23

A Gator Family Wedding

An alligator as a ring bearer?!? Would you perform this wedding? | AMM Blog

Stan and Adele had agreed to go to South Florida a week before Uncle Stu and Amanda’s wedding to help with the last-minute details. They were bringing their daughters Justine and Suzy along so they could help. When they stepped off the train, they looked around for Stu.

St. Augustine Alligator Farm

Adele: I don’t see Stu anywhere.

Justine: Maybe he got lost on the way to the station.

Suzy: I bet Amanda isn’t letting him out of her sight.

Stan: They’ve been staying with Granny Gator so she can keep an eye on him.

Adele: Are you sure he was going to meet us? Maybe we should just take the bus.

Squirrels express frustration by twitching their tails, researchers say.

Then they heard a very agitated voice behind them:

Are you the Stanley Gator family? I need to find the Stanley Gator family. Have you seen the Stanley Gator family? They were supposed to be on this train? I have to find the Stanley Gator family.

Stan turned around to see who was calling him and was very surprised to see a rather large squirrel.

Fewer Bears, More Birds - UPDATE October 4, 2015 - The Wildlife Research Institute

Stan: I’m Stan Gator. What can I do for you?

Squirrel: I’m Stella. I’m the wedding planner for Stuart and Amanda.I’m glad I found you. Things are not going well for the wedding. I’ll explain it on the way to Granny Gertie’s farm.

Suzy: Are they fighting? Are they going to cancel the wedding?

Justine: That’s dumb. Why would they cancel the wedding now?

Difference between an alligator (left) and a crocodile (right) : r/BeAmazed

Stella: They are fine.They are getting married on the beach and then going to the swamp for the reception.

Adele: That sounds lovely. What’s the problem?

Stella: There was some type of miscommunication. The Everglades Inn, where we are having the reception, was supposed to provide the officiant for the wedding. Apparently, no one told him, and he does not want to travel to the beach.

Justine: Maybe you could offer them more money.

North American River Otter | Bearizona

Stella: Unfortunately, he is a river otter and is not comfortable with the ocean.

Stan: There must be someone else who could do it.

Stella: I’ve been calling around. No luck so far.

She pulled into the driveway, and everyone got out of the car. Granny, Stu, and Amanda came out to greet them.

Stu: Adele, you and the girls get prettier every time I see you.

St. Augustine Alligator Farm Zoological Park - Happy Valentine's Day  everyone, we love you all! #zooforyou #happyvalentinesday #bemine  #youresweet #saaf #iheartalligators #lovefl | Facebook

Suzy: Hi, Uncle Stu. How are you?

Stu: I’m doing fine. I imagine you’ve heard about the glitch in our wedding planning.

Adele: It’s a shame that you haven’t been able to find a replacement for your officiant.

Amanda: It seemed so romantic to set the date on Valentine’s Day. But now everyone is booked. It’s too late to postpone the wedding. We don’t know what to do.

CAPYBARA Riding an ALLIGATOR! Would you Believe It

Stu: The other problem is that a lot of animals are afraid of alligators

Justine: I don’t understand that. We’re nice to other creatures.

Stan: Some alligators see almost anything as a snack. Other animals don’t want to take a chance.

Suzy: And our teeth are kinda scary.

Phishing for Anonymous Alligators

Stu’s son Vinny came around the corner.

Vinny: Hey, Dad. I have an idea. When humans need someone for a wedding, they go online and get certified to do it.

Stu: We are not humans.

Vinny: I know that. But maybe we could get one of those certifications before the wedding.

Two cute alligators | Two alligators of the Walter Zoo lying… | Flickr

Amanda: Could we just ask one of the humans who already can marry humans.

Stu: I love you Sweetie, but I am not getting married by a human.

Justine: I’m afraid of humans.

Suzy: Yeah. You can’t tell the difference between the nice ones and the ones who would eat us.

Ibis Bird Facts - Threskiornithidae - A-Z Animals

Adele: So we need to find an animal to marry you or one of us needs to be certified.

Cousin Danny, the bird doctor, joined the conversation.

Danny: I know an ibis who could probably do it. I’ll call her.

Amanda: That’s wonderful Danny!

Justine: Why did you get here so early?

🔥 Stacked Alligators. : r/NatureIsFuckingLit

Danny: The bachelor party is tomorrow. Amanda didn’t want anyone showing up at the wedding with a hangover.

Justine: Where are you going?

Stu: It’s a secret. They’re not even telling me.

Next Week: The bachelor party

I'm a Big Brave Alligator!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

29

Cat Council: January 2025

Snoops: I called this council meeting to discuss how the integration of our household is progressing.

Sgt Stripes: I haven’t seen any fights or fur flying.

Gypsy: There’s still some growling and hissing.

Angel: That’s just you.

Gypsy: It is not. Besides, I need to keep you away from my food. You did try to starve me last year.

Angel: It’s not my fault we didn’t get enough food when we were staying in the sunroom.

Gypsy: You are almost everything we got.

Snoops: Ladies, that’s old news. You need to move on.

Gypsy: What’s your excuse with Sgt Stripes? You growl at him every time he walks by.

Snoops: We have a history. He tried to eat Kommando Kitty when he moved in.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t try to eat her. I was just trying to play.

Angel: Snoops has a right to keep him at paw’s length.

Sgt Stripes: It’s gotten better. Snoops hasn’t growled at me in two days.

Snoops: You seem to be slightly less annoying.

Sgt Stripes: We all eat breakfast together now.

Angel: Except Onyx. She thinks she’s too good for us.

Onyx: I don’t dislike you. I just don’t see any point in coming downstairs. I have everything I want upstairs.

Sgt Stripes: She does come down for treats sometimes.

Angel: Not since she started getting extra treats upstairs from the blonde kid.

Snoops: We really don’t see much of her.

Onyx: Well, I am pretty busy with my new position. I am the upstairs reading coordinator for the bedtime books for the small humans.

Gypsy: I thought you were an emotional support cat.

Onyx: I am. But since you and Sgt Stripes decided to stay downstairs, there really isn’t another cat to supervise.

Snoops: And we all know the humans need supervision. Especially the little ones.

Gypsy: That reminds me, we need to talk to Thomas Tabby. He’s supposed to be the liaison with the humans. We got that automatic litter box for Christmas and it still isn’t plugged in.

Sgt Stripes: They said something about a cat urinating in the electrical outlet that it was supposed to be plugged into. They want to put it in the utility room where one of the old litter boxes is.

Angel: I don’t want an electric litter box. That sounds scary. What if it eats one of us?

Sgt Stripes: They said it had been tested and is safe. I can’t believe that was our big Christmas present.

Angel: The toys were pretty cool.

Gypsy: I found out that Mom didn’t finish Prince Arthur’s blanket in time for Christmas. So I claimed it.

Snoops: Who’s Prince Arthur?

Sgt Stripes: You know. He lives with that woman who comes here to see our human brother.

Snoops: That’s right. I have enough trouble keeping the cats here straight. I forgot there was another cat involved with things. At least he doesn’t live here.

Angel: We do seem to be at cat capacity. At least I have a good sleeping spot next to the heater.

Sgt Stripes: And we do have a lot of places to snuggle up in.

Snoops: So everyone is pretty content? Meeting adjourned.

25

Brrr! It’s Getting Cold in Cheeseland

   

Greetings. Sgt Stripes here. You might remember that we live in Michigan. And it’s getting cold here. According to Weather Kitty, it’s supposed to be under 0 degrees Fahrenheit by the end of the weekend. I’m not really sure what that means, but Weather Kitty has an advisory. I remember when I lived outside that this time of year was when I had to find someplace protected to stay.

The other four kitties came from shelters. They spent some time outside too. We are all really happy to be inside where we don’t really have to worry about it. It’s an old farmhouse, so it’s not really airtight. (Thank goodness, or we wouldn’t have mousies and bugs to chase.) Angel has a favorite spot right next to the baseboard heat.

I REALLY like my electric tummy-warmer. (Mom says it’s called a bed-warmer. Whatever. And Onyx has her fuzzy blanket. Angel and Snoops rely on human heat a lot of the time. Gypsy likes to sleep under the plant light where it’s warm. It seems like most of the cats we know don’t really like the cold. I thought I would ask Mr. Google about cats and cold weather.

Mr Google says that cats get cold easily. We started out as desert dwellers and have a high body temperature. (Higher than humans). We usually feel the cold before the humans do. (I don’t know about that. Mom and Blondie get cold a lot.It’s why we have so many blankets laying around the house.

Some cats get cold quicker than other cats. Older cats and kittens get cold faster than adult cats. Skinny cats and cats that come from a warm climate get cold quicker than heftier cats and cats from cold climates. But even with all the variations, all cats get cold eventually.

The first sign of a cat feeling cold is that they will look for the warmest spot available. We will curl up into a tight ball. Some cats cover their noses with their tail. If it keeps getting colder, cats start to shiver. Cats can develop hypothermia where their body temperature begins to drop. This is a very dangerous stage.

It is important to avoid getting hypothermia. Cats need to be inside if possible when the temperatures drop. If you’re feeling cold, tell your human to let you inside immediately. If you can’t go inside, your human can provide thick bedding for you to hunker into. A bowl of warm water is also helpful to a cold cat.

Remind your human that what is okay for them isn’t warm enough for you. (They always forget that with sweaters and jackets and whatever, they don’t really feel the temperature. Here are some guidelines (all temperatures are Fahrenheit):

  • Small cats, older cats, and kittens are uncomfortable below 50 degrees
  • Cats who have lost a lot of weight or have arthritis can be uncomfortable under 60 degrees
  • Cats can get frostbite and hypothermia below 32 degrees
  • All cats should have a sheltered place to stay if the temperature gets below 45 degrees

All of this is not to say that all cats hate the cold. Some love to go outside for a bit and come back in to warm up. A lot of us get thick winter coats that help with the cold. Black cats absorb more heat from the sun. And some breeds come from cold climates. These kitties have developed traits to help them survive in cold weather. Here are 8 cat breeds that originated in cold climates and are able to tolerate cold weather better than most.

Siberian Cats | Pet Spotlight | Appearance, Personality & History

Siberian Cat – These cats have an ultra-plush three-layer winter coat that they shed in the summer. They are friendly and affectionate. As a bonus, they are also hypoallergenic.

Kurilian Bobtail Longhair - TICA - The International Cat Association

Kurilian Bobtail – They have a semi-long coat with a pom-pom tail. They are very loving and gentle as well as independent and intelligent. These cats are superior mousers.

Norwegian Forest Cat: Breed Profile, Characteristics & Care

Norwegian Forest Cat – These cats have a water-resistant, semi-long coat. In the winder they have a thick, fully undercoat to keep our the cold. They are good-sized kitties, weighing up to 20 pounds. They are loving and independent. (Our human grandparents had a Norwegian Forest Cat. She sat in front the of the head registers in the winter and in front of the air conditioning ducts in the summer. We all aspire to her status in the house.)

Fun Facts About Russian Blue Cats | ASPCA® Pet Health Insurance

Russian Blue – They have a short, dense double blue coat which is tipped with silver. Russian Blues are independent but gentle and playful. They are considered low-maintenance and adapt easily to changing circumstances.

Top 5 Reasons Maine Coon Cats are Awesome - West Park Animal Hospital

Maine Coon – These cats have heavy, water-resistant coats. Additionally they have large, muscular bodies. The combination makes them well-suited to being outside in the cold weather. They can weigh up to 25 pounds, but are extremely gentle. They are excellent hunters,  highly adaptable and very attentive to their humans.

How to Identify a Turkish Angora Cat: Guide with Infographic - Catster

Turkish Angora/Turkish Van – They have extremely soft fur and solid bodies helping them be comfortable in the cold.  They are active, intelligent, and social. And they love water. (Although probably not outside in the winter.)

Selkirk Rex Cat Breed Information - Vetstreet | Vetstreet

Selkirk Rex – These kitties come in both short-haired and long-haired versions The short-haired version has a dense, plush curled coat. (Some people have compared them to teddy bears.) The long-haired ones look a bit like a wooly sheep. They are fairly large and very muscular. They are easygoing and cuddly.

Breed Spotlight: Scottish Fold | MetLife Pet Insurance

Scottish Fold – Similar to the Selkirk Rex, Scottish Folds can be either long-haired or short-haired. Their fur is extremely plush and dense. They have sturdy bodies with natural padding to keep our the cold. All Scottish Fold kittens are born with straight ears; approximately 50% will fold 18-24 days after birth. It is a natural mutation and has not resulted in increased ear infections.

As we write this, I’m lying on a couple of sweaters,   getting sleepy. I think I’ll just stay here and watch the cold through the window.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

28

Mingling at the Kit Kat Club

Hi everyone. It’s Gypsy Katt. You may recall that Cheeseland is now living in a Tabocracy. Thomas Tabby has started his job as a liaison to the humans. One of his promises was that he was going to try to promote inter-species activities. I’m going to tell you about my experience with inter-species speed dating. I tried it out so I could report on it. (Just for the record, I am a very happy single lady cat.)  Sgt Stripes tagged along to watch. He sat at the bar with a cup of catnip tea.

I didn’t really know what speed dating was.The event was sponsored by the Kit Kat Club. It’s a rather elegant place that’s a popular spot for weddings and other receptions. The way that it worked was that we were given a card with the names of the animals we would be “dating”. Each “date” lasted for 5 minutes before we changed partners. At the end, we would decide which of the partners we would like to interested in meeting again. If there were any matches, we would get their contact information.

Capybara sensation: Why a rodent is winning hearts of millions of TikTokers | Trending - Hindustan Times

I ended up with two cats, a guinea pig, a couple of rabbits, three dogs, a mouse, and a capybara. The capybara was up first. He was very nice. However, he was a vegetarian who spends a lot of time in the water. I don’t think we had much in common. Not only that, he was huge. I decided to pass on him.

Siamese Cats: Facts You Should Know About This Breed

Next, I was paired with a Siamese. He was extremely attractive, but seemed to be very conceited about it. I don’t know if he was nervous or what, but he talked nonstop for the entire 5 minutes. I don’t think he even asked my name. He was looking for a life partner to start a family. That is not me.

GROOMING Rabbits and Guinea Pigs ...

The guinea pig was pretty cute, but had extremely long hair. It was hard to see his eyes. He is new to the area and is mainly looking for friends. I thought there were better places to do that, but he was very charming. Another vegetarian. I wasn’t sure about dating someone who looks so much like prey.

36 The Mouse Spot and other cuties ideas | cute animals, cute mouse, animals beautiful

Speaking of prey, the mouse seemed terrified. I’m not sure why he thought that going to a dating event sponsored by a club for cats was a good idea. I tried talking to him, but all he could do was squeak. I’m pretty sure he thought I was going to eat him.

The two rabbits disappeared before I had a chance to talk to them. That left a cat and three dogs.

Tuxedo cats: 10 fun facts you need to know | PetsRadar

This cat was an elegant tuxedo cat. He was well-spoken and polite. I was starting to think that I might want to know more about him when he started talking about his kittens. I asked where their mother was. He said that she was still with the kittens and wouldn’t mind him seeing someone else. Another pass.

Labradoodle: Your Ultimate Guide to Curly Companions - Articles Factory

Then things got a little strange.One of the other ladies was a cute labradoodle. She had been talking with one of the dogs (who was supposed to be seeing me next.) They seemed to really be getting along well. When the buzzer went off, they were still talking. The next dog in line walked over,

Is the relationship between your dogs in trouble? — LOMA Behavior and  Training

The first dog didn’t move, so the second dog, a large German Shepherd, growled at him. The first dog, a border collie, didn’t move. The German Shepherd lunged at the border collie, and they started to fight. Several other animals joined the fight.

Sgt Stripes jumped down from the bar and helped me get out of the building. I do not recommend inter-species speed dating. 

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

The New Gnu News

Terms of Venery: Whence the Wildebeest: An Implausibility of Gnus

Welcome. My name is Isina, and I would like to welcome you to The New Gnu News. You may remember that we had to shut down The Gnu News several months ago after our founder and editor-in-chief, Clive Attlelon, was attacked and carried off by a pack of wild dogs. After much deliberation, we decided that we wanted to carry on with the paper in Clive’s memory,.

Here are some recent events from around the savanna:

Frolicking Giraffe and Baboon, Arusha National Park, Tanzania (Giraffes, Baboons) – Melissa Groo

Giraffes on Patrol – On the far west side of the savanna, giraffes are starting to take action against the large cats that are their natural predators. The giraffes have joined forces with local baboons. The plan is to have the baboon ride the giraffe and throw things (possibly fruit at the cats to scare them office. Training is almost complete, with the teams set to ride by the end of the month.

Lion Conservation & Endangered Status ...

Big Cat Entente – With the humans continuing to encroach on hunting land, the big cats are putting their heads together to see if they can put their natural instincts aside long enough to figure out how everyone can keep eating. The cats say that rumors of eating a human once in a while to ease the crowding was never seriously considered. There continues to be discussions around the possibility of relocating some of the jackals and hyenas. Talks are ongoing.

All you need to know about zebras, from where they live and why they migrate to the mystery behind their stripes | Discover Wildlife

Teen-Age Zebra Angst – Zebra parents are getting worried. The latest trend on zebra social media is to dye their coats, so the zebra looks more like a horse. Parents and grandparents are worried about losing zebra identity. The influencers say they will be more popular with both horses and zebras being attracted. Parents say there’s nothing stopping zebras and horses from dating now and that zebras will lose their exotic mystique. Besides the dye is hard on the hair and needs to be done once a month.

FAQ on Africa Antelope - Africa Mammals Guide

Animal Tracking Alert – The popular dating app, Animal Tracking, has admitted that it has been hacked. Someone has been matching wildly incompatible clients. One antelope was horrified to discover she had been matched with a buzzard. The first time they met for drinks, she was horrified to discovered that her date was happily slurping down a brown piece of something. Luckily, she saw him before he saw her. She has blocked the buzzard on the app but is thinking that she should probably just close the account and move to a more herbivore-centric dating site. Remember – always meet in a public place for your first date.

White Rhino | Species | WWF

Rhinoceros Support Group – Are you tired of everyone thinking that you’re a mean, bad-tempered brute looking for a fight just because you’re a large animal with a scary horn on your head? Are you looking for somewhere you can go and not feel like you are frightening everyone? Join us on Tuesday nights either in person or on anima-vision at Rhino-Bro. It’s a totally safe space where you can be you. Let us help you to be proud of who you are.

City of Seattle ITD on X: "Happy International #CatDay ...if only cats had cell  phones. Seattle IT is calling on cat lover @KateMGarman to top this photo!  https://t.co/5k2kGzMltF" / X

Help Wanted – We’re looking for a few highly-motivated, ambitious interns. You will learn the ins and outs of the financial services industry. Hands-on experience with actual clients. Learn how the banking business really works. You will be expected to meet/exceed goals you set with your advisor. We work hard, and we play hard. If this sounds interesting, click on the link below to get started on your application. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The position is unpaid.

What lives on the savanna? - Q-files - Search • Read • Discover

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

20

New Year’s Resolutions, Cat-Style

Greetings. Snoops here. Apparently humans do something called Making New Year’s Resolutions this time of year. I don’t really understand why Wednesday is going to be a different year from Tuesday. I think it has something to do with using up all the pages on the calendar.

Of course, cats are perfect so we don’t need to make promises about exercising every day or drinking less coffee. And some cats are less perfect than others; they just can’t see where they need to improve. So we decided to help each other identify slight flaws that could be worked on. Each cat came up with one suggestion for every other cat.

Angel

Gypsy: You still need to apologize for all the food you stole from me when we were together in the sunroom. You could offer to share your food with me.

Onyx: You seem to be spending a lot of time on my human’s lap. I think you should resolve to spend more time finding somewhere else to lounge.

Sgt Stripes: You were really nice to me. We even hunted together. I think you should try harder to play with me. I think we could be buddies.

Snoops: I like you best of all the invader cats. But I don’t like to eat all of my food at the same time the way you guys too. You could try not to eat my scraps until you find out if they really are scraps.

Gypsy

Onyx: You should stop sleeping in the plants. You smell like dirt.

Sgt Stripes: You’re my favorite of the invader cats. You should spend more time with the rest of us. We could be best friends and spend lots of time playing.

Snoops: You seem really nervous a lot of the time. You should find something that will help you relax. Maybe some catnip tea.

Angel: You need to get over what happened in the sunroom. And stop trying to steal my breakfast.

Onyx

Sgt Stripes: You kinda seem to have a bad attitude. Like you think you’re better than the rest of us. Maybe you should try meditation or something.

Snoops: You kinda mess up the rhythm of treat time. Maybe you should try flavors other than dairy. Mom always has to get out a separate bag for you.

Angel: You think you’re better than we are because your human came with us. You could willingly share her once in a while.

Gypsy: You seem a little arrogant. You should try hanging out with the cats sometime, not just with your human.

Sgt Stripes

Snoops: I am the empress kitty here. Quit pouncing on me.

Angel: You’re a really nice kitty. I like it when you just hang out with us. You should try to get your exercise somewhere else.

Gypsy: We were buddies when we were both upstairs. You should try to do more shared naptimes. It’s cold now. Work on getting a cuddle buddy.

Onyx: I don’t really know you. Maybe you could stop eating all those revolting flavors of treats so they only buy the good ones.

Snoops

Angel: I think you should resolve to find a new napping buddy now that Kommando is gone. I volunteer to be your new partner.

Gypsy: You seem to be really tense sometimes, just like me. I think you need to find a new napping spot. And maybe take some vitamins.

Onyx: I don’t think you understand my esteemed position in my previous household. I think I am due more respect here.

Sgt Stripes: You need to chill out and relax. Sometimes you look and sound really mean.

Cats On New Years Calendar Art Free Stock Photo - Public Domain Pictures

Free New Year Clipart - New Year Graphics

27

Edgar Mouse’s Christmas Adventure

 Christmas mouse Cute mouse with christmas gift mouse celebrating christmas | Premium AI-generated image

Edgar Mouse was very excited. He was going to visit his sister Polly for Christmas. He was a field mouse, but Polly had moved into town and was now a house mouse. She was renting space in a multi-species dwelling. There was a strict no-intimidation, no-eating policy among the residents.

Woodland Trust🌳 on X: "The yellow-necked #mouse (Apodemus flavicollis) can be easily confused with the more common wood mouse. It is a #woodland species, particularly common in #AncientWoodland, and can be found

Several of the residents were having friends and family stop by for the holidays, so Polly gave Edgar directions directly to her space to ensure there wouldn’t be any problems with the other guests. As Edgar got near, he tried to remember what she had said.

“Hmm. I know there was something about direction. Was it Go to the west, that’s always best? or Avoid the beast. Go to the east? or Dragon’s mouth is in the South? No, that one’s silly. She doesn’t live with dragons. I don’t remember. Now what should I do?

Eating cute little mouse | One of these cute and tiny mice e… | Flickr

Edgar walked around the house, looking in the windows. He didn’t see Polly anywhere. There was a big front door. That couldn’t possibly be right. He wandered around a bit more. Something smelled delicious. He was so preoccupied with the smell that he didn’t notice the small crack in the wall.

“That must be what I’m looking for! It’s perfectly mouse-sized. I’ll just sneak in and surprise Polly.”

The real-life Tom and Jerry: Captured mouse stands his ground and hits cat back in 10-minute battle before escaping

Edgar squeezed into the crack. To his surprise, it opened up into a large dining room. He sat on his haunches for a couple of minutes looking around. What was that delicious aroma? Something was baking. He started to follow the smell. Suddenly, he felt a tug on his tail. He looked back and was horrified to see a rather large tabby cat with its paw on his tail.

The Tabby was looking at Edgar and grinning.

Cat Playing with Mouse - Interactive Scene | AI Art Generator | Easy-Peasy.AI

“Hello, mouse. Would you like to play?”

Edgar shook his head, terrified. The cat let him go. He ran away, but was cornered by a tortie. This cat batted at him a couple of times, but didn’t really seem interested in hurting him. The tabby picked him up in his mouth and looked around. Edgar squirmed and the cat let him go.

10 Facts About Cats and Mice

For several minutes, the two cats and Edgar “played.” He was looking for an escape. Every time Edgar tried to run, one of the cats would put a paw on him. They never hurt him, but Edgar was terrified. Finally, he hid under a cabinet and tried to figure out how to escape. The cats had him cornered there.

Blog - Richmond, VA Homeowners' Complete Guide To House Mice

Suddenly, the big door opened. The cats were distracted, and Edgar raced out the door. Finally, he was safe again. But where was Polly? He looked around, afraid to approach the house again. He heard someone calling his name.

“Edgar! Edgar! Where are you?”

Edgar: Polly! Is that you?

Rodent Exclusion with Hulett Environmental Services

Polly: Oh my goodness, Edgar! I was so worried. Are you okay?

Edgar: Polly! I’m so glad I found you. I had a terrible adventure. There were two cats who had me trapped.

Polly: You’re lucky you got out. My place is on the other side of the house. The cat I live with heard what was going on. He’s the one who opened the door so you could escape.

Winter Rodents | Dobby the Capybara

Edgar: You live with a cat?

Polly: Oh, yes. There are a couple of cats, a family of guinea pigs, a capybara, and a gorilla. There’s also a Bernese Mountain Dog who watches over us all,

Edgar: Will I be safe there?

Christmas Mouse with Bauble Decoration Festive Rodent Celebrating the Holiday Season | Premium AI-generated image

Polly: Absolutely. Just follow me. Like I said, “west is best”. If we go in the west door, my space is just inside.

Edgar followed her in. It was very cozy. After all the excitement, he was very tired and took a long nap before meeting the rest of the housemates. They welcomed him, and Edgar had a very enjoyable Christmas.

Christmas Kittens | Cat christmas cards, Merry christmas cat, Merry christmas pictures

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

13

Christmas Toy Delivery – The Yaks’ Perspective – Part 3

Project Himalaya | Our yak photo gallery

Where we are: It’s almost Christmas, and Santa is worried. For years, his ability to deliver toys around the world on Christmas Eve has been credited to Christmas magic. In reality, he and the reindeer are magic, but they get a lot of help storing the toys locally by using the services of Yak Express. In reality, Beasts of Burden (BoB), a unionized subsidiary of Yak Express, has a contract to get the toys to worldwide staging areas for the reindeer to pick them up on Christmas Eve.The yaks do a lot of the work, and the reindeer get all the glory. The yaks are ready to go on strike if they don’t get some recognition. You can read parts 1 here and 2 here.

Siamese Cat Breed Information & Characteristics

The two sides are meeting with an arbitrator to find some common ground. Both sides have been whispering amongst themselves while they wait for the meeting to start. Finally a beautiful Siamese cat walks into the room and looks around.

Santa (whispering): Who is she? I’ve never seen her before. I thought all the arbitrators were elves.

Tibetan Yak colors | yak color patterns | yak images | Tibet images

Zeke, the lead yak negotiator looks pleased. They had been concerned that the elves would be too close to Santa to be impartial. The cat takes a seat at the head of the table.

Cat: Good morning everyone. My name is Nakhon, and I am here to help you come to an agreement regarding changes the yaks would like to make in their new contract. It appears that the two sides are rather far apart after several weeks of negotiation, and the yaks are ready to go on strike.

Angry Santa Claus Images - Free Download on Freepik

Santa: They can’t go on strike. It would ruin Christmas!

Nakhon: Then, I recommend you find a way to make them content. Who will be representing your side?

Santa: It’s my personal attorney, Sylvester SilverBells.

Nakhon: And for the yaks?

Zeke: I am the lead negotiator. My name is Zeke.

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Nakhon: I’ve been looking over the requests that the yaks have made. They seem to be pretty straightforward. Let’s begin with the request for shelter in extreme climates. That seems to be a reasonable request.

Sylvester: We have a concern that building yak centers in remote locations will draw attention to our operation. We don’t want to spoil the magic for all of the boys and girls.

A highland cow sleeping in the evening sun : r/aww

Zeke: We aren’t asking for huge new facilities. Our members would be happy with a warm bed of hay and some grass and water. Too many times, they’ve had to wander around looking for a spot to lie down. We wouldn’t be resting until we had delivered the presents to the storage facility.

Nakhon: That sounds reasonable to me, Mr. SilverBells. You don’t want your yaks to be collapsing from exhaustion, do you? That would be a bigger scandal than someone finding out the reindeer are being helped by yaks.

Young Oregon Farmer Tries To Make A Career With Yaks | Jefferson Public  Radio

Sylvester: I suppose you’re right. We’ll find some type of shelter in any location that is more than 20 miles from an existing shelter.

Zeke: We’d also like a an allowance for travel-based expenses.

Nakhon: That was not part of the original request. I will order the two sides to form a committee to deal with that issue.

Zeke (to his team): It was worth a shot.

A yak with long horns walking down a dirt road photo – Free Scotland Image  on Unsplash

Nakhon: Moving along. How often do the yaks travel more than 250 miles on a trip?

Zeke:Things are sent all over the globe. Sometimes the yaks have to take boats or trains to get to their destination. It can take several days.

Nakhon: How did you arrive at a bonus every 250 miles?

Zeke: It’s a good way to keep the employee motivated to accept the long-haul routes.

Yak | Took a picture of running Yak near Macherma, Nepal. It… | Flickr

Sylvester: It’s not feasible to give the yaks a bonus every 250 miles. That would be too expensive. Almost every trip is over 250 miles.

Nakhon: It does seem a little overly generous. Perhaps you could work out a bonus that is paid at the end of each trip.

Zeke: We need to make sure that we are rewarding our best performers.

Sylvester: We can work out something based on how quickly and safely the yaks complete a round trip.

Zeke: That sounds reasonable.

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Nakhon: The final item is paid holidays. Have the yaks been working without any paid holidays.

Zeke: Yes, ma’am

Sylvester: The yaks don’t really need paid holidays. Their work is seasonal.

Zeke: We have to be available whenever Santa wants us.

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Nakhon: Do the reindeer have paid holidays? Their work is also seasonal.

Sylvester: That’s different. They don’t get Christmas off.

Zeke: No, but they are paid for New Year’s Day and Easter. And they get paid vacations.

Nakhon: Would these holidays interfere with the service Santa requires?

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Sylvester: The Winter Solstice is during our busy season.

Zeke: We can do without that, this time.

Nakhon: I think that’s everything. Do we have an agreement?

Zeke: I have to let the members vote on it, but I think it’s an agreement.

Sylvester: We agree.

Santa: Wonderful! Now let’s get back to work. It’s almost Christmas.

About 1 — YAK VANS

Pictures courtesy of Google Images

9

Christmas Toy Delivery – The Yaks’ Perspective – Part 2

Large hairy yak carrying load close up, 2023

Where we are: The yaks who are part of the Beasts of Burden (BoB) union are currently working without a contract.They are the key to Santa’s logistical network doing the behind-the-scenes present delivery to Santa’s depots all over the world. The reindeer “last-mile” delivery on Christmas Eve is only possible because of the yaks’ hard work. The yaks are never mentioned because Santa feels it would take away some of the magic from Christmas. You can read about it here.

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The yaks’ contract with North Pole management expired in the middle of September. They have been working hard since then without a contract. The yaks are asking for more money in the form of a per-mile bonus, shelters and food in some of the more remote areas, and six paid holidays. Currently the yaks are paid an hourly rate with no other benefits.

Santa is getting nervous. He sets up a meeting with Herman Hoover, his accountant.

Dog accountant Pets with jobs | Premium AI-generated image

Santa; Herman, I just got a letter from Max Yak. He’s the head of the BoB. He says they’re going on strike if we don’t meet their demands for a new contract. Did you know about this?

Herman: Actually, I did. I’ve been talking with them for several weeks. Their requests are outrageous. They want us to build shelters for them if they have to deliver to the desert or the Arctic circle. That was part of the advantage in hiring yaks; they can adapt to almost any weather.

Yak | Wild Ox of Asia, Himalayas & Tibet | Britannica

Santa: They do a lot of work for us. It seems reasonable that they would need a place to rest once in awhile.

Herman: But what if someone finds out that they’re in the area on official North Pole business? It’s not as if a yak with a hundred Christmas presents is a common sight. We’re trying to get them in and out as quickly as possible. Next thing you’ll know is that they will want us to provide trains so they can travel in comfort.

Yak in a flat cap with a knapsack riding a train on Craiyon

Santa: They didn’t say anything about trains. I think that would be unreasonable. Definitely no trains.

Herman: I didn’t mean they were actually asking for trains. It was just an example of what might be next if we provide shelter.

Santa: What about this request for per-mile bonus. Don’t we already pay them for their travel.

Yak walking on footbridge amidst mountains at Sagarmatha National Park  stock photo

Herman: We pay them a decent hourly wage. They want a bonus on top of that for every 250 miles they travel in a year. The bonus would be paid at the end of the year. It’s a ridiculous request. Their entire job is to travel; why would we pay them extra for doing the job they were hired to do?

Santa: Do we give the reindeer a holiday bonus?

Herman: That’s different. They travel the entire globe over a 24-hour period.

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Santa: What holidays do they want to be paid for?

Herman: New Years Day, Lunar New Years Day, Nepalese New Year, Summer Solstice, Winter Solstice, and Christmas.

Santa: They want three new years every year? Why would they want the Nepalese New Year off?

Herman: Yak Express is headquartered in Nepal.

Diamond Painting - Full Round - Christmas Yak(30*30cm)

Santa: It’s getting close to Christmas. We need to make sure the presents can all be delivered.

Herman: Don’t worry, the yaks won’t cancel Christmas. We’ve been working with them for years. They always get a little touchy when the contract needs to be renewed, but they sign in the end.

Santa: I’m not sure. I don’t remember it ever running into December before.

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Santa’s phone rings and he picks it up. He ends the call with “Yes, I understand.”

Herman: What was that about?

Santa: That was Max Yak. If we don’t settle the contract by December 15, they’re going to strike.

How reindeer evolved to be Santa's perfect helper | BBC Earth

Herman: They should have most of the presents delivered by then. The reindeer will have to pick up the slack.

Santa: He also said they would tell everyone how Christmas delivery actually works.We need to fix this, Herman. I want to get the yaks and your team in a room and not leave until this thing is settled.

Every Negotiation is a Different Animal.

Next week: WIll negotiations work to save the magic of Christmas?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

16

Christmas Toy Delivery – The Yaks’ Perspective

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Zafir Yak was sitting in the employee lounge of Beasts of Burden (BOB) Local 687, a part of Yak Express. He was watching the news on the television when a story about Santa’s reindeer came on.

Reporter: Tell us about what’s going on in Santa’s Workshop this time of year.

Comet: It’s the busiest part of the year for us. Santa’s getting requests from children all around the world. He has to make sure that all of the good boys and girls get what they want.

Santa Claus using a laptop computer while sitting at desk on dark blue background | Premium AI-generated image

Reporter: Does he have a system to keep it all straight? That’s a lot of toys.

Dancer: Computers have really helped him keep things organized. He has up-to-the-minute access to which toys are most popular. Elves are working around the clock to make sure everyone gets what they asked for.

Reporter: What are the reindeer doing right now?

Dasher: We are doing training runs. We have to be perfect by Christmas Eve.

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Reporter: It is amazing that eight reindeer can carry all of those toys. How do you build up the stamina for that? After all, it’s the only day of the year you actually work. How do you make sure you’re at peak performance?

Comet: It’s the only day the humans see us. We’re working all year. The eight of us are professionals. We are in peak shape all of the time. Christmas Eve is the day of the hard work pays off. We deliver millions of toys on one night. And we have to make sure that they are all in the right pace. It’s a lot of work to be one of Santa’s reindeer. We are an elite unit.

A large furry yak is lying in the snow The yak has its mouth wide open and is laughing | Premium AI-generated image

Zafir’s friend Sandy starts laughing.

Sandy: Can you believe that goofball? Acting like they are the only ones ensuring that every child gets their toy.

Zafir: They already talked about Santa and the elves.

Sandy: But they haven’t said a word about the Yaks’.

Zafir: They may not have gotten to us yet.

Mitchell: They never get to us.

A group of yaks standing together | Premium AI-generated image

Sandy: He’s right. We’re supposed to be a secret. We’re part of the “magic.”

Benji: But that’s going to change this year. Pretty soon everyone will know who we are.

Zafir: What’s happening this year?

Benji: Beasts of Burden has a contract with the North Pole. It lists all of the jobs we are responsible for. It also says how much we get paid and what other benefits we get. Like vacation and sick time.

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Leopold: Someone got a hold of the reindeer contract. They get two months vacation and unlimited sick time each year. They also have private gyms and on-site cafeterias.

Benji: Our contract was up a couple of months ago. We’re working without a contract right now. But that isn’t going to last until Christmas.

Leopold: Our President, Max Yak, has sent a letter to the North Pole. He has told them that either they agree to some of our demands, or he will tell everyone just how involved Yaks’ are with Christmas.

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Zafir: You mean like how we’re the ones who take the toys to depots around the world where the reindeer can pick them up for local delivery?

Sandy: And the reason Santa is so fast is that he doesn’t actually carry the toys in his sleigh?

Benji: And a few more of Santa’s logistical shortcuts.

Zafir: But then it won’t seem so magical.

Benji: Even worse, if we don’t get a living wage, we’re gonna go on strike. Those reindeer can find out exactly how much work we do for them.

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Next week: Will the yaks strike?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images