outline.

Bella: I’m still impressed. I never met a novelist before. Why are you here tonight?

Gunther: I ran into your friend Fluffy at the meat market. She told me about the party and convinced me to come help. She’s very persuasive.

Bella (laughing): She usually gets what she wants.

Gunther: I’m glad I came. I don’t know many folks, and it’s been great meeting everyone. And I got to meet you.

Bella blushed under her fur.

Cat Cafés, Library Cats and Museum Cats – Oh My! – Columbus EMP

Bella: Well, I’m sure I’m the least interesting cat here.

Gunther: I don’t believe that. Tell me about yourself.

Bella talked about the library and her daycare. They had just started talking about books when Gunther was called back to the bar.

Gunther: That was fun. I’d like to talk some more. Can I take you home after the party?

Bella: I’d like that.

Bella went back to her table and watched the dancing. When the party finally ended, Gunther escorted Bella home. And he was a purr-fect gentleman.

cats-cuddling-big - Pet Haven of Minnesota

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

21

Cat Forum: Valentine’s Day

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Image result for valentine cat

Snoops and Kommando here. Thank you for joining us for another edition of Cat Forum. As you may know, Friday is Valentine’s Day. Yep. Another day for humans to give presents to each other. As cats, we welcome presents any time. This year we’re giving the humans some ideas about special ways they can spend time with us.

Image result for cat cafe meme

Kommando: I’m going to ask Mom to take us to a cat café.

Snoops: Why do you want that?

Kommando: I want to order a salmon steak.

Snoops: That’s not what a cat café is. They have people come in and look at cats, possibly to adopt them.

Kommando: That’s dumb. French cafes are for French people. Italian cafes are for Italian people. Why can’t cat cafes serve food to cats?

Image result for cat cafe meme

Snoops: I don’t know. People are strange.

Kommando: That’s for sure. How about if she rents that “Cats” movie? It’s full of cats, right?

Snoops: Sort of. It’s a bunch of people dressed up like cats. And they sing.

Kommando: Do they really look like cats?

Image result for cat singing meme

Snoops: I don’t think so. They use human faces.

Kommando: That’s really creepy. What do you think we should do with Mom?

Snoops: I found this site called Elite Daily that has some ideas:

Image result for cat watching tv

Game Night – The human is supposed to spend the whole night playing with us. She’s even supposed to buy each of us a new toy.

Watch TV – We’re supposed to cuddle up with Mom and watch that big black screen in the corner of the living room. The people at Daily Elite recommend something called Planet Earth on Netflix. It seems like any show with a lot of animals in it might work.

Cat Treat Baking Party – The human is supposed to make fancy treats for us and then feed them to us. They recommend the human find recipes on YouTube under “Cat Treat Recipes.

Image result for cat fort meme

Build a Cat Fort – The human is supposed to get boxes from work or packages that come to the house. Then the night before Valentine’s Day, they secretly build a fort to surprise us with on Valentine’s Day.

Cook a Special Dinner for Two – The human makes a dinner that we like. Then we sit down at a special table and eat it.

Dance Around to Our Favorite Songs – She finds recordings of our favorite songs and then we dance together.

Image result for cat dancing meme

Kommando: I don’t know. A couple of them sound a little weird.

Snoops: You’re right. I’m not sure any of them would work for us. I can’t see game night really working out. You hog all the toys.

Kommando: I can’t help it if I’m better at it.

Snoops: Whatever. Mom never has the TV on. I’m not sure she knows how to use it.

Image result for cat helping meme

Kommando: We could get our fur-less brother to set it up. Dad used to use it.

Snoops: If that’s what they want us to watch, forget it.

Kommando: I think our shows wouldn’t have so many people in them.

Snoops: I don’t see the point in the cat treat baking party or building a fort. They both sound pawsome, but I don’t see where we get to spend time with Mom.

Image result for cat eating meme

Kommando: I agree. The dinner for two sounds good. But I want to be with Mom, not at a special dinner.

Snoops: I’m not sure how it’s different from when Mom shares her dinner with us.

Kommando: True. I hate the idea of a dance party. I don’t want Mom dancing around with me in her arms. And I don’t have favorite songs; I don’t like music.

Snoops: So what should we do with Mom on Valentine’s Day?

Kommando: I like the idea of an extra-long nap with her on the bed warmer.

Snoops: Great idea!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

13

Cat Forum: Valentine’s Day

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Kommando: Hey Snoops, look. It’s an advertisement for Valentine’s Day.

Snoops: I didn’t know Valentine had his own day.

Kommando: I think they just stole his name. This is all about buying jewelry and stuff. It says you should do it to show her how much you care.

Snoops: I wonder who she is, and why she needs so much stuff. Let’s see if we can find it on the Internet.

Image result for cats and the internet

Kommando: Ooh. Good idea. They know everything there.

Snoops: Hmm. It says it’s the feast of St. Valentine. The celebration of love and affection.

Kommando: And getting stuff. It’s another human holiday for getting stuff.

Snoops: It’s supposed to be romantic. A lot of people use it as a day to propose.

Kommando: Well, it can’t be too important, we didn’t know about it.

Image result for cats and valentines day

Snoops: That’s because it’s for humans.

Kommando: They love us. Why don’t we get gifts?

Snoops: We don’t like chocolate or jewelry.

Kommando: They could give us salmon.

Image result for cats with fish

Snoops: Humans don’t think salmon is romantic.

Kommando: It’s not for them, it’s for us.

Snoops: Wait a minute. This Internet thing says there are Valentine’s gifts for cats.

Kommando: Does it show a salmon?

Snoops: Forget about the salmon. Humans don’t think dead fish are romantic.

Kommando: Humans are weird. So what do they think we’d like?

Snoops: Actually, this first thing is kinda nice.

Kommando: Ooh. A fake sheep bed! I like fake sheep. It’s really warm.

Snoops: Yeah. That says “love” to me.

Kommando: Anything else good?

Snoops: Well, there’s a collar. But it has a bell on it. It would be worthless when I’m mousing.

Kommando: OK. We’ll put that in the “no” column.

Snoops: I like this next one:

Kommando: Purr-fect! A castle. Mom calls us princesses. She might get us that.

Snoops: Maybe. I think it’d really add to the decor around here.

Kommando: Is there anything there that says, “I love you” in human?

Snoops: Well, this bowl looks like something they might think is romantic:

Kommando: That’d be pawsome! Hearts for the human, food for us! I think we need to talk to Mom about this Valentine’s Day thing.

Snoops: Definitely. Anything that reminds her to feed us is good.

Kommando: Yeah. A food dish and some salmon. The perfect Valentine’s Day.

 

Image result for cats and valentines day

Gift ideas courtesy of https://www.catster.com/lifestyle/valentines-day-10-gifts-for-cats-gift-guide

Photos courtesy of Google Images

 

 

6

Rhetoric and Questions

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I was going to title this post “Rhetorical Questions.” But then I realized that I might not actually know what that phrase meant. And I certainly wouldn’t want to embarrass myself with that type of silly error, would I? (Correct usage of a rhetorical question.) So I went to my source of all things correct, Wikipedia (sarcasm, not rhetoric). And here is what I found.

Rhetoric is the art of persuasive discourse. That means talking to inform, persuade, or motivate an audience.

Rhetorical questions are asked to encourage the listener to consider a message or viewpoint, not to get an answer. So if someone asks you, “Are all dogs this dumb?”, you may want to consider the possibility that the person doesn’t like dogs and is looking for support of that position.

Ever get the uncomfortable feeling that you are learning something from my posts? (Correct usage of a rhetorical question)

The following questions are rhetorical, and I do not expect an answer. You may answer quietly to yourselves if you so desire. (more sarcasm)

Why would the store put a picture of a live lobster in the middle of a picture of Valentine’s Day gifts? Among the candy, flowers, and cute stuffed animals was a live lobster. “Happy Valentine’s Day! I brought you a live lobster! If you don’t want him as a pet, you can cook him for dinner.”

Why did the heater on my car die during the coldest winter in recent memory?

I started wearing my mother’s jacket instead of my own because there would be room for a hoodie under it. So why do I never remember the hoodie until I’m freezing in the car?

Why is the iciest patch of the road right at the end of my driveway?

Why was management so much more supportive of my being sick when I returned healthy than when I called in sick?

Admittedly I’ve been looking a little shaggy, but did no one in my family actually notice that I had 3 inches of hair cut off?

Why are the people who complain the most at work usually the same ones who don’t want to listen when something bugs you? (Actually, that happens in real life too)

Why are people surprised when they tell a coworker a “secret” and then hear it from someone else later? Haven’t they noticed how much gossip they hear about their coworkers?

Why was I so surprised that the new management trainee in the deli didn’t know how to use a string mop? A very nice middle-aged male customer tried to explain it to her, but was unsuccessful. Isn’t there something about a place that serves freshly roasted chickens, soup, salads, and sliced meat that screams “at some point, you’re going to need to clean something up?” How naïve am I that I was surprised she didn’t stick around to watch me actually use the mop? (3 questions-for-1 situation – bonus)

How did we get to the point that we’re shocked when a stranger does something nice? A customer I had never seen before stopped and gave me a Valentine. I put it where I could see it and thought about him several times during the day.

When did my standards for weather get so low that 17 degrees and sunny qualifies as a nice day?

Why does the template for these posts say the heading is optional? Everywhere else they tell us how important a good title is for drawing people in.

Why can I never find a decent close for this type of post?

4

Honey, You Really Shouldn’t Have

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For years my husband tried to convince me that Valentine’s Day was one of those Hallmark holidays that were created to sell candy and flowers. Actually, Chaucer was the first one to associate St. Valentine’s day (yes, there really is a saint behind it) with romantic love in the 14th century. Eighteenth Century England was the first place to give hearts, candy and cards. However, it seems to have taken on a life of it’s own since the mid-twentieth century.

For some reason, men seem to stress out about Valentine’s Day. Apparently there have been enough men over the years who have forgotten the day entirely or missed the  significance of it that we females have been forced to drill its importance into your heads. I mean, seriously, you have phones and computers that coordinate work, personal, and social schedules; you can operate your home security system from the office; you can pay all of your bills automatically. I find it hard to believe that you don’t understand the software that allows you to put important dates into your calendar program and give you a week’s warning.

Yes, you answer, but then we don’t know what to buy. So we put it off. Lucky for you, Valentine’s Day is not like Christmas. The stores don’t close early and they aren’t all jammed at the end of the day. There aren’t any “hot” toys to stand in line for.

One of the best gifts my husband gave me was the handmade card that he decorated with pictures of animals I liked and sweet sayings. I think I speak for most women when I say that what you buy isn’t as important as whether or not you have thought enough about it to buy something you know she will like.

For example, when I was in college a boyfriend sent a singing valentine to where I worked. I was 20 or 21, got embarrassed, but still thought it was sweet. If my husband did that this year, I’d want to kill him. It is not a good gift for an introvert or someone who works in a stuffy office.

If your love hates crowds, don’t plan to take her to the most popular spot in town. It will be a zoo, and she probably won’t enjoy herself as much as she would at a quieter spot. On the other hand, it might be the perfect gift for a more outgoing date. It also depends on whether you actually want to talk to her while you’re eating.

If she has been working really, really hard since the beginning of the year to lose weight or practice healthier eating, this is not the year for the pound of really expensive chocolates. More likely than not, she will wonder whether you’ve been paying any attention at all to the work she’s been doing. “I thought you deserved a treat” might work for dessert, but not for a box of candy that’s constantly calling her name. (My mother used to tell my dad to hide any candy he brought in the house while she was dieting – then complain that he wasn’t sharing.)

If you want to share a nice bottle of wine, make sure you know what type she likes. Dry red wines are very sophisticated, but they also are an acquired taste for a lot of people. Champagne gives some people a headache. Or your partner might be like the young woman I was helping at the store. She asked me to help her select a wine. I asked her what she was looking for, and she said she wanted something that tasted good and would make her drunk. She ended up with a passion-fruit blend of some sort.

Flowers are nice. Unless she’s allergic. Or prefers live plants. Jewelry works. Unless she doesn’t really wear it. Perfume is a good gift. If you know what she wears.

One final bit of advice. The gift is for her, not for you. Unless she has specifically asked for it at some point, do not buy something see-through with feathers or lace. Corsets, garters, and teddies all fall into this same classification. If she wants to look sexy for you, I’m sure she is capable of it by herself. And the odds are she has better taste and knows what looks good on her.

Happy hunting. And if you do put it off until Friday – do not send your assistant to pick out a gift.

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