27

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation – Part 3

|

Feeding Cuteness on the Himalayas: Up Close and Personal with Adorable Marmots

Where we are: Sophie Marmot and her daughters woke up from hibernation to a clubhouse for their subdivision being built right over their burrow. Unable to stop construction on her own, Sophie has hired  an attorney, Java Gorilla, to help her. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Xavier News | GRIZZLY versus GORILLA: Who Would Win?

Java has been granted an emergency order to stop construction on the clubhouse. He told Sophie and the girls that it was safe to stay in their burrow and that they should stay there so there would be no issue of abandonment. In the meantime, he sent out his ace evidence team, the Super Sleuth Snake Squad (S4) to see what they could find. He had requested a hearing in front of Judge Peter T Possum. Sophie was visiting his office.

Gorilla In Hat Sitting At The Desk Background, Funny Picture Work, Funny, Picture Background Image And Wallpaper for Free Download

Sophie: How are things looking, Java?

Java: Let me find out. Spencer, would you please come in here?

A very large prairie rattlesnake came in. Sophie was terrified. Java spoke up quickly.

Java: Don’t worry Sophie. He won’t hurt you. Spencer is my top investigator. He’s here to help you.

Spencer: Very pleased to meet you.

Sophie: P-p-pleased to meet you.

Prairie Rattlesnake

Java: What have you found out, Spencer?

Spencer: First, the original plan filed with the county doesn’t show a clubhouse. That was added later.

Java: Does it show the clubhouse over Sophie’s burrow?

Spencer: Originally it was going to be quite a ways south of her burrow. It was going to be at the edge of the subdivision, bordering on land that is currently occupied by bears.

Marmots | Catseye Pest Control

Sophie: That agrees with what my neighbors told me. How did it end up over my burrow?

Spencer: That is an excellent question. There is no paperwork filed for that location. My team is still working on that.

Sophie: Will it be ready in time for our meeting with the judge?

Java: Don’t worry. S4 has never let me down.

Picked-On Marmots May Inherit Their Low Social Position | Discover Magazine

Sophie went home feeling very nervous. Java seemed like such a nice, professional gorilla. What if the snakes couldn’t find anything. By the time the meeting with the judge occurred, she was sure they wouldn’t be able to find anything to hold Maurice Dupree accountable.

When she arrived at the court building, she saw Java waiting for her. She also saw Maurice, the president of the Homeowners Association (HOA). He looked very relaxed and was talking on his phone. They all went in and sat in a conference room. Maurice did not have an attorney with him.

Opossum | Game Commission | Commonwealth of Pennsylvania

Judge Possum: I understand that we are here to determine whether or not a clubhouse should be build over the burrow of Ms. Sophie Marmot-Jones. Is that correct?

Maurice: That is correct, Your Honor.

Java: Yes, that is the issue. My client woke up from hibernation to the sound of stakes being driven into her living quarters.

Maurice: She knew when she moved in that there we were going to build a clubhouse in the spring. She signed a contract with that information included. I have a copy with me.

Koko Eats Paper - The Gorilla Foundation

He handed the contract to the judge. Judge Possum looked at the section that Maurice had highlighted.

Judge Possum: I see that construction of the clubhouse was included. However, I don’t see a location.

Java: That’s because the location on the paperwork is not where he was building. The paperwork he filed shows the clubhouse being on the other side of the subdivision.

Maurice: You obviously missed the addendum we filed. We had to move the clubhouse because the original location was in a high-traffic part of the subdivision.

Mount Rainier National Park... - Mount Rainier National Park

Judge Possum: Please give me a copy of that addendum.

Maurice: My assistant filed it. It should be public record.

Judge Possum: Then give me a copy.

Java: Excuse me, your Honor. We have researched the public records thoroughly. There is no addendum,. However, we did find someone who knows why it was moved. May I give you their statement?

Angry Gorilla by Paulette Thomas

Maurice: I have a right to see what you’re giving the judge.

Judge Possum: He’s right. He should have been given a copy.

Java: I didn’t think I needed to give it to him. He’s one of the signers on the document.

Maurice: That’s ridiculous. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

More cute opossum. | Fandom

Judge Possum: Let me see it.

The judge looked over the paperwork. It was a short note attached to a receipt.

Judge Possum: This says you moved the clubhouse after Rafael Bear performed several jobs for you. You signed the receipt.

Maurice: It wasn’t going to be a problem until Sophie moved in at the end of the summer. That spot had been open for a long time.

37 Photos of Ridiculously Happy Animals that are Bound to Make You Smile

Judge Possum: I see. She’s there now, and she shouldn’t have to live with stakes in her home and all of the noise. You’re going to have to remove all of the building materials from that location and build somewhere else. Be sure to file the correct paperwork the next time.

Maurice: Yes, Your Honor.

Java: Thank you, Your Honor.

Happy Birthday Marmots! – The Vancouver Island Marmot Recovery Foundation

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

19

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation – Part 2

|

Himalayan marmot, India 2016 | Only one species of marmot (M… | Flickr

Where we are: Sophie Marmot and her daughters had moved into a new burrow last fall. They had awoken from hibernation to find that their Homeowners Association (HOA) was building a clubhouse directly over their burrow. Both the builders and the president of the HOA told her that nothing could be done. You can read about it here.

Fur flies as angry Swiss farmers take aim at marmots

After talking to some of her neighbors, Sophie had learned  that the clubhouse was not originally planned to be over her burrow. The original plan was to build it near the entry of the subdivision, just off the woods.There had been a lot of arguing among the animals who lived in the woods but would not be allowed to use the clubhouse. As far as anyone knew, the issue hadn’t been resolved prior to hibernation.

Long-tailed marmot - Wikipedia

Sophie: I guess I need to find out who decided to move it over my burrow.

Nelly: That won’t be easy. Maurice controls everything.

Sophie: Then I’ll have to talk to a lawyer. We have an old family friend who should be able to help.

Sophie and the girls made an appointment to see Stanley J Marmot, Attorney at Law.

Alpine Marmot (Marmota marmota) · iNaturalist

Stanley: Welcome to my office. May I ask how you got my name? I like to thank folks who send me referrals.

Sophie: Actually you did some work for my uncle, Stuart Yellow-Belly, and my father Mortimer.

Stanley thought for a few minutes.

Stanley: I’m sorry, what did you say your uncle’s name was?

Sophie: Stuart Yellow-Belly

Stanley: You’d think I would remember a name like that.

photographs by Mark Chappell

The girls looked at each other and tried not to giggle.

Sophie: You helped him sell some property. He spoke very highly of you.

Stanley: That’s nice to hear. How is Stuart?

Sophie: Unfortunately, he passed away last year.

Stanley: I’m sorry to hear that. You said I knew your father as well?

Sophie: Yes, Mortimer Yellow-Belly.

Yellow Bellied Marmot | Umpqua Watersheds

Stanley: Those are very interesting names. Your grandmother was very creative.

Sophie: She was a yellow-bellied Marmot.

Stanley. Oh, yes. That makes sense. Did you have a reason to come by?

Sophie was wondering if she should just tell him that she had changed her mind. But her father had spoken very highly of Stanley. So she told him the entire story about purchasing the burrow and waking up to a clubhouse being built over it. Stuart had closed his eyes, and she wasn’t certain he was still awake.

Free Stock Photo of A group of groundhogs in grass | Download Free Images and Free Illustrations

Sophie: So I was speaking with my neighbors who have been in the HOA longer than us. They said that the plan had not been to build the clubhouse over my burrow. I need to find out why the plans changed.

Stanley: That does sound very unfortunate. Did you sign a contract with the HOA?

Sophie: Yes, I did. I brought it with me.

Stanley glanced over the contract and stopped at the last page.

Marmot - Wikipedia

Stanley: Is this your signature?

Sophie: Yes, it is.

Stanley: Then you have to abide by the rules of the HOA.

Sophie: But there’s nothing in that about the location of the clubhouse. I need you to find out whether it was changed after I moved into my burrow.

Stanley: How would you suggest I do that?

Sophie: I don’t know. That’s why I need a lawyer.

Yosemite)Nose to Nose....yet another marmot picture but t… | Flickr

Stanley: Oh. I see. I really don’t see that you have much of a case here. You did agree to live in the subdivision with this HOA setting the rules.

Sophie was almost in tears.

Sophie: Thank you for your time.

Stanley: My pleasure. Please say hello to your uncle and father for me.

World Wildlife Fund | WWFGifts Catalog

When they returned to their burrow, they discovered that the entryway had partially collapsed from the work above it. They had to dig out a new entry.

Nikki: Mama, do we have to move?

Sophie: No, sweetie. We’re going to have to figure out a way to stop the building. Maybe I should talk to that nice bear I met the other day.

Nikki: Bears are scary. I don’t think you should do that.

Viaero Wireless - It's Groundhog Day! | Facebook

Zoe had been scrolling through her phone. She handed it to her mother.

Zoe: Maybe you should try this guy. It says he specializes in helping prey animals against predators.

Nikki: We’re not going to be eaten.

Zoe: No. But we’re definitely less powerful than Maurice.

Photo & Art Print Gorilla monkey looking at smartphone. Generative AI

Sophie (looking at the phone): I guess it’s worth a try.

Sophie dialed the number and waited nervously. 

Voice: Java J Gorilla, Attorney-at-Law. How can I help you?

Sophie quickly explained what was going on.

Meet Shabani the gorilla, the internet's latest unlikely crush | Animals | The Guardian

Java: What is the name of the subdivision?

Sophie: Marmot Meadows.

Java: Who is in charge of the HOA?

Sophie: Maurice Dupree.

Java: I know that name. And I think I can help you.

Rain is not doing us good... - Gorilla safari uganda. | Facebook

Next week: Can Java actually do anything for Sophie?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

25

How Not to Wake Up From Hibernation

|

Yellow-bellied Marmot

Sophie Marmot and her two daughters,Nikki and Zoe, had moved into a large new burrow at the beginning of last summer. It was at the edge of the woods near some large rocks. She had wanted to burrow toward the woods, but the Homeowners Association (HOA) had said that burrows could not be pointed in that direction. Maurice, the head of the HOA, gave Sophie a binder full of rules regarding what she could and couldn’t do with her property.

What is hibernation? - Nature Alberta

Regardless of the restrictions, Sophie and the girls loved their new home. The door was well-hidden under a rock, and there was plenty of space for living and sleeping. They happily settled into hibernation in October and passed the winter peacefully. As they slowly began to come out of hibernation, they were startled awake by a loud pounding.

Zoe: Mama, what is that?

Nikki: It sounds like it’s coming right into the burrow.

Marmots

Sophie: Don’t worry. I’m sure we’re safe in here. It just sounds very loud.

They huddled together and waited for the noise to stop. Suddenly, with a loud bang, a rod came through the ceiling of the tunnel. It barely missed Nikki. She screamed.

Sophie: That’s enough. I’m going outside to see what is going on.

Zoe: We’re coming too. I’m afraid they won’t miss us if they do that again.

The Marmots of British Columbia ...

They quietly crawled along the tunnel until they reached the door. Sunlight was streaming into the tunnel.

Nikki: Where’s our rock, Mama? Did a badger try to get in to eat us?

Zoe: Or a wolf or a coyote?

Sophie: Don’t worry girls. I’m sure we were much too far in the tunnel for anyone to come hunting for us.

Why do beavers build dams? - BBC Science Focus Magazine

They cautiously crept out of the tunnel and looked around. There were beavers everywhere, working on what appeared to be a large building. Sophie walked up to one of them and asked who was in charge. He pointed at two beavers talking to each other at the edge of the woods.

Sophie: Excuse me, the beaver said that you are in charge of what is going on? Who are you?

Beaver: My name is Jacques, and this is my brother Marcel. We own J&M Builders.

Bringing back beavers | Shropshire Wildlife Trust

Zoe: I know you. I’ve seen you on AniGram. You have those, “We build til you’re thrilled” videos.

Marcel: Yep, That’s us.

Zoe: Why are you here?

Jacques: We’re building a clubhouse for the Marmot Meadows subdivision.

Sophie: Why are you building it on top of our burrow? You almost killed us.

Jacques: Sorry, Ma’am. We’re just following orders.

Aspen and Juniper: A Beaver Love Story | Smithsonian's National Zoo and Conservation Biology Institute

Sophie: Who hired you?

Jacques: Let me check. It looks like the paperwork was signed by Maurice Dupree. Do you know anyone by that name?

Sophie: Yes. He’s the idiot who told me I had to dig my burrow here. You can’t put a building over my burrow.

Jacques: I think you need to take it up with Mr. Dupree. We can’t make any changes unless he tells us to stop what we’re doing.

A Relocated Bear Walked 1,000 Miles Back to Its Favorite Campsite

Sophie walked away chittering to herself. She was so angry, she almost ran into a large black bear.

Sophie: I’m very sorry. Please forgive me.

Bear: Not a problem. I’m Rafael. Are you a marmot by chance?

Sophie: Yes I am. Why do you ask?

Rafael: I’m looking for a Marmot named Maurice. Do you know where I might find him?

Whisper | The Walt Disney Family Museum

Sophie: I’m looking for him myself. He seems to have authorized those beavers to put their building up over my burrow.

They had reached Maurice’s door. Sophie knocked, and Maurice came to the door.

Maurice: Rafael! Good to see you. How are things going?

Rafael: Can’t complain. I just wanted to thank you for moving your clubhouse away from our den. I’m sure it will be a lot quieter at our end of the woods now.

Sophie: On the other hand, I’m here to complain. Your clubhouse is going to be directly over my burrow. The girls and I aren’t going to get any sleep. And they put a pole right through our dining room. It’s not safe.

Angry Marmot | Explore: Highest position 456 | Luca Bobbiesi | Flickr

Maurice: Sophie, dear. Just let them finish. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you expect. The rest of us hibernate at the same time you do. You won’t be disturbed at all.

Sophie: I paid a lot for that spot. I should be able to enjoy it.

Maurice: Perhaps you didn’t read the special assessment you signed last fall. It said that we would be building a clubhouse for all members and it would be centrally located. There really isn’t anything I can do for you.

Sophie was furious, but she walked off.

Groundhog Standing | Anne Ahearne | Flickr

Next week: Can Sophie get her privacy back?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

Tabocracy in Action: 2-Month Update

|

Sgt Stripes is holding his first press briefing of the Thomas Tabby era. Things have not been going as smoothly as they had hoped, and there were a lot of questions.

Sgt Stripes: Greetings everyone. Welcome to the Tabocracy. I know that there are a lot of questions. Unfortunately, Thomas is not available this afternoon to take your questions directly, but I hope to be able to address your concerns. I would like to open the floor to questions.

Beagle Dog Breed Information & Characteristics

Beagle: I’m Freddie from the Woofington Post. What happened to Remy, the Golden Retriever. I thought he was going to be the “outside voice” to make sure cats didn’t run everything solely for the benefits of other cats. We haven’t seen him since Thomas took office.

Sgt Stripes: Unfortunately, Remy has been sidelined with hip dysplasia. He recently had surgery and is healing well. We hope to have him back sometime next month.

500+ Golden Retriever Pictures [HD] | Download Free Images on Unsplash

Beagle: So there is no dog representation at the moment?

Sgt Stripes: We don’t want to replace Remy. He’s part of the team.

Sea Otter Fun Facts | National Marine Sanctuary Foundation

Otter: Sally from Mustelid Mirror: Is it true that Thomas has not had his first meeting with the humans yet? What is the delay?

Sgt Stripes: We wanted to make sure we have a strong case before we make any requests. Additionally, the humans have been sick with whatever gets to them in the cold weather. There’s been a lot of runny noses and coughing. Extremely unpleasant to be in the same room.

Otter: Follow-up question. What are the first things Thomas will present?

Things You May or May Not Know about Tuxedo Cats - Heartland Cat Rescue

Sgt Stripes: Of course, we can’t guarantee what the humans will want to talk about. However, we are asking for bowls of water and kibble available at all parks and public spaces. One of Remy’s requests is for an end to leash laws. They are antiquated and unfairly enforced, mainly on dogs.

Tuxedo Cat: Clarice from KittyTown Courier. Do you have any idea what the humans will be bringing to the table? There’s a rumor that they will be asking for cuddle guarantees.

Sgt Stripes: There has been some talk of trying to find middle ground between the humans desire for cat affection and the cats’ natural inclination to be in control of all inter-species relationships. We are hoping that we can reach some sort of agreement on social interaction.

Tuxedo Cat: Is that strictly a human-feline issue?

Sgt Stripes: We believe so. Dogs do not seem to have the same need for personal space as we cats do. It’s a shame that the humans seem to want to be in control. No cat will allow that.

Mice : Got Pests? : Board of Pesticides Control: Maine DACF

Mouse: Edgar from Rodent Review. We smaller animals have an issue with Thomas’ security team.

Sgt Stripes: I’m not sure what you’re referring to. Snoops is in charge of security.

Mouse: Snoops is rather aggressive in protecting him. There is a problem with all of you cats. You see my type of creature as a toy or even a snack.

Beyond Barn Cats: How to Keep Mice and Rats from Feeling at Home in Your Barn | Stable Talk | Farnam

Sgt Stripes: I don’t think that’s a fair accusation. We are working to make everyone more comfortable.

Mouse: We would like to see a smaller “prey” type animal on your team.We are not comfortable being represented by a predator type animal.

Sgt Stripes: I will take your concern back to Thomas.

Fun Rabbit Facts - Vets on Parker

Rabbit: Jonathan from Meadow Happenings. Where is Thomas? We rarely see him since the election.

Sgt Stripes: He’s dealing with some personal issues. He should be back soon.

Rabbit: Is it true that he’s separated from his wife because she’s tired of him never being home? Is that why he hasn’t met with the humans yet?

Sgt Stripes: I’m not in a position to answer those questions.

Snoops: Okay, everyone. No more questions. The briefing is over.

 Pictures courtesy of Google Images

36

Sgt Stripes: Why Does Gypsy Act So Weird?

|

         

Sgt Stripes here. You guys know that I really like Gypsy. We were upstairs together. And now that we have free run of the house, she’s the only lady cat who doesn’t hiss at me. We still nap together sometimes. But since we’ve been downstairs, I’ve noticed something kind of weird about her.

She REALLY likes to have a special spot that’s hers.  The spot changes sometimes, but she always needs to have a spot of her own. I decided that we’re good enough friends, that I could ask her about it. (I hope she doesn’t hiss or whap me.

Sgt Stripes: Hey, Gypsy. Can I ask you something?

Gypsy: Sure. What is it?

Sgt Stripes: I’m your favorite cat here, right?

Gypsy: I guess. Angel tried to starve me, and Onyx hisses at everyone. Snoops is OK, but she doesn’t understand why Mr Google always confuses us when he sends “Similar Shots” to the humans. You shared your space and kibble upstairs, so I like you.

Sgt Stripes: You’ve been nice to me too. But there’s one thing I don’t understand about you. The rest of us pretty much hang out in different spots around the house. But you always have a specific place to sit and sleep. Why are you so attached to a certain spot?

Gypsy: I move around. I always go to the kitchen for breakfast.

Sgt Stripes: Yeah. But then you go back to your spot. Right now, if you’re not eating or using the litter box, you only stay in the spot where the Christmas tree used to be.

Gypsy: I cuddle with Mom on the love seat. And sometimes I sleep with you on the love seat.

Sgt Stripes: I guess that’s true. Maybe you are changing. But remember when you would only sleep in the plant? Mom had to bring your food to you there. You’d get out, eat the food, then go back to the plant. And before that, you would only stay on the stairs. The weirdest spot was when you wanted to sit in the litter box all the time.

Gypsy: That was only a couple of weeks.

Sgt Stripes: But why did you want to do it at all?

Gypsy: I feel safer if I have my own spot. It has to do with how I was raised.

Sgt Stripes: What happened?

Gypsy: My first humans kept me in a cage. And they didn’t feed me very well.

Sgt Stripes: That sounds awful. How did you get out?

Gypsy: They decided they didn’t want me and took me to a shelter. It was very traumatic.

Sgt Stripes: What happened with your next humans?

Gypsy: They were a lot nicer. But they had other cats who didn’t like me. They said I was the problem, and put me in a room away from the other cats. I was just hissy because I was so stressed out. But at least they fed me and were nice to me.

Sgt Stripes: Then you came here?

Gypsy: Yes. But when Angel, Onyx, and I arrived, there were already three cats here: you, Snoops, and Kommando. So Angel and I were put in a separate room. It was a lot bigger than I room I had been in, but it was really hard. Angel and I don’t really like each other.

Sgt Stripes: She hisses at me all the time. I don’t think I’d want to be locked in a room with her either.

Gypsy: And she kept eating all the food. I lost a lot of weight.

Sgt Stripes: That’s when you came upstairs. I remember that. You were tiny.

Gypsy: It was really weird having that much space. Onyx wasn’t excited that I was up there, but you were pretty nice. You only tried to play pounce a few times.

Sgt Stripes: You really weren’t much fun; you wouldn’t run away. But you were nice to hang out with.

Gypsy: Thank you. I was really comfortable up there. Then we were allowed to go downstairs if we wanted. It was so much space. I had never seen so much space. It was really intimidating.

Sgt Stripes: You haven’t been back up since we were allowed downstairs.

Gypsy: No. I’m still adapting to the downstairs. I even went out on the porch a couple of times. I discovered that I do not like snow.

Sgt Stripes: You should definitely stay inside. I was outside before they adopted me. Inside is definitely more comfortable. No rain or snow.

Gypsy: I think I like it here. Food, treats, and cuddles on demand. And I even have a cat friend. Thanks, Sarge.

25

A Gator Family Wedding – Part 3

|

Alligator Hatchling

Where we are: The family is gathering in the Everglades for Stu and Amanda’s wedding.The ceremony will be on the beach with reception following in the swamp. They finally got all the details straightened out. The only problem is that Stu didn’t make it home from the bachelor party, and no one knows where he is. Amanda, the bride, and Vinny, Stu’s son, are fighting. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Angry Crocodile | Nile Crocodile | Jim Hatzell | Flickr

Amanda: I knew a bachelor party was a bad idea. How did you lose your father?

Vinny: I didn’t lose him. We all left together. I don’t know why he didn’t get on the boat.

Amanda: Didn’t you check to make sure he was on the boat before you left?

Vinny: He was right behind me. I don’t know what happened.

Amanda: Well you need to find him. The wedding is in two days.

Vinny was angry. Why did his father always disappear when something important was happening. He had never met another gator who was so likely to disappear with no notice. Someone knocked at the door.

Crocodiles in suburbia: here's how they navigate our world

Amanda: Stu! Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick about you!

Stu: Honey, I’ve told you never to worry about me. I get sidetracked but eventually I always find my way home.

Amanda: Thank goodness! Vinny and I were worried sick. I thought he’d left you behind.

Stu: Technically, he did. When we were leaving, he spent so much time talking at the dock, that I decided to use the washroom. He was just pulling out. I guess he couldn’t hear me over the motor.

S.S. Why I Otter” Provides Environment Enrichment at Aquarium | UTC News

Amanda: How did you get back?

Stu: A very nice otter brought me back on his raft.

Vinny: We’re glad you made it home.

Stu: I always do. You worry too much.

Brown Bears, Alaska Bear Camp and Being There

The wedding was held two days later on the beach. The bear in charge created a beautiful ceremony. Afterward, everyone went to the Everglades Inn for the reception.Stu had managed to get his old band Acrocalypse to play. Amanda wasn’t a huge fan of punk croc music, but she agreed to a compromise. Her string quartet played during dinner, and Stu’s buddies played afterwards.

Alligators love pink

Adele: That was a lovely wedding, don’t you think?

Stan: It went much smoother than I expected.

Justine: Where are they going for their honeymoon?

Adele: I don’t know. We can ask them when they come by.

Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency officials say alligators are migrating to Tennessee.

A while later.

Stan: Here’s the happy couple. Congratulations!

Stu: Thank you. I thought it went well.

Amanda: The weather was perfect.

Suzy: Where are you going for your honeymoon?

Premium Photo | Cuban crocodile is jumping out of the water

Stu and Amanda answered together.

Amanda: Grand Cayman.

Stu: Grand Canyon.

They looked at each other and started to laugh.

Stu: I guess we’ll have to look at the tickets when we get back to our room.

Official Looks for Alligator Near Arizona Strip | KSL.com

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

20

A Gator Family Wedding – Part 2

|

Soni and Chompers are OFFICIALLY MARRIED!!! 🥳 I can't tell you how excited I am that the two are no longer living in sin 😂 Have you watched the wedding yet? (On

Where we are:Stu and Amanda are getting married on Valentine’s Day. A week before the wedding, they found out that the officiant would not be able to perform the ceremony. Their wedding planner, Stella, is looking for a replacement. Meanwhile, Stu was getting ready for his bachelor party. You can read Part 1 here.

Parties - Davis Farmland is the perfect place for parties

Stan: What will you ladies be doing while we’re at the party.

Justine: Granny is throwing a little party for Amanda.

Stan: I thought that Amanda hated the idea of a party. She just wanted to relax before the wedding.

Adele: You know Granny. She could sell ice to a polar bear. It’s not going to be anything fancy. Just hanging around her house, drinking her famous palm cocktails and eating her amazing boa bits.

Featured Animals - American Alligator - CMZoo

Suzy: And she promised to tell Amanda embarrassing stories about Stu.

Stan: That sounds like fun. I’m glad Granny and Amanda get along so well.

There was a knock at the door.

Vinny: You ready to go, Stan?

Adele: Where are you having the party?

How to See Alligators on a Louisiana Swamp Tour

Vinny: It’s a little place out in the middle of the swamp. It’s called Hugo’s.

Justine: Why didn’t you want to tell Uncle Stu where you are going? He made it sound very mysterious.

Vinny: I didn’t want him to try to get there by himself. He’s been a couple of times and kept getting lost. I thought it would be best to just tell him it would be a surprise.

Why gators became aggressive in popular fishing spot now shut down

Stan: I’m ready. Are we using your boat?

Vinny: There’s quite a few of us so we’re taking three boats: mine, your brother John’s, and Danny’s.

Adele: Have fun, dear. Don’t wake me up when you get back.

The three boats arrived at Hugo’s. It was in a thatched hut. There was a bar and a dance floor. The doorman greeted them.

There's an Alligator at my Door! - Christianity Every Day

Doorman: Good evening, gentlemen. Do you have a reservation?

Vinny: Yes, we do. It’s under Stuart Gator Bachelor Party.

The doorman turned to Danny, the youngest of the group.

Doorman: Congratulations! We’re happy that you are make us part of your celebration.

Danny: Not me! I don’t even have a girlfriend.

Unlikely Animals Wearing Clothes!

Stu: I’m the lucky gator. I’m getting married on Friday.

Doorman (embarrassed): I’m terribly sorry about my mistake. Welcome to Hugo’s. You will be sitting in the Tahiti Room.

He led them to a separate hut. It was very nice with soft lighting and a Jacuzzi.

Stu: Look at that! Warm water with bubbles. I’ve never used one of those.

Young alligator looking for love takes a dip in backyard HOT TUB | Daily Mail Online

Doorman: We also have a sauna if you would prefer a more dry heat.

Stu: No thank you. I’m an alligator. The wetter the heat, the better.

Doorman: I will tell your waiter that you are here. Please enjoy your evening.

Stu: He seemed very nice. Good choice, Vinny.

Vinny: Thanks, Dad. I thought you’d like it.

Woman in Business With Alligator that Wears Clothes, Rides ATVs | by NanoNano1414 | Medium

The waiter walked in.

Waiter: Good evening, my name is Marcel. I will be your waiter tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink?

Vinny: We would like pitchers of the fermented fruit punch.o

Marcel: Very well. I will be back in a few minutes to take your orders.

Vinny: When a made the reservation, I requested the Endless Seafood Platter.

Marcel: My mistake. I do see that on your reservation. I will be back with your drinks.

French Zoo Offers Rare Look at Baby Manatee | Scientific American

John: Stu, I hear that you need someone to officiate your wedding.

Stu: Not anymore. I should have known to just ask my sister. She knows a manatee who can help us. The only problem is that manatees only come up for air every few minutes.

John: That sounds like a bit of a problem.

Stu: That’s what we thought. But he knows a Florida Black Bear who can do the entire ceremony on land. And the bear doesn’t mind coming to the beach.

Report: Black bears 'robust and growing' in Florida

John: I’ve never heard of an alligator getting married by a bear. Is that legal?

Stu: Stella, our wedding planner, says that there doesn’t seem to be any law against it.

The drinks arrived, followed shortly by the food. It wasn’t long before the fermented fruit had all of the alligators feeling a little drunk. Stu nearly fell asleep in the Jacuzzi. They tried playing darts, but mainly ended up telling each other how bad they were at it. Then they tried karaoke and discovered that drunk alligators are not good singers. Finally they found their way to their boats and went back to Granny’s ranch.

2 Alligators Found Eating Human Body

The next morning, Stan was woken up by someone pounding on his bedroom door. It was Vinny

Vinny: Did you help my dad to bed last night?

Stan: Why would I put your dad to bed?

Vinny: He didn’t come back on my boat.

Stan: I didn’t have a boat. I came back with John.

Drunk Australian teen ends up fighting crocodile to impress girl, surgeons hope to 'restore full use of arm' – New York Daily News

Vinny: Dad wasn’t with you?

Stan: No. I thought he was with you. Maybe he came back with Danny.

Vinny: No. I already asked him.

Stan: Are you sure he isn’t just ignoring your knocking? He had a lot of punch.

Vinny: No. Granny and Amanda both asked me where Dad was.He’s not asleep in any of the boats, and he’s not in his room.

4 Sleeping Alligator Image: PICRYL - Public Domain Media Search Engine Public Domain Search}

Next week: Will they find Stu in time for his wedding?

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

23

A Gator Family Wedding

|

An alligator as a ring bearer?!? Would you perform this wedding? | AMM Blog

Stan and Adele had agreed to go to South Florida a week before Uncle Stu and Amanda’s wedding to help with the last-minute details. They were bringing their daughters Justine and Suzy along so they could help. When they stepped off the train, they looked around for Stu.

St. Augustine Alligator Farm

Adele: I don’t see Stu anywhere.

Justine: Maybe he got lost on the way to the station.

Suzy: I bet Amanda isn’t letting him out of her sight.

Stan: They’ve been staying with Granny Gator so she can keep an eye on him.

Adele: Are you sure he was going to meet us? Maybe we should just take the bus.

Squirrels express frustration by twitching their tails, researchers say.

Then they heard a very agitated voice behind them:

Are you the Stanley Gator family? I need to find the Stanley Gator family. Have you seen the Stanley Gator family? They were supposed to be on this train? I have to find the Stanley Gator family.

Stan turned around to see who was calling him and was very surprised to see a rather large squirrel.

Fewer Bears, More Birds - UPDATE October 4, 2015 - The Wildlife Research Institute

Stan: I’m Stan Gator. What can I do for you?

Squirrel: I’m Stella. I’m the wedding planner for Stuart and Amanda.I’m glad I found you. Things are not going well for the wedding. I’ll explain it on the way to Granny Gertie’s farm.

Suzy: Are they fighting? Are they going to cancel the wedding?

Justine: That’s dumb. Why would they cancel the wedding now?

Difference between an alligator (left) and a crocodile (right) : r/BeAmazed

Stella: They are fine.They are getting married on the beach and then going to the swamp for the reception.

Adele: That sounds lovely. What’s the problem?

Stella: There was some type of miscommunication. The Everglades Inn, where we are having the reception, was supposed to provide the officiant for the wedding. Apparently, no one told him, and he does not want to travel to the beach.

Justine: Maybe you could offer them more money.

North American River Otter | Bearizona

Stella: Unfortunately, he is a river otter and is not comfortable with the ocean.

Stan: There must be someone else who could do it.

Stella: I’ve been calling around. No luck so far.

She pulled into the driveway, and everyone got out of the car. Granny, Stu, and Amanda came out to greet them.

Stu: Adele, you and the girls get prettier every time I see you.

St. Augustine Alligator Farm Zoological Park - Happy Valentine's Day everyone, we love you all! #zooforyou #happyvalentinesday #bemine #youresweet #saaf #iheartalligators #lovefl | Facebook

Suzy: Hi, Uncle Stu. How are you?

Stu: I’m doing fine. I imagine you’ve heard about the glitch in our wedding planning.

Adele: It’s a shame that you haven’t been able to find a replacement for your officiant.

Amanda: It seemed so romantic to set the date on Valentine’s Day. But now everyone is booked. It’s too late to postpone the wedding. We don’t know what to do.

CAPYBARA Riding an ALLIGATOR! Would you Believe It

Stu: The other problem is that a lot of animals are afraid of alligators

Justine: I don’t understand that. We’re nice to other creatures.

Stan: Some alligators see almost anything as a snack. Other animals don’t want to take a chance.

Suzy: And our teeth are kinda scary.

Phishing for Anonymous Alligators

Stu’s son Vinny came around the corner.

Vinny: Hey, Dad. I have an idea. When humans need someone for a wedding, they go online and get certified to do it.

Stu: We are not humans.

Vinny: I know that. But maybe we could get one of those certifications before the wedding.

Two cute alligators | Two alligators of the Walter Zoo lying… | Flickr

Amanda: Could we just ask one of the humans who already can marry humans.

Stu: I love you Sweetie, but I am not getting married by a human.

Justine: I’m afraid of humans.

Suzy: Yeah. You can’t tell the difference between the nice ones and the ones who would eat us.

Ibis Bird Facts - Threskiornithidae - A-Z Animals

Adele: So we need to find an animal to marry you or one of us needs to be certified.

Cousin Danny, the bird doctor, joined the conversation.

Danny: I know an ibis who could probably do it. I’ll call her.

Amanda: That’s wonderful Danny!

Justine: Why did you get here so early?

🔥 Stacked Alligators. : r/NatureIsFuckingLit

Danny: The bachelor party is tomorrow. Amanda didn’t want anyone showing up at the wedding with a hangover.

Justine: Where are you going?

Stu: It’s a secret. They’re not even telling me.

Next Week: The bachelor party

I'm a Big Brave Alligator!

Pictures courtesy of Google Images.

29

Cat Council: January 2025

|

Snoops: I called this council meeting to discuss how the integration of our household is progressing.

Sgt Stripes: I haven’t seen any fights or fur flying.

Gypsy: There’s still some growling and hissing.

Angel: That’s just you.

Gypsy: It is not. Besides, I need to keep you away from my food. You did try to starve me last year.

Angel: It’s not my fault we didn’t get enough food when we were staying in the sunroom.

Gypsy: You are almost everything we got.

Snoops: Ladies, that’s old news. You need to move on.

Gypsy: What’s your excuse with Sgt Stripes? You growl at him every time he walks by.

Snoops: We have a history. He tried to eat Kommando Kitty when he moved in.

Sgt Stripes: I didn’t try to eat her. I was just trying to play.

Angel: Snoops has a right to keep him at paw’s length.

Sgt Stripes: It’s gotten better. Snoops hasn’t growled at me in two days.

Snoops: You seem to be slightly less annoying.

Sgt Stripes: We all eat breakfast together now.

Angel: Except Onyx. She thinks she’s too good for us.

Onyx: I don’t dislike you. I just don’t see any point in coming downstairs. I have everything I want upstairs.

Sgt Stripes: She does come down for treats sometimes.

Angel: Not since she started getting extra treats upstairs from the blonde kid.

Snoops: We really don’t see much of her.

Onyx: Well, I am pretty busy with my new position. I am the upstairs reading coordinator for the bedtime books for the small humans.

Gypsy: I thought you were an emotional support cat.

Onyx: I am. But since you and Sgt Stripes decided to stay downstairs, there really isn’t another cat to supervise.

Snoops: And we all know the humans need supervision. Especially the little ones.

Gypsy: That reminds me, we need to talk to Thomas Tabby. He’s supposed to be the liaison with the humans. We got that automatic litter box for Christmas and it still isn’t plugged in.

Sgt Stripes: They said something about a cat urinating in the electrical outlet that it was supposed to be plugged into. They want to put it in the utility room where one of the old litter boxes is.

Angel: I don’t want an electric litter box. That sounds scary. What if it eats one of us?

Sgt Stripes: They said it had been tested and is safe. I can’t believe that was our big Christmas present.

Angel: The toys were pretty cool.

Gypsy: I found out that Mom didn’t finish Prince Arthur’s blanket in time for Christmas. So I claimed it.

Snoops: Who’s Prince Arthur?

Sgt Stripes: You know. He lives with that woman who comes here to see our human brother.

Snoops: That’s right. I have enough trouble keeping the cats here straight. I forgot there was another cat involved with things. At least he doesn’t live here.

Angel: We do seem to be at cat capacity. At least I have a good sleeping spot next to the heater.

Sgt Stripes: And we do have a lot of places to snuggle up in.

Snoops: So everyone is pretty content? Meeting adjourned.

25

Brrr! It’s Getting Cold in Cheeseland

|

   

Greetings. Sgt Stripes here. You might remember that we live in Michigan. And it’s getting cold here. According to Weather Kitty, it’s supposed to be under 0 degrees Fahrenheit by the end of the weekend. I’m not really sure what that means, but Weather Kitty has an advisory. I remember when I lived outside that this time of year was when I had to find someplace protected to stay.

The other four kitties came from shelters. They spent some time outside too. We are all really happy to be inside where we don’t really have to worry about it. It’s an old farmhouse, so it’s not really airtight. (Thank goodness, or we wouldn’t have mousies and bugs to chase.) Angel has a favorite spot right next to the baseboard heat.

I REALLY like my electric tummy-warmer. (Mom says it’s called a bed-warmer. Whatever. And Onyx has her fuzzy blanket. Angel and Snoops rely on human heat a lot of the time. Gypsy likes to sleep under the plant light where it’s warm. It seems like most of the cats we know don’t really like the cold. I thought I would ask Mr. Google about cats and cold weather.

Mr Google says that cats get cold easily. We started out as desert dwellers and have a high body temperature. (Higher than humans). We usually feel the cold before the humans do. (I don’t know about that. Mom and Blondie get cold a lot.It’s why we have so many blankets laying around the house.

Some cats get cold quicker than other cats. Older cats and kittens get cold faster than adult cats. Skinny cats and cats that come from a warm climate get cold quicker than heftier cats and cats from cold climates. But even with all the variations, all cats get cold eventually.

The first sign of a cat feeling cold is that they will look for the warmest spot available. We will curl up into a tight ball. Some cats cover their noses with their tail. If it keeps getting colder, cats start to shiver. Cats can develop hypothermia where their body temperature begins to drop. This is a very dangerous stage.

It is important to avoid getting hypothermia. Cats need to be inside if possible when the temperatures drop. If you’re feeling cold, tell your human to let you inside immediately. If you can’t go inside, your human can provide thick bedding for you to hunker into. A bowl of warm water is also helpful to a cold cat.

Remind your human that what is okay for them isn’t warm enough for you. (They always forget that with sweaters and jackets and whatever, they don’t really feel the temperature. Here are some guidelines (all temperatures are Fahrenheit):

  • Small cats, older cats, and kittens are uncomfortable below 50 degrees
  • Cats who have lost a lot of weight or have arthritis can be uncomfortable under 60 degrees
  • Cats can get frostbite and hypothermia below 32 degrees
  • All cats should have a sheltered place to stay if the temperature gets below 45 degrees

All of this is not to say that all cats hate the cold. Some love to go outside for a bit and come back in to warm up. A lot of us get thick winter coats that help with the cold. Black cats absorb more heat from the sun. And some breeds come from cold climates. These kitties have developed traits to help them survive in cold weather. Here are 8 cat breeds that originated in cold climates and are able to tolerate cold weather better than most.

Siberian Cats | Pet Spotlight | Appearance, Personality & History

Siberian Cat – These cats have an ultra-plush three-layer winter coat that they shed in the summer. They are friendly and affectionate. As a bonus, they are also hypoallergenic.

Kurilian Bobtail Longhair - TICA - The International Cat Association

Kurilian Bobtail – They have a semi-long coat with a pom-pom tail. They are very loving and gentle as well as independent and intelligent. These cats are superior mousers.

Norwegian Forest Cat: Breed Profile, Characteristics & Care

Norwegian Forest Cat – These cats have a water-resistant, semi-long coat. In the winder they have a thick, fully undercoat to keep our the cold. They are good-sized kitties, weighing up to 20 pounds. They are loving and independent. (Our human grandparents had a Norwegian Forest Cat. She sat in front the of the head registers in the winter and in front of the air conditioning ducts in the summer. We all aspire to her status in the house.)

Fun Facts About Russian Blue Cats | ASPCA® Pet Health Insurance

Russian Blue – They have a short, dense double blue coat which is tipped with silver. Russian Blues are independent but gentle and playful. They are considered low-maintenance and adapt easily to changing circumstances.

Top 5 Reasons Maine Coon Cats are Awesome - West Park Animal Hospital

Maine Coon – These cats have heavy, water-resistant coats. Additionally they have large, muscular bodies. The combination makes them well-suited to being outside in the cold weather. They can weigh up to 25 pounds, but are extremely gentle. They are excellent hunters,  highly adaptable and very attentive to their humans.

How to Identify a Turkish Angora Cat: Guide with Infographic - Catster

Turkish Angora/Turkish Van – They have extremely soft fur and solid bodies helping them be comfortable in the cold.  They are active, intelligent, and social. And they love water. (Although probably not outside in the winter.)

Selkirk Rex Cat Breed Information - Vetstreet | Vetstreet

Selkirk Rex – These kitties come in both short-haired and long-haired versions The short-haired version has a dense, plush curled coat. (Some people have compared them to teddy bears.) The long-haired ones look a bit like a wooly sheep. They are fairly large and very muscular. They are easygoing and cuddly.

Breed Spotlight: Scottish Fold | MetLife Pet Insurance

Scottish Fold – Similar to the Selkirk Rex, Scottish Folds can be either long-haired or short-haired. Their fur is extremely plush and dense. They have sturdy bodies with natural padding to keep our the cold. All Scottish Fold kittens are born with straight ears; approximately 50% will fold 18-24 days after birth. It is a natural mutation and has not resulted in increased ear infections.

As we write this, I’m lying on a couple of sweaters,   getting sleepy. I think I’ll just stay here and watch the cold through the window.

Pictures courtesy of Google Images